


Devil's Swordsman

by ObsidianEagle



Series: The Devil's Swordsman [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Smirkwood, Alec is basically the demon on Magnus' shoulder at this rate, Angst, Blood and Violence, Edom Mention/Reference, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Humor, Greater Demon Alec, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Magnus is still the High Warlock, Major Character Injury, Mild Smut, demon alec
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-01-18 05:45:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 295,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12382113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianEagle/pseuds/ObsidianEagle
Summary: One final instrument remains in the war against Valentine, and the Shadowhunters are desperate to win that race. That instrument is the Soul Sword, fallen to Edom along with the Shadowhunter that was damned with it. Hazels are now replaced by the red of Edom's furnace, his code rewritten by the need to feed on sins.Magnus Bane is called to summon that very demon, their last hope at ending the battles that continue to rage their time. But the summoning goes wrong, horribly wrong.It's not that Magnus' magic is weak, he just never expected to find something more, the sign of humanity.





	1. Clave's Order

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a sucker for anything demon and angel, so swapping Alec from angel to demon is gonna' be interesting. Alec Smirkwood coming at ya for ten chapters or so-ish!
> 
> It follows the main storyline, but like, a tiny tiny tiny bit. Considering Alec's a demon I had to change a lot but the general plot is still there to stop Valentine with some twists in there. Hopefully you like this.
> 
> this fic was inspired by [this video!](https://twitter.com/Onceuponavideo1) \- big thanks to [@onceuponavideo1](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oz2bcipSIlw) on twitter for making it and posting it for us all to see!! hope I do it justice
> 
> Tags will be updated with new chapters to avoid spoilers.
> 
> Playlist for this fic - [here!](https://open.spotify.com/user/obsidiayan/playlist/61uYiatFQVska794UTOi2C?si=SZ3z1XHnR1WywBdPYofHeA)
> 
> I'll be tracking #ODSFic for this fic on twitter!
> 
> this fic is going through cleanup (currently at ch 9, so please excuse mistakes and inconsistency in those future chapters!)

“Call Magnus Bane.”

Various faces around the desk move their eyes towards the acting head of the Institute one by one. It's coming down to the wire, so desperate in their fight against Valentine that they need to ask Downworlders for help.

Infuriating doesn’t even come close to the word they're looking for. They have no other options, needing to call the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and whatever they originally had in mind simply isn't possible anymore, at least not if they want to save lives instead of risking them. It's shaking the core of the Clave, an organisation itself that thrives on fear to rule with an iron fist. Now, they're the ones trembling, clutching strings and pulling out every rule book to see what they can break without falling too far from grace.

“Mrs Lightwood, there must be another way? We should give the Clave more time.”

Both of her hands hit the table, the hologram shaking as the instruments inside the table move from her rage.

“We don’t have enough time! Valentine will be looking for a warlock to summon that demon as we speak. Knowing him and his malicious ways, he _will_  get that sword, no matter what it costs him,” Maryse is curling her fingers on the top of the table, eyes flickering over the hologram placed in front of her, “Bane is our only chance, and I hate to say it, but it is.”

The Soul Sword, the final instrument sought after by Valentine. A hologram in the centre of the table is the shining light of the Institute, showing angled edges of the blade and its royal hilt. Decorated in various places by a pure gold, Maryse wonders how much the instrument has morphed in appearance since its fall to Edom. Has it turned demonic? Calibrated to wipe out the Shadowhunters instead of Downworlders?

Thinking of a day when Shadowhunters would have to kneel to the demonic blood of the Downworld shakes every ridge in Maryse’s spine. The Clave feels exactly the same, and it's even more suffocating to think that centuries of rule will turn to ash because of a singular demon. Only one thing is keeping that thought at the back of their minds, only creeping forward when the threat brings itself to the surface at meetings and discussions – -the demon who holds the sword has only shown his face in the mundane realm once. He currently resides in Edom, clinging around the angelic instrument, venom dripping from his fingers and claws scratching the metal.

A greater demon, that if the summoning goes wrong, the consequences could drop them into even bigger shit than they are now. Especially so, if the Clave hasn’t approved of them calling Magnus Bane to do the job in the first place. They don’t know of his connections to Edom, but if they did, they’d surely be questioning him and pushing Magnus to the forefront of their plan.

“Dismissed.” Maryse sighs out her words, the soldiers around the table nodding and moving off to contact the right people. They have no other choice than to summon the greater demon and hope his wishes for the exchange of the sword won't cost them lives.

Standing up, she pushes the button for the hologram on the table surface’s flat screen. The blue shimmers, pixels confused before closing in on themsleves and sinking back to the surface. Fixing her dress is a distraction more than a subconscious gesture, because Maryse is nervous, especially as she sees the hologram load the name and lack of information on the screen.

His face is sharp but a little soft, hazel shards cutting through the soul of the person holding the camera. There's a slight turn of his lips, like a smirk but not quite. As Maryse continues to stare, it looks like the smirk is growing and the brows shift to decline, frowning and forming an expression that screams mischief.

Forcing herself to turn away, Maryse walks from the ops table, heading to the courtyard to oversee preparations that Bane will probably demand.

 

_\- - - - -_

Delicate yet powerful fingers hold the phone to his ear, a single beep signalling that the caller on the other end of the phone has abruptly hung up. Removing the device from the side of his face, Magnus looks down to the screen like he's reading a foreign language he can’t understand.

_Did that just happen?_

Clinking of glassware pushes him back to the present, where his delightful friend Ragnor pours another shot of wine. Letting the device move between his fingers, he purses his bottom lip, trying to scope out what the Shadowhunters have in mind and if they know the number of risks something like this involves.

He hasn’t summoned a demon since Clary Fairchild’s silly escapades. The war with Valentine has been devastating for everyone involved, and Magnus never wanted to get involved in the first place, only doing so when his people were put in danger. It was going fine, originally, lives being saved and the warlocks still thriving, but ever since those _angelic annoyances_  started to involve themselves, they’ve been hunted.

If they want to summon _him_ of all demons, then they're truly walking the plank in a pirate’s manner. A demon that knows every rule of chess and how to break them, most of all being how to get away with it. How _stupid_ these Shadowhunters are believe this'll be easy, supposedly ruling over the Downworld, yet knowing absolutely nothing about it. Research and combat knowledge can only take you so far, especially when the enemy is twisted in so many ways it's more of a mental game _than rock-paper-scissors._

“My friend, I’ll need some of that wine." Magnus throws his phone to the side, bouncing a few times on the leather of his couch.

“Another ex calling you up?” All Ragnor gets from that is a glare, chuckling and offering a glass of wine to his good friend, “What is it then?”

_“Shadowhunters.”_

Magnus can see Ragnor begin to frown through the bottom of his glass as Magnus takes a gentle sip, the British warlock utterly confused. When he finally speaks, his first initial words are not in time with his breathing, so they're quite strangled.

 _“Shadowhunters?_ Since when did they call us up for anything lately? _Ah_ \-- wait, that’s wrong. They always do and expect a yes _every_ time,” Ragnor gestures into the air with his free hand, rolling his eyes at his own sad joke, “The ones at the London institute are somewhat tolerable to those you have here in New York.”

“Someone is rather salty today,” taking another sip, Magnus pushes his lips together, not sure he likes the taste of the wine his friend brought back from his various travels, “Wait until you hear what exactly it is they want.”

At that, Ragnor turns dramatically, taking two large strides to a chair, swirling and then sitting just as elegantly as he turned.

“I have taken the measures for this news. I am sat comfortably, ready for the most shocking request the Shadowhunters could possibly ask for.” he places one hand on the arm of the chair, the other arm holding his glass of wine and doing gentle rotations with his wrist to swirl the liquid inside.

A smirk graces Magnus’ features, his clothing a decorative and fitting red. A spider web cuff clips to his right ear, a red waistcoat hugging him over a black collared shirt. His trousers fitting nicely, shaping over the hard muscle of his thighs and calves as he walks. Necklaces swing from his neck ever so slightly when he walks, and the orange sun of the descending star on the horizon illuminates his sharp jaw.

“They want to summon the demon who possess the Soul Sword.” Magnus’ tone is confident, but there's an underlying uncertainty to it.

“You’re _joking.”_

“Nope.”

“You mean, the Swordsman? The _fallen?”_ stunned, Ragnor places a thumb and forefinger to his chin, “What could they possibly want with him?”

“Well, the Soul Sword for one. If Valentine has found the other two instruments, then there's only one remaining. It's possible the Clave want to beat him to the summoning so they can trade for the sword first.” bringing his hands together, Magnus looks out the window through the venetian blinds. A soft contrast of orange and pink paint his apartment, different to the colours of the night when he will have to travel to the institute.

“Are they _insane?_  They should know demons don’t easily bargain. Mischief is their middle name, especially the Swordsman,” sighing, the warlock in mostly green attire downs the rest of his wine in sudden stress, “These Shadowhunters are as dumb as they look.”

Raising an eyebrow, Magnus inquires with that simple gesture alone.

Ragnor simply shrugs, “They all look the same. At least, that’s what Meliorn says.”

“Since when did you speak with Meliorn?” walking to the chair opposite, Magnus sits down with grace that matches one of a dancer.

“Since _someone,"_ Ragnor gestures to Magnus with a single finger, causing the warlock to smile at whatever joke inevitably follows after, “doesn’t appreciate my taste for green clothes. Meliorn does, he _gets_ me.”

A laugh bubbles from Magnus' throat, becoming louder when Ragnor becomes increasingly annoyed at his friend’s amusement.

“God, you really grind my gears sometimes, Bane.”

“Ah but you _love_ me! Who else will get you that fine Italian wine for your weekends in Devon?” winking at his friend, Magnus takes a sip of his wine, eyeing him through the bottom of his glass.

“I could just go get it myself,” huffing, Ragnor adjusts his posture and places the empty shot glass on the small round table beside him, “All I have to say is that I’m a friend of the _esteemed Magnus Bane_ and they would offer to sell me the whole vineyard.”

“Don’t be silly, they don’t sell their wine to _f_ _riends_ of their most anticipated guests. They only sell it to the best of the best, which is me.”

Mumbling incoherent curses, Ragnor turns his attention away from Magnus’ growing smirk. Their jokes can seem harmful from an outsiders perspective, but the pair are inseparable. For centuries, they have wined and dined over the entire globe, Ragnor usually having to be Magnus' somewhat sober friend to drag him home after a night of partying. If he had a penny for the amount of times he's had to cook a full-english to feed Magnus' hangover, he’d be richer than both of them combined. Maybe that's exaggerating a little, but to Ragnor it's the most accurate statement he can come up with.

With the joke drying out, Magnus stares blankly at a single spot outside his Brooklyn apartment. Crossing his legs, the hanging foot begins to turn, swirling his foot around in circles. He didn’t even get a chance to say yes on the phone, given his task and left with a brisk silence. To Magnus, it seems like he has no other choice in the matter, bound to suffer through whatever the Shadowhunters ask him, and if they truly want to summon the Swordsman, they're doomed if it goes wrong.

Will the Clave come knocking down his doors if he didn’t co-operate with the task at hand? He can drink away his worry, but he  _can't_ drink away the inevitable. The longer he sits here watching pigeons fly outside and follow each other, the more the summoning dawns on him.

Ragnor breaks the silence, placing his fingertips together and holding them there, elbows sat on the arms of the chair.

“Are you going to do it?”

“It’s not like they gave me a choice, dear,” exhaling, Magnus stands up from the chair and deposits his empty wine glass next to Ragnor’s, "because as much as it pains me to get no choice in this, every Downworlder is in danger as long as Valentine walks freely. People like Elias did not die for us to sit around and drink wine. It’s dangerous, but unfortunately that’s our life.”

Humming in agreement, Ragnor can honestly see no other options either.

“Very well, but if something goes wrong – I want that vineyard in my name." Ragnor motions his hand to his chest, then points to Magnus as the High Warlock begins to walk to his bedroom.

“You’re not getting my favourite wine, Ragnor. I’ll give it to Chairman instead." Magnus rolls his eyes, beginning to push his hands through his hair.

“Now that’s just unhealthy. Cats can’t drink wine! They don’t know how to _truly_ taste it.”

Magnus doesn't make another comment, shutting his bedroom door as Ragnor snoops around his apartment to find more wine. For a demon summoning, there's no need to be glamorous, but he wants to at _least_ be presentable.

He decides to get dressed the mundane way, no flurry of magic or snaps of fingers. All black will do, allowing him to blend into the dull wardrobe of the Shadowhunters a little easier. It isn’t without flare though, as small patterns are stitched into his blazer, shimmering just enough in the light of the sunset through his bedroom window. Down the sides of his trousers, golden stripes follow the seams, a splash a colour that compliments the golden eyeliner and touch of gold in his hair.

Magnus is ready to go, or as ready as he can be for an event like this.

 

\- - - - -

Given direct access to the inside of the Institute, Magnus portals there just before he's due to arrive for the deadline. He steps through with his hands holding the buttons of his waistcoat, adjusting his outfit ever so slightly. As well as making sure he's presentable, it's a gesture to make sure he's focused on what's around him. The usual rubbing of his thumb and forefinger occurs as usual, hand hovering by his stomach as he pivots on one foot to inspect the area.

Shadowhunters are running from screen to screen, weapons being prepared and exchanging information. Magnus has a sneaky suspicion that this preparation isn’t for the summoning, but something to do with Valentine’s forsaken army. Hopefully the authority here trusts him enough to do this cleanly without casualties, but nothing is guaranteed when the topic conversation is mischievous demons, Magnus knowing that very well himself. At least he won’t be watched by fifty of these angelic annoyances while he works. Magnus’ plan is to do the job quickly, then get out as cleanly as possible so he can get back to his drink cart and the annoyed mumbles of his friend Ragnor.

There's a striking contrast between what his life is like in his small group of friends compared to here, that contrast being rather sickening to Magnus. All these people, running around like ants in a colony that barely knows what they're fighting against or who they're even fighting for. The Clave only tell them so much, secrets and lies weaving through the various leaders to try and get what they want, and that's most of the time, not a direct benefit for anyone.

It isn’t long before Magnus is greeted by the usual guards when portalling here. They don’t even smile or welcome him, just gesturing their heads to follow them down the corridor to a room away from the main operations centre.

“Thank you, boys.” Magnus nods while keeping his chin up, that strong posture present in his shoulders. He'll never let these Shadowhunters think they have any rule over him. Sure, he's here by force, but he also wants to protect his people.

Maryse is at her desk, shuffling some papers as two other Shadowhunters discuss side by side. One is blonde, the sides of his head shaved in a fade, with the other Shadowhunter being a beautiful lady, her black, wavy hair full of volume that would make even Magnus jealous. They don’t seem to acknowledge him until the door shuts behind him thanks to the guards, leaving the room in a thickening silence.

Looking up from her desk, Maryse’s eyes do a once over on Magnus, pinching the bridge of her nose at his presence.

“Bane,” she starts, standing up and releasing an extremely loud sigh as Magnus walks towards her desk, “Thank you for cooperating with us on such short notice. We will be in your debt and pay whatever services you require."

“I didn't think I had a choice, Mrs Lightwood,” Magnus offers his hand for her to shake, but she simply looks at it before turning her attention elsewhere, “considering your phone operator abruptly hung up once giving me a time to arrive.”

What did Magnus expect, really? Maryse has never shown one pinch of thanks or trust towards Magnus, so why would this change anything now, just because they're desperate for some salvation? He's only here to do the dirty work for them, shoved aside with his payment once his services are no longer needed, forgotten until he's undoubtedly needed _again and again._ It hurts, it really does, but Magnus can't say no to helping those in need. There's no way he'll slump to their level.

“I apologise on his behalf, then. I’ll be having words with him to make sure he isn’t  so… _harsh_ next time," Magnus truly doubts she will. In his mind, she probably patted him on the back and awarded some sort of Shadowhunter raise. Moving her hands behind her back, she looks from Magnus to the two other Shadowhunters in the room.

The Shadowhunters have their arms crossed. Magnus notices they're much more relaxed than most, less of the broody soldier type compared to the countless others he's encountered during his time alive.

“This is Jace and Isabelle, they’ll be helping you with the summoning today.” Jace lifts one hand as a greeting gesture, folding it back into his crossed arms with the shuffle of his shoulders. Isabelle smiles and tilts her head to the side, offering her hand with fingers elegantly pointed.

“Magnus Bane, a pleasure to meet you.” Isabelle says, Magnus taking her hand and gently completing a handshake.

Her smile is warm, almost comforting. However, his walls are still there, sturdy and solidified by concrete grief and heartbreak. Never again, he tells himself. _Never again._

“As it is you, Isabelle,” nodding, he drops her hand, turning back to Maryse and focusing on the task at hand. No more unnecessary necessities, it’s time for business.

“You plan to summon The Swordsman, yes? Is there really no other way?” Magnus sits himself down even if he isn’t welcome to, crossing his legs and gently resting his hands on a raised knee. Maryse doesn’t seem very happy about Magnus making himself at home, but he's the only answer to their problems now –- and Magnus _knows._  Having a sweet smirk on his face is only the start, chin still raised slightly while waiting for their poor explanation as per usual in Shadowhunter business.

“Yes, we do. The Clave doesn’t exactly know of our plan, but waiting for them to approve of this is another day Valentine might step ahead. We need that Soul Sword back in our possession before it gets into someone's hands who's fallen from grace.”

“It technically already is. Isn’t the Swordsman rumoured to be a fallen angel, stricken with a hungered revenge to _carve_ the hearts from his enemies with the very sword that's meant to destroy all of demon kind?” twirling his fingers in the air, Magnus speaks sarcastically with a hint of salt, admiring the shine on his rings, “Kind of ironic if you think about it. And it would've been double ironic if the sword was made out of iron, but you fun sponges of _angelic beings decided to make it out of Adamantium.”_

Isabelle and Jace watch as Maryse fumes. Jace finds it a waste of time, while Isabelle finds it quite amusing, hiding her giggle behind her hand. Magnus simply smiles as Maryse stares at him, silently asking him to be quiet even though Magnus never will. At least he's trying to make light of the horrible situation they're about to plunder themselves into.

Ignoring his joke, or an attempt at humour as Maryse would call it, she carries on, “We have already prepared the circle for you, as well as a space outside the institute for you to summon him. You will make the trade for the Soul Sword yourself.“

 _"What?_ It isn’t _me_ who wants the sword, it’s _you._ I want nothing to do with the demon I conjure here today. You will be the one to speak to him or I leave this building and go back to the quiet night I originally had planned.” Magnus stands up, looking effortless as if he's lifted by stunt wires. His eyes are sharp, eyeing Maryse with an increasingly irritated expression.

“Bane, please understand that we are not demons, _you are._ Therefore, he'll listen to you and we'll have a higher chance of success than if he listens to us,” Maryse didn’t have time to finish her words, Magnus already walking towards the door.

He’ll still do it anyway, to protect his and other people, but he wants to push and see if Maryse will crumble under the pressure of losing their only answer. Besides, he really doesn't want to make conversation with a demon that comes from Edom, so if the Shadowhunters are there to distract him from acknowledging his existence, that’s fine by him.

“Alright, _alright!_ Fine. I’ll let these two talk to him,” gesturing to Jace and Isabelle, who don’t seem phased by the new command, nod to Maryse. They do look a little shaken, but they have no real reason to be. It's Magnus who needs to use every ounce of his magic to keep the demon contained, “They're our best warriors, so you’ll be in good hands.”

_I bloody well hope so._

Ragnor’s voice pops into Magnus’ head, making him chuckle as he keeps his back towards them. He only peers over his shoulder to speak a command, “Come on then, midnight is near and we have a demon to summon, debts to be paid.”

 

\- - - - -

Stars litter the sky like dust over black paper. There's a slight navy tinge, almost like blue ink dipped into water, slowly spreading from the bristles of a brush. It's peaceful and welcoming, but Magnus can’t admire it for too long, as people begin to stand at each point of the star chalked onto the floor. Candles aren’t lit just yet, so it's dark, the cold atmosphere of the courtyard consuming every living thing.

As he stares into the sky, one of the Shadowhunters coughs to get his attention. Magnus gives that single Shadowhunter a cold glare, hoping that if the demon _does_ decide to pick on someone, it’ll be him. Can he not admire beauty in peace? _How rude._

Jace and Isabelle stand on the opposite side to Magnus at the bottom of the star, Magnus moving to the point, checking that the chalk on the ground is efficient quality before moving on. He has to change some lines that are inaccurate, moving a few candles here and there, but it isn’t that bad - not bad for _Shadowhunters_ that is.

Everything seems as it should be. Jace and Isabelle looking ready on the opposite side of the star, two Shadowhunters he doesn’t know on the other points.

“Ready?” he announces, rubbing his hands together to let the magic simmer just beneath the surface of his skin.

They all nod, giving no words. Magnus can tell that if they did, it would probably sound a little broken. Standing on the edge of a circle such as this is like you're staring down into Edom itself. It won't physically show it, but it's a portal connecting the two worlds, so he expects it to become uncomfortably warm during the summoning.

Taking a deep breath, Magnus rubs his thumb and forefingers together, preparing his mind and body to use a lot of magic in the coming minutes. Tongue wetting his lips, he parts them to speak words and start the summoning.

“I call upon the power of the pentagram,” Magnus moves his arm forward, the movement sharp and controlled. Magic moves quickly from Magnus' fingertips like the sharp snap of a crocodile's jaw, fire igniting along a diagonal strip of the star and turning it a deep, demonic red.

It's begun.

“Swordsman of Edom,” another sharp movement, blazer swinging with him gracefully despite the power of his magic.

Just the name of the demon sends shivers down his spine, as well as the mention of Edom itself. It won’t falter his magic or stance, because he won't let that place shake him to the core.

The line opposite the previously ignited one illuminates, beginning to emit red light that spreads the colour over people around the pentagram. It reflects in the eyes of everyone present, the red of Edom and demonic power. Candles start to burst into small flames one by one, seconds dragged out agonisingly as Magnus continues summoning, tone confident but now with a commanding thunder. The years he's been alive have given him unmatched power, making his magic incredibly respected, warping to and  _with_  the warlock’s will.

“I summon thee, from Edom to this realm and mystical confinement,” one more movement, this time horizontal to Magnus.

Spreading both his hands out, fingers stretched but curved to control the magic sparking at his fingertips, Magnus prepares the final words before the demon will stand before them. Red light continues to illuminate the courtyard, moving ever so slightly as the flames present on the chalk begin to build, the demonic energy clawing at the concrete of the courtyard, breaking through the realm.

“I summon thee, the Shadowhunters seek the Soul Sword,” he ignites another line of chalk, “and you will be rewarded in return.”

Jace grips the hilt of his seraph blade on his thigh, Isabelle clenching her fist and letting the whip resembling a small snake slither down her arm, ready for combat.

“For this exchange, _I summon thee!”_ Magnus ignites one final line of chalk, swiftly keeping the movement going as his other hand joins and forces both arms upwards.

The red lines of the pentagram create a deafening crack, the screams of Edom piercing the air as a pillar of fire reaches into the sky. It covers the institute in a strong, heart sinking bloody red, screams continuing as the pentagram begins to connect this world and the hell below. At first, the Shadowhunters are confused as to why it's reaching upwards instead of down, but looking up, the red pillar of flames halts its reach to the sky. Hellish magic like this in unstable, and it starts to become heavy, starting to descend. Magnus knows what's coming, as he lowers his posture ever so slightly to avoid falling over.

Some of the Shadowhunters stumble, but they don’t break the pentagram’s hold as the pillar crashes back down, candles blown aside and electrical lights of the courtyard blowing their fuses. Everyone looks away from the blinding light, the heat sudden and thick, clinging to open surfaces of skin, areas covered by clothing quickly becoming drenched in sweat.

Magnus covers his eyes with his forearm, clenching his jaw to bare through the heat. After a few seconds, he'll become immune to it, but the Shadowhunters won't.

Removing his forearm, the courtyard is now unrecognisable. Glass litters the floor, the once bloody red of the magic now gone, leaving in its wake a void of darkness. The summoning circle is still meant to be lit, containing the demon, but Magnus can't see anything just yet.

As the dust settles, Magnus can start to make out a tall figure, his back to him and the Soul Sword shining directly towards the warlock. Instead of the gold decorations he's seen before, they're now pulsing red. Previously, the blade was silver, and now it's obsidian, cracks in the surface from battles. Different shades of red pulse through the weapon like veins, moving up and around towards the hilt. They're only noticeable when they pulse, but to see an angelic weapon turned to darkness haunts you, especially when Magnus never expected it to be this way. Is it completely under his control? Or is it simply a glamour to fool them?

Coughing, Jace turns back to the pentagram, the demon with its head down, but he's slowly beginning to wake up, adjusting to the gravity in this realm. When Jace catches sight of his face, he looks almost exact to what files they already have, which is surprising to him considering he expected a more terrifying looking creature. What shakes the Shadowhunter the most, is how  _normal_ he looks, like any other human. However, the glowing eyes and thick, suffocating aura take that innocent image away from the demon's hands before he even speaks.

The demon’s eyes are downcast as he stands straight, rolling his shoulders slowly, muscles waking. Behind him, Magnus is staring at the back of his head in concentration, not sure if the demon is delaying his grand entrance or if he's simply waiting for them to speak up first.

For a moment, Magnus isn't sure if he's even contained, because there's no prominent lighting from the circle surrounding the demon. Magnus takes his eyes off the demon for a daring few seconds, searching the pentagram, seeing a slight shimmer of orange and red on the ground where the chalk remains. _Thankfully,_ that means they're okay, for now anyway. Giving his fingers a small wiggle, he prepares himself yet again to use a large amount of magic to keep this greater demon subdued if he tries anything funny.

Jace parts his lips to speak, the words hanging at the back of his throat, not pushing forward as the demon snaps to look directly at him. As the demon's eyes bore into the Shadowhunter, he suddenly feels  _gripped_ by the throat, almost as if a ghostly hand is reaching inside his chest and squeezing his lungs so he can’t breathe. Beads of sweat cover his neck and the sides of his face, becoming even more apparent as the demon maintains his gaze.

His eyes are painted red, warm and inviting, but they are the complete opposite if anyone lives to tell the tale of them.

Jace is taken by sudden fright and the will to run, and he _tries_ to keep his ego in check by  _not_ doing that, keeping his feet glued to the ground. The demon clicks his tongue, obviously disappointed at the Shadowhunter's strength to stay put.

The Swordsman rolls his shoulders again, tilting his head to the side to crack his neck and then look down once more. For the first time since he was summoned a minute ago, he speaks.

 _“You know,_ when you invite people over to your house, you usually let them in,” the Swordsman looks around the floor, moving his foot to inspect the chalk underneath, “not let them freeze to death on the porch.”

Magnus doesn't know what it is about his voice, but it feels _different._  It's deep, a coating of confidence and a slither of power. Funnily enough, Magnus associates the demon's voice with one that could read a book, soothing as it sends you to sleep. Mix that with his normal, mundane appearance and no one would guess he's a greater demon. Ultimately, he seems relaxed to be here, having no worry at all that he's trapped inside a pentagram with no room to move except on a single spot. It worries Magnus that the demon is saving a large amount of energy to use it against them some time in the future when fuses run short.

“Swordsman,” Jace swallows his gut fear now the demon isn’t looking at him, but instead admiring the work of the chalk, “We summoned you here for the Soul Sword, and we want to know what you ask in return for the possession of the weapon.”

Overtime, Jace becomes more and more confident, but just as he feels ready to face him, his voice begins to shake again. Halfway through his request, the demon moved his eyes slowly towards him, his head not turning with him as the demonic power burns into Jace's skin.

“I already know that,” the demon clicks his tongue again, pushing his hands into the pockets of his black jeans, “because you have to say that before you summon me. Are you mortals _this_ forgetful?”

Magnus thinks he looks like the most casual demon ever from where he's standing. But his eyes don't lie, and from how broad his shoulders are, he quickly guesses that the demon _must_ still have the training of a Shadowhunter beneath the fabric -- that's _if_ the stories are true. Either way, he means business even without his powers. He's wearing a black blazer over a black collared shirt, a few buttons undone at the neck. Even his tie is black, skinny, folded and tied perfect, pristine. Magnus can't see his front, but from how well that suit jacket fits him, he knows how to dress, or his magic does.

“I also find it quite amusing you still call me the Swordsman of Edom, not that I’m complaining. Sounds kind of dumb, but at the same time like I’m the hero from a children’s fairy tale,” he turns to Isabelle, “What about you? Do you still read them?”

When the demon looks at Isabelle, his expression softens for a few mere seconds, gradually frowning again.

“We’re not here to play your games, _demon_. Say what you want in exchange for the Soul Sword.” Isabelle tries to remain calm, the Swordsman stroking a thumb and forefinger down his skinny tie as she speaks.

That's not what he wanted to hear, and with the lack of answers to his questions, the Swordsman loses interest. For a moment, he wishes to leave, utterly bored with this summoning because these people are  _no fun at all._ But then, the Swordsman senses something that  _is_ interesting, becoming aware of a specific hold of power that surrounds him, keeping him under lock and key -- a power from _Edom._

Ignoring Isabelle, the demon slowly turns in his caged spot, eyes lifting from the floor to Magnus’ shoes, up his legs and torso to eventually rest on his face. Magnus tries to keep his expression calm, but the pure weight of the demon’s gaze is enough to make his knees grow numb.

And those  _eyes._ Nothing should be that beautiful and  _evil_ at the same time.

“Hmm, so _this_ is where you've been all this time,” he places the hand previously fixing his already pristine tie back into his jean pocket, slouching his posture ever so slightly,  _"_ _M_ _agnus Bane_ , the one everyone talks about.”

Jace watches as the demon becomes distracted, about to make a move for the sword through the barrier, but another Shadowhunter has the same idea, working faster and without caution.

“I’m not here for conversation. Your summoning is for the Shadowhunters, not me.” Magnus keeps his hands out, the Swordsman now aware of what's keeping him contained. He doesn’t seem bothered though, as the demon gently smiles at him.

Why is he so god damn  _handsome?_ It doesn't make things fair, not when he's trying to contain a greater demon, but Magnus won't let beauty phase him when this summoning is just as important as it is stupid. But his face, with that smile? And those eyes? It won't be easy to forget this demon, at all.

"That's -- _disappointing._ I would rather talk to you than these angelic annoyances,” Magnus can't help but smile at that, as he himself uses the same wording as the Swordsman does to describe Shadowhunters, “and oh, do excuse me for a second.”

Time seems to shift, seconds swallowed by magic, the Shadowhunter to the Swordsman’s right slowly being suspended into the air, choking on nothing. Magnus looks from the demon to the suspended Shadowhunter, then back to demon, then his hand. The demon's forefinger, middle finger and thumb are pointing outwards, arm slightly to the side.

_His powers can reach through the barrier._

All this time, he was waiting for someone to reach in, to  _dare_ them closer. And it's _worked._

Magnus was going to try and block the force by pushing his magic deeper into the ward, but he's already too late. The Swordsman lifts his hand, the Shadowhunter following like a puppet on a string while the demon smirks to himself. It chills Magnus to the core, how he's smiling at him and not the poor individual under the control of his demonic magic. Demon egos are known to be larger than life, but this one works like he has no fear at all, not even a sense of awareness. He's casual,  _calculated._

Head turning to face the Shadowhunter, the Swordsman begins to frown, noticing the failed attempt of his hand reaching for him, body paralysed in time. Attempting to steal the sword from his back while Magnus is distracted  _sounded_ like a good plan in his head, at least.

The Swordsman will give him points for trying, though.

As the skin of the demon’s outstretched hand starts to turn black, crawling up his arms like tar and reaching his elbow where it stops, a small flame starts to flicker from his eyes. Magnus knows that power, seen it, _knows it,_ _feels it_ in his own veins. He summons power to his palm, invisible to the naked eye, but to Magnus it's clear as day.

“It’s rude to steal other people’s property,” curling his hand into a fist, the Shadowhunter that's suspended becomes less tense, his body having freedom again, but not for long. That freedom is ripped away, the demon pushing his arm out towards the Shadowhunter, sending him flying.

His body crashes into the wall behind where he once stood, the impact _cracking_ the concrete, and the very noise it creates makes everyone except the greater demon cringe, stomachs churning. A small crater becomes visible as the Shadowhunter slides down to the floor, unconscious, high chances of his body being paralysed for numerous days. Staring at him for a few more seconds as the flames in his eyes fizzle out, the demon blinks a few times, control coming back to him.

“Now, where were we?” scratching the back of his neck, the Swordsman prods at the barrier around him, amused by the attempt. When he pushes against it, the magic pushes back, making him frown, "I feel like a dog in a cage.”

“Because you are,” Jace replies, the demon looking to the side so he can hear him better, still facing Magnus slightly, “and enough with the games. You tell us what you want in return and we’ll get this deal over with."

“And send me back to Edom?” Magnus grits his teeth at that, noticing the pain in the demon’s voice, “Why would I _ever_ go back to that place when this realm is _so_ much better? Besides, Magnus is here, which is another benefit entirely."he turns his head back to look at Magnus as he says that last bit.

 _No._ He can’t be the one to babysit this demon.

 _No._ He isn’t going to do this deal any longer.

“I think that’s enough,” Magnus quickly summons magic to his fingertips, the Swordsman looking intrigued, wondering what he's going to do, “I’m cancelling the trade.”

Those are the words that send a sudden fright through the demon, reaching back to grab the Soul Sword from where it hovers against his back. Grip tight and his fingertips calloused, the black veins start to spread over his skin again. Bringing the sword forward, he swings it in an arch, slicing the physical magic in front of Magnus’ very eyes, looking as easy as cutting a hot knife through butter.

A deafening _crack_ pierces the air.

The magic of the ward begins to freeze, becoming almost like glass, the chalk beneath his feet igniting in pure red flames. He's breaking through the seal.

During everything that happens, the demon keeps his focus on Magnus _only._ He never takes his red eyes away from him, the colour beginning to bleed over the surface of his eyes, consuming them fully.

For the first time during this entire summoning, Magnus feels a sense of control that isn't himself, demonic eyes reaching out and taking hold of his body. His hands lower, magic dying at his fingertips. As each shard of the ward begins to fall like broken glass, the distance around the Swordsman becomes blurry, the only thing he can focus on being the demon itself. The Swordsman sheaths the sword on his back again, no longer needing it.

The lines of the chalk that are still ignited begin to dim, but one that is horizontal to Magnus burns brighter than before. A breath later, magic reaches upwards from that very line, creating a wall of pure, demonic flames. It separates Magnus from the Shadowhunters, leaving him isolated with the Swordsman.

“ _Magnus!_ ” Isabelle shouts at the wall, trying to use her whip to control the fire, but to no avail. The flames keep coming back, strike after strike snapping back like a ferocious dragon protecting its treasure.

On the other side of the fire wall, the demon hasn’t moved from where he was summoned, still looking at Magnus with a playful smirk.

“What do you want?” Magnus asks, raising his posture and lifting his chin to try and retain the dominance he usually has. Here, it seems worthless as the demon approaches him, hands in his pockets and taking each step comfortably. He's not phased by Magnus' wealth of power, because if they did decide to battle, it would last for days with no clear winner. 

Maybe he can reason with him. Both of them have power that comes from Edom, after all.

“You of all people know what it’s like down there, Magnus. I’m not going back now I have the chance to be here, and I have company.”

“What do you mean?” Magnus takes a step back, the demon following at the same pace until Magnus’ back hits the wall.

“I mean _you._ If you’re allowed here, why can’t I be?”

“You’re a prince too, I don’t need to lecture you, but you really don’t belong here.”

“So, you remember me?” The demon tilts his head, expression turning blank.

Swallowing the words he wants to say, Magnus goes to push from the wall, but he's blocked by the taller frame of the man in front of him. He's not touching him, but the blank expression he wears is the worst of all. If Magnus can’t read him, he doesn’t know what he wants.

“I’ve heard of you, whispers mainly,” adjusting his waistcoat and brushing the dust from it, Magnus dares himself to look directly into the demon’s eyes, already regretting his decision when he feels a suffocating aura pulse through him, _“Alec.”_

The pronunciation of his name through Magnus’ tongue makes him smile, even if he spat it like a vile taste in his mouth. Alec's smile isn't sickening or devilish, but a _genuine_ smile a normal human would have – and that completely confuses Magnus. How is he even capable of that?

“You can’t bring that instrument here. Everyone will be after you and I don’t want innocent lives in danger.”

“I’m not a killer, Bane.”

“I don’t have proof if you are or not,” Magnus has never seen a confirmed report of Alec taking a life, only rumours. But with the weight of his power and the control he has over it, Alec could easily do so, “If Valentine calls you, don’t give the sword to him =- _please._  We may be demons, but I know we all have some sort of good in us. Go back to Edom, be a prince, and leave us in peace.”

Alec frowns again, appalled with Magnus’ choice of words. That soft, genuine expression is replaced with the glare of a demon once more. He sighs, stepping back and shrugging.

“I _would_ go back, but you’re the only person who can send me back,” Alec smirks again, this time a little teeth showing, canines slightly larger than usual, which means he could be mistaken for a vampire, “So why can’t I take a vacation for a few days? It’d be nice to see what the mundanes get up to, _and_ get to know you a little more."

“No, you can't --"

“I won’t be longer than a few days, I promise.” Alec waves with a salute of two fingers against the side of his head, "See you around, _Bane.”_

Magnus starts to lift his hands to trap him, magic willing at his fingertips, but Alec is already walking back towards the flames, a smirk on his face. He disappears into thin air as the embers fold over his body, his ashes falling to the wind, glowing like fireflies before fading entirely.

When the wall of flame flickers to small ones that skitter across the ground, Isabelle and Jace run towards Magnus.

“Are you alright, Magnus?” Isabelle quickly checks him over for injuries, but finds none that she can see clearly.

Magnus breathes heavily, unable to comprehend that another Prince of Edom is running around rampant without knowledge of the accords.

All because of Magnus.

All because he choked, taken by the small slither of humanity he saw in Alec -- the _hope._

He shouldn’t have agreed to this, he shouldn’t have listened to these _stupid Shadowhunters,_ because now he has to clean up their mess. God knows how long it'll take to track down a demon that doesn't want to be found, to send him back where he came from.

“Where did he go?” Jace’s voice is commanding, and Magnus gently pushes him back to let him know he's still very much in charge here.

“I--,” Magnus inhales, letting his chest expand and take some much needed air, “I don’t know.”

With the courtyard in ruins, glass shards everywhere and scorch marks lining the walls, Magnus is left with very little hope that nothing will go smoothly from now on. Every light bulb in the vicinity needs to be replaced, as well as medical attention for the unconscious Shadowhunter.

This is going to be the start of a _big_ headache.


	2. Deal with the Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, woah!! thank you so much for the support on the first chapter! I'm glad you guys are loving this :') I've added two more chapters that will be epilogue-things for the story since I had a few more ideas. 
> 
> I'll try update this every wednesday/thursday. if there isn't going to be one, I'll announce it on my twitter @karasunoflyy
> 
> This chapter was not meant to be this long, but malec just happens, y'know? enjoy!
> 
> #ODSfic

Darkness remains a heavy blanket over the courtyard, remnants of what happened now a disturbing reminder of what power Magnus has unleashed on the world. Flickers of demonic magic curve the air every few seconds, mocking him that the greater demon escaped. It sounded silly that Alec wanted to take a _vacation,_ but can Magnus really blame him? Being stuck in Edom for every day of his foreseeable future?

If Magnus was in a similar situation, he probably would have done the same. He’s familiar with Edom, not that these Shadowhunters know, and they don’t _need_ to know either. With the legacy surrounding the Swordsman, and if it's true, then the suffering he's been through would make anyone willing to try and find a way out. Magnus only hopes that the demon has more humanity than demon, holding some of what he was before close to his chest, but Magnus surely doubts there's any left. A transformation like the one they say he went through? It must have broken every bone in his body.

With the sound of flames and glass shattering, multiple Shadowhunters flood the courtyard to inspect the damage shortly after Alec's disappearance, helping Shadowhunters who fell from the blast and heat of the demon’s powers. They thought he’d been sent back to Edom, the burnt floor being a telltale sign of a rift opening up. Some of them however, quickly catch on that this isn't the case, piecing it all together from the shocked and somewhat defeated expressions on their faces.

Every candle has been burnt to completion, not even little drops of wax being left behind. Scorch marks cover the summoning circle, broken on one side thanks to that one Shadowhunter leaving the circle to try and take the Soul Sword.  _Idiot._

That very Shadowhunter is being escorted out right now, fellow hunters rushing to his side to quickly activate his iratze. From where Magnus stands, brushing the dust from his sleeves, he sees how limp his body is. He was thrown pretty far back, crimson staining the impact zone that Magnus didn't notice before, probably because the shock of it quickly turned his attention back to Alec, trying to stop him from doing it again to the rest of them.

Isabelle and Jace were the only ones to check if Magnus was okay after the wall of fire fell. Jace didn’t stay for long, running off to send news of the failed summoning to the positions of power at the Institute. He wishes he didn’t, considering Maryse isn’t going to be the happiest bunny about this. They’ll probably have Magnus in the Institute every day now, trying to track Alec so they can hunt him down and execute him. A life on the run from Shadowhunters might not be ideal, but it’s certainly better than Edom. Although living in Edom can’t really be considered a lifestyle anyway, since it's more like torture.

Fixing his clothes as he walks away from the courtyard, Magnus sighs. Why didn’t he send him back? Why did he hesitate to send a _demon_ back? Why not even vanquish him on the spot and let the Soul Sword drop to the floor? Maybe it was the glimmer of something _more,_ something more than a _demon_ with embers that can melt bone.

_Humanity._

An element that people forget too often. A simple smile can change someone’s day, or a warming hug that can give some much needed comfort to someone struggling to find warmth. Company, another person there to spend your life with.

Maybe that’s all Alec wants. He wants a chance to become someone else for a change, _something_ else. Knowing there’s a world out there he can’t reach, a life he left behind, they’re all motives to want more than what he has. And what he has is very little, his powers not being the highlight of his life at all considering what happened to him. Alec didn’t even want them, because from what the stories tell people, he was _forced._

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Magnus struggles to come to terms with why he’s sympathizing with a demon, one that holds the _Soul Sword_ of all things. He definitely understands him more than the Shadowhunters do, but that doesn’t mean Magnus can excuse him if Alec causes more havoc than he’s worth. There’s no way he'll be back until Alec has fulfilled what he set out to do, because Magnus could sense it in the way he spoke, that determination for more. Alec wants  _freedom._

Alec's alone in Edom, surrounded by weeping and tortured souls – but he will also be alone _here._ With no family or friends to stay by his side, he’ll be travelling a lonely road. There's no doubt he’ll be hunted as well, seen as the world’s greatest enemy by the people who know of the Shadow World. That isn’t a life Magnus would want, especially now he’s so established and comfortable in his own shoes, more than he has for generations.

Alec saw his reason to stay when he saw Magnus. That smirk wasn’t just evil, but a new dream being forged, grabbing hold of his body as it pushes him one step forward rather than holding back. It all makes sense to Magnus in the most wicked way, but some things are still blotchy.

He only makes it to the courtyard entrance when he's stopped by Isabelle, giving a curt nod towards her and walking on. She follows.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Magnus?” At least one of these people has the care to ask him, others simply ignoring his existence entirely. To some, Magnus is only a tool to get them a winning flag for their war.

“I’m quite alright, thank you. I suppose you’re here to say I need to go see someone?” snaps Magnus, but it isn’t without a pang of hurt when admitting that out loud. Magnus Bane isn’t stupid.

Even if this Shadowhunter has more manners than the rest of them, in a war like this with Valentine, true colours eventually bleed from the seams.

“No. I came to see if you were okay. He blocked you from us and we wouldn’t have been able to save you if he did something.” patting his shoulder and brushing some dust off that Magnus missed, Isabelle gives him some space, but remains standing beside him in the main hall of the Institute.

“And you would have saved me if you could?” those words shock Isabelle, causing her to frown, but only slightly.

“That's my job. Even without that, I don’t see why we would simply sacrifice you to save our own kind. _You_ were the one who agreed to do this in the first place, and I won’t let you feel like some _tool,”_ sighing, she adjusts her hair, bringing it forward and over her right shoulder, “I know it seems far fetched, but not every Shadowhunter is cold.”

“Well,” Magnus rolls his eyes, “you’ve done a marvellous job to make it hard to believe that. Maybe in time I’ll come to trust you.”

“In time?”

“This war with Valentine is toxic. That means it doesn’t only impact your people, but it also impacts mine. Some of us live in fear that one day we won’t exist because you Shadowhunters can’t keep your own stragglers under wraps.”

Stunned, Isabelle parts her lips to speak, but nothing follows. Magnus knows he’s right, as much as that sucks in reality. If they weren’t so corrupt in most of their ideals, this war with Valentine wouldn’t exist. He’s tempted to say more, to put forward his point to someone that will probably forget what he’s said once he leaves the institute, but he’s interrupted.

Large heels create thunder as they approach Magnus and Isabelle, intent on finding answers. Maryse looks like she’s about to launch a seraph blade right through Magnus as she stops directly in front of him, face square to his. Her anger is prominent, hands clenched by her sides, brows creased and trying to look down on him with the upturn of her nose.

“A word, _Bane.”_ as quickly as she stormed to him, she turns away, expecting him to follow without any other words.

All Isabelle does is place a hand to the side of her neck, slouching. When she notices Magnus looking at her, she raises her attention from the floor, giving what Magnus would call an apologetic smile. Out of everyone, Isabelle seems to be the most mature, the most human. He truly doubts he’ll come to like all Shadowhunters, but maybe this one is worth knowing. It’s a start, at least.

Magnus will apologise to her some other time, as seconds wasted standing here are more seconds where Maryse boils. An angry Maryse is something to be feared if peace and quiet is favoured, because the last time Magnus did something to anger her, she had Shadowhunters bang on his door every other day for no reason other than to annoy him. He still hasn’t forgotten that, especially since they accused him of what another warlock was doing, a warlock he eventually helped find because of the Clave’s constant moaning.

 _The law is hard but it is the law_.

How  _naive._  Why make your laws so hard you can’t even follow them yourself? If he hears that line again, he’ll vomit.

 

_\- - - - -_

While walking behind Maryse, Magnus holds his phone in his hand, opening the previous conversation with Ragnor to let him know he’ll be home a little late.

_[I’ll be a while my friend, frog got out of the box.]_

Ragnor’s reply is almost instant, waiting at the other end for news as soon as Magnus left. He may joke, but Ragnor worries about Magnus more that he’d like to admit out loud.

_[What kind of saying is that? And is the frog the demon?]_

_[Yep.]_

This time, his reply is a few seconds later, probably sighing and tipping his head back.

_[I knew this was a bad idea! Those Clave snobs will probably put you on demon rodeo duty now.]_

Magnus laughs, making Maryse halt and turn around.

“What are you laughing at?” She grumbles, looking from his face to the phone, trying to read the screen.

“Oh, nothing important. Carry on.” Forcing a smile, Maryse deepens her frown, turning back and starting to walk again. Magnus texts back with a relaxed smile on his face.

_[You do make these situations more humorous, friend.]_

_[All part of the plan to get me that vineyard. I’ll make sure the chair is fed and tucked under the table. Take care Magnus. I’m glad you’re okay.]_

_[You as well, dear.]_

When Ragnor mentions his cat as an actual chair, it always makes him smile. Ragnor will never let that joke go no matter how many times Magnus complains about it.

Shoving his phone back into his trouser pocket, he adjusts his jacket again and concentrates on the next task at hand. At least Ragnor is a friend he can rely on, something to look forward to when this mess is dealt with.

Entering the office is like entering a cage fight. Robert argues with someone over the phone while three other Shadowhunters argue in the corner. Magnus remembers that one of them was a member of the demon summoning circle, while the other two were standing as lookouts near the doors. Whatever happened between them, it must have been related to the Shadowhunter who's now getting medical treatment.

Maryse walks passed Magnus, moving to the front of her desk and swinging the laptop around. A few mouse pad clicks and heavy typing silence the arguments in the back, because they seem to know what’s coming, all standing with straight posture, legs slightly parted and hands behind their backs. A soldier’s stance, waiting for what Magnus guesses to be an order from Maryse.

First of all, it's not Maryse. Second of all,  _it's much worse._

_“High Warlock?”_

Her voice is digital, slightly fuzzy from the bad connection as it struggles to reach the distance. It becomes more clear when Magnus gives the laptop his full attention, stomach falling at the face that now matches the voice.

_The Inquisitor._

Her hair shapes her sharp features, a strong tone enforcing her words with leadership. At least Maryse calls him by his last name, whereas the Inquisitor fails to acknowledge his existence entirely if she can help it. Taking a deep breath, Magnus places his fingertips together, accompanied by a forced smile on his face.

“Inquisitor! _Lovely_ to see you! Is that a new haircut I see?”

_“I’m not here to converse with you, Warlock. I’m here for you to explain why the summoning didn’t go as planned.”_

Magnus looks from the screen to Maryse. Didn’t she say the Clave were explicitly not informed?

“Can I ask how you know about this?”

 _“We received a request to transport a Shadowhunter here through portal for our medical services, as the Institutes are not to the grade they need. I simply asked what happened,”_ Magnus can’t believe what he's hearing. These people are the ones protecting the Downworld? Keeping secrets from each other that they eventually find out when something goes terribly wrong?  _"But I'm not here to talk about Mrs Lightwood's actions_ _, I’m here to talk about yours. How did the demon escape? And where is he now?”_

Anything Magnus could say won’t be enough, he already knows that. This time, he doesn’t hold the sigh back, the Inquisitor seeming just as annoyed as Magnus. She wants this exchange to be over as quickly as possible, and when it _is_ over, he wishes to never hear this woman’s voice again. Back home, there's wine, his cat, Ragnor -- _all_ more pleasant things than being here.

“One of your _highly trained_ Shadowhunters decided it was a good idea to try and steal the very object the demon is protecting. Once he went for it, the demon saw an opportunity and held onto him through the barrier. Pushing him away reduced the power of the cage holding him, making a weak spot he could cut through himself with the Soul Sword.”

_“So he does have the sword?”_

Magnus rolls his eyes for what feels like the tenth time that day. Why wouldn’t the demon have the Sould Sword? And why is she not acknowledging the mistake of the Shadowhunter? She's looking at Magnus like he's the fault of _every single problem._

“Of course he does. That’s why he’s called the Swordsman in your files, right?”

 _“Is it still angelic?”_ the Inquisitor cuts him off, more worried about what’s become of their precious instrument rather than Magnus’ joke.

Now that he thinks about it, the sword _did_ look more demonic than anything else. It’s practically become one with the demon, reacting to his skin when he touched it like a second mind.

“From my guess, no,” the room feels suddenly tense, Magnus feeling the air growing thicker. On the screen, Magnus can see the other leading members of the Clave looking towards each other in silent panic, “The Adamantium has turned black and the gold is now red. There’s no way it’s still angelic unless he’s simply fooling us.”

 _“That must be the case,”_ the Inquisitor sighs, shaking her head ever so slightly before continuing, _“Warlock, your job is to summon him again, making sure this time he doesn’t escape.”_

Magnus’ lips form a tight line, trying extremely hard not to speak the words he wants to say out loud.

Oh _to hell with it._  He’s already stuck in the mud with these angels. Might as well add to it, hopefully knocking some sense into them on the way that Magnus will no longer be their lap dog. If they can’t give him reliable Shadowhunters to help, then he’d rather hunt this demon on his own.

“I’m not summoning any demon until you get me Shadowhunters that are actually _trained_ and follow my orders. Not only was my life at risk with that incident, but your people too,” she's about to say something, but Magnus speaks up before she can say anything else, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with my rather luxurious leather couch and a small glass of wine.” Giving a curt nod, he doesn’t even bother to look at Maryse before leaving the room.

“Bane!” Magnus halts at the doorway, slightly looking to his right, “We’re not finished here.”

“I am.”

“Leaving now will be a direct act against the Clave.” Maryse replies, voice stern.

Magnus turns around, pivoting on his back foot.

 _“Oh,_ I see. So me having a choice, doing things for myself that will cause no harm to other people is _against_ the rules? Shadowhunters are the ones that made this mess, not me,” he gestures around the room with the point of his finger, “You are the ones that want the sword. If that demon stayed in Edom, we would’ve all been better off. Valentine doesn’t have the resources to trade for it, and I highly doubt the Swordsman wants to let his trophy go. Demon’s and their egos are two peas in a pod, and frankly he would _mock_ Valentine for even trying. He'll escape just like he did with us, because I doubt Valentine has a warlock more powerful than I to summon him.”

On the screen, the Inquisitor looks furious. She knows it’s their fault, but there’s absolutely no way she’ll admit it. Not to Magnus. Not to a _Downworlder._

“When I put it like that, it sounds like we’re screwed either way. Shadowhunters can’t keep their brewing villains in check, so now we _all_ suffer. Congratulations. Now, any more questions?” Magnus keeps himself composed, tone refined, confident.

None of the Shadowhunters dare to speak, knowing that Magnus won’t take any arguments that say he’s the one at fault. He isn’t. Sure, his magic was too late to stop the demon, but if that one Shadowhunter didn’t risk his life in the first place to get a quick deal done with, they wouldn’t be stuck in the mud right now.

“I’ll only consider summoning him again when he starts to threaten lives, not out of desperation because someone was silly enough to think ‘taking candy from a baby’ is a real statement. As of now, he’s missing and not bothering anyone. For all we know, he might get some chinese takeaway and send himself back to Edom. Goodnight.”

Pulling his lapels, Magnus gives one last glance to the screen, whispers wondering between the officials behind the Inquisitor’s face.

When he turns around, leaving the door open as he leaves, Magnus has no intention of turning back. The Swordsman is no longer his problem, and frankly, he doesn’t want to see him again. Edom is something he never wants to hear again –- and Alec will become a constant reminder of that. The Clave is the demon’s problem now, not Magnus'.

Find another Warlock for all he cares. That Shadowhunter threatened his life, and he’s not going to work with amateur Shadowhunters. Isabelle gives him a smile on the way out, Magnus finding himself returning it. At least she seems level headed.

Even if Magnus denies helping any further, he knows his apartment doors will receive utmost attention in these coming days. He’s the High Warlock, of course he’ll be the first on their list to call for a greater demon on the loose.

 

_\- - - - -_

A week since the Swordsman’s summoning has passed. There’s absolutely no sign of him on Magnus’ part. Frankly, he doesn’t care, as long as he doesn’t start threatening people. From his knowledge and the occasional report of Shadowhunters at his door, Alec is hopping all over the world and making sure he makes his presence known to every Institute base there is.

Magnus is currently standing in his apartment, wine glass in hand as he gazes out the window. The same pair of pigeons are sat on the opposite roof again, moving their wings gracefully. It's almost like a dance, one of them chasing the other, swapping like they're taking turns to catch each other in a game of tag.

Bringing the glass to his lips, he takes a gentle sip, continuing to look at the birds outside his window as he does so. Maybe he’ll take a break one day, to relax and just explore the world.

 _Could_ he do that?

Magnus enjoys being the High Warlock, keeping his title through power and leadership alone. Other warlocks look up to him and don’t dare challenge him, not when he’s brought so much stability to his people. Even though Edom is his own secret to keep, the world has only seen a drop of what he holds at his fingertips. But now that he thinks about it, taking a vacation might be on the bottom of his list, especially in a time like this with Valentine’s _higher calling._

Perhaps, when this is all over, he might. He can travel wherever he wants to be, to explore new and old cultures, to be a little free. Drink to his heart’s content, to dance, to lose himself in a stranger's arms for one night, only to forget about it the next day when the bed grows empty. It’s something to look forward to, no doubt, but he can’t drop everything right now, not when he has people to save. His people are more important than a conga line in a club when he’s intoxicated.

The title of High Warlock is an immense weight, a  _huge_ responsibility to carry on his shoulders. Magnus has to do his job, to _excel_ in it.

A loud set of three knocks, followed by a random one after sounds on his door. Shadowhunters, _again._

Sighing, Magnus carries his wine glass with him, hoping the beverage will make the time between them entering the apartment and leaving a little quicker.

Dressed in a red, silk shirt open to the bottom of his chest, Magnus opens the door to two Shadowhunters. As usual, these warriors of heaven are dressed in black. However this time, it's not the usual errand boys, but Jace and Isabelle.

“What is it today that’s so important to tell me after the last week? You’ve been coming to my door since the summoning every day to see if I’ve become a hotel for greater demons,” he opens the door wider to let them in, knowing if they sent two of their best, it's probably going to be something serious, as much as that annoys him, “I can assure you I would not be giving refuge to him. I’d rather send him back where he came from.”

Isabelle speaks up first, dressed in a rather beautiful dress that defines all her curves and empowers her presence. She’s clearly confident about her own figure, a positivity that makes Magnus respect her that much more. Kind, well dressed, rather humorous and knows when she’s right or wrong. Those are traits Magnus can trust, even if just a little bit.

“We're here because the Clave wants this kept between trusted members.”

“Did you fire the… _inadequate_ ones?” Magnus’s brows raise, turning ever so slightly towards them as he walks back to where he stood before, showing he's a _little_ interested in the answer.

“No,” Jace was the one to talk this time, “They’ve been sent back to training. The guy who was paralysed is still in Idris.”

Magnus guessed so, since that was the only question he bothers asking when the usual group of Shadowhunters show up to inspect his home.

“At least he learned his lesson.” sitting down, Magnus makes himself comfortable. If the _Clave_ is getting desperate, this is going to get pretty humorous, "So, is it good or bad news?”

Isabelle and Jace both exchange a look, silently debating on who should drop the news on him. Shrugging, Jace does a face that could only be described as confusion. He obviously doesn’t know how to break the news to him, so Isabelle sighs once more and finally looks at Magnus.

“The Clave wants you to contact the Swordsman. They want you to _befriend_ him, to get him to hand over the sword that way.”

The foot Magnus was circling in the air stops, squinting and turning his head to the side.

“I beg your pardon?”

Closing his eyes, Jace begins to regret agreeing in delivering the news.

 _This_ news is drastically different than any other that's come before. It's always been for him to report any sign of him, or trying to bribe him in summoning the demon again. At one point, they even asked Magnus to track him, and Magnus can’t track him even if he wanted to/ There's no possessions or history of Alec in this realm, and trust him, he’s done his research. And even if he _did_ have a possession to help track the demon, he would also have to get through the demonic level of wards preventing people from tracking him. Magnus and the Swordsman are equally matched in terms of power, balancing each other out in opposite strengths and weaknesses. So if Magnus pushes, the demon will pull, always keeping that distance moving between them.

“You’re the High Warlock, so the Clave thinks because you have great power and leadership, the demon will want that in exchange,” Isabelle crosses her arms, one leg slightly to the side, “which is just ridiculous and putting your life on the line, _again._ I swear they think demon’s have no brain at all, and okay, some don’t, but this is a _greater demon_ we’re talking about. A demon who stole an _angelic weapon, so_ he has to have _some_ form of intelligence.”

Even if he’s angered by the Clave once again, not that he should be surprised, Isabelle does make him chuckle a little. Jace seems to agree by his little smirk, but the rough exterior returns just as quickly as it faded before.

“Let me get this straight,” placing his wine glass down on the table beside him, Magnus stands up and begins to gesture slowly, aiding the carry of his words, “the Clave wants me to exchange my _title_ and _power_ for a sword that is meant to wipe out Downworlders?”

Jace and Isabelle both nod, but it’s not one of confidence.

“Look, Bane. We aren’t here to say you have to do it. We’re meant to, but it just seems stupid. I think the whole getting to know him is a good plan, to try and understand why he’s so reluctant to go back.”

“I don’t think a demon ever would.” Magnus replies, Jace stepping forward and grumbling a little.

“Now that I think about it, that does sound stupid, but if you talk to the demon and get to know him we can report it back to the Clave. Well, _just_ what they need to know. Once they get enough information, they may back off and let you handle it yourself. They might get impatient if it goes on for too long, but you can drag this out until you send him back to Edom yourself.”

It sounds like a reach for Magnus, but at least Isabelle and Jace are considering other options, ones that aren’t direct orders from the corrupt leaders of their organisation.

“You don’t care about the sword, do you?” Magnus speaks that into the silence of the room, letting the penny drop.

Isabelle looks especially tired at that, slowly shaking her head. She rolls her shoulders, easing the tension, but also counting as a nervous gesture.

“Frankly, no. It’s a lifeline if something goes wrong and we can’t fix it. But since we are never good at cleaning up our mistakes in the first place, it isn’t really a lifeline. I think of it as a tool if the Clave get too bored or tired of dealing with everything demonic,” she looks down, afraid to say it to Magnus’ face in case the truth might hurt, “and for just one demon, when we activate it -- thousands of others won’t even get to say goodbye before it’s over.”

“They’ve been arresting Downworlders who they think are aiding Valentine, or even the demon. Maia, who I think you know, got arrested a few days ago, accused she offered a bunk to the Swordsman.” Jace cuts in, placing a comforting hand on his sister’s shoulder.

“And how did they come to that conclusion?” Taking a step forward, Magnus slowly begins to trust in what these siblings have to say. You can either call it desperation to get this situation over with, or to have allies in convenient places.

“Some of her customers reported seeing a tall guy in a black skinny tie downing half the bar’s stock. Wolves got angry, went to the Shadowhunters and told them the guys description of the demon in their space and arrested the owner in suspicion,” Isabelle chuckles at the way Magnus sighs, lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, “But don’t worry, she got released yesterday. Not without being under close watch though.”

That’s a relief. At least now he doesn't have to break his favourite bartender out of angelic jail. Question is, did Alec _actually_ go there to sleep? Does he even need to recover? Thinking about a demon’s sleeping pattern isn’t going to set them in any particular direction, and neither will it get the Clave off his back so he and his people can live in peace.

“This is ridiculous,” Magnus turns around, moving around his couch and heading towards the kitchen, trying to get ready what he’s going to cook for dinner. “Agreeing to summoning a demon of such mischief and power? A _mistake._ All it’s done is give me no peace and quiet. I’ve barely had time to focus on my clients and attend to my people’s needs.”

Isabelle follows behind Magnus, keeping close but also keeping distance. Jace remains where he is, crossing and hugging his arms tighter to his own body, deciding shortly after to place them in the pockets of his leather jacket. He doesn’t seem too comfortable talking about this.

“I can’t comprehend what stress this causes you, Magnus, but we’re here to help you.” Isabelle places a gentle hand on his shoulder, “It’s our fault, and unfortunately Shadowhunters won’t own up to it. Whatever you decide, we’ll be here to help you, okay?”

He’d been assorting vegetables on his kitchen side when Isabelle placed that hand on his shoulder, momentarily pausing his actions to look to her. Magnus’ warm brown eyes see nothing but honesty reflecting back at him.

“Why do you trust me?” That's the first thing Magnus thinks of to say, and the first thing to escape his mind before he can take it back.

“Because it’s hard to find honest people during times like these. I know for sure you’re one of them.” She smiles softly, removing her hand to not overstay her welcome.

Leaving his side, she walks back to Jace, both of them preparing to leave the apartment. Magnus doesn’t want them to go without voicing what he wants in this situation, and if he’s clear about it, then maybe these two Shadowhunters will help him avoid any confrontation with the Clave. No Clave involvement may equal a cleaner and more efficient outcome.

And by efficient, Magnus means no _unnecessary headaches._

Quickly pivoting, he clears his throat and begins to approach the two of them. With a smile on his face, Magnus feels that this is a step forward in the right direction, a step forward in solving this problem. Isabelle and Jace look up, Isabelle smiling as she adjusts her small coat that hangs over her shoulders. Their eyes express a clear interest in what he’s going to say.

“I--,“

Magnus feels his breath catch, a mental image of a hand holding his throat constricting his airway. A heat that makes his back start to sweat bleeds over the surface of his skin, a force pushing against him from behind, but it doesn’t physically move him. _Something_ is moving closer, silent, _calculated._

Isabelle and Jace start to look confused at Magnus’ silence. They don’t seem to be feeling the same sudden heat that Magnus is, which is confusing until his brain starts to catch up with what's happening. Only the back of his body feels hot compared to his front, a worrying thought that becomes more frightening as seconds tick by.

Then the heat disappears as quick as it punched him, an equally warm breath travelling over the faded hair at the back of his neck, sweat pooling where it touches. Magnus feels the hairs reach up on his arms, his hand that was meant to gesture with his words suspended by his chest. His eyes lock onto the door behind Isabelle and Jace, blinking now and then.

 _“Don’t move,”_ a whisper falls across his neck, rough in tone as he feels the presence closer than before, “they can’t see me.”

Magnus doesn’t need to be told twice, he knows that voice already. It’s underlining growl, teasing grin framing it as Alec watches him tense under his words. His skin jumps at every breath that rolls over his neck, the demon’s hand moving back to unsheathe the sword.

Moving the red of his demon eyes from Magnus’ head, he looks to the Shadowhunters in front, frowning.

“Tell them to leave,” Alec moves the Soul Sword so the very tip presses against the middle of Magnus’ back, making him gasp from the sharp pain that shockwaves up and down his spine, “and don’t mention that I’m here. _They don’t need to know.”_

He gently twists the sword, the fabric of Magnus’ waistcoat shifting around tip of the blade. It tightens the fabric around his waist, adding to the pressure that Alec’s demonic power emits. Alec hasn’t pierced his skin with the blade, but if Magnus moves, it threatens to.

“Magnus? Are you alright?” the warlock hasn’t responded for almost a minute. They thought he was trying to piece together his answer, especially with that gasp like he had a sudden thought, but Isabelle can see the small glint of fear in his eyes, the uncertainty of taking his next breath.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, man.” Jace chuckles, but the way he says it doesn’t manage to hide his nerves.

 _“Ah,_ how I wish I could tell him that was a good joke,” Alec looks at Magnus as he hangs his head near his left shoulder, hearing the blood pump through the vein on the side of Magnus’ neck, “Can you tell him for me?”

Magnus has to do _something._

“I’ll get back to you at some point about this issue. Thank you for stopping by.” Magnus gives a stiff gesture, which Isabelle makes out to be some kind of wave. He sincerely hopes they’ll escort themselves out.

Isabelle gives one more glance at Magnus, trying to read why he's so… _frozen._ She hasn’t known him long, but this isn’t behaviour she’s seen before from the warlock. She’ll worry about him, of course, but if he’s having second thoughts about this whole thing, then Isabelle will give him time. Once the door closes behind her, Magnus can hear her heels run down the hall to try and catch up with Jace who already left.

Alec waits a few more seconds until he removes the tip of the sword from Magnus’ back, lifting it back over his head to sheathe it again.

In that moment, Magnus summons the magic from deep within his chest, feeling it stir and build like the start of a wildfire. Magnus won't get another chance like this, so he has to gain the advantage _now._ Once more, Magnus showcases his strength, wielding his magic like a puppet as his fingertips arch out to summon it to the living world, thrusting it towards the demon with every ounce of strength he has left.

Realising he’s not in a position to retaliate, Alec prepares himself for the hit. Alec’s body goes through the defensive steps, turning his head away, eyes closing and holding his breath as quickly as he can before the magic winds him.

He’s sent flying, crashing through the table and towards the back wall where his lower back first makes contact. Dust flies forward from the red bricks, coating the air in a thick fog around Alec, obscuring his vision and not being able to map where Magnus is other than the glow of magic from his hands. Body sinking to the floor, the impact sends a wave of torturous pain through his body. One leg sits up, the other falling to the side as he pushes his head back against the wall. Damn, Alec didn’t expect _that._

Magnus remains at a distance, red magic sparking and crackling at his fingertips. His posture holds high, weight equally spread in a stance that prepares him to move and control his magic efficiently. He oozes control, _power,_ something that intrigues Alec more than he’d like to admit. Every second he spends with this famed Magnus Bane is another that leaves him fascinated.

The Soul Sword fell from Alec’s hand halfway through the flight, Magnus’ magic forcing his body to lose control for the duration. It rests near where Alec’s body split the dining room table in half, still humming with energy as Magnus approaches with caution.

“Enough. You’ve had your fun. You’re going back.” Magnus doesn’t let one ounce of nerves hinder his voice, completely entrancing Alec with a tone that threatens him.

Bringing a hand up to cough, Alec squints at the dust around him, coating his blazer and tie with a horrible layer of the stuff. The demon can feel it itch his skin, wanting to scratch where it irritates him, but he doesn’t think Magnus will even give him _that_ luxury.

He did come here unannounced, after all. He wasn’t even invited.

“Well, they certainly didn’t lie about you packing some punch.” Alec coughs after he speaks, trying to push himself from the ground, but Magnus quickly latches a magic tether around him. It punches through the bricks, stapling him to the wall, _“Easy,_ Bane. I just want to make sure you didn’t tell them I was here.”

Both of Magnus’ hands are suspended in front of him, face grit with a determination not many get the chance to see, only his enemies. He’s not going to bend to Alec’s demonic mind games, not like he’d done so minutes ago. But when Alec speaks his last name, he flicks one of his fingers, the tether around Alec squeezing harder and _harder_ until Alec can’t brave through it with his ego.

 _“Fuck_ \-- alright, _stop!”_ Feeling the air being pushed from his lungs, Alec has no other choice but to start following orders. At least until he gets free of this tether.

“Why are you here?” Magnus’ words thunder, his jaw set and teeth clenching tight after he finishes the question.

Alec looks from the floor to Magnus, lips forming a tight line as he measures what he’s going to say. He can’t be cocky and he can’t be flirty, because Alec’s more than sure he'll never give him the chance to leave.

Stapled to a brick wall, covered in dust and at the mercy of a warlock, it’s not exactly the way he wants to go.

“I came to see you,” Alec replies, Magnus taking a step forward, about to twist his wrist and command the magic again. The demon's first words are elevated, but they begin to calm once Magnus halts his advance, “I came here because I want to propose a deal.”

“Now why would I ever want to make a deal with _you?_ ”

Provoking and continuing Alec’s conversation was a big mistake. As long as Magnus keeps replying and talking, he’s going to win his way around him, to free himself of Magnus’ magic.

“Ah, true. I wouldn’t want to make a deal with a man looking like _this,_ ” the demon smirks, looking down at himself and then back to Magnus.

Magnus stares at him in silence. He wishes this demon was one of the angry ones, because they’re usually easier to deal with. A demon like Alec, so unknown and feared, he doesn’t know what to expect. Magnus isn’t making any movements like he did before, so that means he’s at _least_ willing to hear him out, which Alec doesn’t know _why._

Alec continues to stare at him through his lashes, head back against the wall, putting on a face that _knows_ he’s going to win him over. Time goes on, Alec continuing to stare, raising a single brow when Magnus doesn’t look like he wants to say anything.

“Well?”

“I’m waiting,” Magnus looks at the tether, noticing the magic remains potently strong, “Are you going to tell me, or do I call you a taxi?”

“A taxi? What’s that?”

Magnus just stares at him blankly, moving on quickly.

Even though Magnus is trying to be sarcastic, there’s no smile on his face. Alec _does_ smile however, huffing to himself and shaking his head. Magnus can tighten the tether at his own command, ending him and this conversation when he feels like it. But he doesn’t, the warlock’s hand still suspended and curled, ready to turn the dial  _if_ he needs to.

“I’d rather discuss deals over a glass of wine, not pinned to a wall,” Alec looks up, finding a part of his fringe that falls on his face rather annoying. Pursing his bottom lip, he tries to blow the strands back onto his main set of hair, but it ends up just falling back down, “Help a guy out here?”

He doesn’t want to risk letting him go, especially if Alec’s going to threaten him again. Even if he looks innocent now, that can all change in the blink of an eye. If he lets him go without saying he will, he could quickly trap the sword against another wall so Alec can’t take it back.

That’s the plan, at least. A quick, rather terrible plan. But he has one, and that’s a good start.

Waiting for him to look away isn’t an option, as Alec continues to watch him, waiting for his demonic eyes to take hold of him. He’s looking directly at him, trying to find a way into his soul and hold him, to tether him back but through the mental mind. Magnus knows his own limits when it comes to power, but he doesn’t know Alec’s. From the summoning, he’s aware of the fire and some sort of force he can manipulate mass with. Then there’s a demon’s usual strength and speed, perhaps doubled because of his greater demon status. Not forgetting heightened senses as well, and because Alec is known to hunt sins, he has senses that _aren’t_ human. Like he can feel when someone commits one, turning on that switch when he feels hungry. Those hazels from the summoning are gone, replaced by the ruby of his demon eyes, reading every spectrum of colour known to man and supernatural alike.

Taking a deep breath or adjusting his stance will be a giveaway that he’s going to move. If Alec can predict when, he can prepare a counter attack. So Magnus chooses a random second, uncurling his hand to break the tether, swinging his arm around to let his magic fly and cage itself around the Soul Sword. If Alec dares to touch it, the magic will singe his skin, knocking him back.

Magnus expects him to have a go at escaping, but he doesn’t. He inhales, recovering the breaths he missed while being squeezed so tightly. Hand to the wall behind him, Alec uses it as support to pull himself up, feeling rather dizzy for a small few seconds as his body restarts. The impact of being thrown made him a little numb, and he’s not surprised.

Alec begins to brush his sleeves down, watching as the dust falls to the floor. There's numerous rips on the side of his jacket, which means his outfit is now ruined, and that fault is entirely his own.

“Looks like you owe me a new suit jacket.” inspecting the damage a little more, Alec sighs, deciding that removing the jacket will be better than leaving it on until he gets a new one.

“I don’t _owe_ you _anything._ You owe _me_ my past week of alone time.” Magnus keeps one of his hands close to his chest, playing with one of the buttons on his shirt to keep his magic contained, but also to be ready to defend himself. Just because the demon is calm now doesn’t mean he’ll stay that way, Alec being able to change his personality and devious ways when it suits him best.

Pulling one arm out of his sleeve, Alec lets the suit jacket fall off his shoulder, the other arm following the same movement. Alec doesn’t know where to put it, so he looks around, the jacket hooked on his finger as he tries to find somewhere to bin it. Magnus hopes he’s dumb enough to just leave it, so if he walks away from this encounter, he can easily track him with it. But… why is the demon even _bothering?_ Maybe they’ve finally learnt some manners to not leave trash everywhere.

“And why’s that? Shadowhunters asking for insurance for the damage I caused?” Alec speaks as he continues to look around, deciding to place it in a bin that isn’t far from where he’s stood.

Letting it drop inside the bin, he watches it fall in silence, almost saddened he’s having to say goodbye. That _was_ his favourite jacket, but he can probably find one similar once he’s out of here. Turning around, he pushes his shirt sleeves up, rolling them at the elbows and adjusting them so there aren’t any creases. His tie still has some dust, which he brushes off, finally looking more presentable to make that deal he was talking about. However, the black shirt alone shows more to Magnus than he wants to know.

Alec’s undone the top two buttons, pulling his tie down a bit so it’s just sitting on the bottom of his collarbone. Magnus dares himself to look, if only for a second, just to see the dip where the bone casts a shadow, and where the strong line of muscle leads up to his shoulders.

_Just a façade, it’s a trick._

_Don’t fall for him._

“Unfortunately, yes. They think I’m offering a hotel service to you.” Alec starts to laugh at that, sitting on the arm of the chair with one leg outstretched, the other leg having the bottom of his foot flat against the side of the chair.

He’s slouching, just enough to let his back make a gentle curve. And he looks -- _relaxed?_   Yet he’s just been threatened by Magnus, held to a wall with the danger of being sent back, and Alec _can_ be sent back at any second.

Does Alec trust him? Or is it just annoying, overwhelming confidence in himself? Whatever it is, it’s driving Magnus insane every second he spends with him. But perhaps that’s what Alec wants, to get inside his head.

“A hotel service? Wow, that’s a new one, even for them,” Alec shakes his head, letting his tongue run across the bottom of his teeth as he ponders in thought, “but the only person kind enough to do that was Maia. I walked in just wanting a drink, and we somehow ended up chatting about how much we hate Shadowhunters. Didn’t think that’d be a good conversation starter, but here we are,” Alec shrugs, looking over to Magnus and noticing he’s still standing in the same place, “I’m not going to hurt you.” Alec looks rather pained to say that, his voice small.

“That’s hard to believe considering what you did earlier.” Magnus replies, his tone a little sharp.

“I had to take measures so you wouldn’t rat me out. That’s all,” placing his hands in his pockets, Alec looks away from Magnus, and then annoyingly looks back again, “Prince to Prince, I promise.”

Alright. Maybe Magnus _does_ believe him. There's a small, tiny, _tiny_ amount of Magnus that really wants to know everything about Alec. However, getting to know the Clave’s worst enemy and befriending him is bound to go wrong, _terribly_ wrong.

But wait, isn’t that his job that they specifically ordered him to do?

“Mmm.” Magnus rolls his eyes, humming, daring himself to turn away and head towards his drink cart. When he does without a second thought, nothing happens. Alec is still sat on the arm of the chair, simply watching him walk away.

“Did you know Maia was arrested?” Magnus hears Alec mumble, saying yes without proper words, “So you helped her get out?”

Silence. He's sure Alec began to move just then, his feet silent like the shadows. But when Magnus looks over his shoulder, breath held in his lungs –- Alec is still where Magnus saw him last. Releasing the breath he held, he turns back to pour the wine, feeling the burn of Alec’s eyes on his back.

“I guess,” Alec clicks his tongue, but keeps his focus on Magnus, “I made the guys who ratted me out confess they were lying, they were only in it just because their _group leader_ promised some free booze.”

With two glasses of wine full, Magnus holds one in each hand, walking back to Alec and keeping his face neutral.

“And how did you persuade a werewolf?”

That’s the question Alec wanted to avoid altogether, and Magnus can see that by how Alec rears his head back in juvenile annoyance. A test from Magnus to see if Alec really _is_ threatening lives.

As Magnus approaches, Alec moves one hand out of his pocket, reaching towards the glass offered to him. Looking down to his hand, Magnus notices three rings. There’s one on his forefinger, one on his middle finger and the last on his thumb. He hasn’t noticed them before, but the last time he saw Alec, he wasn’t really paying attention to him. Magnus was more focused on trying to get out of that summoning with as little problems as possible, and oh, how well _that_ went. He noticed his broad shoulders and physique, but didn’t know how much until he’s just sitting in that shirt, fabric strained across his chest with the buttons struggling to keep closed.

And it's not just Magnus who admires beauty when he sees it. Alec, during his silence when Magnus walked to the cart, noticed how much Magnus’ shirt hugs his biceps, and the elegant way his legs move with his upper body like he’s born with the grace of a dancer. Alec notices his ear cuff just now, smiling at him as he gently takes the glass, careful not to brush his hand.

When Magnus looks at his face once more, there’s a glimmer on his ear, one earring pierced on Alec’s right ear at the bottom. Standing this close, or close enough for Magnus’ trust level not to be pushed, he can easily see the details he’s missed before. Broken from his trance, Alec equally breaks from his own when Magnus raises his brow, still waiting for an answer to his question.

Looks like the demon is getting lost in the warlock’s eyes, when it _should_ be the other way around.

“Well, I pushed them against a wall and told them to go confess, and if –-”

 _“Don’t_ continue that. I don’t want to hear it.” turning away, Magnus sighs. He’s on the cusp of trusting him, and then a few seconds later he’s back to the demon he truly is.

But it’s not as bad as Magnus thinks it is, because Alec was going to say _‘and if you don’t, I’ll explain to you just how much Shadowhunters hate us and what they’re willing to do to wipe us from existence.’_ It doesn’t take a genius to see the conflict between the two sides, and Alec, for one, isn’t going to sit by and watch people of his own blood suffer under power hungry organisations. Werewolves belong in packs, so if Alec mentions something threatening that familiar way of life, they’ll come running to stop it. That’s how Alec got Maia out.

Swirling the liquid in his glass, Alec watches it leave a small red trail around the inside of the glass before disappearing. He’s been exploring and learning about the world, realising how _shit_ it is and how much people like Magnus are stuck in the middle trying to fix everything. Emotion is and will never be a thing for Alec, but he’s beginning to feel some sort of sadness for him, not that Alec knows what sadness feels like anyway. From what he’s heard, Magnus is constantly called upon to help when he just wants to focus on the wellbeing of his own people, and _not_ the people who threaten his everyday life.

“I want to help you,” Alec used the silence to think, then when he feels the tension about to snap, he speaks up with those words. His tone isn’t bold or sinister, it sounds horrifyingly genuine. Almost like the _real_ Alec is speaking, like if he strips back the demon and years of life in Edom, this would be the sound of him.

The gentle dip of his head, the slight crease of his brow, making sure his words are selected carefully so Magnus can understand him -- Alec  _wants_ him to understand.

Is this the deal he wants? For Alec to help in exchange for something else? It sounds like a one way deal right now, not that he’s complaining, but it does intrigue him that the demon's trying. Of course, demons do this all the time, making deals, but it’s how Alec approaches this one that matters most to him. Magnus looks at him direct, noticing Alec isn’t going to look back until he’s found his next few words.

“Valentine is the guy who wants the sword, am I correct about that?” Magnus nods, Alec swallowing before continuing, “I learned about him when I travelling about. I call myself a demon and yet he seems to do a better job than me,” Alec doesn’t laugh after that, even though it feels like he should in some sort of way. No matter the joke, this is serious, “But what I do know is that he’ll do anything to get that sword. It’s my job to make sure no angel takes it back, that’s why it was given to me. I especially won’t give it to someone who plans to wipe out everyone with demon blood. That… will include people like Maia. She saw past that I was a demon _seeking revenge_ according to my so-called _lore,_ and she offered me a place to stay. That made me feel…”

 _“… human?”_ Magnus finishes the sentence for him when Alec grows silent, debating in his mind the emotions he doesn’t recognise.

When Alec’s lips move, Magnus expects a smirk, but it’s just a small smile.

“Yeah.” he’s staring off into the distance, Alec remembering how Maia _laughed_ with him, even challenging him to see how many shots they could down, balancing spoons on their nose and seeing who was the first one to fail.

That was the first night in a long, _long_ time that he felt like he could just forget, to just smile. Do nights even exist in Edom? The sky is constantly dark or bright for what feels like years down there, always sharing the same red hues. Here, Alec has a sense of time, actually _living_ with it. He’s forgotten how good and weird it feels to smile like this. Demons always have that sinister smile or grin, but it doesn’t reflect the same simple emotion as smiling.

Magnus watches him slowly brush his thumb along the lip of the glass, eyes set to the floor, trying to hide the smile that ever so slightly pushes his cheeks up. This, right here, is proof to Magnus that he’s like any other person, simply confused and stuck in this whirling thought of who he is, _what_ he is.

Demon of Edom, the _Devil's Swordsman._ He’s none of that –- and okay, _maybe_ _some_ parts of him are, but deep down he’s still a man. Just like behind the High Warlock title, Magnus is just a man, too. But Magnus can’t let his guard down. This might be Alec’s plan to get to him, to persuade him not to send him back.

“Anyway,” Alec clears his throat, blinking his eyes for just a moment before continuing, “I know Valentine is going to summon me soon and offer his trade. What I want to do, is to help you and your angelic buddies catch him, to put him behind bars.” Alec keeps his eyes on him as he waits for a reply, taking a sip of wine that has him licking his lips after. Magnus can’t see this plan working, but he still hasn’t explained what the other end of the deal is.

“Continue,” Magnus gestures with a single hand, also taking a sip as Alec takes another, staring at each other through the bottom of their glasses.

Now the demon smirks. Alec is aware Magnus isn’t dumb, and he’s rather impressed at how intelligent he actually is, keeping his mind on task and getting the information he needs. Usually his demonic eyes would have worked their way into his soul by now, but Magnus isn’t having any of it.

“I help you catch Valentine, the Clave gets off your back as well as mine, and you let me stay here in the mundane realm.”

“No way,” Magnus’ answer is immediate, “the Clave still wants the sword and that means they want you.”

“But didn’t they want you to _befriend_ me?” Alec tilts his head, smirking as he stands up, “and yeah, I overheard the conversation.”

“How did you get past my wards anyway?” Placing the glass near his lips, Magnus doesn’t take a sip, merely wanting to feel the cold.

Alec points to the sword, Magnus not daring to turn around as Alec now stands, leaning against the arm of the chair with his thigh, “Climbed up to the balcony, waited for that little simmer of weakness then cut my way through. As long as I kept the sword touching the wards, you would've never noticed.”

Magnus sighs, knowing that even with strengthening his wards and barriers, Alec can still punch through them with the sword. Despite that, Magnus can _still_ kick his ass, which is better than nothing and being completely at the demon’s mercy.

“I don’t think the Clave will leave me alone if I befriend you. They’ll work to exterminate you once they have what they want.”

“And I’ll keep running.”

He’d thought earlier that a life running isn’t worth living, yet here’s Alec, admitting to it. Magnus thought he was starting to understand the guy, but he’s just throwing curve-balls every chance he gets. All part of the demon ploy, he guesses.

“You’d spend your entire immortal existence here, running? _Why?”_ Magnus brings the glass down from his lips, letting it sit beside his chest.

“Anything is better than Edom,” Alec looks down as he admits that, then back to Magnus, lips parting with heavy words on his tongue, “I -- have my reasons.”

Magnus steps forward, trying to get Alec’s face in more detail so he can read those small gestures. He’s hiding something, keeping it close to his heart -- if he even has one.

“Reasons that I should be worried about, I presume,” Alec frowns at that, looking away and forcing his lips together in a tight line, his chest gaining this new pain as Magnus speaks on, “I can’t trust you, Alec. Prince to Prince won’t work when we’re so different. We may be from the same world, but we don’t share the same path.”

Alec stays silent, raking his eyes away from the man in front of him. Just when Alec thought he'd found someone else, someone else to trust him and call him when they needed him, his hopes _shatters._ He could see Maia, but she’s on watch now for a good amount of time. So now, he’s alone, _again._ And Alec can’t place what he feels, he can’t name the emotion that suddenly drowns him.

Gritting his teeth, Alec brushes past Magnus, placing his glass down on the nearest table. He never finished his drink.

“Fine. You won’t see me again.” he walks over to the sword, noticing the tether remains strong around it.  _Shit._

He can’t leave without it. Magnus practically has him trapped and tied at the feet because he can’t walk through the wards without it. There’s a rumble in his chest, a growl almost, demonic blood boiling to the surface, creeping into his vision like melting wax. But Magnus won’t see it, because Alec closes his eyes, forcing a hand to push against his face. If Magnus is going to trust him, he can’t lose control, not anymore. Not again.

The room grows silent, Alec with his back turned to Magnus and staring down at the sword. Magnus is looking directly at him, and he’s been doing that ever since Alec became silent. As a minute goes by, Magnus notices the demon’s hand trembling by his side, the other in his pocket. With that, he can understand something else.

Alec depends on the sword.

However he got his hands on that instrument, it means something to him. He said he’d never give it back to the angels, so what motive does he have exactly? Or is it some kind of mission? And why is he willing to run his entire life just to be free from Edom?

Alec has given Magnus a chance, and he’s willing to trust the man who can give him a one way ticket back to Edom, but _why?_   Alec has come to Magnus for help, everyone does, almost everyone at least -- but this is someone who equally matches him in power, competing against him for the throne of Edom, a throne by the looks of it that neither of them want. But Alec's here, silent, struggling to keep in the anger that’s boiling to the surface. Magnus made a promise to himself, to help the Downworld when people need him, to help them understand who they are, to help them make a positive impact.

If Alec is willing to learn, Magnus is willing to help.

“Alec,” he sees the demon’s shoulders lock, his hand halt its tremble, “I’m willing to work with you if you promise me one thing,”

Alec can do that. He can keep promises, at least, the ones he remembers making.

“Promise me you won’t take any lives to do this,” Alec turns around, not meeting Magnus’ eyes until he finishes the speech he’s currently speaking, “You’re a demon, one that everyone’s hunting, and as soon as the Clave finds out I’m going to let you free, they’ll be coming for me too. Now, saying that, I’m willing to let you free if you disappear. You can go and enjoy your freedom, whatever you want, as long as you don’t let the Shadowhunters find you. That way, I can say I sent you back and we can both live in peace with this war ended.”

Alec can’t help but think of something, that if through all of this, they’ll get closer. Magnus truly doubts he’ll do anything but talk to this guy, let alone allow him in his apartment again. It’s not like he has a choice with the Clave and now the _demon himself_ on his back. But in the end, if Valentine can be stopped, and Magnus can go back to doing what he loves as the High Warlock, then this may be a winning situation, despite the dodgy contract.

It all depends on Alec and if he’s willing to cooperate for however long this mission is going to last. The possibility of the demon becoming bored, swerving the mission to his benefit is as much as an outcome as anything else. He could turn around one day to Alec punching a hole through his chest, or burning his apartment, or to go after the people he loves and cares about.

Just that thought alone makes Magnus cringe, rolling his shoulders to release the tension. The next sip of his wine is much heavier than the last, and when he tips it, through the bottom of his glass, Alec is staring at him. Hazel cut by black lashes, not moving from Magnus’ eyes, locking onto him.

“Deal.”

That’s all Alec says, lifting his head so his eyes aren’t obscured anymore. His human eyes, the eyes that glamour over the red of the demon. Or, is it the other way around?

“You agree to my terms?” Magnus keeps the glass close to his lips, ready to take another sip if Alec needs more time to think.

“I do.”

Magnus reaches his hand out slowly, almost like his body is telling him to take it back at the same time he’s moving forward. A handshake, to seal the contract. Magnus will help Alec get his freedom, and Alec will help Magnus protect his people and give them peace.

Alec looks at Magnus’ hand confused, brow creased, unsure if the gesture is going to be entirely safe. Magnus is going to take his hand back, but Alec just continues to stare, gears turning in his brain. Everything becomes silent in the apartment, including Alec, holding his breath and turning away to go pick up the sword. To be honest, he looks a bit shaken, like something is slowly peeling away his outer shell.

“I’d... rather not do that,” Alec twiddles his fingers, trying to not let his muddled and confusing feelings get the better of him, “Can I have my sword back?”

Magnus clicks his thumb and forefinger together with the hand that’s outstretched, taking note that Alec’s usual flirty and mischievous attitude seems to be completely gone. But for what reason?

The tether disappears, allowing Alec to pick the sword up and slowly sheath it on his back again. The pocket holding the sword has to be magical, since Magnus can’t see it. When Alec turns around, his usual blank expression with the hint of a smirk is back in business. Alec lifts one hand up, then two fingers as a red flame starts to cover them.

A small piece of black paper begins to forge itself from the flames, his smirk growing as Magnus watches the red dance around his fingers, that very paper casually held between his fingers as if he’s smoking a cigarette. Once the flames subside, Alec moves his hand forward, letting Magnus take the piece of paper that gently floats over to him, it being no bigger than his palm.

“My number,” he winks, letting that demonic, mischievous exterior come out to play, “I’ll text you when he’s trying to summon me and we’ll go from there.”

Gently holding the piece of paper, Magnus looks down and turns the paper over.

There's no number.

“Alec, there’s nothing on here.” but when he looks up again, he’s already gone, the mess of when he was once here the only reminder.

 _What has he just agreed too?_ And _Magnus_ was the one to put the deal out there?

Sighing, Magnus is about to throw the paper to the floor when the orange light of his lamp beside him catches the surface of it. Halting his turn, Magnus slowly brings the paper back to the light between his fingers, holding it gently like one sudden move could destroy it forever.

The orange light uncovers a few numbers, but not a whole phone number. Bringing his other hand to the paper, he opens his palm, beckoning his fingers outwards to let red, Edom coloured magic burst from the palm of his hand. That’s when he sees it.

Red light reveals a full number in red ink, and when he turns over the card, a small message has been left behind on the back.

_‘im looking forward to catching some bad guys with you as my trusty sidekick. see you soon, bane. and also, red looks good on you - alec’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go, oh boy! see you next week! thank you for all the support again. <3


	3. Sunlight's Choir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! WARNING - I'm going to put a warning in this chapter for some graphic imagery. I don't think it's too bad but I don't want to risk it. If blood or mentions of blood/extreme pain are a big no no, then don't read this chapter. tags have also been updated
> 
> i have no idea what's happening with this story. I do have a plan but it seems to be loosely following it now and I'm just going with where the writing takes me. i listened to Firewatch's OST while writing the first part to this if you want something to listen too!
> 
> (and i also cant keep to my own upload schedule so have an early chapter?)
> 
> #ODSfic

Soft music plays through Magnus’ headphones. The vocals are calm, speaking a story through careful lyrics that depict exactly what the artist wants to portray. It’s a story about acceptance, about breathing in and taking time for yourself. Every chorus leads into a new chapter of the writer’s life, through school, to the struggle of losing his job, then reuniting with his high school crush. To Magnus, head back against the pillow in his bedroom, it truly feels like he’s listening to an audiobook rather than a song.

Every beat feels like an emotion, every beat feels like another step he takes down life’s path.

The art of putting your passion into something, bleeding those feelings your heart pumps out every second and letting it expand, letting it create something that _truly_ changes you as a person. It's a development of your mind, body and soul. It’s all connected, the soft vocals moving from one word to another, stitching them to the air and pulling Magnus along with him.

Magnus’ eyes are closed, the caress of the sun’s light slowly curving over his face and down the side of neck. Each block of light moves like hands on a harp, gently playing strings of sunlight as they warm parts of Magnus that it touches. A ghostly feeling, like someone’s hand is there, warming him –- but not quite. It always gives him that sense of longing for real hands to be there instead of the sun, to hold his cheek and tell him good morning. To hold his cheek and tell him they find him _beautiful,_ that they’ll tell him even when he’s just woken up, when he hasn’t put on any makeup.

It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the sun, but he wants his own. Magnus wants that burning light, that burning desire someone will have for him, or a passion he truly wants to invest time in. To have his own sun would mean he’ll never be cold during the night, to hold them and let them hold Magnus in return. Nothing can compete a grounding hug, or a soft exchange of lips to let them know they love him, or one that quickly turns passionate, deep and raw to explore each other into the early hours of the morning. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, from lovers in the night to lovers during the day, life is what they make it.

Laying here on his back is pure bliss, ignoring a day otherwise full of clients, Shadowhunters and organising potions. It’s the Magnus Bane the world wants to see, not what they want to know. Here, in his bedroom alone, he can truly breathe and be himself. Magnus loves his job and he truly loves his people, but in this room, he can take a moment to truly enjoy life’s little luxuries. Away from the chaos, away from the wars and the conflict. Here, he can do what he wants to do without the outside world pointing at him, expecting things from him. Ultimately, he’s alone, and no matter how many years he spends by himself, he’ll always miss company by his side.

One arm rests above his head, slowly moving down as the song continues to play, stopping at the empty pillow beside him. He lets his fingers move over the surface, eyes still closed towards the ceiling above him, noticing how the fabric has never been touched before. Not even by Magnus. He always sleeps on the right side, close to his large set of windows so he can be as close to the sun as possible when it awakens. A smile graces his thoughts, as maybe one day, he can sleep on the left, another person blocking the sun’s rays because he doesn’t need that warmth anymore. He would have his own sun to hold and bask in its warmth. Maybe they’d enjoy it with him as he rests his head on their chest, or they rest their head on Magnus’. Opportunities are endless, with only our minds creating that blockade to stop dreamers from dreaming.

Magnus lost hope, unfortunately, his heart broken too many times to count. And when something so fragile shatters continuously, fragments become smaller and _smaller._  Eventually, the fragments are too small to pick up and glue back together, no matter how hard Magnus cries or sits there in silence. His heart has _never healed,_ nor has it been truly _whole._ Only one time did his heart come near to being whole again, but that time merges into a memory that becomes laced with pain, adding to the heartbreak and crushing chances of remembering that smile. That loving smile he misses _so damn much._

Magnus has given his love, but he’s never been _loved._

Some days it would feel right, but others feel fake. It's never meant to be, even if some days he truly does miss them. Those relationships and encounters aren’t in vain, as those have been lessons for him to learn, to take and hold and let him see these ghostly fragments in people that he couldn’t see before. Magnus can read people easily because of this, because so many people have met him over the course of his existence. From cheaters, to passionate lovers that burn out quickly, he’s seen them all, but never a love that keeps burning day to day, a love that is _love itself._ Everything about the word love, to it’s very core, that person who can pull love from their hearts and give it to Magnus for him to hold and cherish. That kind of love, when it’s so cheesy it makes you smile, or a love that makes you laugh after an overwhelmingly bad movie. A love that sees you through your darkest days, to when you are too ill to even stand. A love that will do _anything_ just to make you happy, a love that will protect you from _everything_ that would otherwise make you frown.

Chasing something that hard to find can put a strain on your heart, and for Magnus, it's slowly become a haunting reality. The heart is a muscle, it needs energy and the right building blocks to work, to have a healthy body and to be _alive._ To have that muscle weaken and lose hope in finding a reason to keep going, to keep fighting and chasing a love it could beat for, weakens it day by day.

Time is a fickle thing. For Magnus, it doesn’t exist. Immortality is a gift as much as a curse, almost forbidding him from falling in love with a mortal. He’s been stupid enough to do so before, to feel them age in his arms and see their smile become more and more plagued with wrinkles. Because that’s what it is, age, a plague. From when you’re born to the day you die; your life is planned for you.

But Magnus doesn’t regret the mortals he’s loved. All of them have been memories he cherishes, ones that he holds dear even in the darkest of times.

For someone who’s immortal, life doesn’t have an end. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. There’s no reason to plan your days or schedule your years because you have an unlimited amount at your fingertips. Life shouldn’t be wasted, but Magnus can waste as many years as he wants and make up for it in a few years time. Is it really worth waiting for something like that? A hope he can hold on to? The hope of finding someone that’s just like him?

To find someone who just wants to _breathe?_

Breathing is easy, but breathing for someone else is always harder. It’s a constant pull on your lungs, hoping and aching for that person to love you back as much as you love them.

Opening his eyes as the song begins to come to a closure, Magnus looks at the ceiling and the various bars of light that warp across the surface. The window panes block some of the light, Magnus looking down the lines of black shadow and wondering where they lead to. Each one is like a path, and he finds himself lifting one arm from where he laid it before, pointing a finger that’s relaxed and tracing it across the ceiling like he’s painting the air.

Two incredibly slow days have passed since Magnus last saw Alec. He texted him back the day after he received his number, but he’s received no reply in return. Alec must be taking this whole hunt for Valentine seriously, whereas Magnus is currently resting in bed.

Face empty of makeup, duvet sitting just at the top of his waist, only wearing his boxers. He doesn't need to be anywhere, so Magnus becomes lost, absorbed in the feeling of freshly cleaned sheets over his skin. The fact that Alec could barge in at any moment through his wards doesn’t bother him. Magnus is too relaxed, and he'll probably just ignore him, telling him to come back later or just leave a text.

In fact, he’s set his wards to allow Alec through. If that demon wanted to kill him, he would’ve done so when he had the chance. Then again, Alec could be waiting, lurking and watching his every move and waiting for the right moment to strike, to sink his fangs in and take what he wants.

But he hasn’t. Not yet, anyway.

And even though Magnus hates to admit it, he doesn’t think Alec ever will. From that short exchange and seeing him up close, Magnus can see something there.

It’s almost like Magnus and his dying hope to find love. For Alec, his dying hope is to find somewhere to belong.

He doesn’t want to be in Edom, and he won’t exactly be free here, but it’s the most _free_ he can be. With Edom, he’ll have chains dragging him down, scorching the surface of his body and soul, twisting the fibres of his mind to be the demon Prince he was forged to be.

What amount of suffering did he go through? What pain did he endure to be who he is today? Being born a demon isn’t a choice, and being made one might be, but for Alec it doesn't seem like he had one.

The first time he heard about Alec was the way he fell to Edom. Pushed through the many layers of the earth’s crust by the hands of the angels, making sure his sins burned his flesh alive as Edom began to take hold of him. Once he entered that domain, there was no going back for him, and he held on to one last hope that the angels would give him mercy, reaching his hand out for them to take it. They didn't, watching him fall, Alec's vision blurring as the realms shifted around him, threads changing. Then flames, scorching, torturous flames as the heat of Edom takes hold of his body, claws ripping open his soul, taking _everything,_ leaving nothing of the Alec before.

Erasable. _Expendable._

His wings were snapped by the hands of the angels themselves, and he fell. He fell and _fell_ until he hit the ground. Flames engulfed him, keeping him from standing up, and the fear of what he's becoming doesn't dwindle, something hurdling towards him.

The Soul Sword, rumoured to slam directly into his chest, thrown by the angels from the gates of heaven. His blood became the blackened paint that changed it completely, soaked with the pain of hours upon hours of hell. It pinned him to the floors of Edom, with Alec trying to pull it out of his chest because he can't breathe, but to no avail. All it did was slice his palms, the blood running thick and the tears in his eyes not having the freedom to run. They evaporate in such a heat, already training him that emotions are nothing but a weakness, to remove them entirely from his nature.

He cried, screamed and _begged_ until the flames forged him into the monster he is today. The angels made sure he didn’t leave, as the very instrument that he’s meant to protect prevented him from leaving. It changed him, cursing him to an immortal life where he would reside in hell.

Other warlocks told Magnus of his depiction in books and tales, which is probably how he got his name. In these books, the Swordsman kneels, one hand holding the hilt of the sword as his forehead rests against the blade. The arms of his once proud wings are all that remains from his angelic past, feathers stained black and still burning at the edges. Blackened blood seeps from where his wings sprout, attempts at pulling them out so his past doesn’t haunt him like a mocking of his failure. Scars litter his body, light flickering from them as his powers struggle to stay contained, trying to _scream its_  way out.

Edom is a forge. A forge for living sins, devils, demons -- _nightmares,_ because everything the mundanes fear, Edom creates. Alec has become one of those fears, a nightmare that hunts sins, feeds on them, blood dripping from his lips as he becomes crazy with the lust of it. It’s a horrifying thought, to think Alec smiling before equals a devilish grin now.

Alec is the demon that plunges a literal sword into his enemies, twisting it, watching them cry as the flames that forged the demon burn from his eyes.

It’s hard to believe that Alec, the man who previously smiled at the mention of feeling human, is the creature so many people perceive him to be. A monster. _A demon._ Something to be feared, to _destroy,_ not to be loved or cared for.

Thinking about Alec is slowly becoming an often occurrence. Magnus didn’t even realise until during one of his clients today, zoning out, noticing the jacket Alec disposed two days before in the bin. Maybe there’s something about Alec that he finds in himself. They have similarities, but conflicting personalities, and he interests Magnus _so fucking much_ because of the way he seems to trust him so _easily._

Magnus pushed him against a wall, told him he’d send him back to Edom –- yet all he did was brush off his jacket like some kid threw chalk at him. Is Alec really the man people portray him to be? He is, but rumours change with every whisper, every languid breath morphing the shape. Alec could be a fallen soul trying to redeem himself, or he could be a lock and key, to never let the Soul Sword exist in the mundane world again. If they want to destroy something they don’t want but physically can’t, all they have to do is send it to where no one wants to end up.

Only mad men, people like Valentine would risk going after such an object. An object that now holds so much power, it's forged its own slave to protect it. That’s what the angels want, they want Alec to be that solid wall between the hunters and the sword.

Letting his arm fall back to the bed, Magnus sighs. Figuring Alec out and where he comes from is much easier than trying to figure out who he is now. People change, and with immortal time, he's bound to have changed from the early days of Edom. If their plan does work and he goes free, Alec can enjoy a life of travelling, exploring the world and doing things he might have missed in his life before. A restart, almost.

But how long has Alec been like this? How long was he pinned by that sword? Dying over and over, the flames bringing him back when he wants to give up, and just the thought of that makes something twist in Magnus' gut, to think of the unimaginable pain he went through. People even say he waited years, trying to break free from that sword, never finding the strength even when the forge had turned him into a demon. He didn't have the will to lift his arms, bruised and broken. It was only when the embers coated his skin, burning away the last of any pain, making him numb, that Alec lost control. The demon took over, able to stand and take the sword and use it as his own. Alas, he would be free from the sword, but he would never be free from the weight of it.

Everyone wants that sword, the final instrument to win the war. And now, there’s a blackened heart between them and their victory, a man who fell from the heavens because of a fate unknown to himself. Alec is now the warrior to decide which side wins, the crack in the earth’s crust as he crawls his way out.

He could give the sword away to someone, or destroy them at his feet. There will be people like Magnus to stop him, to prevent a future that witnesses an inferno raining from the sky.

Such images like that play in his mind, weaving through every outcome imaginable, always having the same set of colours and shapes. An image starts to focus for Magnus, and it's Alec, slowly unsheathing the sword from his back, eyes ignited with the very flames that forged him. Shadows cover his face, hiding and removing his already lost humanity, veins underneath his skin glowing a ruby red, pulsing with each beat of his heart. A demon forged to take _revenge,_  not for the angels, but for himself.

They saw it coming like a prophecy, and it makes Magnus _angry._

Angels are meant to be good, the shining light of our days and nights, the bringers of dreams and hope. Shadowhunters are their law enforces, but even they can’t follow their own damn laws. Then there’s the Downworld, the piggy in the middle, so to speak. No one wants to be born a demon, and unfortunately, those of the Downworld are, even if it’s only a small amount.

Sometimes the smallest parts of a person can be their strongest argument. Like most things, it’s what you make it. If Magnus is being honest, he’d say Alec, right now, isn’t the demon he's labelled as. He’s an equal balance, and maybe that's because he isn’t in Edom anymore, where the heat and screams don’t blind his senses. Here, he can breathe, or as far as breathing goes for him with lungs coated in ashes. Alec's demonic side will always be a faithful reminder, but his human side will be his only hope.

Just like any normal mundane does, he hopes. He hopes like Magnus does. He’s hoping he can change.

Alec seeks that change in Magnus.

Chairman bounces up to the bed, prowling over to Magnus’ side and sinking down to sleep by his waist. Soft fur moves ever so slightly from the breeze coming through the window, as well as the shift in the felines body from its own breathing. Magnus moves his hand from the side of the empty pillow to the cat, gently nudging his thumb over his cheek, careful not to disturb the delicate whiskers there. He’s still staring at the ceiling, noticing the subtle changes in light and where it places itself. With the sun falling, Magnus pays very close attention to the colour over the walls of his room. And then he comes to question himself, a moment of subtle weakness.

Why is he lying here, doing absolutely nothing?

His body telling him to take a break might be the answer to that, and frankly it’s one of those days where he doesn’t want to acknowledge the outside world. Of course, if he gets that fateful text from Alec, he’ll be back to High Warlock mode. Makeup on, head high, posture firm. He’d be _Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn_ with just the flick of his wrist.

Not _Magnus._ Not _just_ Magnus.

The High Warlock. Nothing else and nothing more.

 _Just_ Magnus comes with beauty as well as flaws, and everyone has them. For Magnus, it’s his eyes, his warlock mark at least. Magnus is human as well demon, so he can smile and laugh, but he can also cry and desire moments like this. Complete silence, the drum of music in his ears, the gentle call of birds outside.

When he loves someone, he wants them to fall in love with _him,_ the Magnus that can be himself in every sense of the word. Behind closed doors _and_ outside. They’ll love him truly or not at all.

Sometimes he hides the best parts of himself, the parts he wants to be. Sometimes all he wants to do is lay in bed all day, which is fine, or cook a _mean Belgian waffle_  just because he feels like it _._ The _High Warlock Bane_ can’t do that without scrutiny. Behind closed doors, he can be who he wants to be, but when those Shadowhunters or the world come knocking, he closes the doors on what he truly wants, adhering to what people need or want from him.

Portals, potions, advice. Then there’s fighting, meetings, debates and wars. The High Warlock title is more like a safety blanket, making sure that the outside world _never_ touches the Magnus behind it, to corrupt him beyond repair. Being the High Warlock means everything to him, but also having time to himself and his own desires outside of work is important too. 

Sighing, he holds up the hand resting on his stomach, ready to change the song. The brightness of the screen is turned down, but he can still see it clearly despite the sun’s glare. He’s about to press play on another song when a message comes through.

 

**_ALEC:_ **

_[hey]_

 

A simple, one letter word has him holding his breath. Is this is a _work_ hey, or a _how are you doing_ hey? Magnus doesn’t know why he even questions it, since this is simply a business matter and nothing more. Why is Magnus even debating this? Why think about these situations _so much?_

Is it the same for Alec? Does he take a few seconds to think? Does his thumb hover over the keyboard and wonder how on earth they’ve ended up this way? Turning up the brightness that bit more to cancel out the sun’s glare on his screen, he begins to type out a reply, taking longer than usual.

_[Hello.]_

As soon as he presses send, it feels like he's sold his soul to the devil. He already has, technically, because Magnus made a deal with him, to help him find his freedom so the Soul Sword can no longer threaten the Downworld.

What he doesn’t expect, however, is the next text that replies to his hello.

_[do you like coconut milk?]_

His brows crease, not exactly sure where this is going. If Alec is attempting a joke or some sort of flirty exchange he’s meant to fall for, Magnus isn’t following.

_[What?]_

_[im in hawaii. do you like coconut milk? i can bring some back for you]_

Magnus laughs, and he struggles to find out why. Alec is keeping his word about the whole vacation thing after all, since he’s picked one of those typical tourist destinations for sun and sea.

Alec, a demon forged in _Edom,_ is texting him about bringing over _coconut milk_ straight from _Hawaii._ Magnus thinks he’s figured him out one day, then the next it seems like he’s talking to a friend from college, if he’d ever gone. It makes his heart swell just that little bit, to think he’s somewhere surrounded by natural geographic beauty, yet he still has the thought to text Magnus. A darkness kicks him, telling him that Alec only wants to stay on his good side, that he’s doing it so Magnus doesn’t send him back to Edom.

_He’s a demon._

_He wants to trick you._

_Alec wants to control you, make you happy, only to destroy you from the inside._

Keeping the smile on his face and pushing those thoughts away, he replies.

_[That’d be lovely. We can catch up on what we know about Valentine.]_

_[can i come over now?]_

That’s when Magnus realises he’s practically almost naked, lying in bed and texting Alec with this silly smile on his face, almost like a teenager texting their new crush.

Alec is definitely _not_ a crush.

He repeats that _again and again._

_It’s been a week and a few days. Get over yourself, Magnus._

Ever since that night, where Alec gave Magnus his number, he’s started to tread deep waters. Alec is a danger he can see coming, yet he wants to face it head on. For some reason he wants to take that risk, to learn more, to _be_ more. If Alec is a deadly sin, he’d be all of them. A cocktail mixed by hands with claws, the liquid a soothing red that pulls you in and holds you until you’re intoxicated.

_[Actually, give me ten minutes. I’ll text you when you can come over.]_

Magnus pushes himself to a sit, placing his phone to the side with his headphones and getting up. The sunlight stretches over his long body, shadows creeping into the contours of muscles, painting over him like a sculpture carved by gods.

Just as he’s about to walk away, his phone buzzes again, the screen illuminating with the now familiar name. _Alec --_  the name that rolls off his tongue like he’s been saying it for years.

_[does that mean youre naked?]_

Rolling his eyes, Magnus tosses his phone back to the bed, startling Chairman. The cat gives him a look of annoyance, eyes heavy from sleep as the slight flick of his tail occurs. A few seconds more, and the cat lowers his head again, ears flat to the horizon line.

No matter how much he wants to trust Alec, he still won’t fall to his games. In time, he might, but now, Valentine and the war are of utmost importance.

Washing his face and fixing his hair took longer than ten minutes, but he didn’t hear any fumbling inside his apartment to say that Alec had become impatient. Alec is going to respect his wishes, even if his demonic nature tells him to defy rules or demands from anyone else but himself. That, to Magnus, shows how much humanity remains in Alec, and how much there could be to save.

 _Save_ isn’t the word Magnus would use, though. If he’s going to be saved, he shouldn't have to run away from the Clave his entire life. And since after this, he’ll be hiding and running to make sure the Shadowhunters don’t execute him, he'll be free, but not saved _entirely._ However, that isn’t up to Magnus to decide. Ultimately, that decision weighs on Alec. If he’s happy running, the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he fears turning every corner, then fine. Magnus won’t deny someone that, but he doesn’t quite understand it himself.

Slowly lifting his hands up and down, his fingers curving ever so gently in little movements, his outfit appears from gorgeous shifts of blue magic. Black with hints of red and gold. The tips of his hair are now painted golden, a little glitter thrown over for shine, hair falling softly to the side. A subtle, yet warm silk shirt dresses his torso, red in colour and open halfway down the front. It's paired with tight, but not skin-tight trousers. A golden wing connects to his black eyeliner, accentuating his lashes just that bit more.

As much as his and Alec’s partnership is a mystery right now, since for some reason  _business_ doesn't sound right to him, Alec doesn’t need to see the Magnus no one sees other than his cat. Walls raised, posture royal, and he's ready to take on the punches of today.

Walking back to his phone, the notification light is flashing, having received multiple messages Magnus didn’t hear while getting ready. They’re all from Alec, the first few sent one after the other, the latest having a longer time gap between them, if only a minute.

Reading through them, his lips curl, a gradual smile on his face, finding each one more and more amusing than the last.

_[hey dont judge me. its my demonic nature i cant help it]_

_[magnus? hello?]_

_[wow you must be naked to take this long to text back]_

_[help im dying]_

_[not a reply even for that?]_

_[the silent treatment hurts :(]_

_[you dont like faces? okay, noted]_

One comes through while Magnus is holding the phone, pushing all the other messages up the screen.

_[look im sorry. i didnt mean to say that and i promise i wont be a dick again.]_

_[please magnus. i need you to get through this plan]_

Alec doesn’t realise Magnus simply left his phone in the bedroom, yet he’s rushing to apologise for something he didn’t even do. Magnus found the jokes funny, but he didn’t think Alec would’ve reacted like this if he ignored him.

Magnus eyes the speech bubble on Alec’s side pop up. And he waits, _waits and waits,_ but nothing comes through. What did Alec want to say to him, but never sent? Deciding the silent treatment is enough for now, he texts back as quickly as he can before Alec tosses his phone into the Pacific Ocean.

_[You can come over now. Sorry, I was doing something.]_

He finds himself staring at the screen, waiting for the usual speech bubble to pop up. Not knowing if the text he's going to get is normal Alec, or his playful demonic side. Magnus waits as the bubble does eventually come back, and it’s there for a while, then vanishes. When it appears again, it’s only for a short while.

_[shame it wasnt me]_

Why does that --  _hurt?_

In another situation, Magnus probably would’ve laughed at that comment. But for Magnus, seeing Alec go from panicking about losing someone to his usual self, especially after waiting so long for him to text back is worrying. The text between Magnus’ text and Alec’s recent one must have been entirely different to what was sent in the end. It shouldn’t have taken that long for him to type out four words, or maybe he was thinking of a joke. But considering who Alec is, his sarcasm sharp and snappy, he shouldn't need to debate with himself for a good one or two minutes.

Magnus doesn’t dwell on it much longer, simply putting his phone away and walking to the living room. Approaching nightfall, his apartment wakes up with magic, candles illuminating as he walks past, Magnus playing with the cuff on his ear.

Alec’s previous jacket is still in the bin, so he walks over and moves to take it out. He could give it to the Shadowhunters, but he explicitly made a deal with Alec, _not_ the Shadowhunters. It’d be hard to track Alec in the first place, but having an item will make it much easier if Magnus ever needs to find him. Getting past Alec’s tracking block will push his magic to the end of its tether, but if he truly needs to get to him or find him, he’ll have to risk it.

Folding the jacket up, he subconsciously begins to brush the dust from the fabric, wondering how long he’s been with this jacket. Maybe one day Alec will open up about his time in Edom, or how he even came to be what he is. Rumours can be false or reality, no matter how twisted or real they sound from years of passing them on from one person to another. Magnus places the jacket into a drawer in his apothecary, away from sight and glamouring it with a small bit of magic so the visiting Shadowhunters who mercilessly search his apartment every other day won’t stumble across it. He could destroy the jacket, but it’s a key object that links back to Alec if he breaks Magnus’ promise.

On his way back to the living room, he hears shifting from the balcony.

Alec walks in, looking like he came straight out of a holiday commercial. He’s ditched the black shirt and tie for a tank top, sunglasses sitting on his nose. He’s ripped his jeans to make shorts, threads hanging from the ends of the fabric just above his knees. The sword is still there, following behind him closely at his back. As soon as he sees Magnus, his head lifts that small amount, and _smiles._

That’s when Magnus notices the coconuts he’s holding, and his doubt of Alec hides away for the time being. He really shouldn’t, but Magnus smiles, Alec approaching him and offering three coconuts in his hands, giving them to Magnus.

“Fresh from the palms of Hawaii.”

“I see you didn’t lie about going on vacation,” Magnus takes the coconuts, smiling again and watching Alec’s lip twitch. He’s still smiling, and it’s growing, “and thank you for these, I’ll be sure to use them later.”

As Magnus walks to his kitchen, Alec heads towards the table and sits on the edge, feet touching the ground.

“Why would I lie to you?” Alec hums, Magnus hearing him from the kitchen. Since it’s an open apartment, he can look over at him, watching the demon swing his legs ever so slightly. All Magnus does is stare at him, making an expression that matches his sigh. Alec quickly catches on, not needing any more words to understand what that sigh means, “Oh, yeah, the whole demon thing,” Alec hears Magnus cough, and once again, Alec can tell it's entirely fake. Rolling his eyes, he continues, “Okay, _and_ the threatening.”

When Alec looks up to find Magnus, he’s staring at him, slowly raising one brow as Magnus waits for one more.

“What?” Magnus shrugs at Alec's questioning tone, amused by Alec’s confusion as he can’t seem to find one more reason, “I didn’t come here to be bullied.”

Laughing at Alec’s complaint, he finishes putting the coconut’s away for later and heads towards Alec. Seeing him wearing those clothes leaves nothing to the imagination, especially those shoulders and legs. But he promises himself not to wonder today, not to drift down the ever intriguing Alec road and fall deeper and deeper into a hole he can’t drag himself out of. If he falls again, he doesn’t know how much more damage his heart can take, and he very much doubts Alec would ever feel the same if it does come to that.

It’s sad to think that if Alec has been forged to forget emotions as stories say, then he’s never felt love. He wouldn’t know what to do with it if he found it. Suddenly, that places a spark of hope inside him, because if Magnus is struggling to find a love to keep him whole, maybe Alec can learn to love with him.

They’ll learn together.

_They’ll learn to love again._

_Stupid._ A stupid idea. All Alec wants is to be free and here comes Magnus, planning to try something with Alec and see if he really is the emotionless monster people make him out to be. All this thought provoking has Magnus staring at Alec, shifting to different parts of his body as he hovers at the other side of the apartment.

Alec squints, not sure why Magnus seems to be so frozen. Standing up, he leaves one hand on the table and waits for Magnus to snap out of it. But he doesn’t, and Alec slowly begins to move forward, step by step.

“Magnus?” he calls, noticing the way his eyes stop on Alec’s face, something there and reaching out, but not knowing what for, _“Magnus,"_

Finally, Magnus snaps out of it, blinking a few more times than necessary as Alec stands right in front of him.

“Are you alright?” Alec looks from one eye to the other, then down his body like he’s injured. Why did Magnus stare at him like that? What is he _thinking?_

“Quite alright, Alec. I was wondering if you were cold in those clothes.” this damn demon is ruining him already.

Calm and collected, strong and elegant, fierce and commanding. Everything Magnus is respected to be, known to be, it's slowly crumbling around the greater demon. A string of coherent thoughts all say the same thing, not to trust him.

_He’s a demon._

_All he’s doing is tricking you._

_Venom! He’s putting you under his spell!_

_Don’t trust him._

_All he’ll do is turn his back on you._

But deep inside, the part of Magnus that breathes on adrenaline, to take _chances,_ that side wants to _trust_ him. Part of him already does, but the fear of stepping into the unknown is keeping him back, holding him by mental chains that have held him back all these years.

“No,” Alec speaks, looking away from Magnus, “I don’t get cold.”

Alec’s voice becomes the definition of the word cold, looking away and avoiding eye contact. His posture as he walks away is still upright, but Magnus can see his muscles straining at the thought of moving right now.

Comfort shouldn’t hurt, but Alec wouldn’t know.

The fact that he’s always warm but never the pleasant kind is a little disheartening. It’s not grounding comfort or a warm feeling of staying in bed in the morning. It’s more like a fire running through his veins, a constant cry from the heat that forged him, turned him, _ripped_ him apart and placed him back together again. Sometimes people take the heat they have in their homes for granted, but for Alec, it's almost a plague. He’d rather be cold then be reminded of the constant burning of his skin, the way his tears evaporated from the flames that engulfed him.

He wouldn’t be able to feel the warmth of Magnus’ hug even if he wanted to, and that strikes Magnus right in his chest.

Why does he _care?_ He doesn’t need to hug Alec, nor get _friendly_ with him. They’re here for business, to end a war neither of them want to get involved in.

But he can’t help but feel sad for Alec as he walks away, back to sitting on the table and enjoying the silence. Alec has never been cold, and he doesn’t know what it feels like. Some people might say that’s a blessing, but the thought of being alone and seen as a heartless monster, he might as well know the feeling already.

Magnus has to do _something._

Magic starts to bloom in his hands, watching Alec as he slowly lifts his head to watch him. His eyes move from Magnus’ face to his hands when fabric appears -- a black blanket, sewed by hand and crafted with love. Magnus makes sure to leave money and extra from whatever store he summoned it from, walking over to Alec shortly afterwards.

“Go sit down, I’ll order us some food and we can discuss Valentine,” as Magnus finishes what he’s saying, Alec’s brow creases. He’s confused, _“Go on.”_

Gesturing towards the couch, Alec slowly descends from the table, eyeing Magnus warily before doing what he’s been told. Slumping down on the couch, he sighs, wondering why Magnus is going through all this effort just to talk about Valentine. It’s meant to be a quick, five minute discussion then back to searching, that’s all.

So when he feels fabric touch his shoulder and the metal of a ring, he jumps. Alec uses his demonic speed to stand up quicker than Magnus can offer the blanket over his shoulder.

“What are you _doing?!”_ Alec frowns, gritting his teeth to try and calm his panic. He almost touched him, and that's too close.  _Too dangerous._

“Offering you this,” Magnus gestures the blanket towards him, “You may not feel the cold, but a little comfort doesn’t hurt.”

Magnus places it down on the couch, Alec becoming filled with dread as he looks at it. Not deciding to push further, Magnus walks away to order the takeaway, picking his phone out of his pocket to ring them. Alec watches him go, looking back to the blanket shortly after and debating what to do.

Approaching the blanket slowly, Alec reaches his hand out, fingers ever so slowly uncurling from the fist that’s clenched by his side. Alec’s first attempt to touch it is a fail, his fingers snapping back into a fist when the fear of what the fabric will do to him takes over. A second attempt becomes a success, calloused fingertips gently touching the surface of the fabric, the blanket moulded over the back of the couch.

It’s… _soft?_ And it doesn’t want to kill him? Maybe it's a delayed magical spell, and it's simply waiting for the right moment.

His brows crease even more, grabbing the blanket with his hand and pulling it closer. Now holding it with both hands, the length of it falls the floor, causing Alec to step back and hastily lift it higher so it doesn’t get dirty.

Alec is so utterly _confused._ This is what they use for comfort? He’s not seen anyone use a blanket before, but he can certainly see the appeal of it from how the fabric seems to hug his skin while he holds it, moving it through his fingertips. For sure, it’s a new feeling, one he doesn’t quite grasp just yet.

He hears Magnus mumble _I’ll come pick it up_ somewhere in the kitchen, which obviously means his magic. When Magnus walks back in not long after, Alec is still holding the blanket in his hands, slowly moving his thumbs over the surface.

“Is this for me?” he asks, looking at Magnus and then away once he locks eyes with him. Alec doesn't know why, but it feels strange to look at him directly after receiving this, the odd thump of his heart returning to silence.

“I suppose. I have my own somewhere in this mess of an apartment, and I don’t think you have one, so, take it. Wherever you decide to sleep, you’ll have that bit of comfort.” And a little bit of Magnus with him, too. It gives him a little bit of closure, knowing that Alec isn’t truly alone if he owns something Magnus has given him.

Silence fills the room, Alec gripping the blanket a little tighter, like he’s scared to let it go, afraid of it disappearing before he gets the chance to use it.

“Thank you.” he breathes out, bringing it closer. This blanket is the first gift Alec has received in his lifetime.

Alec doesn’t know the word gift even exists, but his heart swells, feeling alive at the thought of someone thinking about him. Magnus was acting like everyone else before, to judge him outright for what he appears to be on the surface, but now he sees him for the Alec behind the demon.

An empty shell.

A shell no one dares attempt to fill with life, or hope.

_Anything._

Constantly pointed at, called names, threats. _That_ is the only thing that Alec holds dear, because it's a least  _something_ –- and Magnus doesn’t want him to believe that, that this is the only thing he can have. But _this,_ this feeling of _something,_ Alec keeps it. After all, it's the first fragment of finding himself inside that shell, Magnus being the one to spark that, the first person to see him for something else.

Alec makes a deal with himself right there, that if anything were to harm Magnus or bring him sadness, Alec will not rest until he's the monster people portray him to be. He’d protect him. Not exactly a guardian angel, but maybe a hellhound, a loyal companion with the speed and bloodthirst to hunt down those who bring harm to the ones he holds close.

He won’t tell Magnus that, but the smile Alec has would’ve given everything away if Magnus had been paying attention. But he isn’t, as he turned away when Alec said his thanks, too torn by the need to smile at him.

This feeling, the need to let Alec _in._

_He can’t._

Magnus can’t let someone in again. But _god_ does he want too. And why does it have to be Alec? Every rule goes against him, so why does his heart start to beat for something he _can’t have?_

Five minutes later, the apartment settles to complete silence, Magnus summoning the takeaway to the coffee table in front of the couch once he gets the call that it’s ready. Alec startles, straightening in his seat.

Alec, during that time, has been staring at the fabric in his hands, fingers moving over the surface like he’s trying to read its story. Magnus watched him from time to time, smiling to himself and inevitably turning away to try and look busy. Knowing he’s jumpy to touch from that incident earlier, Magnus sits on the other end of the couch, picking up a noodle box for himself and some chopsticks. Alec does the same, fumbling with them until he looks over at Magnus.

Magnus catches a red flash -- Alec’s demon eyes. A few seconds later, he holds the chopsticks exactly like he does, and Magnus squints at him. There’s a lingering feeling that pulls on the collar of Magnus’ shirt, drawing him in like lust isn’t a sin. It’s also a feeling of his soul being clawed into, his secrets revealed and plundered. But that’s the demon in Alec reaching out, not Alec himself. All he did was use a small drop of his power to learn the technique from Magnus.

“Are you cheating?”

“No.” Alec mumbles in reply, eating the first clump of noodles, savouring the taste so he doesn’t have to speak back to him so soon.

“I saw you use that demon power,” chuckles Magnus, only winking at Alec when he looks back at him. Alec quickly turns away, focus back to his noodles, “So, what have you been able to find out?”

He takes a moment to finish his bite before speaking up.

“I know he’s fucking clever, and that grinds my gears. His goons on the other hand, not so much. They don’t act discreet or try and hide the fact that they have those big ugly circle tattoos on their neck. I’m surprised that for an evil organisation that thrives on not knowing where to find the leader, they have followers that wear a big red beacon on them,” Alec slurps another noodle and continues, “They were in Hawaii collecting something, which is why I was there –- and _also_ for a bit of sun and sea.”

Well, Alec _is_ nicely tanned now. Magnus definitely noticed.

“The Shadowhunters haven’t been giving me much. I didn’t exactly agree to the Clave’s plan of trying to befriend you,” Alec gives him a look over the pot of his food, “and wipe that shitty grin of your face, I have –- just not _told_ them. They don’t need to know, and if I did agree vocally, they wouldn't leave me alone.”

Alec nods, pulling both legs up and crossing them so he can place the pot between his legs. “So they’ve given you nothing?”

“No,” Magnus sighs, noticing how Alec seems to be making himself comfortable, “All they told me, is that he’s _taking his time_ about something. They track him, but then he moves to another location and they can’t predict when and where he’ll end up.”

When Magnus gives his attention back to Alec, Alec quickly looks away again. The demon has been staring at the way Magnus' rings glimmer on his hand, and how his fingers hold the chopsticks so polished. But the more Magnus learns his little behaviour quirks, the more Magnus sees beyond his facade -- and Magnus learns _quickly._

Alec is looking down for more than one reason. His hand clenches around the chopsticks, like he’s trying to stop the shake forming in his fingers. Magnus doesn’t say anything. He just waits.

“He’s planning something big. Valentine knows what he’s doing, and I can’t help but feel he’s going to be able to take the sword from me --“

“No,” Magnus interrupts, his voice sharp and slicing through the air faster than Alec can finish his sentence, “You _won’t_ let him.”

“But what if I don’t have a choice? What if he knows something I don’t?” Alec clenches his teeth, pushing his chopsticks into the noodles and thoroughly destroying his appetite, “What if he’s found a -- just --  _I don’t know --”_

“Weakness?”

Alec, after so many years in Edom, having the power and will to rule over everything and anything, is finally coming to terms with the fact that he could _die_ here. He may be immortal, but he can still be slain.

If Valentine has found a way, then his freedom is going to be achingly short lived, and the Downworlders will perish. All because of Alec, because no matter how much pain and suffering he’s gone through to become a greater demon, he won’t be able to save them.

Not only would he fail himself, but he'd fail Magnus. And as soon as that thought hits him, he feels sick, like someone plunged the sword back in, _twisting_ slowly. He hates feeling this way, he hates feeling _scared._ Alec doesn't even know that he feels scared, because he doesn't  _understand_ _it._

They say he doesn’t feel emotion, but it’s emotions he _wants_ to feel, what he felt before Edom. But then again, the past is blank, like it never existed in the first place.

It’s a false hope. _A dream._

“Alec,” blinded by rage and fear, he doesn’t notice a greater fear creeping up on him, “Alec?”

When Alec opens his eyes, the odd sensation of something spreads through his hand that’s clenching the chopsticks. It feels alien. Like it isn’t real.

Alec focuses on his own hand, noticing more rings, soft skin and the outlines of a red shirt. A thumb moves over the back of his hand, each movement sending little pulses of a heartbeat through his body. Tension releases from his chest, letting him breathe for what feels like the first time in years.

Until fear strikes him like a punch, bubbling to the surface and pulling his hand back.

Alec’s eyes snap wide, looking to Magnus like he’s about to lose him. To see that fear, something a demon inflict on others on Alec’s face -- it’s _haunting._

Magnus begins to feel a little hurt, but he smiles, braving through his own pain like he always does. He understands that sometimes people don’t want touch, nor do they need comforting. But Alec, he looks like he’s about to _cry_ in front of him. There’s a story floating somewhere in Alec’s head, and Magnus can’t help him unless he talks about it, to let Magnus in.

Whatever thoughts are telling Magnus to stop, that this is all a trick, he commands them to _go straight back to hell._

This isn’t a demon. This is a man suffering, _struggling_ to find himself in a world he used to know, to try and find what he’s lost.

“You didn’t… ” Alec searches up and down Magnus’ frame, trying to find answers he can’t seem to find.

“I didn’t what?”

“You didn’t _die._ There –- there were no flames,” his breathing becomes erratic, fear clinging and pinching his skin like sharp nails, “I didn’t burn you alive.”

Magnus sees Alec physically gulp, the shake in his hands dying down. Does Alec fear touching him because of that? Is that why he never let the Shadowhunter touch him the day of his summoning? Or the fact he jumped away when he felt Magnus’ rings on his shoulder?

Alec fears touching someone else skin to skin, because when he does, they’ll become engulfed in flames. He has no idea why he’s been cursed this way, maybe it being all part of a plan to keep him controlled.

_You can’t have anyone, Alec._

_You’ll be alone._

_You will only have the Soul Sword._

_Nothing else._

So when Magnus reaches out, his hand coming closer and closer to Alec’s face, the thoughts that play in Alec’s mind, repeating every second in his dark days –- _shatter._

Magnus is going to play a new song in his head, a new choir of thoughts that teach him to be Alec. Nothing more, nothing less. Magnus will be the backing track, the beat to fuel Alec’s voice to fight for what he wants.

He’s going to help him learn what he’s lost and gain it back -- to let Alec become _Alec_ again. One song at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no explanation for this chapter to be honest. some songs really get to me and I guess it's changing the outcome of this story.
> 
> pain is coming
> 
> i'm sorry


	4. Temptation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy update day! thank you for all the support! all your messages on twitter and the comments here are all so lovely, it means so so so so much. 
> 
> Now I apologise, because things might get a little tough for the boys now :')  
> [this chapter and future chapters are undergoing cleanup, sorry for any mistakes in advance!]
> 
> #ODSfic

~~~~Touch is something Alec thought he would never have. He thought he’d have to live his immortal life imagining what it would be like to hold someone, to completely fall into someone and trust them to catch him. Having a constant voice in the back of his head telling him he would be alone, day in and day out, it's crushing. Even if the demonic side of him becomes a ruling factor, that small outer shell has enough humanity left to mourn for a physical thing he can never have.

Because if he did, they would feel the same flames that burned him, over and over until Edom claims another soul. The first time Alec stepped on Earth from the realm of Edom, and the only time before Magnus, he found that out the hard way.

Seeing the life drain out, the colours bleeding away from the shards of someone’s eyes -- it's _horrifying._ Alec has to live with that, his own fire laughing back at him, mocking him as he can do nothing but watch helplessly. From then on, he swore to never attempt to try and interact with anyone again.

But how time changes. And it changes _fast._

Life forced Alec to come back here, to a land that intrigues him just as much as it terrifies him. It’s different here, varying cultures and traditions, something Alec has never seen before, each destination he travels being somewhere entirely new and overwhelming. Alec can explore at his will now, not like before when he happened to stumble here, but he has to do so alone. Shadowhunters have multiple bases around the world, so once he catches eye of those black markings against skin, he vanishes. Sometimes he decides to involve himself with the mundanes, but only on rare occasions where Alec wants to order a drink or simply greet someone. Of course, glamouring his sword is a must, he can’t take that risk.

Alec encountered a few people who asked him for quick bit of _fun_ down an alleyway or at their apartment. He has to turn them down, not because he doesn’t want to, but because he can’t physically touch a mundane without Edom’s embers seeping from his bones uncontrollably, taking what they need to feed.

Frankly, he’s become accustomed to the reality of not being able to touch, because if he can’t touch, he can’t feel anything for a person. He’s aware no one will love him, and ever since that sword was pulled from his chest by his own bleeding hands, Alec cursed himself to believe that.

He’s a demon. A lust hunting, pride hungry, _bloodthirsty demon._

Who will ever love him when rumours prevent anyone from wanting to see him? His image drenched in blood, hatred stamped on his skin, terrified to even show his face to Magnus in fear the only person who has a chance to trust him won’t.

That doesn’t mean he can’t dream about it as he notices a couple kissing.

What would it be like to kiss someone? What would it be like to hold someone? To _be_ with someone?

Alec keeps kicking himself, as hoping only makes it worse. Hunger simmers inside of him, patiently waiting for the day he can just touch, to _feel,_ to hold someone, to shake their hand or hug them. Just –-  _something._

In comes Magnus Bane, a warlock who wanted to send him back as soon as he summoned him. But then Alec saw him as he turned around, and they both see something shimmer behind their eyes. Opposing sides from the same world, following different paths and goals.

Magnus’ cat eyes are golden, a shimmering beacon to show that beauty can reside in darkness. Then Alec, whose real eyes are constantly shifting between red hues, his pupils dark, black and haunting. Getting up close is the only way to reveal the story that hides behind each shard, a story only lovers can see and understand.

After a kiss, dangling on the edge of bliss and opening your eyes to the person in front of you, only then can you see every fragment, every shard and every emotion in that person’s eyes. Their past, present and future reflecting back at you, and if you don’t feel truly enraptured or understand the threads, then that person’s story isn’t for you.

Alec has never seen Magnus’ real eyes, but Magnus has seen glimpses of the red behind Alec’s. That small taster is enough to send him crazy, the power and lure of the demon inside trying to hang on and pull him under. Magnus is strong, both of them are, but it’s going to take a lot of effort to resist Alec’s demonic nature and lure when they’re becoming increasingly closer.

Just like they are now.

His vow to protect Downworlders now includes Alec, meaning he’s going to help Alec overcome whatever fear resides in his bones. From heartache to injury, Magnus will help him. Demon aside, Alec is a human just as much as Magnus, wanting that person he can turn to when things get hard. Humans are social creatures and they need to be, otherwise they wouldn’t have survived as long as they have. For Alec and Magnus’ situation, Downworlders are hated, needing every member of their side to band together and survive. The Shadowhunters always put themselves first, no doubt, so the Downworlders only have themselves and nothing else to rely on.

Greater demons are split from that category, and rightfully so. Alec is completely and utterly on his own -- but not anymore, not if Magnus can help it.

Shadowhunters kill demons, and Magnus and Alec are at the very top of the list. Magnus is protected by laws, as well as his status and magic, something that the Shadowhunters fear. Alec doesn’t have that luxury, if one can call it that. Since he’s in possession of the Soul Sword, a rumoured fallen and exiled Shadowhunter to boot, he gets an automatic target on his back. If Magnus lets slip he’s a Prince of Edom, he may be treated the same as Alec. He wouldn’t put it past them to try and rid the world of anything from that hellish realm, even a Warlock who has provided years of service to them, along with loyalty. Even if Magnus hates them and despises them at times, he knows how important they are to keep the balance of all creatures who inhabit the shadows.

But when a target lands on someone he cares about, someone he can see a potential change in, mundane or creature, no matter how strongly they can defend themselves -– Magnus wants nothing more than to protect them. Right now, Alec is looking back at him with a lost sense of hope that if he touches him, everything will change.

Magnus is beautiful, driven, powerful. _Everything_ inside of Alec yearns to have him, from stealing his power to uncovering every dark secret he holds. Being created to feed off that craving works in Edom, but here, when his head becomes clear of smoke and fire, he can see what he _really_ wants. His human side, the part of Alec that shows itself right now -- it’s _scared._ Alec doesn’t know what this comfort means, these gifts, this little hospitality Magnus offers away from the storm outside. He doesn’t know that these gentle changes in life curve and constrict his demonic urges, turning them into ones he can control.

Magnus is the real test, the thin line between control and insanity. Every time Alec comes into contact with the warlock, he finds his mouth going dry with the urge to kiss _every_ inch of skin he can find long into the late hours of the night. The urges that haunt him the most are caused by isolation, years gone without engaging in anything physical. But even then, he can’t recall a memory of doing anything with _anyone._ His demonic side has never been fed, sated, fulfilled by whatever his demonic side hunts for. Alec can’t touch anyone, and he doesn’t want anything to do with the other demons in Edom, so he ignores the hunger, not even registering that raw need to just have pleasure. In fact, his entire frame of mind removed that from his code, pushing the forefront of tasks fuelled by his demonic blood to the surface, controlling his movement and thoughts.

A sliver of humanity, the strength Alec clings to -- _that_ is the only thing keeping the darkness from ruling him completely.

People can make cars with machines, new technologies that help mundanes thrive and technologically advance their future. They have no idea of the machine beneath their feet, embers that could melt their cities, embers that can melt their strongest metals to liquid. A forge that the angels fear, a forge they don’t want to admit is real, a forge that could bring an end.

Alec is a breathing element of that machine, a successful project the angels collaborated on.

But _why?_

Is Alec just another chest piece in their never ending game to win? A balancing act? A break from heavenly duties to give them a bit of entertainment at the mercy of the people involved? No matter if that’s true or not, Alec’s going to make his own moves in this game of chess, driving his life down new roads one turn at a time.

Magnus is going to be there with him, helping him deceive his opponents, teaching him the rules of the game and how to bend them to his will. Alec won’t be Edom’s little soldier anymore, nor is he going to be scared of Valentine or the Clave. If he’s been given this power, the name of a monster, then he’ll live up to it. He’ll show how powerful he really is, how he can warp this power to his will for the better of everyone, not just himself.

Alec is mentally turning around, slowly looking at his enemies dead in the eye, the target on his back moving. Soon enough, the target will project from Alec’s eyes towards his enemies, one by one showing them he isn’t afraid to send the same fear back.

All that confidence from his thoughts begins to wither, sinking down into his muscles and remaining there like a spring ready to launch. Alec shouldn’t become his enemies, and ruling with fear and power is exactly what they want.

That’s when everything begins to make sense, piecing together slowly.

He has Magnus.

Alec isn’t alone in his plans anymore, nor is he alone in a demonic sense. Magnus is a Prince too, meaning he understands him more than anyone, he understands what he’s going through. They come from different sides of the flames, but they have power gifted from the same place. Then there’s Alec, a greater demon, his impulses being much more animalistic unless he controls them. Magnus on the other hand, is in full control of that demonic side, and he’s been that way for generations. Magnus wields enough power to equally match him, even when that power is relentless, uncontrolled, fangs ready to sink in and _take, take,_ _take._

Everything he struggled with before, Magnus can help, teaching Alec to fight those urges and warp them into something he can use. There’s no standing in the middle waiting for something to happen anymore, especially with Magnus right here to help him take a step forward. Each minute he spends with Magnus is another minute where he feels those theoretical chains loosen around his limbs. Sometimes, Magnus feels those chains on his own body too, a haunting past and current fears that manifest as physical weight. The further he falls into Magnus’ arms, the more the embers of Edom seem a little less frightening, a little less controlling. Magnus learned to break his chains from Edom before, to live without them, to conquer that weight for his own benefit -- so why can’t Alec?

They’re two very different people, so it's going to be harder for Alec to learn like Magnus did, but he’s _sure as hell_ going to give it a try. Magnus said he’s willing to help him as long as he doesn’t take a life in the process, and Alec won’t let that chance slide. Alec will take hold of it with his own two hands, he’ll hold it so close it'll physically become part of him. The warlock is going to be with Alec for as long as he can hold on, even if he doesn’t know that himself yet.

But what his body feels, bubbling with flames, seething with an uncontrollable desire to sin, this isn’t what he wants. Alec’s own flames can’t melt the chains, but Magnus can. Just like Alec will help Magnus free the chains around his heart, to let it finally be free and beat for someone.

If only that was true, not some made up tale in their heads.

Subconscious thoughts are a nightmare, created by desire and passion that they haven’t had the chance to feel for as long as their memory allows. Magnus is a man of his word, confident. If he’s interested in Alec, he _will_ fight for it, but the consequences they could both face are dire. If they even try to find a love inside one another, the world will surely turn on them, cursing them for having such an emotion running through such evil blood.

People are dying. Valentine is searching, _hunting,_ gathering power for whatever plan he begins to conjure. It involves Alec, no doubt, and that scares both of them. Alec is powerful, but there’s this thought that weighs Alec down, a mental hand that holds itself around his neck.

_Don’t fail the flames --_

_Don’t fail what created you._

If he fails, he’ll perish. There's no second chances, and his life will become a mockery, forever pinned to the floors of Edom. With or without the Soul Sword in his possession, Alec would be cursed to lay there for as long as the dimension exists. Magnus wouldn’t be able to save him, no matter how hard he tries.

The contrast between that and what he’s doing now is laughable.

Alec sits cross legged, mashed noodles forgotten in a pot between his legs as he stares. Magnus is coming closer, arm outstretched, hand softly opening outwards from its closed position. All the rings covering his fingers become more and more focused as his hand moves closer, intricate patterns and carvings decorating silver and gold, some even mixed with jewels.

The jewellery exudes the same elegance Magnus does, completing his look and becoming what people expect of him, the Magnus the world wants to see. He makes every style his own, wearing what he does with a finesse only he can posses. Nothing and no one can shut him down from thinking that, as the confidence he shows is one that has taken generations to create. Sometimes clothing and makeup become his defence, to not let the sinking emotions and sadness rip him from the outside. It rarely happens, since he’ll usually stay in his apartment and drink away his feelings, avoiding Catarina or Ragnor to save himself from their pep talks.

Can Alec be that new person to talk to?

When Alec looks at Magnus, all he can see is a face of experience, a face of godly beauty and underlying fear. He can tell from how creased his brows are, looking from one of Magnus’ eyes to the other. Alec is searching for something, or he’s waiting for what he fears the most. Maybe the flames didn’t react quickly enough to consume Magnus, or they just don’t want to at all.

Alec doesn’t want to believe that he’s taken control of the embers, not yet. It’s way too early. He won’t let the demon inside trick him, to laugh at him once Magnus is gone.

Even that thought, so fresh and unusual to think about. Magnus -- _gone._ It feels like his ribs fold inwards, piercing his lungs and crushing his soul at the thought of living without the man in front of him. They’ve known each other for a small fragment of their lifetime, yet Magnus trusts him, and Alec trusts him back.

It’s been seconds, literally _seconds_ of their lifetime that they’ve even seen each other in the flesh, yet something pulls them closer.

Fate is a bully, but it seems this time it has a better plan, for the both of them.

What Alec never expects, is Magnus to continue moving forward, bumping his knee to his and dropping his gaze to his lips for a moment. Alec feels his lips part, releasing a breath he doesn’t realise he’s holding until his lungs start to ache. Alec’s heart is beating so fast that he physically feels alive, that there’s enough blood pumping through him to feel human again.

Magnus connects his hand to Alec’s cheek, almost like a feather because he’s so cautious. The touch is light, testing the waters, or in this case -- the flames. Alec doesn’t feel his body try to summon them, nor does he want too.

Someone is _touching_ him, _fragile,_ like if Magnus presses any harder, Alec’s body will shatter. Magnus is treating Alec like he’s something special, yet he’s a demon who has the power and strength to move mountains. It _confuses_ him, but Alec won’t be a stranger to learning these new emotions.

Alec notes that Magnus’ fingertips are smooth, not calloused like his own. And _god,_ the warmth that pulses from where his hand is, so relaxing, so grounding. An unfamiliar feeling floods him, a feeling that loosens the knots in his body and soul, shoulders shrinking as they relax. Alec soon finds himself closing his eyes, giving in to that feeling.

When Alec can’t see anything but darkness, Alec breathes, _truly_ breathes. His lungs for the first time in his life feel like air instead of rocks in his chest, constantly dragging him down from the orders his flames beckon. His fist no longer clenches from fear, and the chopsticks now sit alone in the pot, hand falling to the side of his leg. Whatever Alec imagined touch to feel like, he never imagined _this._

He can’t see light, but he feels it. Magnus is now holding his head as Alec ever so slowly lets go of consciousness, giving in to what he wants, letting Magnus lead him, to show him what he’s been missing out on all these years.

Magnus’ hands are a beacon of power and control, yet right now they’re a beacon of safety. He’s only touching one side of Alec’s face, yet his whole body feels completely safe, like he’s slowly opening his chest to let Magnus in. For the first time in his life, he feels like he can finally trust someone, and Alec can’t even trust himself. How can he when Edom constantly calls him, trying to twist his mind to follow desires and sins instead of fighting for what _Alec_ wants?

Watching this scene unfold, Magnus feels how his hand perfectly fits the curve of his jaw like his palm was made to be there. He can feel the edge of the demon’s jaw move when he swallows, the gentle movement of his skin as he breathes. Magnus’ forefinger brushes through the hair in front of Alec’s ear, and his other fingers tickle just behind it. What Alec falls to slumber from the most, is Magnus’ thumb sitting on the top of his cheek. It gently moves, mapping over the surface of the demon’s skin, watching as Alec’s brows crease, his brain trying to fumble around with what these feelings mean. A mixing bowl of emotions, that’s what Alec calls it. There are questions, answers, feelings, desires and wishes all being thrown into a bowl and stirred, unable to grab hold of them as they slip through his fingers. He doesn’t understand any of this, but what he does understand, is that Magnus isn’t doing this for himself.

He’s doing it for Alec.

Letting Alec find his own ground is important for letting Alec find himself, that _grip_ of reality he never had since he was summoned here. It’s going to be a constant journey for him, to find out how to live again.

And this is the first step, allowing Alec to _feel._

Magnus is unsure how Alec would react to such a gesture, but to see him go limp and slowly move his head into his hand, _that_ is something he never expected at all. He had hope, of course, but he never imagined it happening this way.

When Alec releases that heavy exhale he holds, angling his head more towards his hand, Magnus can feel that Alec has finally given in. He’s letting himself feel something, even if he doesn’t understand it just yet, even if he’s afraid of it.  

His skin becomes increasingly warm, the softness of Alec’s face a surprise to him, expecting roughness from his years in Edom. It might be a glamour, but the way his eyelashes rest on top of his cheeks is nothing short of natural beauty. A monster, or perceived to be, practically becomes hypnotised by a simple touch, remembering it like it’s the last one he’ll ever get the chance of feeling. Or the only one he ever wants to feel, because there won’t be anyone to trust him as much as Magnus does now.

Magnus watches his facial expression, ever so slowly smiling himself as the crease of Alec’s brow begins to straighten out. Alec seems more relaxed, deciding not to try and understand whatever this is now and save it for another time. Opening his eyes, they’re immediately looking at Magnus, no matter how slow they open.

It’s not close enough to see the details in Alec’s eyes, but the hazel stands out so much more than before. To Magnus, it feels like he’s staring into an endless pit, unsure and lost. There’s definitely more colour than before, and the more he concentrates, the more Magnus begins to witness the small flicker of red appearing around his iris’.

Once the circle of red completes, he feels the heat of Alec increase dramatically, almost like he’s about to set himself alight. But he doesn’t, he’s controlling it.

Alec moves his hand up, taking hold of Magnus’ wrist and moving his hand slowly from his face. It’s slow because he doesn’t want to let go of this feeling just yet, but he must, the demonic side of Alec starting to awaken as soon as he begins to relax and lose himself. Lust is beginning to sing its way through his veins, eyes and head pulsing with the need to jump twenty steps ahead even before a first date. Alec can’t do that to Magnus, as much as he’s greedy to keep that feeling and push for more, he doesn’t want to break any friendship they’re starting to build.

Because as much as Alec hates to admit his growing admiration for Magnus –- _actually,_ scratch that -- he’s already captivated by him, wanting to find out every little thing about him. Alec wants to smile with him, to flirt and laugh with Magnus, and most of all, he wants to become friends with him. Alec very much doubts that possibility, a question for the future perhaps, since they’re two opposites and focused on a business deal. Alec doesn’t want to take Magnus’ already established and comfortable life away from him, since he’s already stealing his free time and putting his reputation in jeopardy.

Capture Valentine.

Leave Magnus.

Be free in the smallest sense of that word.

Why is it so _hard_ to think that though?

Magnus doesn’t seem bothered when Alec removes his hand, because he smiles, cheeks lifting and giving his eyes little crinkles. Alec’s heart flutters seeing that, the brown of Magnus’ eyes filled with so much love and care for the man in front of him that Alec can’t help but smile back. It feels so weird that they’re doing _this_ \-- like they’re not enemies or two business partners in the middle of a deal.

Princes of Edom from different sides of the flame. A High Warlock and a Greater Demon. Eating noodles and smiling at each other.

If anyone else sees them this way, they'd probably double check what’s in their beer, considering Alec is the most wanted demon right now. They aren’t meant to be together, yet here they are, laughing and smiling under the Clave’s very nose.

Alec parts his lips, smile still present as it curves his face. His demonic side begins to calm down, and he’s about to speak a joke when footsteps begin to appear outside Magnus’ apartment.

His brows crease, the sudden jump of his body startling Magnus, since he doesn’t hear anything until he hears the knock on his door. Damn Shadowhunters.

They don’t even give him time to answer the door, because as soon as they knock, they’re making their way inside. Magnus rises up from his seat quickly, looking over to the door as Isabelle walks through. Even the more mature of them can’t seem to fathom manners, because if the situation he's needed for is this urgent, a fire message is much quicker.

Magnus can’t turn around to check Alec’s gone, because that would make the extra order of takeaway seem a little suspicious if he’s searching for a missing guest. Isabelle seems to confirm his thought of Alec leaving or glamoured somewhere in the room, as she only lays her eyes on the warlock.

“Hey!” she starts, walking over, placing her hands into her leather jacket pockets, “Sorry to disturb you so late, but the Institute wants me to bring you back and discuss some information we found.”

There goes his peaceful night with Alec. He highly doubts the demon will wait for him to come back to talk about things, considering he’s trying to explore the world as much as he can before Valentine’s inevitable summon. As confident as Magnus is that Alec will come out alive, there’s no knowing what that fucking psychopath intends to do.

And Magnus can’t help himself if he wants to risk more than he should for a greater demon. As much as he cares, as much as he promised to protect Alec -– there _has to be a limit._ Will Alec even allow Magnus to go with him? Or will he simply ask to wait for him?

“Magnus?”

He focuses back on Isabelle from where he’s been previously staring at the floor in thought.

“Hmm?”

“You alright there? You seem a bit off lately,” she takes one hand out of her pocket along with her phone, not looking at it just yet, “Is there something on your mind?”

Yes, there is. A tall, handsome demon who has him wrapped around his finger.

“Worried about the outcome to all of this, that’s all.” Magnus forces a smile, walking to grab his coat from the rack beside his apartment’s double doors.

“Don’t worry, friend, you’ll see nothing but smiles once this is all over.” Isabelle starts to walk towards the door, not really taking notice of the abandoned takeaway.

Magnus turns back just as he’s about to leave, adjusting the black trench coat over his shoulders. Alec’s gone, since he can’t feel his aura anywhere, which means he’s either jumped from the balcony to another building, or teleported out. Either way, he’s gone.

He has no idea how he’s going to talk to Alec without remembering what just happened. Especially when it starts to spark a brighter hope for what he’s wanted for so long. It’s crazy, stupid and overwhelmingly humorous to even believe it _would_ happen.

But it might, and that right there is enough to hope, to grab hold and make something from it. A start, at least.

 

_\- - - - -_

As usual, the Clave meeting is beyond boring, consisting mostly of the Shadowhunters throwing blind guesses. The insults given towards Alec make Magnus boil at the accusations, going off rumours and false information. At one point, one of them said he’s working with Valentine, which had Magnus laughing. Not exactly a good idea when none of the people in the room laugh with him, _especially_ when the Clave official looks his way. A few questions and dodgy jokes later, Magnus dodges the bullet.

Magnus finds himself explaining that Valentine is out to take the Soul Sword, which is the _main_ possession of the Swordsman, meaning it’s not an easy task to just trade it. Besides, what does Valentine have that Alec would need? Magnus can’t think of anything besides giving him a headache and a few eyerolls from his annoying, supposedly life changing ideals. Frankly, Magnus would rather listen to these Shadowhunters for hours than hear Valentine’s voice blabber on and on about _purifying the world of demon scum._ Well, Valentine should involve himself, because to Magnus he’s a greater demonic scum than Alec.

Information begins to piece together, the Shadowhunters picking up the slack and actually focusing on finding their enemy instead of Alec. Magnus told them finding Alec is going to be a wild goose chase, and so is Valentine, but they have a greater chance at capturing Valentine than they will a greater demon. Alec’s not doing any harm, whereas Valentine is, so prioritise the most dangerous target first before moving on to the next.

Of course, they don’t listen to him, but he’s happy they aren’t focusing so much on Alec anymore. The demon’s face is still pinned to the main mission boards and information scattered around him, lines darting out in white marker on transparent glass that tries to link him to certain pieces of evidence. Some of it wrong, some just wild guesses, and Magnus knows how close they’re getting. Conclusion being not very close. He can’t deny it, it’s amusing, sometimes very, trying his best to keep a straight face when another Shadowhunter comes up with this brilliant new idea. It feels like he knows some dirty high school secrets, or he’s having an affair with the enemy.

 _Shit._ Magnus _could_ have an affair with the enemy.

Would he?

Damn, he would.

There’s no denying Alec's handsome, however, that doesn’t mean there’s time to think about that. At the end of the day, he’s an attractive greater demon who’s being hunted by every Shadowhunter in the world right now. Magnus needs to focus, keeping that dirty secret exactly that for as long as he can.

Focusing back on the table in front of him, the alpha from the New York pack speaks up to input his findings.

“We’re getting a lot of cases of bodies being drained of blood,” he gestures to the table, lifting a hologram that shows what type of people Valentine’s men are hunting, “either being possessed before or demonic completely.”

“He’s collecting demon blood?” Jace speaks up now, unfolding his arms to lean onto the table, the blue of the hologram floating upwards and illuminating the Shadowhunters in a rather angelic light.

“Raphael already confirmed it isn’t his clan or any rogue vampires, so we can only assume it’s Valentine. Why would the night crawlers want demonic blood anyway?”

“You’d be surprised,” Luke snorts, shaking his head and folding his arms. The leather straps to hold his guns strain as he crosses his arms, his biceps bulging in that blue shirt, “but whatever they need the blood for, I’m guessing it’s to get one particular demons attention.”

“The Swordsman,” Magnus concludes, standing up, thumb and forefinger together, trench coat following him like a cape, “He’s getting blood to mock him, or anger him. What happens if they threaten your own kind?”

“You go to defend them.”

“Exactly. We just need to know where he’s going to strike next and we can see where he’s taking it,” they all look at Magnus like he’s crazy, except Luke. He’s known him for long enough to know that Magnus doesn’t believe the word impossible exists, “What? Moping about not finding him isn’t going to magically help you find him. Stop sticking your noses in data and actually hunt.”

Sighing, Magnus turns around to move back to his seat. This meeting isn’t over and he doesn’t want to admit that to himself just yet. Magnus has his eyes closed, but he knows Jace is glaring at him.

“That’s your job, isn’t it?” He opens his eyes slowly to stare at them, not directing his voice at Luke in any way, “Shadowhunters. It’s in the name. You _hunt shadows,_ Valentine is practically a shadow. It’s the perfect recipe for a very toxic and unappealing cake.”

Jace rolls his eyes, letting his head drop between his shoulders, “I’m never inviting this warlock again.”

 _“This_ _warlock_ is sometimes your only chance, so you better keep yourself in the good books of _this warlock_ if you want any chance at tracking and capturing Valentine.” Luke barks, eyes flashing green, just enough time for the Shadowhunter to take a hint.

They all become silent, taking the Alpha’s words like they’re one of his pack.

Magnus smiles, nodding to Luke as thanks, the werewolf soon leaving the institute to get back to his duties. Luke has always been a great ally to Magnus, and he greatly appreciates not letting the Shadowhunters walk all over him. He could just ignore them and let them amuse themselves, but it’s always nice having someone to protect you, even when you don't have the energy yourself.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, thinking it might be Ragnor or Catarina to ask him out for a drink. He shouldn’t be looking at his phone in meetings but they aren’t paying much attention to him now anyway. Magnus can get a copy of the notes once the meeting is over, and he’ll get the chance to study them some other time.

So when he gives his full attention to his phone, he smiles at the name on the screen.

 

**_Catarina:_**

_[Your apartment is a mess, Magnus!]_

Magnus tries not to laugh at the thought of what happened an hour ago.

_[Apologies. I had a guest round.]_

_[A guest? Magnus…]_

_[Not a guest-guest, a Guest with a capital G.]_

_[So not a sex guest?]_

His eyes widen, blocking out any thoughts of Alec before those images can quickly surface.

_[Catarina Loss! How dare you accuse me of trying to seduce someone with takeaway noodles!]_

_[They might have been a rather shy person. The magnificent Magnus Bane always tailors his dates to fit their needs. Too shy to go out? Takeaway noodles it is.]_

Magnus smirks, closing his eyes for a moment and shaking his head. Trust Catarina to put a beaming smile on his face.

_[You are quite the comedian, Cat.]_

_[Are you coming back at all? I really need a drink. The mundanes at work have been running around like ants more than usual. I’m surprised how stupid some of these stories are sometimes.]_

_[More stories? That sounds excellent, I’ll let you know as soon as I’m leaving.]_

_[Sounds good. Love you Magnus! x]_

_[Love you too deary. X]_

He’s about to put his phone away and focus on the meeting, since he has something to look forward to now when this is all over -- but a name he wanted but didn’t expect pops up.

 

**_ALEC:_ **

_[are you done with the ghostbusters yet? im bored. someones in your apartment so i cant go back in]_

_[i really want to finish that takeaway and shes throwing it away. ugh]_

The two texts are sent one after the other, the crease of his brow slowly disappearing as a smile begins to appear as it’s nothing to worry about. Alec being Alec, back to normal. And at least he knows some pop culture references.

_[That’s my friend. I’m meant to have drinks with her tonight.]_

There’s a long pause. No speech bubble, but Alec does eventually reply.

_[ok]_

_Crap._ Alec was going to come back after all and wait for him. Maybe he should cancel with Catarina, but he hasn’t seen her in weeks.

Alec wants to wait for him, but he doesn’t say it explicitly, hinting it between the arrangements of words.

_[If you want to stay the night, I don’t mind. I’ll just ask her to come to my club. You’ll be safe and I’ll lock my wards so nobody else can come in.]_

Another pause, Alec’s thumb hovering over the bar to type his message. His feet are dangling off the apartment building next to Magnus’, the cold air sweeping over him and under his shirt, bristling in the wind. Alec has nowhere else to go, since he doesn’t want to risk Maia being arrested again and finding some random hotel to sleep in doesn’t exactly seem appealing right now. Hugging his arm that’s not holding his phone around his front, Alec sighs, typing out his message.

_[alright. sounds cool]_

_[Just don’t wreck my apartment.]_

_[no parties, got it]_

Magnus is about to put his phone away, on the verge of locking it with the button at the top when Alec sends another text.

_[thanks, magnus]_

Magnus’ lips curl, smiling, feeling a little giddy at getting two thanks from the demon in one day. He’s really starting to open up to Magnus, to trust him. This is still going to be a slow process, but the more they trust each other, the greater the chance they have of finding Valentine and combining their efforts more efficiently.

He decides not to text back, letting him think peacefully. The only time he did take his phone out again is after the meeting, calling Catarina and telling her to meet him at Pandemonium. A quick snap of his fingers shifts the wards in his apartment, only letting Alec inside the wards. Magnus makes his way out of the Institute and towards his club, portalling outside.

One thing Magnus adores about his close friends is the ability to forget about the outside world for a moment. It’s nice to catch up, but the conversation about Valentine eventually brings itself to the table, as well as Alec. Of course, Catarina calls him the Swordsman, but Magnus’ mind always replaces it with the name he knows instead.

Ragnor eventually turns up as well, ordering Magnus an extra drink so he can’t leave until he spills every ounce of gossip he has stored. They keep pestering him about the newly dubbed _noodle guest_ and who they were, but Magnus brushes it aside quickly, moving to another conversation topic. He’ll usually talk about the people he spends time with, so it does make his two warlock friends a little suspicious.

“Did they say you were ugly or something?”

Magnus frowns at Ragnor, taking a sip of his drink before answering him, but Catarina beats him to it.

“No, nobody would. If they did, they’re blind,” she huffs, winking at Magnus over the lip of her wine glass, “Now be quiet about this mystery noodle and move on to another subject. How about Ragnor’s recent interest in the Seelies?”

Magnus can feel Ragnor slowly recline in his chair beside him, trying to sink away and hide.

“Before you say anything, I’m simply interested in their various shades of green,” he lifts a finger, putting his point across, “I actually got kicked out the court the other day for apparently -- _talking too much.”_

“Sounds like our Ragnor,” Catarina laughs, throwing her head back at the amused smirk on Magnus’ face, “Now they know how we feel.”

Ragnor glares, rising slowly in his seat, “Don’t be jealous because I can wear green and pull it off, whereas you can’t.”

He thought he’d won the debate, but Magnus was far from done.

“Oh darling, _every_ colour is my colour. I simply let you have green because nothing else you wear suits you.”

Catarina sips her wine with a childish giggle, eyeing the pair, seeing their smirks slowly grow.

It’s times like these that make you forget the war raging on outside. Magnus even forgot Alec for a small moment between laughter, even though he’s still there in the back of his mind. Alec is probably in his apartment right now, eating or sleeping.

Maybe Alec’s trying to figure out how the microwave works, that little crease of his brow and the gentle movement of his forefinger as he tries to guess which button to press. Little visions like that are becoming more apparent lately, especially when he blanks out in a public space.

Magnus slowly starts to come to the conclusion that he’s growing feelings for Alec. As small as the spark is, it’s a start. _Hope._

 

_\- - - - -_

The warlock trio finish their drinking around 2am, Magnus hugging his friends goodbye as they go their separate ways. Catarina back to her home and Ragnor back to London.

Magnus decides to walk back to his apartment, not being far from his club and enjoying the fresh morning air. Another day of the usual, hunting shadows and trying to find villains that don’t want to be found. Truly, it’s exhausting, but the outcome of this when it’s all over will be worth the effort. More parties, more drinking, more Magnus Bane being _Magnus Bane._ A week or so ago, that outcome seemed possible, but there’s one thing standing in his way as he halts outside his apartment door.

_Alec._

Whether or not Magnus wants that, Alec is now part of the outcome too. Magnus doesn’t know exactly where to place him yet, even though at the start the answer was clear as day. Knowing the demon wants freedom, Magnus said he’d help him and that’s it, nothing else. But now, Magnus has come to know the secret that lies beneath, not what the book cover tells people. Thinking about him constantly makes him reconsider the ending to this war, because if he can’t stop thinking about him, even if it’s subconsciously, will he be able to live without him?

Ragnor and Catarina are his best friends, and even though he doesn’t see them often, sometimes even months, Magnus knows he’ll see them eventually.

So why does Alec feel the same? Maybe Magnus, after knowing how alone Alec is, can’t bare to think of him ever being alone again. Or, maybe Magnus likes having him around to talk too, that small little hand to hold for support.

The demon’s flirting needs work, he’ll say that.

But that’s what he is -- a demon, the _enemy._ Having him around constantly places everything at risk. Magnus can see himself making up his mind as soon as he opens the door, that whatever he sees with nail his heart in one place and never another. Alec is now part of his journey, no matter how much Magnus will try and deny it to protect himself. The extent of how much he wants Alec in his life will always be a mental war.

Alec could be the one to answer that war, to answer those questions Magnus keeps at the back of his throat -- but he’s scared to hear the answers.

Pushing open the door, Magnus’ eyes lift from the floor to the living room. Catarina cleaned up the mess the two men left before, giving Magnus a small little smile at her motherly ways. The smell of takeaway is lovingly replaced by lavender from a burning candle, and everything seems normal, until his magic senses an equal presence on his couch.

Alec is here, curled up on his side, head placed on various arrangements of pillows.

And Magnus’ heart _drops._

He looks so at peace, like he’s finally getting the sleep he’s been craving. Another thing that makes Magnus take a step towards Alec, is the blanket gifted to him draped over his body, Alec hugging it close to his chest under the fabric. Eyelashes rest on his cheek softly, raven locks mixing in with the red of Magnus’ pillows from the couch.

Magnus can’t resist, it would be a crime to. His door closes slowly with the silent command of magic, making his way over to the sleeping frame. If you take away the sword that lays dormant at his feet, you’d think this was just a normal man catching up on sleep, but he isn’t.

Little snores, almost like whistles appear, making Magnus smile with those little crinkles at the edge of his eyes. This is all Magnus wants, for people to be happy, safe, confident in their environment. Alec can’t be confident and show himself to the world, because that'll get him killed. To think that Alec places enough trust in Magnus to fall asleep in his apartment shocks him, even when he knows Magnus wanted to send him back to Edom not long ago. If the scene wasn’t so peaceful and warming, Magnus might have shed a tear. To think of the pain Alec has gone through, a pain he still continuously endures to survive from a decision that wasn’t his -- it’s _heartbreaking,_  and Magnus truly feels for him _._

Gently lifting his hand, Magnus moves his fingertips through Alec’s fringe, slowly pushing it back and softly touching his scalp in the process. Alec doesn't move, but Magnus can hear his breathing shift, deep sleep slowly losing its hold.

Not wanting to disturb him, he leaves his side. Magnus takes off his coat, hanging it up and letting the candles burn out one by one as he walks past them towards his bedroom.

There, on his bedside table, sits a hot chocolate, steaming still. As he moves closer, Magnus notices the small ring of red flames illuminating the cylindrical object, keeping it warm until Magnus arrived home. If he thought it was Catarina, the note and the red flames are a sure giveaway of it being Alec.

_‘i did myself one so i made one for you too. sorry if its too sweet. also the flames will go away once you pick it up so it wont burn your apartment down’_

God, he’s driving Magnus _insane._

_It’s been days._

_Why is it like this?_

_Why does it feel this way?_

As the note says, once Magnus touches the handle of the mug, the flames disappear. It’s not hot that it burns his tongue, but it’s hot enough that he can drink it and feel the liquid gently soothe his throat. The marshmallows are a rather _odd_ touch, and he can’t bring himself to believe Alec picking them out of his cupboards to place them in for him.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Magnus sits down on the edge of his bed, drinking the beverage quietly as he stares out the bedroom window. The same pigeon is there again, but missing the usual friend.

Times are changing.

 

_\- - - - -_

Morning stirs slowly for Magnus.

Once again, the same sun greets him and makes him smile, the warmth ever so comforting. For a small few moments, he enjoys the rays along his skin, keeping his head to the side of the pillow. His fingers play with the sheets subconsciously, almost drifting off to sleep until he hears a clang from somewhere in his apartment.

Distant mumbling, a deep voice he can’t quite make out, which is unusual because he doesn’t remember anyone staying round.

 _Unless --_ Alec is still here.

Magnus checks his clock, being only ten in the morning. It can’t be Catarina because she’s already working her shift at this hour, and there’s no way Ragnor would be here in the morning to deal with Magnus. There’s no other possible reason, since Chairman is by his side, so it must be Alec.

Not really sure what Alec could be doing except falling over and causing something to crash, Magnus slowly pushes himself up from the bed, taking a second to listen again before moving to the edge. He stands up, gently lifting his robe from the hook near the bedroom door and gently placing it over his shoulders.

The robe hugs his glowing skin in this morning light rather nicely, the colour being a deep blue, silk in material. Magnus doesn’t bother to tie it shut, being comfortable enough to show himself in just his boxers and a blue robe. Besides, he truly doubts Alec will be there once he hears Magnus coming, slipping out to avoid the embarrassment he might feel at snuggling up on his couch. Either way, Magnus just wants to know what the hell is going on in his apartment.

And when Magnus arrives to where Alec was sleeping before, he sighs. The blanket is there, abandoned, Alec nowhere to be found. Speaking of the blanket, Magnus notices how neatly it’s folded on the back of the chair, almost as if he never touched it at all. Admitting he’s slightly disheartened will only make the sinking feeling worse.

However, the smell that pulls Magnus’ interest comes from the kitchen. It takes only a few, soft steps before he comes across the fresh plate of steaming food. A full English, a coffee cup placed to the side with the steam slowly rising. It reminds him of how his blinds move in front of a window with a gentle breeze.

A hot chocolate, now this? What’s Alec planning? Is he trying to win him over in order to let Magnus keep his end of the bargain? Or is this part of something much bigger? It annoys Magnus that he can’t answer the questions whisking his thoughts, pinching the bridge of his nose as he approaches the hot plate of food.

Magnus won’t waste it, not when Alec made it for him out of nothing but kindness. Something selfish inside of him didn’t want to think it’s for the deal they made, but it’s definitely interesting to see this different side to the demon.

Like the hot chocolate, the usual black note that activates under red light sits against the cup. He hasn’t left any flames this time to keep it warm, so he must have only just missed him.

_‘thanks for letting me crash. i dont know what you like to eat for breakfast so i just made what Maia did for me when i stopped over. – alec’_

Confirming Magnus’ wish for it to be a thanks, he smiles, glad. Once again, his heart moves quicker, trying to catch up with the adrenaline and endorphins rushing through him. The image of Alec trying to make this as quick as possible, remembering to keep quiet so he doesn’t wake Magnus to avoid questioning looks if he discovers him. But to be honest, if he walked in on Alec cooking for him, he doesn’t think his heart would be able to take it, and he’d cancel the deal right then and there. He’d keep him forever.

Fuck it. There’s no denying Magnus’ attraction to him now, physically _and_ mentally. Alec may have a long way to go with control, but Magnus can practically say he’s fallen head over heels for the Alec he never expected to find - the Alec that woke up early just to make him breakfast when Magnus doesn’t expect any thanks at all.

Taking a seat at the kitchen bar, Magnus summons his phone to his hand with a calculated, slow twist of his fingers, blue sparking around the surface of the skin.

Alec hasn’t texted him, but Magnus isn't going to let this conversation slide.

_[Morning, Alec. Thank you for the breakfast, I really appreciate it.]_

Alec’s replies immediately, almost like he’s been waiting at the other end of the phone eagerly for his reaction.

_[was it any good?]_

_[I haven’t tried it yet, but it smells delicious. I didn’t expect this at all when I woke up. And also, that hot chocolate was perfect, so thank you again for that too.]_

Magnus can’t see the smile slowly spreading on Alec’s face, the demon hugging the phone between his hands like it’s the most precious thing he’s ever held.

_[cool]_

Lifting one brow at the text Alec sends, Magnus brings a fork of beans and some scrambled egg into his mouth before replying.

_[Cool? I expected more flirting.]_

_[i thought you hated it]_

_[I find it amusing, I don’t hate it.]_

Magnus chuckles, taking another bite of food and waiting for the speech bubble on the phone to appear as another set of words.

_[what do you expect me to flirt with about breakfast? its beans on toast with eggs.]_

_[C’mon, try something. Win me over.]_

There’s a pause. Alec obviously thinking it over and taking his steps carefully here.

_[i thought i already did]_

_[Very good, but I expected that one. Try thinking outside the box Alec.]_

Magnus knows he’s practically playing with fire, a _dangerous_ game, but that’s what makes it _interesting._ How far will Alec _really_ go? Does he even have the nerve -

_[morning sex is much more interesting than actual breakfast]_

Well, he didn’t expect him to get straight to the point.

_[With me?]_

Maybe Magnus shouldn’t have sent that one, but it’s amusing to him, chuckling a little as he scoops up more food on his fork.

_[of course, have you seen yourself? fuck]_

And Magnus will gladly take that compliment.

_[Says the sin himself.]_

_[did you just call me a walking sin?]_

_[Well, you are, aren’t you? Demon and all.]_

How tall is Alec again? He can’t tell exactly from the time he saw him before, but he’s tall enough to have that little bit of power over Magnus if he lets him. He’s comfortable in the way he walks, not powerful, but assured. Alec is aware of when to show his power and when not too.

_[ok you have a point]_

Magnus concentrates on finishing his breakfast, placing his phone down and having a few minutes to himself. Flirting with Alec felt so normal, a normality that he shouldn’t be allowed to have.

Shadowhunters could come bursting through his doors at any moment, to squeeze his beating heart, controlling it and commanding him to help their aid. It’s ironic their request would be to find the demon he’s just been _flirting_ with over text.

It sounds so stupid, and it makes Magnus laugh. That laugh mixes with a smile, the uplifting emotion gently hugging his soul. Magnus is happy, and he’s enjoying life despite the storm brewing outside his little brooklyn apartment.

And that’s when it hits him.

Alec is making him happy.

 

_\---_

Two days later, Alec finally got in touch with him again. He’d gone silent after the last text he sent Magnus, returning to his duty in aiding the search for Valentine.

_[hey i have a gift for you]_

Meetings have been boring as per usual for Magnus, looking at his phone every so often for something amusing to come through from Alec about his travels, but he got nothing. So to see his name pop up after a busy day at the Institute testing demon blood samples with Isabelle, the usual sappy smile returns to his face.

_[If it’s coconut milk again, I don’t want it.]_

_[rude, but no]_

Now this peaks his interest, Alec bringing _another_ supposed gift to him again.

_[Alright, you can come over. Nobody’s here.]_

Magnus _was_ going to leave it at that, but he decides to joke around a little bit.

_[Is it beach balls?]_

_[are you trying to make some sort of joke from that?]_

_[Of course not.]_

_[you are]_

Smirking at the text, Magnus takes off his coat and places it on the hook, making his way to the living area. He hears Alec arriving on the balcony a few seconds later.

“I didn’t bring beach balls, but I have this,” Alec already has the shirt held up when Magnus looks at him, and it’s very obvious that he bought it from a little market in the big city, “I didn’t know what size you were so I got the biggest they had.”

He’s still wearing clothes from two days before, with the addition of a few bracelets around his wrist that seem to be handmade. Demon magic must be good for keeping clothes clean, then.

Magnus reads what’s on the shirt Alec has for him, and he begins to laugh.

“What?” says Alec, slightly hurt that he’s laughing.

“You bought me that? I live here!”

“Exactly!” Alec smiles, lifting the shirt a little more and moving it to the side so he can look at it himself, “I think you’ll look good in it.”

Approaching the demon, Magnus outstretches his hand, gently tracing his fingers over the printed heart.

_“Think?”_

“Okay,” Alec mumbles, “You _will_ look good in it.”

Magnus simply shakes his head, smiling to himself, warmth swimming through his veins. Alec bought, or _stole_ an _I <3 NYC _shirt that could fit two of Magnus inside. It can always be a pyjama top, so Magnus takes it from him gently.

“Thank you, Alec.” that thanks brings a slow smile to Alec’s face, not sure what to do with his hands afterwards and shoving them into his pockets.

While Magnus walks to the side to place it down for the time being, Alec stares at the blanket. He keeps staring until Magnus moves back in front of him again. That’s when Alec begins to look down his torso, eyes lidded as they admire what Magnus is wearing today.

Alec can see suspenders under the suit of Magnus’ jacket as he lets the material fall from his shoulders, feeling his breath snatched from his lungs at the image in front of him. Alec has to bite his tongue, desperately wanting to comment.

His desire wins out.

“Looking good, Bane,” Alec clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth, staring for a bit longer than he should, vision flicking up to Magnus’ face after a few seconds. Magnus is smiling, one eyebrow slightly raised, “Do you look good in everything?”

“Why thank you, and maybe. It depends on the person’s taste, I presume,” adjusting the shirt around his wrists, he watches as Alec moves to lean against the back of the couch. He’s slightly more tanned than last time, stubble on his jaw, “And what would be yours?”

“My taste?” Alec questions, placing both hands in his pockets.

“Mmm,” Magnus mumbles, undoing some buttons to let his neck and chest breathe. Meetings with the Shadowhunters are always so formal.

Alec doesn’t know how he manages to string his words together when he sees _that._

“Can Magnus Bane be a taste?” tilting his head, Alec smirks at him, young and free, a single canine catching and dragging against his own bottom lip before letting go.

_Wow._

Cheesy, but better.

So it seems the flirts work more when the demon stands directly in front of him. Magnus feels shivers, that smirk becoming a ghostly movement of hands over every ounce of skin that he’s just exposed.

“Nice one. Seems you’ve been working on your flirt game.” he walks away to grab a glass of wine.

“I have, thanks,” Alec calms the smirk to a smile, following where he walks, glancing at his behind for a small moment so Magnus doesn’t catch him when he turns around, “Can’t let you beat the _walking sin_ at his own job.”

Silence becomes the next thing to bother them. There’s a tension slowly swallowing the atmosphere, Magnus and Alec unsure what to talk about. Valentine isn’t a subject either of them want to bring up, yet it’s what brought them together in the first place. It’s difficult to change the subject when you don’t know where to place your footing.

Strange land, drowning waters. Alec is on the other side to where Magnus stands in that dream space, and they both somehow want to meet in the middle.

“Are you stopping for dinner?”

Alec perks up at that, keeping the smile on his face as he stands up.

“Sure.”

The more they trust eachother, the easier this job will be.

Pushing himself from the couch, he places the Soul Sword against the side of the bar, leaving it there while he helps Magnus with cooking. They keep to their own sides of the kitchen, only engaging in conversation when Magnus asks him to pass a specific tool or some pieces of food.

Magnus eyes the Soul Sword and how it seems to pulse the further Alec walks away from it. It’s calling him back, almost, seeming angry if Alec doesn’t pay attention to it. In honesty, Magnus feels watched by it, haunting him if he makes Alec smile or laugh with some sort of joke. Alec doesn't seem to be bothered by it, so Magnus brushes it aside and enjoys the quality time he’s spending with Alec.

The rest of the night goes casual, like they’re two friends catching up on life. They drink wine and listen to music that plays from Magnus’ record player, drinking and eating away at their mini feasts they cooked for themselves. The conversation becomes mostly about where Magnus has been, where he’s travelled. He mentions wanting to go to certain places again and visiting places he hasn’t had the chance yet, and Alec watches him carefully, eyes never leaving his face as he talks on about things.

Alec doesn’t really talk much himself, but he does answer back to questions and prompt new ones. Magnus can’t help but feel Alec is personally holding himself back talking about memories, and he knows why, so he doesn’t push, letting the night lead itself.

Around midnight, the conversation dies out, tension pulled taut like a string. Alec places his wine glass down and stands up from where he was leaning against the bar.

“I should get going. Got a job to do,” Magnus can see how forced his smile is as he said that, “Thanks again for the company. Maybe we can do this again tomorrow?”

Magnus nods, bringing his wine glass to his chest as he stands up to say his goodbyes.

“Of course. Any time, it’s a pleasure.”

Alec doesn’t shift his expression from Magnus’ face. He’s thinking about something, something that’s pushing his brows together, slowly turning back towards the warlock.

Magnus finds himself not saying anything either, simply remaining where he stands, lifting the glass to his lips, taking a sip. Alec walks closer and closer, hands still in his pockets and eyes never leaving Magnus’. They seem to burn into him, red eyes that would usually strike fear in the heart of anyone who dares to look -- but Alec’s comfort him, the demonic blood under control.

Alec slows his steps as he gets closer, finally moving his focus from Magnus’ eyes to his neck.

One false move, and Alec could ruin everything.

A breath’s distance away, Alec licks his lips, the tension pulling on a string as far as it can go, until it snaps. Alec moves forward for the last time, Magnus noticing the small red spark in his eyes that threatens to completely cover the hazel, but it’s held back by Alec’s own will.

He expects a kiss, and it still is, but not on Magnus’ lips.

Alec leans over gently, hands still in his pockets as Magnus feels his entire body lock. He doesn’t know what’s coming, but he has a gut feeling, moving his head to the side. Even if he doesn’t know what’s happening or what Alec intends to do, there’s a deep, gripping hunger that wants to find out.

Magnus feels the flush of Alec’s eyelashes as he places a warm kiss to the side of his neck, the rough texture of his lips sending small sparks plunging into his nervous system. Magnus closes his eyes, silently thanking any god out there that Alec is opening up even more, allowing Magnus’ hope to seem a little brighter.

Alec pulls his lips away after the small kiss, but he’s still there, lips only just touching the soft skin, hanging there like he’s debating to kiss him again or savouring the taste. It’s a mix of everything, the emotions and the want for more, but he knows he needs to control the urges his demonic powers are trying to push forward. And the more he debates, the more the warm breath rolls over Magnus’ skin in waves, the warlock exhaling through his lips with force.

The blood pumping through the vein in Magnus’ neck becomes a familiar rhythm in his ears, eyes downcast to the skin he previously kissed. Closing his eyes slowly, Alec moves his head down again, not feeling resistance from Magnus. Instead, Alec feels the warlock move into him, his free hand on the demon’s chest ever so slightly gripping the fabric of his tank between his thumb and forefinger, pulling him closer. Magnus’ hair brushes against Alec's shoulder, his lips parting to breathe deeply as Alec continues to kiss where he hasn’t been in a long time.

Alec kisses his neck again, but this time his lips drag more than the last, Magnus feeling the edge of his teeth that threaten to scrape his skin. Magnus holds his breath as Alec’s canines pinch him instead, just gently, pulling ever so slightly before letting go. It’s like a tickle, stuttering as Alec fights back the lust that wants to jump out. Every drag of his lips feels like an hour of his lifetime, his body being held up and together by Alec. What Magnus would give to just _feel_ Alec’s hands hold him, or lift him up into his arms and push him against a wall -- but Magnus isn’t complaining, and besides, it's definitely the demonic magic finally being absorbed by Magnus' skin. He doesn’t want to complain or demand more, as for once Magnus just wants to let himself fall into someone else’s arms, to let the demon hold him into the hours of the night, to feel safe. When Magnus thinks the kissing is over, Alec’s lips move back down again, pressing a much harder kiss to the skin that makes Magnus move his head slowly to the side, exposing his neck a little more, but all while curving his head into Alec.

Magnus is so smitten.

Alec is so intoxicated.

They want everything and there's no denying that now.

But their little taste of that dream is cut short, life pulling at their chains again.

With Alec stepping back slowly, Magnus doesn’t realise he had his eyes closed in pure bliss, not until he feels the cold immediately cling to the skin of his neck where Alec kissed him three times. One labelled as a small peck of affection, then the second hinting desire and need, the third being possession. Alec kissed him where Magnus never expected, even though he never expected Alec to ever kiss him at all.

Alec stands there, looking at him, his expression rather confusing as it mixes between uncertainty and confidence. Alec’s lips are parted, tongue slowly darting across his bottom lip. They feel tingly and cold, whereas before they felt warm, and for the first time, Alec feels that cold, but he doesn’t understand it. Magnus is still staring at him, lost for words at the feeling that slowly oozes through his entire body. It reminds the warlock of a warm, grounding hug but with lips instead of hands, and he wants more.

And so does Alec.

The demon smiles, looking over Magnus’ face to try and read whatever he’s feeling, and he can see how relaxed and dazed the warlock seems.

“I’ll see you soon, Magnus.” voice rough, Alec turns around, hands still in his pockets and disappearing through the balcony doors.

As soon as those doors shut, Magnus exhales, his body catching up with his mind at last. Raising a hand to his neck, Magnus places it near to where Alec kissed him, not directly on it. It feels cold, like it’s missing something that’s meant to be there, or something that Magnus wants to be there.

Sighing, he downs the rest of his wine, heading to his bedroom to get ready for bed, taking the shirt Alec gifted with him.

 

\- - - - -

_[The top fits lovely, thank you.]_

Laying in bed, Magnus woke up to a single pigeon at his window again. Texting Alec was more of a deal thing than anything else. He needed to make sure Alec was still _Alec._ At least that's what he tells himself.

_[im glad it does. sorry its massive though]_

Magnus smiles as he reads the text that’s sent back almost immediately after. Looks like Alec never slept again, waiting at his phone again for him.

_[Doesn’t matter, the comfort is lovely, especially when sleeping.]_

_[you slept with it on?]_

_[Of course.]_

_[oh. well, im happy then]_

Happy.

Alec is happy, just like Magnus is.

Slowly they’re catching up with each other, but the day that starts out great with the memory of Alec’s lips clear on his mind starts to turn sour.

Alec doesn’t reply to any of Magnus’ text after the last one. At first Magnus asked him about where he’s travelling next, then if he wants to come over for dinner again.

But he’s completely blanked.

It angers him at the same time it confuses, and Magnus can’t concentrate in the meetings or missions, even when they mention Valentine has gone completely quiet.

Just when he thought he’s getting somewhere, Alec takes fifty steps back and forgets Magnus even exists. Magnus thought that after yesterday, after that kiss, things would be different. Then again, Magnus did feel the lust rolling over his skin in waves from Alec’s powers, which could either mean Alec almost lost control, or he’s nervous to go on from that point.

But then a thought hits him. Alec never forgets to reply to his texts. It’s always instant or a few minutes later, not _hours._

Something's happened, Alec is in trouble. Magnus can feel it trembling his bones.

Demons are unpredictable, but Magnus doesn’t want to believe that Alec simply just vanished after he used Magnus for whatever he needed him for. It hurts to even begin to think that, so as he swirls the wine in his glass during the early afternoon, pacing in his apartment and hand to his heart, he tries to think of what could’ve happened to Alec. His heart beats like a drum, working overtime as every dark scenario of Alec punches him in the lungs.

After every other option waltzes through his mind, from simply losing his phone to sleeping, he ends up at the last one, where Alec wouldn’t be able to simply take out his phone and text his secret warlock.

Valentine has summoned him, finally making his move on the chess board.

Magnus can’t help him. They’re too late to reach him first. Even if Magnus is right, his gut feeling making him anxious, he doesn’t want to believe it.

Grabbing his trenchcoat, he makes a direct portal to the institute, walking briskly to try and find Isabelle and Jace. Magnus has to know if they have anything, something on Alec that confirms what he thought.

He begs and prays they don’t, and for once Magnus wants them to prove him wrong. He wants them to say that this is all a lie and at some point, Alec’s name will appear on his phone screen again, flirty and agreeing to come eat dinner with him. As seconds pass, that reality seems even more dull, pulling him down by chains as Magnus struggles with the thought of losing him.

Does he even _have_ him, though? What are they? Why does Magnus care this much?

Magnus has to stay strong, keep his head held high. Not just for himself, but for Alec now too. They will both get out of this sickening war, both of them, _together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said pain was coming  
> please don't hate me :'))
> 
> BUT MALEC WILL PULL THROUGH I PROMISE


	5. Remember Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! warning !! - heavy violence in this chapter towards a main character, please be warned!
> 
> song i picked for the final scene is wide eyes :')
> 
> ALSO THIS FIC GOT FANART! THAT'S INSANE! You can check it out [here!](https://twitter.com/Amarytha_art/status/923273922304512001) Thank you so much Amarytha!! They do amazing SH art, so go check them out!
> 
> I can't really say enjoy for this one, but see you on the other side!
> 
> #ODSfic

For a demon cursed to feel without emotion, Alec for sure feels alone. When your feet don’t know where to stand, or your lungs struggle to find a pattern and get the oxygen your body needs. Emotions are like symptoms for Alec, small riddles to figure out on his own. Magnus has given him new ones, some riddles more complicated than others, but Magnus has been the one to help Alec solve the first one.

Alone.

Alec felt alone without Magnus by his side. Magnus’ smile could compete and lead over every other person he’s seen smile, and over the last few weeks, there’s been a lot of them. Even the smiles of people on holiday in Hawaii can’t compete with the way Magnus smiles, genuine and full of affection he’s waiting for someone to see. A smile that makes you smile in return, his eyes crinkling at the sides as it soon turns into a laugh. Alec wasn’t even aware smiling was so carefree, and he finds himself enjoying it.

Did he even smile before Magnus?

Who knows, but one thing is for sure, he wants to keep doing it.

He’s allowed to smile. He’s allowed to laugh. Most of all, he can be just _Alec_ around him, not the Swordsman.

If he’s honest, a day he doesn’t go to see Magnus is a day that feels darker. There’s no horizon line he can run towards to seek his goal, nor is there anything he looks forward to. His thoughts are blank, asking and answering his own questions in a repetitive order until he just gives up entirely. Nothing feels clear unless he sees that smile.

Magnus’ smile opens up the clouds, to let him see something at that horizon line and watch as the sun comes up.

So as he lays here on his back, arms crossed behind his head, looking to the stars –- he wonders if Magnus is too. Does he see the same? An endless void, small dots of light scattered around as they try to reach through, trying to shine brighter than before. Much like Alec, he too is sitting in darkness, his own mind and past plaguing him with what he must do and what he must become.

With Magnus in his life, he doesn’t really care about duty. He might as well forget it when he can’t remember how he got here in the first place. Perhaps he didn't have anything to fight for in his past life, and if he did, was it  _something_ or _someone?_ Maybe he has a family, waiting for him to come home after years and years of searching, or maybe as Alec’s memories were being wiped, they too shared the same fate.

Not Edom, that was only Alec’s fate to endure, but whoever knew him pre-Swordsman has to live with that void in their mind, a spec that was once Alec, the star trying to reach through the darkness that never has a chance of leaving. The more he sits in silence about it, the more he thinks his past isn’t worth reliving.

If after all this time, nothing has come back, or there's no one calling out to him, then there’s nothing left. Alec was casted down, fallen, so why would the angels clip his wings if he didn’t do something against the laws of heaven? He can’t turn up to his past family expecting forgiveness if he’s done something truly grim.

Alec closes his eyes, letting the brisk wind scratch his face, shifting his hair and newly acquired leather jacket that he got not long after leaving Magnus’ apartment. His old shorts are gone, acquiring new black jeans that hug his legs and not constrict them.

Magnus, _again._

He’s consuming his every thought, consuming it to the point where the demon _can’t help_ but think about him. More and more as he travels, he finds himself looking at buildings or a scarf that looks rather elegant with fine details, leading him to think of the warlock. He’d imagine what it'll look like on him, or if he’d like it as a gift. In honesty, he’s scared of annoying Magnus, somewhat frightened to talk to him incase he seems too clingy.

But after that _kiss,_  it feels like all his doubts have been tied to an anchor and thrown into the ocean. They’re here to stay, but they aren’t to be seen, as Alec will always be afraid of his presence in Magnus’ life. It’ll change him more than just having a relationship, but why is he even _thinking_ that?

This is a deal, a business arrangement. There’s _no_ relationship involved.

Magnus wants him to visit, and he trusts him in his apartment to stay safe. Then again, this could all be a hoax to get the demon to trust him, but that’s what his thoughts have been saying since they made the deal. Now, Alec will learn to trust his gut, _not_ his mind. Alec wants to believe that they're going somewhere, even if it’s just a friendship.

Because when he kissed him, he heard Magnus’ heart beat faster, his hands grip his shirt and pull him closer. That’s a sign, if any, that the warlock’s interested, but he’d never see it as a final answer. He wants words, to make sure Magnus is 110% ready for Alec permanently in his life before he drops the sword and picks up Magnus’ heart instead.

Besides, that may have been his magic, part of his poison slipping through the control. Alec hates to think that may be the case, but right now, he’s hanging on to any hope he can find. He doesn’t want to walk alone anymore.

 _Soul Sword’s protector_ – bah. He’d drop it in a heartbeat to be with Magnus.

Alec’s heart beats so slow he should be dead. Around Magnus, that changes, the speed of which that organ contracts and pulses quickening when he sees Magnus, when he smiles, when he _laughs._ He feels alive, like there’s something to live for.

Being a demon for an immortal lifetime doesn’t seem so bad with Magnus around, even though his heart hurts at the thought of taking everything Magnus worked towards because he’s simply that –- a _demon._ He’d be Magnus’ secret, a dirty secret locked away almost literally from the Clave so they don’t hunt the both of them down.

Entertaining as it sounds, Alec doesn’t want to be a burden, because he wants to be something that makes him smile after a boring day at his job, or arms to come home to when it’s cold in the winter months.

Thinking about it doesn’t help, since he craves it -- craves _Magnus._ Ironic as it is, he fell quicker for Magnus than he did to Edom, so maybe he’s the one to pull him out of that void, to be his star.

The world can wait, Alec doesn’t care, his emotions simply a mess. He really has to think about what he’s going to do once Valentine’s captured. A pull deep inside his soul tells him Magnus will truly let him free, because those genuine smiles can’t fool a demon, and he can’t smell any lies pouring from his lips. Alec doesn’t even sense a bad aura around that man, just knowledge, care and love for the people he cares for.

Magnus is the most genuine person he’s met, a literal angel, but it  _could_ be biased since Alec hasn’t met many people, but he doesn’t need to know anymore when Magnus is just so - _so -_ –

He can’t form words, biting his tongue.

Beauty didn’t exist in Alec’s eyes before he met him, so there’s no words to describe him, because everything that does exist can’t match up to what Alec thinks. Magnus deserves so much more, _much more_ than what Alec can provide. There’s probably no one who can match Magnus, not in Alec’s eyes, but he also never wants to see the warlock alone.

Alec halts his thoughts, his body suddenly feeling ten times heavier. He groans, something constricting around his throat. tugging him to stand. He does so, but slowly, the lines of a pentagram forming at his feet in red lines. Fire ignites over the carvings, licking along the roof of the building he’s been using to gaze at the stars.

That’s when Alec becomes aware of what’s happening.

Valentine is summoning him, the lines of the pentagram locking him down before he can do anything to save himself. He can’t reach in his pocket to let Magnus know, nor can he scream out for help because no one would hear him.

Alec’s on his own, just like before.

_Just like he’ll always be._

The symbol completes itself below him, feeling his body go funny, a simmering burn spreading over his skin as he feels his body contract. It’s like he’s being squished while standing, looking around as the landscape changes before him.

Mountains turn into old, rusted oil bins. Trees turn to concrete pillars, darkness becoming thick like fog.

Wrecked, banged up cars appear in front of him, glass from their broken windows scattered all over the concrete floor. Those broken shards reflect red light that flickers from the candles placed on every surface available. The light of the stars and galaxies above him disappears, consumed by a dull, green mist.

Alec quickly realises that he’s been summoned to an old warehouse, chains swinging ever so slightly from the ceiling, work equipment long forgotten and abandoned. Some oil bins are on fire, trying to get as much light as they can in such a dark and haunted building. It’s probably an old manufacturing plant, one used to make cars as the conveyor belts for parts and heavy lifting machines are still here, frames of cars like carcasses taking place to Alec’s right. On his left are supposedly finished cars ready to be sold on the market, now broken and rusted, tires deflated and interiors ripped out.

That’s when the people come into view. The first stands by the _new_ car, beard trimmed but slightly messy and looking rather old. Next, is another man, younger than the first and looking more buff. Alec continues looking through the men, all seeming to wear the same black attire, adjusted slightly in style by a small amount before his eyes catch who seems to be the leader.

Valentine, hands behind his back and smiling at Alec like he’s the new prized piece in his antique collection. Alec takes a step back, but feels his shoulders hit the ward behind him.

Can he get out of this one like he did at the Institute?

Turning to look over his shoulder, he spots a warlock’s trembling hands trying to keep him obtained. Black veins spread across his face, expression grit in pain and determination. He’s reaching the end of his magic tether to keep Alec locked in, and at any second he’s about to break.

But he keeps _going,_ breathing in sharply and exhaling quickly, the process repeating over and over. Alec can sense the dark aura that circles him, the veins over his face being some sort of poison, something Magnus explained Valentine would do to his followers -- or _experiments._ That’s all these people are to Valentine, vessels for stupidity and a world dream of purity, when in reality he’s tainting and ruining what’s fine to begin with.

Alec smirks at the warlock’s quick change in stance, because as soon as the warlock realises he’s looking at him, he can feel the wards weaken. He’s afraid, his body clicking into overdrive, constantly being rebooted by the poison in his veins. Valentine may be the crafty mastermind with enough cool to rival the arctic, but his followers don’t match it. This warlock has nowhere near the volume of Magnus’ power, so he'll be able to break out of this ward no sweat, at least as soon as he figures a way out without being slain in the process.

If Valentine took so long to prepare, it wasn’t to find a warlock, it’s for _something else._

It frightens Alec, becoming more and more so when he realises he’s trapped here. Alec’s aware he posses demon blood, and a _lot_ of it. Surely that's to summon him, nothing else.

But god, is Alec _wrong._

“Nice of you to finally join us, _demon,”_ Alec cringes at the tone of Valentine’s voice, slicked with venom and curving his letters to sound more demanding than he needs to be, “You’ve been quite the annoyance to round up. A lot of preparation.”

Alec doesn’t want to talk to him, but he can’t let Valentine know that he’s legitimately scared.

“Couldn’t make it easy for you,” he mocks in reply, letting thoughts of Magnus be pushed aside so he doesn’t falter his steps. He has to be the Swordsman, not Alec, “What do you want? I’m rather busy enjoying my vacation.”

That’s when he grins, and Alec regrets _everything._

“Ah, I see you’re quite humorous. Interesting.” Valentine nods, smiling as he turns around, walking away slowly, one hand holding the other behind his back.

Alec _hates_ this. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s planned, but Valentine looks like he’s going to take his time, which agitates Alec even more.

“Don’t put on a dramatic show -- fucking _get on with it_ before I break this ward and move on with my day.” Alec barks, sticking one foot out as he crosses his arms, head up and chin slightly raised to give off that powerful demeanour.

Valentine halts his walk, moving his head so Alec can just see the side of his face.

“You wouldn’t do that,”

Alec scoffs, reaching his hand up, beginning to feel the black of his demonic side crawl over his skin before he’s even touched the sword. And just as he’s about to, his hand clenches, remaining motionless as Valentine pushes a small figure out in front of him.

“Break that ward, and I’ll put the same poison in that warlock behind you into dear here,” his smirk fades, the circle on his neck old and rather ugly compared to the runes the usual Shadowhunters have. He’s the definition of crooked, _sickening,_ “Would you want that?”

Widening his eyes just a little, Alec parts his lips at who he sees.

It’s a small girl, pigtails just reaching her shoulders as they’re hunched together in a shy stance. Her hands hold themselves together at the front of her body, fingers twiddling together in thought. Two pink bows holding her pigtails, a scarf covering her neck, falling gently down the left side of her body.

Alec can sense her magic. A young warlock, Valentine’s hand on her shoulder.

Everything inside Alec wants to _break_ this barrier and rush to save her, but he can’t. One move, and the needle in Valentine’s pocket he notices just now will be used against him.

“Typical,” he spits, seeing Alec’s hand slowly fall to his side, “Shadowhunters have turned you soft.”

“The Shadowhunters have done nothing but free me and annoy me since they did, I’ve had nothing to do with them,” the little girl looks up at Alec when he speaks, not at the floor, Let her go. She has nothing to do with this.”

“Oh, she did,” those choice of words have Alec stepping forward, fist smacking against the magical ward and sending a shockwave outwards, the ripple visible in red waves, “but don’t worry, I just wanted to see if you have that weakness inside you.”

“What do you mean? Why are you being so _fucking_ cryptic? _Get to the point!”_ Alec can feel rage building inside, embers slowly igniting as fuel begins to expand through his veins, Edom calling to him again.

All Valentine did was smirk, patting the kid's shoulder, letting her walk forward ever so slowly towards Alec. For a moment, Alec watches her, unsure of what this means, but soon lets his glare return to Valentine. He’s conflicted, but he doesn’t want to get distracted trying to save her instead of the main enemy he wants to rip to shreds with his bare hands.

“Humanity,” he can see the moment Alec visibly stops breathing, just for a few seconds at the word, enough to make the bald man smile with glee, “You didn't know that yourself, did you?”

Alec doesn’t want to let him win. All this time he thought it’d be a physical battle with his army of followers, but _this,_ this is a mental game. He hates it, because Alec has almost no control over his emotions. Valentine wants to work into his brain, to get him to follow his every smirk and command -- and it’s _working,_ because Alec doesn’t want the innocent warlock standing before him to suffer any pain.

Humanity, emotions –- everything he’s been taught and burned to forget is back to bite him. Magnus made him feel again, which has only made him weaker. If only Alec had more time to understand, more time to control and warp those emotions so he can become stronger. Right now, they’re weighing his heart down, scared at the thought of never getting out of this, stuck to be Valentine’s beck and call.

Will he see Magnus again?

God _please,_ let him see Magnus again, even if it’s just one last time.

Alec slams the ward again, making the girl jump, but he has to exert some sort of anger before it completely consumes him. Heat pools at the backs of his eyes, the powers of Edom threatening to consume him to the point where he only keeps a simmer of control.

“It’s a shame, really. Even if you went through years of burning with that sword pinning you to the floors of that awful, _awful_ realm, you still feel like any other _rotten human._ I hoped you’d be more _menacing,_ to say the least,” Valentine looks him up and down, clicking his tongue like he’s disappointed at his kid’s school grades.

“I _laughed_ when I found out the angels had condemned a Shadowhunter to the floors of Edom. They’d become the ultimate warrior, because you’re trained in the first place to not let emotions rule you, so add a demonic bag of powers to the mix and you’ll have a force to be reckoned with,” Valentine then gestures to Alec, one hand still on the ward and struggling to keep his breathing contained, “Yet here you are, a _disappointment.”_

For some reason, that word makes him _cringe._ It sounds so familiar, but he can’t place where, the void of his mind giving nothing but that –-  _emptiness._ Then why does it feel so _familiar,_ like he’s heard it before?

_Wait._

He said _Shadowhunter._

That realisation morphs his face, Alec lifting his head a little, hand releasing the clench it had over the surface of the ward.

“You still have them, don’t you?” his smirk remains, seeing how much Alec becomes affected by hints of his past, “The _scars.”_

 _“Shut up!"_  Alec shouts, but it’s _deep,_ the monster inside clawing its way up his throat, growls bouncing off the walls of the abandoned warehouse.

Alec’s past is long gone, _deleted._ There’s no way he can get it back, not without someone knowing, and he can’t let Valentine take advantage of that. He’ll deal with this some other time, as right now he needs to save himself as well as the girl who still stands in front of him. It’s almost like Valentine is using her as a guard, blocking a direct path towards him.

“Ouch, _touchy,”_ Valentine walks away again, taking longer as he approaches a steaming bucket placed on the roof of a wrecked car.

Valentine nods to one of his followers, taking the young warlock away and out of sight.

Alec sees this as an opportunity to reach back for his sword, keeping his eyes on Valentine.

He has to take this chance _now,_ before it’s too late.

Just as he grabs the sword, he feels something sharp shoot through his chest, pushing him forward into the ward.

Alec’s world _stops._ His lungs _cave._

Whatever it is, it’s pierced both his lungs, the hole as big as his clenched fist. The contraption that pierced through him _expands,_ the claws spreading out as it comes flying back, knocking him backwards and crashing against the ward again. As it clings to the front of his body, Alec struggles to  _breathe,_ bleeding out as his demon blood rushes to replace and heal the vessel of Alec’s body.

Spitting blood from his mouth, Alec feels his knees give out, and he’s about to tumble to the floor when the contraption _pulls,_ ripping a groan from his throat as he collides against the rusted machine that traps him with the claw, the summoning circle broken.

And he _screams._

More blood rushes to his mouth, Alec tasting the sickly iron and spitting it from his mouth, at least as much as he can until he needs to focus on breathing. They’ve missed the spot to slay him, but that’s what they intended from the start.

He feels like _crying,_ because as soon as he felt that awful, destroying pain, he was done for.

That one moment of weakness, that focus to get revenge on someone who’s been making life a living hell for everyone -- it’s _cost him._

Alec’s harpooned, the weapon attached to a large digger. It’s been cemented with layers and layers onto the scoop of it, one of the forks sticking into his lower back. The pain of the harpoon is much worse than that, but it all combines into one overwhelming force that halts his rapid healing _._ His little mumbles, almost cries reach out for whatever god out there still believes in him --

But they won’t, he’s _fallen,_ wings clipped with no chance of redeeming himself. At least, not anymore.

“Can you _feel_ that? Your demonic side coming to the surface?”

Alec feels his eyes closing, struggling to stay open as he can’t move, Valentine’s voice echoing through his mind like a snake slithers across the floor.

His hands try to pull the harpoon, but the initial attack has drained his strength, focusing on healing the hole in his chest, repairing his lungs so he can _breathe._

He can’t do anything. _Helpless._

When hours earlier he felt happiness, the echo of a smile, the only thing he can feel now is the stutter of his broken lungs, the blood running down his neck --

_Magnus will definitely be angry at me for ruining this outfit._

At least he can still find some humour, something to make this a little easier to come to terms with.

Vision fading in and out of focus, he can’t even see Valentine, only hearing his voice and the thump of his body’s pain in his ears.

“I can make you stronger, to be the warrior Edom wanted you to be, but I knew you wouldn’t cooperate,” Valentine walks closer, a heat resistant glove covering one of his hands that holds a needle, “It only took nearly a _month_ of preparation, but I’ve done it.”

Alec has one second of focused vision he wishes he never got, just enough time to see the needle in the protected hand of Valentine. Looking at it like it’s some sort of marvel, Valentine grins, and Alec feels _sick,_ more than he is right at this moment.

If that’s the demon blood he’s been collecting, then it isn’t the amount Alec thought he’d have.

The harpoon still grips him, holding him to the digger as his knees touch the floor, trying to get himself comfortable and aid his own escape from this.

Why isn’t Valentine going for the Soul Sword? Isn’t that what he wants? He’s weak enough for him to take it, to rip it from the magic holding it to Alec’s back. The Soul Sword didn’t even help stop the harpoon, moving by itself, dodging the hit so Alec took the full force of the impact. The instrument was never his, Alec is its _property,_ its _guardian._ Almost as if it’s living, wanting the pain Alec endures, to make sure that the warlock he’s been trying so hard to feel something for is in vain.

Valentine drops to one knee, but he still keeps his chin high as he looks into Alec’s eyes. That’s when he smirks, seeing something Alec himself can feel.

The red of his demonic side, the thing he never wanted to take full control of him again. Even if he tries to close his eyes and wish it away, the strength of it _grows,_ setting fire to his bones. Veins appear around the edges of his eyes, slowly spreading over the surface of his skin as he feels his body go limp.

“There it is!” he sounds so chirpy, yet the scene in front of Valentine is nothing of the sort, “That’s the power I want to see.”

Valentine stands up again, looking to the needle, then to Alec.

“I would just take the sword from you, but those irritating Shadowhunters are really messing with my plans. You aren’t going anywhere and you certainly don’t have the strength to break concrete now, when usually you can rip it like paper,” he laughs wickedly, the sound making every bone in Alec’s spine feel cold, not that he already did.

Alec feels _drained, cold, empty._

He’s losing _everything._

Alec isn’t dying, but he might as well be. Losing the grip on his own body, the darkness claws, thoughts of beaks and crows, _vultures_ biting at his skin, replacing the useless shell with something greater, more powerful.

“No worry Alexander,” he takes a step closer, hands moving to grip Alec’s hair and pull back, exposing Alec’s neck to the air, “I’ll have that small problem fixed once you become what you were meant to be. I guess the angels were too soft when they originally planned this.”

Valentine sighs as he brings the needle towards Alec, taking no time to plunge it straight into his neck.

“Look at me, _always_ fixing the mistakes of the angels. Downworlders, now _this?_ They can’t even make a _demon_ properly.”

Alec has one last breath before he’ll push the end of that needle.

What he wants to say, he can’t even finish, because Valentine doesn’t give him the chance.

_“Ma--“_

Everything he was, everything he wanted to be bleeds away from him as Valentine presses the end of that needle.

Concentrated demon blood, _boiling_ and bubbling, enters Alec’s bloodstream.

The change in his body accelerates, swarming heat capturing his soul, overwhelming power beginning to shift his bones.

Alec’s vision blacks out, but his body still moves, still alive. He’s only lost himself.

All he feels is a void, the Alec on the surface nothing but his appearance, but even that doesn’t last for long.

The previous veins that cover his eyes explode over the surface, completely turning his eyes red, fire simmering over the edges and tickling his eyebrows. Veins spread out from his eyes, red and pulsing, and each time they pulse, a brighter selection of blood illuminates under his skin. Even the Soul Sword changes, pulsing brighter from the once angelic runes, black skin tainting the edges of Alec’s fingertips, seeping up his arms like rivers and stopping at his biceps.

“That’s it… ” Valentine’s whisper is supposed to soothe the air, but all it does is make it uncomfortably tense, even his followers becoming stunned at the sight.

When he explained his plan to them, he never expected it to actually work. Yet it has, and as Valentine steps back, they can all see the results.

The real Swordsman, the one rumoured and not fiction, pinned to a digger -- but not for long.

As soon as every trace of _Alec_ is gone, only the features and build of his frame reminding people of the past, his body begins to move.

Alec’s head slowly tilts to the side, his eyes open and unblinking as they slowly turn black. He grips the head of the harpoon, grunting as he rips it from his chest, the blood following. His face doesn’t show any pain or emotion like before, snapping the weapon in half, letting it fall to the floor with a sharp ringing sound, the wound now clear.

The wound heals so fast, it’s gone in mere _seconds,_ his hand going back to push himself from the digger’s scoop and stand up, one foot at a time. Outside, the sun isn’t so bright anymore, as the mere presence of the greater demon threatens to silence its burn.

Standing, Valentine witnesses the monster he’s just created, or _reborn._ The demon reaches back, gripping the sword and pulling it from the magical sheath to his side with one hand. Blood begins to dry on his chin and neck, his clothes damp and showing the skin of his chest from where the fabric ripped because of the harpoon.

Alec doesn’t move.

He doesn’t even seem to be _breathing._

And then he tilts his head, the sickening grin of a demon’s sins carving his face. It’s not playful, nor laughable –- it’s a smirk that demands people to _fear_ him.

Even Valentine becomes a little stuttered, slowly stepping back, the red slit of Alec’s eyes appearing through the black.

And before he can do anything, Alec vanishes from where he once stood --

A _bang,_ metal screeching -- a bleeding cry of _pain._

Valentine whips his head round to see one of his followers pinned to a car, the Soul Sword directly through his chest with so much power the frame of the car bends inwards. Alec isn’t even looking at him, but over his shoulder, looking at the next target who already starts to quiver.

The gaze of a greater demon, power surging and pulsing through him, the embers of Edom reclaiming the skeleton it’s forged.

Blood runs down the edges of the sword, the runes glittering at the sacrifice at its own hand. Every ounce of the body Valentine looks at is _pure demon._

 _“Swordsman!”_ Only one person could be stupid enough to provoke him, and that was the man who forced the Alec Magnus began to feel for, to be forgotten.

Alec slowly turns his head, slitted eyes soon meeting Valentine’s. Valentine, the world's most wanted supernatural criminal, _quakes_ at the gaze Alec gives him.

A glare that can break the toughest man, forcing them to their knees from the aura that bleeds from Alec’s _raw_ power.

Correcting his posture, removing the hand he placed on the bonnet of the car, Alec keeps looking at Valentine the entire time he plucks the Soul Sword from Valentine’s follower, the body falling limp against the edge of the car before falling forward.

 _“You.”_ Alec’s voice is different, having three parts to it, _echoes._

One echo is the original Alec, the one Magnus enjoys hearing. The second a much deeper, _aggressive_ voice. The third is more growls than coherent words, bouncing off the walls of the warehouse and impacting the front of Valentine’s chest.

Valentine holds his hands in surrender, taking a step back as Alec grips the sword firmer, slowly raising it as he approaches the man.

“I only made you stronger, demon. Whoever you were talking to before made you soft, made you _forget_ what you really are.”

The demon halts, his breath shallow even though he seems fired up. Alec slowly tilts his head to the side, eyes stuck on the person in front of him, the demon hearing him out, but it’s only a mere trick.

“You weren’t doing your job--” Valentine coughs, his skin _sizzling_ from where the demon holds a hand to his neck, Alec pushing him to the concrete pillar, lifting him up so he can barely breathe.

The heat coming from Alec’s skin is almost _unbearable,_ Valentine looking down to see the black veins that taint his skin, smaller veins pulsing with red, the blood in his veins purely demonic.

Valentine tries to pull Alec’s hand away from his throat, managing to force words through his lips to try and save his foolish plan that seemed to be working so far.

“They want to send you back!” that catches Alec’s attention, brows pinching together and slowly moving his head forward to listen closer, “When they catch you, they’ll send you back to _Edom._ Everyone you trust, they’re _lying_ just to get the sword.”

The mention of Edom makes the demon growl, dropping Valentine from the pillar and watching him fall to his knees, gaining his breath back slowly.

 _“Continue.”_ he demands, bringing the tip of the sword to sit between the eyes of Valentine, letting him see the end if he dares to challenge more.

Valentine didn’t expect such a human side to the demon once it surfaced. It’s always been there, but Alec was always the one to control it, warp it to his own use, only using the demon side to protect himself and feed. He doesn’t know who _Alec_ is, nor does he know the difference between this Alec and the Alec Magnus is falling for.

“Shadowhunters –- they summoned you to take the sword from you,” he hears Alec laughing, talking through it as the demon chuckles between clenched teeth.

“You were made to protect the sword, isn’t that why they clipped your _wings?”_ Valentine can see the red of Alec’s eyes, the slit glowing brighter the more he continues to talk about what he’s lost, “You _lost_ your runes --”

The end of the sword slams into the ground to stop him, veins of red power spreading through the concrete from the impact zone.

Valentine takes the opportunity to smirk to himself, seeing the remainder of Alec that clings to the edges of his soul slowly fading.

“Don’t you want revenge?” silence, so Valentine keeps going, to drive that nail deeper, “Take out the _only_ way they can send you back, and you’re free.”

The demon slowly lifts the sword from where it impacted the ground, tilting his head and lifting his chin, obviously interested in what Valentine is going to say.

_“Magnus Bane.”_

At first, the demon doesn’t react at all to that name, but then he lifts the sword, higher and higher until he sheathes it on his back. Valentine can _finally_ take a deep breath, the demon turning around and heading towards the exit, the sunset framing his body and creating a silhouette in the process.

One of his followers stands up from behind a wrecked car, looking to the door where the demon disappeared, and then to his leader.

Valentine grins from ear to ear, slowly standing up as he feels his plan working. It’s not gone the exact way he planned, but he’s exploited every weakness he expected to be there.

“Sir, what did you do?” the follower asks, still behind the cover of the car after he saw his friend fall to the ground.

“I simply fixed some loose ends. He depends on his humanity, and he wants it more than he realises,” standing up, Valentine brushes himself down, “When he fell, he became a demon but kept his personality from before, meaning he has the power of a demon and the heart of a monster somewhere inside of him. All I did was simply do a bit of  _rewiring.”_

The follower seems to understand, finally coming out from his hiding spot.

“As soon as that damn _warlock_ is dealt with, there'll be no way for the Institute here to find me, since no warlock matches Bane’s power. And, if he clears out the other nuisances we have following our backs, our plan will be full steam ahead.”

“And… what about the Soul Sword?”

“Ah, that’s the beauty of it. You see,” he begins to walk over to him, psychotic glee still on his face, “I used that blood to make him forget his humanity, but we’ll trick him into bringing the old Alec back, if it isn’t too late, that is. When he’s vulnerable, we’ll offer his past in exchange for the Soul Sword, and without that instrument protecting him, he’ll only have his demonic powers to protect him, and we’ll use his own weapon against him.”

By the time Valentine finished speaking, he’s gripping his followers collar, the man moving his head back to get away from him.

“So he clears out the enemies that are our biggest weakness, then we use the instruments to destroy him while he’s exhausted from the use of his demon side?”

Valentine slowly nods, the follower not being totally convinced the demon would just hand over the instrument in exchange for his past.

“And the most funny part?”

_“Is…?”_

“I don’t know his past. It’s rumours. We’ll simply bait him,” letting the man go, Valentine laughs, clicking his tongue from his own hectic amusement. Swirling around, almost dancing, he heads to the middle of the warehouse to wait for the demon to return, “Dumb demons, they’re all the same. As soon as they find out someone they trusted betrayed them, they won’t believe anything else. So _blind,_ but so _helpful_ to my plans.” Valentine gestures to the area around them, ordering his followers to prepare for the demons return once his job is complete.

 

\- - - - -

Magnus approaches Isabelle as quick as he can, mind plagued by grief and worry. She’s inspecting notes in the busy main hall of the ops centre when she spots Magnus, smiling at him. But it soon fades, noticing how shaken and panicked Magnus looks.

“Magnus? Are you alright?” she slowly closes the notes, giving her full attention to the warlock.

“I need your help,” Magnus looks around frantically to make sure no one’s listening, “and you have to _promise_ me you won’t tell anyone.”

Isabelle doesn’t have the slightest idea of what Magnus is up to, but her gut instincts tell her to follow the warlock. She needs to find out why a man so usually collected and calm seems to be breathing harder than normal.

“Sure, this way,” Magnus breathes a quick thanks, eagerly following Isabelle as they walk to an office where they can talk in private.

Isabelle leans against the desk as Magnus closes the door, sealing it with a ward and spreading a soundproof one up and down the walls of the office. She suspects Magnus must be doing something against the accords if he's going this far to protect what they say.

“Are you in trouble?” inquires Isabelle, crossing her arms against her chest, hair tied up in a messy bun.

“Not me,” Magnus began, placing himself in the middle of the room so he can talk to the Shadowhunter face to face, “Someone else.”

She shrugs her shoulders, gesturing for him to continue.

This is either where he gets arrested, or he gains an ally in his efforts to try and help Alec become the person he wants to be, not what people perceive him to be.

“The Swordsman, he’s in trouble,” Magnus watches as Isabelle slowly begins to frown, catching on quickly and waiting for him to continue, “He hasn’t responded to my –-  _ah,_ wait, I should probably explain something first.”

“Go on.” a quick response, Magnus having to take a deep breath.

“I considered your offer about befriending him and trying to get the Soul Sword that way, but it didn’t _exactly_ go to plan,” Isabelle keeps the same face, waiting to hear the full story before she judges anything, “and while you were in the room the day you offered that very plan, he was there, waiting for you to leave so he could speak to me and make a deal.”

“You didn’t sell your soul to him, _did you?”_

“I might as well have.” Magnus sighs, pinching his nose as Isabelle widens her eyes.

 _“What?!”_ Using her lower back, she pushes herself away from the desk, stepping closer to Magnus, “What do you _mean?”_

“I struck a deal with him. I said I'd help him escape and let him live a free life if he helps capture Valentine. I see something in him, Isabelle --  _humanity._ He’s just like me, just _lost,_ Alec is nothing like the rumours or what the Clave say he is.”

She’s lost for words, especially when he mentions his _name._

“So, you know his name too?” if the demon - or _Alec -_ hasn’t turned his back on Magnus yet, even if it’s been _weeks_ and he cares about him that much. Then maybe he’s right, because Magnus doesn't ask for help for just anyone, “Tell me everything I need to know.”

Magnus is glad she’s willing to hear him out, not simply rushing to the authority of the Institute to call out a traitor. Thank the _heavens_ he trusted this Shadowhunter and not the others, since Isabelle truly does seem to care. She cares about the world, not just her duty to the angels above, and her strong heart is a force to be reckoned with.

But is also might be her biggest weakness.

“Alec is _learning,_ he’s learning to be something other than a demon. Isabelle, he told me he was happy the other day, I could feel him  _smiling_ from wherever he was. I have his number, we’ve had dinner together,” that makes Isabelle part her lips slightly in shock, holding her breath, “and I think I’m falling for him.”

“Magnus, he’s a _demon.”_

 _“I know_ \-- but he’s more than just a demon, Isabelle. He’s something I’m _missing._ I _need_ him, more and more every day.”

Isabelle’s about to give up on this, but the sincerity in the warlock’s eyes give her nothing but honesty. He’s telling the truth, and having him admit that brings a sinking feeling for Isabelle. Magnus is usually strong, willing to battle through his emotions to remain the cool and collected High Warlock everyone sees him as –- but _this,_ it’s shaking him to the core.

Whatever Alec is to Magnus, it’s enough to have him risking _everything._ His High Warlock status, his freedom, his _legacy._ All of it on the line because of one demon and the belief to try and fix what might be forever broken.

“Valentine’s summoned him. So this doesn’t only affect me, it affects you too.”

“How can you be sure?” she unfolds her arms, keeping her eyes locked to the warlock.

He rubs his thumb and forefinger together, trying to battle the words he wants to say and the words he doesn't.

“He hasn’t responded to any way I can contact him. Alec’s disappeared, _gone._ Isabelle, ever since I smiled at him he’s never left my side, even if he isn't physically there, he’s texted me or sent some sort of gift to let me know he is. Silence has never been his answer, it never would be.”

Isabelle can’t believe she’s hearing this. However, this _is_ Magnus, the most famous warlock for miles and miles, practically to _everyone_ in the Shadow World. Why on earth would he lie to Isabelle? A trained Shadowhunter can read body language, to find the shifts in their behaviour and the way they punctuate their words, lies and truths written in their expressions.

Magnus is telling the truth. He’s desperately waiting for an answer from her, face somewhat angered, but also worried. A man he's enjoying time with, smiling, laughing and becoming happier with –- is  _missing._

No -- he isn’t missing, he’s in _danger._

 _“Okay,”_ she sighs, closing her eyes for a few seconds before opening them again, “What do you want me to do?”

Parting his lips, the words that plan to come out halt when the alarm of the Institute sounds. That alarm _never_ means good news in this line of work.

They give one knowing glance to each other, running out the office a few seconds later, past Magnus’ wards and towards the main operations centre where red lights flash, wiping like a paint brush across the walls as they spin round and round.

“What’s happening?” Isabelle’s tone demands answers, slowing down as she reaches the side of another Shadowhunter who watches the board.

“It’s the Swordsman, he’s entered our district and roaming the streets, heading in a singular direction.”

“To where?”

“We don’t know, he’s just heading down a main road,” the warrior points to the screen with his pen, a red dot moving slowly down a bird’s eye view of New York, the buildings outlined in white, important landmarks being labelled with small font, “who knows where he’s going, the only other buildings in that direction are Magnus Bane’s apartment and the Jade Wolf further down.”

Isabelle is about to turn around and talk to Magnus, but the remains of his portal are already simmering out.

 _“Bane,”_ she curses between her teeth, whirling back around, “Everyone to battle positions, we might have a demon to put down soon. Head to the Jade Wolf, he might be sending the demon after his old parabatai.”

But she hopes they don’t. She hopes Magnus is right, because if there’s a chance they can avoid this demon mess and live on peacefully, then she’ll take it. The Clave won’t stop until he’s captured, but if he simply just disappears, then there'll be no war, no Soul Sword to fight for.

Isabelle _does_ have a worrying thought -- that if Valentine summoned him, then maybe Magnus is already too late to save him.

 

\- - - - -

Magnus steps into his apartment through the portal, hands already raised, ignited with magic that snakes around his fingertips. Red and orange sparks flicker and morph at his command, ready to face whatever waits for him in the darkness of his apartment.

Keeping one hand alive with magic, he lowers the other to check through his pocket and fish out his phone.

_Nothing._

Alec is coming here, he knows it.

Magnus _wants_ to believe it.

No text means that the Alec coming for his apartment isn’t the Alec he’s come to know, but _something_ else. Magnus doesn’t know what to expect, especially since Valentine is rumoured to be collecting demon blood.

Maybe he’s trying to corrupt Alec, or use the blood to summon him and then try to remove the sword that way. Perhaps that’s why he can be tracked by the Shadowhunters now, not letting Alec keep hold of his defences. If he’s no longer with the sword, that can probably change the outcome of his powers, but surely Alec’s already embedded with those powers even without the Soul Sword.

Magnus doesn’t want to see him lost or broken, crawling back to Magnus in hopes he’ll save him before the Shadowhunters find him. Whatever the outcome, he’s preparing for an Alec he doesn’t know or want to see.

This will be an Alec he’s _afraid_ of, the Alec they’ve been trying to keep at _bay --_

The _demon_ inside, the vultures that will crawl out his chest and _consume._

He’s frightened that Alec won't remember him, that everything they’ve done together over the past few weeks will simply be dust, forgotten memories. From dinner, to texting -- and that _kiss._ It only happened yesterday, but Valentine is sickeningly smart to not leave a loophole in his plans.

Worst of all, he can’t defend himself.

It’s not that he’s not powerful, he just doesn’t _want_ to.

If he attacks Alec, he’ll be destroying the only chance of getting him back if he’s truly gone. Demon blooded or not, Magnus is going to give him one last chance to prove himself, to prove he can come back from the deepest prison of his own mind.

Magnus still holds his phone out as he scans around the apartment, soon buzzing with a text from Isabelle that he originally hoped would be Alec’s name. They exchanged numbers after she interrupted their noodles, not that Isabelle _knows_ that, but Magnus made sure it wouldn’t happen again.

 

**_ISABELLE:_ **

_[He’s gone from our radar, be careful Magnus. Whatever you’re planning, don’t endanger your own life to save a demon.]_

 

Magnus laughs to himself, because it’s pretty much too late for that anyway. As soon as he agreed to help Alec, he practically sold his soul to the devil.

Does he regret it?

No, he doesn’t. To be frank, he doesn’t think he ever will.

Not if that smile on Alec’s face is something to remember, the pure joy when Magnus makes a joke or helps him cut an awkwardly shaped potato -– _that_ is the Alec he wants to save.

Demon blood will always be with Alec, there’s no doubt, so Magnus will learn to accept every part of him, as Alec will learn to accept every part of Magnus. Perfections and flaws, they have to be equally adored to feel like you’re loved as a whole, not just the best parts.

Putting his phone away, he quickly recovers the magic on that hand, holding it up to join the other one as his mind begins to go through possible scenarios.

If Alec is gone from the radar, then that must mean he’s inside of Magnus’ wards, since he’d rigged them to let Alec in. They are wards that prevent Shadowhunter tracking, specifically rewired to hide Alec’s demonic signature.

He’s _here_ \- walking through the wards, darkness clinging to the magic that only wants to protect him.

Dread bleeds into Magnus bones, not ready to face him, not ready to face _himself_ and what decisions he’ll have to make.

Magnus could be dead in a matter of seconds simply because he doesn't want to fight back, doesn’t want to fight the Alec he knows is still there.

He can hear shuffling shoes, the heavy drag of a body that oozes power but not enough to control how it walks.

Lights blow, sinking the apartment into darkness, only the moonlight of the approaching night crawling through the windows to witness the scene. The magic illuminating Magnus’ hands doesn’t produce enough light for him to see, the red light of a demon creeping past beside him on the wall and then disappearing.

Magnus turns around, and that’s when he sees _him,_ cold air ricketing down his spine in waves.

Legs slightly parted, eyes completely black, he’s _lifeless_ with just that small amount of red breaking through the void. Blood stains his shirt from the harpoon, Magnus feeling himself shiver at the crimson that spills from his lips, clinging to his neck. The Soul Sword was pulses on his back, obviously seeking out his target that he’s just found. He’s been watching Magnus this whole time, the _demon in the dark._

The Alec that smiles, laughs, _breathes_ – is _gone._

But he’ll risk his own damn life to try, to try and bring that Alec back. Magnus _wants_ him back, and he _never_ wants him to leave again.

"Alec... ?"

No response. _Silence._

“Alec, this isn’t you,” Magnus chokes out his words, struggling to start and failing to stay calm when the images of Alec before are so drastically different to the one he’s staring at right now, “I know you’re in there somewhere. You have to _fight.”_

The demon takes one step forward, angling his head forward so the black of his eyes mixes with his eyelashes, the red slit cut by them too.

“Remember that time you went to Hawaii? And you brought me back those coconuts?” the demon doesn’t take his next step, blinking once.

It’s working, _somehow._ Alec is fighting somewhere, deep down.

“You stayed the night,” he begins walking again, Magnus taking steps back with his hands still raised, magic gently coating the surface of his skin, “I gave you that blanket, you used it when you stayed over.”

Alec moves his head the opposite way now, reaching up for the Soul Sword that’s held behind him. The sound of metal against metal echoes through the apartment, the darkness of the apartment only illuminated by the pulsing of the Soul Sword as he brings it down. His hand clenches around it, Magnus watching as the black veins travel around his hand, coating his skin in demonic ash, stopping just at his elbows where his jacket sleeves have been rolled up.

The areas around Alec’s face, like his cheek that Magnus once brushed with his thumb becomes illuminated by red from his eyes, dried blood still present on his skin that makes Magnus wonder how much pain Alec went through during the transformation.

How much pain does he still _endure?_

“We ate noodles once, and we drank wine together. I told you at some point in my life I’d like to visit the places I haven’t,” Magnus’ breathing settles, but he’s shaking on the inside, “I thought that one day I could go with _you,_ since that’s what you want. Isn’t it?”

At the question, Alec halts three steps away from Magnus as his back hits the wall.

There’s no escaping now.

Magnus will break through, or he’ll _crumble._

It’s either extinguish the evil in front of him, or wait until the very last second to try and pull the Alec he knows back into his arms. By then, it’ll be too late to save himself.

So will he save himself, or Alec?

“I promised you I’d help you. We made a deal,” Alec takes one more step, slowly lifting his head, eyes never leaving Magnus or blinking, “We’re helping each other, you’ll be free.”

Another step closer.

There’s one left, and then Magnus will be face to face with the side of Alec he never hoped to see once he summoned him.

“Alec, _please,”_ Magnus can feel every ounce of skin _crawl_ at the presence of such a powerful demon, especially one he’s grown feelings for, but this is no adrenaline, this is genuine _fear,_ “I know you’re there. _Please,_ _you’re stronger than this --“_

And Alec takes that final step, the sword lifting beside him.

He has _seconds_ to save himself before the Soul Sword will be the last thing he feels.

Magnus has made his choice.

“I’m not begging you to fight, you already are, I _know_ you are,” the magic that coats his hands fizzles out, arms falling to his sides, “I’m not going to fight you, because I’ve made my decision, I’ll never hurt you. Everyone else has already _hurt you enough.”_

The demon doesn’t seem to hear him, the sword gently moving back as Alec’s hand grips the hilt tighter. Stepping one leg back, Alec only has to move _once_ to strike that sword through Magnus’ chest.

But he’s shaking, the hand holding the sword quivering and struggling to keep it steady as the blade quivers.

Alec is breaking through, reaching out in small little ways.

Magnus has to risk _everything_ or _nothing at all._

Reaching his hands forwards, Magnus slowly cups each side of his face, just like he did on that night.

That touch slowly makes Alec loosen his grip on the sword, shaking but never letting go of the instrument. He still isn’t blinking, and he still frowns and looks lifeless, but he’s getting through to Alec, _one step at a time._

Just like the night with the noodles, Magnus gently brushes his thumb along his right cheek, just under his eyes where the skin now feels hot. Alec’s eyes radiate so much heat, the blood beneath his skin fueling each little spark that dances across the surface of his eyes.

“Alec, _I’m here,”_ Magnus’ voice is so quiet he almost doesn’t speak it, emotions gripping his throat, tears pooling at the backs of his eyes.

He won’t cry, not yet.

He has to be strong for Alec, to let him know he's not alone. _Never again._  

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you from this, but I promise, this won’t happen again,” Magnus desperately searches for something to shift in Alec’s expression, _“Please, Alec,_ you have to _fight.”_

On the palms of his hands, Magnus can feel Alec’s jaw that was previously clenched, relax. The creases in his brow begin to move, twitching. Alec is slowly coming back to him, but it’s still a struggle with the demon blood _roaring_ through his veins. That very blood is trying to contain the side of Alec that wants to be in control again, the _real Alec._

Tension taut like a string, ready to _snap,_ darkness closes in as time counts down.

The demonic side struggles to keep a grip on Alec’s mind, and at any point, the demon could finish what he’s been set to do. He needs to stop his only way back to that hell, the only way back to the _torment_ of those embers. In a mere second of control, that sword could end up in Magnus, pinning him to his own apartment wall.

But Magnus hopes, he’s _praying_ with every little ounce of light he has left that these memories with Alec help bring him back. Even if they’re buried deep down in his soul, Magnus hopes his hands, his words, his small smile will create that ladder for Alec to climb up. When he reaches the top, Magnus will be there, to take hold of his hand pull him from the void.

“I’m here for you,” Magnus struggles to speak, feeling his own hands shaking at the darkness that slowly grips his heart, “Be here for _me,_ Alec. _Don’t leave me, not yet.”_

For centuries his heart has longed for somewhere to belong, and finally, Magnus has found it -- the _hope_ of somewhere to belong. Ragnor always said to him love will find itself in strange ways, but in all his years, Magnus never imagined _this._

A _demon,_ reaching his hand forward and pushing him to the wall, bringing the sword backwards as he becomes ready it to move forward.

It’s not love, not yet. But it could be, eventually. Magnus wouldn’t be doing this if didn’t feel so drawn, like he’s going to lose him all over again.

Magnus keeps his hands on his face, hoping that the hold will make Alec _feel,_ to remember what he had before and what he can become if he fights for it. Alec _has_ to fight, for Magnus _and_ for himself.

It’s not the end, but it’s closing in on them. Each frightened breath Magnus takes could be his last, and _this_ Alec could be the last he’ll ever see. He doesn’t want that, he doesn’t want to see this demonic version of him.

So Magnus closes his eyes, completely knowing the Soul Sword is still there, aimed at his chest as one of Alec’s hands grips his shirt, holding him still. This is the image that haunts his mind, a very real reality that he doesn’t want to see as his last. Honestly, he hasn’t thought of what he wants to see as his last, because there hasn’t been a day where he’s been close. He never imagined to go this way, to the point where he has to remember the most important moments of his life, searching through centuries of the good and the bad.

Old lovers come to mind, but they quickly fade. Ragnor and Catarina become a shining light, but there’s something else trying to break through.

The Alec he met on summoning day, the one that smirked and promised he wasn’t a killer. Magnus finds that hard to believe now, but when he said it, that isn’t the Alec in front of him if he opens his eyes. They remain shut, holding back whatever emotions are pushing him forward. If Alec’s going to have a chance, he’ll have to be the Magnus that’s strong, the one that has the witty laugh and the elegance as he walks.

One image remains --

 _Alec,_ and he’s smiling, eyes downcast after a joke Magnus said in the kitchen, his lashes curled against his cheeks, almost like blinds on a window to block out the sun in the morning. His hands are peeling a carrot gently, not with the fury he could see a few seconds ago. Alec looks human in that memory, he looks _happy._

Magnus smiles, remembering the man he’s come to be so interested in, even when Alec’s the man he wanted to run away from, to escape false hope. 

How long will they stand here? It’s either the demon mocking him, or Alec forcing himself through, trying to take back what _he_ wants, not the angels.

When Magnus watches the image of Alec fade, the bang of an object hitting another, his heart stops.

Magnus feels no pain, but he feels a dread that if he opens his eyes and looks down, he’ll meet with an ending he never wanted. The sword, through his chest, leaving him breathless and hopeless -- that’s what he fears.

But Magnus feels no pain.

He only hears someone’s breathing, the parting of dry lips as they’ve been stuck together for a while. Then a swallow, a _breath._

_“Ma --”_

Whoever’s voice that was, it’s cut off by having to breathe sharply.

Something pierces Magnus then, but it isn’t the sword. It’s Alec’s _voice,_ scared and _frightened._

Not hearing the sword fall to the floor, Magnus doesn’t believe it’s over, but he feels the way Alec’s jaw doesn’t clench anymore.

He doesn’t want to open his eyes. Magnus doesn’t want to be fooled in hoping to see that smile, those crinkles at the corner of Alec’s eyes only to see it mould into something sinister, sharp teeth and a demonic gaze that sinks his soul back to Edom.

_“Magnus…”_

Another call, but this time he knows the voice. It’s changed, sounding lost, shaky, _terrified._

Magnus dares himself to open his eyes, to give himself one last chance to see Alec again --

And when he does, his heart has never kicked so fast in years.

It’s when every emotion Magnus holds back begins to break, tears falling from his eyes as he holds Alec’s face just that bit tighter, because it's Alec. It’s the man he begged to come back.

Hazel shards, dull in life but slowly revealing from the black that once covered them. He’s crying, small tears falling from the middle of his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and touching Magnus’ thumbs as the warlock wipes them away.

Magnus moves his thumbs to the side of Alec’s eyes, rubbing his temples, feeling the veins that once elevated his skin slowly shrink, returning to the soft skin Magnus felt before.

Even if they can’t see each other from the blur of tears, they can tell from their silence that they’re both safe. Tired, broken, but _safe._

Alec, at the very last second broke through, turning the Soul Sword and letting it plunge halfway through the wall just under Magnus’ armpit. It was close, but it’s all he could do to save Magnus.

 _“Magnus,_ I -- I’m _so sorry,”_ words bubble from Alec’s lips, slowly shaking his head in disbelief that he almost slayed the man in front of him, the only man that believed in him to change.

Yet here he is, destroying that effort, losing any chance Magnus will give him to change. There’s absolutely no way that after this, Magnus will still trust him.

Alec’s wrong. He’s _so wrong._

“I couldn’t stop it Magnus,” he lets his head droop, Magnus lifting it up with his hands as he feels Alec’s hand clench his shirt in pain, “I almost _killed you_ – I – _I can’t --”_

 _“No,”_ Magnus finally has the air to speak, bringing his head forward slowly, letting their foreheads touch gently, “This _isn’t_ your fault. It never was and _never_ will be.”

Alec closes his eyes, gritting his teeth as he feels another tear fall down his cheek. Magnus, once again, wipes it away with a waiting thumb.

The hand that’s still on the sword falls to Alec’s side, twitching as he doesn’t know what to do with it. Alec wants to run away as far as he can, he wants to be so far that Magnus will never feel this fear if it happens again. Alec can’t bear to think that if the next time this happens, when he snaps out of it, he’ll be staring at the life draining from Magnus’ eyes.

That almost happened, and he can’t face it.

“I _failed_ you, even after what you _told_ me --“

“Alec, _please,”_ Magnus chuckles, but it’s more like a broken sob, “People make mistakes. It’s what makes you _human.”_

 _Human._ That word seems so far away from Alec’s grasp now, making Alec hold his breath, his tears forcing their way forward as he slowly opens his eyes.

Alec loses his next breath, greeted by light, staring at golden shards that are a combination of orange and small splatters of red. But they’re whole, beautiful, _bright_ \-- and Alec can’t see anything else. Such a bright gold illuminates Alec’s face, their foreheads still touching.

Magnus can see the hazel in Alec’s eyes shine with the light from his warlock mark. He brings light to Alec’s life, as Alec brings Magnus the hope he needs, and it may even spark the love he dreams.

Gold, it’s a beacon of strength from Magnus. It holds his power, his personality, rich and full of life. It’s also a beacon of safety, that someone _wants_ to save him.

“We’re not so different, you and I,” Magnus smiles, for once showing his cat eyes without the fear of someone finding him disgusting, “You’re not a monster, and neither am I. It took time for me to believe that, and sometimes I still think I am. But we have _time,_  we have _each other.”_

The gold soon fades, Alec’s right hand coming up to take Magnus’ left wrist, the other remaining on his shirt, but the grip loosens.

“I’m never giving up on you, Alec,” he closes his eyes for one moment, Alec watching as his face become calm. Magnus isn’t going to force this, “Don’t give up on _me.”_

Everything Alec wants to believe in, to fight for -- it all revolves around Magnus. He’s taught him to see a different side of life, away from the supernatural and enjoy the world as it is. _Living._

It’s never going to be easy to accept the fact he’s never truly human, but that one weakness Valentine exploited is going to be his strongest element going forward.

Alec will learn to _be_ with Magnus. He’s never truly seen the demonic side to Magnus, only what years of pain and heartbreak have done to him, to protect himself from endangering his heart once more. Magnus wants nothing more than to rip those walls down he’s made for himself, to let Alec in, because nothing feels real without him anymore. Not if Alec’s there to remind him there’s something other than his day job and his people to fight for.

He’s always wanted a sun, and as bleak and dark as Alec’s heart is now, he’ll learn with him to make it stronger, to glow brighter and burn for itself.

Magnus moves his hands to the back of his neck, taking a moment to just _breathe._

Alec is here, _safe,_ away from Valentine and no longer under whatever spell he’d cursed him with.

Alec breathes deeply, giving in, giving himself one last chance. If Magnus is willing to risk his life to give him that chance, then Alec will take it and never let it go.

He won’t leave him again.

Bringing his arms around his waist, looking at the brown of Magnus’ eyes one last time, Alec pulls him slowly into a hug. Closing his eyes, sinking his head to fit into Magnus’ neck, Alec feels the pulse of Magnus’ heartbeat on his lips. Magnus hugs round his shoulders, slowly rocking them both as they embrace in safety.

Magnus can feel something shift on Alec’s body, the glamour hiding his past scars and secrets falling to the ground. He doesn’t want to hide anymore, he doesn’t have the energy to. Alec wants to embrace every part of himself and learn to love it, just like Magnus does.

Every flaw, every scar, every _tear --_ Magnus will learn to love it, because it’s Alec.

Magnus loves as a whole, not fragments.

For once, Magnus’ heart doesn’t feel so broken despite what happened, the fragments that fell before loosening the pain that threatens to cut him. He’s healing with Alec around, seeing a dream become a reality.

Alone is an emotion Alec felt before, but now it’s gone, replaced by something else entirely, multiple emotions he never knew he wanted or needed. Alec feels safety, warmth, _belonging._ But most of all, he feels like he’s _home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see you next update! i think a good talk is next on the table for these two.
> 
> thanks for your continued support, it means the world. :') thank you for all the threads and comments on twitter/here, some of them really make me laugh and it's so nice to see people enjoying this fic!


	6. The Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a poll on twitter that decided a little thing that happens in this chapter. :') I'll reveal what it is at the end to avoid spoilers!
> 
> Enjoy! Thank you for your continued support. <3 I love you all!
> 
> if you want music in the background, anything soft or chill will do for this one!
> 
> #ODSfic

Magnus had various outcomes for this day, holding Alec in his arms not being one of them. He expected pain at his own demise, or the Shadowhunters hunting down the crazed, bloodthirsty Alec. Everything might have been different, yet fate decided on an outcome that brought a sense of peace, even if just for a moment.

Safety. Warmth. Alec’s hands holding his waist, keeping him impossibly close, head tucked into his neck and breathing Magnus in. Magnus can feel the warmth of the demon blood, lips near his skin, ghostly breaths that roll like ocean waves reaching across a golden beach. It's a small haven, the aftermath of an event that could've had many heartwrenching outcomes.

Does Magnus feel guilt or anger? There's a possibility of both, because he doesn’t want to think of Alec’s face if he'd plunged that sword through his chest and not the wall. He doesn't want to see the image of Alec crying out, a Seraph Blade driving itself into the core of his chest, condemning him to ash and returning to Edom.

Magnus realises then and there, for some odd, lingering reason, that he can’t live without him anymore.

His arms clutch tighter around Alec, inhale stuttering as tears slow their fall. That outcome, an outcome where Alec doesn’t exist, where Alec isn’t holding him like he never wants to let go -- it's something he never wants to picture again.

Bringing his head down, Alec looks up slowly, the tip of his nose gently brushing Magnus’ cheek and feeling the trails of his crystal tears. There's no rush to leave the embrace, but they have no time. Valentine is waiting for Alec to return with blood on his hands, and the Shadowhunters are finally doing their job of hunting Alec's shadow.

Yet when Alec moves his forehead so it's resting against Magnus’ again, losing himself in those hazel shards he's become so accustomed too -- he'd wait an eternity.

Everything about Alec, he'll wait for. From the smiles to the very presence of him by his side, he’ll wait. Why? Because good things are always worth waiting for, and Alec is one of them, no matter how confusing this situation is. Magnus doesn’t realise himself at how much his body curls into him, Alec holding him back with the same tenderness. 

His thumbs are pressing hard enough to leave a slight bruise, but not too soft that he treats Magnus like a fragile object. Alec knows he's not, understanding how powerful and divine the man in front of him actually is. But despite that, Alec is still afraid of Magnus slipping through his fingers like the ash a flame creates. Edom’s embers are eternal, and if Alec is going to spend his immortal life with Magnus Bane, then those fires will burn for Magnus and Magnus _only._

There's so much simmering passion between them, but they just don't know what to do with it, like the purpose is lost somewhere. Magnus can feel it, want it, but when he looks at Alec and those hazel eyes, he feels like something is missing, something he should know.

It's confusing, irritating to not know these things straight away. Magnus is comfortably aware that knowledge comes from patience and practice, but Alec is this puzzle he can't even begin to solve because time is moving so _quick._ This is all new to Magnus, even after knowing the Shadow World like the back of his hand. Some things are never meant to be told, and some things are never meant to be solved.

Maybe Alec is one of them.

Feeling the heavy air between breaths, Alec becomes aware of how much he's walking a thin line between pushing and pulling. He can feel that there's something more between them, a wamrth that can melt the coldest ice, a fever that has your body sweating and crying for the cure.

Magnus is the cure, or at least that's what Alec believes. None of this humanity he feels would be here witbout Magnus stepping in, agreeing to help him, spending  _time_ with him. And he can feel his heart beginning to thump more, feeling  _alive_  as he tils his head, Magnus closing his eyes.

Adrenaline, relief, love. All three present in their thoughts.

Adrenaline is the foundation, the end result of what just happened, a subtle taste of an end that neither of them want. It pulls them together, silent promises between breaths that they'll never do this again, that Alec will never make Magnus cry again, nor feel that fear of staring at your proposed end. Alec never wants to feel that fear of losing control, or to see that void coat his vision again, leaving him mentally reaching out for someone to save him.

Relief, the steady breaths and the shaky ones as tears settle. The sadness is over, replaced by a calming tone, still with a hint of uncertainty to what they do next. Magnus wanted nothing more than for this to be over the second he saw the first tear fall from Alec’s eye. Alec's relieved that he didn’t allow his demonic nature to rule him, to let the embers mould him and string him like a puppet for an evil he never wanted to be in the first place. If Alec had opened his eyes to Magnus with no soul, he would've let the flames claim him, to punish him for a crime he’d never be free from. Not only would that freedom be taken, he would have taken the only love he’s ever wanted.

Love. It's never a question of too early, just _when._ They both feel it, skittering over the skin of their arms, goosebumps prickling at the tension pulling them closer. He's experienced burning passion before, but it always burns out before Magnus can truly grasp it himself. Alec, though, is a different feeling entirely. Not only does he feel warm, but he feels a constant pulse, another heartbeat that wants to tune with his, to become entwined with. Love may be the hardest word to say, but it's not a problem for their hands, their eyes, or their hearts to say.

But he can't love Magnus, he doesn't know how. Time and fate isn't on their side, and what he feels might be his demonic powers reaching out, wanting to corrupt, take and take until there's nothing left. Alec won't risk hurting him again, and even though his heart  _twists_ at the thought of letting go, he must.

Alec walks backwards a few steps, Magnus following, afraid of the cold if he lets him go. The greater demon ignores the Soul Sword, leaving it embedded in the wall, his entire focus on the warlock who's slowly moving his fingertips to the pulse he can feel on Alec's neck.

His hair is soft, just long enough for Magnus to grab when Alec pushes him against another wall, Magnus closed in, but it does nothing other than confuse this fight and flight feeling in his gut. Alec seems to be the same, mixed with emotion, hands moving up from his waist to rub Magnus' back, comforting him and making sure he's okay before moving them back down to his waist again. This time, his thumbs aren’t so rough, sinking into the thoughts that start to replay over and over.

_“I’m sorry.”_

Again, an apology. It's quiet, unsure if to say it once more, but wanting too. Magnus smiles, the previous moisture from tears making his eyes shine, hazel reflecting back at him.

“Apologies only go so far, Alec,” Magnus runs one hand up the back of Alec’s head, Alec closing his eyes in a moment of regret, “Especially when they’re not needed in the first place.”

After a few seconds, Alec opens his eyes to Magnus frowning, the hand previously going up his head moving down, curving down the side of his face and eventually leaving one finger that hooks the bottom of his chin. His black nail polish looks even darker in the apartment, the lights still off.

Magnus moves Alec closer, the control over his head from that one finger giving him that small kick of power. He’d been on the verge of death, yet knowing he was right in his decision to let Alec fight has him yearning to savour that victory. It's both their trophy to hold, defeating an enemy that threatened to rip them apart from the inside.

“Magnus, I promise, I’ll --“

Feeling a fingertip against his lips, Alec lets the words fall dead on his tongue. He looks down to the finger that previously held his chin, a small smirk tugging at Magnus’ lips.

“You know, for a demon who’s meant to be good at words and mischief, you really struggle.”

Alec is always the one to stand like a soldier, even though his shoulders have that slouched confidence, muscles tuned and ready to strike when force is needed. Now, Magnus is changing him for the better, and there's no need to act like the tough guy or defend his insecurities. It's not that he can anyway, as Magnus makes him melt and warp to his silky words, capturing him in a web.

Even after what just happened, Magnus is still trying to put a smile on his face. Even when Alec's still covered in his own blood, some on the front of Magnus’ shirt from when he gripped him.

“I’m the one that’s meant to be making jokes in odd situations, Magnus,” Alec smiles, finally, Magnus feeling a lot better now Alec isn’t kicking himself for Valentine’s greed, “You’re impossible."

Their heads slot together, noses and foreheads, looking into each other’s eyes to find the secrets that lay behind them. But there aren't any, because they still have a long way to go before they understand each other.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Magnus scrunches his nose, gently moving it against Alec’s. Alec doesn't move.

It's almost as if he isn’t registering what happened, that he doesn’t want to remember at all, yet the evidence of it becomes clear all around them, including Alec. He sighs, hugging his arms completely around Magnus’ waist.

“I have to go stop Valentine.” Alec’s voice is just a whisper, reluctance of leaving Magnus heavy on his mind.

Not just Magnus, but Alec too feels the impending cold as soon as they let go. He's right, but not necessarily correct in every sense. Yes, they have to go capture him now they know where he is, but Alec's weak, his limbs tight around Magnus but becoming heavier. Alec’s eyes are drooping, closing them to rest them as he tries to stay as calm as possible -- if that even _is_ possible with the power thrumming through his veins. One wrong emotion, and the blood pumping through him will turn against him again.

He can feel it now, actually, the hatred and revenge towards Valentine, the man who almost took his dream away. Alec didn’t necessarily have one before, but now he does.

Magnus is becoming much more than a business deal. He's becoming a _saviour._

Just holding Magnus eases the embers in his bones. While the demonic urge wants Alec to storm out the apartment, to find the man who threatened the only light he's ever had, Magnus’ hold is pulling him back. He calms him, breathing him in and making sure he's okay. Not only that, but he _wants_ to be here, to stay here for as long as he can. For as long as Magnus will allow, he’ll stay by his side.

The man who that's saved him, _twice._

“No, you don’t.” Magnus replies, holding his jaw and keeping the other on the back of his neck.

“I do.”

“No, you don’t. We have time to plan and you have time to recover,” He strokes his thumb gently over his cheek, fingernails a gentle scratch when he curls his hand one more time, “I’m not losing you again.” He means  _you_ as in Alec, not his heart.

“And you won’t.” Alec squeezes him for a gentle second, letting him know he doesn’t plan to go anywhere, but his mission wants him too, _drives him._

“Alec, I agreed to a deal where we work _together._ I’m not having you jump back into the fray alone, so we do this _together_ or not at all.”

Alec begins to boil, lifting his head away from Magnus who watches in dread, but not giving up just yet. There's no point arguing when Alec treads thin ice, but he truly doesn't want to let him go on his own. No matter how much he disagrees with what Magnus speaks, he can’t.

Magnus can see him arguing with himself, going through a war inside his mind as to how he can go alone. If he can avoid it, he doesn't want Magnus feeling the same pain he did, or a fate Alec has already gone through before. So, he sighs, bringing his head back to Magnus. No matter how much he argues with himself, maybe their chances are greater together than apart.

“Okay.”

“Ok?” Magnus repeats, making sure Alec is aware they must work together, even despite his wish to go and be the hero alone.

“Yeah.” He isn’t so solid on that answer, but at least Alec isn’t about to run off when he's in this state.

Magnus pats the side of his face gently, moving the hand from the back of Alec’s neck to his chest where the blood isn’t drenching his clothes.

“Get cleaned up. I’ll let you borrow some clothes and we can talk about what happened. We’ll think of something,” He smiles once more, watching as Alec looks at his lips, wanting to learn how to smile from him all over again.

It's the same look when he learned how to hold the chopsticks before. But Alec doesn’t smile back, and that tells Magnus something is wrong.

“Hungry?” Magnus wants to take his mind off this as much as possible.

Maybe some good old fashioned noodles will bring back a smile to Alec’s face. It does, but it doesn’t last long enough to be called a smile.

“Yeah. I’ll --,” Alec steps back, hands dragging round to the front of Magnus’ hips, almost like he wants to pull him with him, but letting go eventually, “Is the shower down the hall?”

Alec points, not letting his eyes leave his face. They can both feel it, not wanting to admit it out loud as the cold pulses where their hands once were, the need to put them back as quick as they let go. It's ridiculous how much they need each other, constantly looking for warmth and support after years of unrest.

It's good, but it could also be their biggest weakness. If their enemies exploit this thing between them, _whatever it is,_ Alec may fall even harder than before to the point of never getting up. But since they're a secret to the world, no one can use or hold it against them. With this, they know Valentine will never expect the demon he summoned to come back with an ally as powerful as Magnus Bane. A much needed advantage, especially in such a rough and unpredictable war.

In the end, it's up to Alec. Magnus trusts him, more than he probably wants too, but can Alec trust _him?_ There's no guarantee that Magnus still sees him as the same person from that original summoning, especially after nearly losing himself at Alec's own hand.

Magnus nods, watching as Alec lets his vision fall to the floor, staying downcast until he reaches the beginning of the hallway. For a second, he looks to his side, staring at the sword.

He looks hurt,  _defeated._ Magnus watches him from where he still stands against the wall, wondering what battle Alec is trying to win inside his mind and body. Having no idea what he's thinking or going through becomes poisoning to Magnus’ lungs, a mystery he can’t solve or fix with his magic that makes him feel helpless. It hurts just the same as a papercut, or a bruise from falling over, and when it comes to Alec, it feels like his entire body is covered with them.

Alec feels it too, the cuts and wounds he can’t heal on his own. They need each other to heal the years of damage they can’t heal, or at least to make it bearable so they can breathe on their own again without that lingering pain. _Appreciate the little things,_ that's what Magnus lives by after living in luxury for 400 years.

Placing his hand on the doorway, Alec gives one more second of attention to the Soul Sword before looking back to Magnus over his shoulder.

He watches the hazel slowly drain from his eyes again, linking the two images together and Magnus can’t stop him. All he can do for now was smile, hoping that a good few hours rest will be good for both of them after such a traumatic experience. If they'll spend it together once Alec is done showering, Magnus doesn't know. The demon could be planning to teleport out of here once Magnus is out of sight, but Alec doesn't want to do that. Doesn't have the strength to.

If he's not next to Magnus, he can’t protect him. But that also puts him in the way, to make Magnus a target too. No matter what, Magnus will always be in danger if he's around Alec, and he _hates_ it.

Pushing himself away from the sword, he heads towards the bathroom to clean up. Magnus breathes deeply, closing his eyes and leaning his head back until it softly thumps against the wall.

Now his heart can finally calm itself. If only Ragnor could see him now, how much he'd try and decipher the situation as some sort of massive prank. But _god,_ it isn’t, and that's _terrifying._ The reality that both of them can die from this war, or one of them leaving after promising they’d stay together. It's a reality so real Magnus could beg it never happens in the first place.

He's lying to himself, because actually, he does want this reality to be real. Even if the worst of the outcomes plague him, summoning Alec that day has become a positive rather than a regret. Because if he didn’t summon Alec that day, he may not have smiled yesterday or the day before that. Fate is a bully, but it's got a funny way of doing things, and sometimes that means having good memories in preparation for the bad ones. Alec is a good memory now, in fact, it's a memory that's present, happening right now, and one he'll mourn if it becomes the past.

A few minutes go by until Magnus slowly moves away from the wall, heading to his room to gather clothes for Alec. There's no remedy for what happened, no potion to remove the tar like pain that coats his lungs after such a shock, such fear. The Soul Sword remains in the wall, forgotten by Magnus too, it’s pulse of light weak without it’s guardian. He frowns as he looks at it on his way past, that single object the very reason for the war raging on right now.

Is that what he's so worried about? Magnus halts at the bathroom door, hearing the water turn on as the sound changes, hitting skin and not cold tiles. He places a hand to the door, almost like he's trying to touch him through the layers between them to comfort him, to ask him the questions he wants to ask.

Does Alec feel guilty for this war? For the lives being lost?

Magnus stares at the door, listening to a loud thump as Alec’s fist hits the tiled wall. It's best to leave him be, to let the rage out in his own silence.

Alec can hear Magnus’ hand move away from the door as he heads to the bedroom. He looks over his shoulder, cursing through his teeth at the potential sadness he's causing Magnus. He _hates_ himself, and he hates what he is, not wanting to make other people suffer because of it. With his powers so jumbled, he can’t even hide the past that's covering his own skin, a cheat sheet for Alec’s history exam.

What does Magnus think of the scars? Faded, a lighter colour than his own skin so they stand out. They're ugly to Alec, like worms under the surface, a rotten, forgotten power laying beneath that was burnt to ash. Runes, or well, they _were_ Runes, because they're skeletons now, the patterns remaining but no power to give. At least they didn’t carve them from his skin, keeping some of the shape. Or they may have, since Alec can't remember much from his fall.

Maybe Magnus chose not to say anything, because Alec _did_ notice his eyes drop to his neck, then moving his hand down and ghosting over the surface. It's the third largest scar on his body, and it has to be in the place that can't be covered by most items of clothing. And what pisses him off the most, is that he can’t even remember which rune it is.

All of his knowledge about them is gone, lost to the embers below his feet. Alec punches the tiles again at the thought of losing everything to Edom, the blood on his knuckles not lasting long as it's washed away. He's cursed with the scars of something he can never remember, losing all knowledge and any point to having them.

It's a reminder of what he failed to be. Alec failed to be something,  _someone,_ and now he's nothing at all.

Tears would fall if he wasn’t clenching his jaw so much, placing both hands against the wall and dropping his head between his shoulders. That’s when the water travel down the three scars he hates the most, curving over his back and the lines of sculpted muscle.

Pain. Suffering. An endless plea for to save himself when no one can hear him.

Nothing can compare to those scars, forced to look at them in the mirror and feel the pain creep its way back inside his chest. Magic can’t erase it, to make him forget even those memories, because then he'll be nothing. No motive, no reason to keep blinking and breathing, because the only thing that'll be left is revenge. Maybe that's their goal, to see how far a fallen Shadowhunter can  _truly_ fall. The pain of those years in Edom, they're ingrained, coded, a constant reminder of what he’s become and what he’ll be until the dimension of Edom crumbles itself.

 

\- - - - -

When Alec arrives back to the living room, candles are set up, illuminating the room in a soft glow. Magnus hasn’t bothered to fix the lights from when they blew, simply because erasing all the damage from what happened isn’t going to magically solve all their problems. The Soul Sword is still in the wall, calling out to Alec, but Alec never answers back.

The only things Magnus cleaned was the glass, as well as the dust that fell from the impact of the sword. It's still dark, giving the room a sense of peace, with a little hint of secrecy. To Alec, it makes their business arrangement even more like a dirty secret, but perhaps after such a scene, Magnus isn't in the mood for bird song and bright colours.

He walks in the room, completely ignoring the Soul Sword, his eyes set on Magnus. He's in suspenders still, sitting legs crossed with a glass of wine in his hand, Chairman purring on his lap as he sleeps. Magnus isn't smiling, expression blank, lost in thought as he takes occasional sips of his wine.

Alec is rubbing his hair with a towel when he halts in the middle of the room, diagonal to Magnus. There were fresh clothes waiting for Alec, and now, he's wearing grey sweatpants and a long black sweater. The sweatpants are Magnus’, so they're a little short but not by a drastic amount, fitting but not too tight. Since Magnus' clothes are mostly fitted, he couldn’t find a sweatshirt that fit Alec’s shape comfortably without hugging his skin. He didn't ask for it, but Magnus would prefer a little space and comfort himself after feeling trapped in his own body. The demon actually held the sweatshirt in hands, feeling the soft material and smiling a little, because not only does it make him feel safe, but it hides most of the scars he's no longer able to glamour.

Standing there, Alec can't help but wonder if this is what Magnus does when he's on his own. How much time does he spend alone like this? A soft voice plays from his record player, the black disk spinning round and round as it wobbles a little. Perhaps with the music and Chairman, this apartment doesn't feel that empty, but it still makes Alec want to question it. And for a moment, he also wonders if he'll be able to have this with Magnus, this peace and quiet after the war is over. He agreed to leave, but from what they're both feeling, it's hard to believe they'll stick with that plan.

After the war is over and Valentine is captured, maybe it'll Alec and Magnus sitting together, talking about their day and where they're planning to go back. Maybe they're dancing to the soft jazz playing from the record, laughing and moving to the guidance of trombones. Hands on waists, smiles on faces --

At least dreams are still a possibility, demon or not.

Is this what love is? To feel like nothing else matters other than the person you’re in love with? Alec leans against the pillar, crossing his arms against his chest and watching as Magnus slowly smiles from how Chairman purrs and nuzzles his hand. These small moments in time, almost like breaks between a drama programme are what matters the most to Alec right now. To see Magnus happy, not constantly worried about the outcome of his decisions, sitting and appreciating his little companion with a relaxing glass of wine.

And maybe, Alec could have this. But it's not enough to just imagine it, he _wants_ it.

Valentine is still on his mind, though, constantly digging his talons into whatever happiness he manages to feel. There will be no rest for Magnus and Alec until it's all over, or over as a war can get.

History will always remember, the blood seeping into soil, birthing flowers for future generations to see, hiding horror behind beauty. It'll be the same for this supernatural one too, as Shadowhunter souls paint the skies with delicate new stars, dull in their young age and becoming brighter over time as they continue to burn.

Alec’s eyes downcast, thinking that he could have been that when he passed. He's no star, falling again and again, straight back down to where the angels plunged him in the first place, ash being his remains and carried in the wind like careless trash.

No-one will mourn him, no ceremony or whispered promises of never forgetting him. The only sound would be silence, or a cheer from the person who'd slain him.

There's no denying he was once a Shadowhunter, his scars prove that. Or, it's simply a game, a trick to make him think he was in in the first place to have a motive to destroy, revenge.

Despite that, Alec has to work with what he has now, as well as what he'll work towards. There's his goal of running free from the shadows, or, a life with Magnus and whoever joins their quest along the way. In a way, he wants both, and it's not necessarily greed. Although, if he  _can_ have that freedom as well as Magnus by his side, then he'll fight for it, crave it until he feels the dream solid in the palms of his hands, not just sand slipping through his fingers.

Slouching against a pillar won't kickstart any of these dreams, so he takes a deep breath, pulling the mental cover over his head to protect his weakened state. Flirty Alec, the demonic Alec Magnus first knew is back for the time being.

“Am I too late for my appointment?” he says, giving a little smile as Magnus turns around, a little startled at not hearing him come in.

They say demons tread lightly, use the shadows to elevate their feet from the floor or hide their presence entirely, but Magnus should've heard him. He too, like Alec, was lost in thought, thinking about Alec over and over. Even when he tried to change the subject in some sort of way, it all revolved back to him like a boomerang thrown into heavy winds.

And what hurt the most was seeing him try to put on a front. The smile on Alec’s face was forced, the slight squint of his eyes from exhaustion as the demon blood still lingers like a burn on his skin. No matter how many new memories they make, with what just happened, there's no way of forgetting something like that.

Magnus smiles back, trying to get Alec to realise he isn’t going to punish him for an action that wasn’t his doing. Yes, he’s a demon, but Valentine was the one to push him over the edge and use him as a weapon, not as a living being. A puppet has no choice over their actions, so if Alec's going to feel guilty for the remainder of his life, it’ll be for years, constantly seeing the same image of Magnus’ tears rolling down his cheeks, the pained smile on his face.

Immortality is a curse, Alec will never change his mind about that.

But then again, he wouldn't have met Magnus if he wasn’t immortal, to survive through that pain. 

Shaking his head, he tries to force the negative thoughts to the back of his mind, pushing good ones forward so he can keep himself sane.

“I’ll always have time for you.” Magnus says, his tone relaxed. There's no need to shout or whisper, and that thought is calming.

Alec feels his smile grow, unsure as it tugs a few times before settling. He's amazed at how few words can send his heart into overdrive, trying to keep up with the emotions rapidly jumping from one nerve ending to another. 

“That means you’ll get a big bill,” Alec replies, pushing himself off the pillar with his shoulder, moving round to sit on the opposite end of the couch, “And I don’t have a piggybank in Edom, or here for that matter.”

Magnus chuckles, shaking his head slowly and taking a small sip once the laughter subsides.

“Good observation, but no,” he notices Alec isn’t looking at him, but concentrating on the flower pot placed in the middle of the coffee table, “I enjoy spending time with you.”

Again, his words keep the smile on Alec’s lips. He begins to think if there's anything Magnus can say that'd truly hurt him.

One question comes to mind, and to have him say no would be more devastating than the scars. Maybe one day he’ll have the nerve to ask, one day he’ll have the _reasons_ to ask him, to not be a burden to the only man that cares for him. The only man who's ever seen him for Alec, not the demon underneath the layers of flesh and bone.

“I don’t get why you’re single. You flirt like a professional.”

“I’m not flirting. I’m stating facts,”

Alec huffs, not wanting to believe him, heart staying firmly locked away.

“Besides, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m a lot to handle from what I’ve heard.”

That has Alec looking up, eyeing Magnus and catching him looking back. Magnus has been checking him out subtly, admiring him in the black sweater that's a little loose, and the sweatpants are truly a nightmare.

“Maybe they aren’t strong enough,” Alec states, keeping his eyes on Magnus’ as they lock together, both remaining still, “Or they don’t deserve you.”

Magnus frowns ever so slightly. He expected Alec to try and skip this flirting and move on to whatever it is they're meant to be talking about. Valentine and his plan, of course, but Alec starts to notice something with himself around Magnus, that he seems to lose track, speechless to his elegance and defining beauty. Not only that, but he _wants_ to get lost, to learn everything about Magnus.

What makes him tick, what makes him smile in the mornings, what makes him giggle or cry from laughter.

Alec has already found out how to make him cry. _Never again._

“Are you saying to keep my standards high, Alec?” Magnus gently moves his hand, wine swaying in his glass.

“Yeah.”

“That’s incredibly blunt.” He's about to laugh, but he sees Alec’s jaw clench.

“I can be even more blunt, if you want me too,” Alec gives him no time to even answer that, as he sighs, quickly forcing his words out with an authority Magnus didn’t know he possessed, “Because you’re the most honest person I’ve ever met, Magnus. You've given me a chance to prove myself to you, and despite what your whole life has taught you or what the fucking Clave tells you to do, you still trust me. A _demon._ I could, at any point, turn around and betray you,”

Magnus is stunned, lips slightly parted as he lets Alec pour his heart out while he still can.

“I’m meant to be nothing more than a weapon, yet you see me as something more, someone you want to spend time with. You gave me your number for heaven’s sake. I expected you to never text me back or even acknowledge me after that deal, taking the information you had and using it to track me down -- but you _didn’t._ A man of his word is so hard to find in this world of savages,"

Alec is gently shaking his leg, a nervous gesture, ripping his eyes away and speaking with his hands to further emphasize his point. His elbows sit on his knees, sometimes frowning if he struggles to find the right words to say.

“If I had the choice, I’d say no one deserves you, that you’re too good for anyone and wouldn’t be able to receive what you truly deserve in return. But then you’d be alone, and I don’t want that. I want you to find a love in someone that’s going to give it back 200%, not a flame that burns out once they’ve gone through the majority of what they plan to achieve.”

This is the most he’s ever gotten out of Alec in terms of feeling, yet it's all about Magnus. Alec hasn't said it out loud before, but he wants to say it all now because he doesn’t know when the next chance will be. Their next encounter with Valentine might go wrong, and he might lose himself again, but if he says everything he wants too, confesses everything, then he's not wasted what he perceives as a miserable, cursed life. Alec drops his head between his shoulders, the leg that was shaking coming to a stop. Magnus isn’t going to say anything until Alec is finished.

Putting his wine glass down, Chairman hops down in a grump because Magnus isn’t giving him enough attention. There's no way Magnus will focus on anything else when Alec is finally doing something he’s been waiting for.

He's growing confident, Alec releasing all that tamed anger and frustration since he hasn’t spoken out loud to anyone except the silence of Edom. Only the flames can hear him down there, the crackling noise of embers laughing back at him, forcing Alec to grab those emotions and crush them.

No weakness, no emotions.

No emotions, no humanity –- _no exploitation._

Now he just wants to say _fuck it_ , to let it out to the only person he’s ever trusted. At least, the only person that's given him a chance to trust Alec in return.

The past is the past, and there's no point chasing after it. If he's going to prove himself, to become a better person, he needs to focus on the now, where he can place all his strength and push himself to become a better person.

And to do that, he has to let Magnus know everything. Every stone unturned. Every scar revealed.

“I don’t remember all of it, but if you want to know,” Alec inhales, forcing the tears back from the sharp memories he brings to the surface, “I’ll tell you.”

Magnus isn’t entirely sure if he's meant to say anything. Staying quiet allowed Alec to release all those emotions, and if Alec is being honest, then Magnus can ask questions without retaliation. But he needs to tread carefully, not knowing if they're on the same wavelength.

“Tell me what, Alec?” Magnus remains sitting with his back diagonal to the corner of the couch.

 _“Everything,”_ the word is broken, Magnus understanding it but Alec repeats it anyway, “Everything I can remember, I’ll tell you.”

It hurts to see Alec fighting himself, struggling to find support to hold on, the cliff crumbling at his fingertips. Only Magnus can pull him up, to truly save him from falling back.

“Alec, look at me,” but Alec never does, eyes trained to the floor, trying to control his breathing that's not sufficient for a mundane, “Tell me what you’re comfortable with.”

 _“No --,”_  he almost shouts it, “No, I – I _need_ to tell you. I need to tell you _everything,”_ Alec closes his eyes, shaking his head slowly and keeping his head low, “I want to tell you. I _trust_ you.”

Magnus smiles, but it's not one of joy or relief. It's his _okay,_ to let Alec know he agrees with his decision even if he isn’t necessarily giving Magnus a choice. Not that he’d say no, but having Alec push himself to speak up might not be the best for him, especially if these memories are going to cause him mental and physical pain.

“Alright, I’ll be here,” Magnus reaches out his hand, moving over so he can comfortably rest his hand on Alec’s shoulder, “Always.”

The touch and words simultaneously untie the knots in Alec’s shoulders, slumping more, not squeezing his shoulders together.

Magnus can’t see Alec’s face properly, but he closes his eyes in relief, breathing in through shaky, parted lips, and then exhaling through his nose.

“When I fell, I remembered this feeling of hands on my chest,” Alec’s hands lift, opening his palms and looking at them. They're held open weakly, fingers moving from his own command, resting like he doesn't have the strength to keep them splayed, “They were pushing me off some cliff, and I -- I couldn’t move my limbs, I couldn’t even scream for help. It felt like my lungs were  _gone,”_

No matter how many stories Magnus has told and heard during his lifetime, nothing will compare to this, the raw pain and ache in Alec's voice.

“I could never piece together the face that pushed me, but after some time, the shapes made sense. They have wings, mainly dressed in white, and they mumble in this –-  _language_ I can’t understand. I can’t ask questions because I can’t breathe. I can’t ask what’s going on or where I am because they _won’t let me._ Whoever they were, they gave me no choice,”

Alec bites his bottom lip, not letting the tears fall as the memories he'd dug graves for begin to surface again. All for one man, not for himself.

“When they pushed me, it felt like their hands went through me. They twisted my shoulder blades and I felt these limbs rip out from my back. I had –- I had _wings,_ Magnus,” he turns his head ever so slightly to see him still sitting beside, hand rubbing smooth circles on the demon's shoulder.

“I had wings but I couldn’t use them. I don’t even know what they _look_ like, and I never have, at least not in the state they were. All they did was slow my fall, to let me reflect on what I’ve done but I couldn’t _fucking_ remember anything,” he clenches one of his hands, feeling the shock of pain go through his nerves in that one arm, squeezing the fingers in his palm, “They expected me to save myself when I couldn’t even control my own body. It was a shell, stripped of everything so they could twist me into whatever they wanted me to be. I couldn’t even use the wings I had to save me, the beauty of them  _nothing_ more than a mocking joke.”

Magnus wonders if he still has those wings, the broken ones that he's rumoured to have. There's no real way to ask without punching another wound, and Magnus won't push boundaries unless there's a life changing reason to do so.

This isn’t one of them. It's Alec reliving years of pain and suffering, endured alone in _silence_ for years. Magnus has Ragnor and Catarina, whereas Alec didn't have anyone, and he still didn't have anyone until he was summoned by Magnus. He has no one to call family, no one he remembers, memories of them lost to the embers.

Now with Magnus here, sharing his pain and learning more about Alec, he'll hopefully learn the importance of having someone else there. He can make the weights that call Alec's shoulders home crumble to dust, letting Magnus carry the burden with him.

“I -- I was _scared,_ Magnus,” his voice shivers admitting that, showing Magnus that despite the power he has, he's still afraid of the pain that haunts him, “I could see my death staring at me in the face.”

Alec looks up, struggling not to look back at what he's talking about.

“That sword. It was thrown down after me, _chasing_ me. It fell much faster than I did, and the tip of the blade was just touching my chest, taunting me like it knew. It didn’t – didn’t - _shit,”_ Alec begins to shake his leg again, bringing the back of his wrist to wipe the moisture falling from his eyes, “It didn’t go through my chest until I hit the ground. By then, it was too late. _Fuck_ –- it was never too late, because there was never any time, not being able to remember a thing, what day it is or how old I am. All I had was my name and a pair of wings I couldn’t even use. I never knew I had them until it was too late.”

Both hands cover his face, fingertips moving in as he tries to pull his face away from his skin, like he wants to rip every emotion he's feeling so Magnus can't see it so clearly. The grip on his shoulder grows stronger, thumb moving now instead of his whole hand in circles. Alec's next words are muffled by his palms, but Magnus can still hear his tiny sobs.

“I burned for so long I wanted to _die._ I didn't want to feel the pain I was feeling. I don’t even know how long I was down there, my skin constantly on fire and feeling helpless,” He feels the first tear fall, his voice cracked and struggling to stay together. Magnus is the only thing keeping him going, the words flowing through the comfort placed on his shoulder.

“I couldn’t move. I felt hands pulling my limbs and digging into my skin. Magnus it was horrible -- _I can’t --”_

Alec chokes, the memories slicing his throat.

Magnus doesn’t want to see him in pain anymore, so he reaches out, pulling Alec around by placing his free hand on his right arm. Alec is blabbering words that don’t make sense at all, the memories flooding back to him quicker than he can speak.

He pulls him into a bone crushing hug, Alec beginning to sob loudly into the crook of Magnus' neck. And then his hands soothe up and down the demon's back, closing his eyes and listening to the way Alec’s sobs break the silence.

Alec clutches at the back of his shirt, pulling him closer and bringing up one leg onto the couch. His breathing struggle, his crying becoming silent after a few seconds. He can’t be weak in front of Magnus, he can’t let himself look like a burden that'll do nothing more than drag him down.

Magnus says nothing, remaining silent. Alec moves his hands up, grabbing at his shirt where his shoulder blades are, arms underneath Magnus’ arms that are hugging around his shoulders.

“I’m so sorry, Alec,” whispers Magnus, placing a soft kiss to his shoulder, “You won’t _ever_ feel that pain again. I promise.”

His shirt becomes damp where Alec’s tears latch onto the fabric, emotions clear in the way his body acts. Alec physically shakes, little ones in his hands and feeling them through his body, almost as if he's trying to move away from the fires reaching for him in his mind. Being a demon who can inflict nightmares is haunted by his own, a living reality and not a trick of his imagination.

Holding Magnus grounds him, lets him breathe. And every time he does hold him, he finds himself never wanting to let go. Because letting go feels like he'll fall again, hitting the ground twice as hard and not even wanting to fight. If he can’t see Magnus again, there's no point in fighting, and that shocking thought has Alec petrified.

 _“I hate that I need you,”_ Alec mumbles into his shoulder, words that wouldn’t have been heard if Magnus wasn’t right next to him. He moves his head to the side, looking away from Magnus but keeping his cheek on his shoulder, “All I’ll do is drag you down.”

“I can take care of myself, I’m the High Warlock of Brooklyn,” the bluntness of his words makes Alec halt his train of thought, “If I have to fall with you, I will.”

Alec doesn't believe what he hears, forcing himself back to sit back, keeping close so that they're almost touching noses.

“What?”

“You truly believe no one else will stand by you, Alec?” Magnus looks at his face, watching the demon slowly frown, trails of tears never reaching his jawline from where they soaked into Magnus’ shirt.

“Who would? I’m a monster.“

“No, don’t you _dare,”_ he can still feel Alec’s hands on his back, Magnus gripping Alec’s shirt now instead, “I already told you you’re not. You are _you,_  Alec. I like you for _who you are,_ not _what_ you are.”

Alec parts his lips to speak, but they shut again.

“You’d risk everything --“

“Everything.” Magnus replies quick, wanting to beat Alec’s words before they have a chance to hurt both of them, “I said I’d never fall for someone again, I said I’d never let anyone else in. But you -  _you -_ Alec,” he gently shakes his shoulders to let him know he means Alec, hand moving quickly so he can stroke his thumb across his cheek, just under his eye, just like times before. A familiar feeling.

“I promised myself, and yet here I am, wondering if I should give myself that chance. If I'm going to learn to love again, whatever that means, friendship or something more, I -- want it to be with you.”

Magnus doesn't mean everything, but in his heart the idea of it makes sense. To see someone like Alec fall from grace with no explanation, thrown to the side and forgotten, it reminds Magnus of himself in some way. Perhaps that's why being together feels so easy, because Magnus will listen, and Alec is willing to learn.

But those words, they render Alec speechless, feeling lost in time because his brains scrambles to find the right words to say back.

He's fallen, and Magnus has fallen _hard._

Alec finds himself feeling the same, heartbeat wild as it beats against his ribcage.

_Is this what it feels like?_

_Is this what it feels like to have someone?_

Magnus grips his sweater tighter, pulling him closer so their foreheads touch. He knows he shouldn't be doing this, that everything screams to run and forget these feelings. There's no way he'll fall for someone again, to have his heart broken and returned when he's given his away in it's entirety. But this, the ache he feels because Alec's so near, an ache that's not painful or tiring, but an ache to to kiss him, to hold him, to keep him by his side. Once, he told himself to hide away the Magnus he doesn't want the world to see, but here he is, arms closed around Alec, breathing in the same air, letting himself go.

Alec poured his heart out moments ago, yet he feels like there's so much more to say that's missing. The cage around his heart becomes weaker because he finds strength in Magnus, finds strength in his words, his knowledge, his touch.

It's not a wish anymore, a stupid dream they both sleep to witness living again. What they have, it's something, and they'll find it. Nothing is in focus except Magnus and Alec, the world unaware of the hearts yearning for each other before they knew themselves, wanting to give, to take, to hold and keep.

Magnus grips the back of Alec’s hair, pulling his head closer as they both tilt to fit together. They move slow, eyes still locked together and soon closing as their lips brush. It's a subtle touch, afraid of catching fire if they move too quick, afraid of crushing the dream while it gently takes flight.

He may have moved first, but Alec is the first to take control, feeling gripped by this need to be closer, to tell Magnus that  _he's here. I'm here._

Gripping the back of his shirt, nails threatening to dig through the fabric thanks to the strong emotions, Alec pulls him closer. Magnus curves his back, running away from Alec’s hand, afraid that he'll be a ghost, phasing through him, but the shock of warmth from his hand as it holds his waist -- it sinks Magnus into this daze, Alec tugging at his waist, lips ghosting over each other as they break apart after that single kiss. There's an explosion in their hearts, concrete breaking as light seeps through the cracks.

Rising to sit on his knees, Magnus falls into Alec's lap, their lips close but never touching, eyes burning into one another, wanting to meet halfway but not clear on what their hearts feels. This is all new to Alec, yet it feels so normal, so familiar, that he finds him taking a moment to close his eyes, bumping foreheads as Magnus battles his own demons. Fingertips move through his hair, sighing when he feels Alec's arm hug the small of his back, another hand on his waist and moving up to the dip between his shoulders. 

There's this thing Alec does, fingers pressing through Magnus' shirt, almost like he's trying to feel what's underneath. But then he goes back to the same spots before, as if he's trying to remember, or he's trying to understand what all this means to him.

Alec feels like he can face the world right now, because there's nothing else but Magnus on his mind, the warlock gently placing his elbows on his shoulders, ringed hands slowly moving through the raven locks of the demon in front of him.

Music from the record player drowns out, and Magnus can only hear the birds outside, then the inhale and exhale of Alec's breathing. Only the moon and candles are witnesses to the sweet exchange, the tight hold they keep themselves in, their bodies slotted together comfortably like the gods specifically made them that way -- soul mates.

Their bodies become framed by the red of the candles, the pastel blue of the moon's glow, but nothing is bright as the emotions bursting from their lungs, suspended in time as they just breathe.

Puzzle pieces lost in a box, muddled and tossed aside by the people they’ve met. Over time, as life moves on and pieces slot together, they come closer and closer together. Now they're here, in this moment, the peak of a mountain top and taking that last breath of the climb.

Alec opens his eyes, thumbs pressing into Magnus’ side, the warlock's fringe dangling down, cutting through the colour of his right eye. And then there's a twinge in his arms, a need, raising a single hand to move that lock of hair from his face, pushing it over the top of his head. Magnus reacts to that, tilting his head into the hand that moves from his hair to his cheek, eyes closing. Seeing him so relaxed, so moved by Alec's little actions, he breathes a sigh of relief. He doesn't want to mess this up, not one bit. 

Feeling the sun rise in his heart, Magnus smiles, and when he opens his eyes, Alec is smiling as well. It's small, but it's a smile nonetheless, one that warms Magnus' heart even more as he looks over his face. That very smile Alec does, it crinkles his eyes, making him look like any other normal mundane, not the demon drawn in textbooks. Just that view of Alec, Magnus blurs out the background, imagining him in different situations with that same smile, and it makes his heart flutter all the same.

There's no turning back now.

And they don’t want too. Not ever.

Eyes close again, Alec’s hands moving lower, feeling the movement of Magnus’ muscles on his lower back one breath at a time, the sculpture of Magnus’ body leaving him lost for words. It feels like he's holding art in his lap, an art only he can kiss, an art _only Alec_ can love and cherish.

Possessiveness prickles Alec’s skin, the spark of red beneath the lids of Alec’s eyes, the softness of their touches lingering for something more, but they can't. Not yet. Perhaps what Alec feels is the demon beneath, wanting to keep the rarest treasure close to him, to not let anyone else witness Magnus like this, breathing Alec in, brushing his hands through the demon's hair. Their lips dance close together, but they don't kiss again, because it feels wrong too when they know the world is coming for them, and that fear holds them back.

Because what if they can't make it? What if they can't hold each other like this again?

That hand moving over the expanse of Magnus' back feels the ridges of his spine again, the sharp line of muscle being mapped, remembered. Just incase the fear he feels is true, that if this is the last time, he'll remember Magnus close, in as much detail as he can. Dreams are the one thing they can't take away from him, but who knows if he'll have that control if he loses himself again.

Magnus feels the tingle of Alec's lips on his own, and he finds himself looking down at Alec's lips again, but like Alec, fear holds him back. If he falls too hard, there's no getting back up from here, not when this feeling is so overwhelming, like Magnus has been waiting for this.

“I want this,” Alec whispers against his lips, never leaving the brown of Magnus’ eyes, “I want this, with you, for as long as I can. For as long as you’ll let me.”

He exchanges the words between them, and them only, not even the spirits that watch over hearing the wish Alec makes.

“And we will,” Magnus replies, his voice steady compared to the wild heart inside his chest. It's really happening, his chance at more, his chance with a man that understands him more than he realises, “but not now. Not until it’s over.”

"I know." Alec hates to agree, but he does. He can feel it in his own hands, shaking as they move back to Magnus' waist.

Magnus admires the beauty of Alec up close, the colour of his eyes and the depth of their hue, and how each time Magnus looks at them, he finds a new shade, a new shape. It's like there's a story hidden somewhere, hidden between the colours of autumn, shapes defining memories he's forgotten. He brings his hand to Alec's cheek, feeling the sharp jawline with his thumb, the scratch of his stubble.

Now he knows why people say you can read a lifetime from someone's eyes, because Magnus can see it all, whatever's left of it. The want, the pain, the wish to _belong._ It's all written there for someone to see, the softness of the colours and harshness of the darker ones. His pupils are blown from the dark of the apartment, but also because the man who sits in his lap is the most beautiful man he's ever seen.

He runs the surface of his nail down Alec’s cheek, ending at his chin and smiling. Alec smiles back, dipping his head quickly to kiss the surface of his thumb.

“Was it -- good?” Alec asks, tone soft, pressing his thumbs a little harder, as if to try and pick up the atmosphere as it falls to silence again. They need time, but that doesn't mean they have to stop here.

“What?” Magnus knows what he means, he just wants to tease a little, to lighten the mood.

“The –- er, the _kiss?”_ Alec swallows hard after that.

“Hmm,” tilting his head to the side, Magnus grins like a teenager who’s kissed their crush for the first time. To be honest, it feels exactly like this, and that feeling of starting again, falling in love all over again -- it's warming, “Not bad.”

Alec snorts, moving forward, only to halt when he's just about to steal another kiss. He looks from Magnus' lips back to his eyes, noticing how Magnus is breathing a little heavier, his focus on Alec's lips. And then he's cupping the back of the demon's head, bringing him closer so their lips meet again, a slow kiss, one that steals every next breath from Alec's lungs.

He's surprised how much his demonic blood sits back, letting Alec control every press of his thumbs, every slight little tilt of his head into the kiss. It's baffling, how can keep his ounce of control when Magnus Bane is right there, smiling and wanting to kiss him back.

Alec sees stars when he kisses him.

Alec can see a _future._

“Guess I’ll have to practice more.” smirking back, Alec squeezes his waist gently, pulling him closer to bump their chests together.

Magnus laughs, eyes crinkling as the warm bubbly feeling of being happy envelopes him. It feels good to smile for once, especially with someone else, because Alec is smiling too, his pearly whites giving Alec a smile Magnus would choose out of the seven billion living ones in the world. But Alec beat him to it.

 _“God,_ you’re so _fucking beautiful,_ Magnus,” he raises one hand to cup his cheek, sighing to himself and wondering how on earth Magnus of all people was the one to give him a second chance, “Honestly, why pick me? You could have anyone.”

It's true, Magnus having gone through his fair share of lovers. None of them can even level to the shock that's Alec, a greater demon. A greater demon in which he's kissing, holding, smiling back at -- it seems like some twisted reality that somehow works. Even though they'll have to part, to return to their hunt for Valentine, having this moment to keep them going becomes a gentle memory that'll get them through the darkest hour of each day. Their relationship will always be forbidden, but Magnus has never seen the world impossible as a challenge, not a barrier. Being a demon doesn’t define Alec, at least if you let him become someone else. Magnus can see the person inside, the lost soul trying to find a purpose, somewhere to belong.

They're not meant to be together, enemies to the throne of a realm they both hate with history.

Combined, they're powerful. Powerful enough to change the shape of the world itself, united and ready to prove people wrong, ready to change the face of this war.

Magnus repeats the thoughts he’s said before, believing them more than ever before, because _sometimes the good things are worth waiting for._

Alec has become that good thing he’s been waiting for, all this time. All those mornings he spent alone thinking of that person to be his star, his sun, it was Alec.

“I can assure you God didn’t have much to do with me. It’s quite the opposite,” Alec laughs at that, Magnus obviously referring to Edom, “And I’ll keep repeating it until you believe it. I like you for _you_ , Alec, I want to learn it all again with _you.”_

Magnus uses the hand that was previously on his neck to prod his chest, emphasising his point that _you_ means the person in front of him. Taking a deep breath, Alec closes his eyes for a second, opening them again to Magnus' eyes smiling back at him.

“No one, and I mean no one, not even _something_  has tried to see me besides what I was made to be. You make me feel like something special, like everything in my life up to this point had been for a reason --"

A knock on the door halts his words, Magnus cursing every decision he made to have the takeaway delivered by delivery boy instead of summoning it here. He didn’t know how long Alec would be in the shower, or if he’d even stay, so Magnus went for the first option over the other.

“Ah, well,” Alec mumbles, chuckling to himself, "I guess that's a sign for me to stop blabbering." letting his hands fall into his lap as Magnus sighs, Alec looks down. He almost made a whole speech out of it.

 _"Nonsense,_ it's not every day a delivery boy interrupts beautiful words like that.” moving from Alec's lap, Magnus starts to walk towards his door.

For a moment, he checks his wards, not sensing any magical glamours or supernatural presence. Magnus knows the usual route and timetable of his Shadowhunter visits, but he won't put it past them to surprise Magnus and see if the warlock keeps true to his word.

It indeed is the delivery boy, eyeing Magnus' style choice as he opens the door. He sneaks a look over Magnus’ shoulder as he hands him the bag, noticing the taller man sprawled out on the couch.

Magnus notices him looking, smirking and waving the bill in front of him to catch his attention.

“If anyone says kissing the devil is a sin, tell them it still is, but it’s _so worth it,”_ Magnus jokes at the boy, seeing the blush paint over his cheeks, snapping his vision back to the man in front of him, “Thank you, and keep the change!”

The boy nods, quickly turning around and heading back down the hall, Magnus closing the door with the snap of his thumb and forefinger. Turning on his heels, elegant as ever, he smiles at Alec who's made himself comfortable on the couch.

“You scaring the delivery boy?”

Magnus smirks, clicking his tongue, “Just telling him making a deal with the devil isn’t all bad. It’s actually quite rewarding. He’s quite handsome, rather humorous and his ass looks great in sweatpants.”

Alec breaks out into a light, trying to fix his hair with his hands as he sits up,  “Nice to know I can win you over with that.”

“Oh, you won me over a long time ago, Alec.”

The dopey smile just grows bigger, giving Magnus rooms to sit as approaches.

“Noodles?” he asks, sitting forward slowly as Magnus places the bag down on the table.

“This is going to be our thing, isn't it?” Alec smiles at the fond memory, the first time Magnus held his cheek after ordering from that same takeaway place. Just now, they held each other like gold, remembering each curve of their backs, the softness of their hair.

Magnus sighs as he sits down, unpacking the bag and offering Alec's food to him, the demon speaking a small thanks as takes it, “Now we’ve got some food to make this subject a little lighter, let’s talk plans.”

He can see Alec’s hand freezing at the edge of his vision, just about to open his pot of noodles.  _Back to their real reality, it seems._

“About Valentine?”

Nodding, Magnus closes his eyes, inhaling the sweet scent of the sauce coating the noodles.

A few seconds later, Alec feels his smile return, noticing how calm Magnus looks compared to how he was before when mentioning that psychotic man. And if Magnus can see past the pain and look to the future, his future with Alec and to fight for it, then Alec will too.

The kiss is still fresh on Alec's mind, tempted to not eat the noodles and steal another, but truthfully, he's  _starving._ A body as powerful as Alec's needs a lot of food, but also, he just loves noodles, especially the small little memories they hold now to the pair.

“Ok,” Alec begins, slowly nodding to himself.

“Ok?” Magnus replies, raising one brow as he looks at him.

“Let’s plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the results of the poll would make that person start the kiss and answer the door. magnus won! so you got to see him showing off a little to the delivery boy about literally kissing what you could call the devil :')
> 
> hope you enjoyed this one! let me know what you think!


	7. Whispered Sins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Life caught up with me and I've been busy. Back to normal updates now!
> 
> #ODSfic

Alec never found a reason to look up from the ground. From where his memories start, he's falling down even though he's looking up, reaching his hand out for that person to save him. Anyone who's willing to save him when he's already a lost cause would mean dragging that person down with him, and Alec knows that, long before he ever saw another human again.

A constant ringing reminds him of what he is -- a _demon._ Even Maia said he can never forget that, because if he does, he’ll fall twice as fast and hit the ground twice as hard if he ever loses control. What Alec doesn’t understand just yet, is that he has to learn to embrace it.

Fearing it makes a greater enemy, looming behind him like a shadow that'll follow him until he stumbles backwards, consumed by the darkness he’s always wanted to avoid. Ignoring it isn't a possibility, but if it does, it'll come back round like a punch straight across his face.

Alec can't change his blood, and he can't run away from what he is -- what he's _made_ to be.

Embracing the demon inside will be no easy task, especially when the whole Shadow World is out to get him, to send him back where he came from. Just like his fall, there's no one willing to help him, to tell him everything will be okay and point towards the light at the end of the tunnel --

There's that, and then there's Magnus.

For once in his life, and perhaps the first time, Alec can look up without his head feeling the weight of insecurities. There are no second thoughts, no greater forces pushing him down to kneel, and the tension in his spine becoming nothing more than a small ache now and then to bring him back to reality. Alec’s doubts and fears will never fade, that's given. But one thing he can do, is to change and warp those fears into something he can use, to turn a weakness into strength.

And here he goes again, thinking about Magnus, wanting to waste every day he has with him to keep afloat. Who can really blame him, though? Magnus is the only thing Alec holds close to his heart, close enough to want to stay here with mundanes, even though he doesn’t understand half of it. He wants to restart his life in a way, to make it his own, but at the same time make it with Magnus.

Every smile, every gentle hold and kiss they've shared, it feels like an extra year added to his immortal lifetime. When there's nothing worth fighting for, if he has no dreams or goals, then what’s the point in having immortality? Sure, having an infinite amount of time to decide those things is beneficial, but the countless weeks of silence and hurting himself from trespassing thoughts is suffering in itself. Every thoughts like that will slow him down, to force him to his knees, the weight on his shoulders immobilising him to sit and watch the universe age.

Will it eventually end? And how will we know when it does?

Alec wants to live his life one smile at a time. And what makes him smile?

_Magnus._

Magnus makes him smile and breathe like a mortal, he has a _life_ with Magnus.

Eating noodles and kissing him on his couch is just one star in the entire galaxy. They have years and years to explore everything about each other, to waste days and live them to the fullest. Alec wants it bad, bad enough to turn around, hold him by the lapels and kiss him freely, to pull him into a hug or go outside and hold his hand like any other mundane couple.

Will they ever be able to do that? Magnus may have a trick up his sleeve to help Alec truly disappear like he promised, but from the sheer _hope_ in Magnus' eyes after he pulled away from kissing Alec just that once, they might as well rip that contract in two.

If Magnus wants to spend every waking day with him, Alec will -- but they can’t have that, not yet. Valentine still has to be dealt with, to capture and imprison him, and then there's the problem of dealing with the Clave, Alec’s current fan club since he has the sword they’ve been wanting to take back for a long, long time.

Alec isn’t going to make it easy, and as much as he wants to give the sword away so it's not his problem anymore, he doesn’t trust the Clave one bit. He especially doesn’t want to give away the weapon that could bring an end to the entire Downworld. If Alec is going to be the protector of the Soul Sword once he learns complete control, he’ll become the guardian of the Downworld in the process.

_Magnus’ guardian._

In return, Magnus will protect Alec. He’ll teach him everything from how to work a mundane microwave to controlling his demonic urges. And he'll learn to love him unconditionally, to accept every part of the nightmares that follow him. In some ways, they've already begun to learn how to love again, but with the war still knocking on their door, they don't have the time to believe it's real. Communication isgoing to be a big thing for them, they both know, and they both don’t mind that at all. As long as Magnus can make Alec smile like he is now, then that's good enough for him, at least for now.

Magnus originally thought the end of this war would mean peace and quiet, but now love is at the end, a chance at something he’s wanted for so long. Every second evolves that chance, and he honestly doesn't know what it'll end up being.

Kissing Alec was different to what he originally though it'd feel like. Nothing could have prepared either of them for the rush of emotion soothing over their skin like water, wrapping around them and consuming them in what they're too afraid to say. They did say it after, or, _sort of._ Both Alec and Magnus can't say what they feel yet, because they're afraid of what the consequences if that wish falls short. But it was that  _rush_ they felt, the initial spark, to _touch_ and solidify that link.

Alec finally feels like he has something to live and breathe for, and Magnus has someone to learn how to love again. With that, from each other, they'll learn to love _themselves,_ to accept every flaw and weight on their shoulders, equally carrying the weight as they support each other until the end -- _whatever that may be._

They'll have a love so strong it'll blossom from the smallest smile, the gentlest movement of a finger up Magnus’ arm. Magnus knows what it feels like now to be held by Alec, to lose himself in his eyes for those few minutes, to kiss him just that once like it'll be their last. It scares them, to feel this gone when they've only just started, but perhaps this is what they've been waiting for, a love so natural it feels like they've missed it.

Some days, Alec will give back more than Magnus can, and some days Magnus will overwhelm Alec in a warmth he's never dreamt of. But ultimately, they’ll be together -- fighting together, loving one another with every inch of their being, wanting that eternal love for as long as fate will let their immortal hearts sing.

One string at a time, one chord at a time, Alec and Magnus will both play their song, soon playing it together and adjusting, learning to let it harmonise as one journey. One song for _both_ of them to sing.

They'll love, and they'll feel like humans again. Love sick, laughing, smiling -- they'll want nothing more than to enjoy life with the man they love in their arms.

It'll come in time, a time they want right now with the click of Magnus’ thumb and forefinger, but even magic can’t save the mess the Shadowhunters have made for themselves.

Shortly after Alec agrees to the planning, Magnus looks up from his noodles towards Alec, noticing his eyes are now cast down to the floor. Nerves, anticipation, uncertainty. They can certainly plan, but how much can they plan _for?_   Valentine is waiting for Alec to return as they speak, so he'll have to go back at some during the early hours of the morning, or some time later since it's almost midnight.

Magnus and Alec would have preferred a silence they summoned themselves, not one from duties nipping at their heels like hounds on the hunt. It isn’t silence either, only the physical sound around them being so. There's white noise, a constant buzz of thoughts whisking inside their minds, trying to make sense of something they can’t quite grasp. Silence like this isn’t peaceful, it's a storm.

Alec looks guilty, swirling the noodles around with the chopsticks in his hand, thinking how things could have been different in these past few hours.

He _should_  have been strong enough to beat Valentine --

Alec _should_ have been strong enough to resist the demon blood and _control_   it --

Alec should have been _ready --_

Yet all he’s been doing is dancing around Magnus, making him happy, and at the same time putting him under Valentine’s radar, despite not directly knowing his involvement with Alec -- at least, not  _yet._

“Alec?” Magnus began, tone questioning. He can see the demon starting to kick himself for his own mistakes, even after Magnus’ constant words denying his apology. As the white noise continues, the more Alec will drag himself back down into that pit.

Magnus sighs, knowing it's not going to sink in right now when the problem is still out there, “We’ll talk about this after our plan, okay?” he dips his head ever so slightly, trying to catch the hazel he’s come to admire so much, “I need you just as much as you need me right now.”

The chopsticks stopped moving, Alec looking up shortly after. He felt heavy, his head carrying a weight he desperately wanted to diminish.

But to have someone here to help him, to have Magnus support him -- it makes breathing with that weight just that little bit easier. They're both aware that they needs to start building a plan, but neither of them want to, or know how to start.

How do you start something when the end might not even come? Is a risk worth the reward?

Alec smiles at Magnus, and Magnus smiles back. A life together after this hell storm ends is worth every risk they'll make, every risk they’ll battle through and solve together. It's not something they know yet, but they can feel  _something_ there, and that's enough for a foundation.

Magnus has to contain himself, to not throw caution to the wind in his excitement to see if what he has with Alec is real. Perhaps they can ignore the world, to pretend nothing is happening outside these walls and hope it sorts itself out. Alec would agree, to do the same, to show Magnus the years of love he’s been missing, the years of care and affection his past encounters never gave. Unfortunately, this isn't the time, and it probably won't be for some time.

The greater demon nods once, smile still on his face but faint. He's ready, no matter how much he doesn’t want this to be happening in the first place, and by that he means Valentine and the Clave, not Magnus.

 _God,_ he can’t imagine his life _without_ him anymore. It's frightening to think that.

Magnus leads the conversation, hoping Alec will at least open up a little and gain the confidence to speak his mind about his doubts and fears. Baby steps.

“Alright,” shuffling in his seat so he sits like Alec does, not exactly how he would usually relax, but it's to help Alec, to make him feel more relaxed here. His legs now sit crossed, but his spine still arches in a way that makes his shoulders look even more broad than they already are, delivering words with a sense of formality, “Do you remember much from when he summoned you?”

Alec is still looking at Magnus, eyes down for small moments to watch his lips, slowly moving back up like he's remembering every detail of his face, “Only some parts. When he eventually -- er, _yeah,_ that’s when it gets blurry, but I think I headed straight here afterwards anyway from what I can see.”

“Hmm,” Magnus slowly nods, not letting his attention go elsewhere unless it's to pick up some noodles with the chopsticks, “We have his location, which is good.”

“Are you going to send the Shadowhunters?” Alec’s response is almost immediate.

There's something on the edge of Alec’s voice that makes him sound reluctant to say that. He already doesn’t want Magnus to go with him, so he doesn’t want even more dangerous outcomes.

Magnus watches as Alec gently smiles, Magnus not knowing himself that he's giving him an incredibly soft expression.

“What?” Alec asks, dipping his head with a slight blush because he has no idea what Magnus must be thinking to let him make an expression like that -- an expression full of awe.

“You really are something special. Do you know that, Alec?” he lifts one chopstick, pointing it at him gently to go along with his words, “You really care about other people, no matter how much you put on a front that says otherwise. As Shadowhunters, you hate them and your duty is to keep the Soul Sword from them, yet you still care about them risking their lives in front of Valentine.”

Alec is stunned slightly, his breath catching in his throat. Where did that come from? He plays with his noodles for a few seconds, wondering what to say as he stares down at the smoke lifting from the surface of the sauce.

“I was one of them once,” Alec lifts his head, but he's still looking to the floor, “No matter how much I want to forget the past, it’s where I came from and who I once was. I’m guessing it’s what made me who I am today.”

“Are you making sure what happened to you -- happens to no one else?”

Not responding straight away, Alec closes his eyes, breathing in and pushing the thoughts of his time in Edom back again. It's easier now, knowing he’s not alone in his knowledge of what happened during his years of suffering. Magnus didn’t judge him or leave his side because of the events Alec talked him through, stayed by his side and being that shoulder to lean on when there was no one before.

“Now that I think about it, you may be right.” Alec chuckles, shaking his head ever so slightly and seeing the smirk on Magnus’ face grow out of the corner of his eyes, “I’m not saying you’re 100% right, I’m not giving you that satisfaction.”

“Very well, Alec,” Magnus does a little chirpy movement of his head, “I’ll get it eventually.”

Alec’s chuckle turns to a laugh, Magnus watching as that small smile surfacing lifts his face. That’s a sound he wants to hear more often, to be the cause -- to wake up next to that beaming expression of pure joy every day of his life.

“I can’t believe you’re making me laugh when the conversation is so --  _bleak.”_

“Life’s what you make it,” Magnus replies, “I’m not letting that villain ruin what I hold dear. I’ll try my best to still smile even if I know he’s still out there, otherwise, he’s winning -- and we can’t have that,” Alec pays close attention to his words, looking at the warlock now instead of his noodles, “And you glow when you have a smile on your face. Makes me forget sometimes that you’re a demon that was out to get me at some point.”

“I was never out to get you. It's quite the opposite,” Alec pokes at the vegetables before picking one up and eating it, leaving Magnus to question what he means, continuing after he swallows, “Star struck maybe, since you _are_ Magnus Bane. You have quite the fanbase down in Edom, so seeing you in the flesh and as handsome as you are, I was caught off guard.”

He shies away from looking at Magnus after that, stuffing his mouth full of food before he lets anything else slip out. Usually Alec would be okay flirting and openly expressing his opinions, always accompanied by a smirk or the dominance of his posture, but this time he's _blushing._

Magnus means a lot to Alec, so every little thing he does is either calculated, or it's not. He'll either be confident in what he speaks about with him, or he'll get tongue twisted, caught up in his bubbling emotions that the words slip from his mouth with no retaliation. That’s what love is doing to him.

If he finds the middle between that, he’ll make Magnus happier, or at least that’s what he _thinks_ will happen.

Magnus admires him for who he is right now, for what he’s always truly been but never showed -– or never given the _chance_ to show.

“There’ll be a time for flirting with me Alec, but right now we need to work quick,” even though he’d rather just flirt with him until they both give up and start kissing again, this is serious, and any consequence could be a huge one, “Valentine is expecting some sort of storm from your destruction, or for you to return to him with evidence of my --  _well,_ you can complete that sentence.”

Alec frowns, remembering the Soul Sword is still stuck in the wall, slowly becoming dormant from the lack of touch from Alec. The red has faded, runes silent and no longer calling for demonic blood to fuel them. It's deadly silent, waiting defeated by Alec’s slow and gradual control over the primal power inside him.

“So… are you saying we can flirt after all this is over? Maybe -- hmm,” tapping his forefinger against the top of his chopsticks, Alec quickly stirs some gentle humour to prevent the dark thoughts of the event from earlier washing over him again, “A _date?”_

“Alec, --” Magnus is close to silencing him, wanting to be serious, but he just sighs in amusement. Alec's little sweet, hopeful smile has him thinking otherwise, head slightly tilted as he replies back to him, “A date?”

“A date. Or _dates,_ plural.” Alec lifts his brows twice, earning a devilish smirk from Magnus who can’t believe he's still trying to make him laugh after he told him to concentrate. It does make him smile however, reflected light from the moon curving like a ghostly hand over Magnus’ jaw.

“That’s very dashing, Alec, thank you,” Magnus' soft laughter fills the air, but it's almost silent, controlled in a way so only Alec hears it, not even the birds, “A very good attempt at winning me over.”

“I thought you said I already did?” Alec winks, and Magnus’ heart skips a beat.

_Damn this demon._

“It seems you’re correct, but I’ll let you savour that victory another time. Deal?”

Another deal with the devil, it seems. He wonders if the deal they made before was a mutual agreement or something real. There's no telling with these demons, but considering Alec didn’t get out a scroll and ask him to sign a dotted line, maybe it wasn’t a deal. Perhaps Magnus just saw it as one because of the situation, the easy but dangerous ally.

They agreed on their own terms to achieve something greater, but it's slowly turning into  _we_ instead of  _I._

“Deal.”  Magnus has heard that word before, but it was from his own lips and not Alec.

The roles have been reversed, this time Magnus holding the leadership between them. Alec can easily take it back or equalize, but if they're going to get out of this situation alive, then he needs to trust Magnus as much as he can understand what trust means.

Now they have two deals, or two agreements. One will break them apart, and the other will bring them closer.

There's no denying the first deal is nothing but a loose chain, something that keeps them at a comfortable distance but close enough so they know when they need to break away. Of course, those chains will rust overtime, but for people with immortality, it'll seem like forever. Hopefully, they'll learn to be free from the chains of a deal that was never really a deal in the first place, created by their own fears and past mistakes refusing to repeat. When those chains do decide to rust and crumble away like ash, they’ll be able to make decisions on their own again. They'll decide where to turn, or which weights they’ll pick up and choose to carry with them so the other won't have too. It'll be ultimately theirs and theirs _only_ to decide.

Alec doesn’t see them as chains, though, because he sees them as Magnus’ arms, hugging him close and whispering promises of never letting him go. He doesn’t want being with Magnus to look like he's trapped --  _well,_ he can’t say Magnus hasn’t captured his heart in the most fleeting way possible.

_Trust._

A chance.

 _Believing_ in Alec.

Maybe the chains will turn to vines, blooming with red and purple tulips, a promise of undying love. Or, it could be the sun’s rays, framing them like an art piece to be admired by many, a branch between two worlds that should never work, like a palette of colours that usually conflict against each other –- but Magnus and Alec will make them blend, they'll make them work.

Even if they've thought all of that, their relationship might be a secret for many generations to come, that very branch between them possible on their side of the field, but to the Shadowhunters it would mean a worrying uprise and alliances.

Not that Alec cares. As soon as this is over, he can start to work on whatever he feels for Magnus, to spend every waking day he breathes with him. He'll be all about Magnus, everything he does revolving and _evolving_ around the only man he’ll probably ever love. His mind already is, but it's not without being clouded, poisoned by the enemy that's patiently waiting for him to return.

One day, he'll dream like this without that poison. One day, he’ll wake up and not having to worry about dying or losing control, because Magnus will be there by his side.

At least, that’s what he hopes will happen. He may not be holy anymore, but _God, please_ let him have this. Let him have Magnus. Let Alec love him and give him what that beautiful man deserves.

No more pain, no more heartbreak. Alec will make sure of it.

“I’ll need to magic you back into your old clothes, along with all the extras that you had before. I doubt you would have done a pit stop to change and freshen up before returning when you've lost control,” Magnus speaks once more, and Alec hums at that, smile fading as Magnus returns to the task at hand, “It won’t be real, but it’ll play the part,” he finishes the last noodle and places the box aside, “You’ll need to take something of mine back with you to prove your success, and act like you’re still as you were when you left Valentine.”

“Mad, bloodthirsty, a little twitch in my eye?” Alec replies, placing a carrot slice on his tongue.

“Hmm,” Magnus places a thumb along his bottom lip, thinking, “Not that I remember. You didn’t blink at all, your eyes glazed over with this darkness --“

“Magnus,” Alec interrupts before Magnus starts to piece together the whole picture in full, not wanting him to remember that side of him, “I know.”

The warlock nods, sighing and placing a hand to his chest, gently rubbing to ease the ache in his windpipe, remembering the image of Alec standing there, intent on ending him.

He's already too late in trying to save him from that imagery, because Magnus has the clear image of Alec reaching out in his mind, the darkness swallowing his hazel eyes. There's no hiding from that, and Magnus fears that the image will keep coming back no matter how hard he tries to forget. 

Shaking off the edge, Magnus forces a smile to try and overwrite the emotions he's feeling, “If you show yourself first and get him to talk, not talking back or being minimal about it, we can distract him enough for me to move in and ship him off to Idris.”

“Idris?”

“Yes, the Shadowhunter capital -- you remember that right?”

“I, --" Alec pauses, tongue lifting to speak but halting, scared that he suddenly remembers a place he's never been to before, at least not in his current memories, “I do.”

Magnus blinks, surprised, “You do?”

Shaking his head and forcing his eyes shut, Alec doesn’t want to deal with memories surfacing right now, because he needs to focus on the present, not the past.

“I don’t want to talk about that now, but why are you sending him to Idris in the first place? Don’t you want to make sure this never happens again? He’s escaped before from what I’ve heard, he’ll do it again.”

“That would be the easiest way out for him,” Magnus sighs, looking a little stern, “Justice needs to be served, and don’t worry, we'll both have our revenge before I send him off,” Alec looks a little calmer now, “I can promise you that, he won’t be living in luxury. Far from it.”

Magnus stands up, brushing down his trousers and adjusting his collar. He needs to make a call before Alec and himself head out to visit Valentine.

“Be ready in about ten minutes,”

“Why do I need ten minutes?” Alec’s face slowly shifts.

“You do, and don’t ask why,” he's about to protest, but Magnus steps forward and places a finger over Alec's lips, “You’ll know, my dear. You’ll know.”

Bending down a little, he places a single kiss against his forehead, the demon feeling the tension bleed from his body. His eyes begin to close, breathing simmering to that if he was asleep, and the world becomes a little brighter. He kisses him just once, Magnus’ hand slowly cupping his face and bringing his head up.

Pulling away is the hardest part, because he can see Alec's smile become bright when he's this close. Magnus smiles back, brushing his thumb across his cheek before stepping back. If he stays any longer, the drug that is Alec will blur everything else.

“Okay,” his words were soft, gentle, “I trust you.”

Magnus smiles a little brighter as Alec says that, patting his cheek twice before moving away completely. He'll make the phone call while Alec deals with the Soul Sword, taking it back under his control again.

Taking out his phone, Magnus looks down to read no notifications, and he hopes Isabelle hasn’t got herself into unnecessary trouble by diverting them to the Jade Wolf. Pressing the call button, Magnus lifts the phone to his ear and waits for the usual tones to come through, one at a time until rustling sounds on the other end.

_“Magnus?! Are you okay?”_

He smiles, closing his eyes and breathing a small sigh that she's at least alive and talking, “I’m quite alright, darling. How are you?”

 _“Cut the crap, what happened?”_ She seems out of breath, Magnus assuming from running and trying to find Alec with other Shadowhunters.

“Well, he’s here,” Magnus looks up from the ground to where Alec is, standing straight and slowly reaching for the sword, “And he tried to kill me, but we’re good.”

_“What? I’ll send my team over now.”_

“No, deary. I swear, he’s fine,” he watches as Alec plucks the sword from the wall, black veins travelling up his hand, slowly fading as quick as they appear, _“We’re_ fine.”

Isabelle sighs, Magnus hearing the burn of a drawing stele on skin.

_“I still don’t trust him, but I trust you –- so I guess I have no choice.”_

Alec examines the sword, turning it and watching the moonlight glimmer along the smooth, sharp edge, highlighting the shape of the weapon. He seems to be under control, the black veins that usually reach out when he holds it no longer there. It's a start, at least. There's still a long way to go.

And it's a step that makes Magnus smile, tilting his head as he leans back against the kitchen wall.

“You should come visit him. Quite charming, might be a little annoying, but he grows on you.”

_“Oh, he’s grown on you, has he? How did that happen?”_

“Excellent cook, heavenly smile, bit of a bad boy --“

_“Magnus, as much as I’d love to talk about your demon crush, I really have to get going. They're still trying to locate Alec ever since he’s been on our radar. Please be careful, especially if you care this much about him, because they practically forgot about Valentine as soon as he appeared.”_

The warlock can’t help the tiny smirk that begins to appear, “Ah, don't worry about that,” he lifts his hand, letting a small spark of magic dance around an elevated fingertip, “We have a plan.”

There's silence for a while on the other end of the line, _“Don’t leave me in suspense Magnus.”_

“Sorry dear, I just wanted to savour the moment that I doubted would ever come to light,” Isabelle sighs again, but Magnus can hear the smile on her face, “We know where Valentine is, and we’ll be sending him to Idris on his knees by the crack of dawn.”

She gasps, gripping the phone tighter,  _“You do? How --”_ Isabelle pauses for a moment, quickly putting the pieces together,  _“Alec! He remembers where he summoned him?”_

“He never expected him to break out the trance.”

_“I don’t think Alec did either, he probably thought feelings would never be something for him to have.”_

“Hmm?” Magnus is still watching Alec, noticing him lift and sheath the Soul Sword gently on his back. He didn’t even need ten minutes to take back control, and Magnus is surprised at how quick he's starting to believe in himself a bit more.

 _“Feelings?”_ Magnus scoffs at that,  _“Argue with me all you want, but no one does something as stupid as trusting a greater demon. Love makes you do stupid things, and I bet Alec has done some stupid things too just to spend time with you.”_

Magnus recalls the time Alec brought back coconuts for him, and something clicks. But that's just needing company, right? That's not love, it's too early to say that.

As Alec turns around, he smiles at him, catching his eyes and giving a little gentle wave with his hand. Alec looks healthy, but in reality he's a little tired and needing a hug. Overall, he's Alec again, _his_ Alec.

Then he remembers the time Magnus called him over to discuss Valentine, but it turned into a little dinner date that he constantly tells himself wasn’t a dinner date at all. An uplifting and casualdiscussion that distracted them from life for a few hours, that's what it was, but they wouldn’t have got this far in stopping Valentine if they didn’t trust each other so openly.

Magnus smiles, waving back at Alec who beams brighter at the reply. They're at opposite ends of the room, but they still feel too far apart.

He’s spent so long looking at Alec readjusting his hair with a soft expression that he forgets about Isabelle. She coughs sarcastically on the other end, Magnus hearing the tap of a heel on marble.

_“Are you done reminiscing my friend? You love birds can kiss all you want after Valentine is arrested.”_

“And what about that?”

_“Hmm?”_

“Letting Alec go,” he hears Alec’s breath halt at that, “He isn’t going to cause trouble or be a problem to your Shadowhunter squad once this is all over.”

_“I wish I could tell you yes, because I’ve never seen you smile as much at the Institute since a week or two after you summoned him, I understand that now. He obviously makes you happy, and I want to make you happy by letting you guys live peacefully, but ultimately it’s the Clave who will be making that decision.”_

“And I can’t say I’ve been running a demon hotel?”

Alec muffles a little _'rude'_  at that comment, which Magnus chuckles at.

_“Unfortunately, no, it’ll risk your High Warlock status. I don’t think Alec will want that if he’s as good as you say he is.”_

Letting his head fall back against the wall, closing his eyes and breathing out, Magnus feels the small amount of hope drain away.

Alec begins to walk over to him, hands reaching out to gently hold Magnus’ waist. His thumbs smooth small circles over the fabric of his shirt at the top of his hip bone, placing a soft kiss on the side of his exposed neck.

Magnus’ entire body gains this lift, feeling the dread trickle away like small drops of rain, the hold of Alec and security enough to open his eyes to reality again.

And Alec is there, smiling at him from where he's hovering near his neck, lips brushing once more before settling his head on his shoulder.

“It’s alright Isabelle, we’ll find a way.”

_“I really hope you do, Magnus. I’ll keep in touch, I’m sure the Clave will announce a celebration party once he’s captured.”_

“A party you say?” Magnus asks, placing his free hand on Alec's back, "I didn't think Shadowhunters were that exciting."

Alec closed his eyes once more, lashes framing his cheeks gently, hugging Magnus closer.

_"Of course! I’m hoping the famed party king himself will show.”_

“Oh, you mean me?” smirking in glee, Magnus bringing the hand previously on Alec's back to cup the back of Alec’s head, trailing red nails through the small strands of raven hair.

The demon hums, Magnus feeling the vibration on the side of his neck and shoulder.

Each little kiss he places now and then is a promise, a promise for more some time in the future. If this is what Alec is like in small moments, then Magnus wonders of the Alec behind closed doors.

 _Stop it, Magnus --_ he thinks, struggling to keep his curiosity contained.

The only reason he's managing to ignore it is because of the phone, _and_ because of the whole situation they're in. There's no time for fun and games, not until they can breathe freely.

Biting his lip, he tries to concentrate on what's going on, not Alec. And Alec seems to know his distraction techniques are slowly starting to work on Magnus, not that they were intended to be that in the first place.

_“Are you two seriously going at it while I’m on the phone with you?”_

“Not at all _,”_ Alec chuckles beneath him, lowering his head even more to place a single kiss to the knife’s edge of Magnus' collarbone, “It seems my original thought is now overwritten, because I’ll have my own celebration once all this is over.”

Magnus grips his hair a little tighter, pulling the demon back up slowly to look at his eyes, red running around the hazel shards like electrical currents. He's holding back the urges, even though they're on the cusp of breaking free, Magnus being the anchor he needs. Either way, the man staring back at Magnus, with no doubt, is a walking sin.

His cheeks are a little blushed, Magnus smirking at the sly innocence Alec somehow has, bringing his hand around to run his thumb along the bottom lip of the greater demon.

 _“I’m definitely not coming over for a few days then.”_ Isabelle laughs, Magnus laughing with her as Alec smiles at the look of joy on Magnus’ face.

Alec can hear the conversation, but decides not to say anything.

“Take care, Isabelle.”

_“You know I will, take care of yourself too -– and your little demon friend, I guess.”_

Magnus quirks a brow, “He's _not_ little --“

_“I don’t want to hear any more of that sentence. Now please, go and do us all a favour. Fix the mess we can't ourselves.”_

Hanging up the phone with a sigh, he places it back into his pocket. With two arms free, he wraps them around Alec, hugging him closer.

“I was on the phone,” Magnus tries to frown, sounding serious, but Alec doesn't believe any of it.

“I know,” he laughs against his skin, moving up a second later to kiss his cheek, but Magnus moves away, teasing him, “And I was bored.”

“Important phone calls are important for a reason, Alec.”

“All you did was talk about me, so I added _me_ to the conversation a little more.” the demon winks again, and Magnus can't help but drop the already failing stern expression, turning to one of happiness.

“And I appreciate every second,” Magnus finally kisses him again, just once, slowly breaking away. Alec chases him, but holds himself back after realising that's not him, but the urges to be closer. Feelings flutter in the demon’s stomach, especially when Magnus gently moves his thumb across his cheek  _“Every_ second, Alec.”

Alec pulls back from him completely, knowing it might be hard to let go in a few minutes when they'll have to leave. Magnus follows, the itch of his own need to be closer to someone after so long pushing him forward, but Alec places a hand to his chest, fingers splayed and feeling the warmth of the Prince’s skin through his silken shirt, thumb reaching to push one of the suspenders a little.

“We’ll have plenty of seconds after this,” Alec cups his face with his other hand, admiring the deep chocolate of his eyes, dark, incredibly sweet and inviting, “Seconds,” he places a gentle kiss to his nose, Magnus closing his eyes, “Minutes,” Alec moves down, tilting his head to kiss Magnus softly on the lips, but he doesn't stay long as he pulls away,  _“Hours."_

“A lifetime,” Magnus whispers in reply, interrupting him just as he's about to kiss his neck, matching it with the third word of time, settling it like a hushed secret into Magnus’ skin, only for Magnus to feel and remember –- a reminder.

 _“A lifetime.”_ Alec repeats, final, spoken in the same soft and whispered tone, kissing the dip of his collar bone where the darkest shadow casts on his body.

Magnus is content. He's slowly falling in love –- Isabelle is right.

Being with Alec shouldn’t be easy, it should be difficult with everything standing in their way. Especially with who he _is,_ _what_ he is. But despite that, Magnus wants to battle, to fight just for this feeling -- breaths mingling, hands searching yet found, eyes smiling instead of their lips, the ease of their kisses and tickling memories of a past lifetime where they've done this times before.

 _God,_ she's so right.

But this is so _wrong._

_It should be wrong, but it feels so right._

_Rules are made to be broken,_ or at least that’s what a demon like Alec would say. Magnus is about to say it too if the smile and expression of one similar to his own doesn’t stop looking back.

Alec looks so happy, he feels warm and his body doesn’t carry a tension that he used to hold to keep himself afloat. He's walking on his own, small claws still digging into him in places, but nothing he can't vanish over time.

He can’t believe Magnus said he’d spend all those future seconds, those minutes and hours with Alec. The deal says _no,_ the Shadowhunters will say no, and Magnus’ pride and experience says _no, -_ \- but here he is, beaming back at him and showing no signs of taking it back.

“I can’t believe you just said that.” Alec begins to shake his head in disbelief, inhaling a breath that halts the shake in his knees, originally thinking of what Magnus will say in reply. He's essentially breaking the contract already.

“I can’t believe any of this is happening. This isn't meant to happen, not us, _this,"_ poking his chest softly, Magnus opens his hand, heartbeat of the demon thumping like bass over the surface of his skin, "And yet, here we are."

“And… is that a bad thing?”

 _“No,”_ the reply is immediate, “Nothing about you is bad, Alec. _Nothing,”_ Magnus steps closer, bringing his head down to kiss just above the tip of his own thumb, just where he can feel Alec’s heart thump. He remains there for a moment longer, feeling the longer, relaxed exhale of the demon travel down the back of his neck, “Let no one tell you that, ever. Because I won’t, I never will."

As he meets Alec’s eyes again, they're smiling along with his lips, bumping his forehead to Magnus’ softly.

“You’re a drug, Magnus.”

“And you’re a sin I want to keep committing.”

They both laugh, holding onto each other, staying close. Of course there's a desire to delete the space between them, but not for the heat or roar of passion. They do it because they need a weight to hold, a stable ground to walk on around each other, knees feeling wobbly with love -- but they hold each other up, stronger, equally, never-ending.

Separating but never leaving, hips hanging close and touching like ghosts, Magnus speaks the words to start their fight to be together, for as long as a lifetime will be.

“Let’s go end this, so we can start _us."_ Whispering the words on the demon’s lips, only they can hear, and only them.

Alec nods at the warlock’s words, kissing him one last time before stepping back.

Moving around the room, they collect the things they need and discuss the plan as they go. Only ten minutes pass when Magnus portals them out of the apartment, arriving on a roof near the supposed location of Valentine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this was worth the wait, see you next update! <3 if updates are late, I usually explain why on my twitter account @karasunoflyy :)


	8. Omamori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've planned a lot of extras for once it's done, like the two epilogues, but after that I'll have to see what time I have and if you guys are still interested!
> 
> some of you might not like what happens towards the end, considering it's something people like a lot about what happened in the show, but we'll see. :') hope you'll like it!
> 
> also, Amarytha did it AGAIN and made another amazing [fanart](https://twitter.com/Amarytha_art/status/928180208020180992) that honestly did the scene just how I pictured it!! please go give her a follow if you haven't already!!  
> my beta also made this [gif](https://twitter.com/untilucamealong/status/922110361775550465) a while ago giving Alec some demon eyes, which has helped me write them in previous chapters and todays! 
> 
> and a big thank you to EVERYONE who reads this fic, the support is amazing - from comments to people recommending it - as I hope I can keep the chapters as entertaining as the previous
> 
> thank you for all your support, I love you all! 
> 
> #ODSfic

“Yeah, this is the place,” Alec gestures to the warehouse in the distance. “That’s the building he’s hiding in.”

After receiving the glamour to look like the walking zombie he was before, Alec and Magnus portalled onto this rooftop exactly a mile away from Valentine's location. Magnus has his spell book in hand, keeping it close to his chest.

It's the only item Magnus deems worthy stealing, and of course Alec tried to persuade him otherwise because he's terrified of losing it, but he lost that argument.

Magnus doesn’t accept the word defeat or _what if this happens instead_ because he knows with certainty that this night is going to be a success. He trusts Alec, believes in him, knowing this plan could go wrong but still holding himself strong, a little faulty at the edges.

And he'd be worried if he wasn’t, quite frankly. If there's no fear or reluctance to do this, then Alec isn’t going to be prepared if something does go wrong. He won’t see it coming if he doesn’t expect it. Their lives will be at risk of a man who's willing to do anything to get what he wants.

Seeing Alec covered in blood again, clothes ripped from the harpoon he didn’t know of just yet, it pains Magnus. At least this time he isn’t pumped full of demon blood, ordered to go find the man standing right next to him. But just imagining what Valentine did to get him so weak, to force him against his own will, it's nothing short of sickening. Alec wouldn’t willingly let Valentine do that, and Magnus can't think of the words to describe how much that twists his stomach. He forced Alec to be the monster people think he is, and Magnus won't fall victim to that, _never._ Magnus has enough years of experience to see Alec as nothing more than a troubled soul.

What's even more painful, is that he's going to have to pretend like he's lost control. It's not been long since he lost it for real, and the cold lingering fear still weighs heavy in Alec's chest. He's pretending to be something he's not, needing to hate everything and everyone, to let embers search and burn.

He grips Magnus' hand a little tighter, still holding it long after the portal vanished. It's for comfort, mainly, and Magnus doesn't have the heart to let go. Neither of them want to do this, but they need to.

Alec has to brave through this, not only for himself, but for Magnus and the Downworld. He could also say the Shadowhunters, but deep down, as of right now, he only cares for the Downworld. The angels casted him down, so why would he do anything for their blessed warriors? Putting people into a situation when they never asked for it, a constant threat of extinction every second of the day and every breath being their possible last. That’s what Alec wants to prevent, to make sure every breath Magnus takes is one he won't have to worry about, or _one less_ thing to worry about.

Taking a deep breath, Alec takes a step forward, keeping Magnus with him as their hands stay locked. They took hold of each other's hands when they stepped through Magnus’ portal, but neither of them had plans of letting go when reaching the other side. Soothing, warm pulses comforting Alec as they stay in contact, feeling safer and more in control of himself with the warlock by his side.

Staring at the shadowed building in the distance is much less intimidating when Magnus is squeezing his hand, thumb gently caressing Alec’s wrist and feeling the slight bump of veins.

“When this is all over, I demand a good night sleep before we do anything else.” Alec swallows thickly, taking his eyes from the building and towards Magnus, waiting to hear his reply to that.

“I whole heatedly agree.” softly smiling, Magnus steps closer to him, placing a hand to his stomach, easing the nerves present there. “Nothing but sleep and warmth. Maybe even some hot chocolate and another excellent breakfast.”

Alec beams. “You really liked it?”

“Of course. It was expertly seasoned,” Magnus pats his stomach gently, moving his hand a bit higher, avoiding the dried blood and placing it at the side of his neck. Alec’s chin and neck are stained a deep red, but he doesn’t dare let it take away from the beauty of Alec’s face. “I wonder if you remember those skills from your past somehow. Muscle memory may not be erased so easily like mental ones can. Your body can’t be changed unless it’s basically rebooted.”

“But… isn’t that what happened?” he tilts his head, letting Magnus’ hand move up to the short strands of hair on the side of his head, hearing the scratch of his nails.

Magnus sighs, wishing he could hug him and tell him he knew exactly why.

“One day, we’ll figure this all out. For now, all we can do is guess, but it seems you’re slowly recovering past things the more active you are here and not in Edom.”

Alec blinks, looking away in thought before coming back, noticing the sudden dread in Magnus’ eyes. He knows it's not about the mission, but something else.

Alec and his past.

What if he remembers everything and doesn’t see the need to stay by Magnus’ side anymore? Going back to his past or his family -- if he even has one -- Magnus won't need to help him anymore, nor will he need to rescue him from the people who want him gone. This is a conversation for another time, but right now, Magnus is the only reason he is still here and not back in Edom.

One; because he's the only warlock with enough power to send him back. Two; Alec finds Magnus interesting, and he can't remember the last time he did. _Hell,_ he can’t even remember the last time someone has given him the time of day to let him talk and not threaten his life. And that’s because there never has been -- _only_ Magnus.

Would he be the same person he is now if it hadn’t been Magnus? If they had given him the same attention and chances the warlock has done? Maybe, maybe not –- Alec doesn’t know and care. He's been given Magnus, and he can't begin to think of someone or something replacing him.

Granted, it hasn’t been perfect if they're on about first encounters, but it's led to this, staring at each other with enough care and wonder to stop time and let the world learn what falling in love feels like.

This is it for Alec. There's no going back now, letting himself _feel_ and pushing the demonic screams aside, to let someone _in._

If he fucks this up, if this misery that Valentine has conjured doesn’t end tonight – Alec doesn’t deserve Magnus.

No failing this time.

The plan's clear, Alec being the one to distract and lure Valentine into thinking he still has control over him. Only then will Magnus strike, locking him up with magic to give some  _friendly_ words of advice before sending him off to Idris.

At least, that’s what they want to happen. Putting the plan into play and making it work is going to be the hardest thing they’ve ever done. Pushing introductions aside, this is going to be an event that will allow them to start thinking about something  _more_ _._ relationship. Alec's not sure what to label what they are right now, but they don't really need one when they can't see a future without turmoil. Foundations need to be set first, to let their relationship grow into whatever it wants to be.

“I just remembered,” Alec's face goes blank, looking down then back to the building. “He has a young warlock there.”

“A warlock?’

“She-- she was so small, I think they -- he used her to get through to me,” Alec looks even more distraught than he did two minutes ago.

There's a sharp inhale, gritting his teeth and grinding them from the sudden regret. What if it's too late to save her?

 _“Fuck,_ this is all my fault--”

“Alec -- don’t,” Magnus interrupts quickly, not needing to listen and have Alec explain. Valentine is annoying and sickeningly smart, and there's no doubt he used the humanity Alec still has to crush him to his very knees. “You need to focus. Don’t let that break you, it’s how he did last time,” he watches Alec visibly cringe. “Right?”

Magnus is right, and the smile that graces the warlock’s features soothes the aching guilt Alec feels clinging to his bones. He can perhaps fix his mistakes from before right now, and maybe even gain something more from it.

“Okay.” taking a deep breath, Alec closes his eyes, dipping his head back a little to let the anger seep from beneath the surface of his skin.

Returning his focus to the horizon and Valentine kickstarts the adrenaline once again, his fingertips feeling numb and the slight clench of his stomach. Everything could and can go wrong here, but it can also go the way they plan.

To think in a few hours, Alec could be asleep in Magnus’ arms, inhaling the warmth and security he offers freely, lulling him into a comfortable sleep that doesn’t allow nightmares to gallop through his mind.

“Now,” placing a ringed hand on Alec’s back, Magnus draws small circles with his thumb at the dip of his spine. “I’ll see you soon.”

Alec smiles at him, but it's not for long, knowing this might be the last time he sees that smile on his face. And Magnus thinks the same.

“Magnus, if something happens--” he's silenced once again, this time by Magnus’ forefinger, the warlock ignoring the feeling of dried blood on Alec's bottom lip to stop the words falling from his mouth.

Not even supernatural beings of Magnus’ proportion can change fate.

Alec watches as Magnus moves his finger away, his smile now gone, too.

“Whatever it is you have to say, save it for our date.”

Alec huffs. “Our _date.”_

“Yes,” Magnus smiles again. It's little, but it's there. _“Our_ date.”

Shaking his head, the demon laughs quietly to himself.

“Shit, I can’t believe I still asked you,” Looking away, then to his hand where he flexes his fingers, he realises he let go of Magnus' hand, not noticing until now. “I really need a filter.”

Rearing his head back, Magnus quirks a brow. “You never really _asked_ me, just mentioned it. But, are you taking it back?”

“No! No, I’d never,” Alec surrenders, raising both hands and panicking at Magnus’ offended expression. “I meant every word.”

Teasing Alec will always have its ups and downs, one being if Alec even understands him. The initial fear of offending Magnus simmers, huffing when Magnus pats his shoulder. 

“Focus, Alec,” Stepping back, he crosses his arms to take in Alec's state, ignoring his earlier fears of remembering the event. If he holds himself back because of that, then they'll both be back at square one -- back with the rumours and accusations of a man people barely know.

“Kind of hard to,” He breathes a deep sigh, rolling his shoulders and twiddling his thumbs. “I don’t want to disappoint you – _again.”_

“The only way you can do that is not cooking me a breakfast the next time we wake up.”

Alec quirks a brow of his own.

“Are you implying something?”

“What?” Alec gives him a _look,_ and Magnus laughs. “Take it as you will, demon,” He winks, stepping aside and gesturing his hands beside him, like he's letting someone through a door first. “Go kick some ass, because I am also waiting to do the same.”

Giving the warlock one last smile, Alec walks to the edge of the roof, looking out onto the street and then back to Magnus. He stays like that for a moment, looking at him for a few more seconds, remembering a face he might not see again.

Sharp angles, yet a soft smile. Graceful posture, yet strong foundations. A man of excellence, intelligence and beauty. He's everything under the word perfection, and Alec can’t wait to discover more, to learn from an _idol_  people look up to. A strong leader, a person to put his people first and not himself.

That in the end might break them apart, but Alec knows the importance of his role and how much it means to him.

Wiggling his nose, Alec steps up onto the ledge, letting gravity plummet him to the ground. Mundanes can’t see him, so as Alec lands gracefully, concrete shattering in a circular wave beneath his feet, he becomes a silent predator.

And today, the hunter will become the hunted.

\- - - - - 

 

Rats skitter across the floor, trying to find their next scrap. One finds crumbs, it’s family following from squeaks of victory.

The crumbs are left carelessly by one of Valentine’s guards, luring the small creatures closer with the food, entertaining them while they wait for the inevitable return of the Swordsman. Valentine isn’t with them, not finding the rats an entertaining sight at all. It just reminds him of what he hates, what his entire goal is; to rid the world of demons.

Not many agree with his ideals, well, seemingly everyone doesn’t except him and his followers. Maybe a few stragglers and important people in the Clave, but they're more than aware of when to keep their mouth shut and when not to. Valentine on the other hand, has thrown that theoretical zip away a long time ago, drove mad by using the blood he despises to make himself more powerful.

And all it gave him was greed, stupidity and an endless hunger for power he can't obtain. It's truly madness, restless nights and lungs heavy until he achieves what he's set himself out to do. Adrenaline keeps him awake, a constant reminder of the future he sees inside to what he currently does. And now, he's one step closer with the Soul Sword practically in his grasp, tying up lose ends for him without even breaking a sweat himself.

He's flipping a coin in his hand, ears perked like a wolf if he was one, waiting for the sign of the demon’s arrival.

That sign is the rats running away from his men, fleeing in a large group into the darkness of the warehouse, away from the hovering red eyes lurking in the shadows. Valentine is the first to spot them, eyes like a flashlight pointed at the animal in the dark. Bright, red and downright _demonic._

Alec walks out of the shadows with Magnus’ spell book in hand, posture raised high and jaw clenched shut. He has to hold back every instinct that tells him to _squeeze_ the sins out of the man, a gentle hum of a growl in his throat. Alec has to follow the plan set out, otherwise Valentine may get away again, and Alec is tired of chasing prey when he's so close to ending the hunt.

Valentine makes it difficult, _extremely_ difficult when he smiles in glee at the demon approaching, breaking almost every lock Alec conjured to cage the demon inside. Flipping the coin one last time, he catches it, swinging himself around and spreading his arms wide.

“Welcome home, Swordsman,” And Alec has never cringed so much in his life.

To call him, this place –  _home?_ He speaks it as if it's law, a well known fact.

Alec's jaw twitches, clenching the spell book in his hand that would've crumbled beneath the force if Magnus’ name wasn’t attached to it.

Alec didn’t have a home. He didn’t think he needed one, and he could guess where he _would_ call home, or _someone._ But not _here,_ never in his immortal life would he ever label _this_ home.

“You took quite a long time. I expected the _slug_ to put up quite a fight, but not that much,” He takes a step forward as Alec stops, right where he'd been summoned before. The pentagram is still hot, and Alec can feel the heat simmer in his bones, the rage slowly trickling through his veins. Magnus’ plan is the only thing keeping him steady. “Maybe you aren’t all that dangerous after all.”

Grunting, he throws the book to the floor, not wanting to, but having to play the part. The Soul Sword is there on his back still, black as night, sharp as a secret. Valentine looks from Alec to the book, seeing that grin cut like a knife to the corners of his mouth, and at that moment Alec feels the sword shake behind him.

It works for Alec now, not the other way around. Magnus had a play in that, but Alec doesn’t understand how just yet.

“Splendid. Not only did you win, but you managed to obtain the most prized object from him. I didn’t even ask for it, how did you know?” Gesturing for one of his men to pick up the book, Valentine keeps his distance.

Alec doesn’t respond, knowing he only replies with one or two words before from what Magnus told him;  _Say nothing at all to him, but if you must, make it count._

His eyes never leave Valentine as the guard approaches, eyes flicking between the book and Alec in anticipation of the worst. Just going near Alec and feeling the dark, _heavy_ aura radiate is enough to shake even the most steel of men to their core. He kneels, hand beginning to shake in new-born fright, keeping his entire focus on the demon as he takes hold of the book.

Valentine clicks his tongue at seeing one of his warriors turn to mush. Taking a step forward, he grabs his collar, yanking him back and stumbling to a stand. Manoeuvring the guard’s ear towards his lips, Valentine looks at the tremble of the guard’s jaw as he speaks.

“I didn’t give you this gift to be afraid of the things you are _made_ to slay. He is under our command, feeding a demon fear is the dumbest thing you can do,” He shoves him away, the man stumbling before gathering his senses. “Take the book to the girl, let her learn everything she wants.”

The young warlock is still here then, alive. Unless there's someone new, he doesn’t know, but it's a chance to save her if this plan works out. At least Valentine has taken the bait, but he can't risk it dragging on too long.

Magnus must be near, he should be. Alec has full faith he’ll be here when he needs him, but Alec’s patience is slowly crumbling. Calling this place Alec’s _home,_ treating Magnus as if he's _dirt -_ it sickens him more than the blood that runs through his veins.

“You never answered my question, demon,” Valentine looks back to Alec. “How did you know?”

Silence.

And that has Valentine questioning everything. He watches the slow shift in Alec’s posture, and Valentine’s own heart begins to shake in its rotten cage.

Cracks slowly form in the concrete of the dam, the only mental thing holding his power back, fires reaching over the top as Alec slowly lets the fuel _burn._ Everything Valentine has done _is_ the fuel to his fire, and every small mistake he makes brings Alec more greed, more sins to drive every tendon in his muscles. Valentine has  _no_ knowledge of Alec being allies with the man he was sent to defeat, and that makes Alec  _giddy_ with the feeling of an impending fight.

Valentine remains where he stands, even when the deep black void of Alec’s eyes begin to crack, rifts forming and breaking across the surface. Red and orange shine through, like claws reaching out from Edom themselves and setting Alec’s eyes ablaze. Even the sword’s runes begin to burn, embers slowly licking their way out of the void, cascading up and down the blade of the Soul Sword.

With the heat of the flames, the tip of the blade is now bright, fading to a dark red halfway up and then remaining black at the hilt. The red in Alec’s pupils begin to fade outwards, running along his skin like veins across his temple as the demonic blood pulses, reducing his heart rate to one of a dead man.

The smirk that crawls its way onto Alec’s lips is no joke, head tilting slowly as he watches the little movements in Valentine’s form. Unsure, shaken, the evil not wanting to admit defeat and losing the only weapon he has right now to defeat the Downworld.

He should have taken the sword when he had the chance.

“I think they should have made you the fallen one and not me, considering you’re doing a stellar job at being everything this world hates.” Alec replies, voice having a distinct, underlying primal _growl._

“Harpoon! _Now!”_ Valentine shouts, stepping out of the way as Alec remains still.

But this time, Alec is ready, and he's waiting.

By the time Valentine commands the order, the harpoon has already been fired directly at Alec’s back. And with the fury and will to protect Magnus, as well as the entire Downworld, he evades it with skilled ease.

Tilting to the side, Alec’s hand catches the harpoon while it's in flight, metal burning his hand, grunting and gritting his teeth together from the speed at which he has to stop it. He feels his muscles ache, screaming for the held tension to _snap._  Now that the Soul Sword is working with him, his power elevates to a new level, unlimited, but still with much to learn.

Thinking it's made an impact, the claws of the harpoon open, waiting for the activation to tug back – but the operator doesn’t have the nerve to do it.

Because when Alec slowly looks over his shoulder, red eyes taking a mental hold of the guard inside the operation centre, the raw  _fear_ on his face fuels his thirst for such an emotion.

The only thing stopping him from burning this entire building down is Magnus, the young warlock that's hopefully still here, and his promise not to take any lives.

They’d serve their time. There's no easy way out for them – but, they _are_ Shadowhunters, which means they can take a bit of a beating.

Grinning with canines elongated in this state of power, Alec places one leg forward and _yanks_ the hand holding the harpoon. All the tension in Alec’s muscles releases like a spring, pulling the two tonne digger into the air and over the top of Alec, almost like he's trying to use it as a whip.

It crashes on the floor in front of him, old concrete shattering from the weight of the machine and gravity itself impacting full force. Alec releases his grip on the harpoon, letting it snap back against the claw of the digger. At least they can’t use that against him anymore. The Shadowhunter that was operating the machine is now trapped inside its metal cage, unconscious but alive for Magnus to teleport to Idris later.

And with Valentine on the run, Alec catching a glimpse of his back before he disappears round a corner, the plan is underway – a little different than what Magnus wanted, but he's falling into the same trap. Looks like Valentine is intelligent enough to realise he can’t win in a battle on his own against Alec.

But demons never play fair, at least not when it comes to fulfilling their duties.

Alec looks around as he straightens his posture, trembling guards staying behind because of orders, holding their seraph blades like it's a lifeline. They must have been sent to slow Alec down, and that's _hilarious_ to Alec.

Smiling, he turns to the people circling him, clicking his tongue.

“Oh boy, this is exciting,” He unsheathes his sword, the sound of metal against metal bouncing of the walls, the flames growing wild at the tip. “Which one of you charming people is going first?”

They all take turns looking at each other, all hating the person standing next to them. Alec lets his vision fall on each one, seeing the betrayal clear on their faces, written in plain sight when it's probably meant to be invisible ink.

“I don’t have all year, I have a date to plan,” Alec mumbles, resting the sword on his shoulder and placing a hand on his hip. “Or you could just, run away and I’ll let you go?”

Alec hears every single one of the Shadowhunters release a tense breath, their fingers loosening their grip on the blades and one by one, take steps back. Seconds tick by, and when Alec goes to lift his foot, they all turn and run, most in a singular direction, others fleeing the way Alec arrived back inside the warehouse.

But Alec isn’t going to let them get away, not when they work for the man he despises with every flame that burns in Edom.

Lowering the sword from his shoulder, he turns it round, gripping both hands on the hilt and igniting the flames over the palms of his hands. Then, he brings it up slowly, mumbling demonic words as he chants, calling upon a companion he hasn’t seen since he was summoned here.

Slamming the tip of the blade into the concrete, the impact zone surrounds Alec, but not going too far. Cracks that appears in the concrete floor seem alive as they breathe with steam, moving slowly outwards and curving around, snaking into a central line in front of Alec. Then the glow, red and orange beginning to shine through like dawn, burning with the heat of the sun itself.

A growl makes itself known, the central line in front of Alec parting wider and wider until claws reach out. Paws cling to the edge of the concrete, its age crumbling under the weight and power of Alec’s companion.

From the depths of Edom, out crawls a hellhound, eyes burning with twin rage that matches Alec’s. And once it's resting proudly on all four paws, Alec lifts the sword from the impact zone, requiring a tug from how far it went in, sheathing it and letting the sword grow silent.

The hellhound walks up to Alec, eyes wide and ears cropped, standing tall. A Great Dane, tail moving slowly from side to side. Fur coat coloured ebony, black as night yet shimmering ever so slightly like the blade of a sword. Upon seeing her so healthy, Alec smiles, bringing a hand down to stroke her head, her ears falling back in content.

“Good to see you, friend,” Alec kneels down, face to face with the hellhound. “You ready?”

With the hound nodding once, Alec nods himself and stands again, stepping to the side and clicking his tongue.

“Go fetch.”

Every spring in the hound’s hind legs release the tension they held, the previously content hound snarling and baring teeth as it launches into a sprint. Paw prints burning into the ground as she gallops, containing the heat from when she roamed Edom, sniffing out the enemies and remembering what they look like from Alec’s memory.

While his canine companion is chasing after the majority of the runners, Alec chases after the remaining. Magnus will be the one to capture Valentine.

 - - - - -

 

He can hear the sound of something heavy hit the ground from where he is. Thank the angels Alec is glamoured from mundanes or that would've caused quite a stir.

That sound is also his cue to move in, knowing Valentine will try and whip away as soon as Alec loses control. Granted, it hasn’t gone to plan, but Magnus doesn’t know that yet. As long as he's separated from the others Magnus can move in and capture Valentine once and for all.

Magnus is dressed in a dark blue shirt, speckles of grey and white adorning the fabric and glimmering slightly under the gentle moonlight. A small part of his fringe is dyed white, black suspenders over his shoulders, shiny shoes to match. White liner frames the bottom of his eyes, cat eyes already showing to aid his vision in the darkness of night. He's here to establish his authority, to show Valentine he can’t shake the Downworld to its knees anymore. So as well as looking ready to slay at a party, he's ready to deal some damage.

Summoning another portal, he steps through, determination present on his face as he's suddenly face to face with Valentine. He's running, looking back over his shoulder to check Alec isn’t following him.

Bringing a hand up, he beckons his magic to the surface, pulling it from the core inside his chest, feeling it burn with years of hatred as it snakes up his arm, settling in his hand soon after. Valentine doesn’t see Magnus until the sound of the portal closing gives his position away.

To see a man that's supposed to be dead, magic red with the fury he and many other Downworlders feel, it would shake even the most evil of men to their knees. Magnus isn't a Prince of Edom for  _nothing._

Magnus wastes no time, using that window of sheer panic on Valentine's face to summon a wave of physical energy. It sweeps Valentine off his feet, Magnus moving his arm in a single swift, elegant movement towards the warehouse. The twisted leader collides with the metal, and Magnus can hear the breath pushed from his lungs with force. The aged metal shakes with a twang sound, bending and forcing its way back to its original shape as Valentine falls to the floor. His head has taken most of the impact, Magnus’ hand outstretching as he keeps the magic surrounding him, transparent but there in case he tries to run away.

The element of surprise is their main advantage, working into Magnus’ favour and beginning to weave a new fate himself instead of the evil he’s captured. And the feeling that this is almost over, that Valentine’s reign is ending, it lifts the years of weight and impending horrible futures that awaited the Downworld. No more will this man have a say in their future, to decide who becomes a prisoner or a warrior of the angels.

When Valentine can finally see through the fog of his headache, Magnus stands before him, towering above him, broad shoulders held like a person who knows every thread of his magic.

“You-– you're meant to be _dead.”_   Valentine spits, grunting as he tries to push himself up, but the magic pushes him back, a slight twitch of Magnus' pinky finger being all he needs to control Valentine. 

“Quite comedic, isn’t it?” Magnus frowns, and he'd smirk too if the man in front of him didn’t sicken him so much. “How things don’t always go your way.”

“Scum like you have never understand, anyway. The angels made a mistake with keeping you disgusting creatures here in the first place, and all I’m doing is what I was made to do; slay _demons.”_

The way Valentine speaks is horrific, tone rough and poisoned. It's frighteningly confident for the state he's in, and Magnus doesn't expect any less from a mad man. That, however, doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

“Then why not slay the Swordsman? Why are you running away?” Magnus notices a twitch of the man’s lips, almost as if he's about to snarl more insults at him. “Maybe you aren’t the big bad wolf everyone deems you to be.”

He kneels, hand still outstretched but slowly curving into a fist, pinky finger first then others following. The magic tendrils forming around Valentine’s body cage him tight, pulsing with energy that threatens to burn anything it touches.

“All it takes is one fault in your foolproof plan for all the piggies to blow your house down, am I right? Why wage a war when you don’t have the tools to fight it?”

“I’ll do anything to find freedom for this world, especially risking my own to get the outcome the world so desperately needs.”

Magnus scoffs at his words, watching as he tries to break free of the magical cuffs around his hands.

“I only see you risking your warriors to make sure you get yourself out alive. Using the Swordsman as a weapon when you're aware of the slim chances of  _keeping_ him controlled, that's foolish. But, I have to ask; have you ever read Red Riding Hood?” Valentine doesn't reply to that, looking at him with a sour expression.

“I’m not here to make conversation with you, warlock.” Eventually, the tension makes him speak, not wanting to seem weak.

“Neither am I,” Sighing, Magnus stands up. “Talking to you is wasting oxygen, quite frankly. But you need to learn what mistakes you’ve made, and why you’re wrong in every passion you’ve ever had.”

“Enlighten me then.” Valentine grunts, hoping he can use the time while Magnus speaks to break free or await one of his guards to save him.

“That story, it's about a little girl in a red dress, travelling to her grandmas with a basket full of cookies,” Magnus tilts his head, amused at the confused expression on his face. “She meets a wolf on the way who convinces her to say where her Grandma lives. So, he heads on, eating the grandma when he arrives and using her clothes as a disguise to trick the girl into trusting him.”

Valentine becomes increasingly more annoyed with every word spoken.

“In this situation, you’re the wolf. Using demon blood to strengthen yourself, turning you crazy, just to get what you want? It may not be grandma’s nightgown, but it doesn’t help you in the long run. People can see past your lies, your tricks – _everything.”_ Magnus finally smirks, satisfied with the blank expression on Valentine's face. He's listening.  _Good._ “And where has it gotten you?”

“Stuck with an annoying, mumbling warlock?”

“Flattering, but no,” He clenches his fist more, tightening the magic around the evil’s frame. “Sent to the pound like the dog you are.”

Gritting his teeth together, Valentine grunts, mumbling incoherent words as he tries to break free. Magnus is too strong, his magic too overwhelming, fuelled by the years of suffering and loss of his friends. It's raw, natural magic that's unstable, but Magnus is more than knowledgeable to understand it, to use it. 

“Why the fairy tales? Those are for children, not demonic wastes like you.”

“Because believe it or not, we were all children once. Not much of a genius, are you?” Valentine doesn’t respond. “We are brought up on stories like that, taught that no matter what, good will always outsmart evil. They're stories people have written to give others hope, to let them see a light at the end of the tunnel.”

Sighing, he unclenches his fist, letting Valentine hold that one last moment of hope before Magnus rips it away from him.

Magnus sends him towards the wall again, cold metal aching against the Shadowhunters back.

“But there's no happy ending for you, not in this story. You will never be written one, nor will you be the wall to block the light at the end of the tunnel,”

_“Wait--"_

Magnus uses his free hand to summon a portal beneath him, the sound echoing across the ground as the dirt rumbles like an earthquake.

“And while you rot away in that cell, remember every person you tricked, every home you destroyed. Remember that it's been nothing but a waste of a story you could have made to change lives. We’re perfectly _fine,_  and _my_  world is only in havoc because of scum like you, and frankly, I’m tired of letting you change our fates for us.”

When he's about to release his magic to let Valentine drop into the portal, Magnus halts, watching a sickening grin appear on the man's face, Valentine looking past the warlock's shoulder to something, or _someone_ behind him.

Looking over his shoulder, his eyes widen to the guard coming for him, blood staining his face and seraph blade held high. Magnus holds his breath, torn between letting Valentine go to protect himself or to simply let the warrior win and send Valentine to Idris.

Magnus never gets the chance to make his decision, his saviour unlikely and unheard of.

Alec materialises from ash and flame behind the Shadowhunter, eyes alive with fury. Reaching forward, the demon sinks his claws into the shoulder of the warrior, Soul Sword following and thrusting through his right leg. Screaming from agony, the warrior falls, seraph blade clattering against the floor as he meets the concrete.

Alec still has the glamour Magnus has given him, clothes torn from the harpoon before, blood falling from his lips and now scaling up his arms. Along with the red eyes, shadows crawl up the lengths of his arms as they finish forming his body. He looks at the fallen warrior, their breathing rapid, looking back up to the demon with fear strained over their features, regretting their decision to even try.

“You’re working with the demon?” Valentine questions, looking utterly baffled.

“Weren’t _you?”_ Magnus replies, turning his attention back to Valentine. “You experiment with demon blood, so why can’t I use the same tricks as you? You used him to get what you want, _even_ _when_ you _despise_ everything with demon blood. I know the term fight fire with fire, but to boast about hating and despising us, only to use our own blood against us?”

“Then that just makes you as evil as me, and I’ll make sure to tell every person I meet in Idris that the famous Magnus Bane has betrayed them all."

Alec only takes a second to throw his sword, piercing Valentine’s arm, causing the man to scream from the sudden pain that ricochets out from the wound, the burning heat of the blade. Magnus didn’t expect him to do that, turning slightly to see Alec walking towards Valentine with intent.

“I’d like to see you try,” Alec reaches out, holding Valentine by the collar and pushing his head against the cold metal. “I’m going to make sure that every time you say his name, all you’ll feel is millions of flames dancing over your skin. And you will never – _ever_ – speak foul of him again.”

Hearing that ill intent, the nightmares he wishes upon Valentine - Magnus doesn't know if he should be thankful or afraid.

“And enjoy that injury,because I very much doubt they’ll ever heal it for you. I _pray_ to whatever angels still listen to me that they don’t.” Letting him go, Alec steps back, Soul Sword bleeding venom into the man’s skin, reaping Alec's wishes.

Valentine is forever cursed against saying Magnus’ name, but he’ll remember their faces. He'll especially remember their victory.

Even when he's above a portal to Idris, magical chains around his feet and hands, Valentine still feels like he can win. Maybe a mad man will never feel peace, but now the world doesn’t have to listen to his blind accusations anymore. So when Alec pulls the sword out, stepping back, Valentine only has a few seconds before Magnus’ necklaces swing, magic pushing him down and through the portal, reversing his hand movements afterwards to seal it back up.

And just like that, Valentine is gone.

Somewhere in Idris, Isabelle has a gleeful smile on her face at seeing Valentine, as promised, on his knees in magical chains.

Alec closes his eyes, sheathing the sword and taking the sudden silence as a welcome one.

He feels a gentle hand on his arm, pulling him round into a tight embrace that doesn’t care for the blood stained shirts. Magnus holds him close, face snug into the crook of his neck, Alec nudging his shoulder with his nose. Even if the plan worked, they still don't know of the future that awaits them. That's more scary than anything.

Valentine tried to escape and live to fight another day, but the ambush and surprise of seeing Magnus Bane alive had been his downfall. To trust the very thing he wants to destroy, it'd been foolish, playing with things he simply can't control. In situations like this, sometimes playing dirty is the only way, and Magnus knows that playing by the book isn’t the easiest rule to follow.

Risking themselves, their relationship, their future – for _this._

Whatever _this_ is to them, they don't know, but he has a feeling that in the next few weeks, the real test will begin. Holding Alec has never felt so uplifting, so peaceful, so _right._ Even if he does smell of rotten things right now, he's happy that he can now live his days with one less thing to worry about.

Another battle looms, one where they'll have to face the Clave.

That very conversation will come up at some point, to see if there's a way to make life more like a  _life_ for Alec. Celebrations are going to have to wait for a while, too, especially when the Clave will put all of their resources into finding Alec, but at least now they can breathe a little easier. As tiny as that breath is.

“We did it.” Alec whispers, feeling the overwhelming happiness of success, Magnus still being here, both _alive._

“We did,” Magnus moves them a little, embracing and gripping his hands on Alec’s back a little tighter. “It’s over.”

“It’s over...”

A smile begins to appear on Magnus’ face, knowing it's not truly over, but hearing it from Alec instead of himself makes it feel that bit more real, that he's not dreaming. It's almost _too_ good to be real, that Magnus has never seen or imagined a time where capturing Valentine is possible.

The warrior beside them starts to curse, shouting complaints, and with the flick of Magnus’ wrist, he's sent to Idris through a portal, leaving the two fallen angels in silence again.

Magnus hears a gentle shuffle of steps behind him. Alec is the first to pull back, looking behind Magnus and taking a steady gulp.

Turning slowly, Magnus notices a small girl in a blue dress, pink scarf wrapped around her waist and a tiny denim jacket resting on her shoulders. Magnus’ spell book is hugged against her chest, gills on her neck moving as she looks up at them from where her tiny legs stand. Alec’s hellhound is beside her, small in its puppy form, tail wagging slowly as it waits. One ear is floppy, while the other stands tall, eyes a mismatch of hazel just like Alec’s. The only sign it's a hellhound is the red marking around its right eye. Magnus can tell it's Alec’s through the eyes, and where else would a hellhound come from? In the mundane world, it must shrink to that size to avoid suspicion, only becoming bigger with its true form when Alec commands.

The small girl doesn’t look scared, but her eyes do look from Magnus to Alec every few seconds, lingering on Alec like she isn’t sure what to make of him.

Magnus kneels, gently smiling and trying to seem less intimidating. “And who might you be?” Gentle and calm, that’s how Magnus begins speaking, keeping his eyes towards her at all times.

Nothing. No reply. But what she does do, is offer the spell book back to him, looking from the object to Magnus to check and see if it's his. She can put two and two together, connecting the dots and matching the source of the book's power to Magnus'.

“Oh, thank you,” Magnus takes the book and smiles, placing it in his other hand as he keeps the one that received the book outstretched. “I’m Magnus, we’re here to help you.”

The girl raises an arm, pointing at Alec. Alec feels every ounce of happiness he’s felt in the past five minutes fade to ash. He knows what's coming next, but it doesn't hurt any less.

“Bad man.” She says, and Alec finds himself feeling  _cold,_ turning away to his side and trying not to let the words get to him.

To think that every kid who sees him, every kid that can sense demonic energy will say the same thing, to be disgusted of Alec. It hurts,  _aches_ every time he breathes to see such an innocent little thing call him what their nightmares consist of. Darkness, evil, everything they fear is Alec, and here's the proof.

He’ll never have a kid trust him, not like they can with Magnus. They're the same, both warlocks, and they can look out for each other. Whereas Alec has nothing in common except the demon blood running through his veins.

“No, Alec is not a bad man,” Magnus stands back up, placing his hand in Alec’s that's trembling, squeezing gently. Alec doesn’t look at him, looking to the floor instead, but Magnus is still smiling at him. “See? He doesn’t hurt me,”

She steps one foot closer, Alec’s hellhound still beside her, sitting relaxed.

“He may seem like a bad man, but that’s only what people tell you. He’s actually very kind, and gives the best hugs,” Magnus tugs on Alec’s arm, getting him to at least raise his head a little. There's a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, Magnus finally getting through somehow.

“He's your friend?” She asks, tone intrigued.

“Yes, but he’s tired and needs rest. Maybe you two can talk one day,” Magnus looks at the girl again, then to the small puppy next to her. “That is Alec’s dog, and they helped you find us, didn’t they?”

She nods, bringing her hands together in front of her, and as she nods, her pigtails shake, the pink bows decorating her black hair delicately.

“See? Even his friends are super nice. We aren’t here to scare you like those people have, I’m just like you,” Magnus summons his cat eyes, kneeling down once more and removing his hands from Alec’s. “I can take you to my friend, Catarina. She can look after you and keep you safe until we have time to come and see you.”

Alec finally looks at her, gentle smile on his face despite the blood staining his neck. He lets the glamour fall, putting Alec back into grey sweatpants and the black sweater from before. Now he looks clean, much less like a demon.

It's only then that she walks forward, hand reaching out to take Magnus’.

“Madzie,”

“That’s your name?”

“Yes. I will go see Catarina, and be safe.”

Magnus smiles, giving her a gentle nod and standing up, holding her hand. He turns to Alec after, noticing that he's staring at him, then down to the connected hands of Madzie and Magnus. There's something in Alec’s eyes, a new emotion that swirls like fire in the wind, Magnus not being able to read it, but he does look happy, _hopeful_ even. He doesn’t have time to ask what he's feeling, as Madzie becomes impatient by his side, tugging his hand to leave.

“I’ll see you at home?” Magnus lets the words fall from his mouth before he can catch them.

And he can see the exact moment the words give fuel to Alec’s beating heart, the short intake of breath and a sweet smile growing wider.

“Home,” Alec whispers, the word feeling heavy yet welcome in his mouth. “Yeah, I’ll see you at home.”

 - - - - -

 

Dropping Madzie off at Catarina’s didn’t go as smooth as he’d hoped. She asked him multiple questions about how he managed to defeat Valentine alone, not that she didn’t believe he could, but in the circumstances that they didn’t even know where he was – it's strange. There's a lot of holes in his story, but Magnus promised that in time, he'll tell her everything.

Trust between the two warlocks is important, so if Magnus isn’t ready to tell her, then Catarina knows it's for the best that she doesn't push to spill secrets. But when Magnus portals back home, she becomes increasingly worried through the night and early morning as to why Magnus is keeping a secret. They should be celebrating, or showing off to the Clave that the Downworld has done what they failed to do, but it seems whatever Magnus is hiding, it's not really over.

And truthfully, she's aware it wont ever be. The Shadow World will always have something going on, otherwise the Shadowhunters wouldn’t be here to authorise the rules day in and day out. Whatever Magnus is protecting, it must mean a lot to skip the whisky and bloating.

Madzie settles in well, getting along with Catarina easier than expected. Catarina promises her safety, as Magnus watches Catarina offer her a toy to keep with her and call her own. She's picked out a teddy, soft but not too fluffy that has a pink scarf tied around its neck.

With Madzie safe, Magnus can spend the night not having to worry, especially when he receives a text from Isabelle, deleting the one worry he had.

 

**_ISABELLE:_ **

_[I managed to convince the Clave you need time to recover. But you’ll need to turn up to the Institute tomorrow to answer questions.]_

 

A true saviour.

_[Thank you, my dear. I promise to be fashionably late.]_

Magnus didn’t expect another reply, but he gets one a minute later, just as he's stepping back into his loft, lights all turned off.

_[Are you and your buddy okay?]_

He smiles, because they are. Thankfully, they've been given this moment of peace after all this hell.

_[We are.]_

_[Good. Good night Magnus, and well done for doing our job for us.]_

_[Pleasure is all mine, dear. Do take care.]_

_[Enjoy your night off, but not too much!]_

Magnus huffs, smiling and shaking his head at her last text. That's the last thing on his mind. All he wants is sleep; a warm, content and safe sleep.

He's been gone for about half an hour, which gave Alec time to shower again and sneak into Magnus’ bed without having to ask permission. Alec feels like he doesn’t need to, safe and comfortable with being close to Magnus. 

The moon is high, light blocked by the blinds covering Magnus’ windows, but some small bars creep their way through. And as Magnus enters his bedroom, he sees one large white strip of moonlight over Alec’s back, sheets up to his waist and one of Magnus’ tank tops over his torso.

Magnus leans against the doorframe, crossing his arms against his chest, admiring the small whistles of Alec sleeping. His ebony locks fall against the gold sheets, arms hugging the pillow and pulling it against his face. Even the blanket Magnus gifted him is there, gold etchings around the edges matching the sheets he's sleeping in, placed on the headboard and draping over, pillows over the top of it. Alec is making this his home, too, one day at a time. Magnus finds himself not minding that one bit.

Demon? No.

Exhausted, softly snoring man? _Yes._

Pushing from the wall, Magnus walks to the opposite side of the bed, sitting down on the edge to not disturb him. Waving his hands over his body, he changes into a short sleeved shirt, black and silky with matching bottoms, small gold details like petals up the side. He removes his rings slowly, one by one and taking time to reflect on the day.

It's been _– interesting –_ to say the least. From Alec going missing, then turning up but not _being_ Alec. And _then_ they made a plan to stop Valentine that actually  _worked,_ to now, where they're side by side as if life is completely normal.

He's broken from his thoughts as Alec shifts behind him, sitting up and sighing.

“How did it go?” he whispers, keeping distance between them.

“Good. She’s a smart kid. Catarina will be like a mother to her.”

Alec doesn't speak any more on the Madzie subject, as her words are still eating away at his mind. Magnus knows this, looking at the little gestures he's doing with his hands as he turns around to face him, the nervous edge to his expression clear as day.

He's rubbing his palm with his thumb, fingers trembling slightly as they travel to his wrist, clenching into a fist soon after like he's trying to control the nerves, fighting the thoughts inside his head.

“Hey,” Magnus tries to distract him, placing his hand on Alec’s, intertwining their fingers. “Don’t think too much about today. We can deal with it tomorrow, okay?”

Twisting so he's sat on the bed, Magnus smiles, using his other hand that isn’t holding Alec’s to squeeze the demon's arm. His nails trace scars, admiring the patterns they once and still are, knowing Alec has his eyes trained on him the whole time.

Alec had been tortured, banished of the runes that once made him holy, but he isn’t any less ethereal than he was before. In Magnus’ eyes, he's still an angel, just now hiding in the shadows and called names because of hatred rooted in centuries past. He's kind, caring and  _new,_ but so  _familiar_ at the same time.

“You have to leave tomorrow, though,” Alec replies, watching Magnus still admire the old runes that have long faded.

“I do, but that’s tomorrow.”

“Magnus-”

 _“Shh,”_ Magnus stops his words, first with his own, then with his lips against Alec’s, leaning in to press his weight against him. It's only for a small fragment of their lives, but it calms the worry in Alec's bones. “Enjoy the now, right?”

Alec smiles, leaning his weight on one elbow a he raises his other arm, hand cupping Magnus’ face, thumb moving softly over his cheek. Alec’s hazel shards begin to take in the details of his face. From his flawless skin, to the sharp angles of his cheekbones and jaw, he's almost _too_ perfect.

“You truly are one of a kind, Magnus Bane.”

Magnus doesn’t get a chance to reply, as Alec pulls him back to his lips, muffling his laugh and making Alec smile. Hands move and hold waists, Magnus moving to sit on his lap again like before, hugging and kissing him close.

The kissing is lazy, hands searching gently. Magnus sneaks a hand under Alec’s shirt, fingertips feeling and moving between the lines of muscles. Alec’s hand stays at the bottom of Magnus’ spine, only his thumbs tickling under the silk shirt.

Magnus hums when Alec nips his bottom lip, making Alec to sign in return when he brushes his hand down his stomach in one broad stroke. When they part, Alec finds himself nuzzling Magnus’ nose, something to keep their lips close while they breathe air to fill their lungs. It's comfortable, steady and fulfilling.

Most of all, it's strangely perfect. There's no real need to rush, even if every second is one that ticks closer to Magnus leaving again to see the Clave.

“Alec, are we…?” Placing a hand against his chest, Magnus moves it slowly to hold the side of Alec's face.

“Dating?” Alec laughs, seeing the expression on Magnus’ face, pure shock as he's taken the words straight from Magnus' mouth.  “I'm not sure. I don't even know what that is -- I just heard it somewhere. Saw people kissing, holding hands, and then someone calling it dating, or couples.”

"Perhaps we can decide that after this is all over."

"Yeah," his smile deflates, obviously hurt. "That sounds like a smart idea."

It's something they don't really want to ignore, this feeling they have, but it's a necessary evil to survive.

He goes to speak, to reassure Alec that everything will fall into place in due time, but there's shuffling behind him. It's Alec’s hellhound, still a puppy with one ear bouncing as it waddles up to them. Its cute little nose twitches, looking up at Magnus, wagging its tail.

“And who’s this?” Reaching out as he sits back, resting on Alec’s waist, he picks up and hugs the pup in his arms.

“She’s my companion. I found her in Edom being bullied by other hounds, so I wanted to help her. I guess we were both lonely.” Alec scratches his finger against the pup’s cheek, the small Great Dane yawning and squeezing its eyes shut.

“She doesn’t have a name?” Magnus looks up, watching Alec’s face and how he smiles at the small bundle of life in Magnus’ arms.

“No, I can never choose one that's right for her. Every name I thought of didn’t seem to match what she meant for me at the time. I was never truly alone because of her, so I owe her more than just an ordinary name.”

Magnus hums, looking back down and scratching behind her floppy ear.

“But I have one now, at least,” continues Alec, now looking at Magnus with a new glimmer in the shards of his eyes. “Omamori.”

Hands freezing their movements, Magnus looks to Alec once more to see him smiling. Magnus doesn’t know what that means, but the way he's holding that expression means Magnus is the reason behind that name. He repeats the name again, gently rocking the pup to sleep and placing it on Alec’s stomach.

“An Omamori charm is meant to bring you luck and protection, and since I can’t be here all the time to protect you, my companion here can. This way, I know that you’re safe when I can’t be there for you. I saw them in Tokyo when I visited, but we weren’t exactly on close terms then. It was still only a few days of knowing each other.”

“Alec, I have a cat. That's a demon in itself sometimes."

“I know, but –= this is a _hellhound._  She can protect you if I can't make it in time. I know the war has practically ended, but it never _truly_ ends, does it? I can’t deny that, and you can’t either. Living in the now will make us blind, so please, just--” He doesn’t know how to say it without making Magnus feel weak, not wanting to degrade the man clearly capable of defending himself and plenty of others.

Alec knows Magnus is nothing _near_ the word weak, easily being on the opposite side of the scale along with Alec in power ranking. A hellhound wouldn’t add much to his already bountiful source of power, but it's something to keep him safe and remind him of Alec’s company when he isn’t allowed to be there.

Biting his tongue, Alec wants to speak again, but Magnus stops him with a small kiss.

To name a companion who helped Alec -- not _Magnus --_ survive through literal  _hell_ after a charm to protect him, to keep him company on dark nights when even his cat ignores him, that's a feeling Magnus can't describe.

“Thank you,” Magnus whispers against his lips, Alec closing his eyes and breathing a sigh of relief. “I’ll take care of her when you’re not here. And she’ll take care of me.”

Alec smiles, feeling relieved that even if he isn’t here, Omamori will be to give a little security. Because even the smallest amount of comfort and safety can be enough to let people breathe just for a second. And sometimes, a second makes all the difference.

“But it'll be mostly me here, right?” he jokes, letting the serious tension subside.

“Of course, who'll help wash my hair when I’m feeling lazy?” Magnus boops the demon's nose, falling off his lap to the side and laying on his back. Alec’s eyes flash at that.

“Hey, you can’t run away after saying that.” The puppy on his chest prevents him from following, and Alec really doesn’t have the heart to push his companion off him when she's sleeping softly.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Magnus replies, not regretting the words like he feels he should have.

He means them, every letter, every movement of his tongue to form them.

Alec is now laying on his side, pulling Magnus closer with an arm around his waist. Magnus kissing the dip in his collarbone, snuggling against him and bringing one hand around the demon to swirl his fingertip around his shoulder blades. Alec kisses Magnus’ head, closing his eyes and breathing in, the familiar smell of Magnus and being so close lulling his body to sleep. For a demon with such untapped power, he doesn't usually need sleep, but here in this moment, he can't think of doing anything else.

Magnus can feel Alec’s back rippling, something moving slowly beneath his skin and shirt. If it's something of concern, then surely Alec will speak up about it, knowing he can trust Magnus with anything that's on his mind. But maybe, just  _maybe,_ he's afraid to tell him, afraid of something he can't even understand himself. 

When Magnus closes his eyes, he doesn’t feel empty like the darkness he can see. It's a mix of hazel, red and something soothing. He's not alone anymore because Alec is holding him, protecting him. And Magnus  _swears_ he can feel _something_  hugging him other than Alec, like an extra pair of arms, but he doesn’t know what to make of it.

Lying in the silence of the moon in each other's arms, legs tangling in their heavy sleep, dark locks tickling the skin of Alec’s neck and Alec’s breath brushing through Magnus’ hair, time stops. It's them in their little bubble, enveloped in warmth, safety and acceptance. A victory gained, lives saved.

Now, they have these hours to themselves, and they can't think of another way to spend it. Maybe some whisky for Magnus and food for Alec, but they have a _monumental_ amount of time to drink and eat a mountain’s worth. Whereas moments like these, they're a rare comfort, especially when they don’t know the certainty of how much they'll get to see each other.

But even a second together is worthwhile, just to see that they're okay, just to see they're happy and alive. The more seconds they have, the more they'll start to learn and understand their lives and how the world will work for them.

And just like that, a day ends, being the first of many where they'll lay together in much needed peace. It's the start of a story that will carry them through time, hands together, fingers playing with Alec’s rings in Magnus’ sleep as the Soul Sword sits against the wall beside the bed. It's nott the most stable of beginnings, but a foundation is still a foundation, holding their future strong and letting them build it instead of following a set path. They'll make their own decisions, as tough and as tiring as they may be.

Gold hugs their bodies, coating Edom’s fallen in a colour made for them, _devoted_ to them like the royalty they are.

Maia is right, and Alec finds himself thinking that as he holds Magnus. When Alec spoke about not having a home to return to, she asked if there was _someone_ to turn to instead. Alec argued that a person can’t be a home, especially since there's no roof to protect you -- a home needs to be a physical thing. But then she said something else, something that changed his view entirely.

_A home isn’t always a house. A home is where you feel safe, where you can be yourself and be content, happy. And sometimes, that home is two arms hugging you, a smile that makes you smile back._

Alec remembers those words as he kisses Magnus’ head once more, smiling as he sinks into a safe slumber, the horses that once galloped through his nightmares no longer there. His mind is clear, only filled with the noise of Magnus’ steady breathing against his chest and neck, allowing him to fall asleep for the first time in someone else’s company, to allow himself to feel again. There's truly nothing like home, _especially_ if he finds that home in Magnus.

Alec is changing around Magnus. For better or worse? Only time will tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully you guys like the fact I gave the name of Omamori? I know the charm was an important thing in the show, and it still is here, just Alec knows he can't physically be there all the time for Magnus because he doesn't want him to get in trouble - and lose everything just because he's there. a hellhound is much easier to explain than a greater demon who has stole their mortal instrument. I hope that hasn't angered people and you like the decision.
> 
> see you next update!


	9. Saving Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [THIS CHAPTER IS GOING THROUGH A REWORK, ALONG WITH FUTURE CHAPTERS, PLEASE EXCUSE THE MISTAKES!]
> 
> Hey! 13k of malec here, enjoy :)
> 
> This whole chapter was originally going to be time skipped, so this is the extra chapter I mentioned in the last. I didn't see the need to skip it, and in the end I'm glad I didn't :')
> 
> maybe a little nsfw? not sure, nothing will ever get madly explicit in my writing
> 
> #ODSfic

Night fades to morning, a silence only disturbed by small, whistling snores. Occasional sighs or shifting of sheets happen, too, especially when Alec’s fingers move gently over Magnus’ back, subconsciously doing it while he's sleeping.

And Magnus will move his head slightly, brushing his hair along Alec’s skin, tucking even more into Alec’s chest where the thump of his heart beats steady. Legs tangle together as the night goes on, trying to get closer to the point where they can’t physically be any closer, hugging and caressing skin to comfort each other through slumber.

When morning arrives, the golden sheets begin to shine, reflecting back the same hue and making light shape over their bodies. But they don’t wake, which Magnus usually is by now thanks to the light, a factor that's blocked by broad shoulders. Alec is the main reason he still rests, along with the hours of missed nights on missions for the Clave, _finally_ being able to enjoy more than six hours of peace and quiet. He doesn’t know how much Alec has slept, but as a hunter of the night, he didn’t expect him to sleep at all. Magnus might be annoyed that Alec hasn’t woken, but Alec hasn’t even woken up himself at this point.

Orange and peach welcome the morning, slowly cascading to a gentle blue that reminds the mundanes of a summer long gone. A clear sky, not a single cloud to cover the sight so many admire. But Magnus and Alec aren't awake to see it, the songs of birds carrying them past the hour of twelve and into the hours of the afternoon.

It's a normal day considering the sounds that surround them. They look like any other mundane couple, asleep and skipping work to spend more hours together, even if it's being incredibly lazy. That's always up for debate, that if sleeping in and ignoring the day’s call is considered lazy, a necessity, or self-care. Sometimes going outside doesn’t feel like it'll bring a reward worth waking for, and sometimes staying on the couch all day watching TV shows sounds a lot better than taking out the trash. Alec and Magnus will both agree that this -- staying in bed and ignoring whatever is going on outside just for one day -- is _bliss._ As High Warlock, he doesn’t get much time off, so to spend it in bed with a rather handsome man? There's no arguing from Magnus on that part.

Alec has nowhere to be, so he'll gladly help Magnus stay here in bed, to let the day fade as they catch up on some much needed sleep.

Cars on the highway dash from one end to the other, the soft, mellow roar of engines fading in and out. Trees that reach high shiver like they're afraid people will judge them or complain if they move too much. Winter is here, Christmas rolling in, leaves going on vacation and leaving their home stripped naked. Rain is forecasted for later in the afternoon, air chilly as a brisk wind blows through the city.

None of the weather disturbs Magnus and Alec, tangled together still. Alec’s body has enough heat from his demonic blood to keep Magnus warm, and Magnus’ magic keeps them in a comfortable bubble. Omamori doesn’t feel it either, the heat, but Chairman does, who decides that he really has no choice but to cuddle up to the puppy intruder. Pawing at Magnus’ back has not proven successful in getting the attention he craves.

Alec - and now Omamori, too - are taking away Magnus’ attention. If he could, Chairman would file some sort of formal complaint.

But when someone does wake, it's Magnus. His body clock has changed, altered by the man laying next to him, a man who still snores in comfortable slumber.

Magnus wakes up slowly, his conscious mind beginning to take hold of the controls again, body becoming tingly. He feels more exhausted than before, relaxed to the point where even his fingers complain when they twitch. Magnus moves his toes, then one of his legs that can feel Alec’s skin, brushing together, placing a knee over his thigh.

Sinking back to reality, escaping the empty dreams inside his head to real life is awfully strange. It's not forced, reminded by the alarms of his thoughts that there are things to do, rules to enforce and his stomach to feed. God, he's _hungry,_ and that fact starts to bug him more and more as the seconds tick by.

He questions his hunger, biting his lip as perfectly crafted images start to appear. Perhaps he'll have pancakes, or pancakes _and_ a hot chocolate. Maybe a hot chocolate with a swirl of cream _and_ added sprinkles. Magnus knows how precious he is with food presentation, fondly remembering Ragnor becoming impatient because Magnus spent too much time evenly coating sprinkles over his desert. Silly, sleepy thoughts and questions -- something he hasn’t debated with himself for a long time.

There's no rush, absolutely _nothing_ getting him out of bed except the impending thunder and lightning of heels. Just thinking about it has Magnus pushing those thoughts back, trying to block them out. Replacing them seems to work wonders, and there's plenty to work with; Alec smiling or laughing, a compilation of the few moments they've had healing that impending dread quite well.

_Alec._

He's here, still. Magnus questioned it, and now he's come to the conclusion that he honestly has no idea why. Did he really think Alec would leave? To trick him like his own mind tricks him that Alec is nothing more than a demon? Magnus hasn’t opened his eyes yet to prove that he’s still there, but the thump of his heart every five or ten seconds, to his whistling snores -- Magnus knows it's Alec.

Opening his eyes will start the chain reaction of waking up, the kick start of generators. And why is that so hard to think about? He’s been doing it for more than 400 years, yet today, out of all those days, he doesn’t want to follow the norm. Magnus wants to stay in bed, he wants to enjoy the fingertips on his back that move so gently it’s almost as if he’s not there at all.

That's the most frightening part, that if Magnus does open his eyes, Alec is simply a ghost of his own imagination, his own desires. The warmth of where he slept would still be there as a reminder, but his body is long gone. Magnus' mind might be playing games, registering a touch but not being true.

Alec has a personality he’s come to know well, and a body where he’s beginning to learn the framework, the flaws and the perfections. Magnus has lived his past few years waking up alone, Chairman not really counting even though he dearly loves him. Magnus wants a  _soul_ next to him, a person he can talk with. You never know how different it is to be without someone until you’ve lost them -- and he never wants to feel that same pain again with Alec. _Especially_ with everything they’ve been through already, from Valentine to the impending rocky future of whatever they are to each other.

Time will find them answers, but it might not find them when Magnus needs them most. He wants Alec freely walking the streets, to live a life any man would live. A job, a relationship he can lovingly have and show to the world. Of course, he doesn’t know exactly what Alec wants in life, but he can make a rough guess into what's more beneficial than what he has right now; Shadowhunters hunting after his burning shadow, the Clave cursing his very existence--

Perhaps he can’t go and live a normal life while this one is still present, the damage digging too deep to let him shed light on another side to living. Magnus can only guess and speculate, and he can’t make Alec’s decisions for him. Being scared of the outcome doesn’t even come close to what Magnus feels, because if he watches Alec turn and walk away at the chance of a free life, even after all the pain he’s suffered? Magnus would potentially give up on everything he’s ever come to feel again.

Back to normal -- like Alec never existed.

It feels like a knife plunged into his stomach, the fingertips on his back feeling cold and heavy. He wishes these emotions weren't so sudden, so wild that he can't control them. Silly, isn’t it? Magnus thinking all of this when Alec is still here, beside him and hugging so close that his mind subconsciously doesn't want to let go.

Unfortunately, it’s ingrained into Magnus, the pain of being replaced or ignored. He's been pushed to the side when another star shines brighter than his own, and it's happened too many times for the voices in his head to subside. But he truly, _truly_ hopes Alec will be the one to drown them out.

And will Alec replace them with loving ones? Or will Alec still be the poison he’s heard drip from another person’s lips, time and time again?

Some day he'll truly give up, to let the pieces of his heart shatter so small that there's absolutely no way for it to heal. His walls will build so high and so strong, that not even Magnus knows high it is or what it’s made out of. That way, he doesn’t know the weaknesses. All of that protection, that inner bruising so he won't fall to his knees again, forced to stand and smile, pretending everything is okay when it isn’t.

Thankfully, that fateful day isn’t today. The voices in his head are the usual suspects, doubts and fears. When his body is between sleep and consciousness, the heaviness of his head can lead to small breaks in the fence where thoughts can bleed through. But he finds himself not dwelling with them, not when he opens his eyes ever so slowly. Slit eyes bless the world, orange sprinkled with gold producing their own light in the darkness that Alec’s body creates. There's no need for a glamour, not when his thoughts don’t even go near that. Why? He's lost in Alec, too tired to care. Glamours often fade in his sleep, only popping back on the moment Magnus gains thoughts. Maybe when Alec wakes will he then change his mind.

Magnus places his hand against Alec's chest, thumb gently brushing against the fine hairs. He feels the gentle expand and shrinking of Alec's lungs, the short rumble of his heart. He should be dead, but it makes Magnus wonder if it truly does stop beating, where Alec's emotions become so cold and _empty_ that there's no point in trying to feel.

Alec’s heart has only  _just_  started to beat its own drum. Every time he thinks of Magnus, his heart jumps like it has reason to, threatening to beat out of the cage it’s locked in. There's still so much to learn about each other, but the journey will be quiet as well as loud. Quiet because it's going to be hard to explain things sometimes, or to understand another’s pain without going through it themselves. Loud, because Alec has no filter in explaining his admiration for Magnus -- and for Magnus himself -- a dire need to prove to Alec he’s deserving of his time. Alec already knows that, but Magnus has never wanted something so much in his life, not when this feeling of belonging grips his heart so vigorously.

To think that organ drumming inside Alec, the _thump thump thump_ of the music it makes is all for Magnus -- it brings a cold smile to his face. It feels wrong to see it in a positive way, because it shouldn't be like this in the first place. Everything feels precious, fragile, something they can't tell the world about yet.

And that’s what's so dangerous, so  _thrilling;_ the danger, the unexplored territory they're still yet to discover. From Alec’s favourite fruit, to his favourite song, to the place on his body that makes his toes curl -- it's a book, _almost_ like a fairy-tale where instead of someone else controlling the ending, the power is in their hands to write it.

Moving his head so his nose brushes Alec’s throat, he kisses the dip in his collarbone. The demon grumbles after such a gesture, Magnus feeling the vibration on his fingertips that remain on his chest.

Bringing his head back, not leaving Alec’s arms, he pushes himself up so he's leaning on hia elbow, squinting at the afternoon light that beams through the windows. It's a mixture of purple and orange, warm to the touch, the sun just about to kiss the horizon. Magnus has lived through this moment countless times, watching the light shift and shape colours on the ceiling above him. He wished for someone to block that light, to not rely on its warmth and have someone to _be_  that star in the sky. Therefore, in the darkest of times, Magnus would still be able to find that light of comfort, warmth and security. Alec will hopefully be that star to bring the light back into his life that he needs.

And now, looking down at the expression of Alec sleeping, the sun’s rays carving over the side of his face and holding his broad shoulders – it's a sight he never thought he’d see. This isn’t an Alec that's scared or afraid of what Magnus will think if he stays over. _This,_ is an Alec that's peaceful, relaxed. He feels safe enough to let his guard down, even the instrument he was forged to protect long forgotten on the other side of the room. Frankly, he looks angelic, the small stubble on his jaw starting to poke through from wild days, unable to keep himself sharp. Magnus finds himself liking it, tilting his head so he rests it on his shoulder. Soft morning locks fall to the side as golden cat eyes shine, admiring such a mysterious man, a man he should be afraid of.

Alec, in his slumbered state, frowns occasionally, and his head will move inward to Magnus’ touch. Moving the hand that was on Alec’s chest, Magnus brushed his thumb over the earring, beginning to wonder if this is a style he had before he fell. He remembers him being here once before, in the mortal realm, so perhaps it was then before his enivitable banishment to Edom again. Either way, the small crystal seems to change colour to whatever light passed through it, which right now means a galactic mixture of purple and orange.

Magnus shifts his attention to the scar on his shoulder, along with the various others down his arm. Runes, faded by the flames, remaining only because of the power they once held, clinging to his muscles beneath the skin. There aren't any scars from Edom, which brings Magnus a settling relief.

It feels rather rude to be doing this, but Magnus' curiosity is peaked, wanting to know if the stories are simply just that. Or, is it true that Alec suffered that torment, where the sword pinned him to the floors of Edom for _years._

Shaking, his fingers ghost over the collar of the shirt, tugging gently to see if those legends are indeed true--

And that’s when he sees it, the breath he's about to breathe becoming a rock in his throat. A scar, directly in the centre of his chest The Soul Sword went right through him, just like Alec said himself, just like the stories. There are small, jagged edges to the shape, almost like Alec had tried to pull himself off the sword, causing more damage in the process.

The colour of it is a little darker than his other scars, large enough that Magnus doesn’t see the end towards the middle of his stomach. Confused and disgusted, he releases the collar, letting the tank top rest as it did before.

“Oh, _Alec.”_ He whispers, resting his hand back on his chest again, directly above where he saw the scar.

Magnus simple can’t imagine the pain he’s been through. And for some reason, he feels guilty, like this gem of a man could have somehow been saved if Magnus payed more attention to the Shadowhunters. Then again, if what happened to Alec didn’t happen in the first place, they may not have met, or fate may not have seen them worthy enough to meet and go down this path of -- _something -- w_ hatever this is.

He can’t think negative, not when Alec has fought so hard to be where he is now, to be silent beside him in a peaceful sleep demons despise. Night calls them, _wants_  them to crawl through nightmares and live up to their name as the evil that plagues the earth – but Alec doesn’t want to do that. His blood does, the coding in his very veins, and Alec has to fight that pull and push of who he's been made to be. Alec wants to be Alec, nothing more and nothing less. He might even have a family out there waiting for him to come home, but he has no idea where to start looking, or if they'll even remember him.

If Alec turns up one day, announcing that he's their missing son or brother, how would they react to a greater demon standing there?

Just when Magnus thought most of their hell was over, they still have so many roads to travel down, avenues and secrets to explore.

Time, all they need is time – something which isn't gladly given to a  _monster_ such as Alec.

Magnus digs a grave for those thoughts, to let his uncertainties hide away for another day to bother him again the next morning. Safety and comfort, that’s what he has right now, and that's what he wants to focus on; Alec’s soft breathing, the slight nudges of his legs, heavy sighs.

Chuckling quietly to himself, he remembers that it's meant to be Alec waking up first to make breakfast. Omamori is still asleep, too, following in the footsteps of her companion. Chairman left a few hours ago to explore along balcony edges and entertain himself, his owner's attention elsewhere. Maybe the cat is a _little_ jealous.

He's torn between waking him up or letting him to rest, leaving to make breakfast, probably coming back to complain that Alec is meant to be the one doing it. Amusement, or relaxation? Magnus doesn’t know which one, but it seems Alec is starting to stir anyway, especially when Magnus soothes his hand over Alec's chest again.

“Mmm,” Alec grumbles, arm tugging Magnus closer and pushing his face into his forearm, “Morning.” He hasn’t opened his eyes just yet, in the same denial Magnus was earlier but warming up quicker than the warlock.

His voice is croaky, raspy. Alec licks his lips, swallowing again before kissing whatever skin his lips are near, and that's the forearm of Magnus that's helping him sit upwards.

“Good afternoon,” Magnus laughs, soothing a hand over Alec’s chest one more time before leaving it on his jaw, thumb brushing over the stubble. “How’re you feeling?”

Alec grows silent, letting Magnus’ question simmer. Magnus becomes nervous as the seconds tick on without reply, but he soon realises Alec is just falling asleep again, relaxed and warm in Magnus’ presence that his body fails to work at all.

“Hey,” Alec grumbles again as Magnus gently nudges him, but this time his voice is a little deeper.  “I’m trying to sleep here, Magnus.”

“We’ve slept for a day, almost,” Magnus replies, Alec halting his movements on Magnus’ back, hand moving to his hip instead. It takes a few seconds before Alec pushes his head back, looking up at Magnus. “It’s five in the afternoon, Alec.”

Alec removes his hand completely from Magnus' hip, using both arms to slowly sit up, leaning on his elbow and turning to see the sunset kiss the horizon, just as the purple and blues venture across the sky, absorbing into clouds like ink to water. He squints, early morning vision stinging at the sudden bright light, lifting his arm to try and shield his eyes by code that has him falling back to the sheets. He moves way too quick for the rest of his body to catch up in such a dazed state.

“Wow,” whispers Alec, taking a few more moments to stare at nature’s natural beauty on his back before turning to look at another beauty himself. “You’re beautiful.”

Alec doesn't ignore the gold he’s missed so much, especially when it's a direct replica of the sun setting outside.

Magnus squints, not sure what he means, but slowly realising when Alec smiles, dopey, lopsided and showing a small number of teeth. Alec winks at him, lifting one leg so the sole of his foot sits flat against the mattress. He looks so relaxed, like even rain suddenly appearing out of nowhere in the middle of the room couldn't dampen the smile on his face.

“If this is a bribery to make me cook breakfast instead, I’m not sure if it’s working.” Magnus brings his head back to sit straight, biting his bottom lip by habit, hand fiddling with the tassel he’s found on Alec’s sweatpants that were previously his.

“Oh yeah,” he sighs, “I completely forgot about that. My bad.”

“No apologies needed, and I should be thanking you, really,” Alec quirks a brow at Magnus’ words. “For being a good pillow.”

Snorting, Alec shakes his head and looks off to the side. The smile on his face spreads from ear to ear, closing his eyes and letting the tingle in his gut spread across the surface of his body. “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long,” He leans over, pushing Alec back to the sheets just as he tries to get up, Alec huffing with his arms in the air in mild surrender. “A few minutes, wondering where my breakfast is.”

Magnus smirks as he moves in, half over Alec’s upper body as he nuzzles his nose against the demon’s, admiring the bright smile on his face.

“I thought there was no apology needed?” Alec smirks like he’s just won some sort of bet, feeding off the energy Magnus exudes so early in the morning.

“I’m still hungry though,” Magnus replies with a sly roll of his tongue, looking from one hazel eye to the other and watching the red spark in the shards. “Dealing with Shadowhunters is costly.”

Alec laughs beneath him, one hand holding his neck and thumb brushing the edge of the warlock’s jaw, amused by the way Magnus’ eyes seem to shine in mischief.

“From the way you’re looking at me, it seems like you intend to burn energy, not gain it.” Something changes in the way Magnus looks at him, fringe softly falling to the side of his face, then forward as he moves closer, letting Alec swallow the rest of his sentence.

“Such a bad influence,” Magnus complains, bringing his lips down to Alec's, lifting his head shortly after to allow Alec to chase him. Alec’s neck curves, showing the scar and how it stretches over his skin, following after lips he wants so badly with every second he’s with him. “I should be making breakfast since _someone_ isn't going to. But I just don't want to leave.”

Alec uses the moment of silence after that to push himself up, aching as the morning fatigue screams out. Magnus is taken back, keeping eyes locked with Alec as he flips him over, large hand pooled at the bottom of his spine, hand on his cheek to gently hold Magnus’ face. And once he’s against the sheets, Alec hovering above him, Magnus concludes he could stay here forever.

Omamori awakes at the ruckus, yawning and stumbling over to the end of the bed where she jumps down, disappearing into the hall.

“Then don’t,” whispering against his lips, Alec's tone is nothing short of sinful. The way it rolls off his tongue, holding power to almost be a command but enough space to give him choice. It’s intoxicating, Magnus closing his eyes to let the words roll over the surface of his skin, considering them and wanting to cancel every future plan he has. “Stay here, with me.”

Time halts as Alec simply stares, failing to blink until his soul seems to  _snap_ back inside his body. He takes a deep breath, almost as if he was underwater, caught between limbo and life.

The more Magnus understands Alec, the more he denies the blood that made him. He hasn't known him long, but it's enough for Magnus to make a good judge of character, and what just happened is nothing short of sudden. Over these past few days, they can't even smile at each other without thinking of the consequences, the Clave slowly creeping up on them.

Magnus reaches out his hand to comfort Alec, but the demon moves away, physically scared to touch him. Mentally, he wants to, and that's what scares him the most.

“I don’t want to hurt you like other people have, I don't want you to think of me like that.”

_What?_

How does Alec know of such thoughts? They're hidden away under lock and key, barricaded by years of pain to teach himself to never fall again. Magnus hasn’t exactly told Alec about his past lovers, at least, that's what his memories are telling him. Perhaps this means Alec can see through the walls he's built, the lies and truths weaved in.

“Alec, did I tell you about my past relationships?”

“I can feel it,” A pause, then a breath, “Like before, when I felt how lonely you’ve been for so long. I -- It was different this time. I scare you."

“That's not true, not at all. If I was scared of you, I wouldn't have agreed to that deal."

Alec bites his tongue, trying to form the correct words to say. Only when he really looks at Magnus can he say them. “You feel as if I'm this bad dream, like I’m going to leave you one day because that's how it always is.”

Magnus brings back up the rock he swallowed earlier, watching the hazel of Alec’s eyes sink into a void. He's almost crying, as if everything Magnus has been through in his past is slowly poisoning him.

“Alec, I,--"

 _"No,_ it's me. I don't know how to control what I can do. If I had control, I'd be able to speak to you without wanting to curl into a ball at every doubt you have with me. I don't want to waste your time, to turn your friends against you or even break your _heart."_

Silence strangles them, more so Magnus than Alec. 

So it's true.

Alec can sense the very worst of Magnus' fears, the fuel for nightmares that demons create in the dark of night. A  _power_ Alec doesn't want, a  _power_ he doesn't know how to control, something that will eventually make him crumble to madness because of the magnitude of fears he's felt in a lifetime. Even Alec's own fears work against him.

“I'm not going to give up on you. Not when we've already come so far, even if it feels like just one step instead of running. Slow and steady wins the race, more so than not.”

Once again, Alec’s filter slips, "Don't be afraid to tell me, Magnus. If you want me to leave, I will."

"What about the deal?"

 _"Fuck_ the deal. It's clear that neither of us want the outcome of either side. I don't understand any of this; what we are, what we're going to be. All I know is that-- I feel like I'm changing with you."

Letting go, Alec fills Magnus with words he can’t hold with both hands. Their  _friendship_  goes far beyond that; even if they themselves don't see it yet. A deep understanding, one where even the most difficult of equations in Magnus' head can be solved in due time with Alec's help.

This type of feeling, so new and undocumented that Magnus struggles to find anything to say back to him. Honestly, Alec is slightly annoyed that Magnus would even come close to fearing such a thing as Alec leaving, no matter how tricky and raw fear is in a human. Thinking Alec would forget the most vital and strongest foundation for starting his new life? Not any time soon.

Alec thinks never. Even if he's banished back to the embers below, he'll never forget what a change Magnus has made on his life. Those surfacing fears Magnus feels are simply ones of the past, inked into his skin like a tattoo that can change overtime.

“No," is Magnus' answer, “I don’t want you to think that, at all. Those fears you feel are my doubts for which I have lived with for many, many years. Having your heart broken and people using you is _never_ easy, and neither is it easy as one, two, three. Learning from mistakes and pain is vital to survival for people like us, but to fall into a repetitive cycle every time because you think that the next person is _the_ _one,_ it’s more tiring than age. In fact, even if I am immortal, there is no greater pain I’ve felt that's worse than heartache.”

Magnus takes a second to watch Alec's face, trying to decipher what emotion he's feeling through the emotion on his face.

“I’m not doubting you. I’m doubting myself, because I don’t want to let myself fall again if my heart will break just like before."

_Just like before._

Oh, how Alec  _feels_ those words physically sting him.

“The way you hold me, the way you kissed me – Alec, it’s _confusing_ and so  _familiar_ at the same time. I feel like a teenager again with a high school crush, wanting to ask you to the dance or to go see that new movie that’s pretty bad, but I just say that because I’ll spend my entire time trying to hold your hand,” Magnus laughs to himself, getting a little lost in his words. “Forgetting my past, it’s a slim chance, but I can learn to control it. Being with you brings it back, but not in a way that makes me want to leave you. In a way, it’s a defense, a warning to myself that if you're the demon people make you out to be, it will somehow make my heart a little less heavy if you did leave.”

“No, no way.” Alec finally speaks up, stopping Magnus from thinking about the past, at least for now. “You signed a deal with the devil, so you're stuck with me.”

"Didn't you just say to forget the deal?" Magnus smirks, not playful, but it shows just how much that amuses him. “You’re right. Maybe I was doomed from the start. Maybe you’re just hypnotising me with your little demon powers.”

 _“Little demon powers?”_ Alec moves his head back, tilting and smirking. “Wow, you do have a way with words, Magnus Bane.”

“I still have to leave,” and Alec groans at that, sighing. “Complain all you want, you’re the reason why.”

“Oh, so you’re blaming me? Ouch, I thought you liked me.”

“I’m blaming you for keeping me here in bed with you, and being the reason I have to leave.”

“Choose which one you prefer, then.” Alec smiles gently, feeling something odd flutter inside his chest when Magnus smiles back.

“I want to be here, with you.” Magnus whispers out, looking down as he realises how desperate he sounds.

Alec doesn't hear desperation. He hears a simple call for comfort. For someone to be close for a small while.

Pulling him closer, Magnus reaches his hands around Alec, making the first move before Alec can even say no. There wasn't going to be one, either, as Alec hugs back a mere second after Magnus reached out for him.

The demon takes a deep breath, content as a warm body lays next to his, Magnus' small breaths falling over his neck and chest, squeezing him tighter when he sighs. 

Familiarity.

Magnus finds himself exploring, wanting to tickle his nails across his skin. He does so with the demon's nape, reaching, hugging him further as he scratches the short hairs on the back of his neck. Alec hums, content with such affection. He draws patterns, swirls towards to centre of his shoulders, smiles as Alec draws him closer, breathing softly into his shoulder.

And then his fingers massage down, under the collar of the tank top, rough skin hiding away--

A scar known to be one of  _two._

Disgust rocks the demon’s body, sudden anger swelling inside his chest that has him gripping Magnus’ back, his shirt clenched between his fingers. Magnus keeps his mouth shut, moving his hand away from the scar like he’s been burned.

And Alec doesn’t say anything, fleeing from Magnus' side like he too, got burnt.

"Shit," exclaims Alec, cursing under his breath. "Sorry."

Time tumbles on, and the more it passes in silence, the more Alec's mind wanders. Alec begins to breathe laboured breaths, Magnus simply staring at him as Alec sits up, moving back, his hands shaking the uncertainty.

Magnus doesn't know what to say, but he knows it's a pain he won't understand unless he feels it himself; because of those wings countless stories speak of are true, then the placement of those scars and the  _size_ of them is no fantasy.

Sitting towards the edge of the bed, Alec runs a hand down his face, trying to push the strange, odd feeling of cold from his skin. He's debating what to do, never expecting such mental and physical pain from a single touch over scars he's afraid to remember.

“Did I hurt you?” Magnus reaches one hand to his cheek, moving closer but not close enough, hoping Alec won’t reject him. He's not sure at first, but Alec eventually leans into the touch, appreciating the grounding feeling it gives Alec after such a blinding shock.

“No – it just doesn’t usually hurt that way. The scars, I mean.”

“Have you been checking them?”

Silence, for what feels like an hour. Uncertainty becomes a thick cloud in the room.

“There’s... been no reason to. They're just bone, that's all that remains of them,” Alec cringes at the image, that the last time he tried to spread his wings, to see if the embers had been merciful, all that looked back at him were the black bones of a fallen angel's wings. "After all these years, they haven’t changed.”

And that’s when he tried to rip them out, to remove any reminder of the past he’s failed, because Alec can’t tolerate the _mocking_ at what he used to be and what he can never be again.

So why do they hurt him now? Maybe Alec’s body is trying to dispose of the dead and useless weight, bruising his insides to the point of internal damage that even his supernatural healing can't fix.

Magnus swallows hard, not sure how far he can push this to try and help his friend. “Can I check them over?”

“I don't think that's a good idea.“

_I don't want you to see the failure that I am._

But Magnus can't hear his plea, not when he's a man who fights for change.

 _“Just_ the scars. I want to see if the bone is causing you any internal damage. It could be poisoning you, even, and I don't want that for you." Alec is still looking away from Magnus, listening to the warlock speak softly beside him. “Let me help you, Alec, please.”

All his life, Alec has been fighting for survival, to rely on himself. But now he doesn’t have to sit in silence anymore, because Magnus has years and years of knowledge and life skills to help him where Alec remains the dark. He can find _peace_ in Magnus; a security he hasn’t felt in the scale of what he remembers.

Taking a deep breath, Alec concludes he needs to take a step to prove he's willing to try, to learn.

Fumbling with the bottom of his shirt, Alec sighs once more, straightening his torso as he pulls upwards. The tank top follows, revealing the broad battlefield of Alec’s torso. Scars from old runes litter his skin as if they have stories of their own, covering his arms and larger ones over the expanse of his back. Magnus hasn’t seen his front yet, because his eyes can’t leave the trio of scars with the biggest story to tell.

There's one in the middle, which he can quickly conclude is from the Soul Sword, showing he truly was pinned through his entire body. And as Alec relaxes his arms by his side, slouching over to sit elbows on knees, Magnus can see the muscles around his shoulders blades are sore, inflaming the skin around the bone and making the scars seem fresher than the others on his body. It's odd, and at the same time extremely numbing to think that these spots once held graceful wings.

Treasures, a creation of angelic power and grace – _lost._ The ashes of the feathers were collected by souls in Edom, some consumed by the flames to help them burn brighter. Now, these scars are nothing but empty casings, to show that Alec's true calling has been  _stolen_ from him, burned away like a flame to paper. Alec's attempt to remove them himself must have made the scars bigger, but Magnus doesn't know that fact, not yet.

Magnus places a hand under the central scar, the tips of his fingers ghosting over the sword’s reminder, then moving to the side where the large line on his left shoulder blade sits, earning a hiss from Alec. His skin twitches away from Magnus' touch, and Alec drops his head, guilty with himself that he can't stop his own pain. Summoning a small amount of magic to coat his palm like a bandage, he inspects the damage that lays underneath. He can't stop the pain, because deep down he knows Alec wants to endure it, to be that stubborn side of him to accept the punishment.

When Magnus felt something move underneath his skin before, he swears it was his mind playing tricks on him. But this, what he feels, what reaches  _out_ for him - it's something new that not even Magnus himself expected to find.

Alec’s wings are _healing,_ trying to bring themselves back in a way that Alec’s body accepts. For some reason, something that was meant to be burned for his immortal life time is bringing itself back to life, even when Magnus thought that nothing angelic of Alec's past remains. He can feel them moving slowly beneath his magic, breathing as the feathers grow slowly, not forced from his very soul as the angels commanded. It _must_ be painful, especially if they're trying to find room in his body after Alec adjusted to living without them, or whatever remained of them before.

“Alec?” He doesn’t know if he should tell him, but the pain and mystery of whatever this is might drive him insane. Honestly, there's no telling how he'll react, but for Magnus there's this bubbly feeling of _warmth_ in his chest.

Having been condemned by the angels, Alec should have _no_ reminder of what he once was, at least nothing that works. It's obvious there is because of the scars of his runes, the training in his muscles that remember how to block a right hook - but these wings are something completely different. They're a symbol of good will, a tool to carry them higher and shine a light to hoping individuals. Wings are the image of the angels, to give them the grace of birds and the beauty of swans. To have them taken from him, Magnus can't imagine the suffering he was forced through, to feel the power of his wings only to have them crumble to ash minutes later. Perhaps being born angelic means Alec still has that hope of being one again, a catalyst deep inside his heart to kickstart the healing process.

He saved lives yesterday. That numbed the pain of what he is, but perhaps it's changing him more than he realises.

Alec looks over his shoulder, Magnus meeting his eyes as he smiles. He can sense the warlock's pain, but the smile he wears confuses him. "Yeah?"

“Your wings,” Magnus removes his hand, Alec flinching at the words he speaks, “They’re healing, my magic can feel them. Granted, they're small right now, like baby bird wings, but they're there, Alec. Your wings are healing."

One part of Alec doesn’t want to gain hope that what Magnus says is true, and on the other hand, he _wants_ his wings back because he knows they’ll be the only angelic part of him left to hold on to. There's a small victory in Magnus' eyes as Alec smiles, and that sign of acceptance, _hope,_ is a small step in the right direction.

Bringing his arms forward, Alec hugs Magnus. He needs it now more than ever, hiding his face in the junction between Magnus' shoulder and neck, throat constricting as he holds back tears that threaten to break through. And they do, but not until Magnus hugs back, hands gently placed under the home of his new wings. And Magnus gives him time, to let the tears fall and for the news to grip him. His little sobs are choked, but Magnus can't hear any pain in them except the regret he feels for blaming himself, for giving up on something that never gave up on him.

“I thought about this the other day, but now I know it’s true,” Alec’s voice is muffled, but Magnus can hear him despite that. He'll always listen.

“Your wings?”

“No. _You."_ Alec kisses his neck, once, quickly, like he wants to make sure he’s still there. Magnus hugs him back tighter, cheek resting on his shoulder and being wary of where he moves his hands, softly circling under the scars his wings. “You’re changing me, Magnus. You’re healing me.”

Magnus really must find a way to be prepared for these things. Alec has no filter, and he speaks his mind so freely that anything could come out of his mouth. Yet, he chooses that freedom to speak about his admiration for Magnus, or how he’s changing him and healing the broken parts that remain -- the parts that Alec thought would remain for more than an eternity.

Moving his head to kiss his shoulder, Magnus keeps his lips there, to let the kiss sink in and for Alec to feel the _thank you_ through it. Because it's not only Alec healing between them; Magnus is, too.

A heart that shatters is one that will never fully recover, but it _can_ be held by hands that make it feel whole again. And those hands are Alec’s, slowly lifting him back up to his feet to stand on his own, not forcing himself too for his people. Magnus is a strong man, a respected one, but everyone has their kryptonite.

His wings won't hold the glow of the angels, _or_ feel light as a literal feather, but they’ll be wings that reflect who Alec has become. Not by force, not by fate -- Alec's wings will reflect his journey from the floor of Edom to whatever path he chooses to walk down. Be it one of revenge, or one of clarity.

Maybe finding his past life won’t be so bad after all, especially if his body hasn’t given up fighting for what remains. He's some sort of nocturnal angel, blocked by the shadows but trying to shine a light. But Alec doesn't want to give his family the burden of knowing one of their members is a greater demon, named to steal angelic instruments and cut the petals from a blooming flower.

That burden will come later, when he's ready to face it. Frankly, he doesn't even know where to start, and if anyone does, it'll be Magnus.

And as the warlock pulls away, Alec’s head sinks again, resting his forehead on his shoulder, Magnus leaning his head against the side of his.

“I’m going to head for a shower, then we can discuss all the questions we have during breakfast. How does that sound?”

Nodding, Alec processes the last few minutes. Magnus hasn’t replied to him verbally about the fact he’s healing him, or at least, that’s what he thinks is happening. In a way, he is, because Magnus is teaching him to be a better person, to not let the blood in his veins turn him into something he’s not. Just because he wasn't a demon before means he needs to be one now. Alec has that small slither of control, a small understanding of emotions, to feel humanity and let it grow from the smallest hope.

Magnus _is_  that hope, Alec feeling his whole body shift when Magnus is near. Hell, even Magnus'  _smile_ gives his heart hope for the future.

 looks up, greeting Magnus with an expression of relief but also slight confusion. It was the little crease in his brow that gave it away, Magnus reading him like a book. “So, you really aren't leaving today?”

Huffing, Magnus shakes his head, well aware of Shadowhunters and their impeccable timing. “No promises, but yes, I intend to stay here and enjoy it as much as I can,” He pushes himself from the bed, standing up and leaving Alec sat there. “Care to join me?”

Not quite catching on until Alec sees his little teasing smile, the demon sighs and looks away, “I think we both know we won’t leave or get anything done if I go in with you,”

“And what if that’s my intention?” Alec laughs as he continues to tease, standing up and watching the warlock walk backwards and slowly undo the silk shirt he wears. “Maybe that will keep the Shadowhunters out of my apartment for good if they _hear_ what’s going on.” There's no foul play in his tone. He's simply teasing to keep the mood light.

Alec plays along, following after his steps, doing so until Magnus is against the wall with Alec in front of him. He's not smirking or biting his lip like the _Alec_ a few weeks ago would have done. Granted, he's still there, lingering on the surface, but in Magnus’ company his entire exterior just melts to mush, infatuated by him. Every fibre of his body should be wanting sex, like most demons, but even that has changed about him, too. He’s gone from wanting the thrill of it, for the fun and the pleasure, to wanting it solely because he loves the person.

“As much as I want to,” Alec watches the teasing smile on Magnus' face falter. Was he being truthful? Why does he look so _pained?_  “I wouldn't want too, not now, because this is special to me.”

Alec doesn’t need to gesture between Magnus and himself for the warlock to understand that.

“This is special for me too,” he replies, looking from his lips to the hazel colours dancing back at him in late afternoon light. “And we’ll find time for things like this, won’t we?” A few seconds go by, Alec watching the smirk grow on his face. “It was worth a try, at least.”

Alec groans, because no matter how much Alec pours his heart out, he always ends up blushing or laughing at Magnus’ replies. “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re incredibly handsome.”

_“Magnus.”_

“I know, I know.” Magnus taps a fingertip against his cheek, seeing the dimples in Alec’s smile grow, heart fluttering.

“I don't know if we'll ever get time to even consider that -  _us."_ Alec takes one of Magnus’ hands, kissing the back of his hand. “Because as much as I want to jump in that shower with you, to let you kiss me until I can’t breathe, I’ll still have the Clave pinching the back of my heels as well as yours.”

“And you don't want to break my heart if we can't have that.”

Alec nods, but his smiles doesn't fade, no matter the pain behind it.

"But would you? Would you want this, if you could?" There's a lingering hope in Magnus' eyes.

“I’ve never wanted anything more, Magnus.” Alec nods again, agreeing with the thump of his heart.

Finally releasing the breath he was holding, Magnus shakes his head, smiling to himself as something takes flight inside his chest. “I’ll have an omelette, by the way.”

“Yes, sir.” that subtle reminder that Alec still owes him breakfast tickles, making him chuckle to himself.

As Alec watches him leave, he goes over what just happened. There was no mention of parting ways like they stated in their deal, and there's no evidence that Magnus will ever go back to it. They're happy in the smallest sense of the word, not having the entirety of it until every Clave related problem is dealt with. Alec can be patient with that, especially if it means he can be free to choose who he wants to be, and if that's with Magnus, then he'll fight for it.

Shaking his head and smiling, Alec turns around to grab his tank top, staring at it for a moment and deciding against putting it back on. It's only him and Magnus, and if his scars are dangerously fragile, then letting them breathe a little will do him some good, _especially_ if the wings suddenly sprout from his back.

He still takes the shirt with him, just in case his confidence begins to whittle down, because nothing makes him feel more inferior looks wise than Magnus.

Confidence is something Alec, as a demon, never seemed to have trouble with, but now that confidence seems to be crumbling. It's almost like it was never there in the first place, as if he has _some_ but not the levels he had when he was first summoned here. Again, it's just around Magnus, so maybe he’s found a way in, to let him break down that fake exterior to see the real Alec on the inside.

 

_\- - - - -_

 

Omamori has been walking in between Alec’s legs the entire time he’s been in the kitchen. His little companion won’t leave him alone and demands attention, but Alec is too busy preparing the eggs and whisking them to notice. She eventually gives up, and runs off to go and find Chairman, who takes a while to find in the office of Magnus’ apartment.

Alec keeps forgetting how late it is, especially from the matching hues of light from his previous morning to today's afternoon. It’s relaxing, especially when he manages to switch the radio on, turning every dial to see how the thing worked. The static frightened him at first, fist clenched and ready to punch the appliance, but he eventually got the hang of it, turning the dials until something sounded good. Granted, Christmas songs aren’t exactly his taste, but they were mostly speaking about mundane things in between. A local festival was announced to switch on the cities Christmas lights, some sort of new phone coming out and a chance to win a free trip to Barbados if you want to skip the cold.

Normal. This whole thing was a normal thing to do, a normal thing for couples to do. Wake up, shower and prepare for the day and cook breakfast. It wasn’t the start of the day entirely, but it was for them, so Alec wasn’t complaining one bit. As he watched the pan on the hob heat up, the whisked eggs simmering from the heat, Alec began to wonder how many times Magnus has done this with someone else, or done so alone.

He couldn’t think about that though. Just like Magnus said, live in the now and only have that slight worry for the future to prepare yourself for the worst. They’ve defeated Valentine, Alec learning to control his demonic urges and completely control the Soul Sword. There was no need to have it by his side anymore, as it was still in the bedroom sat against the wall. Dormant, the metal was cold for the first time since it’s fall to Edom with Alec. There was no need for it to be on, to be ready to fight, because its owner wasn’t. Alec was cooking an omelette, he didn’t need a supernatural sword to cut or flip eggs.

It’d be a few minutes before he needs to turn the egg over, so he grabs his hot chocolate that he made after searching Magnus’ cupboards for the powder. Omamori had growled at the kettle when it started to boil the water, little yips and the excessive wag of her tail. Alec had laughed, leaning down to pat her head and tell her everything was ok, leading her to walk in and around his legs again. Alec was leaning his back against the counter, palms hugging the mug of chocolate in front of him, placing it near his lips every so often and taking in the chocolate aroma. The steam tickled him, comforting and not burning Alec like it may do for a regular mundane.

Rain has started to fall, clinging to the windows of Magnus’ apartment and slowly falling from gravity. They left trails like tears down someone’s cheek, reflecting the colours and magnifying them through the small spheres. The sound combined with the soft muffled talking of mundanes on the radio made Alec close his eyes, taking in the peaceful atmosphere. Omamori walked back into the kitchen, looking up at Alec smiling and nudging his exposed feet with her wet nose. Alec still has the grey sweatpants on, tight on his calves and previously being owned by Magnus. They sat low on his hips, diagonal to show more hip on one side than the other.

Alec couldn’t ignore his companion anymore, so he places the mug aside, leaning down and picking up the small puppy and cradling her in his arms.

“How are you today, hmm?” He asks, curling his finger to rub the back of his forefinger against her cheek, Omamori nuzzling into the underside of his chin as he held her. She has been his friend for as long as Alec can remember.

In Edom, she was bullied by her pack and seen as the runt. Alec could relate seeming as he was chucked out of his own group of allies too. So as Alec approached and walked between the dogs towards the back, Omamori lowered her head, expecting another person to hate her. But Alec didn’t. He kneeled, offering out his hand for her to sniff and attune to his smell, allowing her to stay by his side for their eventual exploration through the underworld. Alec didn’t bring her here in the first place because he was worried about her being slain by the Shadowhunters, but here in the wards of Magnus’ apartment and under Alec’s protection, they wouldn’t even know she exists.

Her tail wags like there is no tomorrow, having a small smile present as Alec continues to scratch on that spot just below her eye. She’s like any other loyal dog, just at some point she can transform back to her adult self and be someone’s royal nightmare of teeth and claws. But right now, she was nothing more than a bundle of cuteness, taking all the affection she can get from her owner before Magnus steals it again. Not that she minded, as seeing Alec happy made her happy after the years in Edom constantly seeing his face blank or frowning.

“One second girl,” Alec places her down on the counter, letting her sit and watch Alec flip the eggs as one side was solid enough to do so. Her head tilted as the egg flipped, wondering why exactly he did that. “I’ll see if there is something for you here in a second.”

And as Alec goes to reach into the freezer to find some meat, Magnus steps out of the bathroom, towel running through his hair a few times before chucking it into a basket outside the room. He has a pair of sweatpants on, face free of makeup and his hair looking softer than ever. The way he walks oozes power, even when he didn’t need to be. Alec has his head stuck in the various cupboards, but Omamori turned around to see the warlock approaching her, smile on his face.

Magnus places a gentle hand over her head, pushing the cropped ear back as the pup curved her head up to meet the comforting stroke. Her tail wagged, Magnus letting one side of his smile tug upwards at the little bop of her foot when Magnus scratched his nails behind her floppy ear. It brought comfort to know Alec hadn’t been completely alone down there, especially with such a lovely companion that mirrored the same tough exterior but softer insides once you get to know them properly.

He hears a clutch of breath, Magnus flicking his vision from Omamori to Alec and seeing that now, he’s finally seen him.

A robe was draped over Magnus’ shoulders, midnight blue in colour, etched with various floral patterns on the front and various koi fish designs on the back. It wasn’t closed at the front, so Alec could see the necklaces sitting on his chest, and a partial view of his abdominal muscles. If Magnus looks  _this good_ after having a shower with no makeup on whatsoever, then Alec will really have trouble _surviving_ every morning and night when they’re getting ready for bed. He already knows the extent of what he wears in the day, but it's just the tip of the iceberg for him, so Alec has a lot of these moments ahead.

Moments of pure shock, not knowing what to do with his hands and his mouth going dry. Magnus left Omamori’s side and approached Alec, their eyes never leaving their lock on one another.

“H--," Alec coughs. "Hey."

“Hey to you too,” Magnus replies, chuckling at Alec’s stutter when he realises he should probably say something to him before Omamori does. “Didn’t take you for one to listen to the radio.”

Alec smiles, cupping Magnus’ chin with his thumb and forefinger, pulling him in gently to kiss him. It takes a few seconds for them to break apart, Magnus’ eyes still closed for a moment longer, the overwhelming feeling of peace hugging his body like a warm blanket.

“It took me a while to figure the damn thing out, people keep singing about snow and some guy called Santa Claus.” he gestures to the mug on the side, still steaming. “I made you a hot chocolate, by the way. I keep forgetting to ask how you like your coffee.”

“I usually have a glass of wine, but I guess times are changing,” Magnus smiles at Alec’s little blush, stepping back and letting his eyes fall down the demon’s torso to appreciate what's in front of him. “And I find Christmas songs very cheerful, but they start playing them earlier every year though.”

Magnus does a little _hmm_ in joy before walking to the side and hugging the hot chocolate mug between two palms. He leans his back against the counter, looking to the eggs cooking that Alec tends to after regaining his senses. The warlock looks at the scars on his back to check them, noticing his shirt is off to the side. Alec must be letting them breathe a little, so it makes Magnus happy that the demon is finally accepting his wings coming back in whatever way they are.

“Were you looking for food for Omamori?” Magnus lifts his mug to his lips, looking through his lashes at Alec flipping the omelette again.

“Mm, wasn’t sure if you have any meat,” he’s about to turn around and talk to Magnus, but the warlock has beat him to it. He snaps his free fingers together, blue magic sparking as a small plate appears next to her, a fresh slice of raw steak sitting in the middle. “oh, well. Thank you for that.”

“No problem,” Magnus smiles at Omamori’s excited little chirps, taking another sip of his hot chocolate, shoulders falling and breathing easy. “I could get used to this.”

Alec agrees, smiling to himself. He picks up a towel and wipes his hands, turning slightly to look at Magnus who’s watching the cream melt in the hot liquid. His thumb plays with the edge of the mug, seemingly lost in a daydream.

“Are you feeling better?” Magnus looks up to Alec as he says that, wondering exactly where it came from. “I noticed you seemed a bit uneasy when I woke up. There was something worrying you and you used a lot of magic yesterday.”

Leaning back more, Magnus looks from Alec to his mug, biting his bottom lip and wondering what to say and how to say it. Alec already noticed a change in him, in how he thought after all this Alec would leave him.

Alec closed the distance, situating one hand on Magnus’ hips under his robe, the other on his neck. Magnus leaned into it, closing his eyes and sighing. How on earth did he ever come to that conclusion in the first place? Alec has been nothing but golden to him, despite the early threats and necessary ends to protect himself in a world full of enemies.

The way Alec gently moves his thumb on his hip, a little curled like he’s plucking a guitar string, fingertips firm but not bruising. And the way he smiles when Magnus opens his eyes, every nightmare that gallops through his mind becoming vacant. Alec was never going to leave him, and he was practically stuck with him anyway even if they didn’t develop a relationship. Magnus has been his only friend here, so he was bound to protect him for as long as the warlock would let him.

“I’m feeling much better, Alec. Thank you.” He whispers those words, moving in to lean his forehead against Alec’s collar bone.

Alec’s hand curves around to his back, the hand on his neck holding the back of his head to hug him softly. Magnus still has the mug in his hands, resting against Alec’s skin but not burning him.

“I could get used to this too,” Alec mumbles in his hair, kissing once as he combs his fingers through soft, freshly showered hair that smells of sweet flowers. “waking up every morning to you, sounds perfect to me.”

And it wouldn’t just be them, it’d be the soft falling of rain on the windows, Chairman begging for attention as he paws at Magnus’ back. It’ll be sharing headphones, giggling under the covers and Magnus tracing his fingers over scars when Alec hasn’t woken up yet. Then there will be times where they sleep alone, one of them coming home late to wake the other up with kisses, or simply sneaking in behind them and curling up to fall asleep. The future held a lot of scenarios to frighten them, but right now they still have something to look forward too, small wishes to hold on and moments like these, just holding each other as they listen to the rain fall on the windows.

It’ll be hell waking up to leave Alec if these next few weeks are Clave meetings, but if he gets to come home to these arms, that gentle caress of his thumb on the bottom of his spine, and the kisses to his forehead, he would endure every meeting possible.

“Especially if you cook me breakfast.”

“How about we swap? You do it one day, I’ll do it the next,” he mumbles into his hair again, pulling away that has Magnus clinging on and following to the counter, Alec checking that the omelette was finished cooking. “that way at least one of us can stay in bed, and we have an excuse to go back.”

Magnus beams at the food, already smelling divine. “I don’t think we need an excuse to go back to bed, if I’m being honest.”

“You’re stealing my job at being the flirty one,” Alec grumbles as he picks up his own mug and takes a sip, Magnus dropping a kiss to his shoulder as Alec hugs him by his side. “how am I meant to be the big bad flirty demon if you keep making me blush?”

“I make you blush?” Magnus perks up, already knowing but wanting to rub it in.

“Eh,”  He fumbles his lips, scrunching his nose and nodding his head to the side. “sometimes, I guess.”

“You guess isn’t a direct answer, darling. I promise I won’t tell the Clave you’re actually a big softie.” Magnus laughs as Alec glares at him, not being able to hold it as he sees the crinkles by the warlock’s eyes as he laughs. Happiness was painted all over his face, and it was contagious, the bob of his shoulders making it difficult to balance the hot liquid inside the mugs.

“I’m going to _accidently_ spill my hot chocolate in the pan in a minute.” Alec fails at being moody, looking down in his mug and not actually wanting to waste the sweet, warming treat.

“Doesn’t matter, I’d still eat it because you made it.” Magnus places his head against his shoulder, looking up at him and smiling a sweet smile, much sweeter than the chocolate Alec was drinking.

 _“Christ,_ you’re a massive sap, aren’t you?” Alec unlocks from Magnus to have control over the hot pan, letting the freshly cooked omelette fall onto the plate and fold it with the lip of the pan.

“What can I say?” Collecting his plate, Magnus walks to Alec and kisses him on the cheek. “You bring out the best in me.”

And Alec blushes _again,_ lifting a hand to scratch the back of his neck, Magnus walking away to sit at the bar and perk himself on a seat. Omamori is taking her time with the steak, savouring every bite.

“That makes two of us.” Alec replies, turning around to go and clean up to hide the ridiculous smile on his face, Magnus pausing the fork near his lips to try and catch it.

Magnus smiles, looking down and feeling the need to squirm in his seat, but he doesn’t. This innocent little type of love, exchanging compliments and sweet kisses, it’s the complete opposite to what they did yesterday.

From fighting evil to kissing each other on the cheek, it’s complicated, but it works. It works because they haven’t felt this complete in so long, despite the challenges they’re still going to face.

Alec comes back to the bar, smiling and looking from Magnus’ face to the food to get a judgement, and as Magnus moves to open his mouth, the door to his apartment swings open.

They both immediately look to the doors, a figure walking through who seems determined but stops in their tracks, confused and shocked. The only one who doesn’t look up is Omamori, tail still wagging as she eats the steak.

“Magnus? What -- is this _him?”_ Isabelle stutters, taking one step back to immediately shut the door.

Every nerve in Alec’s body begins to short circuit, not sure if to run or trust Magnus because he doesn’t seem to be getting up. Magnus holds his hand, squeezing his fingers which assure the demon it’s okay.

Alec still isn’t sure, but that touch is enough to settle his nerves.

Magnus is suddenly starting to regret turning his phone off when he went for a shower, because he had no idea Isabelle was on her way to deliver a message from the Clave.

“If you mean him as in the Swordsman,” Magnus begins, tone careful with his words. “Then yes, it’s him.”

Isabelle takes her hand away from her thigh holster, which Alec notices soon after, seeing the hilt of a seraph blade sitting there, bracelet on her wrist snaking back around her arm.

They are both looking at Alec, which he gulps at, not really wanting to say anything unless he needs too. But he can’t avoid it, especially if Magnus wants him to as well.

“Er, hey? I’m Alec, or the _Swordsman_ as you hunters call me.”

Isabelle nods, looking back to Magnus and quirking a brow. “And you’re dating him?”

“Well--,” Magnus begins, but Isabelle stops him.

 _“Well_ usually means yes,” She crosses her arms, tapping her heel and finding it hard to let the information sink in. “you have a lot to explain, Bane.”

If Isabelle's memory wasn't wiped, it would have been a reunion, but instead it's an introduction. One that has Alec nervous for the outcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that if I do something wrong or you don't like something in my writing, you can always say something about it! Feel free to message me on twitter if you do, I'm always looking to improve.
> 
> See you next update!


	10. His Midnight Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [THIS CHAPTER IS GOING THROUGH A REWORK, ALONG WITH FUTURE CHAPTERS, PLEASE EXCUSE THE MISTAKES!]
> 
> Hello there! I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas/Holiday! I had a small break from social media over that time and this chapter was ready all through that period, but decided to wait until now to post it since I read it back and wanted to change things again.
> 
> ALSO - I have absolutely no idea how many chapters this thing has now. I have a plan for a chapter when I write but then I just write too much and I have to cut it in half or change the pace. BUT!! Hopefully that's good for you guys because you get more chapters, and the story stays here longer, so win win? 
> 
> nsfw warning (but remember nothing will ever get too explicit in my writing)
> 
> If you're live reading, tag @karasunoflyy or #ODSfic and I'll retweet your reactions a day after this is posted!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this one, you're getting closer and closer to the end!
> 
> #ODSfic

_I'm facing back to front,_  
_Over my shoulder at the sun._  
_And it's an open door,_ _  
End of my line of sight once more._

 

Magnus turns to look at Alec, noticing the blank expression on the demon’s face. Alec doesn’t know how to react to this, especially when Isabelle held the grip of her Seraph blade with anticipation, wondering if Alec would show his _true colours._ She still gives wary looks, lingering on Alec but occasionally looking to Magnus.

Considering Alec hasn’t said much since she arrived, Isabelle is now even more uncertain. She’s only seen the Alec who sent one of her comrades into the courtyard wall, and heard of the Alec heading straight to Magnus’ apartment after being summoned by Valentine. But here he is, standing with sweatpants low on his hips, sleep ruffled hair and a mug between his palms. He literally looks like Magnus’ boyfriend, the domesticity between them held in the dim light of the afternoon. Magnus looks fresh, so they must be starting their day. A day that was meant to be just them, but the Shadowhunters have once again come knocking when Magnus doesn’t want to know they exist.

Isabelle crosses her arms, tapping her foot and shrugging.

“So?” She begins, staring at Magnus now instead of varying between the warlock and the demon.

“I don’t know what you expect me to tell you,” Magnus gets up from his stall, holding his mug in one hand and gesturing with the other, “because this is just as confusing for me at it is for you. I for one, did not expect to be in this situation, but I am.”

Magnus stands proud as he speaks, the glow of his skin present on the side of his face, his jaw framed by the light as it seeps through the apartment windows behind him. Alec remains in the spot by the kitchen bar.

“Magnus I trust you, but I can’t trust him,” For one moment, Isabelle looks to Alec, who keeps her gaze until she has to break it, a feeling of something dark pooling in her gut. “Can we speak in private?”

He goes to say something, but the way Isabelle seems to squeeze her arms and hunch her shoulders is a gesture that speaks volumes. Around Alec, she doesn’t feel safe, and she’s finding it hard to trust the situation when she can’t understand it. It feels dangerous, like she’s being lured into a demonic trap that Magnus has fallen for already. But Magnus has learned to trust Alec, so he has no doubt Isabelle will as well in time. That’s all she needs.

“Of course.” Those two words from Magnus have Alec frowning.

And Alec is about to protest when he feels a warm hand on his stomach, thumb moving a little to show a small sign of comfort. Magnus was ok with this, that he needs the privacy to explain to Isabelle properly without the shadow of Alec looming over her. It was already hard enough with Alec just watching them converse, visions in the back of her mind swearing she can see Alec’s eyes glow a deep red when she looks away.

His skin is pristine with no battle scars, but what she doesn’t know of is the glamour that hides his history and fate. Alec, out of habit and nerves, summoned the glamour back as soon as he heard her hand on the door, Magnus noticing the way he hides behind it as he looks at him during this very moment.

There’s something in the way he looks at Magnus, like he’s truly looking at him. Alec respects Magnus, staying on the outside instead of trying to force his way in, to appreciate what he’s given and not take it for granted. He holds his gaze and feels a settling warmth embrace him, Alec showing the worry through the shifting colours of brown and orange, Magnus being the only one to learn the patterns and read between the shards. It’s the Alec from before - what remains at least.

Alec doesn’t want to leave Magnus, especially when the hand on his stomach fuels him with the power he needs to keep standing on his own two feet. He’s worried what will happen, what will be said when he’s gone from the room.

Will she say something that turns Magnus against him? Maybe she’ll persuade him that this fantasy he’s chasing is nothing more than that - a false hope he’s been trying to hold on to, not noticing as it slips through his fingers. He’s too blinded by his own love to notice it, to notice the incoming onslaught that will do everything to rip them apart and what they’ve built.

If the next time Alec sees Magnus is a repeat of what he saw on the faithful day he summoned him, the cage of his magic confining him to one spot instead of exploring, touching and hugging him - then Alec would never come to this mortal plain again. He’d avoid it.

The pain of _losing_ Magnus, in every way possible. Losing his love, his friendship, his _trust_. It would rip Alec apart, and it would surely kindle the darkness that still sleeps in his bones, waiting for the day it twists and rots his mind. It’s already tried once, but Alec is strong. However, with the pain bleeding through his lungs, he might not have the will to push that crawling darkness back, to just let it absorb what remains and help him forget his last and final mistake.

Reluctant, Alec looks down to the hand on his stomach, then up Magnus’ arm to his face again. He’s not sure what to think, but he knows he can’t argue when Isabelle is standing right there. So far, everything he deemed as private information he’s shared with Magnus, so that means he trusts him not to tell every single one of his enemies. He didn’t at the meetings, or his encounters before when they almost got caught, and what difference would that make now? The war was over. Valentine was captured and imprisoned for all they know, and since there hasn’t been an army at his door demanding Magnus to go find him again, then he’s hopefully locked up for the rest of his miserable life. In conclusion, the only thing left was Alec, to capture and slay - or capture and banish. Either outcome wasn’t what Magnus wanted, especially after a lifetime promise to be by his side, lover or not.

Even if Magnus does tell Isabelle about his past, what he is, or what he’s meant to be won’t make much difference. She wouldn’t be here or casually talking about him on the phone if Magnus didn’t see her as an ally. Maybe that means Alec should see her as one too, considering she hasn’t gone and spat secrets they’ve being trying to keep for the sake of ridding the world of demons. But Alec doesn’t know her, only hearing and seeing parts but not the full story. Isabelle is a stranger to Alec, someone who he’s heard to be fierce but never seen. Just because Magnus trusts her, doesn’t mean Alec must, even more so in times like these where the whole focus of the Shadowhunter operation swings in his direction. Alec was the target, he was the finishing line for their so-called peace.

Bullshit. All of it.

There would be no peace if the Soul Sword ended up in Shadowhunter hands again. Alec would never give back an instrument that could destroy Magnus and everything he’s worked for. Even more so for everything he holds dear, like family and friends, Magnus’ _people._ Being so close to the end can push people to take risks, to claw that little further to reach the end quickly, overall increasing the time period for their ‘peaceful motives’. Isabelle might be using that trust she’s gained against Magnus, to gather every detail before they make their move on the warlock and demon alliance.

Alec wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case, but he would love to see that be a fake concept. At least, Alec can try and make sure that doesn’t happen, preventing Magnus from speaking so freely.

He sighs, placing his own hand on Magnus’ and moving it away. Out of everything, he didn’t expect to see Alec so conflicted about this one thing. Alec looks angry, but defeated at the same time.

Alec can’t disagree with Magnus because he trusts him, but he can’t shake the thoughts out of his head. Isabelle was unknown, and something he can’t understand, which was another problem to Alec, because he can’t protect Magnus from it.

So, he decides to go with his first thought, the gut instinct.

_Trust Magnus._

The smile is forced, but Alec’s eyes don’t lie. He’s hurting, because once again all the problems triangulate towards him. He’s causing all of Magnus’ problems now, not side-lined like before when there was a much bigger threat than himself out there.

And Magnus can’t take that pain away, even squeezing the demon’s hand to provide a little comfort. It does nothing as Alec pulls away, clenching his jaw.

He doesn’t even say anything, just gives one last uncertain glance towards Isabelle, walking past Magnus with guilt already pooling in his bones. This was his own fault. He’s tangled in a web and now Magnus is stuck there with him too, trying to work their way out of this situation so they can both keep to their ends of the deal.

Be free, to have that peace. Only this time they promised that it’d happen _together._

He didn’t turn to watch him leave, but for the first time, Magnus heard Alec’s heavy footsteps dragging across the carpet. A defeated sigh, then a door shutting as he stayed in Magnus’ bedroom. Isabelle gave Magnus time, watching as the warlock rubbed his thumb and forefinger together in thought. He was nervous, beyond a doubt wondering what Alec could be thinking about right now. One thing was for sure, is that Magnus truly hopes Alec doesn’t think he’s suddenly switching sides because of the difficulty of the situation. Magnus has told him before, that a good and evil side is by human perception alone, and that people can label different things good and evil. He was never on one side of the other, Magnus was always looking after his people first. That now includes Alec, so to hear that door shut, but not slammed, shows how much Alec is hurting. It’s not a tantrum or a cry for help, he’s just conflicted.

Do they follow their heart or just forget about all of this?

Magnus hears Isabelle’s footsteps, sharp clicks of her heels that mimic her strong attitude. She’s a fierce warrior, one that demands respect and authority, but Magnus can’t see any of that in her expression as she places a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry to come between you, but I’d rather have this conversation now instead of in front of the Clave.” Her voice is soft, speaking with nothing but intended care. Isabelle knows that this thing between them, it’s real.

When she walked in, the atmosphere was the most relaxing thing she’s ever witnessed. From the calming afternoon sun, to the smiles on faces and warm chocolate beverages steaming over their faces. It even looked like Alec had been the one to make Magnus food, and if that didn’t spell that Alec deserved a chance, then she didn’t know what else would. Even now, she expected Alec to lash out and protect him, but Magnus seems to have Alec wrapped around his finger, or the trust is spread equally both ways. He simply just gave her a wary look, not entirely sure if it’s safe to leave Magnus with her. It was, since she doesn’t have any ill intentions, not when Magnus turned up to the Institute looking so unsteady. Even his walk looked a little different, not so strong and elegant. Isabelle could see the scared glances back and forth when she escorted him to a room where they could speak in private, the sheer hope in his eyes that she would understand him.

At first, she didn’t, because her training was telling her demons were nothing but the evil they need to defeat. Yet… Alec didn’t even look like one when she entered the apartment. His skin was glowing, his hair messy from sleep and his posture relaxed. Magnus seemed to feel that same happiness and calm his partner was feeling, because the fear and uncertainty of Alec’s expression says everything.

_Alec fears of making Magnus lose everything._

He could leave, but he doesn’t want that. Same goes for Magnus, because his heart has never felt so complete since the demon gave the same feelings and attraction back to him. Magnus was determined to right these wrongs, not that him and Alec were wrong, but the mindset of The Clave. Finding a way to convince them that chasing after Alec was a fool's errand, persuading them not to provoke a demon when all he wants is to sleep in a warm bed. Of course, things will never be that easy, and certainly not if the angel blooded creatures are so attached to their glorified tooth pick. He very much doubted Alec would even let them have it, but maybe they should discuss it before a plan of action is made. Or Magnus just goes in and uses his charisma, hoping his witty charm and intelligence will get him to the other side of the battlefield.

Clenching his fist, he finally looks at Isabelle, and _really_ looks at her.

“How do I know you’re not planning to trick us? You could be sending a squad of hunters right now and using this so-called _message_ as bait.” Magnus didn’t want to be harsh, but his words might come across that way, even if Isabelle didn’t seem to take any physical response to it.

Mentally, she could feel the words hurting her. For Magnus to turn around and not completely trust her, it couldn’t have been any worse than that. Isabelle has risked her own status of the Institute for Magnus and Alec’s benefit.

“I can assure you I haven’t spoken a word to anyone, not even whispered it to a bird in the trees.” Removing her hand from his shoulder, Isabelle steps backwards and gives the man some space.

There was a slight tremble to his words, trying to block out his need to go and see Alec when he pushed him aside. He should be here, helping them decide a plan.

“I speak about trust a lot, but how much can I trust you Isabelle?” Magnus begins to wait for a reply, but he interrupts her before she can speak. “Let me rephrase that - how much can _Alec_ trust you?”

He leaves that question hanging in the air, watching as Isabelle leans against the kitchen counter, looking down to the floor and choosing her words carefully. For one, she knows Alec can’t be trusted, because she doesn’t understand him enough or know him enough. That problem can be fixed by speaking to him, but she wants to know where Magnus stands in this whole equation before she can deal with talking to a greater demon. And once again, she begins to see that title as just something painted to inflict fear.

Maybe someone placed it there, or Alec simply was a demon and over time he’s learned to combat that feeling, those urges. When she looks up, Isabelle notices Magnus has gained some of his confidence back, standing royal and head high. He wasn’t playing games here, and neither was Isabelle.

“Out of all people, you should know how hard it is to trust someone you barely know. You didn’t give me a chance even when I showed kindness to you, that’s how I know you’re as tough as they get.”

“And your point is?”

“My point is, Magnus, is that you wouldn’t be risking your entire legacy for a sexy fling with a demon. You don’t let people in easily, and you certainly don’t smile at everyone like you do towards The Swo-” She pauses, taking a deep breath to fix her mistakes. “-I mean Alec.”

Isabelle is learning. Not just from the files they have back at the institute, but learning from experience herself. It was extremely rare for _Magnus Bane_ to lose his composure, or have a little shake in his step because of nerves. So for him to act like this now, over this past week, it’s a big eye opener that this Alec is more than meets the eye.

Her dark, ebony hair was similar to Alec’s, having Magnus checking twice. It’s tied up in a bun, so she must have made haste to leave as soon as the Institute started to get nervous to Magnus’ whereabouts. Why would it take a warlock that long to get there? They knew of his playful and mischievous ways, but for a leader like Magnus was, there was no fun and games at all when it came to saving people’s lives. Isabelle made sure to calm them down, offering to go to his apartment alone.

“I’m alone because like I said, I didn’t speak a word about this to anyone. It’s been my secret to keep, and I owe you that for us Shadowhunters starting this mess in the first place. Our organisation isn’t exactly efficient, and there are a lot of leaders who don’t see from other sides of the spectrum, they just believe what they themselves think is right and move on. They don’t care for something simply because they can.” Isabelle seems to be getting through, as Magnus sits down and starts eating the food Alec made for him again.

Magnus simply laughs, because every word she said he already believes.

“That’s quite the statement, I guess that would be bad if I went and told your boss that. Now we’re both on a level playing field, considering you could go and tell them about my  _affairs_ and I can tell them about yours. Since you do know about us, there are ways to show you do if you end up turning your back on us.”

Isabelle nods. It’s quite an assertive tone from an outsider's perspective, but they are both mature and wise enough to know this is no playground matter. Allies are always a benefit, especially so if you can understand each other. If you know their side, and they know yours, then the avenues for larger plans and outcomes become available. Alec, if he accepts Isabelle and has the same level of trust Magnus has towards her, then they’ll become an even stronger team. With Isabelle keeping them up to date on Shadowhunter business, Alec and Magnus won’t have to tiptoe around various people to find the information they need.

Magnus takes another bite of his omelette, not looking at Isabelle as he ponders about his words. The food tastes good, but he wasn’t entirely focused on it when Isabelle was waiting for them to continue their conversation.

“Things need to change. All we do is follow these orders and rules blindly. None of the leaders ever try and do anything else, even when things go wrong it’s always someone's fault. They can bend the rules, but we can’t, and what order has that ever gotten us? We ended up in a war with some - psychotic, _disgusting_ man, and they would rather blame it on Downworlders than their own faulty rules,” Isabelle sighs, her shoulders becoming loose. It seems that the weight of these past few weeks was finally falling off her shoulders. “and they can always bend them as far as they go. But for us, stepping out of line deems us set up for punishment.”

“And without the Soul Sword, they lose one form of that?”

She huffs at that, smiling. That’s when she looks to Magnus, a smile on his face for the first time since she entered that door. “They should use that damn sword on themselves, it’ll reveal all the snakes that hide in our ranks quicker than they can blame it on anyone else for a change.” Now those words do make Magnus giggle.

Finishing his omelette, Magnus stands and heads round to the sink, next to where Isabelle leans her back against the side.

“I appreciate your words, darling, but I’m not the one you should be speaking to about this. I have no power to change Shadowhunter law.”

Isabelle sighs, crossing her arms tighter. “I’m not asking you to change anything. I guess I’m just getting it off my chest. It’s hell in there, you know.” Magnus hums at that, knowing clearly from the many times he’s visited, “Ever since what I thought was the end, we had a meeting about the next plan of action.”

“And it involves Alec as star of the show?” Magnus is washing his plate, placing it to the side to let it dry.

“Seems he’s the star of your show too,” Isabelle nudges him, causing Magnus to release a little chuckle. “It's good to see you so happy, Magnus. I haven’t known you for long, but you seem like yourself and a totally different person at the same time.”

Picking up a towel, he idly dries the plate as he listens to Isabelle, feeling the warm bubbling inside of his stomach. That same feeling again, every time Alec smiles at him causing the feeling to grow and evolve. Magnus can’t say it out loud because he can’t fathom the pain if he can’t have this for real, that he can’t have Alec.

“I’m lucky to have him,” he begins, smiling off into the distance, the warm autumn of his eyes shining a little. “he’s a… strange, beautiful, _annoyingly_ interesting guy.”

“That just happens to be a greater demon.” Isabelle finishes his sentence, but they both smile. “Look, I’m not one to judge, but you have to understand I can’t trust him like you can, not until I at least talk to him. And I don’t want to do that until I know that you’re aware of something.”

As Magnus places the plate away, he slowly turns, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together.

“And what’s that?”

“That this all goes wrong, and you won’t have Alec,”

Those words feel like a stake through his heart, making the colour of the afternoon feel heavy, _sickly._ Magnus has always said and thought of the worst, that Alec would have to truly run away and forget about all of this, forget about himself and Magnus.

He’d have to forget about their first kiss, their first victory, their first takeaway noodles. Magnus doesn’t want to forget any of them, but remembering would only cause pain if he tried to hold on, Alec letting go because he doubts he’ll drag Magnus with him. That’s who Alec is, to sacrifice himself and make sure the people he loves don’t suffer.

If Alec asks him to run away, to live a life with him, would he?

Magnus can’t think of that answer right now, but it suddenly dawns on him that he might. Ragnor always tells him that once he finds happiness, he must keep it close. He just never expected to find that in a person - a person that so happens to be a _greater demon,_ enemy to Shadowhunters. But he also has one of the softest smiles in the morning.

“I want to make sure you know what you’re doing, and I don’t want to see you or Alec getting hurt because of this. The world is rough, and unfortunately we get the brunt of it.”

“It’s too late, for any of that.”

“What do you mean?” Isabelle turns and looks to him, frowning slightly.

“Alec,” He walks from the cupboard to the bar, placing his fingertips along the surface near where Alec was standing a few minutes ago. “I can’t even think of letting him go.”

There’s a silence that feels heavy, but it lifts as soon as it appears. Magnus is looking at the door down the hallway that has his lover on the other side, cursing the wood that breaks them apart.

“The Clave won’t stop.” Isabelle adds.

“And neither will I,” Magnus continues to stare at the door as he talks. “because Alec deserves better than running his entire life alone.”

Isabelle pours herself a glass of water, crossing one arm over her stomach as she takes a sip. She didn’t intend to make this conversation so long, but it’s nice to learn how much Alec means to Magnus and how far he’s willing to go.

“Why don’t you go with him?”

Magnus looks over his shoulder, shaking his head.

“I can’t just abandon my people, and as much as I-” And his words die on his tongue.

Those words again, the thoughts that constantly warm his heart and give that bubbly feeling in his stomach. Isabelle is smiling at him, but it’s a smile that tries to be kind and hides pain behind it.

“You love him.”

Hearing someone else say it doesn’t make it any easier, especially when he’s been trying so hard to deny it and keep it at bay. If he controls it, it won’t hurt as much when Alec has to leave him.

“Don’t say that.”

“Why? Where’s the honour in telling a lie?” Isabelle downs the last part of her water. “I know we’ve been living one, but it’s a necessity for survival. This - what your body and soul is telling you, it’s something you need to listen to. Because if I was you, I would be chasing after that as quick as I can. Not many people get a chance like you have.”

Magnus closes his eyes, breathing in and tipping his head back. He expected a conversation about the Clave complaining he never turned up today, and it’s ended up being a rather annoying but eye-opening talk. Maybe she was right, that he should take this chance.

“A chance for what?” Magnus says, opening his eyes and looking directly at her. “I thought that this was all over, that Valentine would be the end. I’ve been so blinded by my hopes and dreams of having this shining light at the end of the tunnel that I’ve forgotten how crude and insufferable the Clave really is. There is no chance for Alec, no ch-”

“I’m not talking about Alec. I’m talking about you _and_ Alec,” She watches Magnus’ expression slowly shift. “I’m sure Alec feels the same way. He’s done things to be with you and spend time with you like I’ve said before. Frankly, he might have even said he loves you already, hiding behind words he thinks will try and null that fact, just in case you don’t.”

“Are you saying Alec doesn’t trust me?”

“You’re the _only_ person he trusts. You will be the first person he gives his heart to if his story is anything to go by, and I’m sure you can confirm that?”

Magnus slowly nods, expression plagued with sadness at remembering the night Alec poured his heart out telling his story - and that was only what Alec remembers.

“Then why not go for it? Fuck the rules, you’re practically already breaking them. And take it from me,” Isabelle pauses, making sure Magnus is focused before continuing. “if you get a chance at true happiness, _take it._ We live our lives in fear every day, and more than half of us live it without ever getting the chance you have. Yes, it’s not the best of situations, but sometimes a once in a lifetime opportunity is simply that.”

One thing he doesn’t expect to do today, is agree with a Shadowhunter. It takes some thought, but the way she’s speaking is like coming from experience. Even if she hasn’t lived through as many relationships as Magnus has, heartbreak is still heartbreak. Pain is still pain. Magnus truly does have a new horizon, a little dangerous and odd, but he has a real chance at something he’s been dreaming of for years.

A heart that feels whole, _warm._

Alec does that and so, so much more. Magnus even bets that they’re only just touching the surface of their relationship, held back by fear and treading on thin ice. They practically still are, but Magnus is not having this anymore, these second thoughts that doubt every action towards Alec.

For _crying out loud,_ they’ve made promises to be together, and they’ve even stayed in bed for almost a whole day. For Isabelle, they might as well be happily married already - heck, she would if she was in their situation. If you’re given a clear path of anything that you want in this life, then why waste the seconds you have and just _go for it._

Magnus stands with a newly found confidence, smiling that soon transforms into a victorious smirk. He’ll do it. He’ll keep fighting until Alec says it’s enough. Maybe he won’t stop even then, but if Alec can’t see their future, then Magnus won’t either.

And Magnus finds it hard to think that when he remembers the way Alec looks at him.

Alec doesn’t look past him. Alec doesn’t look at Magnus like he’s the next notch on his belt. Alec looks at him and _smiles,_ the warmth of the hazel embracing Magnus before he even reaches him. Really, it’s humorous how love sick they are and they don’t seem to realise until someone else says it. If Alec never spoke to him again after the summoning, or Magnus didn’t agree with the deal, would they be where they are now? Would they still be consumed by hands and lips they could never get enough of?

He doesn’t want to think about that, but he still questions it. That way, he can truly be grateful that life has turned out this way and not those options. Because in this life, he was smiling for a reason other than a one night stand, or an old collection of wine. Magnus was smiling because of someone else, a person. Yes, he has friends and allies he smiles with, but with Alec it feels _natural._ It’s almost like his soul has been waiting for him, an uncontrollable happiness sweeping him off his feet and into the hands of a situation he would never see himself getting into.

Yet here he is, biting his bottom lip and turning a ring around his finger in thought. He really wants to run into that room, hold Alec by the face and kiss him until his lungs cave in. He wants to prove to Alec he’s not going anywhere, and Magnus wants to know if Alec truly feels the same and says it -- not just through another promise.

Promises can be broken, always. Magnus needs to feel that promise, the hands that hold him to hold and never let go. The kisses that promise a lifetime, Magnus wants those to be _immortal._

Isabelle chuckles, softly bobbing her shoulders. “Wow, you really are gone, aren’t you?”

And Magnus can’t help but chuckle. No lying to himself anymore. “You’re right. Maybe I should be following my heart, a little more than usual this time.”

“Can I be the flower girl at your wedding?” She asks, amused by the smirk that paints itself over Magnus’ lips.

“A High Warlock and a Greater Demon getting married? I don’t think that’s allowed.”

“Pretty sure the Downworld can make a few arrangements. Didn’t say it had to be a Shadowhunter wedding.” Isabelle rolls her eyes, but she still has a smile on her face.

“At least that way I can control all the wardrobe arrangements.” Magnus doesn’t realise he’s falling into her trap.

“So you _are_ going to marry him someday?” Raising one eyebrow, she hangs onto the question almost like a lifeline.

Moments after, Magnus realises he's been agreeing with her the whole time.

 _Wow,_ he truly is in love, one that's blooming so fast it scares him a little. A love like a flame that burns so quickly there won’t be anything left.

He hopes that isn’t the case this time.

“I guess I am saying that.” The smirk he has simmers to a smile, natural that pulls at the edges of his eyes.

She smiles back, tapping her nails against her bicep as her hand rests there.

“How about we discuss why I came here before this gets too mushy for me to handle. I am truly happy for you guys, but let’s not avoid the pig in the room.”

Magnus nods, almost immediately. Thinking about Alec has his heart pounding, the only cure being his presence. It seems futile though, because being near him makes his heart pound even more. And he can’t, not right now, not until his talk with Isabelle is over or he’ll have to leave him more than once.

“The Clave wants me to talk about what happened, correct?”

“Indeed,” Isabelle brings out her phone from her leather jacket pocket. “from how you found him, to how you managed to capture him.”

“Ah, I see. So they’re wondering how a _low life Downworlder_ did a better job than they did.” Magnus sighs, but he notices how Isabelle doesn’t seem finished. “Let me guess, there’s more?”

There was a silence, Isabelle looking down to her phone, then looking back to Magnus. Reaching his hand out, Magnus could now read the entire length of notes from the meetings she had earlier today. Reluctantly, Magnus takes the phone, holding it gently in one hand, the device becoming more and more heavy as he reads on.

 

_IDRIS to NEW YORK INSTITUTE_

_-Please discuss these notes with all higher personnel and be ready for an impending trial._

_Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn is in suspicion of working with the greater demon, ‘SWORDSMAN' in the capture of Valentine._

_Valentine has demonic ichor in his veins that cannot be removed by our medical staff._

_Guards of the criminal say he ‘doesn't want to fall asleep because he’s (SWORDSMAN) waiting for him.’ He will repeatedly bang the bars to say he feels like ‘he’s on fire’._

_These are all traits that match the ‘SWORDSMAN' file and his perceived powers. The wound will not heal, and it was inflicted before he was captured._

_Magnus Bane is the only one to summon the demon outside of other warlocks, and the ‘SWORDSMAN’ has only been violently active in Brooklyn._

_Last seen on radar heading to Bane’s current and known apartment, as well as the Jade Wolf, but never turned up._

_Isabelle Lightwood speaks for his defence that the ‘SWORDSMAN' never turned up to his apartment and simply used the demon’s magic from where he was on the radar to find and track Valentine._

_Bane has been given a night to recover his magic on request of the current leader of the New York Institute, Isabelle Lightwood._

_UPDATE: Magnus Bane has not turned up to the Institute for questioning. (As of 12:08)_

_(As of 3:38) Isabelle Lightwood has volunteered to go to Bane’s current residence for explanation._

 

Magnus can’t believe what he’s reading. Not only was Valentine cursed by Alec, but the Clave somehow pieced all the loose ends together.

“I’m so sorry, I never intended for you to get involved.”

“I practically already was. Being the leader of my Institute instantly puts me on the front of any problem the Clave deems to have. And to be honest, I don’t regret it. You captured Valentine, and you’re preventing Alec from causing havoc.”

“Mmm,” He hands the phone back to Isabelle, still reading the message over in his head. At least he knows what to expect in terms of questions, or what holes to fill in to save all three of them. “It wasn’t me who prevented havoc, Alec battled through on his own. I just gave him something to hold on to.”

“It’s still something that helped. I’m sure he’ll be forever thankful for it.” Isabelle smiles, locking her phone and putting it away again. “I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you don’t come back to the Institute with me, they’ll have even more suspicion and time to pin more accusations on you.”

“Wait, you’re the leader? What happened to Maryse?” He wasn’t trying to change the subject, but he was generally concerned that over a few days, the leadership has shifted.

“As soon as Valentine was captured, she was called to Idris along with my dad. So - I’m the only remaining of the Lightwood name left to take over.”

“Hmm,” Magnus fumbles with the robe near his neck. “what about the blonde boy?”

“He’s actually a Herondale.” Shrugging, Isabelle doesn’t really know how to talk about that. “Been learning about his family history, haven’t seen him much.”

The way she stands, the orange light covering half her figure - no one would guess the internal war going on inside her. With the situation of Magnus and Alec, to the stress of running the Institute back home, Isabelle was _exhausted._ Obviously, she can handle it, but it was putting a toll on her to try and protect her closest friends, but also do what's right.

“I guess I owe you a vacation once we have this sorted.” Magnus says, Isabelle laughs.

“I think you owe me more than a vacation. Maybe a _year_ of vacations.”

“That can be arranged, my dear. Maybe I’ll throw in some luxury clothing and accessories too.” He walks up to her, Isabelle holding her hand out for him to shake. “None of that, come here.”

Magnus pulls her into a gentle hug, Isabelle placing her hands gently on his back, slowly loosening the tension in her shoulders.

“No amount of vacations can say thank you for what you’ve done for me and Alec. But I promise you, we’ll all have some peace and quiet once we sort this all out, whenever that is.” He finishes his words with a gentle pat to her back, pulling away.

She smiles, tilting her head slightly as Magnus witnesses the glow of her cheeks from the afternoon sun. He moves a strand of hair behind her ear, admiring her strength in beauty.

“You really are a shining light within these Shadowhunters. If only others would follow your views, the world would be a lot more peaceful, and _happy.”_ He gives her another bright smile, letting the air become rather kind again instead of the usual tension when it came to business matters. “And I will go back with you, I just need to look a bit more… presentable.” Magnus does a little twirl with his fingers, gesturing to himself that he can’t exactly turn up in a robe to an important meeting.

“You’re presentable, but not for the Clave.” She winks, being a bit flirty but having no intentions other than to make it a bit humorous.

“Oh,” Magnus beams, “I’ll take that as a compliment, and Alec seems to agree.”

Isabelle shakes her head, rolling her eyes soon after. She adjusts her jacket, heading over to the puppy who has captured her attention from the start. Secretly, she was giddy to see the cute puppy sitting there, Omamori reaching her paws out as Isabelle scoops her into her arms.

“Well, don’t distract your boyfriend for too long, we have important people to win over.”

Magnus begins to walk back to his bedroom, walking with a new, brewing happiness that he didn’t have before. And of course, he can’t leave without a bit of teasing.

“I already won the most important person over.”

“Disgustingly sappy, ugh.” She plays a disgusted expression, but doesn’t do much else other than that, scratching behind Omamori’s floppy ear. “Save your sappy one liners for Alec. I’ll take this magical demon pup for a walk, and I expect you to be ready when I’m back.”

“Very observant, and yes darling, I will be.”

Laughter fills the air, which is a drastic contrast to the silence of his bedroom when he slowly opens the door. The blinds are shut, darkness enveloping the room, a heavy aura suffocating the air that seems to simmer as Magnus steps inside. Magnus knows exactly where it’s coming from, or _who._

Alec is sitting on the bed, head in his hands, breaths shallow and seemingly frozen. As the door clicks, it takes a few seconds before Alec begins to lift his head, watching as Magnus looks at him. Magnus is the first to smile, placing both hands behind him on the door and leaning forwards a little.

“You alright?” Magnus’ tone is soft, and as Magnus continues to smile, the darkness of the room doesn’t seem so dark anymore.

Alec looks away, clenching his jaw and swallowing his doubts. He’s been sitting here worried, hearing the raised voices and laughter through the door. And here he was again, alone, sadness radiating from him and affecting the surrounding environment. Alec blocked out the sun, the atmosphere heavy from his thoughts and weighing his head down, having to be held up by hands. The demonic magic closed the blinds without him knowing, yet Magnus’ smile and presence seems to make all that go away, the blinds letting the smallest bars of afternoon light through.

“How did it go?” Alec speaks quietly, completely avoiding the question before, because he isn’t ready to answer. He doesn’t want to lie to Magnus.

And Magnus knows he isn’t ok, especially because he’s afraid to look at him.

“Alright, I suppose.” Magnus softly shrugs, staying by the door. “Good news and bad news.”

Just mentioning bad news has Alec _cringing,_ knowing the doubt deep inside of him that this isn’t over yet has finally come true. If he’s gotten Magnus into deeper trouble, then Alec will probably never forgive himself. Magnus’ voice breaks through that train of thought.

“Come here,” Magnus is still by the door, hand on the wooden frame and gesturing Alec towards him with the slight movement of his head.

“What?” Alec muffles, Magnus keeping his lips shut and letting Alec decide for himself.

The blue robe Magnus wears doesn’t glimmer as much in the darkness, but the smallest light catches the designs and silk of the material. Alec watches it shimmer gently as he stands, eyes moving down Magnus’ frame. He’s not sure what Magnus wants, as the nervous gesture of Alec scratching the back of his neck begins.

Everything shifts as Alec stands an arm’s reach away, small lines of sunlight where it breaks through the blinds on one side of his face. Magnus’ face is coated in darkness, the shards of sunlight catching his robe producing the smaller shimmers of silk.

What Isabelle said about taking every chance he gets, he wants to take it now. Not too far, but far enough that his lips burn with the same euphoria he wants to feel from Alec. He wants to feel that grounding desire and confirmation that makes it hard to breathe because of the overwhelming feeling of _belonging._

Magnus reaches out, fingers slowly gripping onto the waistband of his sweatpants. Alec feels his body become warm, the soft tickle of Magnus’ nails sending small little sparks up the front of his torso, breath hitching when Magnus pulls him in. Their noses brush, Alec looking ever so sad as he stares back at Magnus’ eyes.

They’re so beautiful, that words can never describe them. Words cannot describe the intelligence behind them, the wisdom and years Magnus has been through. Alec can never match him, but he can learn to be a new strength for him.

Alec moves both of his arms forwards, moving underneath the robe and over the softness of his skin. Calloused fingertips scope the surface, pulling him in even closer as Magnus scratches the small hairs travelling into his trousers.

“I want you to know that I’ll never leave you.” Magnus closes his eyes, lips parted just slightly, Alec leaning in but never closing the gap.

Alec hums, agreeing with the words he speaks, bottoms lips brushing together.

Lifting the free hand that's on the door, he cards his fingers through Alec’s hair, gripping towards the back and feeling the soft, familiar hair between his fingertips. “Yeah, _yeah,”_ Alec finally replies, hoarse tone breaking through. “I promised, didn’t I? I will wait for this, us, just --  _don’t push me away.”_

Magnus pauses his movements, opening his eyes and catching Alec’s gaze. Moisture glazes over hazel, searching one of his eyes and then the other. “Alec, I’m not doing it on purpose. I’m trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need protecting,” Alec grits back, forcing his eyes shut and angling his head away. “I can handle things on my own.”

Pain courses through him, taking the hand that was previously in Alec’s hair to hold his cheek.

“I never said you couldn’t. There are people out there who will stop at _nothing_ to hurt you, and sometimes you can’t fight on your own. Sometimes I can’t fight without you, and it doesn’t have to be physically,” Lifting the hand that was previously holding the waistband of Alec’s sweatpants, he instead places it on Alec’s heart. “I need you _here,_ to get through the day, to get through those meetings. I need you more than I know.”

Alec feels his chest swell, heart expanding so much it feels like it’ll force past his ribs. Magnus is holding a hand to his heart and he’s never felt so loved, so warm, so - _at peace._

Alec swallows past the breath he’s holding, fingertips gripping the bottom of Magnus’ spine and pulling him in. Their lips collide, once again lost in the feeling of the roughness of Alec’s lips and the softness of Magnus’. Darkness feels like light, the heavy atmosphere wrapping around them like a hug instead of a heavy weight that plagues them.

Magnus’ shoulder blades push against the door, their heads tilting to kiss almost perfectly, hands exploring and lungs breathing easy. They’re taking their time, even if Magnus has a meeting, Isabelle gave him one hour, and he’ll use that hour to erase any doubt Alec has. He’ll erase any fear he has of Magnus turning his back on him, of being replaced - _forgotten._ And Alec knows, because Magnus’ hands are leaving small trails, the tips of sharp nails painting patterns over light, warm skin.

Keeping his hand on Alec’s heart, blue magic begins to feather over the surface. It’s cold in contrast to his warm hands, creating small specks of glitter over Alec’s chest. That magic isn’t being controlled by Magnus, it being a _result_ of Alec. He loses a small ounce of control when he’s around him, magic seeping through his fingers as it tries to reach out. And the magic does just that, controlling his own hand to surf up towards Alec’s neck, the glamour hiding his scars flickering like a lamp in the street. Said glamour fades when Magnus massages his fingers at the back of Alec’s neck, a hum coming from the base of Alec’s throat.

Alec knows the glamour drops, and he knows it’s because of the man he sees no end to kissing. They equally make each other weak yet strong at the same time, breaking defences down and letting themselves be consumed by the thing they want. Magnus’ own glamour fades, hidden by his eyes being closed, but Alec knows from the way it shines through his lashes.

Alec looks at him like he’s the only thing that exists, that Magnus is the only thing to ever be worth existing. He moves his hands from Magnus’ behind upwards, scoping over the strong curve in his back and ending on the strong lines of his jaw.

Their lips part, breaths slow and ragged, hearts racing.

“I know you mean good, but please, don’t push me away. No lies, no secrets. We tell each other everything, okay?” Alec whispers those words on Magnus’ lips, smile twitching.

“Deal,” Magnus replies, causing Alec to shake his head in amusement.

“We should stop making deals, we tend to not follow them, hence…” He looks Magnus up and down, eyes gesturing between them, making the warlock laugh as he remembers the exact deal they made. Help each other catch Valentine, then have Alec run away and never be seen again.

Now it was the complete opposite, Magnus never wanting him to let go.

The laughter puts a smile on his face, placing his head back as Alec goes in for more kisses across the column of his neck. Alec is laughing too, but it’s little huffs between his kisses, trying to tickle Magnus by his sides as hands move down again.

“Alec! _Alec!”_ Magnus pats his chest, trying to get him to stop between his chuckles, but Alec keeps going, pulling him with him away from the door.

He stumbles a few steps, having been reliant on the door for his support, Alec’s arms keeping him steady without breaking a sweat. Magnus feels Alec’s hair tickle his ear, causing him to react and try and move away. Alec only chases, the bubbly sound of Magnus laughing keeping both of their smiles alive and well as Alec continues to walk backwards.

“Alec, I have to go soon,” he says, even though Magnus is holding Alec by his waist and following him. It’s like his mind is thinking opposite to what his body wants. “Stop distracting me.”

“I’m not doing anything.” Alec grumbles into his neck, nosing the shell of his ear before kissing it, lips travelling down to softly bite the protruding collarbone.

 _“Alec--”_ he's about to complain again, but has the wind pushed from his lips when he falls forward.

The back of Alec’s knees hit the bed, sending the demon back with laughter filling the air, and Magnus following to hover over the top of him. His first reaction was to close his eyes to prevent damage from falling, but one of his hands made contact with silk, and the other landed on Alec’s chest. Alec huffed from the initial pressure, but it didn’t do much else. So as Magnus slowly flutters his eyes open, he’s met with Alec smiling brightly at him in the darkness.

“Hey,” Alec speaks softly, moving a hand gently through the warlock’s hair while the other sits on his hip under the robe. “How’s the view?”

Magnus can’t help but laugh again, lightly smacking his chest to fuel the mischievous smirk on Alec’s lips.

“You love yourself way too much.”

“No, I l--” Alec stops himself, lips hanging open as his face goes blank. He doesn't even know if he means it, yet. He doesn't even know what  _love_ is.

“...like Hawaii?” Magnus finishes the sentence for him, strain on his lungs from the initial shock.

Alec _almost_ said it, those words he fears but at the same time wants to say.

Alec doesn’t reply, he just sighs, letting his head fall back.

“Sorry, I -- I don't know what I was doing.” he keeps one hand in Magnus’ hair, the other moving from his hip to between his shoulder blades.

Understanding what Alec means, he lets his arms rest on the demon’s chest, crossing his arms and placing his chin on them. Magnus thinks Alec looks defeated, and inside, he is. He doesn’t know the right time to let everything go, to let him speak what he wants to say. With how things are going, and how much progress they’re making, it might not be too long until then, but will it still be relevant? Alec doesn’t know what Isabelle said to Magnus, and even then, Magnus doesn’t feel like it's the right time either. Knowing it’s real and that they both feel  _something,_ a  _spark -_ it's enough for now.

“The Clave wants to question me in a trial,” he doesn’t know how else to say it, Magnus simply speaking it with no emotion. Alec tenses beneath him, guessing the rest before he even says it. “And they think I’m working with you.”

“For a moment, I forgot you mentioned bad news,” Alec pushes himself to his elbows, looking down at Magnus, the warlock trying to smile Alec’s worries away. “This is getting far too dangerous, Magnus.”

“When has it ever been safe?” tilting his head, he watches Alec think about that for a moment. “It’s not like I didn’t think about this as an outcome. Yes, it’s scary, and it’s a bump in our road, but that’s not going to stop me.”

 _“Our_ road?” he catches a slight hint of a blush on Alec’s face, letting his head fall to the side.

“Dumped me already?” Magnus eyes him warily as Alec’s face immediately turns pale.

“No! No, I mean--” Alec stutters, Magnus pushing down by his chest so he can move up, kissing him softly to get the message across without words.

“I’m teasing,” Magnus takes a moment to smile down at him, Alec sighing as he uses one hand to hold his face, thumb brushing at the edge of his goatee. “You took it better than expected, the news.”

“I don’t want it to happen, but you’re right. It's practically inevitable,” Alec pecks his lips, hand on his waist moving to gently rub the bottom of his spine. “I’m just worried I’ll make you lose everything, just to save me.”

It's dangerous territory, dodging the light to hide in the shadows. Now Magnus has been caught, the loop holes in plain sight, they’ve been pushed into a corner that they can’t escape. Alec can, because he’s far from the pressure of the Clave, and they have no idea where he is. Whereas Magnus is practically famous and in the most danger. He’s directly in the firing line, and Alec can’t jump in to save him unless he risks himself. In fact, it might even be worse, because if Alec does show himself, Magnus will definitely be in risk of losing his title if the Clave has anything to say about it.

“And is Isabelle okay with this whole thing?”

“I can say she’s our number one fan.” Magnus knows Alec is trying to distract himself, wanting to get answers to his questions without making the situation so bleak.

Because that’s what Alec fears the most. Hiding away, waiting like a scout in the shadows while Magnus has to take every hit thrown at him.

“Magnus, I think we need to talk after your meeting,” Alec sighs, looking away from Magnus so the warmth of his eyes doesn’t make him so upset. “I can’t have you doing this on your own.”

Cold bites travel down his back, stopping at Alec’s hand and building, swelling in his chest. Magnus doesn’t know exactly what that means, but he can guess if the outcome is bad -- it could mean the end for them.

“Alec--”

Alec kisses him, softly dragging his lips against the warlocks. Magnus tries to pull away, but he finds himself kissing back, trying to block out the thought of what he thinks Alec means.

“I’m not saying anything for sure, but Magnus, I don’t want to take the life you have away. If you’re at risk of losing everything and it's because of me being in your life, I--,” Alec has to close his eyes, placing his forehead against Magnus’. “I will never forgive myself.”

“If I want to risk it, then I will. You can’t give up on me even after all of this.”

“I’m not saying that. If the meeting doesn’t go well, then maybe we should limit seeing each other. See it as a safety blanket. The less I’m here, the less at risk you’ll be until it’s all over. And I mean _all_ over.” Alec bites his own lip. “I am _shit_ at words, but I will _never_ leave you, you’re stuck with me until you want me gone. Which I hope is never, by the way.”

The breath Magnus releases is pure relief. Magnus immediately thought Alec meant bringing an end to whatever their relationship is, but he's simply trying to help. There will be more hiding, but if the Clave has increased their watch and hunt for Alec, Magnus will be under constant pressure if he's in the immediate area of his apartment. Especially difficult, would be staying apart after moments like this, laying contently on the bed and kissing each other endlessly.

Alec’s hand moves slowly, curving over Magnus’ behind while the other hand brushes against the short hairs at the back of his head. Magnus agrees with what Alec says, taking the break in their kiss to smile and move a nail along the stubbled chin.

“It’ll be hard to keep away from you, but if we have to, then I will,” Alec smiles back at Magnus’ words, “Because this, _us,_ is worth waiting for.”

The scars on Alec’s back ripple, Magnus’ fingers careful where they grip, tugging on his shoulder blade when Alec hugs him a little tighter. Alec grits his teeth, the pain shooting through him but not stopping Alec from embracing him. Before he can say anything, or to apologise, Magnus feels silk tickle over the back of his hand, feathers reaching out.

Magnus doesn't need any more time to realise what  _exactly_ it is he feels.

“Your wings, Alec.” It takes Alec a moment to feel sense, raising his head a little and moving one of his shoulders.

Initially, the bones drag together, creating an awful crunching sound that makes Alec freeze in panic that he’s broken something. In the heat of the moment, and Magnus’ nails pulling the skin, Alec’s small, young wings must have opened up, spreading themselves for the first time since they burned in the fires of Edom.

Deep down, Alec doesn’t want to look, but Magnus’ smile reassures him that it isn’t all bad. In fact, Magnus can only see one of them, the other hiding from the way Alec leans over him. It shimmers, similar to Magnus’ robe. The feathers are a midnight blue, the surface like silk as he gently places his fingers through them. Alec feels a multitude of emotions skittering over the surface of his heart because of such a gentle gesture.

"They're not meant to be healed, they're meant to be  _broken."_ The denial in his tone breaks Magnus' heart, removing his hand from the demon's young, healing wings.

"But they're healing, Alec, you said it yourself. This is something positive, right? Surely."

"When is anything ever positive in this world, Magnus? I'm a fallen angel with superhuman strength, speed and abilities. I almost lost control to the point of losing  _you,_ and if my luck follows course, my wings healing will end in something bad. I know it will."

Silence envelopes them, making Alec's lungs sink, regret making him sigh as Magnus gives him a  _look._ No negative thoughts, only positive.  _Right._

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Alec." he gently kisses the tip of his nose, "It's okay to say what you feel."

"Not if it breaks your heart like that." Alec looks down, almost ashamed he could tell the exact emotion from the falter in the warlock's heart. It hurts even more Alec doesn't understand the emotion himself, because all he feels from it is this  _ache_ in his chest.

_"Alec."_

“You ok?” trying to change the subject, Alec finally looks at him again.

"Are you?" Magnus knows he won't get an answer, but he asks anyway.

"Is anyone?" And there's his confirmation.

The reminder of the Clave creeping closer has shaken them both. Move on, that's all they can do right now and hope for the best. Sometimes, that's all they  _can_ do.

"You have a meeting to get to.”

“You suck.” A groan fills the air, punching Alec’s chest lightly at the sour reminder.

“I do.” Alec smirks at his own joke, and Magnus can’t fathom the energy to shove him in annoyance.

“Mmm,” he can’t stay mad at him, especially from the smile Alec wears from Magnus' own smile, beginning to move his fingers through his hair. “Thank you.”

Alec stops his fingers at the back of his head, pulling him in for one final, soft kiss. After that, Alec pushes himself from the bed, standing up and turning around.

Magnus spots his wings, curled up frightened against his back. They're no bigger than a pigeon wing, the skin around them slightly red. They make him want to reach out and glide his fingers through them again, so delicate and angelic in their form despite the colour. They're tokens that show his angelic past, but are now coloured by his present. Fragile, yet they're the wings of a powerful greater demon.

 

And now, Alec finds himself searching for more topics, something to take his mind off the fact Magnus needs to leave soon. So, he remembers good memories, specific memories that make him smile and Magnus question the growth of such an expression.

“I like treating you. Maybe I should do it more often.” Alec places his hands on Magnus’ waist, laughing softly as they bring their foreheads together. Comfort is needed, more so by the second.

“Extremely cheesy tourist shirts and kisses? From you? Ah, that’s the best Christmas gift I’ll ever receive.” Magnus places his hands on Alec’s waist, mimicking his boyfriend’s actions, nails skating along the sharp bone of his hip.

“Christmas?” Alec looks slightly confused, watching the smile shift and become brighter.

This’ll be Alec’s first Christmas, or the first one he can remember.

“Yes! Christmas, if you want to spend it with me. I plan to get some decorations on the way home after this meeting. I’m feeling rather  _festive,_ this year _.”_

What Alec doesn’t know, is that this, Magnus buying and placing decorations, isn’t a usual occurrence. Parties, yes, there’ll be plenty, but not celebrating for himself or with another person the traditional way. This time he’ll have Alec with him, if he agrees.

There was still the worry of how this meeting went, as well as Alec’s wish to reduce the amount he sees Magnus to avoid the risk of him in danger. But no matter what, those Shadowhunters will not spoil a chance for a festive Christmas, especially not more time with Alec.

“Oh, I would love to,” Magnus kisses his lips softly at that, Alec feeling butterflies flutter inside his stomach. “and you can teach me all about it. Especially this --  _Santa Claus_ guy everyone keeps on about.”

He tries to hold it, but the laughter escapes Magnus, pulling the smile wider and crinkling the edges of his eyes.

“Mmm, I look forward to it.” Magnus pats his chest as he moves away, Alec smiling at him.

He’s not sure what to do with himself now Magnus parts from his presence, but as Magnus opens his wardrobe and asks him to choose a suit that will _deal the business best_ \- Alec falls into place.

Alec makes sure Magnus doesn’t see his wings, but Magnus knows they’re there. And eventually, he does catch him as he asks Alec to fetch him one of his pairs of shoes.

Magnus places a hand on the middle of Alec’s back, the wings shrinking, frightened. They seem to have a life of their own, unlike the Soul Sword as it sits dormant leaning against the wall. Frankly, Alec has forgotten about the Soul Sword ever since Valentine was captured. Having no need to think about it, Alec carries on with what he does want to think about – and that’s 95% Magnus. The other 5% is probably food.

“Can I ask you something?” Magnus speaks with a questioning tone, watching as the midnight blue of the feathers shimmer gently as they move, following the rhythm of Alec’s breathing.

Usually Alec would say that Magnus can ask him anything, but Alec knows the question will be about his wings, and he can’t seem to understand why he’s so afraid. He stays silent, holding the shoes he’s picked for Magnus in his hands.

“Why are you afraid of showing your wings to me?” He takes a step closer, Alec’s body tensing but then relaxing as he doesn’t do much else.

“I - I don’t know.” And he’s genuine.

Alec doesn’t know, but there’s something making him afraid, a feeling that yanks at the feathers and causes them to curl tight. What annoys him the most, is the drastic change in how he feels about his wings.

One moment, he was happy they were back, growing naturally instead of forced. But - there was an underlying fear present, a cold sticking to his skin about them, and Alec can’t place why.

Magnus knows not to push it anymore, placing one gentle kiss in the middle of his back. The feathers release some tension, opening ever so slightly. One thing he notices about Alec’s wings is the variants of saturation. His feathers are much richer in the colour blue when in light, but it isn’t a bright blue. Whereas the feathers casted in shade are almost black with a hint of that blue, obtaining the silky shine in both darkness and light. He even notices small freckles of white, but they can’t be seen from an arm’s length away, the person has to be as close as Magnus is now, skin to skin. Overall, Magnus would say the midnight blue matches Alec well, complimenting some of the bright orange in his hazel shards.

“They’re _beautiful,_ just like the person they’re growing from.”

Not made, no magic, no cheats. The wings are _growing,_ and they’re changing - _evolving._ As Alec learns, his wings do as well, shifting and adapting to reflect the Alec that controls them.

Magnus can place it in his head, even at this young stage of growth, even the smallest details reflect the man he’s grown to love.

The freckles of white are the gentle touches of his hands, the mysterious parts of Alec that you don’t see or understand until you get to know him. Midnight blue, the colour of the wings, reflects that even in his demonic state, the darkness still breathes colour, shimmering like the night of which he roams. Magnus can even place the size, the fragile state of them. It’s Alec’s heart and soul. He’s still afraid of losing everything, that one day he’ll wake up and forget everything again. They try to shrink and hide, as if the young boy Alec once was is trying to cower away from the spotlight.

Somehow, Magnus could tell a story from these wings, almost like his very past was etched into their DNA, forging and blooming the look for these elegant wings.

Alec feels at ease when Magnus is near, the wings drooping as his shoulders relax. The compliment makes him smile, relieved that Magnus doesn’t find them weird or a mistake of nature. He never intends to think these things about Magnus, but Alec can barely trust himself sometimes, especially when it comes to interacting with people. Maybe that’s what got him thrown down to Edom in the first place, the wrong person at the wrong time.

“This is the first time, isn’t it? This is the first time you’ll see them since Edom.” Magnus softly speaks, one of his fingers tracing along his right wing, feeling the slight tremor from how sensitive they are in their young state.

“I don’t want to see them, not yet,” Alec takes a deep breath. “I’m not ready.”

“And that’s alright, Alec.” Magnus can see his ears perk up at the side of his head, which means Alec is smiling. Granted, it's not one for happiness, but acceptance.

Turning around, Alec is met with a gorgeous smile - and a well suited, handsome man. Magnus stands before him, hair styled upwards with a fierce red streak in his fringe. A tailored suit fits the angles of his body, but also allowing room so the feline grace can shine through and command his movements. He truly looks ready for anything, and the little adjustment of his red tie over a black suit shirt finishes the look. Magnus goes to reach for his shoes, but Alec moves them away.

“I’ll put them on for you.” Alec almost croaks when he says that, noticing Magnus’ wary look.

Usually Alec wouldn’t be this clingy, but with the threat of not seeing him for an unknown amount of time has him on edge. Magnus would deny this sort of treatment, especially something as simple as putting his shoes on, but he knows Alec is struggling to fathom being on his own again if this goes downhill.

He can’t remember the days he sat in bars, thinking about the Shadowhunters on his tail, Magnus back at his apartment struggling with the consequences of actions that aren’t his. Magnus was only following orders for the sake of his people, and now everything was a mess. An organised mess, but one they would have trouble cleaning up when it already looks rather contained. Alec was in no immediate danger and Magnus just has the Clave left to deal with, then it’s… _well,_ even they don’t know.

How would it be? Would they just ignore the danger and live freely, or would Alec have to skate around the Shadowhunters again?

As Magnus sits on the edge of the bed, Alec kneels, taking one of his feet and sliding on the shiny, black leather shoe. He fumbles with the lace, taking a few tries but remembering the pattern to get a perfect knot. Magnus spots his tongue sticking out a little as he concentrates, smoothing his thumb over the ankle bone of his other foot.

“Do I want to know how expensive these are?”

“The shoes?” Magnus questions, Alec placing the final shoe on and fumbling with the laces.

“Mmm,” He looks up as he ties the knot, Magnus shaking his head and smirking. “they look good on you.”

“Why thank you, dear.”

Alec pushes himself to stand back up, Magnus taking the hand he offers and standing up straight. Turning 180, he looks at himself in the mirror, adjusting his suit from where it shifted when he sat down. Alec is behind him, watching the little movements he does to check himself out. He looks ready to ruin and make someone's day at the same time - and then there’s Alec, scars littering his body and young, fragile wings cowering behind him. All he wears to cover his skin is sweatpants, yet Magnus smiles at him through the mirror as they lock eyes.

Alec truly was the luckiest man alive.

“What are you thinking?” Magnus keeps facing the mirror, Alec frowning at something he sees.

It isn’t anger, but thought.

He imagines Magnus doing this on other days. Like that promised date they’re meant to be going on. Or perhaps a wedding day, not particularly their own, but a friend’s. Would Alec ever have that chance? To live alongside other people besides Magnus? It’s not that he wouldn’t mind that, but having to shy away from events or simply meeting Magnus’ friends really did hurt. Magnus wouldn’t be able to introduce him, or talk about him when he’s out.

_This here, is my lovely boyfriend, Alec._

_Have you seen Alec? He could compete with your boys eyes any day of the week!_

_He’s truly the best. I truly lo-_

“Alec?”

“Hmm?” Alec blinks, suddenly aware of Magnus holding one of his hands, both of them still facing the mirror.

“What are you thinking? Is something wrong?”

“No, I was just… thinking about the future,” He sniffs, wiggling his nose and shaking his head in disbelief. “silly stuff. That’s all.”

Magnus ponders for a moment, looking down to their joined hands by his side.

“Are you scared?” His voice is so low because he speaks it to the floor, but Alec hears it loud and clear.

And there’s that sinking feeling, dread _bleeding_ through his veins and seeping out like venom.

Alec hates to admit it, but he’s scared.

He’s _terrified._

Alec has all this power, this strength to fight an army by himself, to change the landscape and haunt people's nightmares - but he can’t use any of it to save Magnus. Being so helpless, so lost, is a frightening concept to Alec that’s becoming a reality. If he has nothing to fight for, nothing to carry on for, he fears his mental state will melt to that of a machine.

Back to square one.

Back to Edom, and back to the flames that forged the very powers he can’t use to save his lover.

Alec doesn’t even want to admit it out loud, because it feels like if he does, his legs will give way. The floor will swallow him whole, and he’ll cry tears that will never see the light of day.

He isn’t meant to be scared. The very word angers him, but it’s such a strong feeling that it overwhelms everything else. Alec can’t stand by his side while he’s being questioned, and he doubts he’ll even know if he gets arrested. Alec can’t waltz through Idris and scoop him up into his arms like a princess to save him, because Alec has a target on his back even in the dark. That’s not to say he wouldn’t try it though, Alec knowing Magnus wouldn’t allow it anyway.

No answer was given, but Magnus knows without him even saying it. The expression on Alec’s face is somewhat blank, like he doesn’t even have the energy to think about the bad outcomes to this. There are too many.

“Alec,” Magnus squeezes his hand, Alec having the faintest sharp breath when he did so. “I know this is tough for you, _but please,_ don’t take it out on yourself. You never had a choice in what happened to you.”

“I could have. What if this was my own fault?”

“The more you keep believing that, the more you’ll think it’s true - just like everything else. You had no choice about Edom, yes, you could have been responsible for your actions, but all of this was never your plan.” He smiles through the mirror, Alec catching it and wishing he could do the same. “Things always happen for a reason, and that includes us.”

Alec places his forehead on Magnus’ shoulder, almost grumbling contently as Magnus places a hand back, holding the back of his head.

They stay like that for a few seconds, Magnus closing his eyes and feeling Alec’s little movements. His thumb moves gently over the back of Magnus’ hand that he’s holding. Feathers rise and fall on his back, drooping wide so the edges could be seen to the sides of his biceps, but only a little. Alec seems exhausted, but it was his mind going crazy, speeding through thoughts of what the Clave could possibly do.

A knock to the bedroom door breaks both men out of their trances, Alec’s wings immediately shrinking inside his back from the fear.

 _“Magnus? Are you ready?”_ Isabelle’s voice mumbles through the wood, making Magnus turn around and sigh.

That was his cue to leave, to head back to the Institute with Isabelle and leave Alec here. Out of the two of them, Alec seemed the most distraught.

“One moment, Isabelle.”

 _“I gave you an hour,”_ Magnus could hear her tap her heel on the other side. _“time is money.”_

And time _was_ indeed money in this situation. Magnus keeps forgetting how much time is against him now. How _ironic._

Having spent most of his life basically _chilling,_ Magnus is actually baffled by the thought of not having any time to breathe.

_Oh, I’ll do that tomorrow._

_I’m immortal! I have an entire eternity to give a damn, but not today._

Hearing those words he said himself in his head, Magnus has to remember to breathe. It almost feels like he’s mortal, that the more seconds that tick by is another accusation against him. A trial wasn’t confirmed, and there was no way Magnus wouldn’t rule one out. This is the Clave we’re talking about - a corrupted, greedy and _selfish_ council that will do anything to see another _filthy Downworlder_ behind bars.

Alec tries to offer a smile, but it fails. Magnus doesn’t need one, because cherry coating this feeling inside won’t help it be any less painful.

“I want you to go visit my friend while I’m gone. Catarina is looking after Madzie and I owe her an explanation.”

“You - you want me to go see someone who I don’t know?” Alec takes a step back, not sure if this is some sort of joke to take his mind off things, or he was being serious.

Turns out he was deadly serious.

Magnus places a finger to his lips, frowning slightly. That’s when he knows there’s no winning this, that he’ll have to go and visit Madzie, and this Catarina who seems a loyal friend to Magnus. Literally five minutes ago, he was wondering if he would ever be friends with someone else other than Magnus, and now given a shot at that - fear pierces through his skin like claws.

What if they don’t accept him like Magnus has?

“I’ll text her you’re going, and I’ll text you the address. I can’t have you staying here and waiting, it’ll drive you insane.” Especially after Magnus’ talk with Isabelle, the dark aura he creates simply from his own sadness would consume the entire apartment by the time he gets back. “Freshen yourself up and take a gift. She likes flowers or a fresh cup of coffee from the local cafe just down the road from her house.”

Out of everything Magnus could have asked, it’s this. He dreads turning up, trying to put a smile on his face as he watches their expression shift to either horror or shock. Can he literally just say hi and she’ll totally be fine with it? And _gifts?_ Should he be expecting some sort of resistance or hate if he doesn’t?

Groaning in despair, Alec slumps to the door, opening it for Magnus but hiding behind the frame. Isabelle looks for him, but only sees Magnus in the dark room.

“Does he sparkle in the sunlight?” She whispers to him, having Alec huff in annoyance.

“It would have been funny if he gets movie references, but no, he doesn’t sparkle. Plus it’s not that dark in there, just that side of the room.”

Isabelle hums, watching as the door shuts, but she sticks her heel out to stop it.

“...Alec?” Her voice is rather fearful, but curiosity gets the better of her.

Alec doesn’t know if to run or try and teleport out of there, but he feels no resistance on the door other than her foot. Isabelle is giving him the choice to talk.

Magnus watches from the sidelines, nervous that Alec won’t come out of the room like some sort of scared child. But he knows the reasons why, the fear that plagues his bones and history that scars his skin. Seeing a Shadowhunter might bring that pain back - that he isn’t one of them anymore.

The door slowly moves back, Alec’s leg appearing before his face.

Isabelle gasps, bringing a hand to her mouth, her eyes cascading down his torso.

“You - _you’re-”_

“Was,” Alec cuts her off, already feeling the same pain Isabelle feels. “don’t cry over it.”

“I just -” Isabelle releases a shaky breath, looking at the damage Alec shows. His mind was too weak to put up the glamour, and it might help him explain his story a bit more if he lets Magnus’ trusted allies see through. “The stories, I thought they were just made up. They’re true…” She takes a step closer, like she wants to see if it’s the trick of magic, but Alec steps back once, stopping Isabelle in her tracks.

Alec looks away, almost as if he’s ashamed to come close to what was once his kind.

“They don’t hurt.”

“What if I knew you? What if you were my family?” Isabelle stutters again, trying to look at Alec, trying to get something to click in her mind. If she did know him, then all of her memories have been wiped and replaced.

Sadness drowns the room, Alec drooping his head, clenching his fist by his side, the other threatening to crush the wood beneath his fingertips.

“I’m not anymore. I just bring danger to you. I’ve already made Magnus’ life more complicated than it needs to be.”

“Al-”

 _“Enough!”_ Magnus raises his voice, Alec immediately looking towards his lover.

The sorrow in Magnus’ eyes says it all. He can’t bare to hear Alec talk about himself like this anymore. Isabelle is apologetic, a small smile towards Alec as she heads to the door. After seeing Alec so tired, but at the same time trying to hold himself up, Isabelle knows this is no bloodthirsty demon. He too can feel the same emotions she can, and it’s not like Alec was making any move to hurt Isabelle.

Alec thought about what she said as she waved a small goodbye. What if Alec did know her?

What if she was _family?_

Magnus nods at Alec once, firm. That’s the only goodbye they can give, because one that’s spoken will hurt too much. It would confirm their fears, that a last goodbye could be imminent.

Slamming the door to the bedroom, Alec pushes his hands through his hair, holding his breath to feel the pain claw at his lungs.

It’s coming down to a thin wire, the separation between his sanity and insanity.

And maybe Magnus was right, that seeing Catarina would stop his spiral of panic, to let him see that not everyone is against him. So he takes a deep breath, hands on his chest and feeling utter guilt when he remembers something.

He forgot to say it back.

_I need you here._

Alec places one hand on his heart, thumb moving how Magnus’ has done time and time before.

_“I need you here too.”_

Saying it to the silence of the room doesn’t help him, because it feels like a thought. Magnus isn’t here to hear it, and he never said good luck for the questioning. Does he even say that?

Good luck. For _what?_ That his reputation might be _ruined_ because of Alec?

Pushing aside the usual negativity, Alec marches to the bathroom, running the tap and splashing cold water over his face.

If Magnus is going to fight, Alec has to keep fighting too.

And he’ll start with building allies, such as Catarina, to prove he isn’t the monster on the cover of his book.

The thump of his heart however is still heavy, aching for the loss of Magnus and the uncertainty of the outcome. Alec’s head hangs low, whispering to himself in his mind over the sink, stomach urging to be sick with the guilt and weight of it all.

_Please be ok._

_Please come back._

_Please don’t risk everything for me._

_Please, Magnus – come home._

_I'm feeling in and out,_  
_I turn full circle round and round._  
_So will you help me down?_ _  
_ Come grab my hand for solid ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact - Alec's wings were never meant to exist in this fic, they were simply in his 'story' to try and paint his image. but then I wrote that chapter about how Magnus describes his wings a few months ago (when I was planning this story, which half of that planning has changed except this) and I just HAD to put in his wings.
> 
> so if it isn't clear, all Shadowhunters have wings in this au but they don't know they exist, because they don't need them. but that's all I'm saying on that!
> 
> The song lyrics I used for this chapter are from this song: ODESZA - Line Of Sight (feat. WYNNE & Mansionair) - I used it because Alec's 'line of sight' hasn't been this clear until Magnus came into his life, but at the same time, it feels like he's facing back to front.
> 
> also, why do you think Alec is afraid to show his wings to Magnus? and why did Magnus not exactly react to Alec almost saying he loves him?
> 
> see you next time for some suit and tie action! Chapter 11 probably has one of the most interesting interactions i've written to this day, so hopefully you guys will love it when it's here.
> 
> and also, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope 2018 brings nothing but happiness and you achieve everything you want to achieve!


	11. Weight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 17.5k update that's hopefully worth the 22 days you had to wait, APOLOGIES! 
> 
> I have a job now, so getting time to write this is very thin and mostly done on the train and on breaks. It's taking long to write these, but hopefully they are still enjoyable to read. 
> 
> also remember how Magnus always says good and evil is up to someone's perception in this fic? I made a twitter poll on my writing account where I put 'truth' and 'lies' for this chapter - truth won, but is it the truth you guys want to hear? 
> 
> no warnings for this one, see you on the other side! 
> 
> #ODSfic

_they make pages turn and turn_

_but what does anyone believe_

_when the truth can be washed away_  

A suit and tie. Formal, or business. From the dark black to the brightest white, or patterns that lace the blazer. Sometimes a blazer can be substituted for a waistcoat or suspenders. A tie is a must, but some people like to switch it out for a bow tie, or not wear one at all and undo some of the top buttons.

But mostly, if you want a suit that _deals the business,_ the person has to _own_ it. Not as in personal possession, but as if the suit was made specifically and only for that person. Others would look in awe at the fabric that frames the face that sits on top. It can be complementary, or down right _crazy_ \- but if they’re comfortable, then why not? Clothes express people, from how outgoing they are, to more casual. Clothing is an art, strictly speaking, because it comes from design and artists.

It shouldn’t feel like a prison, or a strange memory you can’t seem to kick.

Alec didn’t usually see fashion as a tool to convey power, much like Magnus does. Magnus sells it elegantly, making the clothing fit _him_ instead of the other way around. Magnus doesn’t care if the person down the street thinks his jacket is too loud, or the colour of his hair is a bit wild. He’ll smile and shrug his shoulders, because it’s not up to those people what he chooses to wear - Magnus will dress how he wants, what he’s comfortable with and how he wants to express himself. It’s an art, and Magnus will paint with the finest materials.

But for Alec, he’s never really seen clothing as something other than… well, otherwise you’ll be naked. Sure, he can make an effort, and his whole suit jacket getup from the first days of knowing Magnus was simply a way to make him look serious. It was another form of defence, that beneath you wouldn’t find a hurting lone man, struggling to remember his own name for the first days of his rebirth. A suit makes him look ready, strong, in _control._

And he was none of that. A simple yet hurtful facade. Alec has a mountain of powers available to use, but it’s not going to be any good if he doesn’t have the vision to use them. It’s destruction, venom, sins. Alec can’t save people with that, and the more he sees Magnus, the more he realises what a true leader can do.

Magnus is loyal, he’s truthful and kind. He knows sacrifices are needed, and that not everything will go right the first time. Life is life, and for an immortal like Magnus, he makes sure to use that infinite time to keep learning and erase mistakes. Of course, mistakes are human nature, so they are bound to happen, but Magnus knows he can’t sit around and sulk about a bad day or a horribly made sandwich. He sighs and moves on, he has to - Magnus is an idol to warlocks and no doubt others too, from adults to young alike. Alec can’t be that. No demon would see him as an idol, someone to look at and admire. He’d be labelled as a runaway, a weird concoction of demon and angel. But is he really? How will he ever know for sure?

Knowing Magnus was at the institute, adjusting his lapels like he usually does when he’s slightly nervous, it worries Alec. At least he knows what sort of questions to expect, but who truly knows what the Clave is going to say to him. It was all eyes on Magnus, adrenaline dancing through the muscle fibres and sending little shivers down his spine. Whatever he says could practically change the course of his life, because Alec has become that _significant_ to him, that he’s willing to lie to the organisation he promised he would never get involved with. Eventually he would have to be involved, but he doubts Magnus _wants_ too. These are Shadowhunters, pesky and annoying. He’s surprised he even talks to Alec or gave him a chance, because he was one before and he still wears the proof of that. Alec could have been the most annoying, upstuck Shadowhunter for all he knows, but doubts it too.

Even if he was forged and coded to be the demon he is, it’s surely failed. Surely there would be some remnants of his personality before, unless that too was wiped. If you’re going to make a demon to protect an angelic instrument, why not do the best you can to create that?

No emotions, no future, no past. Everything erased, never to be recovered.

Without emotions, Alec can’t judge his decisions or change them for his heart’s sake. Without a future, he can’t curve the balance or change his fate, simply because he doesn’t even know what it is. No past means nothing to drag him down, no weights on his shoulders from family members that will demand him to bring the world home. It will just be Alec and the Soul Sword, once the hunter, and now the hunted.

No matter what Alec does, he’ll always be reminded of that day he lost everything. Looking at himself in the mirror, Alec gently touches the edge of the scar in the centre of his chest. It’s cold compared to the surrounding skin, sensitive to his own touch. Every other scar doesn’t compare, as every time he touches it, the reminders of what happened flood back to him like little pinches. They gradually grow, becoming more and more painful the more he keeps the memories afloat.

Magnus hasn’t said anything about this scar, but he’s seen it for sure. For Alec, that means Magnus is either ignoring the scar, or accepting of it. He sincerely hopes its the latter, because he doesn’t want to be seen as some weak, scarred soldier who fell before he saw the finish line. Even then, he’s a hero, but he can’t remember what or who he saved to call himself that. And _even then,_ he doesn’t know if he even did anything good or bad. Magnus’ words echo, that good and evil are merely human creation, but Alec can’t help but think of what evil he is now, despite what Magnus says about him.

Placing his fingers over the scar, he presses a bit harder, squinting at the weird feeling that swells in his chest. The Soul Sword flickers to life in the room behind him, which Alec catches in the corner of the mirror, the red rays sneaking through the gap in the door. With the bathroom light so dim, even the slightest light illuminates Alec.

And that’s when he sees it.

A pulsing, warm light begins to emit from Alec’s scar. It’s coming from inside, Alec seeing the veins and various bones that block the path towards the surface of his skin. Orange and red highlights frame the areas the light catches, edges of his fingers being the most affected. He has no idea what this means, but it’s rather choking to see the inside of his own body. Nothing bad, but relief and happiness, because Alec can _see_ that he’s not just a vessel for some demonic beast or the sword. He has lungs, bones, veins.

Alec is _alive._

As silly as it sounds, he always worried that the thump of his heart he hears sometimes is simply a creation of his imagination, that he doesn’t have a real one. Magnus helped him realise he does, but now Alec has no excuse not to believe it himself, because he can hear it vibrate his fingertips from the aggression of its thumps. It’s working hard, the shadow of it in his chest shifting and contracting from the various muscles.

But as quick as the light appears, it begins to die out.

Alec grasps at the scar to try and bring it back, a moment of panic as to what this means. It didn’t change anything, it was just a light, but nothing happens without reason in this world. Was something happening to him? A light glowing from the scar that cursed you isn’t exactly normal, even though nothing of Alec is mundane.

A hand on the sink grips harder, the hand on his chest closing to a fist over the top of the scar. It’s much warmer now, but it solidifies one of his fears. He’s connected to the Soul Sword, physically and mentally, not _just_ physically. When that light began to glow, he felt the Soul Sword call out, it’s devilish talons clawing along the carpet to pull him from the bathroom. He’s strong enough now, thanks to Magnus, to ignore those calls, those urges that constantly drip venom on his lips Magnus has to kiss away. Maybe it’s his wings healing and growing, but he didn’t even feel them moving inside him when it happened. He’ll have to discuss it with Magnus when he comes home, because that’s the first time something like that has happened - and in strange times like these when parts of him are changing, Alec doesn’t want one bad thing to make him crash down to Edom again.

One thing Alec can hope for, is that the light wasn’t completely red, it was _warm,_ like a hug almost. Even though it didn’t last long, Alec was able to feel it’s connection to the Soul Sword, as well as something else. A greater pull, something or someone that made it hard to breathe for a small second. Could it be angelic?

There was no time to speculate on what made his chest light up, even if it did worry him to what it meant, but he has to go to Catarina’s. Alec promised, and Magnus wants him to realise not everyone out there is out to slay him. Granted, he hasn’t met Catarina yet and has no idea of her reaction, or if Magnus even told her he was going to be there.

Sighing, Alec looks at the scar once more, tapping it to see if the light comes back, but it doesn’t. He can’t feel his heart anymore, or see the organs that work hard to keep him alive. He splashes his face once more, letting a few drops of cold water travel down his nose before lifting his head back up. He can feel his muscles contract, locking when he stands, making him roll his shoulders to free them. It’s like a mountain of energy is ready to release itself, like a dormant volcano suddenly spring to life even when it seems like it will never happen again. Alec knows what it is, or more so who it is.

The flames inside, the demon that calls him home and makes Alec what he is, it’s hungry.

Alec has been in the mundane realm for too long without taking payment. He can’t taste blood because that would require breaking Magnus’ promise. Valentine’s guards at the warehouse were all arrested, Alec knocking them down one by one to be later arrested by Shadowhunters. There was always that little tick at the back of his mind, fingers twitching when blood began to spill - but he could control it. _Magnus_ helped him control it. He was there fighting with him, even if he couldn’t see him until the last few moments, but the thought of him there was enough. Alec never wants to see that darkness again, to feel that void surround him thanks to Valentine.

Alec can still feel it, the cold and emptiness of losing control. One part of him _thirsts_ for havoc, whereas the other wants to control it. It’s easy to guess which side is Alec, but for someone who doesn’t know him - how do they tell which one is which? If he snaps, if he _breaks_ while Magnus isn’t around, or Magnus doesn’t have that power anymore, who will have the patience and strength to stop him?

Magnus pulled him out of oblivion once, but that doesn’t mean he can do it again.

He can fall further, to a darker oblivion that has no name, where his soul will be strung up by shadows. Alec can picture it in his mind, especially when the thought of losing control in front of Catarina trembles his lips. Just the _possibility_ of that happening, anxiety pinching the edges of his brain and crawling its way in. God, he _hates this._

It’s awful, this feeling of _silence._

Alec is alone, and even though he holds Magnus in his heart and soul, he doesn’t want to drag the man he loves with him. He doesn’t want to curse Magnus to a life of rebellion, even if he’s known for being a man of mischief and smirks. But he wants to go against that, to ignore everything else stopping him from reaching what his heart wants. Alec’s a demon, he doesn’t have to follow rules.

Just right now, he doesn’t even have the strength to lift his head.

A suit should help you be confident, but the thought of putting back on his signature Swordsman clothes daunts him. It feels like a step back instead of forward, reminding him of that one fateful day on earth when he saw flames, everything on _fire._ Alec’s fear of touching people sunk to rock bottom when Magnus came around, but will it be the same for Catarina if she touches him accidently?

Pushing his hands through his hair, Alec groans. This is turning out to be more stressful than he originally anticipated. He had full confidence that this was never going to be easy, but he was never ready to face meeting someone new. Heck, even Magnus was difficult for him to speak to. Magnus has the power to send him back to Edom, his so called home from home with a simple elegant movement of his wrist. Easy, that word comes to mind. It’s easy for Magnus to ooze so much power, because he _knows_ how magic operates, how it feels under his skin, how it moves to his will and command. Alec has a wall that contains cracks, his full potential bleeding through the openings.

When that wall will finally break, only the angels know.

Taking a deep breath, Alec finally pushes himself away from the sink, forcing himself to stand without support. His shoulders feel immediately heavy, but knowing Magnus is out there potentially fighting for him right now, it gives him a reason to lift his head. And the fact that Alec _wants_ to keep fighting for himself too, for their _relationship._ That right there, is the final ounce of strength he needs to lift his shoulders.

Alec looks at the scars one more time, for once his mind being blank instead of the usual voices.

It’s time to go make some friends.

 

\--

“What do you mean he’s _coming over?”_

Catarina stands in her living room, phone hugged between her right ear and shoulder, pouring herself a drink. It’s late now, and her shift at the hospital just ended a few minutes ago. She was surprised she could even portal herself home from how exhausted she was - but Madzie’s smile always puts a spring in her step without fail.

_“He is, I told him too, and there’s a reason.”_

“You better not be playing some prank here, Mags. I’ve spent enough time with you to know you don’t send your lovers over to my place randomly _without_ you.” She can hear Magnus sigh on the other end of the phone.

_“Just - don’t panic when you see him ok? I promise he’ll explain.”_

Now _that_ doesn’t sound good.

“What are those Shadowhunters making you do?” That’s the first thing that comes to mind, but Magnus responds professionally.

_“Catarina, my dear, I promise you this is no prank. This is important to me, and you always say I can share things with you and keep it between us. Shadowhunters are involved, but they haven’t made me do this. This was my choice, so please try and understand it, even if it seems impossible.”_

From how Magnus has kept this deemed ‘noodle guest’ a secret from herself and Ragnor, it’s very difficult to decline finding out who this actually is. But even despite that, the reason as to _why_ Magnus has been keeping the person a secret baffles her. He must truly be in the deep end to even consider hiding something from his lifetime best friend and trusted warlock.

She could decline, but there would be no point in him calling unless he was absolutely in need of her help. Maybe it wasn’t even for Magnus and it was for the person coming. Madzie was here still, asleep and has been for about an hour. Catarina didn’t know if she could risk a complete stranger in her house when Madzie has already been through so much. How can she trust anything when Magnus is being so vague?

“I’m guessing you can’t tell me more because you’re at the institute?” Maneuvering the phone now her drink is made, she puts the kettle aside and rests it against her ear using her hand.

There’s some silence on the other end, muffled talking and shuffling before Magnus speaks again.

_“Yes, unfortunately. I would have called you before but things got a bit caught up. And I never planned to go today anyway. Looks like my plans are never solidified when it comes to these people.”_

Catarina clicks her tongue, staring at the door where the stranger will presumably show up in a matter of minutes, or maybe an hour. “Ok, but can you guarantee he’s genuine?”

_“Hmm?”_

“That he won’t try and do anything funny,” She hears Magnus groan, and Catarina can see the frown he has on his face. “Don’t blame me, blame your past affairs that have me so worried and on edge.”

_“I can assure you he is quite the opposite compared to last affairs. Frankly, he obliterates the thought of them. Trust me on this one Catarina, and make your own judgement, but he needs your help.”_

So this _was_ for the guy and not Magnus. That makes it even more confusing and incredibly interesting at the same time.

“Is he injured?”

There’s another silence. She can’t even hear his breathing, and that’s what worries her the most. The fact that he hasn’t answered immediately speaks volumes, because a man of Magnus’ intelligence should _know_ how much a person is injured. Especially from the years he’s been healing people alongside Catarina, even though she works in the medical field among mundanes, Magnus has learnt many things from her.

Silence has never been an answer for Magnus, choosing his words carefully and making sure he doesn’t give too much away while he’s in the danger zone.

 _“Yes,”_ another breath is taken. _“It’s not… life threatening, but he’s hurting. Both ways.”_

Catarina feels a lump of sadness grow in her lungs, making it difficult to take her next breath at the tone of her friend.

It wasn’t the usual confident and fluent words, they were spoken from trembling lips and fidgeting fingers. Magnus was unsure even after he took the time to choose his words carefully.

This guy must mean a lot to Magnus if he’s affecting him that much.

_“Catarina, I know this is sh-”_

“It’s fine, Magnus,” taking a deep breath, she continues, “I know this is important to you, so I’ll speak to him. Just promise me you won’t screw yourself over because of one man that you think might be the one. You _avoid_ Shadowhunters as much as possible, and I haven’t seen you decline an invite to drinking so much since the Swordsman was su-”

And it clicked. She forced herself to blink and pushed herself from the kitchen side.

“Magnus _Bane,_ please do _not_ tell me you’re dating a _greater demon?”_ Catarina ignores the shuffling on the other end, knowing Magnus is trying to subtly dull the noise of his speaker so no one hears Catarina.

_“It’s complicat-”_

“Complicated?! Magnus! You’re dating the demon who stole the angels prized sword! How are you even still alive?!”

_“Shhh! Look, I’ll discuss this later, but I really can’t have an argument with you over the phone right now. But please, please Catarina, trust me-”_

“How can I?! You’re sending a demon to my ho-”

 _“Trust me, Catarina. He’s - he’s not what they make him out to be,”_ and that’s that moment Catarina stops her words, lips still parted but thinking it over. _“do you really think I would put my heart through this again if I didn’t believe he was worth the chance? I know this is crazy, and I know I’m in danger of losing everything, but - fuck.”_

“Continue…” Catarina can hear Magnus trying to find his words again.

This mystery man truly was changing him, and she didn’t know if it was for the better to let him open his heart again. Weeks of sadness, fake smiles and skipping invitations - a heartbroken Magnus could break anyone's heart in return.

_“I love him.”_

She closes her eyes, not believing the words she hears, but believing the sincere truth behind them. Magnus would never lie to her, even though this whole mystery man has been a lie, but to say something like _that_ to her, then that’s the final answer she needs.

“I’ll do it,” Catarina begins after what seems a minute of silence. “and don’t think I’m letting this guy slide without a test to see if he’s even worth your time.”

Relief rolls over Catarina when she hears Magnus chuckle a little.

_“I know you will petal, and I thank you for it. But trust me when I say we’ve already been through a lot.”_

“Oh, I can only _imagine_ what a High Warlock and a Greater Demon would get up to.”

 _“Nothing too explicit,”_ Catarina scoffs at that, and Magnus chuckles again. _“but I have to go now. Time to answer questions for this comedy game show that we call these angels.”_

Now it’s Catarina’s turn to laugh, but it doesn’t last long. Fear for her friend’s status and wellbeing settles in again. “Magnus?”

_“Yes petal?”_

It’s so painful to hear that cheery name, especially when he’s probably staring at the Inquisitor right now as she says her words. And what she doesn’t know, is that he is.

“Don’t risk your life for him, and be careful.” Catarina looks to the floor, not wanting to bring the mood down again when he’s so close to being bombarded with annoying questions.

_“I’m the High Warlock of Brooklyn, you can’t get rid of me that easily.”_

She smiles, but it’s a pained one. A beep sounds from her phone, indicating Magnus has lost connection to the call. He must have lost signal to the outside world once he stepped through that threshold in the Institute.

Lowering the phone from her ear, she clicks the home button to find her most favoured picture as her wallpaper.

Magnus, Ragnor and herself, all raising a glass to the sky with fireworks in the background, celebrating Catarina’s birthday and mundane job success. They went around the world, stopping at every famous club and not coming home until seven in the morning the next day. They all crashed at Magnus’, which led to a very unusual grumpy and lazy warlock morning where they promised never to speak of Ragnor’s bedhead and Catarina’s snoring. Just the memory brings a smile to her face, framing the edge of the screen with her thumb. That’s the smile she likes seeing on Magnus’ face - carefree and happy. He’s enjoying life, not running around and circles and dodging between targets on his back.

Is this demon really worth risking that? Is he _worth_ risking Magnus’ happiness?

Magnus has been ‘stable' for a while in terms of happiness, but he’s never been content. Maybe this whole risking his life brings a new adrenaline rush to all of this, but Catarina still worries he might not know his own limits. How far is too far? How far is he _willing_ to go for him?

Locking her phone, she puts it aside, hugging the mug of tea between her hands. Now, it’s a waiting game.

 

\--

Leaving Alec was more painful than he imagined. To see that smile fade to one of sadness and self hatred was something Magnus never wanted to see again. He just wants to hold him, to tell him that the past is the past, and nothing can change it now.

But Magnus thinks is that not knowing his past annoys him even more, because Alec can’t learn from his own mistakes if he doesn’t know what they are.

Turning up to the institute was dreadful as always. Thankfully Isabelle was there to push away any Shadowhunter who wanted information about the Swordsman as soon as he stepped through the door.

_What does he look like?_

Oh, he’s handsome, that’s for sure. But he also wears a lifetime of history he doesn’t understand. Magnus has seen those hazel eyes, how the colours shift after they kiss, or they become darker when sadness plagues his bones. Magnus is probably the only one to see him up close, and he holds that information close to his heart and locks it with an imaginary key. No one will get that information, no one will take those positive memories of Alec’s smile away for their life threatening hunt.

Then another one comes along and asks about his power, and Magnus wants to scream at him. It’s all about power to these people, because power _controls._ Without their authority, the Downworld would call every day a national holiday because they would finally have freedom. No rules, just peace. Even then, Magnus knows of the darkest of Downworlders that would feed off the havoc, that would use the ruleless shadow world for unspeakable horror. That’s one and the only reason these people need to be here - to filter out the evil. Alec was _no_ evil. And he never _was._

At least, Magnus hopes that second thought was true.

There must have been about ten questions until they reached the meeting room, where the Inquisitor was already sat and waiting for his arrival. Seeing her in the flesh and not through a computer screen shows how much this situation is bubbling like a volcano. It’s almost ready to erupt, but no one is sure when.

Magnus grabs Isabelle’s arm gently, just as she steps through the doorway.

“I need to make a phone call.”

Isabelle nods, escorting Magnus to a private section in the hallway where only the occasional Shadowhunter walks past. They can’t evade to an office because of suspicion being raised, for _both_ of them.

His talk with Catarina went… as smooth as it possibly could, to be honest. With everything going on and Catarina figuring out who the ‘noodle guest’ is wasn’t exactly planned until Alec turned up, but alas, the muffled shouts breaking through the speaker on his phone was enough to solidify that wasn’t the case. Overall, it probably would have been easier for Alec to just turn up with Magnus’ warning that it’s not what she expects, but maybe it’s better having her know, even if she _knows_ how to slay Alec and send him back.

And then fear grips him.

What if Alec tries to defend himself? What if something _snaps?_

Isabelle’s hand on his shoulder breaks him out of it as he loses connection with the phone call. She smiles, and Magnus finds himself smiling as well. “It’ll be ok, I promise.”

Her words don’t do much to reassure him, as he doesn’t really have a plan to fight this. That doesn’t mean he’s not ready though, because Magnus already knows half of what they want to ask him. Twists and turns are for definite, but no one is ever prepared to face the scrutiny and propaganda of the Clave.

Magnus gives a single nod, placing his phone back into his waistcoat, adjusts his suit jacket and begins to head back to the meeting room along with his trusty Shadowhunter companion.

Upon walking into the room, the immediate thing that hits him heavy in the face is the atmosphere. It’s nothing he’s felt before, and the sheer _dread_ in this room makes Magnus question _everything._ Why did this feel like more than just a few questions?

The Inquisitor looks up from her papers, fingers holding the edge of the paper and lifting the cover up and over, tucking it behind the other papers. A stare that could rival vultures was staring straight at him, disgust twitching her lips as she inspects him. Magnus already doesn’t feel comfortable, and the Inquisitor tries so _hard_ to make him feel small, but not today, not when he needs to prove a point and maybe learn these hypocritical Shadowhunters a lesson.

“Warlock,” she begins, gesturing with her eyes to the seat for him to sit down opposite her, “sit.”

Not even bothering to move her hand, like that was too much effort for some lowlife Downworlder, Magnus could only smirk. They make it way too easy to hate them.

“Do I get a treat for being a good Downworlder?” Magnus remarks, linking back to her simple command to ‘sit'. He can handle racist remarks, names thrown - but to treat him like a _dog?_ No.

Alec would have lost his shit if he heard what she said, and that thought makes a small tingle appear in Magnus’ chest. Oh how he wishes he was here to help him through this. Oh how he wishes he could see the expression on Alec’s face if he did hear that. Magnus could always tell him later.

All she did was scoff, picking up a pen and eyeing the guards, a signal to leave. Isabelle leans against the wall beside the fireplace, the meeting room set out like a large office. A single, dim lamp illuminated her face, the embers of the fire not quite reaching from the other side of the room.

“Now, there is no doubt you’re hiding something from us due to your inadequacy to follow orders,” only a few seconds in and Magnus can already argue against her. “so we have come to the conclusion, that if we do not see your answers fitting to our questions, you will be put on trial.”

Isabelle cringes at the word usage. How stupid were these Clave officials? It was fuel to the fire, and looking at Magnus, she could see the smirk growing across his features. Not playful, or mischief - it was confidence. He crossed one leg over the other, placing both hands on his raised knee. His back was straight, head held slightly higher as he spoke his words.

“First of all, I do not and will not follow any orders given to me by the Clave. I did not accept or refuse the offer Isabelle and Jace gave me when it was first announced, _and_ I still haven’t. My actions are to protect my people, which just so happens to link with Shadowhunters.” Magnus sits back in his chair, feeling rather confident that he could get through this. She didn’t look very happy about this, but she doesn’t look happy most of the time anyway. Has the Inquisitor ever smiled?

“You are to follow orders, because at your position you are required to be role models for your ranks. Without us, there is no order, and you’re sitting in that seat right now because of an _order,_ so deny it all you want.” Flipping another paper, she glares at Magnus before quickly scanning over her notes. “And from your recent… _questionable_ actions, I have right to question that loyalty to us. I’m sure you’re aware of why you’re here? Or do I have to explain that as well?”

Wolves were growling inside his chest, the sweet smile on Magnus’ lips hiding the fangs waiting to sink their teeth in. The Inquisitor was royally rotten, and it disgusts him how little she thinks of him. It’s stupid no doubt, because the lack of knowledge they have of Alec compared to Magnus is laughable. If she’s planning to win him over through kindness, then there is absolutely no chance it’ll work now. There wasn’t any chance she would anyway.

“I’m aware of why I’m here, and I have no problem answering your questions of your _questionable_ order,” The Inquisitor scowls at that. “because if I remember correctly, it was one of _your_ Shadowhunters that made it easier for the demon to escape in the first place.”

“You should have explained details more carefully,”

“Pardon?” Magnus places a hand to his chest, looking offended. “Me? Teach your _ranks?_ Isn’t that your job and not mine? Considering you hate our kind, why would you want me to teach your hunters? It’s rather humorous you defended that man by avoiding the question, and now you’re saying he needs explaining how to approach a greater demon? I’m sorry, but that is the most humorous and incredibly worrying answer I’ve heard from you. How do you expect us to feel safe through your _order_ if you send untrained Shadowhunters to deal with a greater demon summoning?”

Throughout his words, she tries to interrupt, stuttering and holding up her hand, but Magnus isn’t having any of it. This whole thing is a waste of his time and the more it goes on, the more he realises the greed seeping from the tips of her fingers. Her frown deepens, the soulless colour of her eyes still striking that small ounce of fear in the pit of Magnus’ lungs. He’s afraid for Alec, because she doesn’t know the limits to what they’ll do to get the sword.

“If you’re quite finished, we can move on to our questions.”

“Oh, _please._ I’m shaking from anticipation of what my demon blood will get me accused of today.” He gives a darling smile laced with poison that has the Inquisitor looking twice. No matter how much she hates Downworlders, there’s a tiny part of her that admits Magnus is good at fighting for what he wants.

“Are you working with the demon?”

“No,” but he is. “the only time I saw him was during Valentine’s capture and when he was summoned.” Magnus watches the Inquisitor’s eyes spark at the mention of a recent sighting.

“At the capture?”

“Yes, he was there,” Magnus shifts in his seat a little. “and he helped me capture him, practically did half the work for me.”

“So you _are_ working with him?” She picks up her pen, almost eager to start writing where Magnus has gone wrong.

“Listen carefully, miss. I said he did half the work for me, not that I worked _with_ him.” He sighs, closing his eyes for one moment before opening them again.

“And? Give me details.” Clicking her pen ready, she looks between her papers and Magnus, almost as if she _wants_ Magnus to slip up and give her a reason to take him to trial.

“I was aware of where the demon was when he was heading to my apartment. I teleported around, trying to find a trace of his magic so I can track him. I managed to find blood and used that to trace him back to Valentine, where he had gone rampant and injured every Shadowhunter there and pinned Valentine with the Soul Sword through his arm.”

The Inquisitor was writing it down, missing parts where Magnus mentions himself in the slightest way and focusing entirely on Alec.

“As you know probably are aware, Valentine has been cursed by the Swordsman. When I arrived after I teleported to the warehouse, he was already there-”

“The demon?”

“Yes,” Magnus takes a deep breath, clearing his throat at the interruption. “He simply looked at me, then walked away. In my opinion, he has no ill intent. Valentine may have captured him and twisted him to do his bidding, but no one can keep such a powerful being under control for that long.”

“Hmm,” she taps her pen against the desk. “so you suggest that the demon is peaceful?”

Now this wasn’t what he expected. But he wouldn’t be fooled, because this was still the _Clave._

“You want to track this demon down and you’re thinking he’s peaceful? Why the change of heart?”

“Oh, it’s not my change of heart I should be questioning. I’m still very much against that scum and what he’s stolen from us. I’m asking _you,”_ she points with her pen to Magnus’ chest. Isabelle bites her tongue. “because I’ve never seen you so involved with Shadowhunter business since this little accident happened.”

“Let me remind you this was your little accident, not mine. Valentine has been captured, and the demon has no intention to harm anyone other than the people who harm him. I think leaving him be and going about our own business will be a lot better than chasing shadows. And yes, that’s ironic for you, but why waste time tracking someone who won’t ever show themselves unless they _want_ to be found.” He’s having none of this, especially if she’s going to pin all this happening on Magnus to begin with.  “And it’s not like I’ve exactly had a choice in this matter, since you want me to follow your orders. Think about it, and _really_ think about the peace you could be enforcing right now. Valentine is no more, and frankly, I think the demon did us a favor cursing him to a life of constant misery. I say giving him a jail free card is enough thanks, since he did what we all couldn’t do for many years.”

Isabelle is still silent, agreeing with what Magnus is saying, but also knowing that every word isn’t sinking in. The Inquisitor just stares, idly tapping her pen now and again as Magnus continues. It’s only when he stops, does she sigh.

“He still has our sword. We need it to obtain real order,” she twists her papers around, showing Magnus all the information they have on Alec. It’s not much, but it’s more than what they did have a few weeks ago. “and the longer we sit here, the more that Soul Sword will never be ours, and it’ll be in the hands of that demon rat forever.”

Magnus takes the notes, scanning over them and noticing a few mistakes. They don’t know his name, or his correct height, but they have his powers and odd comments on how he might be some sort of mass illusion or test from the angels.

“And is that a problem?” looking at the papers as he speaks, she scoffs at that.

“Of course it is, he’s-

“-holding a weapon away from the hands of people who can activate it’s true potential.” Magnus has a small fist pump of victory inside his mind at the shocked face of the Inquisitor. “Yes. I know what it does. As far away as it is from you, the better. Why do you think I’m in no rush to help your kind get it back? It’s a threat to my people, a weapon that can wipe us all out with one stupid and irreversible swing.”

Placing the papers back down on the desk, he swerves them around with his fingertips, hand spread like a spider and staring at her directly.

“What if the effect reverses itself? If it becomes too demonic, us Shadowhunters might be in danger.” Now even Isabelle can hear the slight tremble in her voice. She’s breaking down slowly, running out of options and questions to accuse him.

“Then I will do my uttermost best to protect Isabelle from the power of it.” Magnus replies, giving a little cock of his head, smiling at her sweetly. It’s more like poison disguised as something sweet, though.

“Explain to me why you were missing today.”

“Recovering from my magic drain. Tracking someone who doesn’t want to be found isn’t exactly easy on the fuel tank.” That’s a good enough excuse, and she seems to buy it to Magnus’ delight.

“And what about his name? Do you know it?”

Magnus pauses, taking a moment to process what she just asked. Why would his name but so important to then? It was clear they didn’t care for details such as that, since it doesn’t really help them find him.

“What does this have to do with anything?”

The slam of her pen jolts Magnus’ composure. “Do you know it or not? Speak an answer.”

He finds his words dying on his tongue.

Of course he knows his name. He’s seen the smile behind that name, the dreams and wishes he holds. Magnus has seen him, touched him - he _loves_ Alec. And he can’t say anything about him because the world is too dangerous, people will hurt Alec with no second thoughts, and for something as powerful as a name, the Clave _can’t_ have it. Magnus won’t let them use his name, the only thing Alec remembers deeply, that the name Alec is still _his._ He remembers that and nothing else, that’s all he holds.

“I do not know his name, and I don’t see the importance of it in this situation. You’re here to question my loyalty, not squeeze information about a demon you seem to have more details on anyway.” Magnus bites his bottom lip, only for a second to squeeze some of the nerves out of his system.

“We know it,” who thought three words could turn Magnus cold. “and we’re going to use it some way or another.”

The Inquisitor pulls out an envelope, red ink over the top labelled to Magnus himself. An official Clave wax seal is on the back, keeping whatever’s inside enclosed. Isabelle gasps quietly to herself from the sidelines. If that’s Alec’s name in there, maybe even who he _was,_ then Magnus doesn’t know how to crawl out of this hole.

Everything he thinks about Alec could change because of words on a piece of paper, information they hold as a secret bargain that was once his life.

“What is this?!” Magnus goes to reach for the envelope, but she pulls her hand back, making the Warlock stutter his movement, a moment of vulnerability as his hand is suspended.

“You seem awfully interested in someone you told me to ignore,” the smirk on her face is nothing but disgusting. “but you might just be curious, like all humans are. However, you’re no human, so maybe it’s the greed for more power that drives you to know everything about him. Stealing the spotlight from you is a rather rude thing, isn’t it?”

Magnus is about to _combust._ Everything about the way she speaks makes him feel uncomfortable, dirty. He shouldn’t let it rile him but it simply does, and it only gets worse the more time goes on. To call Magnus a person who hungers attention can be correct on certain days, but to say it in such a way against Alec, it angers him to the core.

“You know nothing about me,” he sits back, fingers still itching to find out what’s in that envelope despite being placed on his knees. “and don’t you dare say you do. No one does.”

Only Alec. Only Alec knows about him, down to his core. Alec knows his little quirks and teases. He knows what smile is good or bad, or what part to kiss on his neck to make all the blood rush through his veins and create sparks.

“Track him again. Get the Soul Sword.” her words are stern, concrete.

“No.” and so is Magnus’.

“You’re the only one who can. If he doesn’t seen you as an enemy, like he did with Valentine’s capture, then he’ll be an easy ally to acquire. Quick and efficient, just like you should be.”

_Get me out of this room._

_Get me out if this room before my magic can’t be fucking controlled anymore._

Magnus is _fuming._ To have her say Alec will be _easy_ to trick, to manipulate and twist to his own gain is downright disgusting. That’s calling him weak, that he can be easily disposed off once Magnus has the sword.

“I’m not doing that.” Magnus is trying his very best to keep the anger contained, jaw clenching as his words struggle to gain any grace like he usually does. “I’m not being your errand boy when this man has done nothing but _help_ us. He hasn’t even showed his face to us, and yet you still accuse him like he’s some sort of _criminal.”_

“Because he is, and was,” Isabelle watches Magnus visibly tense at that. “this envelope holds more than just a name. It’s who he was. Those rumours and stories about him are somewhat true, and we’ll use them to get the Soul Sword one way or another. It does not belong in his hands, and never will belong with him as long as the Clave deem fit.”

He remains still, eyeing the envelope like a mortal enemy as well as something he doesn’t understand. That envelope could hold all of Alec’s past life, his memories, his _family._ A part of Magnus wants to run from it, to only look at it if Alec deems it ok to do so - but there’s also curiosity.

Alec was a criminal, or at least, a criminal in the Clave’s eyes. They could simply be accusing him of something minor, but Magnus highly doubts the information is even accurate. How would they be able to get it when everything about Alec’s existence before was presumably wiped?

“That’s impossible. No one knows of the Swordsman before his fall. Everything about him is a rumour or a bad bedtime story,” Magnus pauses when she pushes the envelope towards him, the sound of wood and paper awfully painful as it gets closer and closer to his side of the table. “If this is some sort of bribe-”

“In no way is it a bribe,” what a rather obvious _lie,_ “but I know you’re a man of good will, as much as that pains me to admit.”

“Wow, a compliment. You really must be desperate for my help if you’ve sunk to compliments that are more forced than passing wind.” He snorts, uncrossing his legs and pushing the envelope back.

But she stops it mid way back to her with her own hand.

“And I know that goodwill is a strong ally. You don’t know who he really is other than the supposedly shy and tame demon. What he was _before,_ what he could still _become_ because of his past actions and goals.” Now she was sounding even more twisted. How can he believe anything she says is true? But how can Magnus even believe Alec other than his gut instinct?

He suddenly feels a little cold, skin tight at the thought of fighting between two opinions of the man he’s in love with or an official document.

Down to his core, Alec was still Alec from his past, no matter how much the embers burned away his past frame. He may be coded as a monster, but the smiles and the way he holds him say completely different things to his heart. This is also the Alec he’s fallen for, that he sees a few days ahead with - he’s even promised a _lifetime._ Of course, promises can be broken, but to feel that promise slowly hold him, etch into his skin like a skillfully woven blanket, it gives him hope. A blanket that takes time to finish making is one that was made through love and care. If Alec and Magnus take time to seal that promise, the blanket will hug them for eternity, to keep them warm even in the dark reaches of the universe for wherever their souls may float at the end of immortality.

But as Magnus stares at the sealed envelope, the fabric of the blanket fraying from uncertainty, Magnus isn’t quite sure the best route to take. Does he see what they have and use it? But how? How does he even use that type of information? It won’t help him be free, and it won’t help a war.

A dead end.

It’s either information that will turn Magnus away or bring him closer. Maybe neither, but he knows Alec is no ordinary hunter, he must have been something special or… _criminal_ to get that hellish sentence.

“I’ll give you one look and that’s it. This is official Clave information and I shouldn’t be sharing it anyway, but it will hopefully change your mind about him.”

Change his _mind?_

Magnus gulps, curiosity getting the better of him. Magic was a powerful object in this world, but knowledge is even _more_ powerful. Because knowing how to control that magic, having the skills to twist it to your will makes you stronger than an opponent. If the Clave knows something Magnus doesn’t, then the battlefield becomes deadly and certainly not in his favour. The way she looks at him makes him nervous as to what this really is, because instead of questioning his loyalty, they’re questioning about Alec. They’re related in context, but the Clave doesn’t know that a few hours earlier, Magnus was moaning the very name they’re hunting. He chuckles a little at the thought, which has the Inquisitor slightly confused.

“Why the humour?”

“Just something I was thinking about. I don’t think it’s your cup of tea.” He takes the envelope, much to the Inquisitors delight, but doesn't open it straight away. “But what happens if I open this?”

“Then,” she sits back, gesturing out her hand to the object that has become the most important thing in the room over the last minute. “you’ll agree to help us track him. That information is useless unless you intend to help.”

Magnus eyes her, standing up as Isabelle walks over.

“How is someone’s history going to help find them? How do you know it’s real?” She didn’t expect that question, her thumbs fumbling together for a few moments. Trying to keep her composure is hard, especially when she hates the man in front of her. It’s painful to seek help from someone you despise, even more so if there is no other option. Magnus is in the same boat, but hopefully the information he can get from this helps Alec get his freedom, or part of it.

“Because memories are important to people. If we have them, we can use them as bait.”

He’s tempted to crush the envelope into a ball of trash, because the way she says that has Magnus seething with anger. The smile to keep his cover doesn’t reflect the tiger prowling inside his chest, ready to attack. “So they’re not real?”

“Oh, they are,” Magnus blinks once. How could they _know?_ “and you seem baffled. We’re angels, unlike you. Of course they would help us get the instrument back, but they can’t help us with their strength as that would be changing fate, but they can guide us with messages and clues. This,” she points to the envelope in Magnus’ hand, “is our clue. Guidance.”

_This can’t be right._

_It can’t be true._

Magnus looks down to the object in his hands, and the weight feels like absolutely nothing compared to the rings on his fingers. What they must have in terms of information must be small, but it must be enough for them to call Magnus and desperately try to get him to help.

Was Alec’s past so haunting that the angels had to interfere? What would have happened if they didn’t?

Every bone in his body felt cold, but his heart was still beating. He’s going to hold onto hope for as long as he can, for as long as his heart still lets him.

Magnus sits back down, placing the envelope back on the table.

“So, Bane, do you want to know the truth?”

 

\--

“I think that wine has finally gone to his head, if I’m being brutally honest.” Ragnor leans against the kitchen side, teacup in hand and stirring gently. “What was he thinking exactly?”

Catarina is twiddling her thumbs, sitting on one of the arm chairs as she waits for Alec’s arrival. She’s been staring at the phone on her coffee table ever since Ragnor arrived. Not that she didn’t want to listen to his complaining, but Magnus hasn’t texted back for over half an hour. Time was dragging by, and still no sign of anything happening. Catarina was in the dark, and it worries her that Alec has something to do with Magnus’ silence.

“It’s like he’s trying to win some sort of game show - who can get the most exotic and prohibited relationship. Well, if I was the judge, Magnus has won bonus points on top of his win.”

“As much as I love you Ragnor, you’re not helping,” she lifts herself from the chair, heading over to pour herself a new cup of coffee. “and I doubt you’d be helping Magnus if he was here. This is his decision, not ours.”

“A bloody insane decision.”

“ _Yes,_ but we always promise to stand by him, don’t we?” Ragnor sighs at that, slowly nodding. “Through everything, and odd attractions to greater demons is included in everything.”

Ragnor snorts, taking a sip of his tea before he speaks. “Remind me to read the terms and conditions next time,” he takes another sip, Catarina shaking her head slowly. “What? Can you blame me?”

She pushes down the little tab in order to start boiling the kettle. Ragnor used all of the water from before to make insanely large cups of his british brew. If she really thinks about it, this whole ordeal with Alec was on the average scale of unordinary things that go on in this world.

Ragnor wears an insane amount of green, Madzie’s intelligence is beyond her years, and Catarina deals with the most stupid and weird of mundane cases at the hospital each day. Compare those to Magnus and Alec, and it isn’t all that much different. Magnus is fighting for a better life, or a life where he feels loved more than a friend. If Alec really does make him smile and protected, even wanted for more than just the usual necessities, then Catarina is willing to stand by him for as long as it takes, no matter the difficulty.

Magnus would do the same for her. But it isn’t about that, it’s mostly Catarina _wanting_ Magnus to be happy. He deserves to be happy after the years of having his heart broken.

“No, but you should understand that this our Magnus we’re talking about. He told me there’s no use falling in love, because every time it happens, the outcome is never what you dream about.  For him to go through this much to try and fight for it, then this guy must be something special.”

Ragnor has to admit, Catarina certainly has a way with words. Maybe it’s from hanging out with Magnus too much. He sighs, pinching his own nose in stress. He knew he would end up having to help, but there was no harm in it either. Ragnor just knows this is going to be a real pain, especially if Magnus is already head over heels for him. However, from how Catarina explained over the phone what was happening, that may already be the case.

When she got off the phone with Magnus, her initial instinct was to deal with this alone, to see who Alec really is when there isn’t much pressure to defend himself. But Ragnor decided to ring, asking her for a quick chat about her day, which eventually rounded up to this moment. When Ragnor found out about Magnus’ little escapade, he simply felt like turning back into the portal he made to get here. She insisted he stay, so that both of them can make a judgement on this demon, to see if he was right for Magnus and if he was even worth their time. He initially declined, pinching his own arm to try and wake up from what seemed like an alcoholic dream, but it seems Magnus has finally topped the charts for Ragnor in terms of goals.

“Let’s hope he is,” and Catarina smiles. “our good friend deserves a break.”  

To hear Ragnor finally breaking through is a relief. Especially since Catarina can feel her wards warp slightly at the presence of someone new. The direct feed she gets back about the power of this person is _insane,_ it’s like a brewing storm is walking into her building. Catarina truly doubts this guy has the softest of smiles as Magnus said he does, and the way she can’t even hear his footsteps coming down the hall makes her even more nervous. Ragnor notices her glance towards the large double doors, blue in colour as her countryside house sits in silence by the coast. He must be outside, or about to knock the door.

“He’s here?” Ragnor asks, leaning forward a little in interest. She nods, giving one last look towards Ragnor before heading over to let him in.

No matter how much Magnus trusts him, Catarina can’t risk her life based on opinions. She holds one hand behind her back, fingers arched as a blue mist trickles along the surface. Ready to defend herself, she awaits his arrival.

And much to her surprise, he knocks. It’s almost silent, like he’s afraid to knock the wood and announce that he’s here. Catarina looks back to Ragnor, who shrugs and takes a sip of his tea again.

Hand on the door knob, she turns it slowly and opens the door, peeking her head out as her black, curled hair falls down her front.

Alec is there, standing with both hands in his pockets and looking more frightened than Catarina. She offers a gentle smile, because he isn’t moving or acting mischievous.

And much to her surprise, the smile Magnus described smiles back at her. Alec wants to give a little wave, but he’s scared that taking his hands out of his pockets might look like he’s going to attack. So, he steps back, giving her room to open the door fully and not feel threatened.

“...Alec?” The way she says his name is unsure, like even she questions if that’s his real name.

“Nice to meet you,” Alec isn’t quite sure what else to say. “I hope I’m not intruding.”

He must know of the other people in her house, or sense them at least. Catarina smiles brighter and shakes her head. He’s not even holding his shoulders high, and he’s dressed in a nice formal suit. Granted, his jeans are skinny jeans, but he looks fresh. Magnus definitely has good taste.

Despite that, Alec hides his scars, and Catarina can tell from her own call of magic. She extinguishes the magic on her hidden hand, finally using it to gesture him inside.

“Not at all, I’m here to help.” Alec smiles a bit more at that. “Please come in.”

He gently nods, looking down to the welcome mat that crunches under his flat shoes. Once he steps past the door, the wards cling to the core of his power, making Alec cringe and halt his steps.

“Ah, sorry,” Catarina does a quick flourish of her fingers, not as graceful as Magnus but with her own style to simmer the strength of the wards. “I wasn’t sure if you were just going to barge in or not. I have sleeping guests in here.”

He rubs the back of his neck where the magic pulled at his spine, frowning a little as the pain starts to fade. Alec can’t be angry at her, she’s only being cautious. In fact, he expected it, but it still hurt to think even if she did trust Magnus, there was no denying their wary looks towards him.

“It’s fine,” he settles the hand back into the pocket of his jeans. “I understand.”

Magnus taught him manners, how to be respectful. He already had them, but he saw no point in using them if he didn’t know anyone. His lover reminded him of what it’s like to be a decent human being, because Magnus brought out the best in him. Or at least, what remains of Alec from before.

Catarina continues to smile, looking at him from head to toe and noticing the Soul Sword dormant on his back. The hilt sticks out by his neck, looking more demonic than Alec himself. She’s surprised at how _small_ he looks, like he wants to hide away and vanish from the light. He’s nervous, and that small feeling paints a fresh hope over Catarina.

Alec can feel, he’s not an empty frame like most demons. This can _work._

“This is Ragnor,” she gestures to her friend, who gives a gentle salute and wink. “and you may already know me as Catarina. Magnus said you needed help with something?”

Alec stands in the middle of the room, nodding to Ragnor as he greets him. He stays silent, keeping words inside unless he has to use them. But when Catarina asks about help, he doesn’t know what she means. “With the Clave?”

“No, you,” and Alec frowns. “something about healing. I know you have a glamour on, so what are you not showing us?”

What Alec feared the most was showing his scars. And now, Catarina could tell easily from the focus of her magic. Of course she would be the warlock to acknowledge something health wise about Alec.

He’s vulnerable, something she never expected to see. Alec looks down to the floor, clenching his hands in his pockets as he takes a deep breath. It takes him a few stuttered breaths to start a coherent sentence.

“I - I was a Shadowhunter. But I think you know that already if you know the stories,” Alec looks up, but he looks elsewhere other than the warlocks. “and I don’t remember anything about my past life.”

“The glamour you’re using is hiding the runes?” Catarina watches the twitch of his face, the small ounce of pain that clings to his mind.

“No, well - kind of. They were, but not anymore.” He still hasn’t let his glamour drop, because he feels like if he does, they’ll change their initial opinion about him - whatever the hell that is.

Catarina is one to notice the subtle gestures, the nervous twitches and sharp inhales to keep his words steady. This was the complete opposite to what she was expecting, and now she understands why Magnus is trying so hard to set him free.

He’s no monster.

Alec was forged to be a demon and told to find peace, but he can’t when the whole world wants war against him. Peace wasn’t even in his vocabulary until Magnus came along and pulled him out of a pit he could never seem to leave. Ironic as that sounds, it’s true in a physical and mental sense, because he _was_ the one to summon him back to the mortal plain. Alec is a tiny, _tiny_ bit thankful for the Shadowhunters greedy ways so they had a chance to bring Alec into the equation, but deep down there was always this feeling someone was missing. Yes, he was alone anyway, but a twitch inside his heart was always there, like it was there even before he fell to Edom.

That was the hardest question to ask himself. Did he leave a lover behind? But why out of everything he feels, why does he feel like he’s _never_ been truly loved?

With Magnus, the feeling was gradual, slowly becoming more and more vigorous - and then it hit him suddenly. It was like a waterfall becoming born, the erosion of rocks taking years and years, but when Alec found that person, the water begins to fall free and crash below. His love for Magnus was a waterfall, a natural wonder for centuries until it erodes its own beauty away. That could be said for mortals, but with immortality, they have unlimited time to craft that waterfall and serene environment for their relationship.

Their love was so rare, so unique that they themselves could be called a world wonder. Yet they’ll keep it their own little secret, holding their love close to their hearts, only the whisper of the wind carrying their giggles and adorns of affection to the outside world.

Magnus has taught him so much, and it makes Alec smile in that moment. Magnus loves him for who he is, not what he holds. And that - _that_ was the most important thing for him. Because he didn’t have much, no memories to flaunt or goals to speak about - it was just Alec. Lost, hurting but so _strong._ In that strength, Magnus finds his own happiness, his own will to stay strong.

“They’re still with you, which must mean something.” She takes a step closer, and Alec doesn’t move back in fright, which she expected him to at least flinch. He must be warming up to them.

“I always thought they were just reminders,” He rolls his shoulders, blinking a few times before letting the glamour fall. Catarina’s eyes immediately land on the scar covering the left side of his neck.

“Everything happens for a reason, especially in our world,” she turned around, searching for her glasses and notepad while keeping a close eye on Alec. “and I’m determined to help you find out why this all happened.”

Alec frowns again, those words are too good to be true. “You… you are?”

“Of course,” Catarina smiles as she wiggles her glasses on her nose gently. “I’m a doctor, my job is to help. And, you’re also Magnus’ noodle guest.”

That perks his interest, rather confused until he gets it. A smile grows on his lips and he shakes his head.

“So you’re the same person who threw that food away,” Catarina winks as she steps closer, clicking her pen. “I wanted to eat that you know.”

“Ahh,” she scoffs. “noodles never fill me up, and you could have had a much healthier meal than that. Shame on Magnus for ordering noodle on a date.”

Inwardly, Catarina smirks, not looking at Alec directly, but she hears his little gasp.

“Date? Oh - no, we weren’t a thing then,” he gulps again, finally looking down at the notepad. “But I guess we were?”

“That’s the confidence I want!” Ragnor rolls his eyes towards them, pushing himself off and heading over as Catarina continues to talk. “If you’ll let me, I can check over the scars and anything else that might help you out.”

Alec doesn’t see the harm in this because she’s giving him a choice. He believes that she really is here to help, and not be some sort of experimental subject for their warlock books. She was already writing down notes, like his height, initial look of the scar on his neck and some gestures she noticed for his nerves.

“Why are you helping me?”

The sudden question makes Catarina pause her notes, taking time to look Alec in the eyes.

“I believe you’re what Magnus needs, in some weird way. If he’s happy with you, then I’m determined to help you. A friend of Magnus is a friend of ours.”

“Just, I’m not the average friend, right?” Alec replies, Catarina giving a little nod of her head and chuckle.

“Ah yes, quite different. The greater demon label you have doesn’t make first introductions all that easy.” Catarina moves to the side, gesturing Alec through to her medical room, talking as she does so. “But that shouldn’t stop you from proving people wrong. No offence, but your smile is nothing but adorable.”

Alec feels a small feather of red cross his cheeks, hands in his pockets as he follows Catarina, Ragnor not seeming to follow just yet as he finishes his brew.

“I think Magnus said something like that before,” he surveys the room as he enters, noticing various jars of supernatural ingredients. “and sometimes I have no idea how to do this relationship thing.”

Alec goes to poke at a certain plant, brows frowning as he concentrates to see if it’ll come alive and bite him. It’s mostly purple in colour with small, inviting white flowers. Catarina slaps his hand and clicks her tongue, Alec looking like a kid caught stealing crayons. Maybe he shouldn’t try and play with things he doesn’t understand.

“What do you mean by sometimes?” She seems to write the note down on her pad as she sits at her desk.

The room is rather warm in colour, hygienic also as expected. Posters hang on the wall from the anatomy of mundanes to the wing anatomy of dragons. Alec takes certain interest in that poster, wondering if he’s ever seen one in Edom before, but can’t quite place seeing one like that. There’s a dentist like chair in the middle with various lights and stools around it. Alec thought it might look a little menacing to anyone who doesn’t know how nice the lady is who owns the place. Catarina smiles at his curious nature, because it shows that he at least _wants_ to learn. Little things make a big difference, and that’s one of them.

“Some days it feels natural, like it’s meant to be. And others my mind is blank,” he turns to sit on the chair, gathering that he’ll be probably asked to sit down soon. Alec has no idea what she has in mind, but he needs to start trusting people other than Magnus. It helps that Catatina is already a trusted friend of his lover.

“That’s interesting,” she writes a few more notes. “that might mean you’re still learning. Some will be instincts, urges. You’re a greater demon, so that means you carry some sort of deadly sin to follow, or a few.”

“Oh,” Alec scratches the back of his hand. “urges to do bad things?”

“Not necessarily. They are deemed as bad but some are simply biology, like sex - you’ve had that urge before right?”

That one single word has Alec going red. He did not need those images of Magnus in his head right now, _especially_ when he said his name in pleasure earlier today. “I think it’s one of mine then, because it’s frequent, but not as much a blood.”

“Blood might be a fuel for the Soul Sword now you’re the guardian. And yes, Magnus filled me in on all the details.” Catarina looks up to see Alec smiling at the floor, a little sparkle in his eye. “He’s proud of you, very proud.”

Alec looks up at that, searching from one eye to the other to hear it again. “He is?”

“Mm,” she stands up from her desk and heads back over to Alec. “You don’t know that yourself?”

He slowly shakes his head, keeping his eyes on her as she approaches with a smile.

“You really are just a lost boy, aren’t you?” Catarina sighs, sadness framing the sound as Alec smiles.

“No need to be sad about it. I’ve sort of got used to it, this whole lost thing.” He shrugs, but Catarina doesn’t acknowledge it.

“That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to find out who you are. Not only for you, but for Magnus as well.”

Alec looks shocked at that. “Why Magnus?”

“Do you not think how guilty he’ll feel if he spends an eternity distracting you from finding out the truth?”

Thinking about it for a moment, Alec twitches his nose and sniffs. “What if it’s a past I don’t want to remember? What if I was such a horrible and disgusting person that Magnus doesn’t want me anymore?” Alec clenches his fists, feeling his muscles scream at the overuse for nothing.

“My dear, Magnus will learn to forgive you. What matters now, is the person you are in the present and not the past. People always change, for better or for worse is up to your opinion. And in mine, I think you’re quite the odd catch. Handsome, insanely powerful but smiles so warmly in the morning.”

Alec laughs, wiping away a stray tear that threatened to fall after thinking so hard about that. “Magnus told you that too?”

She smirks, noticing the smile drop on Alec’s face. “Invite me to the wedding?”

Alec scoffs, shaking his head. “You’ll never catch me at a wedding.”

Catarina mumbles some incoherent words, which has Alec frowning a little, but knows she’s probably referencing something about a wedding.

“Denying Magnus the chance at decorating his own wedding… you really are a monster.” she jokes, opening up a side drawer to take out some gloves. It’s for her own safety and Alec’s comfort incase he isn’t exactly friendly with skin to skin contact - besides Magnus obviously.

“Damn, I guessed you would find out eventually,” Alec is beaming, a drastic difference from his mood when he walked through the door.

Catarina finds it warming. Magnus was right when he said Alec was much more than the stories everyone talks about. He’s simply a lost boy, searching for a place to belong and finding that home in Magnus. If it wasn’t Magnus who summoned him, would this day have been different? Would he have already been sent back to Edom? Catarina finds herself looking away from his smile at that thought, because all of this, this war - it was never Alec’s fault. And deep down, at the very bottom of her heart, Catarina believes that for Alec in his past too.

“Catarina?” He notices her stuck in thought, and when she snaps out of it, she looks a little shocked. “Are you alright?”

Alec fears he’s said or done something wrong, but all she does is chuckle to herself and close her eyes.

“I hate that Magnus is right sometimes. That smug smile he does everytime really will haunt me forever.”

Not following, Alec raises one brow in questions. “What did he say?”

“Oh, I’m not telling you that one,” Alec huffs, rolling his shoulders. “trust me, you’ll want to hear that one yourself.”

Now _that_ catches his attention. He perks up a little, trying to get his brain to solve the puzzle, but nothing works.

“Anyway,” she clears her throat, gesturing to Alec’s torso. “let’s see what you’re made of.”

Alec looks from her hand to his own body. He isn’t quite sure what she means until she tugs on her own top to let Alec know what she does mean.

His wings, and the scar of the sword. Those two things crush his confidence, because what will she think of them? Catarina can see his hesitation and takes a slow step closer. She takes his hand, brushing her thumb over the back of his hand, a simple gesture that reminds him solely of Magnus. And she knows, because a smile decorates her face as Alec lets his shoulder relax. Alec looks back at her, looking up from the hand and having all the pieces click together.

“This is a Magnus thing, isn’t it?” he lets Catarina hold his hand completely, grounding himself as he remembers Magnus doing that to him once.

“Yes, he does it to comfort anyone close to him, and I can see you’re nervous. I was right in thinking it would remind you of him.”

He’s smiling, holding her hand back. It’s a smile that pushes one side of his face up, feeling better now there’s a reminder of Magnus in his thoughts.

Swallowing his doubts, Alec stands up, letting go of her hand. Catarina turns around to give him privacy, pretending to be busy so there are no eyes on him while he battles a fear not many people would think he has. If Magnus was here, there would be no fear anymore, and he wouldn’t even think that in the first place. His cocky smile and attitude towards Magnus at the summoning portrayed nothing but confidence, even though there was that gentle smile he caught for a few seconds.

Alec places the Soul Sword down on the chair, taking off his suit jacket and folding it neatly, placing it on the side along with his plain white top. At first, his skin feels cold, but the kicking at the back of his mind that stops him from being so nervous breaks through. He needs to do this for _himself_ as well as Magnus.

Catarina doesn’t look up straight away as she turns around, but she can see the collection of scars blurred at the edge of her peripheral vision. Especially so, can she see the large scar down the center of his chest, stopping abruptly at the top of his abdominal muscles. Magnus certainly has a taste for the fit ones, but this one comes with history over his skin.

When she does finally look at him, her eyes immediately survey each rune, naming each one in her head and writing them down. She places where it is on Alec’s body next to the type of the rune, as she might need this information later. “Do they hurt you?”

“No,” he places a hand to his chest, thumb moving over the edge of the large scar. “but the ones on my back do from time to time. It’s only been recent because of a… new development, I guess.”

“New development?” Cautiously, she moves to Alec’s side, Alec turning and letting his back face her.

The gasp she lets out makes Alec tense. But she isn’t disgusted or shocked, she’s amazed.

“Alec, you have _wing_ scars. And they - they’re healing?” Gently placing a gloved finger over the right shoulder blade, she presses and watches the muscles around the force shift slightly.

Then Catarina witnesses something so fascinating, so _rare,_ that she has no words to explain it.

Alec’s wings move under his skin like a snake, the feathers pushing out as they appear through the scars. There’s no blood or skin ripping through flesh, it’s natural, like his body has done this a thousand times. His feathers shine, shimmering under the soft light of the lamp in the room. Alec is still tense, but the way Catarina is gentle makes it less intense.

“This… is so strange. I’ve never seen a demon grow wings like this, almost as if you aren’t fully demon anymore.” Catarina takes a few feathers, feeling how fragile they are even through the gloves. “The feathers are definitely young, but growing nicely.”

Alec smiles at that, looking over his shoulder as Catarina’s attention fades from his back, walking over to her desk to gather some equipment. She brings back scissors, which has Alec gulping a large amount of air.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to cut your wings off. I just need one feather to conduct some research. I’m not entirely sure if these wings are a new species of demonic wing or something else entirely,” she stands behind him, scissors in hand. “but if you don’t want to, that’s fine. I can maybe find out another way.”

He thinks about it, but there’s no argument that this would be the quickest way of finding out what’s really happening to his body. Alec knows Magnus is healing him, teaching him and helping gain back what he’s lost. But now he needs to find out _what_ Magnus is doing to help.

“Just one?” Alec is protective over his wings because he’s lost them once before.

Not only that, but Magnus was the one to bring them back, or at least Alec believes so. Just having that thought makes every strand on every feather of his wings extremely special to him. Even more so with the pain and loss he’s been through when losing them in the first place. Losing one feather wouldn’t mean much to other people, but for Alec, cutting one feather could feel like losing a memory.

“Don’t,” Ragnor arrives in the room, carrying a fresh brew as his usual blank, unamused expression has turned to one of uncertainty. “we don’t know what that will do to him. If the wings are young, let them grow. We have time to discover what Alec is, all of us do.”

In a way, Alec is relieved he stepped in to stop her, but at the same time he worries time really isn’t on their side. Magnus will decide that time when he arrives back, but for now, Ragnor was right.

Approaching Alec, he keeps his posture, not seeming to care about Alec’s nerves. It’s not that he doesn’t want to acknowledge them, but he knows Alec is no weakling.

“You’re right, but I think even Alec doesn’t know what’s going on with his own body.”

Ragnor hums, inspecting the feathers and then looking at a few of the scars. “Very strange, but nothing to be worried about. His body is changing, however, it’s strong enough to withstand these changes as you can see in front of you.” He gestures to the wings.

They are a little bigger than last time, not by much, but enough to _seem_ so. Alec can’t tell except for feeling the weight, but even then he can’t tell much difference. Catarina, as someone medically professional in supernatural and mundane, must know everything there is to be able to have the job she has. Not knowing what’s going on with Alec has her a little on edge, especially if this is going to be a danger to Magnus.

“At the end of the day, Alec must make the decision,” Ragnor speaks up again, but now his tone seems a lot less firm. “and we’ll go from there.”

Alec looks between the two warlocks, sighing inwardly. He hates making decisions that concern himself, as he would rather lead others than decide his own life. Frankly, Alec doesn’t really have a motive in life, it’s endless.

“I would like for them to grow a bit more. They’re sensitive, and I don’t-” he’s not sure if he should say the rest, but the nerves punching his lungs say otherwise. “I don’t want to lose them again. It sounds silly, as if one loss of a feather could destroy them, but I have this image inside my head that keeps playing over and over.”

“No need to worry, I understand. I’ve just never seen anything like this before, truly remarkable.” Catarina places a hand on his wrist, smiling at Alec to not let the thoughts pain him.

Ragnor nods, agreeing with his dear friend as he walks to the side of the room to play with the petals of a flower. Catarina takes a moment to write some detailed notes before continuing her train of thought out loud.

“I still wonder why only those hurt though,” she taps the end of the pen against her bottom lip, “maybe only that part of your body is recovering?”

“As in, healing?” Ragnor cuts in, walking back over and taking her notes from her, much to Catarina’s annoyance. “That could be a possibility, as if his body is slowly obtaining parts of itself from the past. Almost like building a puzzle.”

Alec stays silent. _What are they on about?_ Thankfully, Ragnor notices the confused expression on the demon’s face and begins to explain.

“When you build a puzzle, people usually start by finding the outer edges,” walking over to a board, he grabs a pen and begins to draw a quick outline of a human. “because once you find the edges, you have a frame ready to hold the other pieces.”

Catarina knows where he’s going with this, but Alec just squints until the cogs starting turning in his brain. It makes more and more sense as he goes on.

“Think of the pieces inside that puzzle as organs, things we need to function and live as we are. Your wings were part of you before, and now they’re healing, causing that area of your body to be complete in a physical sense. It will hurt or be inflamed because growth is never easy or simple, especially for wings if they’ve been nested inside for so long. Your shoulders will need to adjust to the extra weight again, and your brain will need to reopen channels that used to control the wings before.”

“So I’m becoming my old self again?” Alec takes a few seconds for it to click together.

Ragnor shrugs, one hand in the air. “A figure of speech, mostly.” Alec groans, “But usually my theories are right. I’m not a bookworm for nothing.”

Frantically looking over the drawing, Alec doesn’t entirely know what to say. If he really is becoming his old self again, or his body is healing what the embers took away, then maybe he’ll lose the Alec he is now. That scares him, because the past is unknown, and everything that’s been happening lately with Magnus he wants to remember for as long as he can. For that happiness to be taken away so soon will be a royal kick to the teeth. Alec can’t fathom the thought of forgetting, yet it’s what he’s been forced to do in the past by something or someone else. Now, it’s his own body ripping away that hope if Ragnor is true in his theory.

Hugging his arms across his chest, Alec sighs. This is more stressful than he wants it to be. How hard is to have a simple life? A life where he can run around the world with Magnus, exploring and learning cultures they haven’t had the chance too before. Alec seriously wants to ask him, but he knows the responsibility he has to his people. Alec admires that, don’t get him wrong, but surely he needs a break once in a few years, and Alec ignored the _you have an immortal lifetime to have a break_ argument circling in his thoughts.

“Alec, there’s no need to worry about this. I mean - you probably will anyway, but you’re not alone anymore.” She gives a darling smile, grounding those words as she hands him back his shirt.

Alone, he’s not _alone._

Magnus already extinguished that feeling, but now it feels like the last grasp it has is slowly crumbling. Not only does he have that other half to hug his heart, but he has allies.

Alec has friends.

And that thought is so new and _scary_ that Alec feels like breaking down. It means more than anything to not be alone, to not feel like he’ll turn around and see an endless darkness following him. Now, he could turn around and see people standing there alongside Magnus, making the darkness a little brighter along with his smile.

Taking the shirt, his smile threatened to permanently stay there, because something this small, this insignificant to some people means his entire lifetime.

Those nightmares of disappearing, truly becoming nothing other than a name in a book or an offensive name drop - he could be so much more than that now. To see proof of that happening makes it even more believable, that it’s not just his mind playing tricks on him and giving hope.

Nothing could possibly drag him down now, because people other than Magnus see him as _human._

Placing the shirt back on, he feels like the clothes don’t weigh him down anymore, but his wings still rip through the fabric as they demand to stay outside. Despite that, his clothes feel more secure, like he’s woken up on a fresh new day and promised himself to go out the door with a smile on his face. He does have a smile on his face, and so do the other two warlocks, both agreeing mentally that this man is the man Magnus wants and needs.

Sure, the demon factor may always be there, but as people constantly judged for the blood they have no choice but to carry, they can understand Alec’s struggle to find acceptance. Even more so when his very name strikes fear into the hearts of many.

And yet, there was no reason to be afraid.

“i’m not alone,” he says the words out loud to confirm them again, to hear his own voice say it and not the one in his mind. “because being so would be giving up.”

Alec says that because it’s true. With no Magnus, no other people to hold hands with or call them by their names - Alec would be a ghost. If you really think about it, he wouldn’t even be a ghost, because how would people know he’s there without the memory of him in the first place? A void, a cold endless tunnel with nothing but a suffocating silence. That’s what nightmares are made from, what they crawl out of, cursing clouds over rooftops and raining down despair.

Strength. He has the strength to go on, to stand when Magnus can’t and help him back up. He’s not _alone,_ a helping hand to pluck that apple too high in the tree or solve a riddle his tongue can’t speak. Those moments he can share with other people, then there’s the private ones, where alone means something more sacred than sad.

Magnus and Alec, alone, could mean comfort. The desire to hold an embrace until their stomachs growl or their limbs begin to numb. Then there’s the heat, the curving of fingers over skin and the sharp pins of nails taking grip. The gasp of losing control, the silent moan of letting go - all these moments are still yet to be lived. And Alec wants to make sure he lives every single one with the man he’s come to worship, to love, to _smile._ Magnus is every reason to make those many muscles make up a smile, to move out of bed to make tea even though his muscles scream not too.

Dreams can very much become a reality in this world, and this day has made them a little brighter. With friends willing to help their smiles grow, the battle for their love won’t be so brutal. Weights are lifted from their shoulders, and to others it may seem a small amount.

But for Magnus and Alec, a spec of dust off their shoulders means an entire solar system to their hearts. After so long, waiting, _hoping_ for that moment that their heart will sing and never go out of tune, that’s a feeling you can’t let go off so easily. Now they have that, the soft melody of two hearts working as one, even when one denied the existence of his own.

He wishes Magnus was here now, so he could hold his face, frame it with his long fingers by the sharp angles of his cheeks. Alec would adore him like art, but at the same time, a man. A man who looks back at him with the same fascinated, smitten expression who can’t help but grip his shirt and pull him closer, back and back towards the bedroom where their hearts will sing an even louder melody.

But that time isn’t happening now. Alec is still here, fumbling down his shirt over his torso and wearing the most free of smiles. It scares Alec how much his mind can create of Magnus in a few seconds, his body itching with the urge to find _his_ man and kiss those lips he’s become addicted to.

“There is no need to give up now. If Magnus has his goals set for you, which I have no doubt he already has from the lengths he’s willing to go - then myself and Catarina have no issues with helping you with anything,” he adjusts his green waistcoat, “but I do warn you that if you are to break his heart in any way, then you’ll truly feel the wrath of many wa-”

“I have no intentions of breaking his heart. Nor will I ever,” there’s a growl in his voice, the sword flickering where it lays on the chair. Ragnor looks at the small glimmer of red in his eyes. “and if I do, then I never deserved his heart in the first place.”

“No one deserves anyone's heart, my dear,” Catarina gets a glare from that. “come with me.”

Her tone doesn’t sit well with Alec, but her command isn’t ignored. Alec respects her, but can’t wait to prove her wrong that Alec does deserve Magnus’ heart. So Alec does follow behind, but their journey stops soon after it starts.

Alec is about to ask why she says that, but one person who he was scared of meeting again stands in the middle of the room.

She’s small, shoulders relaxed by her side as a teddy holds her hand, hanging on for dear life. Her hair is a little frazzled from sleep, but her loose pigtails keep their dainty shape.

It’s Madzie, and she's looking directly at Alec.

Alec expects her to run, or to defend herself with the magic he knows she has, but nothing. She stands there in silence, almost as if she's waiting for Alec to do something. Catarina looks between them, having intended for this to happen, to make Alec realise something else.

“For how fragile and important our hearts are, you should never give them away. Find company for your heart, but don’t give it away.” She watches Alec’s entire posture become small.

He doesn’t realise what’s happening until his eyes catch up with his brain. Madzie runs towards him, arms swung to hug his leg and stay there. Alec immediately lifts his hands, surrendering for whatever reason he feels like he needs to be.

But… she just stays there, hugging his leg and breathing softly.

Alec is completely and utterly stunned. He’s also scared, but something inside tells him to place his hand on top of her head. That seems to wake her from her trance, stepping back all so suddenly and looking directly up at him.

“Magnus’ friend,” she points, giving a tiny smile for a few seconds before going back to the blank one. “you helped me.”

Perhaps Valentine was right in saying humanity really was his weakness, because Alec’s entire body fumbles with this odd sensation. It’s happiness, but different.

Alec doesn’t know he’s feeling gratitude, as well as relief mixed in. Not only has Madzie given a smile towards him, but she acknowledges and _knows_ that Alec saved her from Valentine with Magnus. Her eyes looks so full of wonder, ready to explore the vast and dangerous world around her. And now Alec understands why Catarina said to never give his heart away. If Madzie was his daughter, he would never want anyone to break her heart. The thought was too painful, even if he isn’t her father, there’s that gut feeling inside that he needs to protect her. Maybe Alec should listen to that advice, but there will always be one weakness for his heart, and in reality becomes a strength he never knew he needed.

“That’s me, yeah.” Alec nods back to her, sinking to one knee and placing one hand on the floor so his height wasn’t so intimidating. “You alright?”

Madzie quickly nods, the teddy dancing as it swings from her sideways sway.

“I’m Madzie,” she holds out her hand, frozen in time as it’s suspended in the air. “and I am happy.”

His heart swells, not controlling the smile that curves his lips. Alec huffs a little, shaking his head and offering his own hand out for her to shake. Alec is gentle, closing his hand around hers and shaking her hand. Madzie smiles back, looking from one of Alec’s eyes to the other.

“I’m glad you are, Madzie,” Alec replies, hearing Catarina shuffle with various books in the distance. The amount of trust she has for him is insane, especially after only knowing him for a span of twenty minutes. He turns his attention back to Madzie, who seems to be fidgeting.

Her lips part to say something, but she pushes them together, almost as if she’s biting her tongue. Alec, as he lets go, wonders why she’s suddenly afraid to speak. It’s not nerves or that she’s scared, Madzie just doesn’t want to seem desperate. “Puppy?”

“Oh,” Alec chuckles, staying leant on his knee. “she’s not with me right now. I’m sorry.” How quickly her expression changes saddens Alec, but what she says next completely catches him off guard.

“Next time?”

Next time, as in she wants him to be here _again?_ She’s not going to… turn away and pretend he doesn’t exist once he walks through the door? Alec almost feels like crying, and becomes even more apparent when she charges forward, almost knocking him back.

Madzie is hugging him again, but this time she can place her tiny arms around his body, but her hands don’t connect. Instead they loosely place on his shirt, not gripping but enough pressure to know it isn’t a hug that's forced. Her face lays against his collarbone, and Alec doesn’t know what to do.

He’s hugged Magnus before, but this is a young warlock with years ahead of her. He’s scared that the flames only dim around Magnus, and that if he hugs her back, the progress he’s made will crash through the floor.

Enough is enough. There was no need to be fearful anymore, because if this little girl could stand up to what she fears in her nightmares, then Alec can face his own demons.

Closing his eyes, Alec wraps his arms around her, hugging back and letting his cheek sit on top of her head. She feels so… relaxed. It’s if she feels safe with him, keeping the hug for as long as she can. Alec throws around feelings in his head, but nothing can label or work with what he feels now.

It feels like family, almost.

Alec could have a family, and he’ll have that as a goal. Maybe it’s too soon, or maybe he’s ready to find his old one and say goodbye for real. Maybe Alec is ready to leave his heavy, forgotten past behind so he can make a past he wants to remember.

And a family? Alec wants that, he’ll probably dream of it besides Magnus. In fact, he _definitely_ will dream of that when his brain isn’t so conflicted about what to fight for and what to forget. Madzie still holds him, even letting her teddy fall to the ground so that she can hug him.

Alec has no idea why Madzie wants to hug him, but the gesture has every flicker of flame in his body diminish. His entire body grows cold, but not the lonely, hurtful cold. This cold is what normal mundanes would call an average temperature. Madzie was making him human, and the small gestures and trust he’s building proves even more that every little thing he learns to love, it makes him a better person.

They stay like that for another minute, Madzie pulling back first and Alec letting her go.

She looks troubled now, as if something clicked while her magic was that close.

“Are you happy?”

A question worth more than a smile itself. Alec can’t answer it because he simply can’t define it. Of course, Magnus makes him happy, but he’s had so little emotional time to experience what everyday mundanes feel, Alec can’t jump before he even begins to walk. He has to remember what he feels like to be happy, not just saying it because the word springs to mind.

When he texted he was happy to Magnus, that was his heart punching the words into the keyboard, not Alec. Overtime that sudden instinct to immediately react to protect himself has simmered to one of patience. Alec knows he has time, even if the Clave is starting to cut it short. That’s why he hasn’t said those heavy three words, because once he does, his heart will truly be open and ready to take. If Magnus says no, or he denies to hold Alec’s heart once he gives it, then it’ll be left in the open to rot. Alec probably won’t know love again, and therefore happiness will have to come from other forms. And that’s the problem, as Alec doesn’t have many roads to run down. Perhaps in a few years he’ll learn to love himself as well as others, but as of right now, Alec is struggling to define his own happiness from the havoc he’s causing for the people he cares about.

His head falls, Madzie watching with concerned eyes. He hasn’t responded, but she can see how hard it is for Alec to answer despite her age.

“Friends should be happy,” patting his forearm, Madzie smiles and lifts up her teddy, “maybe you need my friend here to make you happy!”

She offers Alec the bear like she’s holding up a certificate, and as the silence fills the room, not even Catarina is sure what Alec is thinking.

Alec stares at the bear, lips parted in complete shock that this girl who first labelled him as an enemy, is now offering her toy to make him _happy._ Alec feels tears threaten to fall, his wings falling numb as they begin to touch the floor. Valentine was right, that humanity really is his weakness. He’s seen death, destruction and illness at his own hand, but this, this innocence so blind to who he really is - Alec can’t help but cry. A single tear travels down his cheek, Catarina utterly stunned as to how much emotion Alec can truly feel. Then his voice appears, cracked and broken, but it’s there.

“Friends?” he repeats, the smile becoming a little chuckle as Madzie frantically nods.

“Yes!” She shakes the bear slightly in her hands. “make this a promise to bring miss puppy next time you visit!”

Alec can’t take it, he can’t take the toy she finds safety in when she sleeps, or finds comfort to hug in days where the wind blows a cold breeze. Madzie doesn’t let him think anymore, as she takes Alec’s hand that’s placed against the floor, putting her teddy bear into the grip of his fingers. “Promise?”

Looking down to the bear, he bites his tongue. Another gift from another person he never imagined would trust him. Age doesn’t matter it seems, as even the youngest of warlocks trust Alec to be a good person, simultaneously wanting them to promise his return.

Bringing the bear up to hold with both hands, he smiles, another tear following the previous trail.

“Yeah, I promise,” he sniffs, not getting the chance to say anything as Madzie hugs him again, and this time Alec doesn’t hesitate to hug her back, lifting his shoulders a little as the strength floods back into his system.

Catarina watches the two sides embrace. A deemed greater evil and small good. It makes her smile, because Madzie seems to be falling asleep again in his arms, Alec gently placing a hand to the back of her head and swaying her. She can’t help but think that’s instinct playing a part, that Alec has some sort of younger family in his past life.

Alec seems to notice her hug losing strength, hearing her heartbeat mellow to a rhythm that can only be labelled as falling asleep. Turning to Catarina, she smiles and nods, gesturing towards her room down the hall so Alec can tuck her back into bed.

And so as Alec stands, Madzie in his arms, she truly believes that not _one_ ounce of Alec has ever been evil.

He was forced to be what he is, and thankfully the world can see different to what the most horrific of people want you to believe. He walks down the hall with a calm posture, wings hanging low through his shirt, the midnight of the feathers shimmering with such beauty that reflects on the wall as he walks. Madzie is curled up, and the more Alec hears the little snores, the more he feels that he’s finding somewhere to belong.

Alec is learning that his heart can love more than once in different ways; family, friendship, and then the true love of finding your other half. Alec is slowly finding all of those, how to love, how to be happy.

Most of all, he’s learning how to be himself again.

Puzzles are always one large piece to begin with, cut into shapes by force and muddled together for someone to solve. Alec has found those people to solve his puzzle for him, and as each day passes, another slots to the edge, the image revealing itself as the solved riddle moves towards the center.

He didn’t understand the meaning of the glow in his chest, but now he does.

And he’s not going to let the darkness ever threaten him or his loved ones again.

_they make pages turn and turn_

_but how do we ignore it_

_when it's the only page he has_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is pretty much 90% malec, see you then! thank you for all the support! I noticed this got 9k hits when I went to update and that's INSANE! That's the most I've ever gotten, thank youuuu!!
> 
> (and for this missing cocky, bad-ass swordsman Alec, he'll be back soon!!
> 
> if you want teasers or updates on my chapter progress, you can follow @karasunoflyy on twitter!
> 
> thanks for Lisa for reading this one through!


	12. Letting Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of violent crimes for this one, as a warning!
> 
> thank you for all your continued support :) i don't think I'd be past my original chapter goal without it!
> 
> #ODSfic

A deep fire within breaks through his skin, magic igniting through the air, throwing force towards objects placed on the coffee table. Magnus’ fury knows no bounds, and the sparking red of his magic roars in partner with the shattered glass across the floor.

His shoulders heave with caged confusion and anger, and Ragnor would be even more angry if he found out he destroyed a fine bottle of wine.

Magnus stands in the middle of his apartment, the words on paper constantly rewriting in his head. All this time, he’s been smiling at a criminal - a monster. The truth would always hurt, he knew that, but now it was here, Magnus wants to forget it. He can’t place Alec and that file together, his heart physically _strangling_ itself at the thought of him doing what he was accused off. How could he have been so blind?

Another wave of magic boomed through the air, trembling the very table and crushing it under the force of Magnus’ internal war. Wood snaps, the table flying into the wall opposite to him which Isabelle has to dodge, but only a little.

“Magnus, you can’t believe them,” she doesn’t know how to calm him down, and Magnus won’t let her ring any of his comrades to come and do just that. “you know how hypocritical they are.”

For a moment, Magnus seems to have given up, the hand he holds out trembling from magic _wanting_ to create havoc. Fingers twitching from a controlled madness, the magic seems to wither, but not fade.

He opened the envelope despite his heart telling him not to. Magnus can’t live his life risking his heart for someone he barely knows, even if it’s the most natural of relationships he’s ever had the luck of being in. Alec is so lost, but at the same time the weight he carries on his shoulders is no easy measure to ignore. Ever since he saw that confidential information, he can’t get the images out of his head.

They aren’t of what he used to be, but what he is now becomes more potent, more _terrifying._

Magnus images Alec towering over him, the Soul Sword in his hand as it burns the very skin that holds it. His face ignores the pain, emotionless, the scars of his past coloured in a void of the darkest black that no light can emit from them anymore. Alec’s eyes are hollow, a swarming dread that swallows Magnus whole as he holds his throat. Fire bleeds from his chest, the souls of people who burned at his very hand screaming out for redemption, reaching out for someone to avenge them.

And his wings, no longer angelic, but bones that bleed with a black tar, the souls behind him holding on and trying to pull themselves out of the pits of Edom, and all he’s doing is smiling at Magnus. That smile, it makes him seem so human compared to the rest of the image that surrounds it.

It’s horrible, Magnus doesn’t want to see this version of the man he loves anymore. Yet he can’t help it, because it’s what he _is._

“I can’t stop, Isabelle,” he walks backwards, falling into the chair as he cringes at the demon form of Alec inside his mind. “The images in my head, they won’t stop.”

Her lips tremble as Magnus puts his head in his hands, fingers pulling at his hair like he’ll be able to pull the thoughts out of his mind. What hurts Isabelle the most, is that she can’t see what Magnus does, and therefore can’t judge how to help. That isn’t to say Isabelle doesn’t see Alec in his own form too, but it’s drastically different to Magnus’ imagination.

Whereas Magnus knows of Edom and it’s appearance, Isabelle doesn’t, so her form of Alec in his most monstrous state is more like a shadow creature. Black smoke rises from his arms, his head turning slowly as red fire burns from his eyes, gradually forming over the edge of his brows. He holds arrows in his hands instead of the Soul Sword, tips of the sharp instrument ignited in a red flame. Isabelle has no idea what they mean, and it annoys her she can’t find anything in her memory to explain why she sees Alec so empty. Magnus can thank Edom for twisting Alec into such a hellish creature, but they both have the same ounce of fear.

Isabelle walks over, sitting herself down on his right. At first, she wants to talk him out of this downward spiral, but she can see his lips moving with the intent to speak.

“I don’t want to believe what they said, and I don’t know if it’s even real, but,” he lifts his head, looking at the glass that now decorates the floor. “who do I believe?”

“Your heart, for one.” Isabelle frowns at his little huff.

“Where has that ever given me, besides from endless pain?” he goes to reach for wine, but realises he’s destroyed the table it used to sit on. “I’m tired of being lied to.”

“How can Alec lie to you, Magnus? He can’t remember anything _to_ lie about.” She gets up, walking over to Magnus’ kitchen to collect some water so that Magnus doesn’t destroy another part of his living room.

“I know, but why would they go to that length to label him like that if it wasn’t true? They are desperate, for sure, but why hide such information?” He can hear ruffling towards the bedroom, as Omamori trots out towards Magnus.

Usually, he would smile at her, but this was just a reminder of what Alec was, and how these little bits of innocence completely overshadowed what he’s just been told.

“They probably hide information that’ll make them look bad as an organisation. For one of their own to turn even _worse_ than Valentine, I don’t see why they wouldn’t try to hide it.” Isabelle returns to Magnus with a glass of water, who is still staring at the pup that begs for his attention.

“I don’t want it to be true. The whole punishment, becoming a demon, it makes sense if that was what he was before,” he takes the glass, Isabelle giving a little smile. “I just don’t understand why the Clave only told us now.”

Omamori eventually gives up, giving a little huff as she tries to get onto the sofa herself. Isabelle helps, picking her up and placing her on her lap as she talks with Magnus. “You can’t believe anything until you talk to Alec. No matter what he says about it, show it to Alec.”

Magnus took a mental screenshot with his magic in order to not comply with the Inquisitors trade. Of course, she wasn’t very happy about that, but even if Magnus seemed like the enemy now as he walked out, his decision making had to be level. When he was seething with anger, betrayal and sadness for his bleeding heart, there could be no thought out decisions for this. Just because the envelope labelled him as the worst enemy the Shadowhunters have ever witnessed, doesn’t mean he is _now._ It could be all a lie, a bribe for Magnus to get the glorified toothpick back into the hands of the Clave - but what if it was true? Surely they wouldn’t go to that length to lie, in turn screwing up their own status as the _overlords_ when they try and clean up their own mistakes.

He has proof, that if they lie about this of all things, that they are nothing but power hungry and something surely needs to change.

But Magnus still has to hold close that this could be true. All of this could be fake, a heart crushing lie that he’s fallen for again.

He begs it isn’t.

He doesn’t want Alec to be the monster inside his head.

“I know I need to see him, but what if this is true and he knows we’re onto him?” he sips his water, but it doesn’t seem to make his mouth any less dry. “If he snaps, I - I don’t think I’ll have the strength to stop him.”

“Because,” she pauses, knowing this might hurt Magnus even more. “you still love him?”

Slowly, he nods, closing his eyes and drooping his head.

Isabelle has never seen him so destroyed, so torn between what’s good and evil. He always says that it’s a matter of what you perceive things, but there was an obvious right or wrong here. As a leader, he should know what direction to take, what decision to make between multiple others. Perhaps for the first time, Magnus doesn’t know where to turn, and the lack of focus in his mind has every spark of magic inside him fighting for release. He needs time to think this through, and he needs Alec’s opinion.

But how can he face him right now?

There was an itch to see that smile, to hope that seeing him would make this all disappear. Even Isabelle knows that wasn’t the case. Magnus has a plan slowly brewing in his mind, but he hopes that deep down that he isn’t tricked by his own desires.

“Do you want me to give you some time alone?” She gently places a hand on his shoulder, smoothing her thumb over the fabric.

Alone time would be great, but having that silence for his thoughts and pain to brew won’t help in the slightest. He needs air, and he needs Alec.

As stupid as it is to crave his presence even after what he knows, Magnus trusts his gut that the information he was told isn’t real. He _begs_ any angels that still listen to him above that Alec isn’t really a demon, that he’s just been forced that way for some horrid amusement.

“I’m going over to Catarina’s. I can’t face Alec alone, and I need to know if he went there.” Standing, his first step isn’t the strongest, but he carries himself well after a few more, walking to his bedroom.

She doesn’t feel annoyed or abandoned, because Isabelle knows how hard this could be for him. There was no pointing fingers or shouting about what side we’re on here, because there was nothing more confusing than this. He’s going to take off his suit, put on something a little less business, including makeup touches to hide the pain in his eyes. Magnus has hidden himself from the outside world before, but he doesn’t know if he can do it against the man whose seen more than just a smile on his face. Plus, he’s a demon, he’ll be able to smell fear, so he has to try his best to mask that. Maybe he’ll have his guard down enough that Alec won’t need to use any powers.

Pausing as he pops the first button on his shirt, he realises the thought process going through his head.

_I’m acting as if I’m hunting him. I’m just like one of them._

Cursing himself, he quickly discards his shirt to find another, searching through countless of his favourite tops and not finding a single one he desires to wear. Everything is falling apart, just when he thought everything was about to go right.

Eventually he settles for a simple blue, silk shirt that tucks into black trousers. They fit him nicely, but other than that he doesn’t accessorize past necklaces, rings and earrings. In reality, there isn’t much to dress up for besides trying to hide the constant swallowing thoughts. If Alec does notice his caution, and he _isn’t_ on his side, then who knows what blood might be shed when he never imagined it in the first place.

Isabelle stands, Omamori in her arms as he walks back in, a smile gracing her face. “Handsome as always.”

That makes Magnus smile, if only for a short while. “Many thanks,” he pauses for a moment, then smiles again, “do remind me that we should go shopping some time. I owe you an apology after so much judgement at the start.”

Walking towards him, she adjusts the collar of his shirt where he missed folding it down. It’s not like Magnus to miss a fault in his clothes, but with the amount of questions and doubt on his mind, no one could blame him.

“There’s no need to spoil me because of what years of my people have done to yours. I expected it, I’m just thankful that you saw past that and got to know who I really am.” Isabelle pats his chest lightly, keeping that warming smile on her face. “But I will never turn down a shopping trip, _especially_ if that trip is with you. I could do with the break from the constant whining at work, as I’m sure you already know.”

“Oh, do I?” He smirks, mouthing a thanks as he steps aside to grab his trench coat.

Isabelle sighs, hugging Omamori closer as she whines from Alec bring absent. Her small frame is quite cold despite her blood, the apartment being chilly compared to what it usually is. Magnus notices the pup’s little shiver, flipping on a switch next to him on the wall that turns the central heating on. It’s a subconscious thought, even if every time he looks at Omamori, it’s a reminder of what’s to come.

“You can stay here as long as you like, if you wish. I know you may need a break from that place, and I don’t blame you one bit.”

Isabelle raises one hand, shaking her head. “I’ll be fine. They’re expecting me back soon to file some reports about today.”

“Do make sure to note how handsome I looked in those reports,” his humour was doing little to hide the shake in his words, and Isabelle didn’t need the humour to know he was hurting. “as I’m sure you will.”

“I always do, gotta’ do my job properly.” Placing Omamori down, the pup soon runs off in search of something to play with. As she picks up Magnus’ empty glass, she eyes him, Magnus glancing to the floor as he fumbles with the sleeve of his coat. “Magnus, remember what I said - trust your heart.”

As he looks back to Isabelle, she’s already heading back to the kitchen to wash the dishes. He has no idea why she decides to do them, but something tells Magnus that this is her way of dealing with pain. She must keep busy, but Magnus doesn’t know what she could be in pain about. Maybe she just cares about Alec, or she’s hurting simply because Magnus is. Whatever the case, it’s important that Isabelle knows she isn’t alone.

Magnus walks up to her, placing a soothing hand on her shoulder like she has done to him time and time before. There’s no words, no expressions, just natural trust. He remains for a few seconds, Isabelle smiling as she turns to look at him. A slight moisture covers the surface of her warm eyes, battling to hold them back. All the stress of these last few weeks is finally coming to breaking point - and to have it crash and burn like this, where Magnus’ heart is starting to rot away again, it pains her. If she wants to do anything in life, it’s to help the people she cares about.

Fuck the Institute, fuck the Clave. They don’t know right from wrong, but Magnus? He wants what’s best for people - he _brings out the best in people._ There is no leader stronger than that, and Magnus is the idol she looks up to more than Isabelle thought she ever would.

He brings her round for a hug, squeezing gently and then just holding her. But it isn’t Magnus who speaks first, even if he wanted too.

“Please don’t believe what they say. Give him a chance, and I know that isn’t easy - but _please._ I - I have this feeling about him, I don’t know what it is, but give me time to figure it out.” Magnus frowns, pulling back to look at her, sniffing as she wipes her tears away with the back of her hand.

“I don’t know what it is, but there’s this cold, _empty_ feeling when I see him. I know that could be the demon - but - I,”

Holding her wrists, Magnus nods, Isabelle unable to carry on her words. She doesn’t want to jinx them, and she doesn’t want them to come crashing back down. If anything, Isabelle thinks this is all the demon’s magic, but having that cold, empty feeling inside her does more than frighten. It makes her feel _alone._

“I promise, I’m not going to send him back. God, I could never send him back. Even if he is what they say, it matters about what he is now. It’s just…”

“Your relationship with him?” Sniffing again, she tries to rub away the tears without smudging her makeup. Isabelle never expected to cry over this, but lots of things bottled up have to break out eventually.

And Magnus nods, walking back to place his hands on the side behind him. “I can’t be with him if that happened. I'd be giving a criminal a second chance. I - I don’t want it to be true, but I can’t ignore it and pretend it never happened. I know it’s the Clave, and I know they lie, but I need to find out who Alec _really_ is before I let my heart fall more than it already has.”

“I think it’s too late for that,” Isabelle replies, hugging herself again. “and it doesn’t take a genius to see how in love you two are. I’ve only seen you together once, but it was enough to know you two care. The _amount_ of things you’ve told me, and the lengths you’ve already gone? Don’t waste it, Magnus.”

He nods, giving a small smile and patting his thighs twice before walking away. It’s a gesture to calm the shake in his fingers, trying to take his mind off what he needs to do next.

“Do what you have to do,” she continues, Magnus’ back towards her as he does the usual dance with his fingers to create a portal. “but don’t break your own heart.”

Magnus doesn’t look back, but the words strike him as if someone physically hit him. He clenches his fist, the words he wants to speak so painful for Isabelle and even himself to hear.

“I’ll do what’s best for my people, that’s my duty.” Ignoring his own heart’s cry, Magnus walks through the portal to Catarina’s, the magic warping in on itself to close a few seconds after.

Feeling the breeze of the magic brush over her face, Isabelle sighs. She really wants to find out who Alec is ever since she found out he was a Shadowhunter. There must be a family out there for him, there _has to be._

Turning back around, she dabbles with the thought of Alec being her family, but it doesn’t click, only making the cold ache in her heart grow stronger. She wants it gone, she wants this mystery solved, so that all their hearts can finally have some peace in this war of a world.

 

\--

Never has stepping inside Catarina’s apartment been so frightening. Images plague his head of red and immovable souls. But… that wasn’t the case this time.

As the portal collapses behind him, a small breeze shaking the lamps, Magnus immediately notices the comfortable silence.

Catarina is sat by her coffee table, a stack of books placed next to her on the couch. She didn’t look up straight away, but Magnus’ little nervous adjustment of his collar brings her attention away from the book she’s taking notes from.

“Ah, you’re here in one piece,” placing the book aside, she stands, gesturing towards the kitchen. “are you staying for a drink or?”

“Where’s Alec?” Magnus’ words are almost immediate, forced out by the fight that bites at his heels.

“He’s here,” Catarina eyes him suspiciously, looking down to the usual gesture she recognises. He’s brushing his thumb and forefinger together on his left hand. “and he’s fine. Madzie fell asleep and Alec carried her back to bed. I checked on them almost immediately, and she made him read a story to her.”

A sting erupts inside Magnus’ heart at that. Moments ago he was worried that Alec was wreaking havoc in his best friend’s home, but instead, he was reading a bedtime story to a young warlock. It’s true there is no ounce of evil in him now, but the voices in his head say otherwise. Catarina takes a step forward, her expression one laced with concern.

“Magnus? What happened?” Crossing her arms, she blocks Magnus’ pathway to Madzie’s room until she gets an explanation.

“We need to find out who he really is, and fast. The Clave want him more than ever, and if what they gave me today is true, then I can’t love him anymore.” It’s a short summary of what happened, and not very well organised, but it’s all he can manage when there is a constant battle of thought and heart going on inside him.

“The Clave gave you information?” She holds out her hand and gestures for him to give it over. “Let me see. I don’t want you believing any of their lies.”

Sighing, he brings one hand up, swaying the hand over Catarina’s with his usual elegant grace. A paper appears out from sprinkles of blue, the mist fading out and falling off the side of her hand.

From the official seal of the Clave at the bottom, Catarina knows it’s an official document, but if it’s one that holds truth is the real question here. Both hands hold the document, taking time to read it over and place judgement in her head.

She can’t believe what she reads, not when the Alec now is a complete opposite to the one mentioned here. Now she knows why Magnus’ caution is here, and why the nerves shake him more than usual. It’s sad and horrifying to think that after all of this, they are friends with something they would never even imagine even getting to know. But Catarina can’t imagine Alec being this way, or he has no remaining essence of it inside him.

“Magnus, this is ridiculous,” she hands him back the paper. “there’s no way this is your Alec. I’ve spent enough time with him today to _know_ that everything on that paper is a lie. He doesn’t even have the same _name.”_

He takes back the paper, folding it up and placing it in the pocket of his coat. Ragnor soon joins them, scoffing at the already tense atmosphere just as he arrives.

“What did you do now?” He announces, snatching the paper from his pocket before Magnus can say anything.

Ragnor’s expression is neutral until he starts reading, and for once, he isn’t quite sure what the best answer is here. He hands it back, looking at how Magnus doesn’t _want_ to take it back, that this piece of parchment is enough to crush the entirety of his chest into nothing.

“Do you believe it?” Another question thrown his way from Ragnor, and Magnus sighs.

“I don’t know what to believe. My heart says Alec, but my 400 years of experience say otherwise. I have to be sure that this _isn’t_ real.” Finally, Magnus crushes the paper, letting it be consumed by the flames of his own magic for safe keeping.

“I see,” Ragnor turns and sits down on the closest chair. “you want to make sure that the first truth the Clave ever tells is towards you? Right?”

There’s a little kick in his legs, like everyone in this room is suddenly turning against Magnus. “In a way, yes, because what if our first mistake is not believing them? Knowing my luck, I’d be stupid to ignore such a warning.”

“Luck? You mean your luck with love?” Magnus can’t look at Catarina when she says that. “My dear, you’ve found it.”

“I’ve found the broken parts of it,” he replies, clenching one of his fists. “Alec deserves to know his past, as do I.”

“And have you spoken to him about this?” Catarina gestures down the hall to where Alec is now, then looking back to Magnus. All the answers, at least the ones Alec remembers were right there, waiting.

All he had to do was ask.

“No,” Magnus takes some time to reply, predicting the grumbles from both of his friends. “I’m being cautious about this. One word or prompt could make him snap.”

Ragnor and Catarina grow silent, then, they both look at each other.

“That’s it, a word that prompts his memory,” Ragnor rises from his chair, pointing out one finger, a victorious smile bright on his face. “but it could also mean bad news if what you showed us is true.”

“Now I see your struggle,” sighing herself, Catarina taps a finger against her lips, thinking deep about the many routes they could go down to approach this. “and the Clave makes it hard to do anything now, I’m guessing?”

Magnus nods, biting his bottom lip as he announces more bad news.

“Because of the lack of cooperation, the Inquisitor has placed my area under Shadowhunter watch for as long as they deem fit. I tried to argue but they never take no for an answer.” The collective small amount of remaining happiness in the room plummets to the floor.

Ragnor is about to speak up when Catarina stands, pronouncing her words with a newfound need to prove something. She wants to stand up and help, because that’s what she does, and that’s what Catarina wants from this. She wants Alec to feel like a person again, because she’s seen the tears and the weak posture, the scars that display over the surface of his skin. Nothing says being human other than letting your emotions free, not holding them back because of society or what the perfect man could be. Alec was a human, even if the demon remains - because he _chooses_ to be good, he _chooses_ to love Magnus. If that much love is coming from a demon who is meant to strip it away, to treat it like dessert, then what can Catarina argue with? Change needs to happen, and Alec is the starting block.

“I’ll let him stay here,” Magnus looks shocked, as if he never expected anyone to say that about Alec except Maia. “If we’re going to understand who he is, noting any changes that occur over the next few weeks while you deal with the Clave is going to be important.”

“He can’t stay here, the Clave will be questioning all warlocks along with other Downworld leaders. I’m yet to convey the news to Luke and Raphael, but one thing is for sure, is that they won’t appreciate extra eyes on their back.”

“You can’t blame yourself, I was the one who told you to hold onto love as soon as you find it.” As he sips his drink, Ragnor curves a thumb around the handle.

Love seems far away now, more than ever. But it also seems closer than any other relationship Magnus has been through. That constant pull and push on his heart is exhausting, especially if he wants to pull rather than push Alec away. Visiting Catarina could be an option, but doing so under the nose of the Clave could be incredibly dangerous.

“I don’t blame myself. I blame the Clave for not letting people speak their side of the story and suddenly framing them as the enemy. Alec doesn’t even have a chance to defend himself, it’s already past the point of no return.” Bringing his hands together, he squeezes, trying not to let his magic break through the control.

Catarina stands, walking over to her friend and placing both hands on his shoulders.

“You, Magnus, are the strongest person I know. Not only do you lead us, but you put us first more times than I can count. It’s your turn to find some happiness, ok? You deserve happiness and everything else you desire, and if that so happens to be a greater demon, then so be it.” She smiles, and Magnus finds himself smiling too. “What’s important, is that it makes you happy. You always said to me being happy is a lot harder than just smiling, it’s about feeling it too.” Catarina points to his chest, directly over his tired and aching heart.

The voices in his head become quiet, silenced by the wise and encouraging words of his friend. If Alec is safe, if he can come here for help and safety when he can’t find that in Magnus, then he’ll keep going.

No matter how much it pains him with the distance they’ll have to keep.

“Now,” she gently slaps his arm. “Go talk to your man. It’s not a goodbye, because I have no doubt you’ll be seeing him sooner than you think.”

Magnus chuckles, soon becoming a gentle smile as he agrees, trying to ignore the guilt and sadness that shakes his body. “I hope you’re right.”

 

\--

Alec is sitting on the edge of Madzie’s bed, closed story book in his hands as he listens to the room grow quiet. She’s fallen asleep to his voice, reading out a tale of a King and his dragon, unknown to the world yet trying their best to help the citizens of his land. It’s not a story that interests Alec, but the more he reads into the meaning, the more he can relate.

He can’t dwell on it too much, especially when nerves are already creeping in again. Every minute that passes by is another Alec has to wait to see his lover again. A dark question lingers at the bottom of those thoughts.

_What if I never see Magnus again?_

Looking over his shoulder, the dim neon of her night light emits a soft glow. The colour dances along the walls, the patterns creating multiple creatures that increase in size and deform as the case spins. It’s peaceful, and it traps Alec in this daze of having to name each one.

He doesn’t know what they are. Alec knows they’re animals, but he doesn’t have a memory of calling them by a name.

There may be a book in Madzie’s room somewhere to help him with that, but he doesn’t want to make too much noise and wake her. That thought has him a little baffled, because he can silence his own steps if he wants to. Alec is starting to think and feel without his demonic powers, which is a step in the right direction, but also a daunting one. He’s never done this before, a mundane thing such as reading a bedtime story to someone to help them sleep. There’s no denying the feeling is a good one, but it’s the thought of never having a chance to do this in the first place. Madzie’s teddy sits by his hip, head fallen from its own weight. Alec still doesn’t know if he should accept the gift or not, but Madzie insisted that the bear stay by his side when he was reading and not her own.

Having Madzie there, leaning over his arm so she can see the pictures of the book, it was a warming feeling. In fact, he felt like he truly _is_ her friend, that Alec is genuinely helping her become content enough to sleep. Telling her a story that produces dreams for her instead of nightmares his powers could create was a welcome change. She thanked him when the story came to an end, hugging his arm, a gesture that Alec was never going to get used to feeling. She fell back and curled up a few seconds later, ignoring the teddy Alec tried to give back to her. Madzie said nothing about his wings that still refuse to hide, and it still confuses Alec as to why. Perhaps he subconsciously doesn’t feel the need to hide them anymore, letting them breathe and relax outside his body. He did notice her stare when he first sat down, but all she did was smile, saying _pretty!_ and taking more interest in the way he smiled at her compliment.

If Madzie couldn’t see the demon in him, even when people her age are so fresh with fears of the world, then Alec can believe in himself more.

From the problems he’s made, and continues to make, Alec can no longer make monsters out of those thoughts. Good outweighs the bad, more and more so as the days pass by with his newly gained alliances and knowledge. Magnus leads that charge, holding his hand as he walks through the corridors of a life he never thought he’d have.

Alec can stand on his own now, granted his walk is still shaken, but it’s stronger than when he first met Magnus. He’s his own person, his own heart and his own soul. Alec is no longer the weapon he was forged to be, but greater. What he is will never change, only evolve. But _who_ he is can, and there’s already evidence of that growth blooming right now.

Once sitting alone in the void of Edom, where only the flames illuminate the immense landscape, Alec now sits in the fake perception of stars as the light changes pattern, holding a child’s dream weaver in his hands. A teddy sits next to him, and a small warlock with a bright future sleeps safely behind him.

Everything he’s been through, every drop of blood he’s lost or tear he’s shed - it’s led to this.

He can exhale on his own, he can _breathe_ because of the freedom he now feels.

Looking up, where the concentration of the projected stars is much smaller, he wonders if he’ll ever see them for real. He can go now, to see them from the highest mountain top, but his feet stay. Alec’s mind is elsewhere in a daydream, looking down from his point of view to his hand, seeing another interlocked with his. Warm skin decorated with rings contrasts against his own, the cold of the metal sending small little shivers up the surface of his arm. He doesn't need to consult his own mind to know it’s Magnus’ hand, holding him close as they watch the stars somewhere in the dark. Maybe he’ll have that one day, perhaps years in the future, perhaps tomorrow. Either way, it’s something he wants to do, to experience with the man he loves.

And then the crushing reality comes back, that Alec may not get that opportunity because of the Clave. Whatever Magnus tells him, he has to either take it with a pinch of salt, or believe it. Frankly, Alec doesn’t want to know what the Clave has to say about him, because right now, he’s in a good spot. Alec is in a neutral state, enjoying the small moments and treasuring them more than he ever realised he would. Allowing those negative and hurtful words that no doubt were said to consume him again, he might as well not be here. He’d be wasting weeks of recovery, weeks of smiles and development to be the Alec he _wants_ to be.

With Madzie here, he’s slowly realising that he doesn’t need to constantly think about what he is, or what he’s _meant_ to be. Right now, he’s not worried about the Soul Sword, because it still sits dormant in Catarina’s medical room. If they need it to help Alec find out what truly happened to him, then he’ll let them have it. They know what it does, so there’s no rush to get it back to Clave. Catarina would say herself to never give it back, and Alec respects that decision. Being thrown down to Edom with the Soul Sword must have some significant reason not to give it back to the world. But then again, why would the angels give one of their weapons to a newly forged demon? He’d be riddled with hatred, anger and blood-thirsted revenge, but Alec never found that grip to fulfil those cravings. Alec found a way to gain some sense of himself back, to crack through his old warrior coding with his new powers, to pick himself up from the ground and fight his way for whatever he wants to believe in.

Most importantly, Alec feels _wanted._ He’s brave enough to stand up and say _this is my friend,_ or _I’m going to visit my friend today._ And Alec has _never_ had that in what he can remember. Despite the blood that he carries, despite the monster that’s depicted as horned and eyes of fire - Alec _chooses_ to be human.

Alec can’t remove his powers or scars for the sake of being that, but he isn’t relying on them to the point of insanity or addiction. That can happen because of his demonic nature, because the more sins he can feed from, the more _rich_ in power he’ll feel overall. He can’t recall a time where he reached that high, and he never wants to, at least not anymore. Alec has more things to look forward to, maybe even a family.

He turns, looking at Madzie once more and how peaceful she is. Who knows? Alec may read a bedtime story to a child of his own in the future. There’s no second guessing here, because Alec would want that, a family. From his memories being wiped, he can’t remember his own, or his own childhood and how his own mother or father would have read stories to him. But, what if it wasn’t like that? What if Alec was a warrior from the youngest age he could be, a duty forced on him from the blood he’s born with?

If he ever does manage to be part of a family in the future, hopefully with Magnus, he’ll make sure to give them the childhood they deserve. Happiness, safety, health. All the good things, protecting them from the dark that’ll haunt them. Alec can take their nightmares away, their pain, their worries and tears, but he needs to remember not to blind them from the true horrors. Making them mute to the dangers may put them in even more danger, but Alec will learn how to be the best father can be from learning. He’ll make the effort, the hours of sitting in mundane libraries and reading about family life. He’s willing to do anything, to protect and hold a child in his own arms to call his own.

Perhaps the world will let him one day, to let him sit here like he is now and appreciate that he has a family. Reading a story to Madzie was just the start, as he could come back another day and paint pictures, or solve puzzles, or just watch some TV. Either way, Alec looks forward to seeing her grow into a strong, independent woman that’ll give men a run for their money. And that thought makes him smile, huffing to himself as he stands, gently placing the book onto her bedside table. The night light continues to spin slowly, and he admires it for a few seconds more before picking up Madzie’s teddy.

Just as he’s about to open the door, it opens by the hand of someone else.

Alec is met face to face with the man he’s just been planning a future with.

Magnus meets his eyes with an expression Alec can’t seem to recall seeing before. It’s fear, a little bit of uncertainty mixed in as he opens the door wider, this time slower than a few seconds ago.

“Hey,” Alec whispers, giving a small little smile as he leans back a little so Magnus can see Madzie. “she’s quite the dreamer.”

Magnus looks from Alec to Madzie, seeing her safe and sounds as she sleeps under the many stars that slowly move over the walls of the room.

“Catarina told me you were reading her a story,” he walks into the room, closing the door and stopping it just before the click. Both of their voices are small, but they don’t need to be any louder. 100% of their attention is on each other. “how did it go?”

Looking back to Madzie, Alec smiles once more. The fact that Magnus hasn’t immediately spoke about the Clave gives him a little hope that it’s not bad news.

He has no idea about the storm going on inside Magnus’ heart. When Alec turns back, he catches a glimpse of Magnus staring at him, as if he isn’t even there. It makes Alec frown a little, but he doesn’t press on just yet.

“It’s… strange, to say the least. I haven’t done this before and I was scared she’d hate me,” Alec walks towards the door, holding up the teddy Madzie gifted him. “but she gave me this. And I… have no idea how to thank her for how much hope she’s given me.”

 _Hope._ Magnus cringes, his lungs squeezing at the feeling that surrounds him. He dreads telling Alec the news, even more so when he’s had such a progressive day in terms of his own development.

“That’s lovely,” Magnus replies, following him to the door even though he’s only just closed it. Alec must have sensed his nerves. “I have no doubt that you’ll get along with everyone just fine.”

As he finishes that sentence, the door to Madzie’s room closes, and Alec has to bite back his words.

Will he? Will he get along with everyone?

What happened at the meeting?

He doesn’t turn to face Magnus, but when he does, there’s fear present in the twitch of his fingers. If Magnus is avoiding talking about it, then his previous thought of hope is thrown out the window.

“Magnus, what happened?” Alec looks at him, and _really_ looks at him.

He can see the tremble in his lips, the slight twitch in his expression as he thinks things over, and the small nervous gesture of rubbing his thumb and finger together. Alec knows something went wrong, because he can see the amount of fear rolling of Magnus’ body as soon as he turns an ounce of his power back on.

Magnus tries to give him a smile, but it quakes in sadness, and he can’t even hold his head up anymore. It sounds so much easier in his head that he can deal with this, but now Alec is here, he can’t look at him without seeing two voids slicing him into two versions of himself. The monster and the human.

“We need to talk,” he finally brings himself to say a few words, and Magnus can see their immediate effect on Alec. “back home.”

 _Home._ Would it be home after this? Maybe not, but Alec wants to keep calling it that even if he’s forced from it forever. In reality, it’s the only home he’s ever had, where he felt like he belonged, felt like he was _loved_ and _wanted._

Watching his jaw clench, Magnus takes a step backwards into a spare room. Alec doesn’t even follow, staring at the ground in a newfound defeat. It already feels like the end and they haven’t even started. There’s also anger, conjuring inside his veins and sparking. The Clave must have said something, or they’ve done something to change Magnus’ thoughts about him.

A promise holds him back from showing every one of those members why he was given the Soul Sword and not them.

Magnus opens a portal in one of the spare rooms, and as Alec steps in, he can see that even his magic shakes with uncertainty. Why is Magnus slowly falling apart?

Seeing him so strangled, all the demonic poison that fuelled his anger from before simmers to nothing. Alec approaches Magnus, unsure, but reaches out anyway.

Magnus jumps ever so slightly as Alec’s fingertips touch his skin, looking to his hand as they begin to fold together. The touch isn’t one for Alec, it’s for Magnus. Just having that contact seems to soothe the fire at the tips of Magnus’ fingers, letting his own hand grip a little back. And then his voice, deep yet calming appears.

“It's ok, Magnus,” Alec smiles as Magnus turns to look at him, moving a thumb over the back of his hand. “whatever happens, I’ll be ok. _We -_ will be ok.”

_My head is haunting me and my heart feels like a ghost,_

_I need to feel something,_

_‘cause I still feel so far from home,_

Words have so much power, and what Alec says grips his heart. Even if he doesn’t know the extent of what the meeting is, or what concluded from it, he still won’t give up on him. Magnus can’t say that about his other lovers from before, so he can confidently say Alec is the first to ever say that. To call Magnus and his partner _we,_ a _team_ that will ultimately stay together until the bitter end. For them, infinity doesn’t have an end, as that can only come from their own wishes and desires. Their love will only end if one of them decides it so, and from then on, the blanket that holds them together will remain apart, waiting to be sewn back together by hands that _want_ to be together.

Thankfully, the theoretical blanket is still there, weak, but there. Alec and Magnus both know the weight of decisions, especially how much that weight can curve what happens to Magnus and his people. It’s always a downward spiral, leading one bad thing to another. Alec can’t stop that spiral because he’s the reason all of this is happening, and he ultimately feels the guilt for everything, especially Magnus’ sadness as he looks away. The touch is welcome, but Magnus is fighting it. He doesn’t want to feel that ache ripping him apart, the side that wants to take care of Alec, and the side that feels like losing his voice.

Alec lets go slowly, Magnus keeping his hand suspended and staring at it. Taking a few seconds to breathe, Alec moves in front of him, taking the portal first back to the apartment, forcing Magnus to follow. He knows if he steps through that portal, it’s one step closer to breaking his heart, letting Alec go.

Magnus doesn’t even know how he’ll react, or how much he’ll deny the statements. There might be blood, there might be tears, but ultimately - will they still be together by the end of it?

Once inside his apartment, Magnus shuts the portal behind him, taking a deep breath that resonates a small hum inside his chest. Alec has his back turned to him, still holding the teddy in one hand. He brings it up to hug with both, thumb playing with the black stitched nose of it. Magnus looks on, seeing how _human_ he looks compared to the voices in his head. His wings sit dormant against his back, scared of opening up to the rather chilly air of the apartment.

_Cross your heart and hope to die,_

_Promise me you'll never leave my side,_

Silence remains for another minute, the two lovers staring at each other as Alec turns around with unknown questions. Alec wants to wait for Magnus, to give him time, but he also just wants to scream. Alec wants to know what they said to make him sad, to have fear rising like smoke from the tips of his fingers. And Magnus wants Alec to speak up, to make him believe the Alec they talked about back at the institute isn’t the one standing in front of him. Deep down, he knows it has to be himself, that Magnus has to speak up first to lead the conversation. After all, this entire event was mainly on Magnus’ timetable, and Alec is completely in the dark. It didn’t make it any easier to start speaking though.

As the moon calls ownership of the sky, Magnus parts his lips to speak, but Alec beats him to it.

“You found out,” he squeezes the bear gently in his hands, watching the fur shift and mould to follow the shape. “about who I really am.”

Alec guessed it himself, and the way he looks at Magnus says he knows the pain coming his way. Those hazel shards he’s seen up close, they’re fading, losing the saturation Magnus gave them over the weeks Alec and Magnus have known each other. He already admits defeat, as if whatever they told Magnus will be negative, no matter what.

“They told me what you are, but not until I denied everything else I knew about you,” Magnus brings his hands together, remaining where he is a few steps away from Alec. “and I didn’t want to leave without knowing what they have about you. I know it changes things, but I needed to see what they know in order to help you.”

“Help me?” Alec questions, frowning a little, “How is believing the Clave going to help me _or_ you? It’ll only help build a rift between us.”

Magnus can see this isn’t going to be easy. He can even sense his wards shaking a little from the growing presence inside, and that was Alec, his demonic blood beginning to boil at what he hears.

“Alec, what they told me is horrific, who you were, they labelled you worse than Valentine.” Magnus’ words sink hatred into Alec, his hand clenching more around the bear he holds.

“Worse than Valentine?” As he says it himself, the grip around the bear loosens, his eyes suddenly feeling heavy and every ounce of happiness draining from his body.

If this was true, even though he doubted it since this information was from the Clave, then Alec was a monster worth the fall to Edom after all. The moment Magnus sees this realisation, he steps back as Magnus takes one step closer.

_'Cause I'm telling you you're all I need,_

_I promise you you're all I see,_

_“No, I-”_ he brings the bear to his chest, and the image Magnus can see of him ultimately breaks him. He takes another step closer. _“I’m not_ that person now, _I swear.”_

“I can’t decide, Alec. I can’t decide if this is true or fake, and there’s no way I can know that until we learn more about you.”

“Why care about my past? You can’t change it, and neither can I. Why focus on something that doesn’t mat-”

“It matters to _me.”_ Magnus raises his voice, causing Alec to become stunned and forget entirely what he was speaking about.

“Why?” Is all Alec can say, searching from one of Magnus’ eyes to the other. He can feel his lungs caving in.

“Because I care about you.” Magnus can’t say those words without his voice breaking, because he never wanted to admit it out loud until he was ready. Now, it feels like he’s falling apart, that every strength his heart has gained over these past few weeks is collapsing.

Magnus has to say it before he can’t anymore, and Alec can feel his heart bruise and swell at the same time. There’s silence until Alec speaks up.

“Show me,” he places the teddy down on the spine of the chair, giving it one last look before stepping closer to Magnus. “show me what they told you.”

This is what Magnus dreads, letting Alec see the damage he supposedly made to the world. But he owes it to him, especially if it’s Alec’s past and not his own. He’s hesitant, but Magnus reaches into his pocket and pulls out the offending document.

Alec takes it gently, almost as if the paper will shock him or burn his skin upon touching it. His eyes immediately turn cold in colour as he reads, skipping the bold letters at the top that speak his supposed real name.

Each word feels like an arrow through his chest, the damage already being done. Magnus continues to look at him, watching the way the hazel seems to drain to a red the more he reads. Even if he denies what’s written, just the thought of it being true absolutely _haunts_ him.

Now he knows why Magnus looks so fearful.

He’s a monster.

_'Cause I'm telling you you're all I need,_

_I'll never leave,_

Alec lets the paper fall to the floor, swaying as it fights the air resistance. It settles at his feet, Alec not moving as the words on the paper feel like he’s being burned all over again in the embers of Edom. He looks frightened, looking to the floor, breath shaking as he looks up to Magnus a few heavy breaths later.

If it’s true, then Alec can see the reason why Magnus wouldn’t want to be with him anymore, past or not.

What’s written on that file speaks horrors. Torment, nightmares. He’s committed crimes worse than that of Valentine, and his goal to wipe out all supernatural seems farfetched, but a goal that would alarm the angels above no doubt.

One thing that doesn’t add up, is his name. He isn’t called Alec on that paper, he’s called something completely different. And Alec _knows_ his name is Alec, it’s the only thing they allowed him to keep, and it’s the only thing stopping him from believing what’s on that paper.

“That isn’t me. I don’t - _I don’t_ _want it to be me.”_ Alec’s voice is breaking, and tears threaten to fall.

Magnus takes another step closer, wanting to reach out, but he can see the way his hands are trembling with caged anger, not sadness. “They’re _lying.”_

“We don’t know that-”

“So you’re siding with them?” Alec can’t even frown, his heart is too torn to even convey and control his emotions.

“I’m not siding with anyone, I must do what I feel is right for my people.” Magnus can see a flicker of red in Alec’s eyes.

“I thought _I_ was one of those people. How can you believe these people when they got the _one thing_ wrong that I _know_ is right?”

Magnus pauses, wanting to get this correct, because every word he says against Alec seems to be awakening what he’s been trying to keep under control.

“Your name?” Alec nods, not taking his eyes off his lover. “How do you know?”

“It’s the only thing I could remember. Everything else was gone.” Alec turns around, showing his back to Magnus as he tries to walk off the fury sparking in his bones. It wasn’t towards Magnus, it was towards the Clave.

“Alec,” Magnus stops the demon in his tracks, but he doesn’t turn to look at him. “I’m not saying this is true. I’m saying it could be a possibility. There’s no way I’ll ever turn my back on you until this is proven.”

Alec lifts his head a little, but something has clicked inside. Something is calling back, the demon’s fingers no longer trembling as the room remains cold.

“But they aren’t wrong, are they?” Alec speaks up, but it’s a voice spoken from complete sadness. He’s given up, almost, quick enough to let himself down and quick enough to seem utterly stupid to other people.

But when Magnus is the only thing he really holds dear, what will he do? Alec can’t be alone again, it’s the one fear he never wants to admit, but he can feel it deep down gnawing its way back to his brain.

“What?” Magnus can’t complete what he means, but the veins he can see growing up Alec’s arm catch his breath.

“I’m still a monster,” Alec turns, revealing glowing red eyes, shards of orange and yellow cutting through deep hues. “and no matter how much you believe or don’t, it’s a reality.”

Veins of red and black sprout from the sides of his eyes, even some crawling up his arm and pulsing. Magnus has never seen his eyes so vibrant in power, and the only time that could compete with them, is when the Soul Sword was being pointed straight at him. That memory still hurts, but everything that happened afterwards has slowly drowned that image out.

But now, it’s stronger than ever.

“Alec, I’m not saying you are-”

“But I am, aren’t I?” He takes a step closer, Magnus seeing a tear roll down Alec’s cheek in the process of speaking. “All I’ve ever done is make your life more complicated, messy. I am nowhere near the level you deserve.”

Magnus doesn’t want to listen to this self-hatred, taking a step back as Alec continues to get closer.

As he hits the pillar to the edge of his kitchen, the previous place where they’ve kissed before, Magnus feels like he can’t breathe.

Alec is hurting, and the demonic energy spills from his body, the heavy weight making the magic plummet to the ground and crawl like a shadow across the floor. But the demon hasn’t taken over.

This is Alec.

He’s finally letting the pain go.

“I’ve been so selfish. I wanted you from the beginning, I _needed_ you, but I was never meant to be with you.” He doesn’t trap him against the wall, because he can feel his chest bruising. Alec crutches over, fighting the demons inside to stay in as he pours his heart out. “I can’t ever stop this pain, I can’t help you get away from this. But there is a way, and that’s if you put me ba-”

 _“No!”_ Magnus shouts, pushing himself from the wall as Alec drops to his knees. “I’m never sending you back, I _can’t.”_

Alec heaves as the hunger inside punches at his throat. It takes a few heavy breaths to continue speaking. “You can’t or y-you won’t?”

“Both,” he watches Alec’s expression change. His breathing calms, even though his body is still at war. “I can’t, because sending you back would be giving up. It’d be giving up on us, on you. You’ve come so far in being a better person, and I won’t send you back because of a piece of paper.”

Slowly, Alec stands, hand grasping the shirt he wears by his heart. He can feel it bruising, becoming increasingly harder and harder to thump. His red eyes remain, but they hold less strength in them. The veins still pulse, almost as if they’re the cause of the headache in Alec’s head.

“How could you ever love me,” he breathes, catching Magnus off guard. “How could you ever love what I am? Look at me.”

And Magnus does. The tears mix with red, the glow of his eyes so demonic that Magnus swears he can hear voices emit from them. Blackened veins grip his skin, missing the weapon they connect to in his hand, moving like a gradient up the surface of his arm. His wings are dark as night, but they still hold that little shimmer of hope, that comforting blue in the delicate feathers.

As a person who enjoys the little things, the details – Magnus can see Alec very differently to what the demon thinks he does.

“I could ask you that same question, how could you love me? We’re both equally monsters in our own right.” Magnus, frowning, takes a step closer so he can place a hand over Alec’s that grips his chest.

Immediately, Alec can feel the pain weakening, the shadows that threaten to claim him again falling back to his feet.

“I would never call you that,” Alec replies, voice but a whisper in the darkness of the apartment. “You’re so much more than just a title.”

Magnus squeezes his hand, smiling as Alec’s tears no longer seem to be falling. “I still care about you, Alec. I just need time - _we -_ need time. No jumping ahead or thinking everything is over until it is.”

Alec can see sense in that, but he doesn’t want to spend time away when he could be here, protecting him. Ever if Omamori stays here, Alec himself isn’t. He wants to be able to hold him in the mornings, to kiss him goodnight after a long day. Alec just wants to be his lover, everything in and around that word.

“How long?”

_So you can drag me through hell,_

_If it meant I could hold your hand,_

“As long as I have to wait until I know you’re safe, and that you are who you are right now,” Alec still visibly cringes at that, forcing himself to look down and away from the brown warmth of his eyes.

“I want you to be safe, too,” Alec speaks back, hand letting go of his shirt and letting it hold Magnus’ hand instead. He looks at the way their hands fit perfectly, the black veins that take hold of his skin fading away like ink in water because of his lover’s touch. “you mean so much to me, Magnus. More than just a second chance, you’re my life now. I owe it to you and _want_ to be the lover you deserve and need. And I know I can’t be that right now, we need time.”

Magnus slowly nods, happy that Alec seems to be warming up to figuring this out once and for all. But to see Alec moving his hand to Alec’s heart, it reminds him of when Magnus said those words.

Alec may never get the chance again.

“I need you here too,” Alec places Magnus’ hand over Alec’s heart, hearing the hitch in his breath as Magnus remembers himself saying that. “I never got chance to say it before, I’m sorry.”

Looking inside those ember imbued eyes, Magnus can’t see the evil in them anymore. The demon will always be part of him, and even though the red shows his weakness, he’s never seen something meant to be so evil shine so brightly.

“I’ll always be here,” now it’s Magnus’ turn to squeeze his shirt a little, Alec feeling the grounding pressure over his heart, “no matter what happens.”

Alec begins to breathe easier, shoulders loose and no longer stiff from pain or sadness. Magnus’ little smile makes him smile, and just like that, the red of the demon in his eyes slowly bleeds away. The primal power that once commanded him subsides again.

Magnus has always been the one to make him feel whole again.

Placing a hand at the back of his neck, Magnus brings him in, forehead to forehead as they take the time to be in each others company. The warmth they feel, the safety. They still need time to figure this all out, but one thing is for sure, that they both deeply care and love one another.

“In my heart,” Magnus’ lips brush his as he speaks, but keeps his composure. “I know you aren’t what they say you are. You have already proven to me you’re so much more than blood and bone, you can _feel,_ and you want to be here. You want to be with me,”

Alec sniffs, closing his eyes and tilting his head slightly. “I do, so much. Words can’t explain how much I care about you.” Alec lets go of Magnus’ hand, holding his arms around his lover’s waist and pulling him closer. He hugs him, keeping their faces close, noses brushing together as they whisper to each other.

“That’s all the strength I need to keep going. To know you’ll wait for me, that you’ll do whatever it takes. You’re dedicated, a leader, a lover - and I can’t let you go.” Magnus uses the hand not on Alec’s heart to pull him in by the back of his neck, placing one heart thumping kiss onto the demon’s lips. Just one.

Alec’s heart sings again, fingertips gripping the shirt behind him as the hug continues.

“You said to never give up on you, Magnus,” Alec kisses his cheek where a tear falls, nuzzling into the skin there as Magnus listens closely, his entire world blinded except for Alec. That memory hurts, but it’s one that Magnus can look back on and remember how strong Alec is now, “and I never will. Just don’t give up on me.”

Nodding, Magnus finally lets his head fall into Alec’s neck, thumb tickling the edge of Alec’s jawline. Alec hugs him tight, kissing the top of his head.

_I will follow you 'cause I'm under your spell,_

_And you can throw me to the flames,_

Alec knows they have to part ways.

Magnus knows he doesn’t want to.

But they both know it’s the right thing to do, even if their hearts scream out to never let go.

Alec knows there will be limited time to see Magnus from the notes at the bottom of the sheet, the increased watch to see if Alec ever turns up.

Oh how he wishes he could, so that he could punch anyone who dares accuse Magnus of working on the wrong side. There is no wrong side, just the side that wants nothing but to spread hatred and evil. That evil - is what Alec _was._

For what he is now, Alec is a mess. He’s this blend of human emotions his demonic shell doesn’t like to hold. But with Magnus, he’s learning to accept them slowly, to slowly piece the parts of his puzzle back together. Magnus doubts he’ll ever recover his past, so making one worthy of remembering, that’s one of his many goals.

As Alec holds him, that information the Clave gave Magnus about Alec seems like nothing but a bribe to get him on their side. But he’s soon realising that even if it were true, why would he have been given a false name as something to remember? If the Clave had nothing, then pulling stunts like this to try and crawl their way back into the good books of the Downworlders, Magnus finds them truly sickening.

“Catarina is offering you time after her work to see if we can help your memories. I have little hope, but I know Catarina will be able to do something to help in some way.” He rubs the side of Alec’s neck, Alec feeling little tingles from the cold rings on his fingers.

“And I’ll make sure to visit,” he shushes Magnus’ complaints with his own laughter, and it’s good to hear. _“when_ the patrol gets lazy.”

Magnus hums, placing a kiss to the side of his neck, similar to the first one Alec ever gave him.

And that has Alec thinking.

“Magnus?” he says it like a question, but his voice is so soft and deep that it doesn’t worry Magnus at all.

Magnus leans back so he can see his face, Alec removing one hand from Magnus’ back to his jaw, holding him gently. “Hmm?”

“I want you to remember something,” Alec finds it ironic he tells Magnus that, since he can’t remember most of his life himself. However, this is something he wants to say, something he’s been wanting to say for a few days. “and you don’t have to accept it.”

Each passing second fuels Magnus’ heart louder, searching from one fresh hazel eye to the other.

“I want you to remember, that the Alec I am _now,_ will _always_ love you. No matter what.”

400 years seems so long when those words finally grace his ears. Magnus releases a sigh that feels as old as time itself, gripping Alec’s shirt a little tighter as the dam breaks behind his eyes.

Alec _loves_ him, and he wants Magnus to _remember_ it for the Alec he is _now._ He wants to tell Magnus just in case his past is as haunting as the Clave wants it to be. But he’s not going to let that stop him from confessing what he feels right now to the only man he’s ever loved, and will love. Even if his demonic side takes over, even if Magnus decides he can no longer be with him because of that past - then the Alec that Magnus loves now, is also in love with him. That feeling is so _overwhelming_ that he has to close his eyes for a moment, letting those words wrap around him as Alec patiently waits his reaction. From how Magnus shakes a little, Alec knows his words have made an impact. He can even hear his heart, the usual rhythm he’s heard before as Magnus sleeps increasing tenfold. His body begins to feel more alive, nourished by words he never thought he would hear from Alec.

_Come sink into me and let me breathe you in,_

_I'll be your gravity, you be my oxygen._

How silly it is to look back at when they first met. Smirks and deals, to now embracing warmth and heartfelt love. A story for time itself, yet a secret to the entire world.

Magnus can’t hold back his will to kiss him, and so he does. He moves both hands to Alec’s face, letting their foreheads touch for a moment, and then kissing his own love back as their lips connect. It feels like years since they last kissed, especially with such a young fire, a sparking one that ignites in sequence, a chemical reaction that tells their hands to move - to touch - to _hold._

Alec hums into his mouth, placing his hands back on the warlock’s waist as they embrace in the middle of his apartment. It’s just them, heart to heart and soul to soul.

Needing to breathe, not only from the kiss but the emotions and tears that squeeze his lungs, Magnus parts from Alec’s lips.

And when he opens his eyes, he sees those striking hazel shards stare back at him once more, that warm autumn he’s come to love so much. The same could be said for Magnus’ eyes, as Alec can fall into them, be consumed by the strength and comfort they hold in the brown of their colour. Even more so, the boldness and beauty of them, even behind the makeup as Alec has seen before.

He can’t wait for the days he wakes up next to him, to see Magnus’ true beauty and not covered by makeup. Alec wouldn’t say he’s hiding behind it because Magnus wants to express himself. Magnus wants to _feel_ beautiful. Alec will make sure he feels that even when glitter is absent from his face.

A fingernail tickles along Alec’s stubble as their foreheads bump again, breathing each other in as the moon watches through the windows of the apartment.

“Why would I ever not accept that, Alec,” he brushes a thumb under the demon’s eye, wondering if the veins that pulsed there earlier were still there, hiding. “in my 400 years, I’ve never wanted to listen to my heart as much as when I’m with you.”

Alec smiles brightly, lifting his face from the many muscles that work to make that smile.

“And you’re a man worthy of those years, Magnus,”

“What do you mean by that?” Magnus can’t see the positivity in that, from how those years have been consumed by work or negativity. Bad outweighs the good, and even though he tries to drown it out, they will always be there in the back of his mind.

“I may not know much, but I know life is fucking hard,” that makes Magnus laugh a little, but Alec’s words don’t stop, “and that could’ve made you a cruel person, someone who wants to inflict pain because you’ve suffered it yourself,”

Every word feels like an extra hug, a compliment to say how special Magnus truly is. He’s never seen it from this point of him, and it astonishes him how quickly Alec is learning about the world, and how quickly he can compare that to Magnus.

“Yet you choose to help people, you choose to be the best you can be for the benefit of the people that look up to you. Magnus, this is why I said no one will ever be good enough for you, because you truly are so unique, so fucking _incredible_ that nothing will ever compare. Nothing will ever replace you.”

Rubbing a thumb just under Magnus’ eye as a tear falls, he finally let’s that final wall around his heart fall and crumble,

It crashes against the floor, shattering like glass, shattering like his heart would time and time before. But this time, his heart isn’t shattered, it’s beginning to _heal._ After all these years of holding it gently, trying to piece it back together with the small achievements in day to day life – now he can have someone to help him.

As Magnus pieces Alec’s puzzle back together, Alec will help repair Magnus’ heart. He’s not giving it away, no, but he’s allowing someone to know it exists, letting it love something and letting his heart thump freely.

For the first time, in a long time, Magnus feels like Magnus. And even though that part of him has to leave before the first Shadowhunter patrol gets here, knowing he has Alec for as long as they survive is enough.

Magnus kisses him again, and this time, he doesn’t let go. He continues to move his lips against Alec’s for as long as his brain blocks out time, for as long as Alec pulls him closer as their bodies embrace.

And as they break apart a minute later, the silent little pop of lips parting, their tired eyes stare one last time for that day at each other.

Smiles are shared, little gestures moving and brushing skin.

 _“Thank you,_ Alec.”

Alec leans forward, placing a gentle kiss to Magnus’ forehead, one that lasts a few seconds before pulling back. A hand brushes through the hair at the back of Magnus’ head, Alec bringing him closer so he can lean on his chest.

His wings move out slowly, their size increasing a small amount, fed by moonlight and the overwhelming love blooming in Alec’s heart. They move around, just touching Magnus’ shoulder blades as they stay there, hugging.  From where the teddy sits, you’d see two lovers embraced in eternal love, moonlight framing their bodies with an angelic glow. Wings that would be no use in protecting them due to their young age, but the way they fold and try to hug Magnus, to protect him, it has Magnus reaching out to brush his fingers through them. Alec has his hands reaching up his back, placed on his shoulder blades and rubbing his thumbs over that gorgeous blue shirt of his.

If you took a picture, it would be timeless.

Because even if they break apart, and even if that picture is never recreated again – their love will always be like that. A warm cocoon, a mix of angel and demon, some human too.

Take away all that supernatural blood, those powers that desire for sins, or powers that can conjure the most powerful of demons – they are humans that still have a power, and that’s the love they share.

Those supernatural powers however, can also create the most calming of birds from Magnus’ very hands, or Alec can take the nightmares from a struggling child so that they can sleep in peace.

Alec is the first to break away, letting his hands brush over his shirt as they leave. Magnus looks at him, smiling with the subtle trails of previous tears down his face. Magnus can’t say those words back, not yet, even though his heart screams for him to do so. For Alec, he said it now because he never wants to take a chance that what the paper says is true. He wants Magnus to remember who he is now, the Alec that would buy him crappy tourism shirts and fresh coconuts from the palms of Hawaii.

But to his core, Alec was a warm hearted person. He’ll read stories, and he’ll tell his own with confidence. Magnus thinks about what Alec could be in the future, what he could be specifically _with_ Magnus. A family, perhaps. Omamori and Chairman are already part of their little family, so who says they can’t add to that?

With a thought like that, Magnus takes Alec’s hands and squeezes them, stepping back. It’s so hard just to _let go,_ when the love of your life is _right there._

Omamori runs back in, Alec letting go of Magnus’ hands to catch the pup that leaps into the air, right into his arms. The smile that beams on Alec’s face is much better than the tears Magnus saw earlier, and as he watches him comfort the pup, he can’t help but see this image again in the future.

“Be a good girl for Magnus, hmm?” she grumbles happily as Alec scratches behind her ear, her little foot kicking out multiple times.

Magnus chuckles, stroking her small nuzzle and poking her nose. Just the image of Alec, a deemed monster capable of anything if he puts his mind to it - holding a small puppy and smiling brightly at her. He can’t help but image a child, holding them in his arms, or sitting on his shoulders at a theme park to see the displays.

Perhaps they could be that one day, a normal couple. If they can’t, then Magnus doesn’t mind this, their little family they have now. As long as their hearts are intact, that’s all that matters.

Alec hands Omamori back to Magnus, knowing this is the last few seconds to see Alec before they part. He knows he’ll be at Catarina’s, and maybe even Maia’s - but he won’t be here for god knows how long. Christmas is coming, and he truly hopes they can break whatever curse lurking over them in the next few weeks.

“I’ll see you soon, High Warlock,” he winks, similar to how he did on the first night they talked, the night of the deal that got them where they are now. “don’t have too much fun without me.”

Hearing the slight quake in his voice, Alec steps back, his wings folding in and disappearing inside the frame of his body.

“Wouldn’t wish to, not without you,” he takes hold of Omamori’s little paw, waving with it towards Alec that has the pup looking a little confused. “and Alec?”

Just as Alec was about to jump out through the balcony, Magnus stops him, looking over his shoulder to see the man standing in the middle of his apartment.

“Be careful.”

Alec smiles, giving him a small nod, and then turns back. “You look amazing, by the way. I was wrong the first time when I said red suits you,” Alec doesn’t know Magnus kept that exact note, hiding in a warded draw along with his old jacket. He kept them because if something went wrong, he could track him. Plus, he planned to give his jacket back for his birthday, if he ever found out the date.

“Hmm?” Magnus isn’t quite sure if he’s trying to be mean to dull his own pain, but he’s not clear with where he’s going with this.

“Every colours suits you, you’re beautiful.” Giving a little wink towards him, Alec disappears through the balcony doors, moonlight claiming the floor again where Alec’s shadow once was.

Taking the words, he holds them close, closing his eyes as he hugs Omamori towards his neck. And the pup just lays there, eyes fluttering against Magnus’ neck as she falls asleep. Her small whistles are like a small melody, finding comfort in someone else other than Alec.

He can’t help but think this is different this time. When Alec said he might never get the chance to see him before, it felt like a goodbye in the back of his mind. But now, with their love in plain sight, illuminated by their will and want to have this relationship, Magnus knows this is no goodbye.

Maybe it’s time to trust his heart, for what feels like the first time in forever, blocking out the other sources that control him.

Alec’s listening to his _heart._

And now Magnus is too. For Alec _and_ himself.

A few minutes later, when Magnus heads to bed, he finds a black note sitting next to his bedside lamp. Immediately, he knows it’s Alec, and it doesn’t take him a while like before to reveal the red ink. Shining his own red magic onto the card, the words reveal themself in his hand writing.

_‘i know you dont need me to protect you, and i know i basically have my dog looking after you - but ill watch over you. ill always be there when you need me most_

_from your unusually handsome demon friend, alec x’_

Placing the note back onto the bedside table, Magnus smiles. His own guardian angel, or _demon._ But Magnus can’t see that anymore, that demonic side to him, and the Clave’s so called _information_ on Alec seemed nothing more than a bribe.

If they didn’t have the one thing Alec knows correct, then Magnus would have never given the rest a chance. Perhaps, if there wasn’t a Shadowhunter patrol on the way, Magnus would be enjoying another night hugging Alec.

The fact Alec knows Magnus doesn’t need protecting, yet he chooses to do so because he _wants_ Magnus to know he doesn’t have to hold his head high for eternity. There’s a shoulder to lean on if he ever needs it, or he can have a day where he doesn’t need to be the High Warlock. He wants to, of course, but having that option to just relax, to let his head fall on Alec’s shoulder when he needs comfort - that makes him feel safer, yet at the same time not treated like a child.

Alec has never tried to take away his freedom. He could be selfish and ask him to run away, to ignore everything just so they could be together, but Alec doesn’t. He allows Magnus to think about things, staying by his side and letting him make the decisions like a leader should, Alec stepping in when he wants to voice his opinion. This whole ordeal could probably be avoided if Magnus did run away with him, but Alec would deny it. He knows Magnus has an important role here, and that Magnus wants to be here for the people he’s made promises to.

Alec is giving them time already, and Magnus can see that now. He’s always been waiting, always been allowing Magnus to control the aim of the game.

Now it’s time to take those reigns and make something happen, so Magnus _and_ Alec can finally be _Magnus and Alec._

Either way, the blanket threads that were holding on by one single strand, now hold each other tightly, slowly becoming complete again.

And just like Alec’s wings, and Magnus’ healing heart, the blanket will continue to change and form new threads – to make their own story. Letting go is never easy, but they’re letting go of their haunting pasts in order to make room for memories they want to keep. Alec has no choice, but he’s come to terms with that he’ll perhaps never know.

One day at a time, for as long as immortality will last. And even then, their love will join the burning stars in the sky.

This isn’t a goodbye, it’s the beginning of another chapter. One where Alec will find peace with his demons, and Magnus will learn to love in a way he never thought he would.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song was Follow You by Bring Me the Horizon - wasn't the original song I was going to use, as I've saved that one for another chapter :) there's a lot of 'hell' and 'flames' in this fic, so I thought that song fit the most, let me know what you think!
> 
> hope you're still enjoying this story! and if people can spot the Echo of the Sky reference, you get bonus points ;) (i totally need to edit that fic it's so bland at the start yIKES)
> 
> are you ready for cheesy malec? because I AM
> 
> see you next update!!
> 
> thanks to Lisa for reading this one through again!


	13. Tu Me Manques

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonjour! chapter 13 here! lots of updates - BUT! If you don't care about that stuff, here are the warnings straight away:
> 
> // W A R N I N G S ! ! ! - Fake main character 'death', violence, a little nsfw
> 
> this is quite a big one, just over 28k - and I can say that this is part 1 of 3 of the CHRISTMAS CHAPTERS! Yes, this is how delayed the chapters are because of you lovely people encouraging me to write more and more. They might all be this long for the Christmas chapters, and I can say halfway through writing 14 that this is most certainly the case. (it was originally meant to be just one christmas chapter, look what you guys have done to me!)
> 
> ALSO! The lovely [Nyxx](https://twitter.com/nyxxart) wanted to do some art for this fic and I LOVE IT SO MUCH! I gave her a sneak peak of this chapter so they could draw something as a chapter cover, and it's amazing!! Please go check them out, they deserves all the love!
> 
> this marks the beginning of Izzy and Maia's relationship! so if you ship that, merry christmas? if you don't then they aren't that focused on until later chapters - but they do have an important role overall with Alec and Magnus' journey :')
> 
> swordsman now also has a [spotify playlist!](https://open.spotify.com/user/obsidiayan/playlist/61uYiatFQVska794UTOi2C?si=R19Psf7lTM25rXtFcnhE7w)! these are the songs that have been in chapters or inspired the story at one point or another, enjoy! it may be updated in the future :) it's filled with multiple genres!
> 
> as usual, tag #ODSfic for me to see your reactions if you post any! i love you all, thank you so much for the support!

Lights dance around the floor of the club, a mix of purple and blue hues shaping over the bodies of various people. Music thumps around the building, the pure power of the bass enough to shake glasses that aren’t held by hands. The vibrating vocals of the latest song to hit the dance charts resonates in the chest of everyone present, the lights matching the various beats and drops in the song. Alcohol is flowing freely, seelies, vampires, werewolves and mundanes all in the same space from the power of music.

A small mist flows through the air, a magic that calms the worries of people here, an experience to forget the heavy week and days that have come before.

Tonight is about dancing, singing along to the music and not caring if that attractive woman or man hears you from across the room. Some people are here to meet someone else, and some wait in the wings with a sparkling cocktail in hand. Others simply want to spend their money on beverages, to splash out and have fun with a few friends. And then there are the few simply there to get laid, maybe even multiple times in one night.

Magnus can tell these people apart easily, years of running and owning this club under his belt to know the variety of customers that come here.

Magnus’ club, his home away from home - Pandemonium.

On weekends, he usually catches up with how the business is going, turning up in incredibly expensive clothes and treated like absolute royalty. He even has a few mundane fans that need to be held back by bouncers at the door, but it doesn’t give him that little tingle of pride like it used to.

Not when he has his own man to come home to, or look forward to seeing in his case.

As he arrives in style, stepping out the door of a brand new Ferrari 458 Italia, painted in a lush red - the screams of a few fans begin. Magnus waves, throwing his keys to the driver who will take his car to a parking spot for him. Ignoring the fans, Magnus can already feel the thumping bass from outside the venue. It isn’t the grandest of buildings, being hidden away in the streets away from the bustling city life, but it’s a club that looks completely different on the inside.

Two floors decked with expensive decor, mostly reflective to spread those blue and purple hues around the entire establishment. Magnus certainly matches, as the reflective stitching of floral decorations on his black waistcoat shine with a pastel blue. His trousers fit his legs snug, black from top to bottom. They match his pointed black shoes, shiny and reflective as he moves across the floor effortlessly. Black liner frames his eyes, making his eyes even bolder as he scans his surroundings. A finishing touch of blue in his hair, fringe slightly curled to the side that shimmers along with the glitter placed just under his eyes. Dangling earrings he recently purchased are a midnight blue, perhaps inspired by a certain boyfriend’s wings. Also inspired, is the sword cuff that sits on his right ear, gently adjusting it as he walks to the bar.

Maia stands there, dressed in a beautiful dress that frames her figure, empowering each one of her movements. A flower crown sits on the sides of her head, hair curled up into a bun. Her earrings shine under the club’s lights, and so does her smile as she sees Magnus.

“What can I get you, boss?” she leans on the counter, towel placed over her shoulder as she awaits his order

“I’m not up for a drink tonight, my dear,” Magnus replies, taking a seat at the bar and crossing his legs. His shoulders are held high, back arched in a posture that speaks royalty and power, “I’m here to ask about Alec.”

“Ahh,” Maia clicks her tongue, standing straight again. “the boyfriend. No interest in asking about me today?”

As Maia walks down the side of the bar to deal with a new customer, Magnus chuckles and taps his fingers against the marble top.

“Of course, and asking about your day is your girlfriend’s job,” he winks, having Maia shake her head in response, handing the customer his drink and taking the payment. “is it not?”

“Isabelle is busy at the Institute again,” her sigh makes Magnus feel for her. “Some increased demon activity, hopefully she can still make our date weekend.”

That has Magnus raising a brow, leaning forward as his interest peaks.

“Date weekend?”

“Yes,” the smile on Maia’s face, along with her little happy shuffle makes Magnus smile even more than he already is. It was nice to see her so happy and in love, “I’m surprising her with what mundanes call a _fancy restaurant_ near the seafront.”

Magnus smirks, exhaling an ‘oooo' that has Maia blushing a little. But the werewolf isn’t having it, rolling her eyes and heading towards another customer.

Isabelle’s and Maia’s relationship is fairly new, but they seem to get along more than Magnus thought they originally would. They match each other well, both fierce and strong to the point where they can hold their own against anyone. Men _and_ women both want to be their other half, but the most beautiful and independent women this side of the Shadow world ended up dating _each other._

If that isn’t a massive kick to the face to their admirers, then Magnus doesn’t know what is. After the whole Alec thing, the four got closer in a combined effort to protect him. From that, Isabelle and Maia were frequently seeing each other, and eventually, four days ago, they started dating.

Magnus admits, they’re a kick ass couple.

Not as much as himself and Alec though, but he could be biased.

“Well, since you want to know about Alec,” Magnus brings his attention back to Maia as she speaks up again, “why don’t you ask him yourself?”

He doesn’t catch on until Maia looks behind him, smile growing on her face, chuckling to herself.

It couldn’t be.

Turning around in his chair, his eyes ignored _everyone,_ immediately locking eyes with the love if his life.

There he was, walking towards him through the crowd, bomber jacket worn over a plain grey shirt that traps his chest. Magnus’ eyes continue down, spotting his usual black skinny jeans and flat shoes.

And Magnus meets him halfway, lifting from his seat and catching Alec’s face with his hands. Alec goes to whisper a hello, but he’s not given the chance to. His lips meet the demon’s slowly, admiring the little hum that comes from Alec’s failed hello.

People near the bar look at them, and nearly all of them just ignore the couple’s display of affection. Then there are some that are royally jealous of Alec, that _he_ of all people gets to date _Magnus Bane._

Alec spots one of them, watching them scoff at him and continue to look even though they don’t want too. Not if Alec can do anything about it.

Brushing his hands over his waist, Alec brings Magnus closer so their bodies collide slowly, closing his eyes with a slight frown to ignore the people watching aside. Magnus brushes his thumbs across his cheeks every time Alec kisses him, their heads tilted ever so slightly to keep a rhythm going. And then he pulls Alec as he turns, placing the demon’s back against the bar.

Maia’s little sigh breaks their daze, having Magnus laugh at Alec’s sleepy and lovestruck expression, entirely focused on the warlock.

“You idiots are blocking my bar, you have an apartment for a reason!” She complains, but it’s all fun and games. Alec doesn’t seem to even hear her, too busy looking into the deep warmth of Magnus’ eyes.

“Technically, it’s _my_ bar,” leaning to the side, he chuckles at Maia rolling her eyes again, hoping to distract the customers at the bar who seem to be keeping their attention on the couple. “I can kiss you here all day long.”

“Well, what I was going to say before I was welcomingly interrupted, was hello, and that you look _incredible.”_

Magnus’ heart misses a beat at the compliment, smiling back warmly at his man. Alec keeps his hands sitting on his waist, gently moving his thumbs over his hip bone that he can feel under that blue shirt.

“I was going for godly, but I guess that will do.” Alec groans at that, letting his head fall into Magnus’ neck, “I’m kidding, you know that.”

Lifting his head again, Alec smirks lazily, placing his forehead against the warlock’s. He takes a deep breath, admiring the small moment of peace even though a loud bass thumps through both of their bodies. In fact, he can feel the song through Magnus, and that makes his heart flutter a little. Lights continue to dance behind them, and every so often, they’ll catch the ear cuff Magnus is wearing.

Alec is one to notice details, especially if they involve Magnus. So when the gold of the cuff shimmers that bit brighter, Alec moves so he can kiss the shell of his ear. Magnus’ head falls to his collar bone, hugging him tighter. The demon’s arms follow, hugging Magnus in return and placing a gentle kiss to the side of his face. Only they could drown out the silence of the music, the screams and roars of people singing the songs played by the DJ.

When it was them, it was _only_ them.

“I miss you.” whispering it to Alec’s shirt, he feels Alec’s body tense a little. Why would he react so… unsure to that? It’s not like he’ll lie about it.

“What?” Alec pulls back, expression one of confusion as Magnus stares back, equally confused as his frown grows.

“Alec, don’t joke with me about this,” he can see Alec turning the gears in his head, but they don’t seem to be catching. “I’m being serious!” Magnus chuckles, but Alec remains confused.

“Wow,” Alec finally snaps out of it, having a little playful smile, “You saw me this morning, babe. Do you miss me _that_ much?”

What?

Magnus never saw him this morning.

In fact, what was he even doing this morning?

Magnus eyes him warily, pressing him thumb a little harder on Alec’s neck to see if he’s real. And he is, but why does he not remember anything except getting out of that car?

“Alec,” he bites his tongue, Alec now becoming slowly worried as Magnus pulls away. “I haven’t seen you in two weeks.”

It all happens so fast, what happens next.

He goes to speak, but Magnus can only hear the crunch of bone and flesh, Alec’s eyes immediately losing their hazel as they explode into a blood red.

Alec gasps for air, hands moving to slowly place on the impact zone, touching the blood that spills from the Soul Sword’s wound in his chest. His fingers shake, almost as if Alec can’t believe what’s happening himself - his defeat.

Magnus can’t breathe, because what he can see is his _worst nightmare._

An arrow is lodged through the centre of Alec’s chest, cracks of orange light growing from the impact zone. It’s a bullseye, straight through the central core of the greater demon.

Magnus can’t move. His feet glued to the spot because of the rules placed by his head. All he can see is Alec fading, Alec _leaving him._

He reaches forward, but his hand phases through Alec’s body like a hologram.

It can’t be real. _It can’t be real._

But Alec’s pained cry, the one that comes directly from the base of his throat, screams louder than the bass of the music. And then it stops, the edges of Magnus’ vision melting like wax, colours blending as they turn black. That black ignites, flames soaring to the ceiling as his feet are glued to the floor.

As Magnus looks towards his defeated lover, the orange cracks grow brighter, spreading up his neck like a heat seeking virus, all the way to his eyes. The life drains from his pupils as his soul is sent back to Edom, and his body begins to fall apart like dry clay.

“Magnus,” is all he can hear, a voice laced with tears of so many pained years. He doesn’t catch what he says next, because Magnus shuts it out.

This isn’t real.

He’s dreaming.

_This is a nightmare._

Placing his hands against his ears, Magnus’ lips tremble, the cry of pain too loud to drown out, and his vision remains dark with his eyes forced closed.

A minute passes, and the sound stops.

If he opens his eyes, will he believe it? Just the thought of seeing Alec as broken pieces, just when he’s started to form himself back together - no, he would never want that. Magnus would be able to protect him, he’d never let Alec go to a place crawling with Shadowhunters.

Silence is never welcome, but now he can’t hear anything besides his own breathing, he’s never appreciated it more. He will not force himself through the pain of losing Alec, he will not let his mind haunt him that way.

A small little sniff, followed by a bark echoes through his ears. It’s muffled by the pillow he sleeps on, but it’s enough to pull Magnus away from the galloping nightmares.

Opening his eyes suddenly, he’s met with Omamori looking down at him, floppy ears dangling down as she tilts her head. She must know he’s in pain, coming straight to his side to protect him because Alec isn’t there. As Magnus doesn’t immediately respond, she nudges her wet nose against Magnus’ cheek, trying to wake him up as her little whines appear.

Magnus pulls out his hand from under the covers, settling it on her side so he can stroke up to the back of her head.

“It’s alright sweetie, I’m ok,” and Omamori doesn’t seem too convinced, plopping down next to his chest and grumbling to herself. “Just a nightmare, only a nightmare…”

His hand goes dormant on her spine, looking across the room to where the door sits closed. For a moment, he imagines it opening, a familiar face walking through to answer Omamori’s cries, but nothing happens. Turning his attention back to the pup as it nudges into his chest for comfort, Magnus can guess as to why she’s so sad. Sensing Magnus’ nightmare, and the loss of Alec, she must feel so alone again like she was before. Even in her pack, she was thrown aside, Alec giving her that chance to be something more than a laughing stock.

Magnus finally pushes himself to a sit after laying on his side, Omamori whining again, but she isn’t for long as Magnus picks her up. He brings her to his chest, letting her head sit just on his collar bone.

“I miss him too.” His gentle movements over her head make Omamori close her eyes, softling whistling through her nose as the close comfort calms her. Omamori isn’t technically a baby, but she still hasn’t come to terms with being without Alec, but knowing Magnus is close to her best friend, she trusts him in return.

She’s intelligent enough to understand Magnus, nuzzling closer to him, as she in turn helps Magnus forget about that haunting nightmare. The warmth of the hellhound soothes him, especially when placed on his heart. His heart won’t ache as much, but it still does, as these two weeks of being apart is absolute _hell._

That’s how he knew that dream wasn’t real. Up until Alec said he saw him that morning, Magnus was in his perfect trance, eventually ripped from it by the haunting images his fear produce. Maia _does_ work at his bar on weekends, but he has no idea if Isabelle and Maia are dating.

What he does know, is that he hasn’t seen Alec in the flesh since Alec spoke his love for him. To this day, those words still repeat, played like a melody his heart moves to, making his smile occur even in the most dreadful Clave meetings. He’ll get regular updates from Catarina as well as Isabelle, but sometimes Alec will text him. Magnus can see it’s hard for him to do so, because every text is more painful than the last. He wants to be there, to talk to Magnus in person instead of through ‘a magical piece of metal’ as Alec angrily called it once.

One thing Magnus worries, is that he hasn’t done much travelling as he usually does. There’s a simple answer for that, but Magnus can’t seem to grasp it. Alec is waiting for him, he wants to experience the rest when he can, to experience it with the man he can plan an eternity with. Alec could always go back, but he doesn’t see the point right now, especially if Magnus is stuck playing a guessing game with the Clave.

The patrol has been ruthless, and Magnus is going to have to complain about his privacy. He _always_ feels watched, and Omamori hasn’t enjoyed that. She’s been the most frightening guard dog the Shadowhunters have ever seen, almost making one of them jump out of his skin as she transformed to her full size. They did question why Magnus had a hellhound, but the growls from Omamori soon made them quiet. Frankly, that may be the reason why he hasn’t seen many come into his apartment, especially since everytime they do, Omamori sticks to them like glue, frowning slightly. Calling her cute is never a good thing, as one Shadowhunters foot might say differently. Thankfully they have supernatural healing.

The Clave threatened to slay her, but Magnus argued against it. He’s done everything to protect her, and now they seem to be finally leaving her alone. But Omamori will still have nightmares, she’ll sit on the window ledge and stare longingly at the streets below. And honestly, Magnus can relate to how alone she feels. He may have friends and places to go, but his heart has been calling for Alec ever since he left. Sometimes, Magnus can’t sleep because he’s worried sick about him, or he’ll be watching something to take his mind of his aching heart - but nothing ever seems to work. It’s not frequent, but eventually it does catch up with him like last night, thrown under galloping hooves that stomp nightmares into him. However, the morning remedy of the sun through his windows makes him a little less tense, relaxed almost. A gentle glow shaped by the blinds paints over the sheets, just stopping at his chin. Maybe he shouldn’t wear the shirt Alec got him to bed most days, because those nights are usually the worst.

Magnus turns his head against the wall, idly looking at his phone and the blank screen. Everyday, Alec will text him, just before or after 10am. That may be the only text he gets that day, but it’s enough to give Magnus that little boost to keep going. Magnus won’t always text back, as most times, he’s too busy thinking about his day ahead to do so, and if he keeps texting him, the ache of missing him grows even stronger. Each time he presses send, it feels like a piece of his heart is being pulled away, then given back to him when the text alert sounds again. He wishes it was easier to text Alec, as it almost feels like some sort of high school crush situation - but less contact means less contact. It’s not like they’ve broken up, but it feels that way when they can’t see each other as often as they’d like. Perhaps seeings it as long distance would make him feel better about it, but Magnus would prefer his other half to be here, to spend time and enjoy life with them. Of course, if they needed to be away, then so be it, but the ache of not having them here was probably worse than heartbreak itself.

As Omamori continues to be content, Magnus decides to continue to lay there, ignoring his morning duties.

But it was interrupted, his phone ringing and dancing, vibration shaking the wood it sits on. The hellhound turns, ears perked as Magnus reaches over.

Isabelle, her profile picture being one at the institute, smiling at the camera.

Answering, he places the phone to his ear, hearing her greetings straight away.

 _“Morning sunshine!”_ Isabelle sounds awake, especially for seven in the morning. _“How’s my favourite demon dater?”_

Magnus sighs, soon chuckling. “Morning to you too dear. I imagine you have some news for me if it’s this early?” Omamori tilts her head ever so slowly, listening to the weird muffled noises coming from the speaker of the phone.

 _“Yes! But how come you think that? Magnus, come on, you know I would talk to you anytime other than about your boyfriend,”_ Magnus can hear her chuckle a little, then the clang of metal. She must be at Catarina’s already. _“but besides that, we managed to successfully gather some DNA from Alec.”_

He sits forward, confusion on his face. “You _have?”_

Ever since Alec has been visiting Catarina, the gang, including Magnus from his own home library, have been trying to figure out how to get a researchable strand of DNA from Alec. His demonic blood makes it hard, dying and destroying itself soon after the blood leaves his body.

_“That’s why I’m up so early. It’s been an absolute pain in my ass to get any sort of progress. It’s been scanning overnight since it’s so complicated, so in a few hours we may have his true identity.”_

“Just like that?”

 _“Well, that’s what we hope. If he was a Shadowhunter, as his runes suggest since we know they’re real, then all I have to do is run it against the Shadowhunter records and see if we get a match.”_ and Magnus sees the immediate problem with that. If his existence was wiped from every textbook, _everything,_ then how would they find him on the system? _“I know it’s slim we find him on there, but we have to try. It may be our only shot.”_

Despite it looking bleak, they at least have _something_ to gain some progress. This is Alec’s chance to find his past, or whatever’s left of it.

“How did you manage to do it?” Magnus asks, pushing the sheet aside to stand up, Omamori settling down back on Magnus’ pillow as he places her there.

_“We had to take samples from multiple parts of his body. It’s ridiculous how much his body requires every little thing to stay together. We took samples from his wings, his scars, his hair - but nothing. The only way we got DNA from Alec, was from the Soul Sword.”_

As he walks through his kitchen, Chairman follows him. The cat hasn’t got along well with Omamori, but they don’t seem to be causing each other any harm. Chairman will always sit and stare from far away if Omamori has Magnus’ attention, fuming from afar that not _only_ did a new man take Magnus’ attention - but his dog too.

Magnus hears his little meow, turning as he shuffles on his blue robe, phone still to his ear. He can’t have it on loud speaker just incase some Shadowhunters barge in, as they usually do. Thankfully Omamori’s presence has kept them far away from doing that.

“How would the sword help you? I know it’s linked to him, but,” he pauses, all the answers suddenly clicking together, the gears finally turning. “from when he fell?”

_“As brutal as it was, it might actually help him get some answers. When he was becoming a demon, the Soul Sword, as you told me, was making Alec suffer for a long time. That means his blood was exposed to the blade for the entire transformation. Magnus, the reason why it looks so demonic is because it absorbed all the power from Alec’s blood, and it coats the surface like a coat. It’s been forged with his own blood, that’s why he’s so connected to it. All we had to do was scan the sword all along, but it didn’t seem that easy at first.”_

It all makes sense now, from why the sword is so attached to Alec, to why it seemingly moves _with_ him. It’s made to be the way it is because of the pain Alec went through, the transformation that threatened to rip his body apart at the seams - now it could be the ticket to his past.

The only thing the angels can’t erase, is the Soul Sword itself.

“Isabelle, you’re a genius,” he places a hand to his face, the smile present there being the first one in a few days. “this could be life changing for him.”

 _“Don’t flatter me, we all did it. We’ve all helped him in some way, and that’s mostly you, Magnus. Without you, we wouldn’t even be at this stage.”_ Magnus can hear the smile through Isabelle’s voice, and he can’t help but feel a little flutter in his stomach.

After weeks of pain, weeks of dodging shadows, Alec might finally have his peace. And that means Magnus can have his too, because he’ll want it with Alec.

“Well, what happens next?” He desperately wants to say something else, that he wants to go and see Alec.

But he can’t. He can’t raise suspicion by going there, as it will put not only Isabelle, but his entire friendship group at risk. Magnus has to wait, and he has to be patient.

 _“Wait for the results. No idea when that’ll happen, but from my knowledge it may be a few hours yet. So,”_ she takes a pause, glasses moving on her side of the phone. _“life as usual for now.”_

Life as usual. Life where they have to hide, where Alec has to hide. Magnus can complain all he wants, but this is the only option they have, _especially_ with such a breakthrough. Up to this moment, Magnus has been waiting for the chance to see the end goal, the freedom he wants Alec to have. Granted, they can’t have exact, full percentage freedom unless the Clave gives him a pass. If that happens, Magnus will and only then - believe that they aren’t all that bad.

But that will never happen, so he’ll continue to hate them.

“How is Alec, is he…?” He can’t keep himself from the question. Magnus needs to know, his _heart_ needs to know.

 _“He’s fine. We haven’t told him about the DNA yet, since he left just before myself and Caterina discovered it. I know he misses you like crazy, and he always asks about you,”_ a smile begins to grow, leaning against the kitchen side as Isabelle continues to speak, _“he’s currently with Maia. Those two are real good friends, partners in crime almost.”_

 _Oh,_ maybe Magnus should ask. Despite Omamori helping diminish the nightmare, the voices still remain, and Magnus has to push past that blood curdling scream to get to what he wants.

“Are you and Maia dating, by the way?” the immediate gasp on the other end makes Magnus a little nervous, maybe he overstepped there.

 _“Dating? Wh- how did you know?”_ she sounds shocked, but not hurt. It calms Magnus when her laughter fills the other end of the phone. _“I can’t believe you know! I thought we were keeping it well hidden, but I guess nothing gets past you.”_

 _“_ My dear, don’t worry. I’m not going to run off and tell people, I’m just sorry that the Clave won’t allow your feelings for a Downworlder,” silence ensues, and if he listens closely, he can hear Isabelle’s little shift in movement from nerves, “don’t let it beat you two, ok? As long as you’re happy, and Maia is, nothing else matters.”

 _“Thank you, Magnus,”_ a comfortable silence this time, but it doesn’t last as long, _“and she was also a factor in trying to save Alec.”_

“Oh?”

 _“Yeah, when Alec stayed over shortly after his summoning, Maia could tell he wasn’t what people made him out to be. She called him a lost child in a man’s body, and that really got me thinking about it. I never understood why you were so determined to help a demon that could ruin your entire reputation, but then I fell in love myself - for real this time.”_ Isabelle pours out lost history, Magnus listening intently and smiling towards the end of her speech. She was the embodiment of good will, a determination to strive to be the best. _“It was only then I could see what love does, and it’s a powerful thing.”_

Powerful, eternal, ethereal. All those and more, because each relationship is different, and each relationship will learn their words one day at a time. Powerful, because love can twist and strengthen actions, to make people stand up for what they truly care about. Eternal, because a _true_ love never dies, and even if that person feels it’s gone, it will always have an everlasting attachment to your heart and soul. Magnus can already feel that for Alec, the ache when he isn’t here, and the healthy, uplifting feeling for when he is. Also, immortality, a gift of an actual infinity with the person you love, and Magnus can have that. He finally won’t fear of being left alone, to mourn his mortal lovers whenever he finds one. However, now, he truly doubts anything will come close to what he feels for Alec. It’s been a bumpy road and not what Magnus totally expected, but love can be found in the most unlikely of places - he just happened to found his true love in the heart of a greater demon.

Frankly, it wasn’t Alec’s choice, and if he had met him before when he was a Shadowhunter, then maybe Magnus would have come around to the thought of trusting Shadowhunters earlier than he has. There’s just something about him, this crazy love that's spawned out of the will to help people, to protect the people they love. Alec was originally helping out to get his freedom, because who could ever love him? Then Magnus came along, strong, elegant, powerful. He was everything Alec inspired to be, he just didn’t expect to fall in love with him on the way there.

Now Alec can’t even see freedom, he sees a future. A future that will give Alec happiness, love, safety, belonging. He’ll have _Magnus,_ he’ll have a reason to smile in the mornings. Alec will build memories, a family - even _dreams._ There would be no more pain, no suffering, no nightmares, no dodging bullets aimed at the center of his chest.

Just him and Magnus, for as long as time will let them.

“Thank you, Isabelle, for believing in Alec,” he can’t contain the happiness soaring through his bloodstream, the adrenaline that’s starting to pile up. They’re so close to the truth, and Magnus can only see past that, to a life where he can have Alec by his side, to never leave again. “and I’m sure you and Maia will have happiness too. We’ll work on change, together.”

_“You’re like family to me now, and I really hope you feel the same. My eyes have opened to so much wrong with the world, not just the Clave. I owe you that, for helping me see the actual good in our people, and what needs to change.”_

“A strong leader like yourself? I see success in your future, especially if love is present in your heart. Trust me, you’ll want to fight for it.” Chairman hops up to the side, gaining Magnus’ attention as he moves a hand to gently stroke his head.

 _“Oh I know, I think I already am,”_ Magnus is glad Isabelle can find her happiness, but it also makes sense why she was so stressed these past few weeks. Trying to lead an Institute, while hiding her secret from the Clave that she doesn’t want kept as a dirty secret - it must hurt. Because it damn well hurts for Magnus, even if he likes the peace and quiet. _“I can see what it’s done for you and Alec, so hopefully we can have some success too.”_

“I for one, will help you and Maia. I’m positive Alec will too, in any way he can.” feeling triumphant, Magnus pushes himself towards his bedroom again, ignoring his initial plan to get coffee or breakfast like he usually does.

Most days, Isabelle would call with no news, mostly checking how Magnus is getting on. Finally though, they have news, actual _good_ news. There was no need to fear about the Clave’s paper being true, or that Alec doesn’t want to know about his family, because he just spent two weeks with them trying to figure it out. Alec truly wears his heart on his sleeve, more than any warrior should, but Magnus has a feeling that it could explain what happened before he fell. If Alec was like he is now back then, Magnus has no doubt in his mind, heart or soul, that Alec wasn’t a criminal. He can’t be - his heart won’t allow it.

 _“That really means a lot, thank you,”_ there’s a small sniff on the other end of the phone, Magnus hearing the happy exchange of tears in her voice. _“and I really hope this can be the start of something for you and Alec. I think after all this crap, you guys deserve a vacation. Maybe even two, maybe even just - getting up and out of here forever.”_

Opening the wardrobe door, he laughs at Isabelle’s annoyed little grumbles. That was an obvious shade towards the Clave at to what she would like to do, but both Isabelle and Magnus were leaders, not people who used power as a way to benefit their own lives. Jokes aside, they clearly know the consequences of just running away like some romantic comedy, holding hands off into the sunset. Life was no romantic comedy, especially theirs.

“What an ideal situation that would be,” he picks out a shirt that’s black, gold etchings of detail mixed with red decorating the sleeves and collar, “and maybe that _can_ happen one day, but let's not get our hopes up.”

_“I will always get my hopes up if it means sitting on a beach, drinking a nice glass of ‘OJ' as the mundanes call it here. Sun in the sky, no clouds… man, that sounds so worth it. Maybe we can plan some sort of group getaway after all this subsides. Who knows when that’ll happen.”_

“You’re making your job incredibly difficult by thinking of the holidays,” Magnus places his chosen shirt down on his bed, Omamori sniffing it cautiously as Chairman jumps up. “but it might be helping you get through the days I imagine.”

 _“You bet, I’m tempted to buy some posters to spice up the office a bit or some more… bright decorations, but I doubt I’ll even get time to do that.”_ Isabelle sighs, leaning over the counter as she watches the scan percentage tick up.

As he finishes gathering his clothes for the day, deciding to do so without magic, Magnus is ready to go for his shower. But he can’t say goodbye to Isabelle just yet, so he stands by his bed, scratching one finger on Omamori’s cheek, just below her eye. Her signature leg kick starts, leaning into the affection as Chairman grumbles beside her.

“Are you cutting yourself thin with this research?”

 _“Just about. I can barely sleep, but I think that’s just everything combined into one.”_ Magnus can hear the tap of her pen against a metal side, eventually stopping as she stands up to go and get her coat.

“Please take care of yourself dear, have the rest of the day off - or, just don’t think about this until the scan is done,” Isabelle is about to argue, but Magnus stops that by speaking gently over her. “do you promise?”

Isabelle bites her lip in thought, brushing a hand through her hair in slight agony. It’ll be hard to ignore this when they’re so close to some sort of finishing line, and turning her full attention to boring duties of filing ‘important' paperwork isn’t exactly appealing.

 _“I can’t promise, but I’ll try,”_ she shuffles on her leather jacket, pulling out her hair from the back, _“and oh! I forgot to tell you.”_

“Yes dear?”

 _“Me and Catarina thought it might be best if you tell Alec the good news. Or well, just news, I suppose.”_ Isabelle doesn’t want to jinx it, but she sincerely hopes it _is_ good news for all of them. Mostly Magnus, he deserves happiness in her eyes.

“I can do that,” it’s a sour feeling that he’ll have to do it over the phone and not in person, because he would _love_ to see that potential smile on his face. “but saddening I’ll have to do it over the phone.”

 _“About that,”_ Magnus frowns, wondering what she’s up to now, _“I’ll be calling some of the Shadowhunters back from your perimeter for a search. Multiple vampire dens are popping up without following the accords. Maia contacted Raphael and apparently they aren’t his doing.”_

“Oh,” Magnus is a little shaken, why does the thought of seeing Alec after two weeks feel so scary? “I’ll check if it’s safe enough first, and Raphael would never be behind dens like that. You can trust him.”

 _“I do. If Maia does as well, then I can’t argue,”_ she chuckles a little, opening the front door to Catarina’s house and locking it on the way out.

There’s a small pause before Isabelle continues.

 _“Don’t worry about Alec, according to Maia, he hasn’t changed at all.”_ Alec has been stopping at Maia’s ever since he left Magnus’ apartment. They’re practically best friends, but Alec still needs to be careful to not get her in trouble again. _“He’s still your Alec from before.”_

Magnus always feared the healing of his body meant the recovery of his past, but he hasn’t changed at all. Catarina texts him saying how confident he’s getting, mostly about his body and believing in himself that this change is good. Of course, he still has that cocky demonic side that jokes and flirts, but he’s ultimately that soft, tender loving Alec that Magnus has fallen for.

Now that he thinks about it, he can’t _wait_ to see him again, and the initial nerves sink to his feet. He can _feel_ the love for gently flowing through his system, his fingers opening the bathroom with a new found strength in his arms.

Today was going to be a good day. He could feel it in his magic, dancing with grace as it slithers under his skin.

“I’m happy, Isabelle.” she’s taken back by that, halting her steps as her heels stop clicking. “I can say out loud that I am. I’m happy, I want to be.”

 _“Magnus, you deserve to be happy! You’re one of the few genuine people in this world. Don’t let it take the happiness from you that you deserve,”_ she starts walking again, Magnus hearing the smile in her voice, _“and when you see Alec today, or tonight, make sure you tell him that too.”_

He’s smiling from ear to ear, and he’s daydreaming about a future as Isabelle’s words guide him through it. It’s a slideshow, mostly shapes and confusing images, but some clearly resemble Alec.

“I will,” as he looks at the open bathroom, he decides to turn around and walk to the window. “and you deserve it too my dear, and I hope Maia loves you as much as you do her.”

_“She does, I’m lucky.”_

“We both are.” Magnus places a fingertip to the window, wiping away a small strip of condensation to reveal the soft, gentle fall of snow. The city is covered in a blanket, the white glow of the snow shining under the city lights as the world wakes up, flickering off. “Merry Christmas, Isabelle.”

 _“Merry Christmas to you too, Magnus. Thank you for making the last part of my year so special.”_ Isabelle has stopped under a flickering street light, the cold not bothering her as much.

Looking down, she cuts her heel through the snow, making a swirl pattern as she finishes the phone conversation.

“Thank you for helping my year become the best so far,” Magnus replies, hugging himself with his free arm. He wishes someone else was there to hug him, to keep him warm like that.

_“I’ll speak to you later, take care old man.”_

Magnus laughs at that, shaking his head in amusement, “Take care as well, have a great Christmas.”

A beep signals the end of the call.

Two weeks later after Alec leaving, today is Christmas Eve, and they _finally_ have something to be happy about. Life is complicated, but it’s miles easier without the constant shadow of looming defeat over their heads.

Magnus has been getting on with steering the Clave in the wrong direction, still not agreeing to work with them. He says _the fight is over_ for him, as he won’t recover such a deadly sword from a greater demon who doesn’t intend to be found. Why waste resources when you could spend them enforcing their so called _law_ that’s gone wild ever since Valentine was their main enemy? Magnus doesn’t understand their mindset, but he’s glad that Isabelle has some happiness at home to keep her from going insane.

Today, he’ll see Alec, and that puts fresh springs in his steps after dragging them across the floor for so long.

Having the thought of spending a day or two with Alec over Christmas makes him turn the music up, annoying the guards outside. Jingle bells ring through his apartment, dancing and singing in the shower as he prepares for an ugly Clave meeting. Knowing he’ll see Alec, or at the very least hear from him today, that’ll be more than enough fuel to power him through that literal hell.

 

\---

“Rise and shine pretty boy,” Maia throws a cushion at Alec’s face, prompting the demon to slowly wake from his slumber, “big day today.”

Isabelle informed Maia about her and Catarina’s discovery late yesterday night, and she was _explicitly_ told not to tell Alec. She didn’t need to know why that was the case, they were giving the honour to Magnus, that way the couple could see each other again. Christmas gave them a small window where the Shadowhunters aren’t so active, not by a lot, but enough to give Alec enough room to slip through the shadows undetected. Even if it was just for one night, Maia has been around Alec constantly for two weeks now, and the signs are showing.

Alec’s mostly dormant, like the fire inside him has burnt out. When Maia is over at Catarina’s, a simple mention of his boyfriend’s name and he’ll come alive, that spark igniting again. He still has that simmering power inside him, but without Magnus, he feels a little lost.

Give the man credit, he’s spent the time he remembers alive in a hellish dimension, no friends, no family. Then Magnus comes along, steals his heart and to Alec’s shock, gives it _back_ with an emotion his brain took days to label, but for his body to recognise instantly. A gear falling into place, almost.

Without that gear, his system struggles to function at what he would call normal, and these are the outcomes of that.

Well, he isn’t lazy all the time, but it’s his ignorance against waking up that has Maia worried. He doesn’t ever want to sleep, but when Maia argues with him to get some rest, why does he never want to get up?

Maia can hear his grumbles from where she now stands in her kitchen. Her house isn’t huge, but it’s got character.

She lives in an old brick house, one floor with attic space where Alec is currently crashing. There’s one circular window on the attic wall, moonlight pouring in when Alec goes to sleep somewhere around midnight, and orange hues of the morning a few hours later. Sometimes Alec will just lay there, staring out and hoping to see one little glint of a star, but nothing. The city blinds the galaxy, and Alec has become a hopeful wisher of rain. Maia offered her coach, but Alec denied. He feels somewhat safer in the attic, that if he somehow snaps during his sleep, he’ll charge through the window for freedom instead of lunging for Maia. She denied that would happen, but Alec wasn’t taking chances back then. Now it’s more private, his personal space where he can come and think. When rain falls down that window, he finds himself soothed by it, helping him sleep more peacefully. Other times, when it’s just the silence of his thoughts and the patient growls of the monster he is, then that becomes a sleepless night.

As the sun catches his face, only then will Alec fall asleep.

And just an hour later, his alarm clock sounds. That alarm clock is Maia.

Alec can go a month without sleep, and he can thank his demonic nature for that, but he still likes the act itself. Having that recharge makes him feel a lot more alive than keeping his eyes open for weeks on end. It’s just the horrors that wait him when he does close his eyes that scare him the most, more so than himself.

She boils the kettle, brushing her teeth as she walks around to get ready for work. If Alec wasn’t gay, she wouldn’t be walking around in pajama shorts and shirt, wearing a thick jacket over the top to null the cold breeze coming through the windows. There’s always a set of birds that sit on her kitchen window balcony, and Maia makes sure to sprinkle a handful of bird feed for them. It reminds Alec of the pigeons back at Magnus’ apartment, but these seem a bit more jumpy. They’re in the countryside, so Alec can see why the pigeons are more confident, considering they deal with the noise of the city day in and day out.

Alec finally stirs, opening his eyes slowly to the same wall he’s seen for two weeks, despite that one night he fell asleep on Maia’s sofa watching Planet Earth. He found it so interesting that he ended up going out and buying the boxset, but his body said otherwise. It was strange to fall asleep like that for Alec, but he did have an exhausting day using most of his powers so Catarina could sample them.

Despite being an attic, Maia transformed it into a spare room a few weeks after she originally moved in. There was practically no dust, working fairy lights and furniture that looks antique. Some posters of bands line the walls, and various photos of holiday trips are stuffed in a few boxes that are pushed to the side. Maia and Alec went through that album at one point, Alec asking where these places were and what was so interesting about them. He has a lot of new places to travel to thanks to Maia’s younger, werewolf free days, but she also plans to go travelling again once she finds time. They both don’t know Isabelle planned to go away as a group of four, as she wants to save it for a special occasion - when this is all over.

Pushing himself to a sit, his fingers close around the sheets, yawning and widening his jaw as far as it’ll go. He severely misses waking up next to Magnus. Spending his entire life without someone, then suddenly having that one person to see as home is rather straining on his heart. He can’t sleep without someone there, and he certainly can’t shut his eyes without remembering the darkness. For a demon who is meant to give nightmares, he never imagined having them himself.

Every time Alec closes his eyes, he sees it. The red shadows that wrap around his body, pulling at his limbs and talons digging into his muscles. But he doesn’t bleed, because other people do. He sees faces he cares about and love like a mirror of Alec, without the shadows and talons, but they still bleed. It’s a nightmare about his one fear, bringing pain to people because of his own existence, of bringing sadness because of what he is. The dream always ends as he’s about to break free, repeating every time he closes his eyes.

Some nights, he’ll fall asleep without the nightmare, but it’ll be an hour before the shadows come crawling back. Nothing stops them, and Alec can’t breathe when he wakes up in the middle of the morning to hear a blood curdling scream. Maia has only heard him a few times, bangs as he frantically moves out the sheets from the heat that swarms his bed. Alec can remember Maia’s face clearly, the fear as he laid there on his back, kicking the bed away as it scraped across the floor. He didn’t even know what he did until Maia called his name, walking over and falling to her knees as he goes pale.

That was the first night of the nightmare, and the beginning of many.

It doesn’t affect him as much now, but it still wakes him up, the feeling of insects crawling up his legs a clear image in his mind. Alec _hates_ it, but he sees no way in stopping them until he can beat his own fears.

Pulling a shirt down over his head, which is on backwards, Alec jumps down from the attic. His feet are bare, but his baggy joggers and top are all he needs to wake up.

“Can’t you just wake me up normally?” Alec complains, reaching for the cupboard on the wall that holds all the bowls so he can have breakfast.

“Now where would be the fun in that?” she’s idly mixing coffee in her mug as Alec pours some cornflakes in a bowl, “and you never woke up to an alarm.”

Well, she wasn’t wrong. Alec snorts, shaking his head and heading to the fridge to grab some milk.

“You’re meant to be my best friend, not my mother.” Alec catches Maia’s smile at that, then smiles himself at her laughter soon after. They acted like roommates, not a werewolf hiding out a demon haunted by the Clave.

“I don’t act like your mother, I act like a thoughtful friend who knows that once you sleep past ten, there’s no getting up.” She winks, Alec ignoring her small twirl to feed the birds again as he searches for a spoon.

“Well,” he shrugs his shoulder, picking up the bowl with one hand as he starts to eat, “thank you for being my annoying, yet responsible best friend.”

Alec did use the ‘man's best friend’ joke before, but Maia winded him before he could even laugh. No dog jokes in this household.

“You’re welcome,” she does a little curtsey, minding not to spill her coffee in the process, “my annoying, demonic roommate who I’m busting my ass to save.”

“And you know I’m forever grateful,” Alec speaks as he munches on his cornflakes this time, Maia clicking her tongue and slapping his forearm. That’s when he knows to finish his mouthful before speaking again, “and so is Magnus, I’m sure.”

Rolling her eyes at Alec’s small mischievous smile, she walks to the living room, which is connected to the kitchen as one big open space. Switching on the TV, it’s as expected. Christmas is all over the news, and the jingle bells ring through Alec’s chest. His first Christmas that isn’t spent in Edom, his others lost to the flames. Alec doesn’t know if he _had_ a Christmas before, the traditional one with family. Food, family, and of course - the presents. Alec didn’t see a reason to want the presents, other than to see the smile on peoples faces if they receive something they really wanted. At least this year he has a chance, and it’s the first year he’s practically had any chances. That thought brings a smile to his face, leaning his back against the kitchen counter and facing towards the TV. Maia blocks half of the screen, but he can see the purpose of the program clearly. It’s Christmas Eve, businesses are starting to close up for the holidays, and people rush to get their last minute gifts before the famed Claus heads off in his sleigh.

“What should I get Magnus?” he asks out of nowhere, Maia looking over her shoulder with a smirk on her face.

“Glad you finally caught on,” she switches channels to a music channel, primarily rock songs as she doesn’t quite like to listen to something so jolly in the morning. She needs to wake up. “and don’t give me that face, I know you don’t know how to do this Christmas thing.”

Maia walks over, going back to sip her coffee now it’s cooled a little. A growing thought bugs her, catching Alec’s gaze and wondering if she should even say it.

“Is,” she takes a pause, Alec’s expression already sour as he knows what’s coming, “...this your first Christmas?”

“From what I know and remember, yes.” Alec was surprised he could say it without breaking a little, but he held on to those fragments that threatened to shatter.

He was a lot stronger mentally despite his nightmares than he was two weeks ago. Being away from perfect smiles and warm hands gives him a lot of time to think, to ground himself and his emotions. Still, he doesn’t understand most of them, but every day is still an opportunity to learn, he’s not given up or thrown a tantrum simply because he can’t see Magnus. Alec’s mature, he’s a warrior, and he’s ultimately becoming what was taken away from him.

“Hey,” Maia could see her friend lost in thought, placing a comforting hand on his forearm, near to where he holds the bowl, “I can help you, I’ve been through my fair share of relationships so I might as well use it for something.”

Alec doesn’t respond to that, but the way he looks at her is surely questioning. He frowns a little, putting the bowl aside as he turns. Alec looks away for a few seconds, swallowing hard and looking to the kitchen counter.

“Why are you helping me, Maia?” The question is so heavy that Alec worries Maia won’t be able to carry it.

But she’s prepared, Maia already has her reasons.

“Because like me, you didn’t have a choice into becoming what you are. Yet you don’t argue against it, you want to fight it. If you can’t, you live with it, which is what you’ve been doing since the first time I saw you,” the thoughts of that night come flooding back, “When you looked at me, you looked terrified, almost like a kid caught stealing a bar of chocolate from the local shop. You weren’t violent, you simply stepped back as soon as I saw you sneaking in.”

“So… you didn’t call for help because I look frightened?”

“It’s more than that,” she takes Alec’s empty bowl from the side, placing it on the bowl as she continues to talk. “I could smell how afraid you were, and I already knew who you were because of Isabelle saying you’d escaped. From how she described you then, to the man that was standing in front of me, I decided to follow my gut.”

Alec can’t believe what he hears. She gave him a chance because he looked afraid? What if he was tricking her? He shakes his head, a little shaken by this whole thing, but grateful.

“I - I don’t know what to say,” he lowers his head, letting it hand between his shoulders, “if you didn’t give me a chance that day, I don’t want to know what would’ve hap-”

Maia cuts him off, squeezing his forearm, “No, you won’t think about the past. I continued to do that for many of my years and all it did was drag me down. Don’t forget the pain, because doing so will make the next fall worse. What I did, was learn from it, make myself stronger and move on. Alec, you’ve been through so much, don’t keep thinking about the past when you could focus on such a bright future.”

Exhaling, Alec closes his eyes, opening them a short time later to Maia’s tired morning smile.

“I believe in you, and more do every day. You’re proof that not everything we deem as evil is evil at heart. Choices are important, but sometimes we don’t get to make our own,” she let’s go of Alec’s forearm, letting the man turn and stand up straight, “if you let those people win after I busted my ass to save you that night, as well as cleaning up after the bar fight _you_ started, then god _help me_ Alec, I’ll beat your ass myself back down to Edom myself.”

Her smirk makes Alec smirk back, breaking into small laughter that makes Alec step forward. He hugs her close, breathing easy as Maia hugs him back. She pats his shoulder blade, then rubs twice.

“I promise,” Alec begins, “for you and everyone else who believes in me.”

Hearing his promise, Maia leans back and lets go. Now he stands a little stronger, despite the morning that plagues his bones.

“That’s the Alec I know,” she punches his chest, Alec looking a little offended but amused nonetheless. “you better go and get ready.”

“Huh?” Alec rubs a hand on his chest, not shocked that the punch hurts considering how strong Maia actually is, even without her werewolf gifts. “Catarina wants me in earlier today?”

“No, you have a big day. We, are going _Christmas shopping.”_ Maia knows Alec may get the chance to see Magnus today, so they should go and get Magnus’ present before the small time window opens for the couple.

Alec looks a little shocked, looking from Maia to the door. “In public?”

“Yeah?” She shrugs, as if the whole _Alec is a Greater Demon_ thing is no problem while Shadowhunters are on high alert.

“Er, I don’t think I can, Maia.”

She sighs, gesturing to Alec with one of her hands. “Hello? Greater demon, you can teleport. I never said anything about shopping in _this_ city.” Maia winks, a theoretical light bulb blinking on above Alec’s head.

 _“Ooooh,”_ he laughs, placing a hand to the side of his face and not believing his own slight stupidity. “sorry, these days I just forget I can.”

“That’s good,” Alec looks a little confused again, “because you’re not relying on your powers for everyday things.”

Brushing down his shirt, Alec can see where that fits in. Multiple days he’ll forget he’s even a demon. Like watching TV, chilling or studying from books Maia collects from the local library. He isn’t worried about setting fire to something, or snapping and losing control. Even though that’s still a fear he has, it isn’t as prominent when he has people and love holding him close. It’s only when the nightmares haunt him does he fear losing himself for good.

“Thank you, Maia,” he scratches the back of his neck, “for everything you’ve done for me.”

“And will continue to do,” she walks towards her room, tapping the imaginary watch on her wrist, “now go and get ready.”

As the door closes to her room, Alec is left staring at the floor, reflecting on how much his life has changed.

He’s found a new meaning to living, not just breathing and eating enough food to stay physically alive - but living for _himself,_ for _someone else,_ or his _friends._ Friends was a word he couldn’t even say a few weeks ago, and here he was, adding a plural to it. Wiping a hand across the side of his face, Alec laughs to himself, feeling a swell of emotions in his heart that don’t fade after the moment is gone. He will eternally remember this, a memory, one he’ll remember and never let them have.

Alec doesn’t know what the day has in store for him, but he trusts Maia’s smile, he trusts that today will be the start of a better time. Not just for Alec, but for all of them.

Snow continues to fall outside, small and fragile, like feathers of an angels lost wings. He can hear children laugh and complain outside from snowball fights, occasional people cheering seasons greetings to each other from across the road. When he has peace like this, it’s hard to imagine the true story that lies beneath his skin. Perhaps he wants that. Alec wants to live a life where he isn’t afraid to live a normal one, yet not forget his past. Just like Maia said, to become stronger from a past he doesn’t necessarily want to remember. Forgetting it would be running away, hoping he never sees a flame flicker again, but he can be prepared for next time. Alec wasn’t hoping for a future, but he has so much to live for now. Once, he didn’t have a lot, but so much to gain. And now, he can’t imagine a life where he doesn’t have the people he has now. Magnus, Catarina, Madzie, Maia, Isabelle, Ragnor and of course, Omamori and Chairman.

Standing up, Alec moves back to the attic, grabbing fresh clothes Maia bought for him a few weeks ago. They make him look smart casual, and Alec denied them first, but Maia _insisted_ he stop trying to look like a devilish business man. Of course, that's the joke, and Maia didn’t see anything wrong with his clothes, but when he puts that simple black sweater on - it’s a whole other world of handsome. Simplicity is best, and with a new bomber jacket decorated with patches, Alec could rival any good looking mundane without using his powers. She wanted him to swap out the jeans, but that was one piece of clothing Alec wanted to keep. Sure, he’s wearing all black, the pops of colour coming from his eyes and jacket patches, but that’s what made it so good as a look.

Maia also knew they’d get a day like this, deep down feeling the magnet between the two lovers pulling them back together again. Magnus would surely have a surprise, and she sincerely hopes Magnus dresses up too - not that he doesn’t. Oh, what is she saying? Magnus looks _incredible_ in everything. Maia can see how powerful Alec’s eyes can be, the hazel mixing to red in the strongest sunlight, to a mellow brown with hints of caramel in the night. Without colours on his outfit to drown them out, Magnus won’t be able to resist.

Not that they’ll need it anyway. Maia’s seen the effects clearly. From how the slightest mention of warlocks gets his attention, or the mention of the letter ‘M' at the start of a word kickstarts his heart. She wouldn’t call it silly, or desperate, it was neither. A simple wish to be with the person he wants to be with. Considering the circumstances, Maia would see it no other way, especially if she was in the same boat. Living down there, no way out, no sunlight to brighten your days - who would ever want that? Alec never told Maia, but he doesn’t see sunlight as something that warms him, because his demonic blood is already so hot itself. Thankfully his body has learned to tame it, no longer setting fire to anything he touches with his hands. But that’s besides the point, that this whole thing of demonic blood and careless whispers of sins, it’s the frame of who he really is. Alec wants to be more than that, to _be_ someone’s sunlight, to be their warming hug in the morning. A light in the dark, a wish through the night sky, or a hand in a bottomless pit to help them out of their darkest times.

Magnus has always been the one to dream that, to lay there and think about having his own star, his shining light in years full of timid darkness. When Alec first slept by his side, he knew there was no going back to the old sunrise. He wants his Alec, the star that burns brighter than any star, core raging with demonic power yet so calm on the surface. Light from the sun itself dances over his skin like it was meant to be there from the start, almost as if he was a moving painting, the start of a timeless piece only available to those who stole it.

And Alec has completely stolen his heart.

Two revolving stars, bright and powerful in their own respective ways. Magnus is a leader, a warlock beyond his years and idol to many. He teaches and learns every day, a true lover, but one that’s been lost for more years than he wants to admit, because it hurts. Alec, a fallen angel strong enough to keep that small amount of good, to battle through the flames and stay himself even despite the pain. Alec also learns, but doesn’t realise he teaches. Through his journey with Magnus, he’s been teaching the world that the cover of every book isn’t what people originally think, and they could truly change the world as they know it. Small changes, like the small alliances Alec has now, to bring changes to books and worldwide equality in the Shadow world. There’s a slim chance that’ll happen, but giving up hope is no longer a factor in Alec’s mind.

Two bright, burning stars, yet they don’t overpower the other. Gravity pulls them closer, but they don’t collide and supernova. They remain in a stable, revolving orbit for many, many years to come. Magnus and Alec are those stars, a living and breathing relationship of wonder that many will look at and question how it even works. They are proof that balance can be achieved, even when two of the most contributing factors of the universe keep burn bright together, revolving around one another and combining their alliances, their planets, their _worlds._

Never again would Alec feel so empty in a void, his light reaching out amongst the specs of others, all competing in a chaotic order. Now he isn’t alone, as another star comes along, much brighter than Alec, but overtime, becoming less defensive, less intimidating.

And here they are, dancing in orbit of each other, for as long as the fuel will burn - which for Magnus and Alec, will likely be forever.

 

\---

Around half ten in the morning, Magnus rolls his eyes for what seems like the fifth time that morning. Everything the Inquisitor says is complete propaganda, and these Shadowhunters are soaking it up like a dry sponge to water. He can see some of them starting to tire of this endless goose chase, because why spend energy and time on this when their only hope of finding him doesn’t even want to be here?

There have been a few times where Magnus will make the Shadowhunters laugh, earning judging glares from Clave officials. He didn’t see the harm in _laughing,_ but maybe these Clave officials didn’t know the word existed. But sitting there and getting salty about it wasn’t on Magnus’ schedule today, as he has one focus. To work with Isabelle spreading holiday cheer so he can have that small window of time with Alec. _God,_ he wants to spend at _least_ the night with him. Otherwise, they’ll start to get too good at goodbyes, and Magnus doesn’t want that at all. Sure, there are good goodbyes, like a _see you later after work._ This is different, this is a _goodbye because I don’t know when I’ll see you again._ It’s an ache to hear those words over in his head, repeated time and time again in Alec’s own vocals.

The thought subsides, Magnus’ phone vibrating in his pocket. No hopes are up yet, not until he sees that it’s past ten.

_Alec._

He waits for the official to start on a new slide before fishing out his phone. With his arms resting on the table in the back of the room, not only does the screen light up on Magnus’ phone - his smile does too.

Alec’s name blinks on the lock screen above his chosen lock screen wallpaper, an image of Chairman and Omamori playing with one side of an empty coconut shell. When he unlocks it, his heart skips a beat at what he reads.

_ALEC_

_[hey beautiful, hope you’re ok]_

This is silly. This is _insane._ Yet he _loves it._ If Magnus told himself he would be dating a greater demon and getting texts like _this,_ he probably would have asked what the bartender put in his drink.

Alec has learned to expect silence, completely understanding that Magnus is an extremely busy individual with tasks to meet on a daily basis. Initially, his texts would be questions, patiently waiting for Magnus’ reply. Magnus would drop a text back to him, but he doesn’t want to rush it, he wants to be able to talk to Alec properly when he’s not pressed for time. Deep down, Magnus also knows Alec needs the space, to adjust by himself in this strange new light, to spend more time with his new friends and learn to live a bit more freely.

He texts him back this time, intending on a conversation, because today’s lecture is not interesting in the slightest.

_[I’m doing well. Currently listening to plans to trick a greater demon.]_

_[oh goodie, do tell]_

_[They want me to exchange a decoy instrument for the sword.]_

_[you didnt hear it, but i just released the biggest fucking sigh]_

Magnus smirks at that, shaking his head and quickly paying attention to see if he’s missing anything important. Not likely.

_[What are you up to yourself? Causing any trouble?]_

_[where do i begin? helped an old lady cross the road, bought maia some food, bought some clothes. absolute animal, please come and sort me out]_

If what he was saying was the truth, then call Magnus surprised _and_ impressed.

_[Are you lying to me?]_

_[why would i lie to you? you would find out eventually, you read me so easily. its actually quite annoying]_

Chuckling quietly, Magnus really wants to excuse himself so he can ring him, but he wants to keep it through text. The hope of seeing him, the adrenaline that starts to flow, it wants to make him wait to see him in person, to hear that voice he’s missed so much.

_[Oh I do apologise, please forgive me and don’t punish me for my sins.]_

_[those demon jokes stopped working when i met simon]_

_[Simon? Isabelle’s vampire friend? Funny guy, but always forget his name in person, shame.]_

_[i didnt realise that simon was the guy i borrowed my phone from. and before you say something, i gave it back a few days ago and got a new one]_

Shaking his head, Magnus knew that the sci-fi themed background wasn’t Alec’s choosing. It could be now, but not back then.

_[Changing your ways I see?]_

_[doing my best boss]_

He looks at that last word twice, feeling a small chuckle bubble in his throat as he sees the chat bubble appear again.

_[please dont turn that into a kink]_

And the chuckle flows freely, Magnus’ shoulders bouncing a little. Some Shadowhunters in the room look over to see what’s happening, but they don’t seem to look for too long, almost as if they’re listening in on something private. One or two are jealous that they can't sit on their phone instead of this meeting.

_[I thought demons were into that type of thing.]_

_[well, maybe]_

Magnus smirks to himself, sinking back into his chair, completely zoning out the entire meeting.

_[you make it hard to stay away when youre so flirty, yknow?]_

_[That’s the plan, darling ;)]_

There’s a small pause between this message and Alec’s next one. Perhaps he isn’t sure if to say it, or to save it.

_[i miss you a]_

_[lot]_

_[*a lot]_

For some reason, his stuttered textes make Magnus a little sad. Alec is out there, hiding, and Magnus can’t do anything to stop it. Not yet, anyway.

The texts aren’t ignored, the butterflies once sleeping flutter inside his stomach again.

_[Soon, Alec.]_

_[what???]_ Alec’s reply is immediate.

_[I miss you too.]_

Alec is utterly confused, yet excited to what this means. He can’t take much from Magnus’ words, but he texts back with not much thought.

_[stop being a tease, maia is laughing at me]_

Magnus dreaded seeing those words, Alec not knowing of the window they have, seeing it as a joke instead of an actual clue.

Magnus has to place his phone down on the table, breathing in and isolating himself from the sounds of the meeting. It’s making him more and more nervous as time goes on, wanting this time with Alec so desperately.

His phone vibrates with a new message, but it takes Magnus a while to lift the phone up so he can see the screen.

_ALEC SENT YOU A PICTURE_

Does he really want to open it? To see that face he so desperately misses that will make his heart ache even more than it is?

Magnus has suffered enough.

Unlocking his phone, he’s greeted with the picture straight away, as Alec’s chat window is still open. There’s no time to prepare for what he sees, tears pinching at the backs of his eyes.

And there he is, smiling wide and laughing, eyes closed from the force of his laughter as Maia sticks up two fingers behind his head like a bunny. Maia is sticking her tongue out as she stares at the camera, leaning on Alec’s shoulder. Magnus’ heart _melts_ at what he sees. To see him smile so bright, so carefree and in _public_ from the background - he feels like crying.

Oh how far Alec has come, from his mysterious, smirking demon ways to living the life of any normal man. A transformation Magnus has witnessed first hand, and sometimes through text. He looks so happy, one of his rune scars poking out through the collar on his bomber jacket. He isn’t hiding anymore, even if his entire body is covered in clothing, he doesn’t feel the need to glamour a scar. Alec is not scared of his past anymore, he’s embracing it. What he finds funny about the picture, is the red beanie he’s wearing with a fluffy bobble on top. It must be Maia’s, the ebony fringe of his hair poking out at the front. She’s the only one wrapped up, and must have made Alec put on the hat for the picture.

He’s going out, in public, with friends. Magnus’ heart has never felt so whole.

_[i really wish you were here]_

_[I would rather be with you than here.]_

It’s true, Magnus moving his thumb along the frame of the phone, staring at the picture that requires one more message before it starts being cut off by the top of the screen.

_[can i ring you?]_

Magnus should say no, he should _really_ say no.

And just as he’s about to excuse himself, a knock on the door holds the rooms attention, including Magnus.

“Can I speak to Magnus for a moment?” Luke looks from the Inquisitor to Magnus, quickly knowing he wasn’t paying much attention to this meeting anyway.

Thankfully, the Inquisitor lets him go, and Luke shuts the door behind Magnus as soon as the warlock walks out. They stay in silence until they reach an office, explaining they need to discuss some Downworld matters in private since some rogue members are on the rise to try and reap the rewards of less focus on them.

“How’s it going?” Luke asks, crossing his arms as he sits on the desk, Magnus standing by the fireplace and admiring some books.

“How can I explain the most boring days of my life to you? I don’t want you to start getting wrinkles.” When Magnus turns to Luke, that wasn’t the answer he was looking for.

“I’m on about you, as in, how this is all affecting you,” Luke sighs, staring at the phone trembling in his hand, “you’re still talking to him right?”

“Of course,” Luke found out about Alec from Catarina, who wasn’t quite sure if the warlocks were playing some stupid prank. But when Magnus’ face lit up at the mention of his name, then the sudden fear, he knew Magnus was playing no jokes, “I’m not going to ignore him simply because I can’t spend time with him.”

Walking away from the books, Magnus pays his full attention to Luke as he sits down.

“Well, I am here for another reason besides checking on you,” Magnus gestures for him to continue as he takes a pause. “My pack is getting news of the demon still being around. With the Clave’s lack of interest catching these criminals that threaten our peace, they know the Soul Sword is still out there.”

Bad news. _More bad news._

“I try and tell them that the demon has no intention of handing it back, because why would he? You’ve said to me he intends on protecting it, but my pack wouldn’t believe me when I said that.”

“Why not? You’re their alpha.” Magnus frowns a little, concerned that this is going to get heated very, very quickly.

“I am, but that doesn’t mean they’ll listen to me if their life is in danger. They don’t know who Alec is, and they can’t make a judgment based on opinions.”

“If they do, it won’t work. If they find out he was a Shadowhunter, they’ll call him biased, or say he’ll have the same tendencies in the end to bring Downworlders to extinction.” Magnus paces around the room, trying to whip up a plan quickly, amid all else that’s happening.

“Exactly, which is why I know what to do.”

 

\---

Alec stares at his phone.

No reply.

Maybe he shouldn’t have sent that last text, that was going too far. But, with what Magnus said to him, his heart couldn’t take anymore. He _needs_ to hear his voice, to hear that little chuckle everytime one of his jokes goes through, or his teases steal a blush from Alec.

He really does miss him, and it sucks.

“Stop putting yourself down big guy,” Maia nudges him to his right, knocking him from the trance at staring solemnly at his phone, “he’s in a meeting, he probably needs to pay attention for a moment to not look so careless.”

Alec keeps telling himself that Magnus is smart enough not to get himself into trouble, but why does he have the feeling that this isn’t the case?

Maia nudges him again, sighing and pushing the door open for him so they can walk into the restaurant. A variety of bags decorate their arms, as Maia has made sure to bring the full Christmas experience for Alec. She’s also made sure to buy a Christmas themed dinner, like turkey and stuffing that Alec didn’t even know was a tradition. Just incase the time Magnus and Alec are supposed to have today _doesn’t_ happen, then she’ll be prepared to give Alec his first Christmas with family.

Could she call it family? They basically live together, so why not call it that? Alec has become so comfortable around Maia, and even called her his _long lost sister._ When Alec first said that, she denied it in her mind, but not out loud. Maia didn’t want to replace someone who is probably still out there, having that annoying tick at the back of their mind that something is _missing._ Alec insisted she was, how nothing could say thank you enough for what she’s done for him. All Maia said, was that a pack sticks together, and Alec was stray who didn’t deserve to be left alone. She has respect for Bane, and with him giving Alec a chance, even falling in love with him, then Maia will do her absolute to make sure Alec feels like a family member. Downworlders stick together, through thick and thin.

Alec may be a past Shadowhunter, but he’s focusing on what he is _now,_ not what he _was._ And Maia’s proud of him for that, taking her advice but letting it evolve in his way, to let him decide what he forgives and forgets.

“I’m not hungry, I’m _exhausted,”_ complains Alec, slumping down onto the first chair he finds near the back, Maia following and sitting opposite him. “You literally dragged me everywhere.”

“That’s what the shopping rush is all about! Not finding your size, out of stock - true pain right there. Really gets your adrenaline going.” Maia pats the table, making a small rhythm as Alec simply rolls his eyes.

The restaurant they’ve arrived at is quite modern, quiet too. Shoppers run past the window, bags swinging, people pushing each other out the way to try and get to their designated shop before everything goes. Alec doesn’t see the fun in it, but it’s been nice to mingle in mundanes and feel a little normal. People are way too busy worrying about their own problems to stare at the oddly shaped scar on his neck, but there has been a few. Some look once, some look twice, but ultimately they just ignore it. Alec’s felt a little out of place at times, like when kids would smile at him or scream loudly when they found Santa’s grotto on the other side of the shop, but at least Maia’s finding amusement out of his bewilderment.

It’s been fun, he’ll admit that.

“Hmm,” he picks up the menu from the table, scanning over quickly, “are you sure we shouldn’t just go back home and cook?”

Maia looks offended, snatching the menu from his hands.

“I’m _treating_ you, Alec, it’s Christmas,” Alec’s face becomes blank, looking from her face to the menu, “what?”

“Nothing,” he mumbles under his breath, sitting back and placed his hands in his pockets, “just - I am very confident in my cooking skills, and I’m rather offended you didn’t jump at the offer.”

She can see when Alec’s so called _pretend_ sad face shifts to one of mischief, and Maia simply kicks him gently under the table.

“Behave child,” she laughs, Alec sitting back up and shuffling go get comfortable in his seat, “otherwise you’ll be opening your presents on Boxing Day.”

“Boxing day?” Alec rears his head, unsure again, “there’s a day where you punch people?”

“No no!” she giggles, holding the menu to cover her laughter as it builds. Usually she wouldn’t laugh at this because Alec simply hasn’t experienced it, or remember it, but Alec is laughing himself at the idea. He knew it wasn’t true. “It’s the day after Christmas.”

 _“Oooh,”_ Alec nods, tapping the table with his fingertips a few times, “I see.”

As Maia is looking through the menu, Alec feels an idea creep into the back of his mind.

“Maybe we should go to the gym?” Alec’s last word is a little croaky, as if he regrets ever starting the sentence. He’s running before he can walk, especially if this public outing is a one time thing until it’s a busy holiday again.

“Gym?” She puts the menu down, looking at him like he’s gone crazy. “Are you _joking?”_

“It’ll burn some energy for me especially, that demon tick I get in my fingers really annoys me.”

“Ah,” Maia knows what he’s on about, and going to the gym does make sense, “well, we can do this two ways,”

Alec perks up, interested in what she has to say. Maia has seen when energy builds up, how Alec shakes his legs or physically hurts himself by clenching his fist. It comes in waves, the demon inside trying to feed on whatever sin it can find. Having something to take that energy out on will be healthy for him, understanding more about his limits. It’ll also help him have f _ull_ control over the blood that runs through his veins, to say when and where it can come out to play.

“We can go to a public gym, but busy hours. Or, I can see if I can find cheap gym equipment to set up at home.”

He looks hopeful, a smile on his face as snow continues to fall outside. Maia originally thought he was joking because he doesn’t _need_ to work out. She’s seen him without a shirt before when they were running tests on his scars, and he’s pretty much as fit as someone could get. Any more, and Magnus may never leave his apartment - or perhaps, that’ll happen anyway, since they are so in love with each other that it goes beyond sexual attraction.

 _“Or,_ you could ask Magnus to magic a gym up in his apartment, because I doubt a regular mundane boxing bag would hold out against one punch,” Alec smirks at that, feeling rather giddy Maia recognises his strength, but also a little embarrassed that Maia has seen him when he focuses in training, “so we might need some magic to stop buying new equipment. I don’t see why not though.”

“Cool, yeah,” Alec agrees, leaning back onto the wall sofa again, “I’ll ask Magnus next time I text him.”

“Or see him,” she adds, causing Alec to groan.

“Stop _teasing._ You know how hard it is,” brushing his hand down his face, Alec messes up his hair that was previously flat from Maia’s hat, “that’s both you and Magnus who've said something like that today.”

Wait - what were they planning? He eyes Maia, noticing her little smirk and jiggle of her shoulders. “I hate you, really.”

“If you meant that you wouldn’t be living with me.” Maia winks, Alec grumbling in annoyance afterwards.

A woman walks over, electronic pad in her hand to take their order.

“Hello, my name is Alison and I’ll be serving you today, are you ready to order?” The waitress wears a brighter smile on her face, looking between Alec and Maia as they exchange glances.

Maia is the one to order, with Alec watching how she taps the screen for their order instead of writing. Technology is strange.

“Any drinks?” Alison asks, looking to Maia as she readies to complete the order and send it to the kitchen.

“One be-”

“Water, for both of us,” Maia interrupts Alec, the demon frowning at picking water over an alcoholic beverage, _especially_ on Christmas. The amount of beer stalls he’s seen makes him wonder how much of Christmas people actually remember. “that’ll be all, thank you!”

Alison chuckles a little at Alec’s expression, to which Maia shrugs, as if she doesn’t know what he’s so angry about. “I see your lady friend here wants you sober for Christmas Day.”

“My _lady friend_ is awfully mean,” and the waitress laughs again, clicking the screen to send the order off to the kitchen, “but she’s my partner in crime.”

“Oh, is this your first Christmas together?” Alison looks between them, her words unsure as she lets her last word hand in the air a bit more. Alec frowns, about to sound offended but Maia saves him from the small anger surfacing in his veins.

“As roommates, yes,” she nudges her foot to Alec’s leg so the demon pays attention to Maia instead of the waitress who apologises, “it’ll be the first for him and his boyfriend.”

“Oh!” Alison turns to Alec, smiling bright and hugging the pad to her chest, “congratulations! That’s so sweet, I hope you have a lovely Christmas.” She bows, leaving the two to talk.

That crushes his heart. Alison spoke about spending Christmas together, but they physically aren’t. Magnus has to keep him out of his apartment so he doesn't get accused of working with the _enemy._

But why would Maia keep saying this? Why tease him to no end when she knows it hurts?

Alec takes a moment, watching as Maia smiles at him, tempted to switch on his demonic powers so he can see if she’s hiding any secrets.

“What are you hiding?”

“Me?” Maia places two fingers to her chest, “Nothing. Simply helping you remember to not lose hope.”

For the rest of the day, Alec keeps close attention to everything Maia says. From how she pronounces her words, to how she hides behind certain ones. If Alec gets his hopes up, then it’ll be even worse to not see Magnus on one of the days he looks most forward too. He even heard Magnus talk about Christmas, about how this is the first Christmas he feels like decorating his apartment. Has he even done it? Has Alec’s absence deterred Magnus from doing what he said?

Those thoughts are draining, that Alec could _cause sadness,_ one of the biggest fears that haunts him becoming reality. Even if he doesn’t do the Christmas thing, Magnus must still be sad without Alec there, but he knows he’s strong. Magnus would have never lived this long with this much respect by sulking at home. Alec knows he can keep fighting, but he hates to think that there’s a cold sadness brewing somewhere that he can’t remove until Alec is there again. It’s the same for Alec, that empty feeling somewhere in your heart that doesn’t feel complete, and no matter what you do, nothing works to help heal it again. Alec can make it feel numb by taking his mind off it, but it’ll be there, waiting for the moment Magnus pops into his mind again.

Going shopping has taken his mind off things, for sure, but Maia knows nothing can replace that empty feeling. Magnus is a part of him now, and as much as he wants to stay strong without him, right now he just can’t.

There’s no expiration date for Alec’s love. Magnus doesn’t realise that Alec now and before - will love once, and only once.

Alec has chosen Magnus, the only man to make him _feel,_ the only man to give him a _chance_ to prove himself. He’s not just a demon, he’s so much more than that, and Magnus was the one to spark that change. Sure, Maia gave him hope, but Magnus was the one to make the change in Alec’s life, the catalyst for the heart inside that failed to see a reason of being alive.

He lost everything - family, friends, runes, his wings, and maybe even a legacy he wanted to hold. Alec could have given up, succumbed to defeat and let the demon take over, to let those shadows puppet his limbs towards madness. Flames can burn bright, but without that fuel, they won’t last.

Alec no longer has the desire to give up, he has the desire to _love,_ to _protect_ and _live_ amongst others. Alec wants to reclaim what he’s lost, or at least recover what he can comfortably find. But now, he doesn’t need to tread carefully. Sure, the Clave would say otherwise, but Alec would not give a single _fuck_ about what they think if Magnus wasn’t going to get backlash from it. If he could push past those guards without Magnus getting punished, he’d walk into that apartment right now and kiss Magnus breathless. He’d never let him go. Never again.

Maia and Alec spend the remainder of their shopping trip trying to find a present for Magnus. Alec can’t decide, and everything doesn’t seem good enough for the man that Magnus is. Not that it needs to be an expensive present, but Alec can’t seem to find anything that he can imagine Magnus liking. Maia convinces him that whatever he gets, Magnus will love it, because it’s the thought that counts. He doesn’t see the deeper meaning in that, but Alec eventually finds something that he can change and warp into what he wants it to be. He doesn’t tell Maia what he plans, but she knows he needs time to think about it, since he’s so unsure about what to buy in the first place. Maia has some clue as to what he’s going to do, but she has no idea how it’ll work. There’s a deeper meaning behind it, as she read it on the object’s label, but Alec is going to take it one step further.

A step too far, will be up to Magnus’ point of view.

Alec also takes time to find something for Madzie, since she technically did give him an early Christmas present in the form of d crayon drawing.

He keeps it on Maia’s fridge, red and orange crayon outlining a tall man that stands strong, hands on his hips. Feathered wings grow out from his arms, lines of crayon dotted around Alec’s figure to signal an angelic glow. She even drew the sword next to Alec, floating with red sparks around it.

What made Alec tear up the most, was what she called the art, or what she dubbed Alec as in the corner of the drawing.

_Hero._

Alec asked why she called him that, and Madzie simply shrugged. She said she _draws what she believes,_ and Alec has never heard such powerful words come from someone so young. Maia sent a picture of that drawing to Magnus, and Magnus had a bright smile on his face for the rest of the day that he simply couldn’t kick. Every now and then, they’re all reminded of that drawing, how the conflicting sides of who Alec _is_ and _was_ have every effect on Alec now. He chooses to be good, even though his powers would want otherwise.

Who knows? He may have been a hero before his fall.

“Thanks for everything today,” Alec holds the door open to Maia’s house as she walks up the path with her bags. There’s a smile on her face, walking past Alec and saying her thanks through a whisper at his gentleman gesture, “I really couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I’ve never seen a man take two hours to pick out a Christmas present.” She laughs, placing the bags down on the table.

“He means a lot to me,” Alec places down his own bags, watching Maia walk away to fall onto the couch exhausted, “I wanted to make sure what I got him means something.”

“Ah, Alec, I think whatever you get him will mean something. How many years has Magnus lived?”

“I heard him say around 400 years at one point,” shuffling over to the kitchen side, Alec begins to boil the kettle, preparing two mugs for two beverages of hot chocolate, “what does that have to do with this?”

She leans up from where she was staring at the ceiling, crossing her arms on the back of the couch, chin sitting on the backs of her hand.

“Do you not think in those years, Magnus can’t remember the last time he was given a gift?” Maia hears the spinning of the spoon in the mug stop, Alec looking back after a few seconds of thought, “Magnus may be a man of years and experiences, but not true love. You’ve already given him that gift of wanting to fall in love again, and to be honest, I think that’s the greatest gift you could ever give someone like Magnus.”

Maia can’t see it, but Alec’s heart is moving fast, the sound of the thumps getting louder and louder as the images of Magnus smiling choir themselves into Alec’s thoughts.

“He came to the Hunter’s Moon once, big smile on his face, and I couldn’t place what it was for. I knew you were dating, but I didn’t know the length of it,” As the kettle finishes boiling, he pours the water while waiting for Maia to continue, “and he sat down, ordering his usual after a long day. What I didn’t expect, was for him to ask _me_ of all people a question I’ve never heard from him before.”

Maia holds out her hand for the mug of chocolate, whispering her thanks and a small smile, shuffling over and leaning back to give Alec room to sit down. Placing his mug down on the table, he removes his bomber jacket and shoes before sitting down, taking his own hot chocolate between his hands from the table again. Maia turns to lean on Alec, kicking her feet up onto the chair as she swirls the flake in her drink Alec always adds for her.

“Should I be allowed to know what he said?” Alec gets comfortable, allowing her to lean on his side as she leans her head back on his shoulder.

“Maybe, maybe not. I just don’t want you to continuously feel like you have to prove yourself to Magnus.” he scoffs at that, but Maia knows that _he_ knows it’s an underlying fear. “I could argue with you all day as to why you shouldn’t, but that won’t get us anywhere. What I need you to believe, is that all this progress you’ve made has not occurred just because of us. You are the one that _allowed_ that change.”

She takes a sip of her chocolate, Alec remaining quiet as he stares at the snow falling outside. He can tell there’s more to this story, even if she doesn’t tell him what Magnus said that day.

After all his motivational talks from friends, he still mostly believes that the reason he’s sat here and not in Edom is because of the people he’s met. Maia let him hide away when there was too much heat. Magnus was the catalyst for his heart to beat like a human again, warming his smiles and beginning to _feel_ again. Catarina, Madzie and Ragnor have been his helpers, the people who want to understand how he works, what makes that demonic coding tick. Isabelle too, the ally in the shadows, as ironic as it sounds. All of these people have helped him towards this moment, the ounce of humanity he could never hold physically. It was always sand, slipping through his fingers, never enough remaining to hold a tight grip on reality. Alec was holding a sapling, a new life, but in reality Alec was starting over, starting fresh.

“It was.. sad to hear what he said, and I think you should know. From the bottom of my heart, everything I say is the truth.”

“You would never tell me lies, Maia,” he adjusts his sitting position slightly so he slouches into the chair, “just don’t tell me if I don’t need to know.”

She closes her eyes, recalling the memory to the front of her mind, seeing it clearly. When she opens them again, Alec is deathly silent, wanting to know but hating to listen to Magnus’ sad words. Or at least, what Maia deems as sad words.

 

\---

“Busy day with clients?” Maia cleans the inside of a used bar glass, Magnus sitting down on the stool in front of the bar.

“Long day in general,” he sighs, slouching towards the bar as his vision hangs low, distracted by the shimmering lights reflecting on the glass of bottles, “trying not to let Alec get inside my head.”

“Isn’t he already?” As she puts the washed glass aside, Magnus orders his usual, continuing the conversation afterwards.

“Unfortunately, yes.” The way Magnus is holding himself is so different to what Maia is used to seeing.

“Why do you say that? I thought you were happy with Alec?” Placing his order down in front of him, Magnus snaps his attention back to the living, holding the delicate tall glass elegantly, fingers poised like a dancer would.

“It’s not,-” he breathes in, taking a moment to organise his words when his heart and mind are on the battlefield, “It’s not Alec, it’s me. I don’t trust myself to fall in love again. Even though I say I want to, with Alec, there’s always something holding me back that I can’t shake.”

Seeing the internal battle on the outside wasn’t easy for the untrained eye, but for Maia, wolf senses combined, Maia could tell he was stressed and afraid.

Magnus’ heart is afraid.

“You can talk to me, Magnus,” she ignores the customer down the other length of the bar, leaning forward and giving her undivided attention towards Magnus, “you know you can. Downworlds stick together, through every stick and stone they throw at us.”

Silence envelopes them, the clinks of glasses and drunken laughter filling in the background. Magnus catches a few stray conversations from intoxicated men, especially the rowdy werewolves playing a game of cards in the corner, howling every time they win a round. It’s not until Maia goes to move away that Magnus squeezes her hand back, causing the werewolf to smile as he finally comes round.

“You’re a real good friend to me, Maia, and I can’t say thanks enough for what you’ve already done for us.”

“Don’t be silly, Bane, all I did was give him a place to stay one night - well, then a few other nights when he was too scared to go talk to you.” Magnus frowns at that, letting go of Maia’s hand and sitting up, no longer slouching, “Yes, he was afraid of you too, because you’re one of the warlocks that can send him back. So whatever you’re afraid of, I’m sure myself and Alec will understand,” she gives a gentle smile, tipping her head to the side and watching Magnus’ eyes move from her face to his alcoholic glass, “because we’re all scared of something.”

“And that makes us human,” Magnus adds, shaking his head in disbelief. He needs to stop thinking about this too much, even though the situation was inevitably crazy and different to anything he’s done before, “and Alec was the first to say that between us.”

“Hmm?”

“He said that he feels human, well, it was me that finished his sentence, but he said that for the first time, he felt it. Alec has… he’s never felt what we all feel daily, and yet I’m afraid to open my heart to him because I’m _terrified_ of it breaking again,” Maia can see the memories flash before Magnus, his eyes losing their warm autumn as he continues his words. “I can’t go through that pain again.”

“Magnus… you’re not going to get your heart broken. You don’t need to fall in love ye-”

“Maia, I already can’t stop thinking about him. There’s just something he does that drives me crazy, the way he smiles and the way he speaks - it’s like I’ve heard it all before. I - I feel like I’ve _missed_ it. He’s this huge mystery to me and my heart aches not knowing what it is. And even if this doesn’t work, I-”

Magnus has to stop, biting his bottom lip, one of his hands clenching into a fist that threatens to break the glass he’s drinking from. Maia gives him time, still ignoring the customers that wait further down the line.

“How do you know when they’re the one? I don’t want to be the first person to break his heart. I don’t want to be the person he chooses and loses everything again.”

Those words strike a match down Maia’s arm, flinching at those words and what weight they carry. That weight sits directly on Magnus’ shoulders, a protection from pain as well as a burden. Knowing he could have his heart broken makes him wary of ever falling for Alec, but at the same time, he doesn’t want to fall and then leave Alec because their relationship could never work. Alec is meant to be the enemy, yet he wants nothing but to see him again. He gave him coconuts for crying out loud, and soon, he’s meant to see him again to discuss Valentine. How much hell does he have to put himself through to find happiness?

Maia takes hold of his hand again, not speaking until the warlock looks directly at him.

“Trust me when I say Alec is scared too, he’s scared he’ll ruin your reputation for this. I’m going to tell you what I told him, okay?”

Magnus nods, looking down for a second as the images of Alec’s smile appear again.

“When you know, you’ll know.”

 

\---

“Magnus was afraid of breaking my heart?” Alec listened to every part of that story, even taking in the details of how he looked so conflicted.

Alec had brought him pain and he never knew about it. His gut swirls, feeling sick that Magnus was struggling to find his words, to find his feet on where him and Alec stand.

“He was, yeah. Something tells me he still is, that there’s a tick in his mind constantly telling him about the dangers that being in a relationship would bring. I can’t tell you how many times Magnus has been heartbroken, from one night stands to false hopes he didn’t want to believe. You’re the first excuse, the first person Magnus seems to be breaking down his walls for, and that to me, answers his question.”

“That when he knows, he’ll know?” Alec feels Maia sigh, turning around to look at Alec’s lip, one cut from where he bit it too hard during that story.

“What I said also counts for you too,” she prods his chest, directly where his heart it, “you’ll feel it, that swelling feeling that suddenly consumes and never lets go. Well, that what’s happened for me when I first kissed Isabelle, but I suppose it’s different for everyone. That’s why that saying is never defined, because every love is different, every heart and emotion is unique to that person and relationship.”

“But isn’t love the same?”

“We dub it that, but people can feel different forms of love, you just have to find yours.” Maia smiles, placing her head onto his shoulder as Alec is left to think about that.

Alec decides that the next time he sees Magnus, he’ll see what he feels, what dwelling emotions he hasn’t noticed before. He’s felt love, that ignition when Magnus held his face like art, kissing him while he sits in his lap that one night. The moon was their only witness, the witness of their hands exploring new skin, tender touches and shallow breaths. They haven’t done anything too serious, but Alec feels that it’ll build up to their eventual bloom, where every doubt, every simmering worry they have about their relationship will be nothing but a firework in the sky. Basically, it’ll be a massive goodbye to the people who deem them unordinary, weird. They’ll love each other because they feel it, that they want it. Not because they’re alone, not because they’re desperate.

 

\---

“Here’s your research sheets from the meeting today, and a file for any reports you find from the scorch marks,” the Shadowhunter speaks with nerves, her hands shaking a little as they hand over the papers to Magnus, “and the Inquisitor wants-”

“She wants it as soon as possible, I’m aware.” Taking the papers from the Shadowhunter, he takes another second to look at her, and how she seems to be unsure about something. “Everything alright my dear?” He doesn’t know why he’s asking, but there’s a feeling it has something to do with Magnus.

“Oh, yes! I’m just sorry you have to go through this,” he’s taken back by those words, paying full attention to her. This may be a trap, but if there's any chance of a small ally, Magnus will take it, “this all just seems a massive waste of time.”

“Do you mind telling me your name, intelligent Shadowhunter?” She laughs at that, nodding and replying with her name.

“It’s Nin, and I’m sorry for all the horrible looks you get from some of us,” Magnus raises his hand to deny that, but she continues anyway, “and it shouldn’t be that you’re used to it. This really is pointless, the whole Swordsman cat and mouse.”

“And why do you think that?”

“It’s not even a cat and mouse situation, it’s a man finding a needle in a haystack situation. He doesn’t want to be found, and he’s not causing any trouble, so why waste resources searching for a ghost when we could be focusing on something else? Like the rising number of rampant vampire dens?”

Magnus has never smiled so brightly at a Shadowhunter he barely knows. She smiles back, obviously a little nervous from speaking her opinion in the workplace where most of them disagree with her.

“Well, Nin, I agree with you,” he pats the papers, “I’ll make sure to get these back as _soon as possible.”_ Giving one wink as he walks away, he knows her words are genuine, and her laugh towards his obvious joke is welcomed. She speaks with a voice that doesn’t necessarily want attention, but demands to be listened to. A warrior like that will get far, and the smile she offers him as he leaves gives Magnus a little boost.

Even if they don’t know who Alec is, they still believe that in some way his silence is a good thing. Most of them are tired, already seeing the start of another war when they just finished one. A fight with a teleporting greater demon that was forged by flames seems a lot more menacing than Valentine. It was a mix of fear and exhaustion that stops certain people from hunting Alec, and some even believe that the demon is good. He helped capture Valentine, the enemy that they couldn’t after all these years.

Just as Magnus is about to leave into his portal, he hears the click of heels, then the stressed call of his name.

“Magnus!” It’s Isabelle, slowing down her walk as she approaches Magnus, the wind from the portal blowing her hair ever so gently.

“What’s the matter my dear?” Magnus gives her his full attention, hugging the papers close to his chest.

Checking her surroundings, Isabelle makes sure no one is paying attention to them before speaking. The situation seems to be urgent, not having time to drag him to a private discussion in an office.

“The scan,” Magnus gulps at that, “apparently something went wrong and I’m having to run back to Catarina’s earlier than planned. For your time window, the Shadowhunters aren’t meant to be off duty until later tonight. I would have cancelled their duty in an hour or so if I was he-”

“Stay here, I’ll go and talk to Catarina,” she looks panicked, and rightly so, since the only lead they have is apparently failing, “and you get those Shadowhunters their early break.”

Placing a hand to her forehead, Isabelle sighs, brushing it down the side of her face soon after.

“No. I’ll go,” she gets out her phone, scrolling through contacts until her name lands on Catarina, “go do what you need to do, I _promise_ you’ll see Alec today.”

As Isabelle brings the phone to her ear, Magnus takes her hand and squeezes gently, and the stressed expression on her face seems to dwindle ever so slightly.

“You don’t need to promise me anything.”

“You deserve this today, you two have suffered enough for too long. If I’m exhausted by the end of the day, then so be it if it means you two getting at least a minute together.” Catarina picks up, Isabelle leaning to kiss Magnus’ cheek and then wave as she leaves.

That means so much, Magnus having to stand there and process it for a minute. A _Shadowhunter_ determined for his happiness - Alec was truly changing people.

But perhaps, this was simply Isabelle.

If anyone was strong on the inside as well as out, it’s Isabelle. She fights for what she wants to be right, and her determination to help Magnus brings a whole new light to the situation. Isabelle feels like Alec is family now, that even though she doesn’t know who he is, that she will never be able to say sorry for what happened to him. She can’t imagine the pain he went through, and the countless insults and words she’s heard in this Institute towards Alec makes her feels sick. Calling him names that are countless lies, using his name as an insult itself - yet they have no idea he’s a scared, lost boy in a body that doesn’t feel like his own. It belongs to the fires of Edom, and he wants nothing to do with that hellish nightmare ever again.

Magnus walks through the portal, back to his apartment and the smell of burnt out candles. He left them burning when he left this morning, and with the approaching night, he may light a few more. Flames have never been peaceful for Magnus, but Alec has changed that in some weird way.

Originally, flames were seen as destruction, a heat that blisters skin and leaves scars. And flames still do that, because Alec is living proof. Scars, destruction rising from his fingertips whenever he deems necessary - yet he chooses to burn a different way.

Now when Magnus looks at a flame, like he is now, he’s reminded of Alec.

A small, gentle flame dances on the last candle that remains alive, its shape morphing and dancing elegantly. It reminds him of Alec because of how innocent it is compared to the definition. It’s movement reminds Magnus of those gentle yet strong hands, confidence growing as the catalyst inside his heart ignites. As usual, the flame is also warm, reminding Magnus of Alec’s warm hugs and kisses.

Letting his palm float over the top of the flame, he smiles gently. It doesn’t burn him, as the flame is of his own magic, but that in turn reminds him of Alec.

The face he made when Magnus touched him, the fright yet relief that a recurring fear was finally defeated. Touch was something forbidden for Alec, and then Magnus comes along, holding that fear physically and ripping it into two. Alec was once a flame with no control, but now he can confidently say he’s no longer an inferno, as he’s now a gentle, small candle flame. He can still burn bright and cause the same scars, but overall, he’s no longer seen as a threat and instead, a warm, calming object.

A lot of their kisses and silent whispers have been in the darkness of his apartment, and he’s become accustomed to that, using candles during the night instead of his lights, admiring the natural warmth of the sun in the day.

Omamori and Chairman both come bouncing out of the master bedroom, jumping into the open arms of Magnus as he throws the papers to the floor.

“Hello my darlings,” he fusses Omamori behind her ear, using his other hand to do the same to Chairman, “ever demanding children as always.”

The day doesn’t seem so bad when he comes home to these bundles of energy, especially so if they seem to be getting along. Magnus is quite fed up of cleaning out ripped pieces of furniture and scorch marks from their play fights. Omamori has learned from Magnus’ teachings, but when Chairman’s complete mission is to annoy Omamori, those teachings go straight out the window.

He’s a man of wisdom, years of battles and struggles under his belt - but puppy eyes are still puppy eyes.

Placing them down, he clicks his fingers, illuminating the room in more candles than when he left. A remainder of the sparkling blue magic falls from his fingertips, which Omamori sits and stares at in wonder. There have been a few times where Magnus will make a hologram of birds for Omamori to chase, or small sparkles that she can roll around in. She does remind him of Alec, at how she’s so innocent now, but hides a darker secret inside. What’s most important, is that doesn’t stop her from smiling, and her name continues to bring a smile to Magnus’ face.

Alec has given Magnus what he deemed as protection, his only company in the maze of Edom. Now, she’s Magnus’ little protector, an important part of Alec’s life being trusted with Magnus. Omamori was his only friend, and to give her to Magnus as a symbol of his care, that he wants to be there even when he physically can’t, means the world and more.

She paws at the glitter that lands on the floor, realising it sticks and then running around the room trying to remove it.

Magnus laughs at her little barks, Chairman simply sitting there and inwardly sighing to himself. Having no idea of the schedule, since he cleared his planner especially for this night, he’s struggling what to do.

Waiting has never been a problem, but when his fingertips itch with the need to do _something,_ it’s driving him nuts.

Perhaps he could put the tree up, but it may become a depressing reminder if Alec never arrives. Small decorations may be possible, and that seems like the most fun of either options. A small celebration, but not too much that Magnus starts to think more of the negatives than the positives. There wasn’t much to be negative about though as it was Christmas, with the shining hope of seeing Alec again. Catarina even cancelled their usual drinking plans because she’s _determined_ to get Alec home to him. And if Catarina does that, cancelling a party with him, then consider his hopes royally up.

Taking off his jacket, he feels the fabric slither down his arms behind him, looking down at the papers that obtain the smallest of glows from the fireplace next to them. He was never going to fill them in anyway.

A small flick off his head towards the fireplace sends the empty reports flying into the embers, quickly becoming ash from the heat of the magical flames. Chairman watches, small little curls of his tail occurring as the papers curl from the heat and disappear from existence.

Magnus doesn’t watch them as he walks away, folding his jacket to place on the table, heading towards the kitchen to start making himself a cup of coffee. He knows he needs to decorate, but Magnus also knows he has some time before he starts to do that. Then again, Alec could appear completely unannounced. Magnus would rather be aware of him being on his way than a greater demon turning up at his door at random. He’ll have time to plan some stuff beforehand, not knowing exactly how much time he has, but he can make a rough estimate. Isabelle did say later tonight, so he’s following that for now.

Omamori trails behind him, pawing at Magnus’ legs until she gains his attention. She always likes to watch him make things, and she doesn't dare to eat anything while Magnus isn’t looking if he cooks. She’s mainly just curious, learning new things and understanding the mundane and supernatural world around her. Magnus usually prefers privacy when studying or working, but Omamori is doing nothing wrong by being there. Frankly, he rather enjoys her company, almost as if a little reminder and part of Alec is still there with him through this time.

Hours pass, night rolls in.  

Omamori watched Magnus make his coffee, then was carried by him to the study to do work for clients. Between the Clave and working closely with Catarina, he hasn’t had much time to catch up on being the High Warlock, his requests for assistance piling up on his desk. He doesn’t mind, as half the time, requests for his help either require a really simple potion or something that can easily be solved with some advice. Either way, the work takes his mind of things, especially if he needs to concentrate on a certain potion or writing instructions down.

His books are rather old, and Omamori finds herself sniffing each one, the smells of years gone clinging to the books like their own memories. Magnus watches her gently nudge one with her nose, trying to open the book herself after watching Magnus do it countless times. When she does manage to lift the cover up, Omamori flinches at the loud noise it makes, the heavy material falling against the desk. She looks back apologetically as her ears fall back, tail hung low between her legs.

Magnus chuckles, pushing aside his book and taking the one Omamori has taken interest in.

“What do you have here?” With no harmful words spoken to her, not that Magnus ever would, Omamori cautiously approaches the book, sitting down next to Magnus’ forearm and looking over the pages.

As he flicks through the book of natural wonders, he finds himself lingering on a few images. Places he hasn’t been before, which is surprising for even himself considering his lengthy lifetime. At first, he thought he simply didn’t have time to go there, but looking at these pages again of this timeless book, a journal of a Warlock’s journey in search of rare ingredients – perhaps he never wanted to go in the first place. There’s no significance to going other than his own benefit, and that’s nice, but what else would it do except take time away from his duty?

Omamori seems interested in a few, mostly involving the pages that show the brightest of colours. Eventually, Magnus does finish skimming through it, closing the cover back onto the numerous amounts of pages. At least she seems happy that she got the chance to look at it, as it’s back to exploring and exploring smells in Magnus’ library. His office is rather large, bookshelves being the largest of the furniture, and the mahogany mixed with oak gives it a rather relaxing yet formal atmosphere.

His desk is illuminated by a lamp, as candles do seem a little dangerous with a curious puppy and daredevil cat wondering about, even more so when you place those three things in a room filled with books from precious ages. The rarity of the books varies too, from one of a kind parchments to normal off the store shelf reads, because he does indulge in the most recent books time and time again. Magnus doesn’t find them interesting as he does his timeless classics that he’s kept from years back, but it’s always nice to see how the world’s stories are changing.

Because all in all, he can relate to that. For the first time in what feels like forever, Magnus can feel his story changing, his life taking a new turn where he can’t predict the end. Usually, a story will give hints or foreshadow an event, but this, what he’s going through now? Nothing could have prepared him, not even his years of experience with relationships.

Why? Alec is new, he’s the one _changing_ Magnus’ life, to bring a new chapter that Magnus himself didn’t see coming.

Alec’s that shadow lurking in the dark, the fear of the unknown and the jaws of nightmares. His eyes bleed red like pain, the volume of colour enough to strike fear into the hearts of men who think highly of themselves. Scars of a life once before, an aching reminder of what once was, and what has become of it. He’s that sin that tempts even the most innocent, the most good willed individuals to take one more bite from that apple that they shouldn’t have.

Alec is a demon, a walking monster that children dream, that books speak of and illustrate wildly. Large wings, demonic horns that curl upwards and out, the elongated fangs of his jaw, the talons that break through his skin, the beating heart of embers inside his chest.

He’s all of that, but Magnus doesn’t see that side.

Magnus sees the side of a fallen angel, the story of redemption and a fresh start. As Magnus turns a page, Alec starts a new story entirely, and he’s decided to make Magnus a shining star, his north star. In story terms, he’s the main character, his world – his _end._

A warlock that holds so much power, so much knowledge and wit that no other can stand in his way. Magnus is a leader for more reasons than this, but he’s mostly known for it, and sometimes that can be rather discouraging. Perhaps he doesn’t want people to see this private side, this side where he can sit and watch Omamori be amused by the shiny reflection from his earrings for hours, or how he enjoys a morning in with another by his side. That Magnus, _just_ Magnus is for the one he chooses to give it to.

That’s when his walls fall, not break. Breaking would be sheer force of will or desire, but letting them fall, letting them crumble naturally is what makes his heart flourish. A moment where he realises there is no turning back, no repair or rewind on his heart to stop the pain of falling out of love again.

And this time, it doesn’t feel like walking on a thin line, he feels like he can place his feet, that he can walk without risking breaking through the ice. Magnus did think that a few weeks ago, and sometimes he still does, but that’s only for the Clave.

With Alec, the ground feels firm, that even if he falls and Alec isn’t there to help him, he can stand on his own two feet again. This love they have, it’s so whole, so _unique_ that the world doesn’t know how to break them.

They shouldn’t be together, the laws don’t allow it, yet their hearts do.

And Magnus has always been a strong believer that a person’s heart is their strongest asset, but also their weakest.

A heart worn on the sleeve is one in danger of being broken easily, but one kept hidden fears the cold and never dreams of warmth. The heart is one of life’s games, and even 400 years doesn’t teach you how to win.

You have to learn the rules and tricks yourself, to see through the pain and find the small ounce of happiness you need, and Magnus has finally found that small little piece he can hold on to.

Alec, the insignificant name on a sheet of paper, but the name weighs so much that the paper can’t be held by weak hands. It causes fear, uncertainty, and for Magnus it brings that tingle inside his chest.

Maia’s words still resonate inside – that when you know, you’ll know.

Magnus still can’t let his heart decide for him. Not yet. Not until he knows that he can have Alec, not just a secret affair. If there’s no other way, then he’ll endure a life in shadows with him. _That,_ is how in love with him he is, but as a man of extravagance and dreams, Magnus will not be one to hide. He wants to show the world that he’s won, that he’s found the man he can hold in his arms and not worry that he’ll slip away like sand.

Alec’s fingers don’t feel like sandpaper, even if the skin is calloused from years of training and battles. His skin feels like a soft brush, gently painting small gestures over Magnus’ skin, tracing and remembering each detail like an artist would to recreate some other time. But he won’t go away and use that skill elsewhere, because Alec will remain by his side, to learn and keep practicing until Magnus is the only art he’ll ever see.

All their colours, the warm autumn to the richest of golds, the searing heat of reds -  they are made to be admired, and together they’ll be a glory for whoever tells their story.

And Magnus will be the one to tell it, he’ll shout it to the people who said he would never succeed. He’ll laugh at the faces who called him a waste, the awful comments that ring in his ears from time to time whenever he catches glimpse of a Shadowhunter. Magnus has been a leader of the Downworlders for years and years, but now he’ll be the leader of his own heart.

He’ll be the leader of his start, middle and end with Alec, and he can’t wait to start writing. In honesty, he already has, but the real story begins when they no longer have to hide, where they no longer have to creep around the light to see each other.

Today will mark change.

Magnus is just about finished reading a request from a client when his wards shift.

He immediately knows who it is.

That power that radiates from him, the silent steps yet heavy eyes.

Omamori looks up from the desk, the halted tail suddenly wagging as she spots a familiar face. Magnus wants to look, but he dares look up from his book and become disappointed if it isn’t him.

But he knows it is, Magnus can feel his power, his confidence. He’s changed, something about him different than before that he can’t quite place.

Out of everything, his heart makes the first move, beating so fast that it rings in Magnus’ ears, pulling him from his daze and looking up.

There Alec stands, leaning against the doorframe with his hands comfortably sitting in his jean pockets. The bomber jacket he wore in the picture sent to Magnus’ phone is still on him; the various patches bringing small spots of colour into Magnus’ field of vision.

Alec’s hair is still styled to the side, the scar of his deflect rune cut in two by the moonlight pouring through the window behind Magnus, reaching out into the room like a gentle blanket. And most of all, his smile is what truly makes Magnus move.

No words are said, no words shared, no words lingering. They know what they are, they know how much they’ve missed each other.

This moment, this silence – is for their hearts to hear each other, to sync with one another again after so long.

Alec can’t take his eyes off him, the way the moon shapes a glow around Magnus’ body, the red and golden embroidery shining softly like an angel’s touch. Nothing has changed, as Magnus can still take his breath away just by standing there in all his defined beauty. He looks tired, but that’s his guard falling in front of Alec, finally letting go of that breath he’s been holding ever since Alec had to let go.

And as Magnus gets closer and closer, he notices the hazel shift in more colours than before.

Alec still leans against the doorway, Magnus stopping to stand right in front of him.

Their eyes have never left each other since Magnus saw him standing there, but now they’re closer, they can see new shards of colour they’ve missed before. Distance has changed them both, some in more way than one, but ultimately it’s a good thing, a development needed to break free of any past.

Taking time away has benefited them, to try and clearly think without love blinding their every action. Of course, that wasn’t a bad thing, but Magnus promised himself he would never fall so easily ever again, and that didn’t entirely go to plan. What he did do, however, was ask himself a question, a question he never thought he would be asking for the remainder of his days. There are always dreams, but even magic can’t make them real.

Magnus repeats the question again, but this time he’s staring straight into the eyes of the man who gently holds his heart.

_Is he the one?_

Alec takes one step closer, jacket brushing against the wood of the door, the sound seeming so much louder than it actually is in the silence of the apartment. A nervous hand reaches out, Magnus’ skin already tingling from where he intends to touch.

The hand holds the side of his face, thumb moving across the middle of his cheek as his fingertips tickle the shaved hair at the back of his ear. Magnus finds himself leaning in to it, ever so slightly, blocking some of the light that cuts down half of Alec’s face.

Alec seems stronger, more certain of himself, even though Magnus makes him a nervous wreck. He doesn’t want to do anything wrong, but the only thought he has in his head - is to admire the man he’s missed with heart and soul.

_Is he the one I choose for the final chapter?_

Closing his eyes, Magnus takes a moment to see if the answers to his questions seem any different to when he wasn’t standing in front of him.

He finds they aren’t any different. Magnus’ thoughts are aligned with his heart, no longer guarded by past mistakes and fear pushing those emotions away. This time, Magnus has allowed himself to love, to let every emotion he feels fuel the actions and thoughts he takes.

Yes.

That’s the answer to his question.

He doesn’t need a kiss or a weekend holiday away with Alec to know he’s the one. All Magnus needs, is that feeling inside that he can be _himself,_ that he won’t be judged for his past, that his years are nothing but years. Alec respects him for who he is now, Alec _admires_ him for who he is now. Magnus can feel that, the belonging that holds itself close to his chest, something Alec has given him when he thought Alec was the one to feel that first.

Alec let’s him be Magnus, and so much more.

That’s how he knows Alec is the last chapter, the last chance he’ll give himself to love another soul, because this _is_ the last time. Alec has taken every ounce of emotion and doubled it, from sadness to laughter, Alec has felt it all. There are some he hasn’t, but those are for later, when questions don’t need to be asked and hands need to explore.

For now, they just need to say that their love is finally complete again, the two halves of one whole becoming one. Magnus knows there's a time limit, but right now, time is under their control.

Time hangs still, watching the two lovers stand there silently in mutual respect. Words might be too heavy, words might be too hard to speak when their hearts are threatening to beat out of their chest.

And Magnus moves first.

He looks from Alec’s eyes to his lips, just for one second, then looks back towards his eyes again. Alec must have noticed, because the hand on the side of his face moves down to his neck.

Magnus sighs, lips parting as Alec’s thumb brushes over his adams apple, fingertips tickling the back of his head and scratching the shortened hairs. Alec never takes his eyes off him, and neither does Magnus, their bodies pulled closer by strings. Their hearts pull at one another, reaching out to get closer and closer until only a breath can fit between their bodies.

That’s when Magnus can read the finest detail in the hazel of his eyes, the shards that shine under the moon, but also the feelings and thoughts that control his actions. Magnus can read the words Alec can’t speak, and Alec can read the same in Magnus’ eyes.

_I missed you._

Magnus lifts both of his arms, framing Alec’s face like he’s done before, the familiar hold that Alec’s shoulders loosen from.

Their foreheads connect, and now their eyes both fall to lips in combined need. Words can’t speak for them, their tongues tied with overwhelming emotion.

Second by second, their lips gets closer, a breaths distance away from saying hello, saying that they love each other. Actions do speak louder than words sometimes, and Alec’s little brush of his nose against Magnus’ tells him a whole story.

There’s no rush for Alec to kiss him, there’s no rush to end this moment before it’s even started. A hunger builds inside, a heat that pulses with a wish to show every inch of Magnus’ soul that he wants nothing more than Magnus. This is it for him, one love and one love only.

Perhaps it’s time for the demon to take a step back, to let a real Prince assume control, because Magnus does just that.

The grip on his face pulls at Alec’s jaw, their lips ghosting over each other slowly, eyes still interlocked as nerves start to ignite. Equally, their bodies begin repairing the gears that have simultaneously broken from their lovers absence.

And that’s when hands fall into place, when their hearts tie their strings together to sing the same tune.

And Magnus kisses him, eyes closed, breathing in through his nose as his fingernails scrape over the back of Alec’s head, raven locks tickling over his skin as he does so. A tingling sensation shoots down Alec’s spine, spreading out into his legs and kicking that one nerve that makes him take one impossible step closer.

Each of their actions affect another, a continuous story controlled by them.

Magnus’ back arches, hands pulling Alec’s head gently to follow him, their lips staying locked as he leans ever so slightly over him.

Alec finds a place for his lonely hand, centering it in the small of his back, aiding the arch as Magnus moves under his command, bodies brushing together as every movement fuels more heat in the blood of their veins.

Breaking the kiss for oxygen, the room only has sounds of laboured breaths and hands over fabric. Alec skates a finger up Magnus’ spine, the touch feeling like a feather through his shirt that instantly produces warm chills crawling over skin.

He’s missed him _so much,_ Magnus’ and Alec’s bodies both relishing in the warm feeling of being together again, the way they just seem to _click_ back together like nothing ever happened.

Magnus sees the shift in Alec’s eyes, the red that slowly starts to creep in and settle with the hazel. Alec still has control, but with Magnus, he feels like losing it all, to give it to him and _let go._

There’s a time for that, and Alec can’t see if it’s now or some other time. It doesn’t matter, not when all he wants and ever needs is standing right in front of him. He’s focusing on Magnus, the cause of his love and the life he has at this very second.

When his hand stops at the small of his back from exploring his spine, Alec finally has the courage to speak.

_“Hey.”_

Magnus smiles, the whisper soothing him, the gentle crack in his voice an obvious result of not speaking for so long and just kissing. He doesn’t say anything back, and Alec knows he doesn’t. His actions speak for him.

He pushes him gently against the wall next to them, a hand to Alec’s chest. Alec can feel his nails through his black shirt, the skin there aching for the contact without fabric blocking it. Magnus has his eyes trained on Alec’s, the spark of red increasing in volume as Magnus inches closer and closer to his lips again.

“Hello,” is what he replies, taking Alec’s lips again straight after.

Their eyes close, their hands falling into place as switches flip. Demonic blood begins to boil, magic thundering at the fingertips of a warlock. Every action has a reaction, and their kisses catch fire.

Omamori has fled the room, the moonlight their only witness again.

A need takes hold, Magnus removing his hands from Alec’s hair, a groan of protest sounding from Alec’s throat. But it’s not long before his signal for more is answered, Magnus taking both of Alec’s arms from his waist and pinning them up against the wall, keeping them above his head.

The loss of control and grip around his wrists sends small electric sparks of magic down the surface of Alec’s skin, followed by a wave of heat chasing after it like a pack of wild dogs.

Magnus makes him reach for his lips, just enough to see the vein in Alec’s neck pop a little more, and he doesn’t stop reaching for his lips, even when Magnus challenges him further. He moves too far to kiss, Alec’s eyes seeing the challenging mix of Magnus’ eyes, the sly run of his tongue against his bottom lip that stings every bone in Alec’s body.

Challenging a demon might be a bad mistake, but definitely not his worst.

It takes seconds for Alec to break from his hold, the red in his eyes that struggled to reach out suddenly blooming over the hazel like ink to water. It’s flourish over the surface of his eyes was mesmerising, and Magnus gets to watch it all. Only Magnus can see the seasons change in his eyes, the sin of lust ever present in the various saturations of red.

Alec’s arms break from Magnus’ grip, Magnus having to place them on Alec’s chest to keep contact for his starving heart. The wall still sees Alec’s back, but soon it sees Magnus’.

Alec moves his hands to the back of his thighs, hoisting Magnus up like he’s done it a thousand times, turning and placing the warlock against the wall instead. The breath is knocked from him, and Alec is quick to kiss along the edge of his jaw.

Magnus let’s his head fall back against the wall, hands sweeping up Alec’s chest and hiding under the collar of his bomber jacket. He moves his hands further back as his legs lock around Alec’s waist, curving his whole body towards the demon’s. The bomber jacket begins to fall off his shoulders, and Alec struggles to let go of where his hands hold.

They are still on his thighs, thumbs digging in gently to spark nerves, his body becoming more and more alive with each kiss Alec places on his skin. But Alec eventually does move his arms, spreading them back to shake off the jacket Magnus wants to remove. His teeth scrape delicately over skin, harsh breaths spreading over the surface like a rolling storm.  Every time he goes to bite, Magnus tenses, but releases the grip on Alec’s shirt as he simply kisses him instead. That threshold between craving and sanity was becoming ever so thin, and Alec was scared he would lose himself too much if it got the better of him. But with Magnus here, he was calm, hunger being natural for the man he’s been attracted to ever since he laid eyes on him.

The jacket hits the ground in a lump, Alec’s hand returning and hugging his waist. Their lips haven’t stopped kissing ever since they started again, tongues occasionally dancing but not too much, a controlled kiss that lingers on the edge of losing control.

Now the jacket is gone, Magnus can massage his fingers into the broad shoulders of Alec, feeling every move of muscles beneath the black shirt as hands scope the warlock’s body. Those muscles work slowly, shifting and moulding the skin around it, Magnus feeling the very power beneath his fingertips, magic reaching out and tumbling into his lover. Alec feels the magic soak into his bones, the chilled fire of Magnus aiding each movement. Magnus beams at the fact that those muscles are working for him, that those muscles are the ones in a long chain controlling the hands that hold him so tenderly. Each part of Alec is finely tuned, and he swears he can feel the wings beneath skin shuffle under Magnus’ touch.

Nosing at the edge of his jaw, Alec pushes his chest forward, trapping Magnus against the wall and hearing the breath willingly forced from his lungs. Nails dig into his skin through Alec’s shirt, his eyes closed from euphoria of being admired like this, where Alec’s every focus is entirely Magnus.

Bringing his head back up, their eyes meet again, Alec seeing the small glitters of gold starting to wake over the surface. His cat eyes, the glamour slowly fizzing out.

And then he takes his lips again, teeth pulling at Magnus’ bottom lip, watching the brown break into gold slither by slither.

Magnus thumbs at the frame of Alec’s ear, bringing him closer so that their lips can kiss once again, for what feels like the hundredth time that night. Alec’s hands scope his behind, down the backs of his thighs, then back up to his waist again.

 _“Alec,”_ Magnus whispers, finding a small break between their lips to speak, Alec waits for the next word eagerly, hands still roaming each other’s bodies, “do you want this?”

Alec brushes his hand up Magnus’s side, the other hand delayed on the other side of Magnus’ body to swarm sensations through him. The conflicting speeds and pressure makes his body twist into Alec, his fingers holding onto Alec’s shirt, pulling at the material of his chest.

Magnus has to rely on his lower body strength when Alec lets go, his legs locked around his lover’s waist being the only anchor as Alec’s hands cup his face.

 _“With you,”_ Alec gently kisses his lips once, taking time to pull apart again, “ _always._ ”

Words like that hold his heart, Magnus’ smile contagious as Alec smiles back into their kiss.

What did that question mean? Was it their relationship? Sex? It doesn’t matter, because Alec said _always._

_He’ll always be there for him._

He’ll be there through everything, for _and_ with Magnus.

Magnus tugs again at his shirt, pulling Alec closer so he’s caged in safety between Alec and the wall. But Alec doesn’t want to do that for too long, as he takes hold of his thighs again, moving Magnus from the wall as his arms hug him, their kiss still on fire as Alec leaves the room.

Alec carries him, one hand moving up Magnus’ back, fingers spread and pressuring his fingertips in all the right places. Magnus’ silk shirt creases under the pressure of his fingers, hot skin exposed to the cold air of the apartment as Alec walks towards the bedroom.

He almost hits a wall, and Magnus breaks their kiss by laughing, their smiles shining brighter than the moon.

“You’re awfully clumsy for a warrior.” Magnus jokes, biting his bottom lip between his teeth as Alec smirks.

“I’m a little distracted right now,” he laughs again, Magnus smiling from ear to ear at Alec’s own happiness, “would you rather walk?”

Alec bumps into another wall, almost dropping Magnus, but having the reaction time to catch him.

His head is thrown back in laughter, Alec watching as for the first time in forever, he’s seeing Magnus smile much brighter than before. This is natural, this laughter, these smiles.

All of it because of their love, one smile, one kiss, one touch after another.

“Well I do have legs,” he squeezes his legs around Alec’s waist a little more to prove his point, “but I won’t complain about being carried by a rather attractive man to my bedroom.”

“Bedroom?” Alec clicks his tongue, “shit, I was planning on the kitchen.”

“Oh, were you now? Didn’t take you for a counter top type of guy.” Magnus winks as Alec continues towards their bedroom, managing to avoid walls this time.

“What? I was actually going to cook some food?” His questionable expression doesn’t last long, Magnus shaking his head at his awful joke, hands holding his face again as he kisses him.

When they reach the bedroom, Alec kicks the door closed with his foot, hands searching up Magnus’ back in search of sounds he’s heard before. Walking to the bed seems like hours, lost in kissing and exploration of hands.

But when they do fall, Alec’s back is the first to hit the sheets. And there’s no pause, as Alec reaches out the same time Magnus does, quickly locking their lips back together as Magnus crawls over the top of him. Smiles shine bright, Magnus moving to brush into his hair, Alec losing his breath a little when Magnus tugs.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you so much,” Alec speaks between the pause, fingertips searching through Magnus’ hair and scratching the shaved parts, “I can’t leave you again.”

“I didn’t go a day without thinking about you,” Magnus replies, sitting up to grab at the buttons of his own shirt, undoing each one as Alec watches from below, “it really is hell on earth without you here.”

Red eyes watch every movement of his fingers, his chest moving out of rhythm from hungry lungs, lips slightly parted to intake more air through this pause. Magnus is straddling his waist, and Alec feels every ounce of heat rush down his body like a waterfall. The moonlight paints over his chest, some veins of light even reaching his face, illuminating one of the red eyes that admires Magnus from afar.

Magnus knows he’s there, and he looks down at him as the first button breaks free, a fjord of gold breaking through brown as he reveals his cat eyes, the pure power bleeding through a glamour used to protect his feelings. Now he’s letting them go, letting Alec see his true eyes as he sees Alec’s.

Sitting up slowly, pushing up with his elbows that sit against the sheets, Alec kisses the skin of Magnus’ chest that’s just been unbuttoned. Magnus sighs, letting Alec take over for just a moment as something overwhelming hits him.

Alec is _kissing his heart,_ Alec’s hands brushing the fabric of the shirt down over his shoulders, down his arms and stopping just short of his bicep as more buttons block the way.

Magnus can feel his heart swell, hands weaving through Alec’s hair as he closes his eyes. Each kiss feels more precious than the last, and the skin covering his heart is laced with many, his breaths laboured with the rising heat of the room.

When the kisses finally stop, Alec brings his head back up to Magnus’, their eyes meeting again just like before in their silent promises. Alec can see the gold that looks back at him.

And Magnus can watch Alec’s, the red, demonic eyes that should trance him and fuel nightmares, but all they do is make him feel _loved._ That out of everyone in the world, the billions of people, Alec chooses to look at Magnus. His eyes have changed, the red no longer consuming, but oranges breaking into the colours of his demonic blood. Alec’s hazel eyes are cutting through, showing how much Alec has truly taken control of what powers he holds.

The battle of the two warmest hues, gold and red, but remaining in harmony.

Two colliding powers meet face to face. Magnus’ eyes shining brighter than Alec’s, and rightly so, because their natural beauty outshines even the moon.

“I can’t live without you,” Magnus whispers against his lips, holding his hands against Alec’s chest, “and I-”

Magnus jumps at the knock at his apartment door, loud and repetitive. He hasn’t been paying attention to anything else but Alec, so the warning from his wards was ignored.

Alec’s eyes take on a whole new colour, aggressive and bold as danger becomes imminent. But Magnus doesn’t seem phased, just, _confused?_

He pats Alec’s chest, Alec looking back to Magnus from his previous demonic glare against the door to the bedroom.

“It’s Isabelle,” Alec looks even more confused. She just told him to go to Magnus’ place, so why come here unannounced? “something’s wrong.”

Immediately, the couple stand up, ignoring the hunger and desire in their hearts to be there for a dear friend that isn’t acting like they usually do. Magnus gestures for Alec to stay behind the door to their bedroom, not sure if this is a test from the Shadowhunters. Usually his wards don't lie, but he doesn’t know the lengths the Clave will go to with this search.

Her knocks get louder, and as Magnus approaches the door, not bothering to fix his shirt, he is shocked at what he sees.

The usual strong leader, fierce posture is no more.

Isabelle is _crying._

“W-where is he?” she mumbles, hugging her arms and trying to sniff her tears away, but they’re too heavy.

Magnus doesn’t know what to say, does this mean-?

_The scan._

Isabelle walks into the room as Magnus open the door wider, searching for Alec as her tears still fall. They still do, until Isabelle hears a creak from the bedroom.

And she freezes.

When she sees him, her tears fall even more, her face shifting to one of sheer sadness as she squeezes her arms around herself. Looking at Alec seems to hurt her, but she can’t look away.

Alec reaches the beginning of the corridor, his hair a mess from Magnus’ hands. He can’t bare to see Isabelle crying, and he knows it has to be about him, because her entire world falls apart as he steps into the light.

Isabelle runs towards him, and Alec won’t fight back, turning his head away as he closes his eyes, hands up in surrender.

But a blade never comes, his ashes don’t fall.

The first thing he feels, is tears staining through his shirt, the patches of darker black appearing one by one as Isabelle can no longer hold it back. She hugs around his waist, her makeup rubbing as her breaths mix with tears, her cries the only sound in the room.

Magnus watches them, closing the door gently as a puzzle piece starts to make sense.

“Isabelle..?” His hands still hang in the air, not wanting to touch her even if she seems to be holding onto Alec for dear life.

“You - you’re my _brother,”_ she chokes out her words, gripping the back of his shirt, “you’re my _family.”_

Alec feels something pull at his chest, a memory that was long gone falling into place.

He’s found a member of his family, and with it, the rest. All this time, she’s been here, and he didn’t even _know._

Alec bites his bottom lip, trembling as his hands fall, hugging Isabelle back as he chokes on a few breaths. Shoulders lose tension and his fingers shake. Only when Isabelle speaks again, does he finally let the fears fall.

 _“I’m so sorry Alec. I’m so sorry-”_ she can’t speak anymore, sadness stealing away her words as tears fall freely again.

Alec hugs her, crying into her hair as his hands shake with shock, his fingers twitching from the surge of new emotions he can’t recognise

He’s found his family.

_“I’m your brother?”_

Isabelle’s silent nod against his chest says it all.

His heart breaks when he says it inside his head, building himself back together piece by piece, and he honestly can’t imagine a time where this happens.

But now it is, he’s holding his _sister_ , he’s a _Lightwood._

Magnus walks over, a few tears looming from the happiness he feels for the two siblings. They lost each other, but not even the angels can erase blood, they can’t erase who he was born as.

Alec looks up to see him, the red of his demon eyes replaced by a shimmering hazel, the tears heavy as he continues to breathe stuttered breaths. And as he walks closer, Magnus kisses his cheek, Alec removing one hand from Isabelle to let him join the hug.

It’s humid and full of tears, but Alec wants his family here, and that involves Magnus. Alec continues to cry as Isabelle seems to settle, occasional sniffles from her thoughts as the siblings continue to embrace.

This opens so many doors, and for Alec, it’s a Christmas present he never dreamed of receiving.

A family.

“I’m sorry I-,” Alec’s words breaks again, _“I’m sorry for the loss I caused you. I’m sorry I abandoned you.”_

Isabelle hugs Alec impossibly closer, crying into his chest again. He blames himself for whatever he did, that he’s the reason she’s suffered the loss of not having a brother there to support her.

“I don’t care. All that matters is that you’re here, and you’re _safe. You’re alive.”_

There’s a moment where Isabelle pulls away, looking up at her big brother and smiling. Magnus speaks up, a small little chuckle breaking through his lips.

“I knew deep down that there was something about you two,” and the _Lightwood siblings_ turn to look at Magnus, “your leadership qualities and heroic tendencies to put other people first. I never wanted to jinx it before it was proven.”

He lets one thumb remove the tears from Alec’s cheek, Alec removing one of his sister’s as he turns back to her.

“I’m so happy you found each other again, no brother and sister relationship like yours deserves to be broken. You’re both leaders in your own right, and you both care more about the world than most people think.”

Isabelle turns to Magnus, pulling him into a hug.

“Thank you, for giving my b-brother a chance so that I could find him again,” Isabelle can’t say the word brother without it squeezing her lungs. Alec places a comforting hand on her shoulder, “we both owe you a thank you, and I don’t think I can ever thank you enough.”

Magnus smiles warmly, tears falling from the corners of his eyes, but Alec is there, eyes puffy himself from emotion as he kisses his tears away. Alec reaches around Magnus and Isabelle, holding them close as he kisses their heads once, resting his cheek on Isabelle’s hair, Magnus’ head resting in the crook of Alec’s neck.

Finally, more pieces fit into Alec’s seemingly never ending puzzle, but it doesn’t make his world weigh any more. In fact, it feels more like freedom, the tension in his shoulders falling like the snow that starts outside.

Magnus can see it from just over the back of Alec’s neck, the two pigeons that usually call his window ledges home back once again.

The pigeons sit side by side, leaning onto each other and providing warmth in the cold of the winter. Magnus closes his eyes, hugging around Alec’s waist closer, Alec hugging back with a small squeeze as he sighs.

Magnus is happy.

Isabelle feels whole.

Alec doesn’t feel lost.

It’s a start to the Christmas they all desperately need. A happy, fulfilling and warming one.

Alec can’t let go. He fears that if he does, he’ll lose everything again. Or more importantly, he’ll lose his sister, and with that the open door to more of his past.

Having already accepted not knowing, Alec expected to live the rest of his life without that knowledge, but now he can’t imagine not knowing Isabelle is his little sister. The way she clings to him like his ashes would fall any moment, or moving her head up to look at his face, equally red in the eyes from tears. They both cry for different reasons, but the same one would be is that they’ve found each other again. Isabelle no longer sees that shadow figure, but the face she looks up to as an idol. Alec can look down and imagine her small smile when she was little, their childhood together one he wishes he could see and laugh remembering. But he can’t, and he probably won’t ever regain it, that’s what he has to come to terms with now. Isabelle and Alec’s childhood, their development from young Shadowhunters to fully fledged warriors, and Alec feels a burst of pride that Isabelle is the leader of the Institute.

Most importantly, he’s a Lightwood.

Magnus left the pair embracing in silence, moving off to get tissues and a hot beverage for both of them. On his return, Isabelle seemed more stable, but her hand was still on Alec’s arm, that nervous tick inside her saying she needs to hold on. She doesn’t want this to be some sort of sick dream to get her hopes up, she wants it to be real. There’s a sign it is real, and that’s her eyes feeling sore, vision blurry in some parts from the tears that refuse to follow after many others. Then there’s her lungs, hurting from the constant inhales and exhales of her broken sobs. Her throat hurts from constricting her lungs so much, and her legs feel mentally too heavy to walk on anymore. Last, but not least, is her heart, tired from the emotions that consumed her in that short second when she saw Alec step into the light.

Seeing him then, with that new information, all of her initial thoughts began to make sense. When she saw that jacket Magnus had before, and how familiar it felt even though she’s never seen it in her life. Everything about Alec was screaming Lightwood, from how he looks to the way he thinks about the world around him. Granted, he’s nothing like their parents, but those introductions or reunions in their case can wait. Isabelle doesn’t even know if that’s possible, if Maryse would even accept her son back because of what he is now.

Did she before?

As Magnus goes to hand Isabelle her tea, she waves her hand, soon shaking her head. She goes to speak, but her words stop short as she sniffs again. Magnus knows the struggle of makeup running, so snaps his thumb and forefinger to summon a makeup wipe to his hand for Isabelle to take instead. Alec still holds her gently around her waist, knowing she needs the comfort while her body and mind try to deal with this news.

“I should really get going, Maia is waiting for me and I’ve already disturbed the time I promised you guys. I just needed to see him, I wanted him to know.” Rubbing the makeup gently under her eyes, she laughs at now just noticing Magnus’ shirt.

Magnus chuckles himself, moving a lock of hair behind Isabelle’s ear.

“I care more about both of you, and now you know you’re brother and sister, I’m not going to be selfish just because I was promised this time,” looking to Alec for a moment, he sees how warmly he smiles down at her, big brother instincts already kicking in as if they were still there the whole time, “if you need the time, I’ll give it to you. There will be plenty more days Alec and I will have together.”

Alec looks from Isabelle to Magnus, the swell of love in his heart growing even more, feeling the tears once more building behind his eyes. Magnus spoke of more days, instantly nulling the shake in his fingers. And frankly, this could be the start of more daya now that they have this information.

“I really appreciate that, Magnus,” she inhales deeply, turning to Alec and patting his stomach, smiling up at him as he smiles back, “I owe my brother time with his boyfriend, as long as you come over tomorrow for Christmas dinner at Maia’s.”

Magnus has to check twice she said that correctly. Invited to Maia’s?

“Oh, of course!” He looks to Alec to check if he agrees, but there’s no doubt he would agree anyway since he might have to go back there tomorrow. “That would be lovely, thank you.”

Alec hasn’t said much, his mind struggling to place these new emotions into categories, but eventually giving up and just living in the moment he has. Isabelle and Magnus don’t pressure him, and that really makes Alec feel at ease to adjust to this his own way, and there is probably so much information to go over from the scan that there is practically not enough time tonight overall.

“Plus, I did promise Maia I would watch some awful Christmas movies with her tonight, and I really can’t keep my queen waiting, can I?” Isabelle makes herself laugh, wiping away a stray tear that falls from gravity, not forced by others following after.

“Isabelle?” Alec begins, having his sister look up to him and wonder what on earth he could ask.

He brings her into a bigger hug, swaying slightly as he closes his eyes.

“Merry Christmas, little sister.”

Four words, and tears begin to flow again. But this time it’s with a smile, closing her eyes and squeezing back.

“Merry Christmas to you too, big brother.”

After that, the siblings part and exchange smiles, their eyes filled with moisture again, but no more tears. Enough have been shed tonight, and with a new horizon dawning tomorrow, who knows what awaits Alec and his group of friends after this new block of data about who Alec really is.

Magnus offers Isabelle another hug, gesturing her closer as he stretches his arms wide. Isabelle accepts it with laughter, a sound that is welcomed after sobs, thanking him for the makeup wipe to remove the black smudges down her cheeks.

Isabelle can’t stop smiling as she leaves the pair, struggling to close the door behind her. But as soon as she does, her lungs release the air she held from tears. Placing a hand on her chest, she squeezes her jacket and begins to walk back to the elevator. Not believing what happened, she spends most of the night in Maia’s comfort, watching the movies as promised and enjoying less stress pulling at her heart.

Alec meanwhile, doesn’t stop staring at the door until he feels a hand on his waist. Magnus places a warming, comforting hand to the side of his face also, a thumb wiping his stray tear away. Alec closes his eyes shortly after that, a deep hum in his chest sounding as the cold settle in the apartment. Small gestures like this calm him more than anything, and with the sudden shift in atmosphere, Alec really needs that grounding sense of reality. Magnus is exactly that, moving closer so that he presses his forehead against his lovers, letting him know that he’s there.

Falling into him, Alec wraps his arms around his waist, pressing his face into the crook of Magnus’ neck, Magnus soothing his hands up and down the demon’s spine.

“You alright?” he asks, Magnus’ voice a gentle whisper.

“It’s…” Alec pauses, breathing in Magnus’ cologne to calm himself down, bringing himself back up shortly after. Alec looks exhausted, “a lot to process.”

Moving his thumb gently again, he moves his other hand to sweep it through Alec’s hair, then down to sit on the side of his neck.

“You have time,” he smiles, and Alec replies with one of his own, gently brushing his lips against Magnus, then kissing him once softly, then again, “and we’ll all help you. But right now, I think you need to sleep.”

Alec laughs, pressing both his hands to Magnus’ chest and soothing them over the surface of his skin.

“We we’re halfway there,” winking, Alec watches Magnus catch on, “and I can’t believe I didn’t even take you to dinner first.”

“Cries his eyes out but can still flirt, you truly are a demon.” Magnus takes his hand, squeezing ever so slightly as he begins to walk to the bedroom.

“Demon to some, fallen angel to others, insanely hot boyfriend to one.”

“And who is the lucky guy?” Magnus replies, curious as he turns around, walking backwards to the bedroom.

“That gorgeous, talented, wise and strong man is standing right in front of me,” he takes Magnus’ face between his palms, placing one quick kiss against his lips, “and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

The couple head to the bedroom slowly after that, gentle touches and silent whispers as they get ready for bed.

And it’s true, that Alec wouldn’t have this any other way. His love for Magnus, his newly discovered family, fresh friends - he would never trade it for anything.

He’s so close to finishing the seemingly never ending puzzle, and when he places that final piece, he wants to be holding Magnus’ hand while he does it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this one! and that you're not angry at me with the ending :') in my opinion, it's still too early for them, but I couldn't just have them sit down and have a cup of tea yknow? they missed each other like crazy and being that far apart for so long - they wouldn't have carried on though even if Isabelle wasn't there to knock on the door.
> 
> Congrats to the people who got their names in this fic! I mighy be doing a little event like that on my twitter again in the future :)
> 
> The christmas day chapter is next! see you then, you lovely people!
> 
> also I saw one of you beg for a training scene, and well - it's coming in the future! ;) anon commenting has ben enabled for this fic - I'm always looking to improve, so if you have comments you want to share but don't want a name to it, please go ahead!
> 
> thanks to Lisa for reading this through!! you're a real mvp


	14. Our Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was meant to be the Christmas Day chapter, and it still is, just the morning part got out of hand and didn't want to make you guys wait that long, so have an extra chapter! a twitter poll also decided who 'falls' in this chapter, maybe you'll guess what that is when it arrives.
> 
> i've updated the spotify playlist with two more songs, and will add more as I find them!
> 
> // warnings! - mentions of dark pasts, nsfw (but remember, nothing ever gets too explicit in my writing!)
> 
> enjoy! thank you for the continued support! you're all awesome
> 
> tag your reactions with #ODSfic on twitter or tumblr! I'll give you the link to my tumblr at the end of the chapter :)
> 
> happy reading, people!

He thinks he’ll lose his mind, or he’ll wake up at any point and return to his life before Alec. It’s not that he wants to, but life has always found a way to screw him over. This time he’s been promised with his immortality, his relationship with Alec, is it all real?

Magnus shouldn’t be thinking negative, but he can’t help but wonder if this is the part of his life where he finally gets to smile, and smile for a long time instead of just patches over the course of his lifetime. It’s not that he hasn’t been happy, but relationship wise, he hasn’t found a person worth his immortality. Too early might be the word to say for himself and Alec, but he sincerely believes that Alec is the one. What Maia said about him, how he’s scared just like any other mundane about where his life will take him, Magnus can relate in some ways.

Magnus is a dreamer, but he’s also a believer. He believes that Alec is his chance for that immortal happiness, that immortal love that will sleep by his side through thick and thin. He’s already kept his promise of not giving in to his demonic urges, as he left those Shadowhunters of Valentine’s army alive. Injured, but alive. Also counting the overall progression, Magnus doesn’t see it stopping any time soon.

He’s gone from a demon who was content with living out his punishment in Edom, to one who tasted freedom and wants to keep it. When Magnus summoned Alec, one of the switches flipped, and the Alec who wanted to explore a whole new world was born. And who was the man to give him that small taste?

Magnus.

Then Alec found familiarity in Magnus, that little burning fire inside of him that wants to become brighter. Two lonely hearts realising they could sing together after a struggle through walls of defence, and it’s weird to think that Magnus wanted nothing to do with him over a month ago. Perhaps it’s all inside his head, the last attempt for his past broken hearts to whisper negative thoughts. If Alec breaks his heart this time, he’ll be left hollow, a frame like Alec was to never attempt searching for that emotion again. Of course, that’s never true because of his immortal life time, as he’ll have plenty of chances to find the one. However, for Magnus, that’s what it feels like for him.

If Alec really isn’t the one, then why would his heart swell when he sees Alec beam at him? Why does his body shiver with excitement when Alec curves his hands over his thighs? Why does his glamour break in front of him when he’s been hiding it for years?

Alec isn’t the only one with development as a person, as Magnus feels his entire entity changing around the greater demon.

Magnus can look at himself in the mirror and feel the confidence he usually exudes instead of just wearing it like a coat. He’s no longer scared of showing his cat eyes, even if the slight tick of nerves still remain because of their state at the time. If Alec is too distracted by his lips and hands to think otherwise of his true eyes, then what does he really think? He’s yet to know, but there’s that one single butterfly that still flutters at the thought of the beautiful words he’ll speak of.

Why does he think so confidently? Because Alec makes him that way.

He’s waited all this time, has never kissed another or thought of feeding his urges while he can’t see Magnus. Alec has stayed loyal, always asking about him and removing himself from Magnus’ side for their combined safety. Alec understands the weight he carries, and ultimately wants to respect that. He’s willing to take the time he’s been given to learn, to understand and develop into the person he wants to be. That just so happens to be falling in love with Magnus, or already in love.

_I want you to remember, that the Alec I am now, will always love you. No matter what._

Ever since he said them, the words have stuck with him. They’re the words that fuel his heartbeat a little more, the words that drive him to take that one step closer to the Institute to fight for them. Their relationship. Their _love._

Alec was scared of losing himself, because finding the beauty in this world was too heartbreaking to leave again. Memories are important, but to Alec they are the defining movements in who he becomes, and as each day passes and those memories build up, he remembers why he keeps fighting. Whatever he did, he’s been given a fresh start, and Alec will kick himself back down to Edom if he doesn’t take that chance. This time however, it’s not just for himself, but the people he’s come to know.

Madzie, the small warlock who deemed him as the enemy at first glance like anyone else. It hurt to see her point directly at Alec, to label him as the enemy when he was here to save her. But what’s become of that, the trust and friendship he’s gained from the youngest of hearts shows that even kids can see the real monsters in the dark. She still knows he’s a demon, and she’s well aware of what he can do from being at Catarina’s and watching a few sessions, but she still remains believing in him.

Then there’s Catarina, a fierce woman on her own, but leader of many. Her medical skills are unmatched, and even Magnus has to learn from her occasionally. To have her expertise help Alec define what his body is, he can’t thank her enough. Initially, Catarina frowned at the thought of Magnus risking his entire legacy to go after his heart so suddenly. But then she started to see who Alec really is, what he means to Magnus. Alec is more than a high school dare, or a once in a lifetime opportunity to say he’s done it with a demon - but that wasn’t the case. She saw how Magnus nervously repeated his gestures when circumstances involved Alec, especially so when he begins to talk about him. Magnus gains new life, and from that, Catarina started to warm up to the fact that maybe this greater was much more than a knock on his belt. He was Magnus’ new hope, a start at something _new_ and _final._

Ragnor seems indifferent, simply sighing when Alec gets heart eyes as Catarina talks about Magnus during their sessions. As long as the demon doesn’t destroy Magnus’ heart, he has nothing wrong with him. And why is he like this? Because he trusts that this time, Magnus’ heart knows what it wants. Sometimes it takes pain to see where your weaknesses lie, where your needs want to travel down traversing paths. Magnus Bane would never willingly skate around Shadowhunters for just anyone. He also knows that Magnus is strong enough, that he can trust Magnus to make a decision this time that won’t cost his lungs crying about. Ragnor can see it in the way he carries himself, that certain posture magnified by the warm hands that hold his heart instead of slowly crushing it between their fingers. He never imagined Magnus falling in love with a greater demon, but love doesn’t need to match a face, or a name, or a gender. If it’s love, it’s love.

Isabelle, his lost sister. Alec will not let fate rip them apart again, not when he’s made her suffer so blindly for the years he’s been down there. And even without that knowledge, she chooses to trust Alec and help him. She sees the good in people even when others don’t give a care to even try. Even when her position was under complete stress, she still fought hard to keep their mission going, to help Alec and Magnus. Her gut feeling was right, and seeing Alec’s eyes so red from tears began to spun her world again. Not because he was hurting, but because he missed her. Tears don’t come from nothing, and if anything, they proved that the bond between them is still there even after the flames tore Alec to pieces. The way he hugged her, the way he called her his little sister, it was a familiar feeling that felt like home again.

Maia, his best friend that Alec can rely on for anything. She started this train, and even if she doesn’t drive it now, she’s still a member of it. Her witty and confident personality reminds him of Magnus - if Magnus was a shapeshifting werewolf with the tendency to give him a motherly glare if he steals more food out of the cupboard before lunch. Alec did call her his ‘sister from another mister’ which was a saying he caught from the internet, much to Maia’s annoyance. However, now Maia and Isabelle are dating, he can’t say that, but he’s happy that his real sister, Isabelle, has found love in a strong, caring woman such as Maia. Not only do her fighting skills and prowess inspire Alec in his own training, but Alec feels safe around her. He doesn’t have to keep his guard up incase something goes wrong , because he knows how well she can take care of herself. That’s not to say he wouldn’t risk his life to save her, but he imagines it’ll be Maia saving his ass and not the other way around.

And then, there’s Magnus.

His heart, his love, his everything and more.

Nothing beats waking up next to him. Nothing replaces the smile on his face. Not even the sun can compete with the warmth his company and words provide. The way his nails delicately draw patterns into his skin, the tingles that follow them and leave his body completely content.

The man that risks everything to hold his hand, the man that risks his own reputation to kiss Alec freely as a love he never wants to leave. Magnus has chosen him, Alec’s heart and soul to fall in love with again, and when Maia spoke of how scared he was of failing Alec’s new heart, he’s never wanted to prove someone so wrong. If anything, Magnus has been the one to give him a heart. From not believing or understanding the word love itself, to wanting to feel it every day and embrace it. Magnus has taught him so many emotions, from the good to the bad, and he’s thankful he’s been there through them all, holding the hand that he won’t let go and chooses not to let go. When Alec spoke of being in love with Magnus no matter what, that’s what he meant. Even if the tides of the ocean swallow him whole, or the fires of Edom burn him back to the empty mind he was not long ago - Alec will still love him. The strongest emotion he’s ever felt is that love for Magnus, and it’s not going away any time soon, as it will always be there, centered in his chest as the warm glow that weaves new feathers for his wings.

Perhaps Magnus was a missing piece of Alec himself, and maybe he’s known Alec before his fall. Either way, Magnus doesn’t see his life any other way now.

Not when Alec sleeps in Magnus’ bed so peacefully.

Magnus stands leaning against the doorframe to the ensuite, looking out into the candlelit bedroom that flickers orange with the slight glitter of blue from Magnus’ magic.

Around ten minutes ago, Alec learned of his forgotten sister, and now his body was so mentally exhausted that he fell asleep even when he promised Magnus he would stay awake until he returns from the bathroom. He’s not mad at all, because how can he?

Alec only wears grey joggers to bed, the sheets pulled up to the middle of his back as he lays on his front. His face is pushed into Magnus’ pillow, arms hugging around that very pillow that he subconsciously took in his sudden deep sleep. Raven locks are messy from Magnus’ previous hands of their kisses before, but now even more so as sleep takes hold of him. The candle paints a subtle glow to his skin, the scars of his runes becoming a little darker in their tone as the flame dances side to side ever so slightly.

Magnus is dressed in his usual silk pajamas, a navy blue with white stitching detail around the collar and sleeves. White, almost ghostly buttons decorate the middle, leaving the top two open so that the shirt closes at the middle of his chest. His curtains are closed, so the room is comfortably dark with the melody of the candles dotted around the room.

Magnus smiles from how.. at _home_ Alec looks.

At least, that’s what Magnus wants, for Alec to feel at home here. If Magnus is in love with him, heart and soul, and he very much is - then everything Magnus owns is also his. Alec would never take advantage of that, and Magnus knows that’s the case from how much of Alec he understands already. His 400 years of reading people isn’t all show, as he can tell that Alec would never take something for granted, because his life was taken away from him before. Of course, that means he could be selfish and take advantage of the situation he’s in with Magnus to get free reign, but he doesn’t. Alec gives back the same fire in their kisses, the same comfort and safety in their hugs. Alec doesn’t have a single intention to turn his back on the people who’ve helped him get to where he is, and if anything, he wants to give back twice as much as a thank you. He doesn’t think in his immortal lifetime that he can say those two words enough, that his smiles and living a normal life will be good enough for them.

But it is, especially for Magnus. As he approaches the bed, he pulls back the covers on his side, holding his breath for a moment as this is actually real.

He would pinch himself, but he can imagine how Alec would never let that go if he saw him. Magnus quietly sneaks into the bed by his side, sitting up but then sliding down into the sheets, leaning on his elbows as he looks down at Alec near his forearm.

The way his chest slowly rises and falls, how his hands hold the pillow softly to his face. And then what Magnus misses the most, the little whistles of his snores, and the occasional snore of Omamori as she lays at the foot of the bed with Chairman. Looking from the puppy to his lover, Magnus smiles, feeling those butterflies flutter but settle as his body becomes ready to sleep alongside his other half again. He can’t remember the last time he did, and it feels like forever since then, but that makes this moment even more special.

They’ve battled through all the troubles life has thrown at them so far, and even when things looked bleak, never to return to normal again - here they are.

Reaching one hand forward, Magnus moves his thumb along the edge of Alec’s ear, fingertips massaging into the back of his scalp, moving his hair gently in the process. A rumble resonates in his throat, Alec gently moving his head and nuzzling it into the pillow that little bit more. Magnus wants his pillow back, but it looks like he isn’t getting it unless he wakes Alec up.

 _“Alec,”_ he whispers, getting no response other than a small movement of his leg under the golden sheets, “I know you missed me, but I would like my pillow to sleep on.”

“I _am_ a pillow.” Alec’s grumble isn’t very clear, but he doesn’t move to make it any clearer.

“Your flirting techniques need some work,” Magnus nudges Alec’s shoulder with his hand, trying to make the demon loosen the vice grip on his pillow. All it does is earn annoyed mumbles from him, closing his arm tighter around Magnus’ pillow, “and you’re a real pain in my backside.”

He instantly regrets saying that, as Alec moves his head a little, opening his eyes to look at Magnus. The smirk is present in his eyes, and Magnus rolls his own eyes, sighing.

“Oh, _I could be,”_ Alec remarks, winking at him as he softly chuckles, “but I prefer a few dates first.”

“Is that so?” Magnus cocks his head to the side, still leaning on his elbow as he trails a single nail down the demon’s arm, moving over a few rune scars that make the skin tickle around it. “If I remember correctly, I was well on my way to being a pain in _your_ ass without any date.”

“I say that…” Alec ponders a little, clicking his tongue as he sits his chin on top of his pillow, “the coconuts count as a first date.”

“The awful t-shirt too?”

 _“Awful?_ Excuse you?” Frowning at his lover, Alec whistles in disappointment, “I thought you said you liked it?”

“A warlock can be deceiving. We _do_ have magic.” He winks back, gaining a little revenge as Alec shakes his head. Magnus has to admit, his ruffled sleep look is both handsome and adorable.

“If this is your plan to win back your pillow, I don’t think offending my gifts is a good way to go.” Alec mumbles into the pillow, eyeing Magnus above him and smirking a little. He doesn’t plan to give up any time soon.

Magnus’ silence makes Alec a little nervous for what’s to come, especially from how knowledgeable Magnus is. He wouldn’t be a High Warlock without a trick up his sleeve.

“A good leader should know the weaknesses and strengths of their enemy,” Magnus doesn’t move as he speaks, keeping his eyes locked onto the demon, “and that counts for all situations.”

“And what do those fancy words mean?” Alec sits up onto his elbows, the pillow still held between his arms and chest.

“That even you, Prince of the Embers, Befriender of Dragons,” Magnus gets closer, watching as Alec’s eyes drop to his lips, “the _Devil’s Swordsman_ \- has a weakness.”

“Oh yeah?” Alec brings his eyes back up to Magnus’, seeing the small sparkle of gold with his upcoming victory, “and what’s that?”

Their lips brush together, but neither of them dare kiss and give in. Their eyes fall shut a little, but it’s ultimately Magnus who has the shifting control in this exchange. His left hand moves to tickle his nails along the side of Alec’s neck, skating over the bump of the deflect rune. He’s learned that his scars are sensitive, especially so when the cause of the touch is so soft, so caring. Magnus knows when to pressure his fingers, or when to gently tickle his skin like a whisper with his nails. Every part of Magnus is extremely powerful, Magnus knowing how to control and move his body in ways Alec has never seen before. That assurance of how strong he is, how knowledgeable he is - and how all that can crumble Alec’s sense of control in a matter of seconds. It makes him want to let Magnus take over, to fall for something he’s been wanting, because Magnus won’t ever let him hit the ground. They’ll be suspended by their own love and support for each other, for as long as their immortality lasts.

Just like now, where every flicker of flame in Alec’s body is reaching for the fuel that warms his bones. Magnus puppets him with those fingertips, moving them under his chin and lifting his head a little more. Their lips brush again, Alec’s neck slightly straining now, the fingernails having even more of an impact over the stretched skin. They move over veins, that little slither of danger that the sharpness will cut, but it’s never enough to do so. If Magnus was using magic, Alec would be the power he controls, the flames he tells to dance which way - that’s how much Alec is completely enthralled by Magnus.

“Me.” Magnus replies, moving his hand from the neck of Alec to the back of Alec’s head, gripping the locks he reaches first and pulling him into a liplock.

It’s fierce, the heat that swarms both of them. Magnus is pulling his head closer, upwards towards his lips as Magnus leans over Alec slightly. A groan rumbles in the demon’s throat, pillow forgotten as his hands move to release the strain on his neck. Pushing his hands against the sheets, Alec meets him at the same level, Magnus falling to lean on his elbow.

They continue to kiss, heavy and heated, but going no further than that. Alec is too mentally tired to feel that rush like earlier, but he can still feel that consuming want to kiss Magnus as much as his lungs will let him. Alec slowly creeps forward, making it so Magnus has to angle his head up now instead. A hand is placed on Magnus’ hip, pulling his body closer to gain that comfort through contact. A sigh falls from Magnus’ lips, his eyes still closed as he falls to his back, both hands now available to pressure his nails over the shoulder blades of Alec. His scars jump at the friction, sending delicious sparks up and down the surface of Alec’s back.

And when their lungs tire after a minute of making out, Magnus soothes his hands down Alec’s neck, continuing down to the centre of his chest where his nails play with the small hairs there.

Alec places his forehead against Magnus’, hand squeezing the hold on his hip, the other arm keeping him hovering above Magnus.

The sly smirk that crosses Magnus’ face says it all, removing one hand from his lovers back to take the pillow that was forgotten by his side. Pushing Alec’s chest, it gives Magnus enough room to lift his own head and place his once stolen pillow back where it belongs. Alec notices his wink, and he shakes his head at how Magnus won him over through his lips.

“You _are_ my weakness, that’s correct,” Alec pecks his lips once, Magnus placing his arms back around his neck again as the candle flickers beside them, “but you’re also my strength.”

One thing he can predict is about Alec, is when words of praise are going to be spoken. The way his eyes soften, his lips part a little, the first few words shaking ever so slightly. Magnus can learn from these little gestures, understanding that they’re genuine to the point where Alec is mentally pulling the words straight from his heart.

“When I was away, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I failed you. I failed you because I couldn’t be there with you, and I couldn’t even stand by your side and help you take the weight. I was nothing but a burden that was a constant drain… but you kept going - you keep on fighting for me.”

“Why do you think I wouldn’t? Alec, don’t say these things about yourself.” Moving his thumb over the shell of his ear, Magnus feels hurt he would think that, but there needs to be a reason behind it, and he’s willing to listen as to why.

“I’m speaking past tense here, because back then I thought you felt bad for me. Family is important to you, I can feel it is from how you talk to Catarina and how they talk about you. But then I realised that I wasn’t alone in the feelings I had for you, because you felt the same about me. I lost everything, and I thought you were simply helping another downworlder.”

Alec scoffs at himself, feeling awfully bad about ever thinking that about Magnus in the first place.

“I’m sorry I thought that about you, and when I look back on it now, I was stupid to ever think that. I didn’t fall for you because I was lonely, I fell for you because you made me a better person, you helped me see that there’s more to life than everlasting greed and expectations.”

Alec leans down, placing his forehead against Magnus’ as he closes his eyes. Magnus finds himself doing the same, moving both hands to the areas behind Alec’s ears, holding his head gently as they breathe each other in.

“You make me smile, you make me want to keep smiling even when the blood in my veins _screams_ for me to do otherwise. I don’t feel like a demon haunted by Shadowhunters with you, I feel accepted. I feel like I can talk to you about anything and you’ll listen,” Alec opens his eyes again, looking at how content Magnus looks with his eyes closed, only the gentle parting of his lips giving any sign of life away. He must be processing Alec’s words more than usual, because when he opens his eyes a few seconds into the silence, Magnus is on the verge of more tears, “Magnus, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I can’t thank you enough for what life you’ve given me. Without you, I would still be crawling in that hell, and without you, I probably would have... lost myself to the flames.”

The thought of not being where he is now sends a chill down his spine, and even more so as he stares at the man he loves. Magnus is the man who made every fibre in Alec’s being fight for something different, to fight for something new. To fight for someone he wants to _love._

Magnus brings him closer, admiring the sincerity in how Alec’s eyes reflect the emotion he’s feeling. More orange shines instead of hazel, the fracture between his demon and neutral eyes. The only time he’s ever felt mortal has been around Magnus, that grounding hold of love around his entire frame that makes him feel like any other man. Not special or unique, but mortal, where he can breathe and ignore the world around him when he’s with Magnus. That’s how safe he feels, how comfortable Alec is around Magnus that he can drop everything and just be _Alec._ What’s even more brilliant than that? Well, it’s that Magnus still loves him even when everything that makes him a demon is stripped away. All those powers, the strength and years of forgotten memories. Even without those, Magnus can still see the raw makings of a man inside Alec’s hazel shards. The spark is there, it just needs the fuel to get going, and Magnus has been exactly that.

Magnus breaks him down to the simplest form of love and friendship, but he’s the strongest weapon in the Shadow World at the same time. A mix of angel and demon, Magnus peeling down those layers and seeing the man that remains - the man that he loves.

Pulling him closer, Magnus kisses him once on the lips, Alec closing his eyes as his body starts to give in. He yawns, exhausted now the previous adrenaline fades. Placing his forehead against Magnus’ chest, he gives one single kiss to his heart after a minute of silence.

“You make me strong too,” Magnus finally replies, searching his hands through the demon’s hair gently. Alec looks at him with eyes of wonder, “and I never saw it coming. Trust makes you do strange things.”

He smiles, and so does Alec.

Through the years, after his heart broke more times that he ever thought was physically possible, Magnus promised himself he would never fall again. He would never let someone hold his heart or steal it away in fear it was going to be the last. Then Alec appears out of a literal portal to hell, all smirks and power oozing from his posture.

But now he looks at the Alec in front of him, hair messy from his own handiwork, scars showing as they no longer hide from fear of judgement.

When Alec looks at Magnus, he looks at him like he’s the _only_ star in his sky - and in truth, he is.

In Madzie’s room, watching those stars circle the room, he thought about how he could relate them to Magnus. The north star, the guiding star. When Alec gazed out into the sky for real that night, it reminded him of Magnus, how he’s the most dominant thought in his head. He’s the shining light in the darkness of the void that never seems to leave him alone. Magnus is that guidance he needs to be a better man, and once he reaches where it’s guiding him, what will happen then?

Maybe their hearts will collide so bright that the world will watch in awe, or they’ll sing a silent melody for only the moon to witness time and time again.

Either way, Magnus and Alec have learned new things from their time together, and they are bound to learn more.

They do have immortality, after all.

Alec rests his head on Magnus’ chest, taking hold of the sheet with his right arm and pulling it up to his lover’s side, arm hugging over Magnus’ waist. Brushing his fingers through Alec’s hair is a gesture he’s come to adore, as Alec has too. He continues to do it until the room grows silent.

“Merry Christmas, Magnus,” he whispers against the warlock’s skin, fingertips tickling the side of his ribs as he hugs him.

“Merry Christmas to you too, Alec.” He won’t be able to see it, but Alec is smiling.

Magnus feels it though, how his cheek moves from the muscles that pull the smile across his face.

It slowly fades, the rise and fall of Alec’s chest becoming small movements as the demon succumbs to slumber. And this time, the hooves aren’t ready to trample him into the ground. Instead, the demon falls to a silent trance, his mind filled with images of sun and sand, of intertwined hands and delicate jewellery. It’s all because of the sound he hears.

The delicate drum of Magnus’ heart sings Alec to sleep, the previous kisses fueling the blood with love, finally feeling whole for the first time in a while. Constant heartbreak and loss eats away at the strength of it, and Magnus is strong enough to keep going with his head held high for the sake of his people. But now, he gets to feel love himself, that shaky, warm feeling that isn’t as stable as one would like at the beginning. Then it’s sudden, that pull of strings to tie with another heart, to share all their dreams and help each other when their hearts fail to keep moving.

Magnus was the one to find Alec’s heart, and Alec was the one to heal Magnus’.

As the seconds tick by, the more Magnus’ lungs ache with the need to say something. He can’t say it when those hazels look at him with so much adoration, and he can’t say it in fear of what’s happened before. Alec is different, but that doesn’t mean Magnus will immediately evade his fears because he thinks Alec is the one.

One last, gentle movement of Magnus’ hand through Alec’s hair is enough for now. And as he leans up slightly to see Alec sleeping soundly on his chest, arm hugging around his waist for safety and comfort, he bites his bottom lip.

It’s nerves, that if he says it, he can’t go back from it, having it eventually destroy him again. But maybe this time, fate is on his side and he won't have to suffer another shatter of his heart and soul.

 _“I love you, Alec.”_ Magnus whispers the words, moving his hands over one of the wing scars at the same time.

It’s like his fingers write the words into his skin, feeling the shuffle of the feathers beneath as they react. Alec doesn’t, as he’s sound asleep, but his wings are still active. They’re not necessarily reacting to the words, but they react to the touch and the meaning behind it. He hasn’t seen Alec’s wings in a long time, and he knows that they’ve become even more beautiful than before. Nothing can beat the face of the man who owns them however, but Magnus still admires them just as much. The key, the shining light that things are changing for Alec - and along with them, Magnus as well.

 

\---

Snow greets the morning, intricate designs of nature's own making falling softly towards the ground. Some shine a little orange from the sun’s dawn, and some are even a gentle peach from just sitting below the horizon. A generous amount has fallen overnight, making the perfect scene for the most festive day of the year.

Christmas Day.

Santa Claus has already been from rooftop to rooftop, the jingle of bells ringing in the ears of kids with imagination that still believe. Many kids try and stay awake to catch the magical mascot, but parents usually catch them. For those who stare out the window at those stars, many others do the same. They aren’t alone in their wild imagination and wanting to believe in something that makes them happy. Of course, eventually that imagination has to end, that the truth is revealed after so many years of living in that little bubble around this time of year.

In a way, Magnus feels the same. The world has been truly unfair for his heart, and perhaps this Christmas he’ll have a miracle himself that doesn’t have to be imagination.

The proof? He finds it when he wakes up.

Alec hasn’t moved from where he fell asleep, or at least not from waking up in the middle of the night. Subconsciously, his body moved when Magnus’ did, legs tangling together in their silent and comforting embrace. In his sleep, Magnus rolled to his side, facing towards Alec as he wraps his arm just over his neck. Alec shuffled closer, forehead to Magnus’ chest as one arm hugs around his waist, the other hugged closed to his own chest, fingers curled to his palm from gravity. Magnus’ nose is tickled by Alec’s hair on the top of his head, nuzzling closer into the demon’s warmth as Magnus isn’t even woken up by the tickles across his face. If anything, it soothes him into a deeper sleep, the occasional twitches of toes and fingers being the sign of their peaceful dreams. Alec never sees a void, and the only darkness he sees is the smooth silk of a specific person’s shirt that takes his hand on a midnight walk. As for Magnus, he simply dreams of colours, the shifting shapes and moving lines creating images of warming scenes. Flowers in a field, the grace of a bird’s wings as ribbons of magic trail behind it, rays of sunlight breaking through blinds and over a broad back.

For Alec, it’s the first peaceful sleep in two weeks.

Magnus is the first to see that, the subtle rise and and fall of his chest, the way his head is pushed into the pillow and his hair messy against the gold. He can feel the gentle breaths through Alec’s nose over the center of his chest, making him smile and even chuckle a little at the mini tickles it causes. One of his hands is already behind Alec’s head, so he uses it to brush a thumb across the demon’s cheek, Alec seeming to register the touch as his head moves even closer to Magnus. Fingertips brush the small hairs behind his ear, and the bottom of his palm scratches against the overnight stubble that Magnus finds himself appreciating.

He’s tempted to wake him up, to greet him into the new morning and wish him a season’s greeting - but he doesn’t. Maia spoke of his trouble sleeping not long ago, about how some nights he simply doesn’t want to sleep because staying awake would be a lot better for him. For Alec to finally gain back the hours he’s lost, Magnus would never dare disturb him, even if they have limited minutes to spend together. Magnus has never been a selfish man, and he won’t start being one either. Considering Alec went through a family reunion, as well as an adrenaline rush of seeing the love of his life again - there’s no wonder Alec won’t even wake to Magnus’ soft touches.

In all honesty, he could stay here forever and admire the orange painted over the contours of Alec’s back. Occasional black spots appear, the snowflakes blocking the light by a small amount, but still enough to steal some of the light away from Magnus’ bedroom. Ah, but he does stay there for another minute or so, using his fingernails this time to skate them along his arm over Magnus’ waist, up towards his bicep and over to the curve of his wing scars.

A mumble of appreciation sounds from Alec’s throat, making Magnus’ plan to leave a lot harder as he squeezes his arm around his lover’s waist, pulling him even closer so they’re hip to hip.

Magnus chuckles softly, the small dance of his shoulders happening as he leans down, softly kissing Alec’s temple, and then again in the middle of his hair.

One last caress of his thumb across Alec’s cheek signals the start of his morning plan. He wants to make this day special, and they can’t stay in bed forever since they do have to leave for Maia’s and Isabelle’s Christmas dinner at some point. Frankly, that isn’t until later, but he does want to do other stuff besides hugging his other half in the warmth and comfort of a bed. That sounds incredibly hard to leave, but Magnus is determined to make this day one worth remembering.

Placing his fingers around Alec’s wrist, he gently lifts it so he can roll back and away from Alec, shifting his legs to sit on the edge of the bed. Omamori wakes with this movement, looking exhausted as she too got a full nights sleep with her loyal best friend back in her presence. Her floppy ear droops more than usual, but she still has the strength to push herself to a stand after a little tumble. Magnus smiles as she approaches, her tail still asleep as she falls into his waist, huffing as she looks up at him. Looks like even Alec’s pup is going to make it hard to leave, as it’s two puppy eyes against one.

 _“Mmm,”_ Alec mumbles behind him, Magnus looking over his shoulder to watch Alec push his face into Magnus’ pillow ever more.

He squeezes his arms around it, trying to compensate for the missing body that was once next to him. The arch of his back is stunning, especially so as the sun curves over it, sharp shadows occuring where the contours of muscles fold and twist from his inward stretch. Magnus wants to kiss along that expanse, to trail his nails along the spine and feel the shivers of the man beneath.

Magnus lost his chance to get up as soon as Alec began to stir, because Alec soon caught up with the world, blinking his eyes open as he brings his face up from the pillow.

As soon as he spots Magnus, a smile spreads across his face, small glints in his eyes as the light reflecting from the other side of the room. Alec’s face in general glows, healthy from a full night's sleep.

“Hey,” he whispers against the pillow, his eyes not scared of scanning Magnus’ frame so openly, “you alright?”

“Hey to you too,” Magnus leans back, placing both hands on the mattress as he leans down to kiss his cheek, Alec closing his eyes and smiling at the little greeting, “and everything is fine. Brilliant, actually.”

As Magnus goes to lean back, Alec pushes himself to lay on his elbows, back facing the ceiling but his face turned to Magnus.

“Not staying in bed?” Alec inquires, blinking and leaning his head down a little so he can rub his eyes.

“As much as I would love to,” Magnus stands, scratching the top of Omamori’s head as she walks away to Alec, “I have things to prepare for today.”

Alec pauses rubbing his eyes, taking a moment to think about that and then looking back to Magnus.

“Things?”

“Christmas things.” Magnus watches the moment Alec’s mind clicks in place.

 _“Oh!”_ He laughs to himself, turning and falling onto his back in a huff, “I totally forgot what day it is.”

Placing his robe over his shoulders, Magnus still has the smile on his face as he turns back to Alec. Magnus wishes he wasn’t so god damn tempting in this sunlight so he could think with a level head. Especially so, as Alec looks at him with that playful smirk.

“What are you… ?” Magnus asks, trying to get the reasoning behind the smirk, but it fades as soon as he asks.

“Just thinking,” he replies, watching the sigh build in Magnus’ throat, since he just repeated what he thought, “nothing to worry about.”

Walking around to his side of the bed, Magnus keeps his eyes trained on him, watching for every little movement that might give him away. Alec doesn’t smirk again, not even when Magnus sits by him on the bedside. His hazel eyes still look at him from where he lays on his back, one of his hands moving out to reach for Magnus’. Their fingers intertwine, Alec’s thumb moving over the back of his hand as the demon smiles sweetly.

“Then why do I feel it’s about me?” his voice is almost silent, no need for loud voices in the peace of the morning they have.

“Because it is,” Alec pushes up on one arm, still holding Magnus’ hand with his right hand. He lifts it, bringing the back of his hand close to his lips, keeping his eyes on Magnus as he places one gentle kiss to his skin, “I’m thinking about how much I missed your beauty.”

Magnus’ heart stutters, his face losing his smile a little, not expecting the words of admiration he never seems to fail at finding. Alec continues to brush his thumb over where he kissed, hazel shards beginning to scan over the surface of his face. Even without the sun’s grace, Magnus’ natural beauty is total art, a delicate piece of time with a strong and inspiring message.

What Alec admires the most about this moment, holding his lovers hand and looking solely at the man he’s missed, is the way he isn’t scared to show this natural side.

Without the makeup, Magnus is still beautiful, and Alec would argue even more so because of the natural glow of his skin, the sharp angles accompanied by soft eyes. All that framed by the glow of the sun, the colour of orange and peach brushed into one side of his face, curving like Alec’s hand as it holds his neck, bringing his face closer until Alec can see the details in the warmth of his eyes. The feather of gold remains from his cat eyes, the glamour not as strong in the morning as his body switches into gear slowly. On the other side of the room, a shadow of their love is placed on the wall, a dark shadow copying the shape of their bodies. The light still pours between the two shadow figures, becoming smaller and smaller until they connect.

Frankly, he doesn’t need to wake up, or at least not yet, not when his body naturally falls into Alec as their foreheads touch again. Alec is still holding his hand, squeezing the grip a little as he pulls him in, laying back as Magnus follows over the top of him.

“Stay,” he whispers against his lips, painting his fingertips over the side of Magnus’ face, the sharp cheekbone strong under his touch, the sun’s watch still present on one side of their bodies, “I’ve missed this with you.”

It’s not an order, nor is Alec trying go get Magnus to stay even if he doesn’t want it - his choice of tone and their moral trust tells Magnus that he’s giving him the option. Alec wants him to stay, and if Magnus’ heart could speak, it would say the same. To stay, to hold Alec for as long as he can before life knocks on his door again.

Magnus closes his eyes, letting his head fall into Alec’s neck, their hand hold breaking as Alec embraces his arms around him.

Looks like Alec won after all.

The silk robe falls over half of Alec’s body, their legs tangling like Magnus never left the bed. Magnus hums, completely content as Alec returns the soft gestures from last night. Calloused fingers move through his hair slowly, taking time to feel the scratch of Magnus’ shaved hairs against his skin. What Alec loves about Magnus in the morning, along with an extremely long list of other things, is how soft his hair is. It naturally falls to the side, tips removed of their magical colour as he got ready for bed last night.

And once again, their hands move to hold, Alec placing a kiss to the rim of his ear.

“For a demon so good with words, you didn’t keep me from leaving the bed a few minutes earlier.” Magnus feels the small laugh that vibrates in Alec’s throat.

Alec shifts to the side a little, Magnus adjusting so they each share one side of Alec’s pillow. His lips part to say something, but he seems to be lost in Magnus’ beautiful smile.

“Ah, only good with words sometimes then?” That causes Alec to smirk, smoothing his hand over Magnus’ chest, breathing deeply as he admires the small coating of sunlight cut out by his own shoulder on Magnus’ face.

“You did say I have to work on my flirting game, but it’s really hard to do that when you’re so breathtaking.”

Every time Magnus thinks Alec can’t possibly think of more words to flutter his heart, he’s proven unmistakably wrong. Of course, he can’t let him lose the cheeky battle between them, the battle of who will give in to smiles and kisses first.

“Ah, did you steal that one from Maia and Isabelle?” He chuckles, watching Alec roll his eyes. Alec replies of course, but he pulls him up on top of him before he speaks.

“No,” Alec continues to talk as Magnus takes advantage of this new position, holding Alec’s second hand in his own and pushing the demon’s arms above his head, “I say what I feel, and I will always be honest with you.”

Having his arms stretched up is _severely_ satisfying, the morning ache in his muscles fading out from the sudden aid of Magnus’ fingers. As his heart sings from the praise, Magnus feeds it back into Alec, sharing that affection they both feel for each other as his fingers massage down Alec’s  arms.

“I can happily say that I know you’re telling the truth,” Magnus leans down, pecking Alec on the lips, Alec breathing through his nose as a second kiss lingers, “because jokes aside, you’re an honest man.”

“Should you really be saying that to a demon? It’s my job to lie and trick my way out of situations.”

“But do you?” Tilting his head, Magnus trails his nails to the center of Alec’s chest, feeling the ripple beneath from his skin reacting, “Alec, you can laugh about this all you want, but you need to believe in yourself more. You’re not a demon, you’re so much more than that to me.”

Alec’s face slowly goes blank, then frowns a little when Magnus finishes his little speech. There’s a warmth in his chest, almost like a physical hand is holding his heart safely. To think that before, all Alec could hear were the souls of the damned, the souls of people who cry for forgiveness that Alec can’t give. And now? He’s listening to words of affection, words that slowly break the concrete forged by flames that want to destroy any hope for a smile. Magnus has already broken the claws around Alec’s limbs, bringing him closer and making him see that the world isn’t so dark, that the world will accept him for who he is, no matter the title he holds.

With his arms free, Alec sighs, smiling sweetly as he moves them forward, hands gently holding Magnus’ waist. One hand stays idle, while the other slowly moves up and down his side.

“I really need to go speak to some of your past lovers,” Magnus doesn’t see that coming, pausing the movement of his fingertips over Alec’s chest as he plays with the hairs, “because they made a huge mistake ever breaking your heart.”

 _“Alec-”_ Magnus’ shocked exhale is cut short, because Alec sits up, the hands on his waist pulling him into Alec’s lap.

They both stare into the depths of their eyes, Alec tilting his head slowly as he moves in to kiss him. Fire erupts in their hearts, their lips moving in unison as soon as they connect. One of Alec’s hands ghosts up Magnus’ spine, only gripping the robe when he reaches his shoulder blades. Magnus’ right hand finds its home in Alec’s hair, pulling slightly to elicit a small groan from Alec’s throat. His other hand reaches forward to hold the headboard of the bed, his knees pushing forward into the mattress so that their waists brush together, Alec slowly giving the lead over to Magnus. Alec has to look up to kiss him, both hands moving round to the front of his chest, fingers pushing under the robe and down his shoulders, then up to the side of his neck to stay there for another minute of kissing.

As breath becomes scarce, the lovers break apart, Magnus sitting back down in his lap, pushing Alec back to the bed. When his back hits the sheets, Alec huffs, face lit up in dazed love. Magnus can see that, slowly leaning down to peck his lips, then kiss him properly again, the mutual love between them so comfortable that there’s no question as to how far they can dive. They’re definitely hungry for each other, but right now, they are happy with kissing just like this. The small touches to the roll of hips, pulsing that sensation through their bodies that lingers on the edge of simmering heat.

Magnus doesn’t know what to say in reply to Alec, mostly for two reasons. The shock of bringing them up, and the pulse of love coursing through him from Alec’s words. He wasn’t there to witness his heart shatter, but as a demon, he can see and feel the mental impact those past relationships leave in their destruction. Magnus is a good man, a brilliant, _gorgeous_ man with a lot of love to give. To take advantage of it, to push it away when they no longer need or want him - _that_ was why Alec said those words. Alec may not be a man worthy of Magnus, maybe no one is, but he’ll swear on his heart that he never wants to break Magnus again. And he says that because the heart of a person is still them, it’s what _makes_ and _shapes_ them. Alec sees Magnus’ heart as something unique, something that deserves a happy and fulfilling life, not plagued by people who can’t even look past their noses and care for other people.

Alec was coded to feel no emotion and fulfil what the blood in his veins asks of him to do - he was never told to fall in love.

That’s how powerful someone can be, that’s how a single person can be so _influential,_ that they break down the very foundations that person stands on. In Alec’s case, Magnus was the one to weave through that hellish coding, to find the last spark of hope inside Alec that he could be something more, something he wants. Even if he doubted him at the start, Magnus sees the man below him right now as his own second chance.

“There was a voice in my head once,” Alec speaks with whispers, hands ever so gently holding Magnus’ face with tender care, fingertips moving over the back of his neck, “and it always told me that no matter how many times I smile, there will always be something to drag me back down.”

Magnus doesn’t know where he’s going with this, but he’s going to listen to him no matter how much his blood begins to curl with Alec speaking down about himself again.

“For all the problems we faced and continue to face, there was this haunting reality that I may never have this,” Alec lowers one hand to place against Magnus’ heart, thumb moving over the surface of the skin as he breathes in, the rise and fall of Magnus’ chest a pattern Alec has come to know well, “and I was debating to save myself or to save you, because saving both of us would mean having the chance at what we have now. We couldn’t have that. Back then, when you looked at me like the enemy, I realised I didn’t put up walls for myself. I put them up for you.”

The subtle frown on Magnus’ face makes Alec a little cold, knowing his words may not make sense, rushed out from nerves and the frantic heart that beats inside the cage of his chest.

“I don’t have to know you for long to know how important you are to people, how you change people’s lives with a simple smile. Magnus, you changed my life - wait, _fuck,”_ he looks away for a moment, closing his hand over Magnus’ heart as he feels his throat constrict, trying to find the right words, “you gave me a life. And when you kissed me back, I have never felt so alive. I could forget about Edom, I could forget who I was and just be me, with you, in love with you. Out of everything, I never - _ever_ \- wanted to hurt you. Me falling in love would have risked that, and now, here we are.”

Feeling the tug of strings that connect their hearts, Magnus bites his bottom lip, willing the emotions that threaten to flood his eyes to stay back. Alec isn’t done, and the filter is nowhere to be found as his heart cries out the truth he’s always wanted to say.

 _“Magnus,”_ Alec cries that word out, gritting his teeth together as the invisible tears hold his throat, “you are my -”

Their lips collide as Alec’s last word fades to the ages, the kiss so sudden from Magnus that Alec’s hands don’t have time to stay connected to the skin of Magnus’ body. It’s only for a few seconds, but the swarm of love over their bodies crashes like a wave on a beach, sinking back into the ocean soon after, just like Magnus’ hands were scoping down Alec’s neck to stop on Alec’s chest.

“You are my heart too, Alec,” Magnus finishes his words for him, the daze of love on the demon’s face becoming a sweet smile as he reads his mind, “and you’ll be my heart for as long as you’ll allow it.” Bringing one hand up, the other still sitting on his heart, Magnus brushes his thumb over the stubble, the scratchy sound mixing in with the post-kiss exhales.

“I can’t be a rich boy to bring you baskets of jewells, and I can’t be your damsel in distress - maybe sometimes,” Magnus laughs at that, a smile spreading from ear to ear as Alec chuckles himself, “but I can be the person who loves you for a lifetime. I _never_ want to break your heart, and I will _never_ take you for granted. I won’t be a sour memory, I’ll be one worth remembering.”

Magnus can’t even match words to how he feels. Alec’s love is so free, so expressive in his own unique way that Magnus doesn’t know how to hold it in his hands. There hasn’t been a love like Alec, this being the first time words fail to reply for Magnus. He wants to speak back what he feels, but his heart, lungs and hands shake at the uncontrollable need to just _smile._ Giving up on love seems so foolish now, especially when the love he’s desperately wanted declares he wants to live a life with him. It might as well be a marriage proposal from how Alec’s hands paint with his words, blessing Magnus’ skin with little tingles. 400 years couldn’t have prepared him for Alec, and frankly, Magnus thinks he would’ve never been ready.

He’s wasn’t ready for the beautiful smiles they share, the laughter that sings along with the movements of their hands, the gentle and knowing caresses that can build heat and simmer doubt. Alec was the type of dream he wished for, but his magic can’t create the perfect love, even for a warlock of Magnus’ caliber. What brings Magnus’ heart the most hope for their future, is how imperfect Alec is. He’s real, he’s willing to learn and evolve with Magnus, to teach each other things that they’ve either never had in their lives, or want to have.

Alec saw darkness when he thought of love, he never knew that word existed until it began to flood his chest from Magnus’ hands, his words, his heated kisses and tame ones. Magnus gave up, but Alec was the fighting force for him to believe again, the last chance he’ll give himself of having what he’s been waiting for - and is it worth the wait?

_Yes._

He’ll say it _over and over again_ if he has to, to sink into his lungs that Magnus can finally breathe again.

Everything Alec is and will become, is worth waiting for, to have this every single day of his life for the infinite to come. Alec said it himself, but they know it isn’t for definite considering their circumstances, although that doesn’t stop them from hoping, to living the dream right now while they have the time to.

Alec also spoke of being a memory worth remembering, and for him to say that, then Alec is trying his absolute best to care for Magnus. For someone who lost the beginning of his life, Alec understands the importance of memories and how they impact people. Having none made Alec emotionless, believing he has no life other than the one he was forged to complete. Magnus was heavy with doubt to let himself love again, because his past memories are surrounded by ones of heartbreak and late night disappointments.

Magnus moves one of his hands up the side of Alec’s face, pushing into his fringe and feeling the locks of hair softly glide over his skin.

“You don’t have to prove that to me, Alec,” he smiles gently, looking down at Alec who looks up, heart stuck in his throat from how Magnus will react to pouring his thoughts and feelings out, “because you’re doing just fine. I’ve seen my fair share of relationships, and I know they can be frightening and consuming all at once. My last relationship broke me apart, and I promised myself I would never fall into that trap again after that.”

The hand on Magnus’ heart moves again, Alec’s thumb brushing his collar bone, giving Magnus the space and time to speak. His leg moves a little under the covers, Magnus slouching more as he sits on Alec’s waist.

“To give up on something you’ve always wanted, it’s a feeling no one can express unless they feel it for themselves. And I was fine with thinking that - until I met you.”

Alec’s chest blooms with this warm sensation he can’t quite place yet, and the way Magnus’ cat eyes slowly reveal themselves from his heart opening, the sight is something Alec would call mesmerising. The orange of the sun, the angeled features of his face softly glowing from the morning call of that very sun.

“You were this… strange and sudden fear. I couldn’t understand why I felt so differently about you to any other person. At first I didn’t even want to summon you because of the place you came from,” Magnus thinks that these words might hurt Alec, but for the demon, he appreciates Magnus telling him the truth, not afraid of hurting him for the sake of their relationship, “I felt it all, from wanting to end this as quickly as possible so I didn’t let my heart fall again, to wanting to chase it. And to my surprise, you were the first to take my hand and tell me that yeah, this will work - _we,_ will work.”

“Can I ask why?”

“Why.. as in why I was scared of you?” Alec sits up slowly as Magnus replies to him, his back against the headboard, Magnus shuffling himself closer so he leans against the chest of the demon.

Taking a moment to breathe in the scene around them, Magnus looks down to Alec’s hand on his thighs, fingers gentle as they move up and down his leg in comforting twists and turns.

“I’m a man of my word, and Catarina knows that. When I spoke to her a few nights after my last relationship, I swore to her I wouldn’t do this again. With my past -” Magnus stutters, his own lungs stuttering against the memories that begin to punch against walls that blocked them for countless years, _“I can’t -”_

“Magnus,” he interrupts him, not sharp, but loud enough to tell Magnus that he doesn’t need to delve deeper than he already is, “I’m sorry, I never should have asked.”

“No,” Magnus replies, gritting his teeth for a moment, “I should have been able to ignore them.”

“You should feel comfortable and ready to speak them, not because you’re forced to do so,” Alec gives him a small smile, the hand over his thigh stopping just at his left knee, “and I’ll wait for when you’re ready to tell me. Be it minutes or years, I’ll respect that.”

Magnus truly wonders how Alec can have a drop of demon in him. The way his eyes speak in words his lungs can’t, the gentle flicks from one eye to the other as he waits in silence for Magnus’ next move. He remembers so little, but knows so much. Alec will say Magnus is the reason, but it’s Alec who decides what information he accepts or ignores, and Alec follows the route of absorbing every ounce of knowledge. Included in that, is the decency to be a respectful human being, to know boundaries, limits and highs. Even if Magnus was one of the defining aspects of Alec becoming more human, there was still Alec himself, the empty frame that was once filled with fire.

He’s much more than that now, he’s someone’s future, a love, a friend.

“Thank you,” and Alec takes every seemingly growing doubt and crushes it before it can even panic Magnus. All of the relationships from before being replaced by a much brighter and powerful star, “that means more to me than I can put into words. But, I was scared of you because you were something I couldn’t have. My job was to send you back, to take that sword from you and hand it over. When you put that wall of fire up, I couldn’t _breathe.”_

Alec frowns, guilt suddenly striking him in the gut, as back then he wasn’t exactly planning on respecting anyone.

“You can almost match me in battle which is the scary part, because if you lost control, I doubted my abililty to stop you. I could see your reasons as to why you wanted to stay, Edom is horrible, but I kept telling myself that I had to send you back. Then the night you snuck through my wards, that night being the first time you felt a human emotion.”

“I was scared then too, because you were someone I didn’t want to hurt. Usually my powers would do the work for me, but I just… I just couldn’t do that to you. I have no idea why, but thinking about it now, I thought you were my chance to be seen as something different.”

“Different?” Magnus asks, their voices still somewhat quiet.

“I had no idea how to be a person, and I obviously knew the basics, but I - I can’t _remember_ how this world works. When you finished that sentence for me, telling me I felt human, that was the turning point. Something clicked, and from then on I’ve never wanted to leave your side, be it in love or just a friend.”

Magnus brushes a hand down the side of Alec’s neck, pushing his thumb onto the edge of his jaw as Alec sighs, content that they’re finally talking about things.

“Maia felt guilty, and even though she was the first to give me a place to belong, you were the person to make me _feel_ that. You made me something more than a name drop or an insult, you made me _Alec_ again.”

From the deepest depths of hell comes this man, a man who originally didn’t see a sign of life. And now, Alec would run straight back down there if it means saving the man in front of him.

As the sun breaches the horizon, the sky flourishes with new shades. The rose gold glow that freshly frames Magnus’ face is one Alec touches with his hand. Magnus leans into that touch, smiling sweetly as he moves a hand of his own to hold Alec’s wrist. Eventually, his fingers move to intertwine with Alec’s on his cheek, bringing it round to the front of his face and kissing the back of his hand.

“I never expected my first Christmas to play out like this.” Alec’s words are small, but they have enough power to gain Magnus’ attention again, not that he ever lost it.

“Hmm?” Magnus’ eyes are shimmering in the morning rose of the sun, occasional little flickers of stronger gold as the glamour doesn’t retain its full power when Magnus is so relaxed.

“Making my dramatic declaration that I’ve been falling in love with you from the start, and that I get to spend my first with you.”

Magnus would deny what Alec speaks of, mainly because he can’t remember Christmas from years before. But the idea of Alec thinking that, wanting to spend the first Christmas he’ll physically and mentally remember with Magnus.

Chuckles ensue, Magnus leaning closer to peck his lips, then smirking ever so slightly as Alec closes his eyes. He seriously can’t get enough of him, completely and utterly in love with the little things he does to the more impactful.

As he keeps his eyes closed, Magnus moves in again, mixing in more passion as his tongue meets Alec’s a few seconds later. The demon’s hands reach up to hold his face, Magnus’ nails scratching at Alec’s collar bone.

When lips part, Alec inhales deeply, hands falling down Magnus’ sides, staying there as Magnus sits back.

“I’m happy that you’re here, Alec,” he watches the moment Alec’s heart jumps, “and I always want you here, or go anywhere as long as you’re there with me.”

He completely ignores the time creeping up behind them, Magnus not registering the Clave’s little game anymore. No longer will he see it as time away, but days that Alec gets to experience with new friends, to better understand himself. Then there are days for Magnus to be a High Warlock, to brew potions, meet clients and manage his club. Days like this, where fingertips gently brush over skin, where lips collide and breaths roll over skin like fog during the night - that consuming and comforting love will be saved for days such as today, where Magnus watches Alec unfold that tough exterior, and Alec can witness the real Magnus beneath years of hiding away those golden eyes. Seeing it like this makes the time they have seem infinite. It already is, but with obstacles in their way, perspectives might begin to blur, leaving them no clear path to follow. The toxic and difficult decisions the Clave force their way will be no more, he’ll not let Alec dance in the shadows any longer. Alec has done that for longer than he needs, and with Luke’s plan, Alec may get to see the light more often.

“I’m glad I listened to my heart this time, more so than ever before.” Magnus presses his forehead to Alec’s, gradually smiling as Alec smiles from ear to ear himself.

“And I’m glad you helped me find mine,” Alec replies, leaning up quickly to kiss the tip of his nose, brushing his thumb over the corner of his lip, “and I hope to discover the rest of my life with you. To make it ours as well as my own.”

Magnus falls into him, Alec shaping his arms around his back as Magnus wraps his own around Alec’s waist. Magnus’ hair tickles Alec’s neck, sighing content as Alec moves a hand up and down his spine slowly, feeling the care and small attention through the fabric of his gown.

“Looks like you won after all,” mumbling against the skin of his neck, he feels another rumble, the build of Alec’s laughter, “I’ll have to leave the bed straight away next time before you convince me otherwise.”

“You did tell me to work on my flirt game.”

Lifting his head, Alec quickly meets his eyes, the smirk on both their faces one of a playful and gentle nature.

“There’s no need to flirt when you already have my heart, Alec.”

He’s convinced he hears Alec swear under his breath, quickly using every muscle that’s remotely awake in his back to push himself forward. Taken by surprise, Magnus closes his eyes, Alec wrapping his arms around his waist and rolling him over to the middle of the bed. He doesn’t even have time to speak as Alec’s fingers begin to tickle his sides, his lips planting small little kisses up the side of his neck.

“Ha - _hey!”_ trying to push Alec away so his lungs can breathe, Alec laughs himself and plants more kisses to the back of his neck as Magnus turns his head away in laughter.

The tickling stops when Alec meets face first with a pillow Magnus throws his way, one arm able to reach past Alec and try to stop the onslaught of giggles tickling his lungs.

When the pillow drops, he sees Alec’s face with a growing smirk, and Magnus doesn’t know if he’s won because the tickling has stopped, or he’s lost because a pillow can’t defeat a demon.

“Did you _really_ just hit me with that?”

“Would you prefer my nails? I’m only thinking of you.”

Alec clicks his tongue, leaning down from where he hovers above Magnus to whisper in his ear - _“maybe one day.”_

Magnus doesn’t need any more time to guess what he means, and he throws the pillow towards his face again.

“You _cheeky-”_ Magnus reaches up to push the pillow into his face more, Alec admitting defeat when he’s pushed back towards the end of the bed.

Placing a hand behind him, Alec narrowly avoids falling off the bed, his other hand taking hold of the pillow. Magnus would fight against Alec pushing it down, but as the pillow slowly moves down to show Alec’s face again, they take a moment and just smile. The pillow is forgotten, falling onto Magnus’ knees as Alec takes his eyes away for a moment. He’s overwhelmed by love, the sheer affection in Magnus’ eyes. Alec has to remember that he’s the one causing it, this happiness Magnus feels. The feeling is mutual, Magnus watching Alec gain the smallest blush he’s ever seen, crawling up the side of the demon’s neck.

“Alec?”

“Sorry,” he goes to reach for the pillow, but ends up falling to the side of Magnus on his back, reaching a hand up to tickle behind his ear, “sometimes I can’t fathom that this is real, that I’m allowed this.”

Magnus hums, turning ever so slightly to hold Alec’s wrist, Alec letting his arm fall so their hands slide into each other. Holding his hand seems like such a small gesture compared to everything else, but it’s the most grounding and real of them. Magnus’ cold rings contrasting against the warmth of Alec’s hand, to how the calloused skin on Alec’s thumb scratches subtly over the back of Magnus’ hand. That immediate release of breath, how their lungs seem to sync, their smiles natural all because of their hands joining together.

“I think everyone deserves happiness once in their life, no matter how much time it takes to find,” he squeezes Alec’s hand a little, watching the expression on his face change, “even if I never followed that myself.”

“Well,” Alec squeezes back, letting go of his hand so he can gently tickle the side of his neck, reaching up a little more, “maybe you can have that now.”

Tilting his head, he questions Alec as to how he would know that, and Alec has no trouble in answering to that challenge.

“I spoke to Catarina one night,” pushing himself up to a sit, Alec leans both of his arms back for support, one leg hanging off the end of the bed, and the other tucked under the sheets a little, “about how a man of your care and knowledge has been plagued with sadness. She didn’t exactly approve of me poking my nose into things, but I was concerned that you’ve given up on feeling happiness for yourself.”

“I am quite comfortable with my life, Alec. There’s no need to try and make it more exciting, or…”

“That’s - that’s _not what I meant,”_ gritting his teeth, Alec fights with his own brain for the right words to say, Magnus giving him the time he needs, “I’m talking about you, as in, loving _yourself.”_

“I do?” Magnus questions, becoming slightly agitated that Alec would think otherwise.

“Yes, but when was the last time you sat down and made time for yourself and not for other people?” there’s the words he needs, and Magnus knows, because Alec won’t take his eyes off him.

In a way, he’s right. Drinking alone to wash his worries away doesn’t count, so having to sit there and think of a time where he wasn’t rushing around to help someone or aid a cause, is extremely worrying to find none. At least, not finding any in the last few years. He’s been focused on everything concerning Valentine and his people that he hasn’t had the available time to take a moment for himself. Studying could be part of that Valentine quest, and practicing his magic could be seen as a necessity, so Magnus comes up empty.

“I’m sorry if that sounded harsh earlier, because I know you take care of yourself. You wear what you want to wear, you eat what you want, you fight for your goals and desires - but you’ve never been given that back. Friends and long time mutuals might seem enough, but Catarina told me you’ve never been given the opportunity to sit and just - just _love someone_ because you’re always worrying about them leaving you.”

How many words has Alec spoken today? How many words has the demon said that sink into his heart, giving it that extra spark of fuel? When will Alec ever run out of words to say?

He never wants him to, because Magnus will be damn selfish for all he cares, taking these words one by one and holding them close. Magnus believes in what Alec said, especially if it stems from what his lifetime friend Catarina spoke about.

“You’ve spent so much of your life trying to be the best possible role model you can be, and you are,” Alec moves to cup the side of his face, not finishing his sentence until Magnus looks back at him, “but now it’s time for you to finally let go, to let me slowly break away all those years of heartache. I’ll prove that you deserve so much more than a second thought, you’ll be my most important, and my last.”

Tilting his head ever so slightly, Alec settles his forehead against Magnus’, feeling the sigh that radiates through Magnus’ body from his words.

Alec has a lot to prove, and he’s willing to do everything he can to be the best he can be. He wants to be better for everyone, but most importantly, his heart and soul.  He’ll let Magnus live his life just like he has all these years, but this time he won’t be spending a majority of it finding a solid and safe pair of hands to hold his heart. That freedom but safety of love, it’s what Magnus always wished for, and now that star has fallen into his life, filling his world with more happiness than words can possibly explain.

“How can I ever thank you for the words you say?” Magnus places a hand behind Alec’s head, brushing his fingers through his hair slowly. His words are soft, almost nonexistent.

“Hmm,” Alec doesn’t smirk, and Magnus can’t see the telltale signs of this turning into a joke, “being here with you, seeing this smile on your face - that’s enough for me. I don’t need anything else. You make me happy, and if I can make you happy in return, then who am I to complain?”

The dynamics of how love works, how it’s either completely and utterly one sided, or like this - equally shared with no need for competition. Where Magnus was once _hoping_ that they would one day say it back, Alec speaks his love as if he’s been doing it forever, so confident and fulfilling.

Reaching out, Magnus pulls Alec closer, both of then shifting so that they can close their arms around each other.

“I said _always,_ and I meant it, Magnus.”

Magnus squeezes him tighter at those words, placing a gentle kiss to the side of Alec’s neck.

All these years, all that heartbreak - its led him to Alec. He’ll never say that the pain was worth it, because no pain such as heartbreak is deserved. But he’s thankful that he never truly gave up, lying to himself to make the pain numb, because the search for love has always been there inside his chest. Now he’s found it, hugging him back, one hand on Magnus’ lower back as Alec smoothes his hand in circles. His other hand holds the back of his neck, thumb tickling the back of his ear.

“I hope to keep doing that, making you happy,” Magnus replies after some thought, his heart beating too wildly with emotion to comprehend words, “because the night I met you changed my life, but I never expected it to turn out this way - where I feel happy and in love again.”

He doesn’t say it directly to Alec, but he feels the word move over his skin like warm hands as he says it. Falling in _love,_ with Alec. And he’s happy.

Bringing their heads back, they look at each other, content smiles gracing their faces.  

When Magnus planned to get a lot of things done today, he never imagined Alec’s heart and his own pouring out their feelings. Not to worry however, as the day is still young, and Magnus plans to live every second with Alec. This, what they just had, was still worth every second. In fact, he wouldn’t have wanted to start his Christmas any different.

 _“I -”_ Magnus sighs, pecking Alec’s lips once, taking time to pull back and completely separate their lips, “have to go get things ready.”

Alec immediately grumbles, hand falling from the back of his neck to take his hand.

“I’m not going anywhere. Get some more sleep, and I’ll wake you up when breakfast is ready.”

 _“Noooo,”_ Alec complains, drawing out the word, “let me help you.”

Magnus shakes his head, stepping back as Alec leans after him, not being able to keep Magnus there with just the hold of his hand.

“You need to rest, my magic can sense it, dear.”

Omamori has ventured back into the room, jumping up onto the bed just as Alec groans, falling back onto Magnus’ pillow.

“I bet I won’t even fall asleep.”

“Calling me a liar?” Magnus walks around to his side of the bed, leaning down to kiss Alec’s forehead. He can tell he’s still exhausted even without his magic, because Alec doesn’t try to pull him down to kiss him again.

That’s not to say he’s confident Alec is always wanting to show affection, but he’s confident Alec would have pulled him down if he was wide awake. Magnus would have.

“Mmm,” his eyes close, succumbing to the warping feeling of sleep as it catches up to him, “never. But I don’t want to spend my day in bed.”

Alec places his hands above his head, breathing easy as he listens to Magnus walk to the door.

“I don’t mind if you do though. If you need it, you need it,” he taps his fingernails against the wooden frame of the doorway, “and maybe I’ll join you after we’ve had some food.”

That has Alec opening his eyes, lifting his head and smiling towards Magnus.

“Now that’s an offer difficult to deny,” Alec slowly lifts himself up, eyes watching Magnus as he shifts to the edge of the bed, “but my statement still stands. I don’t want to sleep away today.”

“But not long ago you wanted me to stay in bed.”

“What can I say?” He shrugs his shoulders as he stands, Alec instantly feeling the morning ache of his muscles, “I’m a man of many desires. One of them has to be you, and _mainly_ you.”

Magnus bites his bottom lip, his teeth threatening to pierce the skin as he applies more pressure than usual. The sight of Alec walking towards him, his sleep and hand ruffled hair, the sculpt of his abdominal muscles and general physique of his body - Magnus feels his mouth going dry, his heart rate quicken, his lungs _tighten._

Alec admires Magnus’ also, the hazel shards looking over his body, keeping every detail and storing it like a line of code. The soft fall of his fringe, powerful hands that move with such finesse, the shimmering blue that glows almost purple from the rose gold of the morning - he’s sin incarnate.

“Have I ever told you how incredibly attractive you are?” Alec tilts his head slightly, one eyebrow raised as he hugs his arms around Magnus’ waist, Magnus placing fingers and tickling over a rune scar on Alec’s bicep.

“A few times,” walking backwards, Magnus laughs to himself as Alec sticks with him, the couple waddling their way slowly into the hallway towards his living room, “are you sleep drunk? Or..?”

“I’m happy,” bringing his arms from around Magnus’ waist, Alec soothes his hands up Magnus’ chest, stopping at the sides of his neck and pulling him in for a quick kiss on the lips, “and I can’t get enough of you. I’ve missed this so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, my dear.”

Stopping their advance, Magnus pushes a hand against the wall, Alec bumping into him a little. Alec looks confused, but when he follows Magnus’ arm to where his hand is placed, he smiles cheekily.

“Care to join me?” he asks, the door slowly moving open, Alec knowing how when he senses the movement of magic to the side of him, Magnus’ fingers curling towards his palm as he commands the magic.

“Is this a smart idea?”

“We’re sensible men, are we not?” Magnus chuckles, walking two fingers up his chest, Alec’s skin jumping from the contact.

“Sometimes?” Alec looks into the bathroom, his tongue poking at the back of his teeth as he thinks this over, “I can’t speak for my past self, but I’d like to think who I am now has the decency not to let this escalate, even though every atom in me is telling me to do otherwise.”

“Well, just don’t drop any soap, and we should be fine.”

“Do you mean… don’t look down?”

Magnus takes a few seconds to realise that Alec won’t get that reference, laughing inwardly to himself as his lover looks on in confusion.

“At least we know which one of us is the immature one,” Alec says, fingertips scratching the back of Magnus’ neck, “wait, am I missing something?”

“Ah, no! I forget that you don’t know most mundane references. Perhaps one day I’ll let you explore what we call the internet.”

“Been there, done that.” Alec huffs, looking at Magnus as he takes particular interest on his neck rune.

“Since when did you need to use the internet?” He can guess Alec used the internet at Maia’s, but Magnus can’t see why he would need to use it.

Why would Maia even _let_ him use it?

“Oh,” he barely shrugs his shoulders, legs following after Magnus, the warlock tugging on the waistband of his joggers as he walks backwards into the bathroom, “no reason.”

Magnus can feel Alec’s heart beat rapidly increase as the cold of the bathroom floor reaches up his legs. He won’t pressure Alec anymore about the things he does at Maia’s, because Magnus trusts him that he'll never keep anything important from him.

As the couple stand in the middle of the bathroom, Magnus can feel Alec tense under his touch. The fear again, it radiates from him and how much he hates the thought of losing control.

Brushing fingers through Alec’s hair, Magnus takes a step closer, a finger still hooked into his joggers as he kisses the rune scar of his neck.

Alec’s eyes flutter shut, a groan bubbling but never surfacing as Magnus continues moving his lips over the sensitive area. Alec didn’t even know his runes were like that, causing him to tilt his head away from Magnus ever so slightly so he can have better access, but Magnus just pulls him back. He appreciates the scratch of Alec’s stubble against the side of his face, and he knows that if Alec does get too into this, then there’s no flipping that switch back off for then.

“Relax,” Magnus whispers against his skin, his breath rolling over the surface, “you would never hurt me. You can control it.”

For Magnus to know his fear and remember it, Alec’s heart shakes from the previous nerves, replaced by adrenaline from how Magnus’ lips kiss and teeth bite softly on his neck. His distraction worked, but his words brought the fear back. However, this time it was only in the back of his mind, not wearing it on his chest as a weak set of armour.

“I don’t know if I can,” Alec looks down, not looking back up until one of Magnus’ hands helps his heavy head. When he looks back into those brown eyes, he can’t help but feel his knees weaken at the sight, “I don’t want to risk it.”

“My dear, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Don’t do it just for me.”

It takes a second, but Alec eventually nods, slowly moving his hands to confident places on Magnus’ body.

“Can we.. go slow?”

“Slow?” Magnus repeats, watching Alec’s little nod bring his heart back to life, previously worried that all of Alec’s progress might shatter in seconds, “we can do that.”

His little smile brings happiness and comfort Magnus’ way, and the confident demon exterior seems to slowly melt away as the event dawns on them.

How are they going to do this? Of course, they are sensible and mature men, but how can they keep themselves from turning up the heat when the temptation to do so is standing right in front of you?

There’s only one way to find out.

Perhaps it was Alec’s fear of never seeing Magnus again that gave him the confidence last time, but here, everything is different.

They are together, for real. They have time to appreciate one another today, and most importantly, Magnus doesn’t feel the fear of his heart breaking.

Magnus is the one to make the first move. Fingers move over Alec’s hips, the demon’s skin warm to the touch, fingertips pressing over bone every time he meets it with back and forth movements.

Alec leans his head into Magnus’ neck, his own hands moving inward to Magnus’ stomach, thumbs poking at the buttons that tie together his silk pajamas. The air is quiet, only the sounds of skin over skin, as well as lips pulling away from skin as Magnus kisses down the side of his neck.

A warm fuzz tickles down his spine, Alec popping one button, and then another, and _another._ He’s taking his time, but not too long to make this painfully slow where the heat can creep up on them.

He doesn’t finish opening them, a few left at the bottom, Alec wasting no time in exploring with his hands over the gorgeous skin of his lover. How it’s so warm to the touch, smooth and glowing under the gentle candles that Magnus ignites with the snap of his thumb and forefinger.

Alec giggles, feeling the spark of the magic from where he did it over his lower back. That means that he smiles into his kiss, Magnus joining him as their lips struggle to meet while their mouths are occupied with laughing.

Magnus still wears the robe, but not for long, as Magnus lures Alec closer to the shower, hands going back with his arms for a moment. Alec gets the message, both hands brushing over Magnus’ chest to push back the robe over his shoulders. It slithers down Magnus’ arms, his silk shirt stopping just at the elbows.

“You’re beautiful,” Alec speaks, his words so small and delicate as they send little shivers where Alec touches with his lips, and that is Magnus’ left shoulder, _“so beautiful.”_

He finishes undoing the buttons on the shirt himself, Alec too preoccupied placing gentle little pecs over his shoulder, moving up to the side of his neck. The robe and his shirt now sit heaped on the floor, leaving trails of clothes one by one as the couple slowly make their way to the walk-in shower.

Magnus leans his head on Alec’s, one hand on Alec’s bicep and the other pulling a little at the back of his hair. His goatee scratches against the skin of Alec, similar to Alec’s stubble as he kisses him. He doesn’t remember Alec seeing him like this before, maybe the one night where they first slept in the same bed, but Alec is so _gentle_ in how he moves his hands over his skin. Alec’s fingertips press against the lines of muscles down his back, feeling for the ridges that move as Magnus does since he can’t see for himself.

“Do you like being in the dark now?” His voice is quiet, but Magnus hears it clearly as the words sink into his skin where he’s nipping along his neck.

“Not all the time.”

“You don’t have to do that, I’m not light sensitive.” Alec pulls back, looking at Magnus as their eyes meet again, one of his hands brushing the side of his face.

“It’s relaxing,” the previous hand on Alec’s bicep moves to his chest, hand moving in small circles to soothe the demon, knowing his blood is boiling somewhere deep down, “and for moments like this, just us, I think it adds a little more to it.”

Alec can agree, from how the small flames flicker orange patterns up the walls, to the subtle atmosphere the darkness creates. Magnus appreciates how the lack of light frames very delicately. The slight reflection of the flames dance in hazel as well as brown, and the little shimmer of gold on Magnus’ rings as they move across Alec’s skin. There’s no need to rush or be loud, as their connection keeps growing and growing with a familiarity, knowing limits and highs. Magnus knows Alec struggles with his confidence when it comes to these things, having no experience and constantly worried about his demonic powers crawling back and taking over - because that _can_ happen. Being so close to what a mundane would call a sin, his blood boils, his teeth grind, his flames begin to burn up and down his arms - but not today.

Not when Magnus is here to calm those embers from his soft touches and grounding words. Even his eyes help Alec, the brown that pools so deep from the years and years of events Magnus has been through. Those eyes have seen horrible things, but they remain so full of colour and beautiful to Alec, as well as the people who know Magnus. But only Alec has been close enough and aware to notice the small details, the specs of colour that differ from the rest like stars in his eyes.

“I agree,” Alec speaks as Magnus steps back, reaching into the shower to press on the wall, starting the shower as the water begins to fall, “it makes you appreciate things more, in a way.”

He doesn’t dare look down, Alec promising himself he wouldn’t, even Magnus thinking the same thought as he meets with Alec again. One hand sits on the demon’s stomach, thumb moving slowly as Alec can feel the nerves hit him in the gut. Can he really do this without things going wrong?

Alec takes Magnus’ hand, lacing their fingers together. Magnus feels the shake in his fingers, and his heart begins to struggle under the pain of uncertainty.

“Do you feel it?”

He doesn’t need to ask Magnus to get what he means, and Alec is scared that he’s going to ruin this because of his fear of losing it all.

“Here,” Alec guides Magnus’ hand to his lungs, and only then can he feel how they constrict beneath his chest, his heart fighting out against the demonic powers that begin to stir, “I’m not wil-”

Something cold sinks into him, but it’s not fright or pain - it’s Magnus’ magic. Alec looks down to his own chest, the blue swirl of his magic forming like an extra hand over Alec’s. It spreads over his lungs, jumping around and soothing the embers that begin to spark in the gears of Alec’s body. It almost feels like birds flying around inside his chest, his own wings beginning to awaken and flutter from the warlock’s magic.

And Alec smiles, feeling the air that was once constricted inside his lungs tumbling up his throat. Magnus smiles back, keeping his hand there to make sure his magic reaches every corner, helping Alec feel a little safer, not only for Magnus but for himself too.

“Thank you,” whispers Alec, bringing the hand up to his lips so he can kiss his palm, letting go soon after so Magnus can place it where he wants. He chooses Alec’s stomach again, moving in soothing circles once more, “it really helps knowing you care about this, that you just don’t see it as a burden.”

“Nothing is a burden unless you make it one,” Magnus welcomes the little confidence Alec gains from feeling the magic hold him, the effect being able to stay for a while after Magnus originally casted it, “and you may have been one at the start for my free time, but you are nothing like that now.”

Alec laughs at the reference to his past antics, from how he broke Magnus’ table from sneaking in through his wards, Magnus defending himself because of it.

“Well, I apologise,” he kisses the tip of his nose, his hands moving down to his own joggers and pushing down while his mouth and words distract his own nerves, “I’ll tell my past self to knock if I ever meet him.”

Magnus can hear Alec’s joggers pool against the floor, and his throat becomes a little dry at the struggle not to look down. They eventually will, in all honesty, because no matter how highly they prioritise taking this slow, their _need_ to go further will eventually overpower everything else. Hopefully, that time will come when they’re ready for it.

He pushes down his own, Magnus keeping his eyes locked to Alec as the demon picks up even more confidence. His fingertips find Magnus’ hips, bringing him closer so they’re hip to hip. The water finally reaches a warm temperature, and Magnus takes Alec’s hand, their bodies shaking a little from this new contact of being skin to skin for the first time.

“Come on,” Magnus gestures his head towards the shower, the steam fogging the glass, steam tumbling over the ceiling from the open shower as it thunders from the shower head, “time for some TLC.”

Alec willingly follows, their hips still close even when they move under the spray, the immediate relief of warm water painting over their bodies as the water scopes out the angles and curves. Alec doesn’t feel much, but for the first time, he can tell the difference between the heat of Magnus’ hands and the water. That little detail makes Alec’s heart flutter even more, the wings hiding inside shifting at the emotions that begin to appear.

Magnus nods at him, a small gesture that doesn’t need words, as if asking about the temperature of the water and making sure it’s ok. Alec nods in return, his smile fading a little as he parts his lips, hands moving up from Magnus’ hips as he turns back around. Magnus closes his eyes, his lips meeting Alec’s as the demon cups his face, the water falling down Alec’s back and some parts of Magnus’ chest.

Their kiss begins to catch fire, Magnus welcoming Alec’s tongue as Magnus turns him, pressing Alec’s back to the cold of the tile wall. The sudden cold bites at Alec’s spine, causing a gasp to be ripped from his lungs. Alec’s hands shift to Magnus’ hips once more, pulling him in and feeling a breathless moan surface at the friction. It elevates Magnus, his hand finding Alec’s hair, the other exploring down and pinching at the side of his thigh.

Alec knocks his head back against the wall, his lungs crying out for more oxygen as all the blood rushes down, Magnus knowing how much the magic that still sits inside him begins to bubble. It should have faded, but it looks like Alec’s heart keeps hold of it, and now Alec is using it for his own pleasure. Of course, Magnus doesn’t mind one bit.

A hand leaves Magnus’ hip, reaching for his hair and pulling his lips from Alec’s neck, combining their lips again as Alec thanks the wall for its support. Otherwise, he’d be crumbling to his knees, completely swarmed by this heat that speaks _Magnus Magnus Magnus._

 

Magnus’ heart sings, shouts even, over and over beating to a rhythm of _I love him._

 

“You ok there?” Magnus asks, breaking away from their kiss, Alec lazily pulling him in, their chests touching as his dazed expression takes in the flush over Magnus’ cheeks and neck.

“Am I ok?” Alec repeats, smiling into a lazy kiss that they share for a few seconds, “of course. I’m happy I made it home to you.”

He made it _home._

For Alec to call his apartment, his own safety _home,_ how is Magnus ever supposed to reply to that? His body swells with undenying love for the man in front of him, his chest still moving a little frantically as he calms from his high.

“Home?” it’s more like a question than a statement.

“Anywhere with you will be home to me, Magnus,” he taps his side, chuckling a little when Magnus smiles so sweetly. He’s so beautiful, so caring, so - _Magnus,_ “and I hope that’s ok with you.”

“Yes, yes it is,” he leans into Alec, hugging his arms around his neck as they sway a little, “always.”

Magnus breathes in, leaning his forehead against Alec’s. He bites his bottom lip, the words trying to punch their way out as Magnus holds back. If he says it, there’s no going back.

But his heart has already made the decision for him, the winning argument that Alec’s love has been the only one to make him want to say it, that his heart wants to let the world now what he truly feels.

“I love you.”

Alec tenses under his hold, and Magnus wants to swallow those words back again, at least, that’s until Alec swallows himself and speaks up.

“And I love you, Magnus.”

Their smiles meet, and their hearts tie the string permanently. Words seal their promises as Magnus finally speaks what he’s wanted to for a few days now. It’s always been there in the back of his mind, and as the water runs down his arms, Alec’s hold gentle and safe around him, he can’t imagine any other time to say it. There have been chances before, but now they’re down to skin and bone, Magnus can feel the raw connection of heart and soul between them.

Magnus doesn’t have to worry about his declaration going to waste, because he knows that truly, Alec has been the one he’s been waiting for. He just happens to be a greater demon, ex Shadowhunter - boil that down to the finest of details, and Alec is simply a man with one of the purest hearts Magnus has the chance of feeling. Magnus doesn’t just see his love, like the smiles and the way his shoulders shake when he laughs at his jokes, but the way he can make Magnus feel twenty emotions at once all from a simple touch or reminder of Alec in his head.

This love, he can’t turn back from.

This love, Magnus refuses to let go.

And now Magnus doesn’t have to worry of that happening, because the hand that joins his has never held so tightly.

Magnus and Alec embrace under the spray, swaying slightly as the water becomes their only music, hands disrupting the flow and shifting the sounds as it plummets to the floor at different speeds. Alec hums a tune, something related to Christmas, and Magnus chuckles at the vibrations from said humming as they spread over the surface of his neck.

“Should we actually do what a shower is used for?”

“How unbelievably boring,” contests Magnus, his sly smirk catching Alec’s hazels as they pull back to face each other, “but I guess we could.”

“Shhh,” Alec pecks his lips a few times to stop Magnus from jokingly convincing him otherwise, “turn around, I’ll wash you first.”

And Magnus does, Alec kissing the back of his neck, eyes closed as he reaches to the side for the shower gel. His eyes open for a moment to look at the scent as he pulls it back, distracting him a little.

“Sandalwood?”

“Mmm,” he hums in reply, looking over his shoulder to smile at Alec’s confused face, prodding at the lid to try and open it. It’s quite the fancy bottle, “my favourite.”

“Oh, I see.” Alec places some on his hands, rubbing them together as the water trickles down his arms, bubbles building eventually.

Magnus turns his head back, closing his eyes as Alec’s hands begin to massage into his back. They’re gentle but a strong, continuous motion as his hands eventually move up to his shoulders. Every knot in Magnus’ body unwinds, leaning his head back onto Alec’s chest.

“How’s Maia been?”

“Maia? Good. She’s really happy about her relationship with Isabelle,” as they talk, Alec continues to massage Magnus’ back, “and she’s been a real hero with everything.”

“I’m glad you have that someone to turn to, not just me.” Magnus turns around, Alec about to complain when Magnus pulls him in for another kiss.

“Hey, I’m trying to -” Magnus steals his words again, laughing as Alec frowns at him, “don’t make me tickle you again.”

Magnus rolls his eyes, hugging around Alec’s waist. Alec massages his shoulders again, thumbs moving towards his neck and washing towards the back.

“What about you? How’s the Institute going?”

“Not exactly an interesting conversation, my love,” he tickles his thumbs along Alec’s hips, closing his eyes as hands move down his chest, “but if you want to know, I guess I can’t deny that.”

Alec reaches to the side for the shampoo, Magnus watching how he seems to focus on getting an even coverage over both hands. Magnus stays quiet as he watches, Alec expecting Magnus to continue, but he slowly begins to blush as he realises Magnus is just simply watching him.

“What?”

“You, doing this,” Magnus points to his hands, “taking care of me.”

“Don’t people… do this normally?”

“You’d be surprised how many people in relationships don’t do this, it’s completely one sided.”

“Oh,” his little word makes Magnus chuckle, taking some bubbles from Alec’s hands and placing them on the tip of his nose, “I see.”

Alec laughs himself, embracing Magnus as he falls into him. The water is still warm, and by now, they might as well just ignore the shower all together. He begins to tickle Magnus’ sides, letting Magnus laugh freely as he twirls him around, catching him in his arms again as they face each other.

They continue to wash each other, Alec massaging shampoo into Magnus’ hair, Magnus soon returning the favour when it’s Alec’s turn.

Alec places one hand against the wall as Magnus prepares some shower gel on his hands, eyes wandering over the expanse of his back. One thought he’s always had while Alec is away is how his wings were developing.

“Have they changed much?” Magnus kisses the middle scar on his back, his hands meeting the wing scars on either side.

“My wings?” Alec replies, Magnus humming as he begins to massage into Alec’s shoulder blades, “they haven’t grown that much, but I can’t really tell other than the weight.”

Magnus thumbs into the back of Alec’s neck, then down as he presses into his spine. Each knot that’s stuck in his muscles unfolds, Alec leaning his forehead against the cold of the tiles.

He smiles as he feels Alec’s body slowly bleed all that tension of those two weeks away. Magnus also feels like Alec finally has a little bit of breathing room. Thanks to his little display of pleasure not long ago, his demonic blood has calmed down. He’s happy to say that every small pull of his hair was Alec and solely him, there was no one sided need for pleasure. Of course, Alec never gave it back in this moment, but he was the first to make Magnus feel that way before they had to part.

But Magnus doesn’t think about that too much, he continues to believe that day by day, Alec will control his blood to the point where he never has to worry about it again.

Magnus will no doubt be a major factor in this.

Alec turns around as Magnus taps his hip, Alec sitting his hands on his waist as Magnus stares at the scar down his chest. Alec looks between Magnus and where he’s looking, not needing a second glance to judge where he is.

“They don’t hurt, Magnus.”

“I know. I’m thinking about the first time I saw it,” he knows the Soul Sword is contained at Catarina’s, so there’s no worry about a Soul Sword appearing out of nowhere, “and I remember the pain I felt in my own chest.”

Alec pushes his hand through Magnus’ wet hair, the strands staying back as the moisture sticks them together. He wasn’t aware how much Magnus knows of his scars, especially feeling an equal pain to him, or a small, numbed version of it. Nothing could describe what Alec felt when he was forged into a demon, and Magnus never wants to have Alec feel that again.

“I remember thinking you would hate them,” and that thought is once again demolished as Magnus kisses the scar in the center of his chest, “and I was scared you would never see me for anything else.”

Harsh as it may seem, but that was the usual train of Alec’s thoughts because of how he was seen as the enemy. Why would Magnus accept a demon who was making his life hell at that time?

The first time his scars showed themselves to Magnus was that fateful night he almost lost him, and himself.

That memory still brings pain, but also relief and pride as to how far he’s come. He relies much less on what he is now, concentrating on _who_ he is.

“I would say the same about my warlock mark,” Alec immediately shakes his head, “I’m serious, I can’t count on my fingers how many times people have cut ties with me once they see them. They’re demonic.”

“Yes, they are, but that doesn’t mean they make you any different. I don’t see anything wrong or disgusting about them.”

Originally Magnus thought Alec was too gone in focusing on Magnus that he doesn’t notice his warlock mark, or that he simply doesn’t want to talk about it. Hearing this now, it’s more than relief, it’s what Magnus needs to hear to start loving himself that little bit more.

“If anything, they’re the most gorgeous, powerful eyes I’ve ever seen. Rightfully so, because it matches the rest of you, strong and caring,” he brushes his hands down Magnus’ hips, “don’t ever feel I would be disgusted by them, because I’m not. I love you, and that means loving every single part of you, from flaws to strengths, because we all have them. What you deem as ugly won’t make me love you any less.”

Magnus lets the glamour fall, Alec holding his breath as he’s taken by the sudden brightness of them in the room. The water that flows down Alec’s chest now reflects a golden luminosity, Magnus watching every subtle shift in Alec’s expression as he stares at the gold that breaks through the silence.

He mutters something under his breath that Magnus can’t catch, and he assumes the worst, soon replaced by a fluttering feeling of love. Alec leans forward a little, Magnus closing his eyes as Alec kisses over his eyelids gently, one after the other, just once.

“You’re beautiful, Magnus. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise.”

The pair fall into each other after that, Alec looking at the gold reflect along the wall of the tiles next to them as Magnus moves his hands up and down Alec’s spine. He feels the wings flutter beneath, following Magnus’ touch ever so subtly.

After a few minutes of silence, Magnus chuckles to himself, not knowing why they’re taking so long to actually have a _shower._ Alec looks at him like he knows the answer himself, closing his eyes and enjoying the pampering as Magnus washes his hair. His longer nails massage into his scalp, making Alec hum a little as he holds his lover’s waist close to his.

“Do you regret my invitation to shower the first time then?” Alec mumbles, tilting his head to the side as Magnus gets the hair behind his ears and down the back of his neck.

“Not at all, because that led to this moment right here,” Magnus finishes washing his hair, pushing Alec back a little so he stands under the spray again, “and this moment is perfect.”

The couple continue to pamper each other for as long as they can, Magnus eventually convincing Alec that they should leave a few seconds later. Alec owes him a big water bill, and Alec simply said that if he didn’t drop to his knees, they wouldn’t have that problem in the first place. Magnus simply nudged him in the chest, saying he won’t do it again if that’s how he feels.

Of course, it’s all jokes, because before long, the couple are drying eachother with soft towels Magnus freshly conjured. Magnus admires Alec as he stands there, pushing the towel into his nose and inhaling the fabric softener. He appreciates these little things, and Magnus wonders if Alec remembers the day he gave him that blanket.

He does, and Alec will get a chance to use it now he’s home.

He asks Magnus to lean his head forward a little, rubbing a towel into his hair and then down his neck. The towel covers his hands, so the way he cups his face and pulls him in is softer than ever, giving two kisses that drag their lips together. The candles still burn, the strong gold and yellow that usually settles during the day non existent, as the colour that pierces through the doorway is a dull blue. Storm clouds are rolling in, snow falls like a blizzard, but it doesn’t matter to Magnus and Alec.

Magnus pats his towel gently down Alec’s back, smiling as Alec twitches at the tickle spot the towel creates near his wing scars. Alec looks over his shoulder, _daring_ him to start a tickle battle that he knows he’ll ultimately win. Alec has _feathers,_ and he’s not afraid to use them to win such a battle.

He kisses the back of his neck when Magnus finishes drying Alec, the pair freshly washed with bright and healthy skin. They’ve practically washed away the past two weeks of longing, replaced by massaging hands and the scent of Sandalwood.

“You get dressed,” Magnus clicks his thumb and forefinger, creating a fresh pile of clothes for Alec to put on, “and I’ll get something ready.”

Alec is about to ask why he isn’t, but Magnus simply magics clothes onto himself, a pair of baggy joggers and Alec’s _I <3 NYC _ shirt that he got him before. It’s a little worn already from repeated washes, the print not staying intact thanks to the quality. If anything, it adds to the relaxed look, he’s not trying to impress or dominate.

There’s no need, anyway. Magnus has already won and claimed Alec’s heart.

This is _their_ Christmas, and Magnus will take the opportunity to be as laid back as he damn well pleases.

“You still have it?” Alec smiles, wishing he could hug him but his hands are full of clothes.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Magnus opens the bathroom door wider, letting Alec see the hallway and Omamori as she darts past, dodging between Magnus’ feet as Chairman chases her.

He can’t answer that, lowering his head and shaking it in disbelief.

Alec is having a Christmas, for the first time, and it’s with the love of his life. Later he’ll be surrounded by friends and food, and who knows what Magnus has in store before that.

He just hopes that Magnus will love his gift.

And Magnus hopes Alec will love the gift he got for him, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you see why I had to make this an extra chapter? I didn't want to delete all of this and never have you guys read it, plus communication is so important!!
> 
> my tumblr is here [@obsidiak](http://obsidiak.tumblr.com/)! feel free to send me questions there


	15. Breaking Cages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, have 15k of the boys being hopelessly in love because I can't control myself. this was meant to be a chapter to move the plot along, but i ended up just making another extra chapter.
> 
> i'd delete these and move the plot forward but I enjoy writing these too much, and considering all the heavy plot that's coming - I think you guys will like having these things to look back on
> 
> !warnings! for mentions of triggering pasts and harm. 
> 
> tag your reactions/live reads with #ODSfic - your support is everything! and it's one of the main reasons why these big extra chapters keep happening. you guys are also the reason I have 30 chapters planned in my docs!! (this was only meant to be 10, what a lie that is now)
> 
> enjoy :)

_ “You’re not serious, are you?” _

_ “Giving up? Yes, I am.” _

_ “I’ve never heard a bigger lie in my life. You know full well there are years ahead of you to find what you’re searching for.” _

_ “How will years ever make a difference?” _

_ “You’ll see. In time, they’ll find you.” _

_ \--- _

Alec walks to the the mirror, hand already reaching up to gingerly touch the mark on his neck. The bruising is rather shallow, and Alec can still see where Magnus’ teeth pressed that little bit harder. A hickey, Alec’s perceived first that refuses to heal. 

Usually his supernatural healing will rapidly repair any small bruise such as this because of its insignificance, but Alec’s content state somewhat shuts off that. He can still heal, but when his mind isn’t actively in battle trying to save himself, Alec doesn’t feel the need to switch on those powers. Magnus was no danger to him, which is ironic because he originally was, his only one way ticket back to to hell below. 

Now as two fingers move over the darker red of his skin, Alec’s smile is subtle. Magnus didn’t hold back it seems, even though there’s only one, sitting between his collarbone and rune scar on the left side of his neck. Touching it sends little pained pricks over the surface, but it’s not enough to really bother Alec. It will be sore for a while, and Alec didn’t even notice he had it until he went to scratch it. He was that far gone and lost in the feeling of Magnus that his body didn’t even register pain - Magnus erased it.

The hand that wasn’t gently touching the hickey held his sweater halfway down his torso, so once he snapped out of the small daydream that replayed earlier events, he pulled the rest down. A dark blue, almost black sweater that, surprisingly, is too long for his arms. Alec didn’t know if it was on purpose, or Magnus’ magic was a little wonky after such an activity. It could be either, but he doesn’t really mind which way that blame falls. The sweater is incredibly comfy, casual and convenient for a relaxing day. As it settles properly over his torso, the ends of the sleeves stop at his knuckles, meaning his palms are covered by the soft material of the sweater.

His bottoms are black joggers, and his socks are black, hopping on one leg to put them on. As soon as he’s done getting ready, he steals some of Magnus’ deodorant and heads out the bathroom, blinded by the subtle morning light that bleeds through the blinds of the living room. Only taking a few seconds to adjust as Alec shades his eyes with his hand, he walks to the large window that opens up to the balcony.

Snow is falling, wrestling with the wind as a blizzard roars its way through the skyscrapers of the city. Without the sound of the wind, it looks incredibly peaceful. Alec places a hand to the window, looking down as the condensation runs away from the warmth of his hand. Snowflakes that fall against the window near his hand instantly melt, something so fragile in nature not being able to comprehend the heat of the demon’s skin. Maybe one day he’ll be able to hold something so fragile, to let himself feel the cold weather of winter.

A jingle breaks Alec from the winter wonderland, quickly looking to his left towards the open part of the apartment. He can see Magnus in the distance messing with something, but the little bells are much closer than where his lover is. 

Little barks make Alec look down, spotting Omamori standing there on her small feet, tail wagging as the decoration on her head makes Alec smile from ear to ear. He kneels to pick her up.

“Look at you!” he coos, holding her up so that she can see eye to eye with Alec, her tail still wagging from side to side with no sign of stopping, “Did Magnus give that to you?”

Her little barks of agreement make the reindeer antlers move on her head, in turn shaking the small bells that are stitched to the side. There are three on each side, golden in colour while the fabric antlers are a warm brown. The band they sit on is a bright red, contrasting against her ebony fur.

“You’re adorable,” Alec sings again, moving her close so he can kiss the area softly between her eyes. Omamori returns the small sign of affection by booping her small nose against Alec’s, “and I’ve missed you so much, my little friend.”

Omamori barks again, grumbling content as Alec brings her to his chest, the warrior’s calloused fingers scratching behind her floppy ear while the other stands strong. It’s really nice to see her so happy, especially for Alec who saw Omamori at her worst. Her time with Magnus must have been beneficial for her.

“She’s dressed more festive than us, that’s for sure.” Magnus adds as he walks over, smiling directly at Omamori as she turns her head towards the warlock.

Omamori moves into the affection of Magnus’ hand, her content little purrs accompanied by her tail as it continues to wag, hitting against Alec’s stomach every now and then. He’s not bothered, as it doesn’t even really hurt that much. It truly warms Alec’s body and soul seeing Omamori get along with Magnus, because if he left Magnus without that extra bit of safety, he wouldn’t have been able to sleep at all. 

“Seems so,” Alec’s smile is so bright as he looks down towards Omamori in his arms, Magnus doing the same but taking extra time in remembering the little details in Alec’s smile, “and they look really cute on her, thank you Magnus.”

Keeping his head angled slightly down, he looks at Magnus through his lashes, catching the warlock’s eyes as they look at his lips.

Alec parts his lips to speak, Magnus knowing he’s about to ask something about that stare.

“I’m remembering your smile, that’s all,” he gives one final fuss to Omamori, scratching his thumb under her right eye. Magnus moves his hand to Alec’s, the one that holds Omamori, soothing his thumb over the back of his hand, “because it’s nice to see you smile. Such things as beautiful as that deserve to be remembered.”

Alec’s smile returns after the dreaded fear of Magnus leaving subsides. Magnus notices the crinkles by the sides of his eyes, his whole face beaming with the same emotion. Even the way his eyes tilt up a little because of his cheeks lifting from smiles and chuckles - it’s all Alec, and it’s beautiful.

“Thank you,” his blush flourishes up the side of his neck, Omamori switching her focus between the two of them as they speak, her floppy ear swinging with the movement, “and your smile is beautiful too.”

Only now does Magnus realise he is indeed smiling, making it fade for that small second, but coming back brighter than before.

Magnus kisses him slow as he leans in, lips dragging in that subtle passion, eyes closed with Alec frowning a little into it. Perhaps moments like this will be theirs infinitely, because Magnus can’t see a time where this  _ doesn’t  _ make his heart leap, where it doesn’t awaken the lightning blue dancing underneath his skin. Its two unstable powers in balance, the hungry and ruthless powers of a demon, and the controlled and blessing force of a warlock’s magic. Yet they can kiss like this, in harmony, their powers awake but asleep at the thought of doing anything else but staying idle. 

Alec’s powers still warm his blood, and Magnus’ magic still simmers at his fingertips, but they both have equal control over their own powers and their lovers. Magnus is Alec’s anchor, and Alec is Magnus’ catalyst. Without him, his magic doesn’t feel so alive, and without Magnus, his powers are hungry for the weeks of sins he’s missed.

Their bodies can connect in more ways than one, and the strongest bond they have is the way their bodies just seem to  _ click.  _ Even after weeks apart, when their bodies  _ ache  _ after the missing piece, they just seem to come together again as soon as their eyes meet. 

Catarina was right, after all.

“Did you get me a pair?” Alec jokes as they part ways, Magnus letting his fingertips linger on his bicep, admiring the fabric of the sweater before walking away.

And of course, Alec follows, letting Omamori jump from his arms when they reach the kitchen counter.

“Reindeer antlers?” Magnus repeats, looking over his shoulder as Alec walks closer, for once hearing his footsteps pad against the wooden floor, “not at all.”

“Why not?” Alec leans against the side, his thigh touching Magnus’ leg as he looks down at what he’s doing. It seems he’s mixing some batter in a bowl, and Alec does that little scrunch of his nose.

Magnus notices, smiling at how he seems to look disgusted at something that will inevitably taste nice once the product is finished. 

“Because they are Omamori’s, not yours. Plus,” Magnus starts to mix the batter again, “you’ve inevitably been naughty this year, so do you think Claus himself would give you any gifts?”

Alec looks  _ destroyed.  _ It’s not that Magnus didn’t get him a pair of reindeer antlers, but the thought of  _ shit, I am technically forever on the naughty list  _ strikes him in the gut.

“Well,” Alec sighs, pushing himself away from the counter, “you’re right.”

There’s silence, Magnus about to turn around and speak words of praise to Alec, to say that he’s nothing but good to him, but the demon is too quick to do so.

Instead, Alec gently sets his hands on his waist from behind, hands curving inwards towards the bottom of his stomach. Pulling his own body closer, Alec leans in, brushing his nose against the soft skin of his neck. He places a soft kiss there, letting the love absorb into Magnus before pulling his lips away.

“I don’t need anything else if I have you.” Alec whispers to the bridge of his ear, Magnus’ fingers pausing their work as those words sink in.

_ “Alec,”  _ Magnus breathes his name, lungs choking at the power those very words hold, “you’re teasing won’t help you _.”  _

Placing another soft kiss, Alec squeezes his arms a little tighter around Magnus’ body, feeling the slight shake of emotions from what Alec just spoke. Magnus feels his eyelashes brush against his skin, sending little tingles that wrap around his neck.

“Teasing?” Alec repeats, looking down to the batter Magnus forgot about for the moment, “I’m only telling the truth.” 

Magnus would turn around in his arms and kiss Alec senseless, but they’ve already been doing that for most of the morning. He takes a deep breath, leaning his head back into Alec, trying to show the simplest of gestures even when he can’t with his hands.

“How have you not run out of words like this? How do you keep making me fall in love with you even more?”

The chuckle Magnus hears lights up his world, Alec nuzzling into the crook of his neck and speaking into his skin.

“Because I love you,” he kisses once more, “and I want to make you happy.”

A smile graces Magnus’ features, and he has to turn ever so slightly as Alec pulls back, his warm brown eyes meeting the hazel of Alec’s.

“And I love you.” 

Their lips meet, once, then again and  _ again.  _ Alec is intoxicating, the type of need that becomes more and more present as time goes on. Alec is that fire for Magnus’ love, that drag of lips that ignites his blood, the pressing of fingertips that electrifies his magic.

Over these weeks, they’ve healed each other in more ways than a wound, but ruptures in their souls. 

To have this, where Alec’s arms around his body make him feel safe, the flutter of his lashes on his neck giving little tickles - it’s everything and more. The time of year adds to it as well, as the cheer and cold of the festive season brings them ever closer.

It’s Alec’s first, or the first he will remember. For Magnus to spend it with Alec, where Alec  _ chooses  _ to spend it with Magnus is wholesome. Magnus no longer feels like a burden his lover has to carry, as this time they are completely  _ equal.  _ Alec helps Magnus, and Magnus helps Alec. That simple mutual support and love is what Magnus’ heart has been crying out for, and now he has it.

_ Finally,  _ Magnus has it - Alec too.

Alec exhales, his face one with  _ that  _ smile, the one that lifts one side of his face, the one that makes his eyes shine a little.

Soon enough, their loving trance is broken by Omamori, who barks to remind Magnus of the task at hand. Alec just snorts at her, which has her doing a little dance with her front two feet. Magnus simply laughs, turning his head back to the kitchen counter to finish what he was doing.

Alec  _ really  _ wants to be a distraction, but he doesn’t want to disturb Magnus any more than he already has. He’s mesmerised by the way he works, centuries of skill woven into Magnus’ muscles from practice and teachings. Alec can learn solely through him, and watching him fold the flour into the mixture solely with a spoon is another lesson taught.

“What are you making?”

“Since we’re being invited over to Maia’s for dinner, I thought I’d make a cake for her and Isabelle as a thank you,” he scoops some of the batter onto the wooden spoon, lifting it up and watching it fall to gravity ever so slowly, making sure it’s at the right consistency, “have you not eaten cake before?”

“Cake?” he scrunches his nose, “not that I can remember.”

“Try it,” Magnus looks back at Alec, Alec looking down to the bowl that doesn’t look like food you should eat just yet, “or are you scared of some ingredients in a bowl?”

“Don’t say that,” Alec mumbles, peering over his shoulder a bit more, “but don’t you have to - like,  _ cook _ it first?”

“What? Cake mixture is one of the best parts of cooking cakes. You can’t get ill because you’re immortal, so have a go! I promise it’s not a magical sugar induced recipe that sends you back down to Edom.”

“You know, if I didn’t love you like crazy, I would have been offended by that joke,” Alec replies, his tone a little husky as he removes one hand from Magnus’ stomach to dip his finger gently into the mixture, “but I trust you.”

Alec stares at the tip of his finger like his mortal enemy, because he’s not entirely sure if he wants to go through the suffering if it tastes bad.

But it’s replaced by his nerves being on  _ fire,  _ his heart and lungs stuttering as Magnus takes the opportunity presented to him. His tongue licks the batter away in one fell swoop, Alec looking like he’s seen a ghost when not long ago Magnus was doing the exact same to him but in more explicit terms.

“Go on Alec, taste the batter, but let me lick it off your finger before you even get a chance.” Alec glares at him, Magnus beginning to giggle at himself.

“You were taking too long,” Magnus dips his own finger into the batter, pointing it towards Alec so he can return the favour over his shoulder, “here.”

He looks to Magnus, trying to read him, but all he has is this  _ mischievous  _ look on his face. Or it could be the impending victory he feels that he’s right.

Alec keeps his eyes locked to Magnus’, taking the batter from his finger with his tongue, trying to look as attractive as Magnus when he did it. Alas, it fails, because the party in his mouth makes his face do another expression entirely. He looks shocked, as if that dark brown goo could taste as sweet and as  _ awesome  _ as it did.

“Holy shit, ok,” he grins from ear to ear as Magnus laughs, “you were right.”

“I told you!” Magnus mentally fist pumps the air because Alec didn’t react to Magnus holding his breath, as feeling his lips around his finger in such a way is  _ not  _ easy to ignore.

“Mmm, my intelligent boyfriend,” Alec mumbles into his skin, swaying a little as Magnus follows his movement side to side, Alec still embracing him from behind, “but I can cook too, you know.”

“You can?” There’s a sarcastic nature in the warlock’s tone, and he soon pays the price for it.

One of Alec’s hand moves down a little, thumb hooking under his shirt, tickling just below his belly button. That small tickle is all it takes for every nerve ending in his body to feel like it’s short circuiting. 

There’s a hint of Alec’s power pouring into Magnus, making Magnus exhale a bit louder than his previous breath. The only time Magnus has felt Alec’s magic was in defense of himself, or that skittering fear of losing control, but never like this.

He’s using it, controlling it for Magnus’ benefit as his stomach  _ aches _ for more of that touch, fingertips dancing ever so faintly under his shirt.

“You’re not helping yourself get off that naughty list,” Magnus says in reply to the attempt of slowly breaking his composure apart, ignoring the little smirk he can see to the left of him, “however, I do know you have rather good cooking skills.”

“Remember when we first made dinner together?”

“I do, the sword kept looking at me. It was almost as if it watched you cheat on it with me,” that makes Alec laugh, creating soothing circles instead of teasing ones on Magnus’ stomach now, “but that night was.. eye opening.”

Alec is silent for what seems like a minute, removing one hand from Magnus’ stomach, the one on top of his shirt and not under gently touching the back of his neck.

“I kissed you, right here,” Alec moves his fingers to the exact spot where he first kissed Magnus on the neck, smiling as he remembers that small moment where he could have either lost it all or gained his wish, “what did you think I was going to do?”

“Honestly? I had no idea.” 

Pulling the cake tin closer, Magnus pours in the mixture, making sure to use every drop as he scrapes it with the spoon. He doesn’t usually do things like this the mundane way, so it’s nice to take a break from making everything with his magic.

“Unpredictable is the word I would give to you back then. I didn’t know which way to turn, and at any point you could have turned your back on me and changed everything,” he shakes the tin, levelling out the mixture, “but you didn’t.”

“I didn’t,” Alec repeats, “I’m here, with you.”

Magnus feels something overcome him, the success and reward of letting his heart accept a kiss that fateful night. He thought it was going to be his lips, but Alec respected he may not have wanted that, going for an option that shows he wants Magnus but not forcing himself through Magnus’ bubble.

That night was the spark for their relationship, for their hearts to turn to each other and begin speaking, to learn the language of one another.

“How did it feel?”

“The kiss?” 

“Yeah,” Alec slowly switches sides, his lips hovering to where his fingers gently touch, “was it weird?”

“Of course, I was letting a greater demon kiss my neck in the middle of my apartment.” Magnus can already feel his breath, sparking the memory from that very night and how much he felt his own body change.

One touch began to shift tides, one touch peeling away the tar from his lungs bit by bit from years of repetitive and stale heartbreak.

“That makes sense,” their bodies speak to each other, Magnus leaning his head away from Alec as he speaks, but not to get away from him, but to accept the kiss he can sense coming, “but what about now?”

Alec’s lips brush over his skin, finding the spot and pressing one sweet kiss to his neck. Then again, and  _ again  _ until Magnus melts into him, hand coming up to press into Alec’s neck, soothing up and down the side of it. Alec’s hand under his shirt does small circles, calloused fingertips scratching the ridges of his abs as the pair enjoy a moment of silence.

As Alec pulls away, Magnus moves his head back, leaning his head on his shoulder and sighing. “Natural. Feels like home, almost.”

“Well, I certainly have more confidence,” Alec chuckles lightly, moving the hand that was sitting between Magnus’ shoulder blades as he kissed him to his stomach with his other hand, “and that might be a bad thing.”

“You mean getting too big for your boots? Maybe, but you have a mammoth of respect for me, even if you don’t realise that yourself.”

“Oh,” he twitches his nose, pulling his head back, “I’m glad you think that, really. The last thing I want to do is be a complete asshole.”

“Ah, you were. My broken kitchen table and wall will account for that.” Turning some dials on the oven, Magnus starts to warm it up ready to place the cake batter in to cook.

“You’re never gonna’ let that go, are you?” mumbles Alec, plopping his head onto his shoulder again and watching the last few preparations.

“That - and you,” Magnus turns his head to kiss his cheek, Alec snorting and shaking his head, “you’re stuck with me unfortunately.”

“And what a horrible realisation that is,” sighing, Alec closes his eyes and tunes his voice to sound sad, teasing Magnus as he tickles his stomach, “oh the  _ horror _ of being with a man who loves me dearly, saved my life, continues to teach me how to be a better person and has the softest morning face I’ve ever seen.  _ Unbearable pain.” _

Magnus nudges his side, Alec grinning as he sees a blush creep down his neck.

“Someone please save me from your awful attempt at flattery,” Magnus jokes, Alec frowning a little, “but I’ll award you points for the voice.”

“Your blush says otherwise, my dear,” Alec coos, kissing his neck where the red creeps over his skin like a river, “but I’ll take the role of being your knight in shining armour if you need saving.”

“Alec, it doesn’t work lik-”

“Ah! No, this is  _ my  _ version.” Alec argues, a slight chuckle to his voice.

“Hmm, that’s strange,” Magnus starts to reply, his sly smirk already making Alec feel like he’s lost this small battle, “because if I recall,  _ you  _ were the damsel in distress.”

Shit. He’s right.

Alec even called himself that, and with that realisation, he  _ groans  _ at the tickle over his skin from embarrassment. 

“Now now  _ dear,” _ Magnus pats his side with a free hand behind him, “not all of us can be the cool hero in movies.”

Magnus continues to smirk even when Alec slots his face into the crook of his neck, laughing as his shoulders wobble. How did they even get into this conversation? His whine is even more comedic, mumbling the words into Magnus’ neck.

“I wanna’ be a hero too,” he makes a fake sob, squeezing Magnus closer to his body, “please?”

Ignoring the cake mixture, Magnus swirls around as Alec lifts his head, the pivot on his feet looking so natural, so  _ perfect  _ that Alec is stunned by the grace of it. 

“But you already are,” Magnus smiles, reaching up a hand to flatten some of Alec’s curls that remain wild from the shower, “a hero doesn’t just save people. They do a lot more than that.”

Alec scans his face, taking in every detail once more, the shadows that cut along his face, the light that catches the most beautiful details.

“Giving people chances, showing them that life isn’t some dark alleyway you see no escape from. They show you leadership, they make you want to be a better person and follow them towards a better future. Genuinely good hearted people who just want to see smiles on people’s faces. No lies, no secrets that hold them back from doing what’s right, because at the end of the day, a hero’s greatest sacrifice is themselves.”

When Magnus speaks, he speaks with confidence. He’s a man who can weave his way through situations simply by how he commands his words, from a leader to the soft mumbles of a morning with Alec. It’s a range of vocals only years of experience can give, faced with a multitude of events that have challenged Magnus in some way or another.

And how Alec looks at him, like he’s the only voice worth listening to, it brings a whole new meaning to taking in words. Alec takes each one, every letter and structure that forms that speech and puts it to the forefront of his mind. Nothing is more important than actually  _ listening  _ to someone and giving them your full attention, and Alec does exactly that.

A smile tips one side of his face, Magnus watching the pull of muscles as it happens. His fingernails gently trace over the scar on his neck, and the more he does it, the more Alec realises he’s linking those words to Alec himself.

Magnus can see when he comes to that conclusion, the conclusion he wants Alec to realise about himself. More and more clues fall at their feet, and as a Lightwood, he may have been the most respected Shadowhunter in this neck of the woods. He may have even been the Institute’s leader for all they know, but a hero sometimes never gets a second chance.

_ A hero’s greatest sacrifice is themselves. _

A quote from Magnus that Alec repeats in his head, feels the weight of it drag down his skin and pull him. It could mean anything, from sacrificing their happiness and their own time for other people, to the end of all endings that Alec doesn’t want to think about.

“Are you…”

“Talking about you?” Magnus tickles the scar once more, watching Alec’s face become vulnerable, hands losing their solid grip on his waist.

Alec nods, his throat a little too dry to talk.

“Yes, I am.”

“I can - I can say the same for you,” Alec finally breathes again after forgetting to, the sudden reminder of a broken past pulling him away from the safe foundations of the room around him, “the way you saved me. You almost lost everything because of me, and now we can have this, I still feel that guilt of what I did before.”

“Alec, you may never know, but you lost a part of you that was rightfully  _ yours  _ from the moment you were born. You must have done something to gain such a painful fate, but I’m just hoping that now you have a fulfilling, happy life.”

Alec has never moved his hands so quickly, so shaken to Magnus’ face to hold him. He doesn’t want Magnus to feel a  _ drop _ of uncertainty that Alec is unhappy with his life.

_ “No,”  _ and Alec’s voice shakes, thumbs moving in unison over his cheeks, “you’ve made me so much more than happy, Magnus. Please,  _ please  _ don’t think that. One day I might be able to tell you, but right now my heart doesn’t understand most of what I feel, but I know that when my stomach flips or my heart stutters, it’s because of you.”

Taking Alec’s hands from his face, Magnus moves his fingers up so that their hands lace together. One soft smile later, and Magnus is greeted with Alec’s as he moves a little forward, placing a gentle kiss between Magnus’ eyebrows.

“This is your Christmas as well as mine,” squeezing his hands in comfort, Alec walks backwards towards the cake, bringing Magnus with him, “so let’s forget about the mess that’s going on outside. Let’s forget about the angels that loom over our shoulders distracting our worth, because this is our time. This is  _ our  _ Christmas.”

As Alec’s back hits the counter, Magnus places his forehead against Alec’s, looking into those hazels that sing so much emotion even when he’s just woken up.

“Just Magnus and Alec, right?” Alec nods at those words from his lover, brushing their noses so softly that it tickles Alec.

It tickles him to the point where he sneezes off to the side of Magnus, his body jumping at the action and closing his eyes quickly. Magnus raises a hand to his lips to muffle his laugh, Alec looking rather dazed at what just happened.

“Uh,” he mumbles, sniffing and wiggling his nose as he tries to find his footing again after such a sudden and unexpected sneeze, “sorry.”

Magnus chuckles, patting his chest, admiring the way he blinks rapidly to get some sense back, “It seems there is one way to stop your poetic habits.” 

Alec smirks, one side of his lips tipping up as Magnus moves to his side, putting his mind back on the baking task at hand. All he has to do now is place it in the oven, which he does within seconds now the oven has warmed up.

“What I was going to say, is yes.” continues Alec, turning to sweep Omamori into his arms, giving her some much needed attention.

But also, he’s missed her like hell.

The pair stay in silence as Magnus stands back up, Magnus looking out the window as the snow continues to fall as a raging blizzard.

Alec watches him carefully, taking note of his deep sigh, the twiddle of his thumbs and the slight squint of his eyes in concentration.

“Something… bothering you?” asks Alec, standing so he faces Magnus, hip against the side as he nuzzles his nose into Omamori’s fur on her head. It makes the bells jingle, her tail wagging from happiness.

He doesn’t reply straight away, just humming in thought as Magnus’s fingernails begin to tap on the side.

“Alec,” Magnus begins, turning to him slowly and locking eyes, “would you like to put up some decorations?”

Magnus swears he sees a small glint in Alec’s eyes, the twitch of his lips as that little wheel of excitement begins to spin.

“Yeah,” he says, smile becoming brighter as he registers what Magnus just asked him. To decorate  _ Magnus’  _ apartment as it was also his, to help decorate  _ their  _ home, “I’d love that.”

That lopsided smile appears again, Alec squeezing Omamori a little tighter before letting her down.

“Well, shall we?” Magnus gestures to the middle of the apartment, where magic begins to rise from the old surface of the wood.

Various old boxes stack on top of each other, Omamori running over as her antlers jingle on the way. Alec chuckles at her enthusiasm, and Alec finds himself having the same childish giggle inside of him. 

Magnus never said it was their home, but they’ve said it multiple times that it might as well be written on a plaque and nailed onto the door. Would Alec say no to that? Probably not, but he’ll always have that simmering guilt of taking everything from Magnus and giving little back.

Words are hard to express, and even with Magnus’ years of conversational experience, he can’t say the words he wants to because he’s never been given the chance before. He can’t explain how much Alec means to him when all these new feelings and overwhelming emotions bubble to the surface. It’s the same for Alec, both of them learning this new endless love that seemed to grip them so suddenly, the relief of their skin touching and feeling all too familiar.

And when Alec smiles, he doesn’t need to find words, because his own smile reflects what he feels back to him. Perhaps one day Alec and Magnus will say what their hearts want to speak, to understand the language they haven’t talked before. Magnus has, but his heart has never stayed intact long enough to be able to speak it proudly. Alec has never seen or felt that change, where he understands the stutter in his lungs or the silent song of his heart, but every second with Magnus feels like a step forward, learning together as their trust increases tenfold.

Magnus thought twice about putting the decorations up before. If he did, then Alec not turning up would make them incredibly sour. Having to hide them with a glamour wouldn’t have helped either, as his magic would constantly remind him that they were there, looming over his head like a promised event that was never going to happen.

And yet, it is. 

Searching through the boxes, Alec finds particular ones that he likes, Omamori searching with her nose over each and every object. They’re quite old, so as Omamori sniffs a particular snowflake decoration, she sneezes almost directly after, shaking off the tickle it leaves on her nose.

Magnus smiles at her adorable nature, and then beams even more when Alec’s laughter appears. It’s freely shaking his shoulders, creating wrinkles at the edges of his eyes as Omamori looks rather displeased at inhaling dust. Sooner or later, it makes her sneeze again, Alec fussing his hand over her head.

Just seeing him so content, so  _ human _ is more powerful than the next breath Magnus takes, the next smile he wears as he approaches them.

But his steps falter, mobile ringing on the kitchen side, the vibrations dancing the phone over the smooth surface of marble.

It startles both Omamori and Alec, ignoring the decorations as they both look to Magnus. He’s caught picking up the phone, the initial worry striking him in the chest fading to a small annoying tick in the back of Magnus’ mind. Alec seems to understand his body language, how it eases instead of locking up his usual graceful movements. If there’s no need for Magnus to panic with whoever is calling, then Alec doesn’t either.

He trusts him.

Magnus offers a smile to Alec, lifting a finger and whispering  _ Isabelle  _ as he presses the answer button. Just the mention of that name has Alec smiling, definitely more relaxed now he can put a name to who created the smile on Magnus’ face.

_ “Merry Christmas, Magnus!”  _ Her voice is already more cheery than usual, a spring in her words.

“Merry Christmas to you too, darling,” Magnus’ smile is ear to ear as he leans against the side once more, fingers walking over the countertop, “how are you two getting on?”

_ “Perfect, to be honest. Maia got to work on the dinner as soon as she woke up,”  _ the lack of her usual  _ Shadowhunter at work  _ tone brings Magnus relief, as that means there’s nothing wrong at this moment in time,  _ “and she bought me this beautiful dress! Gosh, I love it Magnus. I’m thinking of wearing it to the dinner.” _

“Bless her heart, and I’m sure you’ll look like a goddess. The Lightwood genes  _ are  _ angelic after all.” Magnus hears Alec snort in the distance, snapping his head away when Magnus catches him looking.

_ “Ah shush, I’m waiting to see what you’ll wear. I have never seen a Christmas Magnus smile before.” _

Being so focused on Alec, he forgot that it’s a first for so many other people too. It'll be the first time he spends a Christmas with Isabelle and Maia. He’s seen Maia at a party before, but never where they intend to sit in the same room and celebrate it as four of them.

For Magnus, it’s a first too. Where he gets to go with someone he truly believes will hold his arm, not drag him around and leave him stuck in the mud when he feels like it.

Alec walks over to the tree that Magnus’ magic has just finished creating. Bare and without decorations, it seems terribly out of place, but Alec and Omamori won’t have to think that for long.

He even looks at Magnus, pointing to the decorations and mouthing  _ do you want me to wait?  _ To which Magnus shakes his head, mouthing back that he’ll be two minutes.

“I never thought about that. I guess this Christmas is an important day for all of us,” he plays with the mug that’s left on the side from his earlier coffee, fingernails walking around the rim, “and I hope you girls aren’t doing all the work. We’ll be over as quick as we can.”

_ “Are you guys not out of bed yet?”  _ There are giggles between her words, some muffled by a hand to her mouth. Magnus can hear Maia in the background laughing a little too with the cling and clangs of kitchen equipment.

“Yes, we eventually did. I would tell you details but…”

_ “No thanks! I’m alright,”  _ Isabelle laughs again, but her words aren’t rude. She’s genuinely happy for them, even if Magnus is just teasing, because giving him the ability to joke and laugh freely about their relationship shows how much Alec trusts him, and how that trust is mutual between them,  _ “I don’t want to know, not when there’s food in front of me.” _

“I’m kidding, my dear. I simply let Alec sleep a bit more, and I think we both needed those extra few hours.” Magnus looks towards Alec and Omamori again, the sight being one he thinks he’ll never forget.

Omamori is in her normal form, tail wagging slow from side to side as her mouth gently holds a glass bauble. She’s watching Alec closely as he places the decorations on the branches, Omamori passing them to him one by one. He chooses what he thinks will look nice, and sometimes he’ll ask what Omamori wants on the tree. Thankfully Omamori doesn’t produce that much saliva, so the decorations aren’t all covered in slobber. 

The tree is at an angle, near to where the magical fire burns, golden decorations reflecting that light back as they’re hung on the tree. Omamori’s antlers have increased in size, matching her much bigger head and making her almost match the size of a reindeer itself. She comes up to the top of Alec’s stomach, then a bit higher when she sits down on her back legs. 

Magnus can see how Alec concentrates, brows pushing together as one particular decoration doesn’t seem to want to go on properly. He smiles watching him be so gentle with decorations that would crack with the slightest bit of pressure. Like he’s said before, he rarely puts them up, if ever, and when he does, he never does it the mundane way like Alec is doing now. Magnus’ positive blue magic can handle such fragile objects like this without Magnus even breaking a sweat, but Alec doesn’t have that luxury.

His magic either crushes or burns with fury. With time, that seems to be changing, as not long ago Alec used his powers to stir a little fire in his stomach, sparking his bones and making his lungs inhale more air than he needs. Not the most ideal of magic, especially if it distracts them even more from a regular day, but a start is a start.

_ “I’m so happy you guys could sleep. I was worried, I won’t lie about that. Even as supernatural creatures we can still suffer from the weight of all our problems, and I’m relieved that you two can find that safety and comfort in each other,”  _ her words never fail to make him realise the things he misses, the details only the outsider of a couple would ever see,  _ “I’m thankful I could get to spend the night with Maia. I really needed her after what happened. Not that it was a bad thing, but it was so overwhelming and having her there meant the world.” _

“I’m happy too, for the first time in a while,” Alec catches that, and the small blush on the side of his neck says it all, “and I’m happy for you and Maia too. Having that safety is a feeling you can’t replace.”

_ “Not at all. I don’t think I could go another day where I don’t think of her smile, or her really sweet hugs when I come home from the Institute.” _

Remaining silent, it makes Magnus to think about the little things Alec does that make his day. The little things that he looks forward to more than anything, the quirks that get him through those awful Clave meetings.

_ “What about you?” _

“Hmm?”

_ “Alec - I bet he does those little things too, doesn’t he? If not, I’ll be having stern words with him. He is my brother after all. I can’t have him playing around with a man’s heart who deserves nothing but an immortal lifetime of love.” _

He could smile, he could laugh, he could  _ cry -  _ but silence wasn’t something Magnus expected to do. Isabelle said  _ immortal,  _ and Magnus has a moment where he realises she isn’t.

They’d lose each other all over again.

_ Not today. Don’t think about that today. _

_ “Magnus?”  _ Her words slowly bring him from that dark place, his blurry vision noticing a body in front of him, a hand reaching out to gently hold his hand on the counter.

Alec read his silence, the way his whole body seemed to tense at whatever Isabelle just spoke to him about.

Taking a steady breath, Magnus moves so their hands interlace instead of one on top of the other, squeezing back and smiling towards the floor.

“Sorry, you caught me off guard there.”

_ “Oh, I’m sorry Magnus, I didn’t mean to-” _

“Isabelle, there’s no need to apologise. Just… thinking about stuff I shouldn’t. I made a promise to Alec that I wouldn’t do that today, but I guess my High Warlock and leading tendencies are simply coded into me more than I realise.”

Alec smiles down at him from where he hangs his head, his gentle little smile allowing Magnus the time to speak, to form words that he wants to.

_ “There’s no need to apologise for being what you are - and that’s a caring, loving and intelligent individual. You just want what’s best for all of us. If everyone was like you, this world would be a better place for sure. But it isn’t, so we have to do and work with what we have. Magnus, you’re the best example of that. I’m sure Alec can explain why if he hasn’t already.” _

And why doesn’t Isabelle want to say it now? It’s because Magnus needs to hear those words from Alec. Isabelle hasn’t known Magnus for long, neither has Alec. But Alec has seen Magnus behind closed doors, he understands him more than anyone right now, maybe even more than Magnus’ good friend Ragnor. Of course, that’s a shot in the dark, but Alec has this connection with Magnus that no friendship could match, and it’s not like Alec has ever wanted to compete with Magnus’ friends anyway.

Alec wants to be an individual, not on a leaderboard.

“Thank you, Isabelle,” he moves his gaze away from the floor, falling onto their joined hands as Alec has a small strand of tinsel on his hand from the decorations, “I really don’t know how to thank you for your continued kindness.”

_ “Turning up and eating my food would be one way! I’m kidding of course, but kindness shouldn’t cost anything.” _

Such wise words, yet only few follow. 

“We’ll be there, don’t worry,” Magnus then looks up at Alec, admiring his smile as Alec remains staring at their hands, “we’re just decorating a little, give us one or two hours.”

Alec can feel his smile growing as Magnus says  _ we.  _ Not long ago, they couldn’t even say that. They didn’t want too, they  _ hated  _ each other. Maybe Magnus hated him a little more than Alec did, but it was quickly swept away by the thought of something more.

Magnus saw it, the hope, the cry for help - and now he can physically hold that in his hands. The hope turned to a reality, the cry for help now a laughter that brings smiles to everyone who hears.

It’s fulfilling, the adventure everyone wants to go on. The dare to do something more.

They both took the leap, but they didn’t hit the ground. Alec’s wings slowed their fall, and Magnus’ magic keeps them suspended. It’ll be like that for as long as they please, but also for as long as fate will allow them.

_ “You mean you didn’t do it before?”  _ she doesn’t know what his usual Christmas consists of, but it didn’t harm to ask.

“No. I don’t think I would have enjoyed this holiday if I put up decorations without Alec. I told myself he would be there, and it hurt to think he wouldn’t be.” Magnus can feel Alec let go of his hand, feeling a small void there while he’s gone.

_ “Oh, Magnus…”  _ Isabelle holds her breath, frowning a little on the other end of the phone,  _ “but now he’s there, you don’t have to worry about that.” _

Alec hugs him from behind again, planting his chin on his lover’s shoulder, listening to Isabelle’s voice speak in pixels through the speaker. And if Alec’s presence was a metronome, Magnus’ heart was set to the beat of it. A simple gesture that can weave its way through every dark shadow that wants to cloud it. The gentle sway of his body to keep Magnus from idle thoughts, the placement of his hands that give enough thought without the heat. 

He stays there, arms wrapped around Magnus’ waist as Isabelle finishes their conversation. A beep signals the end of the call, and the room grows silent.

_ But now he’s there.  _

Those words sink into him like gravity, pulling him back down into the arms those words speak of. Alec is here, he’s safe, he’s  _ his.  _

Magnus turns in his arms, Alec keeping his eyes closed as their foreheads press together. A hand touches his cheek, gentle and familiar, Magnus leaning into the touch before his brain can even process what to do. Their love is so warming, so infinite that even silence was a showcase of how much they meant to one another.

Without need for words, without a request for action that drives them into the night - it’s the most natural form of love. When only the sound of nature is present, skin moving softly against skin, deep inhales to capture more oxygen in their lungs that struggle to catch up to their emotions, it’s a melody only they know.

A melody with keys, notes and pauses that they themselves have written and continue to write. The ups and downs, the increased tempo or loud beat, it’s all them, joining together their notes that don’t necessarily follow a rhythm to become something more. A song for the ages to remember. The song that changed everything, that changed  _ them.  _

When Alec was still fresh with sins on his mind, all he wanted to do was  _ burn,  _ to feel pain erase whatever he’s been made to be. He wanted the flames to swallow him whole, to hold his heart between his own hands and crush it, to not believe the lies and venom that tie to his bones. 

But… now, all he wants is this. Or more so,  _ him.  _ Magnus.

Magnus brought him back, the glow to his heart, the oxygen for his lungs, the strength for his bones. It felt true, it felt  _ real  _ that he could stand on his own two feet and walk at his own pace. He’s the glow Alec feels in the chest, the warm concoction of home and warmth. From that glow, grows his wings, tainted black but breathing beauty - he’s a miracle, and it’s a miracle Magnus loves him back.

Thinking about how much Alec cried, how much his hands clutched at his own chest to try and tear himself apart, how much the heat of the flames made his mind nonexistent. Magnus can imagine the love burning with him, not even seeing the light of day as Shadowhunter training took that time away before his fall.

As Magnus looks at Alec now, his eyes closed and simply relaxing in Magnus’ presence, he can’t imagine a time where he wasn’t like this. Unfortunately, there was a time when those eyes were void of life, where those hands could barely grip anything from the pain that shook his body to mind and core.

“You’re thinking too hard.” Alec whispers, his breath shaking a little when his own eyes open to meet with Magnus’ again, “why?”

It’s not necessarily a question, just a word that stumbled out his mouth when he struggled to find anything else.

“I can’t stop thinking about your fall, what pain you went through. I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to whisper that everything will be ok, when I know that’s giving us false hope.”

“But it is ok,” Alec takes hold of one of Magnus’ hands again, the other centered on his chest, feeling the rough fade of the print, “and we  _ will  _ be ok, for a long time.”

Oh how he wishes that was true. Magnus sighs as he leans his head on Alec’s shoulder, unsure if his heart is trying to kill him with how much it beats inside his chest. Alec knows how times can change with the snap of someone's fingers, yet he refuses to believe that. In the end, it may be his downfall, but Alec will always cover his back from now on, especially when so much love and memories follow behind him.

Alec won’t lose them again.

“For today, nothing will harm us, ok?” He speaks to Magnus’ skin, feeling the sigh that radiates outwards, moving over the warlock’s body like the morning tide, “I won’t let it.”

Alec’s fall may always stay a mystery to Magnus, and he wishes deep down that he knows what he went through. He’s had unbearable pain himself, the type that makes every second seem like a century, gravity becoming intense to the point when he could snap his bones with a simple movement - but this, this pain of losing  _ everything,  _ it’s something unique to Alec. Magnus knows how the flames of Edom dance, how they forge beasts that gallop in children’s nightmares, but he’s never seen it rewire an angel, to twist and turn their born nature to one of hellish creation.

He wishes he could take it away, to let it be a void in history, but Magnus knows how much a memory means to people. Even if that memory is the most painful one on record to their mind, to simply run away from it would be blinding themselves. Alec has learned from his past, just like Magnus refuses to let his control him anymore.

One day he’ll tell Alec about his mother, about her smile and the day she left him. He’ll tell him about his stepfather, about how he felt the water fill his lungs and hold him down. All those memories are painful, they push into his eyes and force tears to run, and with immortality, the gift to live as long as he pleases - those memories will remain for longer than a mortal heart.

The pain will never stop, going and going until his immortal heart fails to come back to life. It’ll keep Magnus alive, but he won’t feel the same feelings he would’ve before. Like how fresh coffee in the morning gets him ready for the day, or how a warm shower relaxes his body - those things will be nothing but actions he needs to do. 

If his heart breaks again, he fears that’s what he’ll be. A shell, just like Alec was.

“Magnus,” Alec speaks again, a soothing hand up and down his back, “it’s ok.”

Magnus doesn’t realise it until he moves his head, the patch of wet on Alec’s jumper that’s slightly darker than the surrounding colour. The single sob his lungs forced out was when Alec pulled him closer, Magnus not thinking in the present as he cries into Alec’s shoulder. Not a repeated sob or whine in pain, but a single gasp as he forced his eyes shut, the tears pushing through and rolling down his cheeks.

“Out of everything to cry for,” Magnus begins, his voice a little ghostly from the tear that pulled away the moisture in his throat, “I never expected it to be for you.”

Alec doesn’t even feel pain from that, just squeezes him a little tighter as he explains himself.

“I’m crying because of what you went through, and it reminded me of what my past was like, too. I have always looked at my past like a weight pulling me down, and sometimes I just want to let it. But you - you don’t let it bury you, you let it fuel you to keep going.” 

Bringing a hand up to Magnus’ hair, Alec scratches the back of his head, swaying a little as he listens to Magnus. If this is something he needs to say, then Alec will listen, he always will.

“I thought you were lucky to forget your past, to forget whatever you might have hated - but not knowing what you did hurts even more,” he can feel Alec react to that, because it’s true “and.. I don’t want to forget what happened. You made me see that without that, I wouldn’t be who I am today, I wouldn’t be the person people look up to and see as a leader,” he pulls his head away from Alec, closing his eyes as the comforting gesture of the demon’s hand moves through his locks, “and coming home to you, that’s something I can believe I deserve.”

Alec smiles, looking at the moment the tears wash over him, the moment when he lets the sun in and kick the darkness away.

“Isabelle said that the world isn’t forgiving, that we have to work with what we have. If that means working with my past, to look my demons in the eye and not fear them, then I’ll do that.”

“You already are, Magnus,” Alec brings Magnus’ face up a little, not letting him hang his head anymore, curving his hand around his jaw to do so, “you’re the best example of a heart too strong to love and a mind too wise to conquer. And not to big myself up, but you know that the world is cruel and that  _ you  _ as a person deserve the best. You only let people in who understand that, that out of everything that happened to you, you still smile, you laugh, you  _ live.  _ You’re an inspiration, Magnus.”

Magnus meets his gaze, noticing the bright shards that focus entirely on him. And finally, Magnus smiles back, placing both hands onto Alec’s chest with a sigh.

“And you’re my heart, my tomorrow, my mortality,” Magnus holds the fabric over Alec’s heart, feeling it between his fingers, “and that’s what I’ve wanted for centuries.”

_ His mortality. _

To feel  _ human  _ again.

Because despite the magic, despite the history and knowledge he’s accumulated - monsters still slither in his head, voices screeching and heart struggling. 

Pausing that power, the magic that runs through his veins - what is he?

He’s still the man Alec loves, he’s still the man people idolize and respect. His magic doesn’t make him any less or greater, and that feeling was hard to grasp on his own. The  _ self worth  _ he tells himself he has but gives little effort towards.

But as he stands here, Alec looking at him with a desire to keep that grounding mortal emotion going, he can’t see it any other way.

Every touch, every kiss, every breath he feels on his skin feels  _ real,  _ not a fake promise the moon witnesses once every weekend. Alec is in his head, his heart, his lungs - everything has some piece of Alec mixed in. From the greatest of influence to the grains of sand, it all helps Magnus stand on his own two feet. Not that he couldn’t before, but now he doesn’t have to carry and drag the weight of his heart behind him. 

It’s where it belongs, inside Magnus’ chest, warm and  _ home.  _ No longer will it be ripped from him, taken without a second thought to how Magnus will feel. No longer will he open that cage and give his heart away, hoping and praying that it returns to him in one piece after their inevitable time is up. In fact, he won’t even call it a cage, not even a home.

He’ll call it a vacation, because his heart is never truly home unless Alec is here, where Magnus can feel Alec’s own heart thump a little wildly in his chest. 

There’s that smile again, the one Alec uses to lead into a kiss, and Magnus accepts with his heart wide open.

No heat, no desperation to feed a sin that lingers on the edges of their sanity, but comfort. It’s the slow drag of lips, the small breaths after each part as mere seconds are spent apart. Even when Alec wants to speak, he speaks to Magnus’ lips, the warlock feeling every push of the words from his throat.

“That’s a lot of days you’re promising. You sure about that?” Alec’s tone is a little cheeky, but Magnus doesn’t see the harm in it, because maybe Alec hasn’t had to deal with this before.

The emotion of being promised a tomorrow, a tomorrow where a hand waits for him to hold. It’s heavy, the weight of that word, but every second he’s with Magnus makes it feel like a feather, a feather on a bird’s wing that gracefully commands the skies above them.

“Hmm,” Magnus feeds his fingers through that freshly showered hair, watching the locks shift backwards from the command of his hand, “I think I can handle it.”

He winks, and Alec snorts. 

“Think?” Alec tilts his head, almost like Omamori herself in her puppy form, slightly frowning as Magnus gains a smirk.

“If Omamori is anything to go by, you’ll be unpredictable.” 

“Ah,” clicking his tongue, Alec moves his hands down Magnus’ chest, staring at the shirt and feeling pride bloom in his chest from seeing him in it, “good surprises, I hope.”

Seeing him in that shirt was more… emotional than Alec thought it would be. Because when he got him the shirt, they were walking on thin ice, Alec trying his best to win the popular kids heart so to speak. He had done so long before Magnus said it himself, the signs being there but his heart too scared to leap. Magnus pretended that every day was the end, coming closer to the time where his heart would fail again, choking on its own desirable hopes and dreams. 

Now, Magnus can confidently say that there’s no more pretending, that this  _ isn’t  _ the end. He’ll fight for it, Magnus wholeheartedly wanting every tomorrow he can selfishly get from Alec.

And Alec will give every tomorrow he can, because he wants to, not because he has to.

“You were certainly a surprise, Alec. No doubt about that,” Magnus watches Alec bring his head back, placing a quick kiss to his cheek as he pulls him into a hug, “but the best surprises are ones we don’t see coming.”

Alec frowns at that, because isn’t that the point of a surprise? To not see it coming?

Or maybe there was something different about it now, the way he said it, the way his hand clutches near Alec’s Soul Sword scar. 

Maybe because nothing surprised him anymore. As haunting as that was, his age taught him every trick in the book, every scenario. Even if he couldn’t see it clearly, he’s intelligent enough to figure it out.

That’s where Alec comes in, the spell he can’t conjure. The formula he can’t solve.

The change in his life he never saw coming. 

And would he go back and change it? No. He wouldn’t. Even if Alec wants to go back and find out what he did, to return to his lost past and right his guessed wrongs, Magnus wouldn’t stop him.

He’ll find him again, he knows he will. This connection they have, the light through each other's darkness is something so rare to Magnus that he sees no future of letting it go. Maybe he’s selfish, to hold onto someone so incredibly wholey and worldly that other people won’t get a chance.

Magnus would laugh, because the world is too late. 

They had their chance, and they ruined it. Now Magnus won’t let pain reach Alec again, because he’ll fight through the thousands of floors below them. He’ll fight to the flames that forged Alec to rescue the home to his heart.

Alec would do it too. He’d go back down there if it meant saving Magnus. He’d do  _ anything  _ to save this heart, this man so pure with love and kindness. For years he’s been tossed aside by  _ lovers  _ who shouldn’t be called that. No more, not while Alec breathes this world’s polluted air.

“Then hopefully this will be the first of many.” Alec pulls back, still standing a breath away, opening the palm of his hand wide that wasn’t on Magnus’ chest.

A small flame sparks in his hand, red and crackling with the sounds of a fire on a cold day. Magnus looks at him with a small smile, not afraid of the magic that once gave him nightmares. This was Alec, the fallen angel, the man who battled through agony no one can describe to stand here.

From the flames, a rock appeared, one where the edges were sharp enough to cut paper with the smallest amount of pressure.

At first, Magnus thought Alec was gifting him a rock, but he soon realised it was much more than that.

“This -” he gently takes the rock, being no bigger than the palm of his hand, “is this… what I think it is?”

Magnus can already feel his heart swell, his lungs filling with a golden hope at believing in what he wants it to be. Alec’s smile confirms that.

“If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, then yes?” Alec chuckles, Magnus noticing how the nerves twist the sound ever so slightly.

The edges of the rock don’t cut him, and maybe Alec had something to do with that, but he couldn’t believe what he was holding in his hand.

“I don’t want to open this now, Alec,” and he looks a little confused by that, but then he notices his hands trembling with this emotion he can’t seem to handle, “I want to save it for tonight when we get home.”

“Oh,” even despite Magnus denying one of his presents now, he seems to breathe a little easier, “sorry. I didn’t know when the right time would be, and I guess I got a little too excited.”

“No! No you didn’t, I never expected a gift, that’s all.” Magnus replies, walking away, leaving Alec’s side as he walks to his apothecary.

Alec’s smile is bittersweet, because he’s a little hurt Magnus thought he wouldn’t get him anything. But he was also happy Magnus seemed to be happy that he did. It was one of two he got him, the second may  _ not  _ count as a gift, more like something he owes, but he’ll give it to him today.

Magnus also has two gifts, one he intends to give to him now, just like Alec has.

Placing the stone on the desk, Magnus hovers his hands around it, biting his bottom lip at the thought that swirls inside his head. He knows what it is, and he strangely feels Alec’s familiar trace of magic inside it.

He turns to see Alec leaning against the door, Omamori by his side as she sits down.

And a thought hits him. That’s his lover, his family, standing right there. Smiles on their faces, looking from Magnus to the stone even though Alec’s fingers still shake with nerves.

Even if he doesn’t open it now, Magnus still wants to confirm the thoughts inside.

“Is this a geode?” as he says that, Alec walks over slowly, not letting his eyes leave Magnus.

“It is,” and as he reaches the table, he places a hand on the surface to lean on, the other reaching out to touch it, “made by hand.”

So his thoughts were correct, especially so as he watches the rock react to Alec’s fingertip, veins of red pulsing over the obsidian surface in waves.

“You made it? For me?” Magnus still can’t believe this, that the raw form of crystal was inside that rock, created and forged by Alec’s crushing magic that would reflect the years it would take to form naturally.

“Yeah. You like jewellery, and I was at a loss on what to get you,” standing straight, he turns to Magnus and smiles, looking over the features of his face before settling back to his eyes, “so I wanted to give you a choice.”

Turning back to the rock, Magnus wonders what the crystal inside looks like, what hues are forged into the sharp and glimmering angles. If it’s made from Alec’s magic, then surely it will reflect him in some ways. Maybe hazel, or a ruby red from the embers used to create it.

“I asked Catarina for some ingredients to form the crystals, and then using my magic I could replace a volcano to make it with my own hands. I have no idea if it worked, but I’m positive it did.”

“You mean you don’t know what’s inside?” Magnus looks a little worried, the candles that still dance in the room flickering over the angled edges of the rock.

“No,” Alec huffs, shaking his head, “and as scary as it sounds, I wanted to wait until I gave it to you. This is the only geode like it in existence, so it’s going to be unique to you and you only.”

Alec’s magic has only forged something like this once, mixed with the ingredients that promise good health, inner spirit and universal happiness. This is one of a kind, and Alec finds it more than fitting for a unique person such as Magnus.

He deserves something a little special, something only Alec can give him.

What Alec doesn’t realise, is that he’s already given Magnus that special little geode - his heart. Dark on the outside, rough on the edges and unappealing to wary eyes. But on the inside, his colours are exposed, his dreams and desires laid out like a small universe in his hand.

Lifting one hand, Alec holds the side of Magnus’ face, moving in to kiss behind his ear as he whispers.

“I can make the crystals into earrings,” his lips then move to his neck, placing a soft kiss that makes Magnus sigh into his embrace, “or a necklace.”

Magnus’ smile is blooming, just imagining Alec thinking of this ideas of presents to give him, taking the time to forge something so naturally beautiful. He couldn’t see the metaphor just yet, but the thought of Alec doing this was beautiful in itself.

Alec raises Magnus’ hand to his lips, Alec kissing the underside of his wrist, then his knuckles, one by one.

“A bracelet, a ring - whatever you desire. I’ll forge it from the crystals in that geode. And if you don’t like it, then I’ll find you a geode that you lo-”

Silencing the demon with his lips, Magnus pulls him in by their subconsciously entwining hands, Alec mumbling into the kiss.

They do so until Magnus feels the tension of Alec’s body subside.

“Alec, it’s beautiful. The thought of this is beautiful, the idea is… what warms my heart the most. Having something this special, something that only I have? All the money in the world could never buy that, Alec.” Raising a hand to his cheek, his thumb brushes over the rough stubble, Alec’s eyes reflecting the glow of the candles.

“I know you love to express yourself through what you wear, but I don’t know anything about fashion. Maia wouldn’t help me, just told me to follow my gut,” and he points to the humming rock on the table, “so I made a pretty rock.”

Magnus laughs at that last part, Alec watching his shoulders shake as he tries to stop a joyful tear falling down his cheek. 

“Alec Lightwood, you poetic man,” Magnus taps the demon’s chest twice, “and I love that rock with all my being.” 

“I’m happy you do, really,” he nods, “I just hope you don’t open it and some slimy worm comes out of it.”

Scrunching his nose, Magnus shakes his head, very much disagreeing with his thoughts.

“Not at all. I can feel your magic inside, how it reflects and bounces off surfaces. There are definitely crystals in there. We’ll find out what later tonight, as I want to make sure my decision for your lovely gift is one I’m sure about.”

Alec agrees, not at all annoyed that Magnus didn’t decide to now. In fact, he’s mostly relieved that he didn’t turn up his nose in disgust at handing him a rock that had a fashionable arrival.

And he knows he’s thinking about it, because Magnus pecks his lips once to stop his train of thoughts.

“Hmm, since you gave me your present, I’ll give you yours now.”

“Magnus..” Alec’s voice becomes quiet towards the end of Magnus’ name, his eyes watching Magnus raise his hands.

“Close your eyes and hold out a hand, palm facing the ceiling,” Magnus whispers, the surface of his right thumb and forefinger pressed together, waiting for Alec to do as he asks.

Alec does exactly what he tells him to, albiet with a hard swallow from nerves, but Magnus adds on a few silent seconds before snapping his fingers together.

Blue magic swirls like a hurricane over the palm of Alec’s open hand, lips parting as he looks down, eyes still closed. The sensation of Magnus’ magic is something Alec will never get used to, something he never wants to get used to. How it makes him feel is what he can’t place, the warmth yet cold of it confusing his body but never making him feel threatened.

A weight now presses down on his hand, magic coming to a halt as it disintegrates towards the ceiling. There’s a breath he hears, one that’s heavy, and Alec isn’t sure if it’s himself or Magnus that did it.

“Okay,” Magnus breaks through the silence, the hand that previously controlled his magic now by his side, “you can open your eyes.”

For a moment, Alec doesn’t.

He’s scared of what he’ll see. It’s not that Alec doesn’t trust Magnus, but he doesn’t know what his body will do when he sees whatever gift Magnus got for him.

The blanket he was given was the first gift he ever remembered getting, and now, his sorrow of never receiving another one was well and truly crushed. Even more so when he could feel the material of the gift on his skin, cold and leathered with fabric stitching along the sides.

Not too heavy, simple but meaningful.

As he opens his eyes, he finds himself looking at Magnus first, the warlock wearing that nervous smile which glitters with a small amount of hope.

Alec brings another hand closer, making sure he doesn’t drop it as he finally looks down, breath stuck in his throat as he looks at the object in his hand.

It certainly has Magnus’ touch, even if very discreet.

“I wanted to get you something special,” he speaks quietly as Alec holds the gift in his hand like it’s the most fragile thing to come into existence, “and something that’s important to you, now more than ever.”

Taking a step closer, Magnus looks down to Alec’s hands, keeping silent as the demon takes in what he’s been given.

For a mundane, it would be an object anyone could buy, but Magnus wouldn’t just give him any journal.

This was a journal for  _ Alec.  _

Holding it with one hand, he moves the free one over the surface, gentle fingertips feeling the cold contrast of the leather cover. Two straps are wrapped around the middle, keeping it closed with a small little charm on the end. The charm is a blue wing, strong enough for Alec to tie under the two straps like it is now to keep the journal shut. Against the black colour of the leather, it shines like moonlight, cascading a small blue light onto his skin as his thumb passes over it.

“Magnus, this is  _ beautiful.”  _ Alec can tell this is handmade, from the stitching to the craftsmanship, elegant yet powerful - just like Magnus.

When Alec looks up at his lover, he’s smiling, taking another step forward so their hips are joined by the side as Alec continues to inspect the journal.

“This symbol here,” waiting for Alec to turn it to the front, he points to the middle on the cover towards the bottom, where a circle is printed into the leather, only visible when the light catches it  _ just  _ at the right angle, “will protect this book from anything.”

“Anything?”

“It’s a powerful spell, one that drained me for a few days during those two weeks you were gone. It's a mark that will prevent any memory demon stealing whats inside or natural harm destroying it.”

Alec can see why he’s done this, what this means. And with that, he smiles as one sob escapes him, holding a hand up to his mouth to try and silence them.

“Magnus, you didn’t have to do this, I-” he turns it to the side, noticing the much clearer print down the side.

_ a.lightwood, journal of memories _

“Memories are important to you, and god forbid that if anything happens to you,” Magnus takes Alec’s hand near his mouth, running a thumb over the back of his hand, “this journal will be the vault for everything you want to remember. No one can take those memories away from you, not anymore.”

Another tear breaks, and Magnus didn’t expect such a strong response, especially how he can feel Alec’s body shake as he pulls him into a hug. Alec’s hands grips his shirt at the back, crying into his shoulder as his tears don’t feel so painful anymore.

One of his biggest fears was losing this, this life he’s made for himself and the progress he’s made. Most of all, Alec doesn’t want to lose Magnus, his friends, his  _ happiness.  _

Even if Alec falls again, even if the demonic blood that poisons him takes control - the Alec who he is now will remain in this little journal, words written by his own hands.

_ I want you to remember, that the Alec I am now, will always love. No matter what. _

And now, it is.

Alec doesn’t want to be forgotten. He’s been through that once, and if fate forces him to do it again, the people he loves won’t have to suffer anymore.

He’ll be remembered, to the end.

“There’s a message inside for you in an envelope,” Magnus soothes a hand down his spine, letting it rest on his waist as a sniffling Alec finally steps back, hugging the journal close to his chest, “but I want you to read it whenever you feel yourself slipping. Whenever you feel down, whenever you need me and I’m not there - read it.”

“Thank you,” Alec’s voice is tiny, struggling to form from the tightness of his throat, the wings that flap inside his chest from the swarm of new emotions, “this means the world to me.”

Looking down to the journal, Alec moves his thumb along the edge, feeling the leather as it presses against his skin, imagining the hours Magnus must have spent making this. Honestly, he feels he should be angry, annoyed that Magnus believes that their lives will change towards the worst possible outcome. But he isn't. Alec is more than thankful that Magnus thought of this, because now there isn’t this heavy fog of  _ what if  _ surrounding him. It’s still there, but not as heavy as before. 

It’s a little something to calm him, an escape where he can free his mind for a few minutes. A place where only he can write what he feels, where no one else can point and laugh at his metaphors.

“I’m happy you like it, Alec.”

“I love it,” he corrects Magnus, cupping the side of his face with his free hand again, “and I love you, so much.”

Breathe.

Magnus tells his lungs to  _ breathe. _

Those words again, heavy yet soft in their embrace. Alec can speak them through his touch as his lips kiss the corner of Magnus’ mouth, eyes closed as he breathes him in.

Magnus leans towards that light, the hands and heart that make him feel whole again, hands to his chest as they surf up to his neck. Magnus brings him closer, kissing him back once as he speaks his love back in free silence. Alec can read it when he opens his eyes again, the gentle hug of the warmest brown, the little crinkles that frame his eyes as he admires Alec’s expression.

“Merry Christmas, Alec,” kissing him once more, he feels Alec exhale over his lips, laughing in this newfound joy that suddenly grips him, “thank you for making this the best day I could hope for.”

“Merry Christmas to you too, my hero.”

Magnus’ face drops, fingers lifting themself from Alec’s skin as those words strike him in the throat. Taking a deep breath, he notices the smile in Alec’s eyes, Magnus reading the words Alec wants to say but doesn’t need too.

_ You’re the hero in this story, not me. _

_ You saved me. _

And it’s not just Alec he saved, but other people too.

Magnus saved Isabelle from that continuous void she felt. Catarina has found her passion for medical studies again, not just for mundanes. Ragnor is frequently visiting Brooklyn more when he originally found no purpose here. Little things that are making a big difference in their lives, something they don’t necessarily see until someone points it out for them. 

He’s also saved himself. His heart, his soul, his mind - all healing along with Alec’s own.

In sync, second by second as their song starts to thump louder and louder. Eventually the world will hear them, from the depths of Edom below to the angels above, their relationship will spark change.

No matter how many years that takes, they aren’t focused on that right now. They’re focusing on themselves, their individual strengths and weaknesses to become better people, but not perfect. Perfect is boring, a goal no one can accomplish as every day brings a new challenge. But for Alec and Magnus, their fight doesn’t stop here, it’ll keep going. The radio silence that’s happening worries them a little, considering their days are usually riddled with obstacles to push them apart.

Can they complain, though? Not really. Alec being here, in his arms, in his bed and in his heart, Magnus would never trade it for a morning meeting with Shadowhunters. He can do it if Isabelle is there, but if he can wake up next to Alec for the rest of his life, that might prove to be a little difficult.

Perhaps they’ll have a morning when the day morphs into simply that. A whole day in bed, cuddling and admiring the warmth of the covers and their own bodies together. If they can have more than today, Magnus intends to make that a reality, even if they watch some really bad Christmas movies early into the next morning. If it makes Alec laugh, smile or feel at home, then Magnus will endure awfully written dialogue and scenes to do exactly that.

“That’s awfully cheesy, my dear,” referring to his hero comment, Alec simply does a little shrug, not taking it back, “but I appreciate the comment nonetheless.”

“I’m trying.” It was a reference to what Magnus said earlier, after all.

“You don’t need to,” Magnus pats his chest, looking down to the journal and then back to Alec again, “just being yourself is thanks enough. You won me over by being who you are now, there’s no need to try and take a leap to impress me. I like this, where it’s just you and me, something normal. Something  _ human.” _

Alec agrees, about to part his lips when Omamori nudges his leg.

Both of the lovers look down to her perked ears, even though one remains fallen to the side. She has a decoration in her mouth, tail wagging side to side slowly as she tries to get them back to the task at hand. Omamori was rather enjoying decorating until these love birds got too tangled in their own nest again.

“Sorry girl, I stole Alec gain didn’t I?” Magnus scratches her cheek with his nails, earning a head tilt into that gesture.

“Has she been good?” 

“Of course,” Magnus walks around Alec as Omamori follows, her tail wagging minimally, “she loves the library I have here. I think all the pictures and the smells of different times interest her. Then there’s Chairman, who she seems to be friends with on most days then immortal enemies the next.”

Alec watches him go through his cabinet as Omamori sits by his side, the hellhound looking up to see what the warlock is doing.

This feels awfully domestic, and Alec feels a small flutter in his stomach at how real it is. Magnus is just talking away about his days as Alec listens. No threat of danger, no worry for the days ahead, just talking. It gives him relief, breathing easy as he stays where he is, smiling as Magnus begins talking again.

“She’s missed you too. She sits by the balcony gazing out. Some days she’ll have nightmares I think, and she’ll spend her time trying to nudge me awake. It’s rather cute, because she looks so sorry to be waking me up but she needs me there.” Magnus looks down to Omamori, who seems to know that he’s talking about her.

“I’m glad she trusts you.”

“Hmm,” the smile Magnus gives over his shoulder is one Alec will remember for years to come, the little jump his shoulders do when there’s a small ounce of excitement, “she reminds me of you in many ways.”

Placing the journal down, he has a moment of remembrance. His own nightmares, the darkness that threatened to strangle him and force him awake. If they sleep in the same bed tonight, then Alec hopes that with his love with him, those same nightmares won’t haunt him. Hopefully there won’t be any at all.

Alec is aware that Maia told Magnus about his lack of sleep, but he doesn’t know why. Maia isn’t dumb to know the reason is nightmares, but who knows what goes on inside Alec’s head?

Magnus can sense his dread, mostly because the room becomes dead silent, and Omamori turns back to her best friend.

“You alright?” 

“Yeah,” shaking his head, Alec scratches a hand down the side of his stubble, “thinking too much again.”

“About how Omamori and you are similar?” Alec nods, Magnus chuckling as he turns back, not sure why Alec would take that in such a bad way, “you don’t smell of dog if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“It’s-” Alec isn’t sure if he wants to speak truthfully right now. He can trust Magnus, but can he trust himself? “ah,  _ shit.  _ I don’t want to speak about it today. Another time, ok?”

Just as Magnus pulls the wrapped box from the side, he spots Alec clenching his fist, controlling a fire deep inside from something that angers him.

“Alec, if it’s bothering you, you can speak to me about it.” Magnus isn’t too fond of the sharp way Alec cuts him off before he can speak back, but he understands that Alec might not want to ruin the day they’re having with demon problems.

“I-” he struggles to speak again, sighing as Alec’s chest pulses in this thick pain, “I know, but I don’t want to ruin today.”

“And you won’t.”

Speaking with such confidence, such authority - it makes Alec hold his breath.

After years of suffering in the silence of smoke, Magnus is the person to clear that and break through. He  _ listens.  _

Alec looks down, sigh breaking through his lips as he wants to tell him everything. He wants to say how the nightmares seem real, that he wakes up and feels the ache in his chest from crying, from screaming complete silence as he tries to save the people he loves.

It’s horrifying. And Alec doesn’t want to burden him with those images. Especially on a day like today, where minutes ago his heart soared at the present Magnus got him, the thought of wanting to protect Alec right down to his memories.

“Sorry,” finally, he speaks, albeit to the floor, but words nonetheless, “I shouldn’t have spoken like that to you.”

A hand brings his head up, meeting Magnus’ eyes. They say words that Alec understands, and soon, Alec finds himself smiling.

_ You don’t have to hide your fears from me. _

Alec can see it, the answer he needs. Speaking it out loud won’t help Alec calm his nerves, because every time he does, he can feel his throat constricting. He’s not used to human emotions, and with this many in so few days compared to the immortal lifetime he has, it’s difficult.

To have Magnus here, gently giving him the time he needs, Alec can’t thank him enough.

“Just like you said to me, when you’re ready to talk about it, we will.” brushing his thumb along his cheek, Magnus waits for that little huff from Alec.

And he does it, tilting his head to the side and smiling.

“Yeah,  _ yeah.  _ Thank you.” Alec goes to pat a hand on his chest, but it hits a box instead.

Alec cocks one eyebrow, looking up to Magnus as this box looks rather…  _ elegant.  _ The wrapping is red with black paw prints all over it, a bow string tied around the shape with Omamori’s name written in golden lettering.

“Not for you,” Magnus smirks, turning to look down at Omamori, “for  _ you.” _

Omamori’s ears perk up, barking once as her tail starts to do loops, standing and padding her feet in a little dance.

Seeing his best friend so happy, Alec can’t help but laugh at the excited look in her eyes. He has to admit that Omamori has changed a lot since she met Magnus, and maybe there was some sort of Bane effect going on. Because everyone who Magnus knows seems to be a little more happy in life, and when they’re sad, they sniff their tears away and keeping battling on.

Alec likes to think Magnus is a reason for that, a shining idol amongst many copycat others. He brings change that actually does that,  _ changing  _ people for the better. Not by force, not by magic, but through his willingness to  _ believe  _ in people. 

That’s why Alec stands where he is today, because Magnus was the one to hold his hand out and pull him up.

He gave him that chance, and Alec will keep saying that until there’s absolutely no way he can anymore.

Omamori doesn’t believe her luck, not sure what to do as she frantically moves around in one spot. Alec walks up to stand beside Magnus, smiling down at Omamori as the box comes back into view.

Magnus shakes the box gently, placing it against Alec’s chest as the demon frowns.

“Me?” Alec wants to make sure this is ok, because it’s obvious the way that Magnus is offering it to him that he should be the one to open it.

“Yes,” he nods, feeling a small sense of pride rush over him as Alec takes the box gently, “you were the one who saved her. You should have the honour.”

_ Saved her. _

Now the box feels less… heavy, in a way. Omamori continues to wag her tail, ever so patient as the gears turn in Alec’s head. Magnus is right.

Without Alec, she’d still be in Edom running away from her pack, patrolling the baron landscape and collapsing castles. From when Alec first saw her to now, he can’t see a time where she isn’t by his side. Omamori helped Alec, but in the end it was Alec who saved her from a life Alec didn’t want either.

He kneels down, letting Omamori inspect the box with her nose, nudging it gently as her excitement struggles to be contained.

Alec has a good idea of what it is, but actually seeing it is another thing entirely.

Brushing the paper away with his hand, his thumb hovers over the metal clip that keeps the box shut, looking up at Magnus. He gives his lover a little nod, giving Alec that go ahead to open it, even though he didn’t need one. It was out of respect, since Magnus was the person to buy this gift for her.

Sitting on a bed of red tissue paper is a collar. It’s made from black leather, gold stitching decorated around the top and bottom. A golden loop moves around as Alec moves it, a golden tag shining and dancing freely as he brings it up to inspect is closer.

It’s simple, but with Magnus’ signature glamour. 

“Wow, this is beautiful.” Alec sounds breathless, and for some that may seem weird if it’s a present for someone else, but this is  _ his  _ companion.

Magnus cares about Alec, and Omamori is part of him, a friend that he’s become friends with too. This was a simple gesture to welcome her as a permanent resident on this mortal plain, to finally give her that special little name for real.

Alec calls Omamori to come closer, giving a confused look towards him as he unclips the collar. She’s not sure what to make of it, the magic in the collar’s leather adjusting to fit her neck comfortably.

Once it clicks shut without Alec’s help, he takes a moment to look at the tag, smiling as he reads the name.

_ Omamori. _

It’s engraved in black lettering, clear block type text that has a little flare in the style. 

“It will adjust to each form she has,” Magnus gives her head a scratch, Omamori walking up to Magnus and nudging into his hand as a thank you, “and it’ll protect her. Has a little shield if she’s caught off guard.”

“Magnus, this is perfect,” Alec looks at Magnus as the warlock turns to him, a smile on his face as Omamori looks up at both of them, “you didn’t have to do this.”

“She’s important to me as she is to you. We’ve become quite the team,” bopping her nose with the point of his finger, she barks in reply, “and she shares a dislike to rude Shadowhunters. Gives cuddles, likes books and can set up the fireplace so I don’t have to with my magic. What’s not to love?”

During the time Magnus speaks about Omamori, Alec’s smile becomes bright. It tugs at the side of his face, lifting his cheeks as a feeling blankets his skin.

_ Home. _

_ Family. _

Alec sighs, but it’s not one of sadness or anger. It’s relief, the usual fire in his veins becoming cool. His heart rate soothes, and Alec can see Magnus’ own posture become loose. He doesn’t feel the need to hold his High Warlock status here, smiling freely down at Omamori who smiles back. Omamori’s tail wags so much that her tag jingles as well as her reindeer antlers, the hellhound’s form relaxed as there’s no need to be on high alert.

This image, one where he can look at Magnus and think of family, that those two arms are his home, that his heart is where Alec finds love - it’s something he can get used too.

And as Magnus looks at Alec, his hair still messy from the shower, his jumper too long for his arms - he’s never seen a demon look so angelic. 

Magnus lifts an arm, one that invites Alec closer as he does so. It’s as if he read his mind, thinking the same thing as he reaches Magnus, placing an arm around his waist.

Alec kisses his temple, eyes closed as he places a few more over Magnus’ cheek, then one on the side of his nose before pulling back.

“It’s barely eleven and I’m close to saying I love you more than four times.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that, my dear.” Magnus turns his head to meet Alec’s lips, giving a soft kiss in reply that has him humming after. 

As he keeps his eyes closed and the smile on his face, Magnus leans his head on Alec’s shoulder.

“Yeah, there isn’t,” looking over Magnus’ head, he catches sight of their gifts sitting side by side, and his smile never fades as he looks back, “not at all.”

There isn’t, because Alec can love freely now. At least, as much as freedom means to them.

But it’s enough.

Just having Magnus here, pulling him closer into a hug where they bump noses instead of kissing, laughing afterwards - it’s perfect.

It’s home.

“Want to put the star on the tree?” Alec asks, smiling with his eyes as Magnus plants a kiss to the tip of his nose to say sorry.

Magnus feels something grip his lungs, something he can’t quite label yet.

“I’d love to.”

Hand in hand, they walk out the room, Omamori following after them with the jingle of her new golden name tag.

_ \--- _

_ “And what do you suggest when I find it?” _

_ “Love?” _

_ “Yes, that thing.” _

_ “You hold onto it, and you never let go.” _

_ “And what if parts of the world don’t want me to have that love?” _

_ “Then you fight for it, you pull it closer. But it won’t be just you fighting, it will be them, too. They’ll be fighting in whatever way they can to love you.” _

_ “You know, Catarina - I hope you’re right.” _

_ “You don’t deserve to be alone, my friend. Love will find you, and you will find it in them.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> christmas dinner next chapter for sure! see you then :) the plot will start picking up then too <3
> 
> thanks to Lisa for reading this through!


	16. Tacenda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while - sorry about that. i've been struggling to write this chapter, and it's meant to be even longer than this, but writing monster chapters is burning me out. So! back to smaller ones until I have the motivation to do it again.
> 
> also earlier chapters have been cleaned up (ch1 to ch5 at the moment), i'll be doing it slowly to the rest as well.
> 
> if you're doing a reaction thread, tweets, remember to put #SaveShadowhunters with it to add to the tweet count! and #ODSfic so I can find them :)
> 
> sorry for the wait, I hope it's worth it.
> 
> thanks for sticking with me. <3

_tacenda; things better left unsaid, matters to be passed over in silence_

 

Magnus put the star on top of the tree after a few minutes of debating which one to put up. Alec simply stood aside with a brilliant smile on his face, Omamori wagging her tail by Magnus’ side as she watched, intrigued by Magnus’ every move.

Alec said he wouldn’t be long, opting to go and get ready while Magnus added a few more decorations around the room. Less is more, he’d say, and Magnus was no stranger to designing - making the room look flawless, inviting and _festive_ without smothering the place in Christmas lights.

But there was something nagging him as he pulled his shirt over his head, the throb of a past that slithers back to the surface as soon as his hazel eyes lock to history.

That feeling of home, of love and warmth that Alec was feeling minutes ago, it’s gone now.

Not while he stands here in front of a mirror, cursing his own skin at what he sees, what he _is._

“What are you doing?”

Magnus appears unexpectedly, Alec almost feeling that itch of magic claw at his skin to protect himself. Alec was in his own world when Magnus entered the bedroom, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe.

One of his eyebrows perks up, watching Alec remove his hand from the center of his chest, fingertips previously touching over the scar.

“Getting ready for dinner?” Alec makes it seem like a question, a sarcastic tone to his words because Magnus knows he is, so why ask that?

Magnus asked that because Alec has been standing there, staring at his bare torso in the mirror for almost a few minutes now. He managed to get the trousers on Magnus gave him, but he didn’t get much further than that.

He’s not admiring himself, _no._ It’s quite the opposite.

Alec looks like a deer caught in headlights, turning back to the mirror as he gulps, not really wanting Magnus to see the scars of his runes. He picks up the shirt, trying to make himself look busy as Alec can feel Magnus’ eyes on his back.

“You look troubled,” and Alec can’t lie, Magnus has seen him cover up and reveal his scars repeatedly for the past minute, “are you worried about the dinner?”

“Not… necessarily,” as Alec puts his arm through the shirt, Magnus pushes himself from the doorframe, approaching Alec and taking hold of his wrist, “it’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” Magnus eyes him closely, watching the moment he begins to frown, “and you’re hiding it from me.”

“Magnus, it’s nothing.” he tries to continue putting on his dress shirt, but Magnus’ hand on his wrist stops him from doing that, “What, you don’t like the shirt?”

“It’s not _that,”_ as Alec stands there, Magnus pulls the sleeve back down his arm, removing the shirt from him and folding it up, “well, that too.”

Alec sighs, feeling his skin shiver at the thought of being vulnerable like this. It makes him rather sick, thinking that weeks ago he could stand tall and grin like the demon he is, but now his heart has been ground to a pulp.

Being a human has some flaws, fears and emotions being one of them. Alec never thought he’d be scared of this, this _feeling_ of wanting to hide secrets people already know about. That’s his own thoughts however, as the ability to feel human and remember that you are is sometimes lost, and Alec _did_ lose that once. He used to see humanity as a burden, a weight that needs fixing in order to become a better person - but it doesn’t.

He feels like he’s falling apart slowly, but in reality, the fear and anger he feels is what’s piecing him back together, to be who he was.

To be human again.

Magnus can’t stand by and watch all his progress tumble to the floor, turning to dust and swept away by his own weak hands. Alec will slowly let the darkness eat away at his lungs again, but Magnus won’t let it.

“It’s your scars, isn’t it?”

Hearing it makes it worse, the easy way Magnus can read him from the slightest twitch of his fingertips to the clench of his jaw. In a way, it makes Alec smile, because he hasn’t been able to look towards someone before. For Magnus to understand his pain before Alec realises it himself, to have that voice that grounds him and say _everything will be ok._

It’s ironic, because he was the one saying that earlier.

Quite sad, isn’t it? How quickly pain can change hearts.

His silence answers Magnus, Alec keeping his back turned. He sees the moment Alec takes a deep breath, the way his shoulders rise slightly to accommodate for it. Then his hands, clenching as his jaw twitches in unison with the clenching of his hands.

Magnus knows what this is, the telltale signs of _inner war_. He’s beating himself up for thinking like this again, a twinge of hate crawling down his spine as it turns into teeth. Those teeth poison his bones, spreading lies like wildfires as they try to claim the warrior back that sleeps inside.

_They’re ugly._

_You lost what you were born to be._

_You failed your family._

_They’ll haunt you forever._

Just before his mind speaks anymore, Alec turns around, lips parted and swallowing the one word he wanted to say.

_Yes._

It’s the scars, the reminder of who he lost - _himself._

But what irritates Alec the most, is that a few hours ago he was fine with his scars, Magnus being able to touch them and feeling little to nothing. And as Magnus looks at him, trying to give Alec time to speak, he can see the hurt in Magnus’ eyes too.

He can’t even hide away, the Swordsman scar centered on his torso, not allowing him to simply turn his back. He can’t turn his back because it’s still _there,_ _taunting him_ and reminding Magnus of what happened -

What _could_ happen.

Forcing his eyes shut, Alec doesn’t open them again until he feels fingertips ghost over his chest.

Alec can’t explain it, but it feels like the weight of his thoughts fade, bleeding out from his soul as Magnus’ magic takes the pain away.

“You’re scared,” Magnus says, a hitch in Alec’s breath following as the demon comes to terms with the truth, the undeniable truth, “aren’t you?”

Breathing deeply through his nose, Alec forces himself to look at Magnus, the exhausted hazel of his eyes seemingly warm just from the comfort of Magnus being near. Confirming what he feels doesn’t make it any easier, in fact, he is worse off now than a minute ago. But it's a necessary evil that Alec needs to conquer.

Alec doesn’t dare answer, because why bother when Magnus already knows? So instead, he reaches his hand up to Magnus’ wrist, taking his hand away from the scar slowly.

“I remembered Isabelle crying when she first saw me,” he looks down, watching his fingers play gently with Magnus’ own, “I can’t do that to her again.”

For a moment, Magnus thinks Alec remembered parts of his past, but the ones he mentions are very much in the present. That night when Alec opened the door after Isabelle’s curious call of Alec’s name, the way she held onto her breath like Alec was physically ripping it from her lungs himself.

Alec can replay it, over and over again. A sickening melody he never wants to hear repeat itself.

He doesn’t want to, but his mind plays these games, his blood fueling this self hatred that will slowly fold him inside out with rage. Alec is a demon, and they can’t forget that.

Magnus closes his hand around Alec’s, watching his lips for that faint twitch of a smile.

_Nothing._

With Isabelle as his sister, the hatred he feels towards himself for making her cry doubles. Whatever he did, he caused the scars, the change in his entire soul, his body, his _mind._ Alec changed his entire _family,_ and that is a debt which he’ll never have enough time to repay.

Alec can’t have been sent down there for a good laugh, so he can’t see another way.

Whatever he did, the consequence is a fate Alec wouldn’t wish on anyone.

“She’s doesn’t hate them, Alec.”

“Then why did she react that way? Why _cry?_ She didn’t even know me then.”

Magnus grips his hand tighter, fighting the urge to just _scream_ why Alec shouldn’t think these things, why he shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that the first thing wrong in a situation is _him._ Not the easiest of tasks, but one they’ll have to work on for the foreseeable future.

“Because she _understands_ you. I don’t have runes drawn on my skin, so I have no idea what it feels like. Isabelle can relate because she has them, she can’t imagine herself without them. They become part of your _lives_ when you complete your training, the ascension from a mere child to a warrior of the heavens. They are your life blood.”

Magnus keeps his eyes on Alec’s face, moving his free hand to his chest.

“You are what you believe, and Alec, this is no way to live. Please don’t hate yourself for what you can’t remember. Live your life in the now, remember?”

For a moment, Alec seems to break, his head moving. He brings his eyes up to Magnus’ face, and that’s when he sees it all.

Alec isn’t the only one haunted by the past. Magnus has always been haunted, hunted, called names and thrown to the side when the world deems him useless. But _this,_ the pain that trembles through his fingertips because the one he loves is hurting, it could rival any other memory.

It kickstarts the demon in his blood, the will to fight for something. Alec’s hand moves to rest against Magnus’ against his chest, breathing out suddenly like he’s been holding it for years. Everything comes back to this scar, the scar that started it all.

Oh how Magnus _hates_ it, how he can’t heal or repair the damage, because the damage _is_ Alec. It’s who he is, now and forever, and something like that can’t be easily erased.

“I’m sorry,” Alec’s whisper is weak, almost being a mumble from how he can’t speak, his chest tightening, “I keep hurting you, I shouldn’t let my fears hurt you.”

“No,” Magnus brings up Alec’s hand that he holds to his lips, kissing a knuckle once as Alec’s words crawl over his skin, cold and full of despair, “these are _our_ fears now. When you love someone, you love _all_ of them.”

Alec starts to shake his head, stepping back, but Magnus follows, their hands still connected even though Alec wants to tear himself away. Not because he’s afraid of the truth, but because he’s scared of Magnus. He’s scared of what this love will do to him.

“Why?”

Magnus’ silence is a shock to both, because he can’t answer.

He can’t answer why he fell in love with a monster, why he fell in love with a stranger where they broke their own promises. Life is unexpected, but _this,_ it’s a new game none of them have played. Their lives are on the field, constantly drained of their willpower to keep going, the pain of _one more step_ towards their final goal. Perhaps all this is just a facade, a lie to give them that kick their brain needs.

But Magnus doesn’t want to believe that. Believing is putting your hope in something, to hope for an ending that doesn’t require the confess of your sins.

“We never asked for this. You never asked to be sent to Edom, no one would ever ask for that. What we’ve done, what we are yet to do, it’s going to be for us. There is no path where you have to walk alone anymore.”

_Alone._

The most hateful memory, the one that makes Alec choke, the fear that makes him fall to his knees and snap his own bones. Magnus can see how those words strike a nerve, because his hands fall, one captured by Magnus’.

It was a reminder of those days where Alec travelled the wastelands of Edom, searching for a door, _anything_ to get him out _._ Nothing came, nothing was there to save him from his infectious insanity, the pain of losing everything he’s ever been and will be. Omamori was his saving grace, a glance at what his life could be.

Alec feels the emotion shift, creeping away from his brain, down through his bones and towards his fingertips. It’s almost as if he sees the pain of those years fade away, but they don’t vanish, they absorb into the hand that holds his. Magnus is here to help carry his pain, to share it so he doesn’t have to sit in silence anymore.

“It’s ok to not be ok,” Magnus brings Alec’s forehead to touch his, the hand moving down to the side of his neck afterwards, thumb moving over the bump of his neck scar, “it doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t make you any less of a man than any other. It makes you stronger, it gives you the ability to change, to learn, to find that anchor you need to pull yourself back up.”

Magnus can’t imagine a more heartbreaking tone than silence. Alec says nothing, looking at him and watching the brown become hazy, moisture. He wants to speak, Magnus knows he does, but there’s something holding him back.

A deep, dark nightmare, one that has its claws wrapped around Alec’s neck. A nightmare he won’t accept, one he doesn’t want to face.

Another time, he’ll face it, but not now. He won’t spoil this day any more than he has, and he’s already broken one of his promises.

Today is meant to be about them, about their love and celebrating how far they’ve come from lonely soldiers and broken hearts. Today is a break, a time where they can step back and just enjoy being alive, a moment in their infinite lifespan that makes time feel slow, even for them.

Alec’s lips curl ever so slightly, smiling, but Magnus doesn’t.

He knows.

He knows he’s hiding something, and it hurts he won’t tell him.

“It’s ok to not be ok,” Alec repeats, moving his hands up to cup his face, breaking his hold with Magnus’ hand, “but for you, I promised a day of happiness, not supernatural aches.”

“Alec-”

“No, I _promised._ I’ll keep my promise, and whatever we need to say, we can say it another time,” he brushes his thumb across his cheek, feeling Magnus clench his jaw, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, there’s nothing to apologise for,” Magnus places his hands on his waist, pulling him closer as his thumb moves in smooth, comforting circles on his skin, “but don’t hide what’s hurting you. That will hurt me more than knowing, what you choose _not_ to tell me in fear it will ruin things.”

“You know I’m not good with words, all of this is practically new to me.” Alec smiles even more now, and Magnus _hates_ how that smile can make his stomach do flips, how it makes him smile a little in return.

“It doesn’t matter.” Magnus protests.

Alec pulls his face closer, gently. He watches Magnus dare him, _dare_ him to close his eyes first and kiss him. And he doesn’t, Alec just wants to see how his eyes react to what he says next, what his heart wants to say.

“It matters to me,” his lips ghost over the surface of Magnus’, feeling the warlock’s fingers grip a little tighter, “because you matter to me.”

Magnus holds his breath-

_He’s said that before._

_Alec remembers._

And now, he’s saying it back.

This, these words that held his heart before, they’re worth remembering more than any other. Alec matters to someone, and they matter enough to say that to his face. Magnus isn’t scared of what he’ll think, because he hasn’t survived this long simply weaving his way out of situations.

Magnus is a warrior just as much as Alec, and now, the demon speaks the same words back to him.

And it makes his heart _sing._

He can’t resist anymore, Magnus pulling him impossibly closer by the waist, his wish to steal Alec’s pain away present in the poison of their lips.

Even when their hearts are hurting, nothing feels like home like this does - where Alec’s thumb will gently trace along his jawline, his other hand moving down his neck and brushing into his collarbone, fingers splayed out as their lips join slowly. Even when Alec’s hands are tainted with the scars of ages past, of wars past, he’s gentle. And Magnus’ nails, sharp enough to cut skin if the right pressure is applied, but he knows when, where and how to move them along his skin.

When their eyes close, they don’t see black when they kiss. Magnus used too, but now he sees shapes, colours, a warm and embracing hug that emits safety like no other. He’s not scared to close his eyes, to witness the darkness and fear of opening his eyes to more, because there’s hazel there.

Loving, accepting, strong shards of hazel that flicker over his face, remembering every little detail like it’s the last time he’ll see him.

“This, us, it matters to me more than anything,” Alec whispers against his lips, kissing him once more, slowly, dragging it out before he sadly pulls away again. But Alec never ventures too far, “and I don’t want to ruin this.”

“You can’t possibly,” Magnus leans into him, hands moving up the demon’s back and brushing over the scars of his wings, “mistakes are what make us human.”

Alec kisses him again, quicker this time, almost turning to pecks as his arms wrap around Magnus’ neck, hugging him as they breathe into each other. Magnus feels one of Alec’s hands delicately move through his hair, remembering the feeling of his locks against his fingertips, so soft and fragile.

 _“You_ made me human, Magnus, not my mistakes.”

Magnus pauses his little movements over the demon’s back, watching as the pain starts to unfold in Alec’s eyes, the way he frowns to try and stop what wants to fall.

“You don’t deserve mistakes. The world has already done enough to hurt you, and I said I wouldn’t be that person.”

“Have you ever thought that I’ve made mistakes?” Magnus replies, softly speaking against his lips as Alec closes his eyes, “we aren’t all perfect, dear. What makes you who you are, every flaw, that’s what I choose to fall in love with, not perfection.”

Moving his hands down, Magnus gently paints his fingertips across his back, under his arms to his side and swooping up to the fine hairs on his chest. Taking a deep breath, Magnus kisses him once, slow enough to make it feel like a lifetime. His thumbs move over the sword’s scar, Alec humming as Magnus pulls away from his lips.

“Sorry, I-”

“Alec, you don’t need to be sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong, you’re simply allowing yourself to feel.”

But feeling is dangerous, wild sparks that can set alight multiple other things. A shift in Alec’s life could break the balance he’s managed to obtain, causing a violent rupture in emotions that awaken what’s beneath. Alec thought a demon was incapable of such feelings, the feeling of weakness and subdued mental anger. Surely the only real emotion they can feel is one fueled by their insatiable desire to collect sins, to feed on lust and witness havoc unfold.

Perhaps in another timeline, another universe entirely, Alec isn’t standing in the arms of a man who saved him from that fate. A fate where demon blood stains his bones, corrupts his mind, burns his feathers to ash over and over as blood falls from his hands.

“That… might be dangerous.”

“If you let yourself feel?” Magnus now rests his hands on Alec’s shoulders, watching how his lips move when he speaks, nerves trembling them.

“Yeah,” Alec breathes in, louder than usual, almost like he’s afraid to admit that, “because what if something changes, something happens that fucks up my progress and I lose myself?”

_What if I hurt you?_

_What if one day you wake up and I’m not there?_

That’s what Alec wants to say, but his lungs won’t let him, hurdling him into a tight corner inside his mind.

There’s war in his thoughts, and Magnus can see, the dart of eyes across Magnus’ face as he tries to find the words his fears have jumbled.

“But you’ve already learned so much. You’ve learned how to smile, how to be happy and make friends. Madzie gifted you that teddy bear for a reason, no child gives away their toy like that to someone they barely know.”

“I don’t know why she did.” Alec huffs to himself, but he’s confused as Magnus simply shakes his head.

“She gave you that toy because she can see how pained you are. All of us need comfort, it’s human nature, and sometimes we find that in objects such as stuffed bears. It helped her once, so she perhaps she thought it could help you too.”

“A bear won’t stop me from losing control.”

“No, it won’t,” Magnus’ smile drops, “we don’t know the limits of your powers.”

“And what if it does happen? What if I lose everything again?” Alec hates himself for saying that, because his thoughts start crying again, speaking into a suffocating silence he can’t escape.

_What if I lose you?_

_You’re my everything, my home._

_Please, don’t let me lose you._

Before he can cause himself any more harm, Magnus runs a thumb across his bottom lip. Alec pauses the frantic search of his eyes, looking down to Magnus’ hand, specifically his wrist where Alec now holds him with his own hand. His thumb moves across the bottom of his wrist, Magnus’ hand now at his lips, closing his eyes as he kisses his palm.

“Then I’ll stand by you, to help you come back.”

Alec lowers the hand he kissed, staring at Magnus because he doesn’t believe the words he hears. A person like Magnus, a respected and powerful individual would waste their time on a _demon._

“You’re mad.” grumbles Alec.

“Not the first time I’ve heard that,” Alec squints like he’s been stung, Magnus shaking his head as he finds no harm in what Alec said, “but I tell the truth. I will stand by you, no matter how long it takes.”

“But why? Why waste time on something if there’s no hope?” Alec speaks with a mixed tone of confusion and disbelief.

Not forgetting, this is the first time in Alec’s life that someone has wanted to stand by him. Whatever that end may be, the bitter or the good, Magnus will be there. His smile promises that, he doesn’t need words.

“Because some things are worth waiting for.” He gives Alec a little smile, trying to lighten the mood.

As much as he wants to talk with Alec about this, to calm his fears and whisper love in his ear, Magnus has a better idea.

To face his fears head on, to forget that haunting thought of being alone.

He has family now, new and old. It’s time he became part of it again.

“I’ll tell you what I’ve learnt about hope another time,” he pecks him once, “because _we_ still have a dinner to get to.”

Alec mumbles something along the lines of _your lips are distracting,_ and Magnus laughs, a blush creeping down his neck when he realises Magnus heard him.

“Fine, but, we do need to talk.”

“We will, on a day where our schedules are clear, and we aren’t so distracted by each other.” he gives an innocent wink, or as innocent as one can get from Magnus.

The demon smiles bashfully, turning around and soon realising that Magnus stole the shirt he was going to wear.

“Magnus,” and his words are cut short, because Magnus is standing there already, holding a folded sweater for him to try on, “oh, thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

He eyes him, Magnus simply smiling like he’s never done anything wrong in his entire life.

“What?” Alec questions him, taking the sweater slowly.

“Nothing, just simply waiting for you to try it on.”

Alec gives it a few more seconds, waiting for that smirk to break, for his lips to curl. They don’t, and somewhere deep down Alec is a little disappointed. For the heavy conversation they just had, a little playful teasing wouldn’t hurt, and the fact that Magnus cut him off pains him a little.

He trusts him though. This isn’t the right time, and frankly Alec still hasn’t constructed what he really feels, because if he blurts out something that doesn’t make sense, he might ruin their relationship. Being in love is fleeting, but with everything crowding around that central emotion now, it’s become hazy. Or, he might burden Magnus with so much sadness and self hatred that Magnus simply gives up. Alec believes he won’t, _knows_ he won’t, but the biting thought of _what if_ is a mundanes worst nightmare. Even for a demon, it haunts them too.

Noticing the sweater has no immediate buttons, the material rather soft as he moves his fingertips over it, Alec pulls it over his head. He threads his arms through, one at a time, a gentle relief smoothing over his skin as the cotton material hugs him.

It’s a muted green sweatshirt, dull enough to be a warm shade of green, not too bright to warrant attention. Magnus picked it because he knew this shade would bring out those hazels eyes, the shades of green that merge with the orange in the hues of the setting sun. When Alec turns around, he smiles, confirming Magnus’ thoughts as he steps closer.

“It’s… comfy.”

“It suits you,” Magnus pats his chest, proud of his decision, “and you’ll be thanking me that you don’t have to pop buttons when you’re bloated from eating.”

Alec lets out a little laugh, one that Magnus feels through his fingers on Alec’s chest. “Are Christmas dinners really that big?”

“Sometimes, depends how much Isabelle and Maia bought. There _are_ going to be fours of us, so four hungry mouths to feed can equal to a lot of food.”

“Oh,” adjusting the sleeves, Alec pats down his arms, taking a deep breath as Magnus begins to beam at him, “I like this, thank you.”

“No problem at all my dear,” he pats Alec’s chest, watching a small blush warm his cheeks, “green does suit you.”

“I guess it’s nice to wear something other than black.”

“That’s true,” Magnus admires his new sweater one more time before walking away, “and hopefully your wardrobe will become more colourful over time.”

Alec walks after Magnus, placing a hand on his waist and turning him around.

“Am I correct in saying you just promised me more clothes?” his eyes meet Magnus’, shining with a little mischief as he too tries to forget the pain he feels.

“Perhaps.” he waits for Alec to say something else, his lips parted as he _wants_ to speak, but can’t.

Alec imagines himself dressed to accompany Magnus, maybe to a party or some kind of Warlock event after being accepted into the ranks amongst Downworlders. Or out to a public dinner, an outing of any kind really.

He’d be lying if Alec said he wasn’t hoping for that future. Frankly, Alec never had one, so standing here now and looking at the man he wants to spend it with --

Alec is speechless.

Also, he’s thankful, _proud._

Thankful because maybe life isn’t _awful,_ giving him that second chance to perhaps be who he wanted to be before. It hasn’t been an easy second chance, quite the opposite, but he’s not given up on it just yet. He’s been close, but not enough to tip over the edge and let the fires claim him.

Alec’s proud of himself mainly because of persistence, even if everyone in some form or another helped him get here. Alec’s been the one to allow these people to help him, to take advice and support. Overall, it’s been a team effort, and he’s thankful that these people gave him a chance --

That _Magnus_ gave him a chance for something _more._

“Alec?”

Magnus’ voice breaks Alec from his daze, blinking a few times as his world focuses on the room around Magnus, not _just_ Magnus. “Yeah?”

“You alright there?” bringing a hand up to cup his face, Magnus’ smile is so gentle that Alec finds himself falling into that same daze again, tranced by a beauty he doesn’t feel like he deserves.

“Just thinking about you, _us -_ the future.” he tilts his head, Alec closing his eyes at the relief his chest feels, speaking a little truth to release some of the pain.

He couldn’t admit that before, he was afraid too, but Alec can’t imagine his life without Magnus now. Whatever the outcome, whatever unruly hand smites him back down, he knows he’ll keeping fighting for Magnus.

Alec will fight for them, for Magnus, for himself, for Madzie, Catarina, Isabelle --

Everyone - he’ll fight for everyone.

Right now, his heart only knows this moment, Magnus’ words pushing back the jumbled and agonising thoughts that plagued him minutes ago. At first, he thought it weird Magnus would block a discussion like that, and as time goes on he soon realises that Alec isn’t the only one with unspoken words hanging on his tongue. Magnus is scared too, rightly so, seeing as the crushing reality of losing Alec _again_ is so close yet feels so far.

“We really aren’t efficient at living in the now, are we?”

“Of course we are,” Alec replies, shrugging like Magnus should know the answer all along, “we’re here, aren’t we? Dinner is in about ten minutes, Omamori has her own collar, we got each other gifts…”

Taking a pause, Alec switches his focus from Magnus’ eyes to his lips, and for just a moment Magnus thinks he wants to kiss him --

But Alec only smiles, brighter and brighter as he beams with the most simple yet difficult of human emotions --

_Happiness._

“And, you’re smiling.” Alec finishes his sentence with that, looking back up to Magnus’ eyes as he too smiles brighter, feeling the warlock’s thumb move along his jawline again.

“It’s good to see you smiling too, Alec, truly.”

The tips of their noses touch, and for just a moment, _their_ moment, they breathe each other in.

Damned be the Clave, damned be the Downworlders who have hatred towards Alec, the only thing that matters right now is how much Magnus’ smile makes his face looks so healthy - how Alec’s hands grip his shirt ever so slightly like he’s trying to hold Magnus even closer.

Alec pulls back first, reaching his hands up to Magnus’ shoulders and squeezing slightly. The demon looks down over his shirt, noticing how much the cheaply made print is already starting to fade. Nethertheless, it still looks comfortable on him, homely.

“Are you about to ask what I’m going to wear? Take no offence, but I can’t wear _this_ to dinner,” motioning to his shirt, “as much as I love it.”

Magnus catches the small little huff Alec does, and Magnus isn’t surprised he even thought about going in this _I <3 NYC _shirt.

One, it’s too _big,_ even Magnus’ physique not being able to fill it out. That’s why he’s been using it as a shirt to sleep in along with his boxers, not his usual silk pajamas but Magnus can sacrifice a little fashion for comfort. Plus, this shirt means a lot more than that, that it’s just something to sleep in.

It was Alec’s first _real_ gift, and no he doesn’t count the coconuts.

Alec didn’t know the concept of gifts, he just thought sharing what he found was considered a nice gesture. Overtime, he found out that the word gift meant a whole lot more than just giving something, and when Alec took a chance with giving him that shirt, Alec was beginning to feel another emotion - _pride._

He no longer thought of himself, thinking of others, looking at objects or certain environments and thinking about other people. Of course, he thinks about Magnus most of the time, but after that day it wasn’t just idle thoughts, but thoughts that _meant_ something.

“You already offended the shirt before, saying it again won’t make it hurt any less.” Alec literally _pouts,_ causing Magnus to shove him slightly to knock him out of that teasing gesture.

“Stop that,” Magnus shakes his head as he walks backwards, this time Alec not following, “no pouting with those soft eyes of yours, you know how much that works with me.”

“Exactly, that’s why I’m doing it.” crossing his arms, Alec gives Magnus a small smirk, nothing heated or intending on being so, just a little playful.

“Truly demonic,” teases the warlock, walking to his wardrobe and opening the doors as wide as he can, “but you look nothing of the sort.”

Alec is taken back by that, the smirk falling from his face. “What do you mean?”

“Green sweater, soft smile, the way you’re hugging yourself like you can feel a slight chill, your hair still messy from when you pulled on the sweatshirt.” he doesn’t talk to Alec directly, but Magnus can hear him shift again, almost as if he’s trying to shrink and hide from his compliments.

He’s not used to this, at all. And by now, you figure he would be, but Alec is nowhere near being around Magnus without smiling - blushing at his every word to make Alec smile and feel at home. In fact, Alec thinks he won’t ever get used to _Magnus Bane,_ especially not the fact that he’s _dating_ him. For Magnus, it hasn’t sunk in either, the fact that he’s dating a greater demon who was originally a warrior of the angels.

In his eyes, Alec still very much is who he was before, and even not knowing that, Magnus will bet every original book copy he owns that he’s right. Confidence can be deadly, even more so in the Shadow World, but that doesn’t stop Magnus from thinking this way. A little curiosity, a little dare to be more.

“Can you pick what you’re wearing so I can compliment you too?”

Magnus stopped searching through his clothes, taking a step back and watching Alec’s face _fall_ at how Magnus looks at him. “You need me to _wear_ something else to compliment me?”

“Oh,” Alec still doesn’t know how to correctly flirt, it seems, “I didn’t mean _that.”_

“But you were _insinuating_ that.” sometimes he wishes he wasn’t so cruel in his teasing, but the little grumble Alec does is priceless.

Alec just stares at him, seeing how much the warlock can hold before he has to look away. Why does he do this? Because Alec can’t find words to describe Magnus, every word being wrong or not seeming to fit what he wants to say. So he uses small little signs, like how Alec can’t stop remembering every detail of his face, the small little twitch of his fingers like he wants to reach for him.

Overtime, Alec has noticed the same about Magnus, his little mannerisms when he can’t find words to say. For Alec to render Magnus of all people _speechless,_ that has to mean something.

“Are you going to stare, or are you going to come and help me decide what to wear?” stepping aside, Magnus allows room for Alec to stand beside him if he so pleases too.

“I didn’t think you needed help,” Alec purses his lips, actually debating if he should just survey whatever happens, “considering you are comfortable in your own decisions.”

Magnus catches something off about that - Alec’s tone, the way his voice seems to have some sort of edge to it. Perhaps Alec didn’t know how it sounded himself, as he remains where he’s been stood for the last minute.

He’s about to say something, to ask Alec if anything is on his mind, but he’d be stupid too.

Of _course_ there’s something on his mind. Magnus stopped them from discussing it to save the only day they have together for peace and quiet. He knew he shouldn’t have done it, that Alec deserves to speak his mind --

But Magnus doesn’t want to feel that pain today. He doesn’t want to see Alec on the verge of tears because his words mix beyond sense, trying and trying to build this connection. Alec might be ready to speak, but Magnus doesn’t know that, and from Alec’s persistence to _want_ to talk about it - maybe he _does._

Heartbreak keeps Magnus away.

He’s afraid of what Alec will say, what war is going on inside his head that will crush their chances of this happiness even more.

It’s selfish, maybe, but Magnus can’t stand by and let his life run away from him, to let fate punch as many wounds as it can.

And before he can argue against himself, to turn around and let Alec speak his mind, that very man has quietly walked up behind him.

Hugging his arms around his waist, Alec kisses the side of Magnus’ neck, breathing him in for a moment.

All the weight that began to cling to Magnus, the doubts pulling him down towards the floor where he knows, that if he falls, he won’t have the energy to get back up - all that weight seems to vanish.

But as Magnus places his arms over Alec’s, leaning his head against his, he can feel a warmth travel up the demon’s arm --

He’s taking his pain away.

Alec knows he’s not alone in this fear, the fear of the unknown.

“I’m sorry.” his voice is small, spoken to Magnus only, not even the room.

Magnus squeezes Alec’s hand, not even a smile blessing his face.

They’ve both been wrong, too giddy for this day to go smoother than they ever thought it could. Magnus would say there’s nothing wrong with hoping, trying to make a dream or reality, but this is the most complicated and confusing dream the warlock has tried to craft.

“I’m sorry, too.”

“No, you don’t-”

“Alec,” the simple call of the demon’s name makes him tense, Magnus feeling the way his joints seem to lock, “I know when I’m wrong. I - I’m sorry I pushed you away again.”

Silence.

Alec doesn’t do anything else but breathe, and Magnus listens to try and pick out any stutters, any breaks in rhythm that show _Alec_ is still there.

And then he’s sighing, squeezing Magnus tighter for a few seconds in a warm hug, making the warlock fall into him, thumb playing with the end of Alec’s green sweater.

“I saw your fear, your pain,” Alec began, his voice still but a whisper, “and after that, I knew what I said hurt you, that I was an asshole to think I was the only one suffering.”

Magnus looks down, lifting his hand off Alec’s for a moment, just so he could see what he feels.

Alec’s hand muscles clench, fingers locked as a red magic pulses underneath his skin. He thought Alec simply took it away, to relieve Magnus of the stress so they could move on - but Alec kept some of it, trying to mentally hold the weight of it so he can understand.

For what this is, Magnus could be angry, not wanting Alec to make things easier just because it hurts - but he’s _tired._ Not exhaustion, not fed up of the same apologies and thoughts that scurry through his head --

He’s tired of fighting on his own.

Perhaps just for today, he’ll share his heartbreak, to see how much of a mess he is to someone else.

But Alec says nothing of the sort, weaving through each strand of pain he holds, a shallow red pooling in the demon’s eyes.

Magnus won’t forget this pain, Alec simply numbed it, taking it away to understand it himself. He’s still a demon, and they aren’t supposed to make things _easy._

“You hurt with every breath you take. You want to be the best you can be, but you don’t feel it’s good enough,” to hear his own pain fall from Alec’s lips, a broken tone along with it, Magnus holds back onto Alec so it doesn’t swallow him whole, “and you hate that your life has been a constant pull and push, even when you know that’s what life is.”

There’s a moment of silence again, and Magnus hears Alec swallow, preparing himself to speak again.

“Sometimes you feel lost… that not even what usually makes you happy doesn’t anymore. You saw me as a reckless decision, a hope at something more, but you keep saying to yourself - _to hope is to set yourself up for failure -_ and you’re afraid of that.”

Magnus finishes the rest for him, “And with every day that goes by, I feel I’m losing - that I’m losing myself, losing you, over and over again.”

Alec feels the pain fade in his hand, his muscles relaxing as Magnus is all but deadweight in his arms.

“Every time I think we have this, _us,_ my heart finds a way to destroy that, the hope I foolishly let myself have. You’re in pain, and I pushed you away because how can I help you when I can’t even vanquish my own?”

Finally, like he’s submitting to the pull in his chest, Magnus closes his eyes, his teeth biting his bottom lip to mismatch the pain echoing around his heart. “How do I express how much my heart aches when I - I don’t understand it...”

Alec keeps his eyes open, looking to the side of them, the mirror sending an image back to Alec that makes him think twice.

He see a warm glow between them, a warmth that Magnus feels but doesn’t register as anything else but the warmth of demon blood. But Alec - he knows it’s something more.

His chest is glowing again.

And how he can see the skin of his back shift, like something’s moving, wanting to break free --

What Magnus did, what he said, it kickstarted _something._

So with that mystery on his mind, he turns his focus back to Magnus, letting go slightly so Magnus has to mentally stand again. He turns him around slowly, Magnus still with his eyes closed.

Why does this happen? Why does this happen so much in a single day? He’s almost cried twice, and Magnus feels it getting closer, the familiar weight behind his eyes that wants to push forward.

“You’re not alone anymore.”

Magnus thinks he’s hearing things, but then he hears it again, the warm hand cupping the side of his face pulling him from limbo.

“You’re not alone.” this time, Alec speaks it clearly, the rough edge to his voice gone from last time he said it, like he’s admitting it to himself as well.

He remembers saying it to Alec, Alec saying it to himself - and it feels like his chest could _burst_ from how much he just wants to let it all out, to _scream_ that he wants them to be fine.

That _Magnus_ wants to be fine, to let himself breathe.

“I know,” Magnus whispers back, the twitch of a smile forming before fading as his lips tremble, reaching forward to hug Alec closer, _“I know.”_

Alec doesn’t believe he deserves Magnus, his kind and understand ways, but Magnus won’t leave.

And Magnus still hurts, realising he pushed Alec’s fears away to mumble about his own - but Alec doesn’t see it like that. Perhaps he needed that push, the reminder that it’s perfectly fine to feel emotion, even as _Magnus Bane._

High Warlock or not, Magnus is still human, and emotions are the foundations.

He’s been teaching Alec all this time, to help him remember what it feels like to be a human, to see past his demonic blood --

But maybe, after all this time, it was Magnus who needed to remember, too. To remember the emotions he’s scared of feeling, the emotions he doesn’t want to trap himself with - emotions he’s _terrified of finding again._

And as Alec hugs him back, faces fitting into each other’s necks, Magnus finally lets himself be afraid.

He finally lets himself fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to @Yoominitear for reading this one through, and a big thanks to her for the awesome title as well for the chapter!


	17. Twisted Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you may have noticed, the fic is now explicit. and no, it's not for fun times, but the violence. You can never be too sure, so I'm just going to put this as a warning, if you don't like blood, violence, or main characters in pain, you might not like the rest of this fic. it's not going to get too dark, tho, i won't allow it
> 
> thank u for your support as always! you'll get some answers, if you can figure the clues out ;)
> 
> as always i'm tracking twitter with #ODSfic

_“Maybe hoping isn’t worth it, Catarina.”_

_“Why do you say that?”_

_“Who doesn’t? In a world like ours, what’s the difference between a good day and a bad day? They’re so jumbled, so horribly twisted in ways that it doesn't seem real.”_

_“Then maybe you should change that, no?”_

_“I can’t change something I can’t control.”_

_“Then control it, Magnus. You’re the High Warlock, you can do anything.”_

_“I can’t change fate, dear. As much as that sounds incredibly inviting, to make life the way I want it to be - it would seem false, because it’s not playing out how nature intended. It’d be some wicked reality, almost like a dream, and we all know dreams don’t last forever -- nightmares do.”_

 

_\---_

There’s no point counting how long they stood there embracing, the clock ticking behind them. From the subtle movements of Alec’s head against his shoulder, to the small kiss Magnus places on his cheek -- they don’t need to count.

It’s confusing, how time feels on their side but ultimately never is, how they can control it but feel it slip through their fingers all the same. Alec feels it more than Magnus, and it’s strange to think about it that way, considering Magnus, as they know, has lived longer. But they also _don’t_ know, and with Alec’s active volcano of demonic powers, nobody can point a finger and give them a solid slot of time.

They’re unpredictable, they’re a strange mix of something neither of them can name. _Love_ \-- they can name it that, but naming it love means having something to lose, and every time Magnus think he’s ready to _keep_ thinking it, his nightmares soon crawl their way back to him. Alec still doesn’t control his heart, he never could, and it scares him even more with this ping pong of _what if_ questions and close calls.

It’s like birds being released one by one from cages, each with their own pattern displayed on their feathers, one for each new emotion he feels. Overtime, they mix, jumbling together like clothes in a washer to something Alec doesn’t understand again. It makes him angry -- no -- _infuriated_ that he can’t be a finished jigsaw puzzle for Magnus. If he rushes, then he isn’t really complete, and he’s used pieces that don’t work in the wrong places, trying to shove them together to be something whole, to _mean_ something.

But Magnus can see where the lines don’t meet, to where he has to help him fill in the blanks properly at Alec’s pace. They’ve already done the edges of the puzzle, and now it’s time to see what’s missing entirely. Edom burned away most of what Alec had, so Magnus has to fight more to build their own pieces to complete it.

And who knows? Perhaps at the end, Alec will be who he wanted to be in his past life before, to try and be something, _someone_ that he couldn’t be before.

“Your hair smells nice,” mumbles Alec, kiss pressed to the tip of Magnus’ ear, departing from their hug, “I should steal that bottle from you.”

“Why steal when you can stay right here?” Magnus’ reply creates a cringed smile on Alec’s face.

That, right there, Magnus can sense it’s fear. He also has a suspicion that whatever Alec wants to talk about revolves heavily around Alec and his whole _will I remain who I am now forever._

Thankfully, and much to Magnus’ relief, Alec breaks out into a chuckle, hand to the back of his neck as he fidgets. “That’s the worst flirt I’ve ever heard from you.”

Magnus places a hand against Alec’s chest, nudging him away playfully, the heat and meaning of their hug still lingering on his skin. Alec simply shrugs, earning another nudge that has him smiling brighter.

“You haven’t heard many.”

 _“Hey!”_ Alec laughs, taking the hand from his neck to place it on Magnus’ shoulders, “You’re mean.’

He’s thankful Alec didn’t take it the wrong way, and that they can talk about this topic _without_ it being tear jerking.

“Remember when I came back from those two weeks,” Magnus hums at Alec’s words, eyes never leaving his, “and we almost--”

“Hmm?” His little smug smile is one that Alec grins at, shaking his head slightly as Alec doesn’t finish it, turning around, “What, Alec?”

“When we almost _did_ it, and you--,” Alec smacks his hands together, taking a deep breath, “You never finished what you was going to say. It was _I can’t live without you,_ and then you-- you were going to say something else but -- yeah.”

It still amazes Magnus how a demon that can bring a storm of fire wherever he pleases is a mumbling, thumb twiddling, blushing _mess_ of a human when it comes to explaining his feelings. He keeps saying it, but he really does believe that Alec has always been like this, not just because of Magnus or what they’ve taught him.

“Ah, I do remember,” Magnus smiles sweetly at the memory, and for a moment his chest flutters with the excitement and overwhelming love he felt in that moment, how much it built up to the point where he couldn’t even control his glamour, “But what I was going to say, it wasn’t flirting, Alec.”

The demon pauses his nervous fidgets, not blinking until he speaks. “You--”

 _“I meant it._ Whatever I was going to say, it was what my feelings were pushing me to say, what I was scared to lose and hope for at the same time. At least, I know that much, but I can’t remember exactly what I wanted to say.” Magnus folds his arms across his chest, hugging himself as he sighs, “Maybe I wasn’t ready to say it, maybe fate knew it too.”

It takes Alec holding his cheek for Magnus to realise he’s been looking at the ground, lost in the memory of that moment as it replays in his head. That moment seems ages ago, yet it was only yesterday evening, and when it was happening, seconds slowed to nothing. He can remember Alec kissing his chest, the way his hands held him strong against the wall, the smile he had when he said _always._

Magnus wishes he was granted more times like that, like the morning they just held each other and Alec had his first solid sleep in weeks. There will be a time for that, of course, he believes it, _wants it._ But not knowing when gives him that annoying _itch,_ eager to reach a time where he can just have Alec and not have to worry about these pesky things that come with their situation.

Alec’s thumb moves along his jaw, and his expression seems to be concerned. As Magnus looks at him, Alec never looks back, just following his own thumb as it traces the lines of his cheekbone, then under his eyes, to the corner of his lip--

And he moves in, breathing a deep breath as a familiar feeling rolls over them, where Magnus feels his arms drop from his chest, hands resting against Alec’s waist as he closes his eyes. Their lips meet, and Magnus could almost swoon at how soft Alec kisses him, how gentle this labelled _monster_ is. All he wants is to love Magnus, to love him far beyond he’s ever felt possible, and Magnus isn’t picky.

He’d settle for this, and he’d be happy with it.

Their lips seemingly made for eachother, Alec’s slow exhale through his nose that Magnus can hear as he tilts his head that little bit more, both of the demon’s hands coming up to hold his neck. There’s no heat, no lust, nothing to ruin a perfectly gentle and private moment between two lovers.

And when they break apart, Alec doesn’t go far, neither does Magnus. As Alec speaks, their lips still touch slightly, Alec _finally_ looking into Magnus’ eyes after what feels like forever. “Don’t feel like you need to remember.”

“Alec, I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I know,” Alec breathes in for a second, “I’m trying to say that this whole thing, this-- _need_ to fill in the gaps, to try and make sense of things, it’s pointless.”

Not being sure of where Alec is going with this, Magnus frowns, moving a hand up to the demon’s neck, thumb tracing over the tip of the scar that sticks out.

“Nothing is perfect, right? We can’t all be these, _things_ that do _stuff_ so efficiently.” Scrunching his nose, Alec hopes he’s making sense, unknownst to the cold Magnus feels in his chest. Alec is saying this to defend Magnus, not himself. “But, you are.”

“Hmm?”

“You,” Alec looks at Magnus’ face like he’s remembering every detail, and every time he does it, it feels like Alec notices something new or different from the way his eyes linger on certain parts. But this time, he can’t seem to decide where to focus, “You’re perfect.”

“When you want to make a point, your argument has to have balance, Alec. You said we can’t all be perfect but then you say I am?” The warlock laughs softly, patting Alec’s chest as he seems to mumble something under his breath. “Even I have my flaws.”

“Uh, where?” Alec pretends to search for them, furrowing his brows and looking like a man on a mission. Magnus can’t contain his laughter, and he finds it really hard to kiss Alec when he tries, their smiles too wide to do so properly.

“I mean it, though.”

“And I do, too,” Magnus replies, fingers moving through Alec’s hair now, fixing it a little, “we aren’t all perfect.”

“You are,” Alec smiles brighter, watching Magnus’ expression soften as he holds his face gently, “You just can’t see what I see.”

“Then maybe you need your eyes testing.” that makes Alec smirk, the demon shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

 _“Magnus Bane--”_ sighs Alec, not taking his eyes away from the warm brown that stare back at him.

“That’s me!” Magnus replies with a jolly tone, lifting his shoulders quickly to match it.

“I love you.”

_Damnit, Alec._

When is he ever going to get used to Alec saying that? The sudden silence dwarfs them, and Alec panics that he’s said it too soon again.

But before he can stutter an apology, Magnus is kissing him again, soft yet determined to pour those words of affection back to him. Alec’s hands immediately go to his waist to support him, Magnus wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling the demon closer.

Minutes go by, and as they slow down, Alec’s a little breathless, a lovesick smile to boot. Their eyes speak for them when they meet.

_You don’t have to say it back._

But Magnus did, through actions, not words. And for some reason, Alec finds it more impactful than words, that what Magnus believes himself, he’s making real, that he _really does love him._

“You should get ready,” states Alec, “I’m sure they’re giggling to themselves by now and thinking of theories to what we’ve been doing.”

“Let’s not forget who keeps distracting me from doing exactly that.”

“Hmm?” Alec tries real hard to hide his smug expression, he really does. “Not sure what you’re on about.”

They do eventually get ready, but it takes them another 30 minutes before they’re actually _ready_ to leave. Mostly because Magnus spends his time trying to decide what to wear, and every time Magnus turns around to ask yes or no from Alec, the demon is just staring, a smile on his face.

At first Magnus thought Alec didn’t want to help, but after that goofy smile of his almost becomes permanent, Magnus speaks up and asks why he’s being so indecisive.

“You look beautiful in everything, I don’t know how I’m meant to decide which one when I like everything.” Alec shrugs after he speaks those words, just laying them out like Magnus has probably heard them time and time again.

But he hasn’t.

“Besides, it’s you that’s being indecisive, not me.”

 _“I’m_ being indecisive?”

“Yeah, you are!” Alec’s smirk is the only giveaway that these two are simply being playful, Magnus trying his best to look offended that his other half can’t decide what looks good on their _boyfriend._

And then there’s the few minutes of kissing when Magnus finally made a decision, Alec hugging him from behind, agreeing with him. Magnus turning around in his arms, sharing a smile as they stare for a moment, Alec admiring the little shine his eyes have under candlelight.

Alec does up the buttons on Magnus’ navy waistcoat, a black, collared shirt underneath, decorated in silver floral patterns down the sleeves. A pair of fitting navy trousers also, finishing it all off with black brogues. A few necklaces are placed around his neck, Alec picking one out too, helping him put it on by clipping the clasp shut behind him. A few magic sparks through his hair to dye the tips white, and he’s ready to leave.

“You ready?” The demons asks, kissing Magnus’ cheek softly, reaching to hold his hand, curling their fingers together.

“I am.”

They ring Isabelle just as they’re about to depart, warning them of a portal incoming just in case they’re on edge about the Clave. He knows Alec is, from the way he physically tenses at Magnus mentioning that organisation, swallowing harder than he should as he tries to control his breathing. Nothing sparks fear like an end he doesn’t want.

Omamori sits proud before them as they leave the bedroom, ears perked and tongue panting. Right there, Magnus asks Isabelle if she can come with them, and Maia shouts a _yes_ down the phone. Magnus must be on speaker, because the next sound he hears is another bark. Maia and Isabelle must have adopted a dog of their own. A full house is better than nothing, after all, and if this really is going to be a first for them, then every member of their little family has to come along too.

That includes hellhounds with a desire for constant cuddles and old smelling books.

Alec feels a wave of relief wash over him as Magnus knocks on Maia’s door. Portal energy still tickles his skin, the breeze picking up behind them as the magical gateway warps and closes in on itself with. Magnus decided to bring some of his favourite wine from that vineyard in Italy, along with the cake Magnus baked this morning, both a thank you gift for the girls inviting them.

Looking at the door now seems different, because this is the first time he’ll be here with Magnus by his side, holding his hand and smiling at him as Magnus turns to check if he’s OK. Alec is more than OK, he feels _alive, warm_ with the feeling of belonging that he hasn’t had the chance to feel before. Every time he woke up in Maia’s house, he always wondered if he would stay there forever, back and forth between Magnus’ apartment and her house in order to live out their years together.

Of course, that’s still happening right now, but for today they can forget that.

Alec can forget he’s had some of the worst nightmares of his life in this house, that he can’t sleep when the sun goes down because shadows become heavy, haunting, intoxicating with their whispers and silent demands. Even as the morning turns to afternoon, Alec isn’t afraid of the night to come, not when Magnus’ hand holds his so tightly, so comfortably.

It’s like Magnus has done it before, the remnants of those memories woven into his fingerprints, the warmth of Alec’s hands too painful to forget.

The door opens a few seconds later, Maia and Isabelle grinning from ear to ear, their giggling escalating to whistles as they notice their joined hands. “So you two kissed and made up? Or did you kiss and _do_ up?”

Alec shakes his head slowly, smirking to himself as Maia laughs, accepting his hug as he picks her up, swirling her around. Magnus greets Isabelle with a hug too, smiling as she rubs the middle of his back, and he’s relieved that she seems more relaxed than the last time he saw her. When they pull away, Magnus is met with Maia smiling at him, opening her arms to greet her old Downworld friend.

“Long time no see,” Maia starts, squeezing Magnus a little, taking the wine and cake from him with a gleaming smile on her face. “Wow, thank you! I’m _so_ happy we could get this to work. I’ve wanted company for Christmas so badly for years, because cooking a gigantic meal and not being able to eat all of it is truly heartbreaking.”

“A werewolf like you not being able to finish a feast?” Alec jokes, getting an elbow to his stomach when Maia returns to his side.

Isabelle simply stands there watching the three interact, well, until Alec notices her silence.

 _Oh._ Of course.

“Isabelle?” he calls, turning to face her, a gentle smile shaping his lips.

She’s scared.

Not of the demon blood, not of the power Alec wields, not of the future she fears and what _could_ happen -- she’s scared of losing what she wants to be real. For some reason, Isabelle thinks that hugging him again will take away this dream, because dreams don’t always last, _right?_

Magnus and Maia stand to the side as Alec places a cautious hand on Isabelle’s shoulder, and the moment he does, Isabelle seems to physically relax.

“It’s okay,” Alec almost whispers, placing the remaining free hand on her other shoulder, “I’m here.”

As soon as she hears that, her lips twitch, and she’s smiling.

Abruptly stepping into his arms, Alec becomes stunned for a few seconds. He half expected Isabelle to run, to curse Alec because she’s reminded of what he is, the scars, the heavy aura he carries with him because of the demonic blood. But she doesn’t, she hugs him close, Alec’s arms finally catching up with the present as he hugs her back, the siblings smiling contently.

“Good to see you, brother.” Pulling back, she widens her smile, “And Merry Christmas.”

“Yeah,” he replies, his smile growing also, “Merry Christmas to you too.” Alec feels his body relax even more, defenses failing to run simply because he feels safe here, safe in the arms of three other people he trusts.

Alec’s best friend. A long lost sister. Not forgetting, and most importantly, his heartwarming love -- his boyfriend.

Maia, Isabelle and Magnus.

Not forgetting the others he can name, but right now Alec is focusing on the people in this very house, and as Omamori appears beside him in her puppy form, the collective joy of the room doubles. Even more so when Maia and Isabelle’s new puppy starts yapping for attention from their new friend. The demonic pair learn that he’s called Rover, a chocolate brown from muzzle to tail, a tail in which curves up and sits on his back.

Alec truly believes there is nowhere else he would rather be, and he begins to understand what unconditional love means, or what it begins to tell Alec about this world he’s found himself in.

Clapping her hands together, Maia announces they all get a move on before the dinner goes cold, and the evening starts with smiles in numbers.

Through the evening, Magnus finds it hard to keep his eyes off Alec. Not because he’s scared of something bad happening, but because he simply can’t.

Like the way Alec smiles when Isabelle begins talking to him, or when Maia brings up some fond memories between the two lovers such as their picnic from before. Alec seems to beam at these stories, knowledge and discovery a great importance to him when half of his world is simply darkness. Knowing that bit more about the people around him, places to have a picnic, which pattern of blanket to buy for said picnic, it all helps light up his nightmares. It helps him think of something else, to gain footing so he doesn’t fall down to where he doesn’t want to end up again.

Magnus also notices his little nose twitch, a habit he’s found when Alec is thinking. Processing this much information isn’t draining, but for Alec, it’s like learning the world again, and he tries as best he can to keep up. He simply tells them to carry on when Isabelle stops to see if he’s following, smiling with collective laughter when Alec realises how silly he must sound when asking what a french kiss is.

He doesn’t feel ignored, not at all. Mainly because Alec is still very much here, holding Magnus’ hand beneath the table, playing with the rings on his fingers. Every minute or so, he’ll turn back to Magnus, to talk about him and his extensive collection of clothes, his famous breakfasts, how _loved_ he makes him feel. Alec mumbles _you probably know that already,_ to which Maia denies. She does, but hearing it from Alec’s point of view is different from her own, not forgetting the gorgeous and healthy smile that Alec has when he talks about him. At one point, Alec watched him take a sip from his wine glass, Magnus wondering why he was switching his focus between his mouth and his lips. Reason being Alec loved how elegant, how powerful and _beautiful_ he looks under such soft, festive lighting.

A gentle hum of Christmas music plays from the stereo located on a shelf, the sofa and tv stand pushed back to make room for the table near the fireplace. This is like Alec’s second home, and for a moment he forgets that he doesn’t really have one.

Sure, he sleeps at Magnus’, but it’s not like he’s moved in.

But as Magnus smiles back at him, lifting Alec’s hand to kiss his knuckles -- maybe one day he will. Little does he know, Magnus’ second gift has something to do with that.

“I can’t believe how sappy you guys are,” Isabelle speaks, sticking her tongue out jokingly, smiling after at her brother’s little chuckle. He can’t believe it himself, “But that’s a good thing, for sure.”

“He really does look after me,” Alec squeezes Magnus’ hand to have it sink in, “God knows what mess I’d be in if it wasn’t for him.”

“Give yourself more credit, dear.” counters Magnus, giving Alec a small wink as the demon fondly smiles brighter.

“Look at that,” Maia scoffs, smirk on her lips “Sickening.”

Isabelle laughs, nodding, “Right? We invite them over to dinner and they spend most of their time being lovey dovey with each other.”

“Would you rather me be a grumpy demon?” The others shake their heads, laughing, Magnus breaking his hold with Alec’s hand as he reaches for more food to put on his plate.

The candles that decorate their table are awfully charming, some more melted than others from being lit at different times to each other. A grand, devine tasting cooked turkey sits in the middle on a silver platter, various vegetables in bowls around it. Wine flows freely, Magnus’ favourite from Italy going down well with all the guests. He’ll have to remember to _not_ tell Ragnor, because he’ll probably complain, asking _where the bloody hell was my invitation?_

It’s peaceful, as it should be.

And as Magnus watches Alec throw his head back, smiling, hand on his stomach as he laughs at Maia’s joke, he hopes he’ll be this happy forever -- that nothing will break them from this dream come true.

A few minutes later, when stomachs are royally full and cake has been cut for desert, Isabelle becomes restless. Maia seems to know why, placing a hand on her knee and squeezing, a gentle nod given to her when Maia whispers something in her ear.

“Alec,” she begins, Alec looking up to his sister, finishing a mouthful of cake, “I have something for you.”

He doesn’t seem to catch on, but soon enough, Isabelle is excusing herself from the table, walking out of the room. Alec swallows, not sure why he feels so nervous all of a sudden. And then it hits him - _a christmas present,_ and Alec hasn’t got her anything in return except Magnus’ wine and the cake.

_Shit._

There isn’t much time to think of something, because Isabelle returns swiftly.

“I found this,” Isabelle walks into the living room with a long mahogany box. The craftsmanship shows, from the well sanded corners to the glimmering finish of the varnish, it looks as if the box is brand new, not something that is _meant_ for cruel hands like Alec’s.

“You… found it?” Alec replies, squeezing Magnus’ hand for much needed support, because he never thought he’d be so frightened of a box.

“At the institute, we have a weapons cabinet, and being the head, I’m allowed to every part of the institute. Shadowhunters store and take weapons from there everyday, but there’s also a vault, and this was in it.”

_A vault._

Long lost weapons? Weapons that don’t work anymore?

“All Shadowhunters choose a weapon, a signature one that matches their fighting style, strengths and weaknesses. Our vault holds weapons that haven’t found new owners, seemingly losing their angelic powers because they’ve been dormant so long.”

Placing the box down on the table in front of him, Alec immediately notices the angelic rune carved on top of the box, an old technique that Alec doesn’t know about. If he has to take a guess, it’s probably a weapon that’s been passed down for generations, from Lightwood to Lightwood.

Alec seems to be following, but Magnus can _feel_ the nerves shake their connected hands, watching him switch his focus between Isabelle and the box. The rune scars over his body are obviously proof of his life before, but why is Alec denying it when the evidence is right there? Perhaps the truth of finding out for real is what scares him the most?

Either way, Magnus squeezes his hand, giving him a small smile when Alec turns to him.

“You still have a tiny bit of angel blood, remember?” Encouragement from Magnus doesn’t go far, but it’s enough to make Alec start reaching his hand forward.

“What’s so special about this box? Why do you think it’s mine?” Questions Alec, his full attention on Isabelle now.

“Because this was stored in the _Lightwood_ part of the Vault. My mother-- _our_ mother said it hasn’t been used for years. No one can use it, even I tried. It’s too heavy, and when I give it to new recruits to try, they say it doesn’t feel right or the weight is off.” Isabelle looks back to the box, “That can’t be true. All our weapons are forged by the Iron Sisters, and they _don’t_ make mistakes."

Magnus can tell his initial thoughts are true from the frazzled expression on Alec’s face. What could a box hold that’s _this_ long? A sword, perhaps? But Alec already has a sword, not that he wants it, but as Isabelle said, this is supposedly from his past life before.

If no one else can find the ability to use it, then surely Alec can find a way to learn it again, just as he did when he was little - _supposedly._ There’s still the factor of it _not_ being his weapon, forgotten to the past and replaced by the Soul Sword.

“This doesn’t sound right,” Magnus adds, taking a step closer himself to inspect the wood of the box. “If Alec’s memories were erased, then surely everything to remind him of who he was would have been erased too?”

“I’m still here,” Isabelle’s soft smile accompanies her words, and it makes Alec fill with dread that whoever condemned him to Edom will fix that in due time, “Either we’re lucky, or everything is slowly falling back into place now Alec knows more of who he was.”

Alec remains quiet as the two continue to talk, fingers gently touching the lock that keeps the box together. It’s… _cold,_ strangely _familiar._

“I guess the angels are too full of themselves to destroy one of their own blessed weapons, along with their warriors,” Magnus looks from Isabelle to Alec, who is still looking at the box, drowning out the environment around him as the object pulls him in. Isabelle catches on to what the warlock speaks, looking to Alec herself as he starts to unclip the lock, “and we know the lengths people will go to protect their legacies, the Clave included.”

The click of the lock opening silences the room, the two dogs waiting beside the group dropping their ears.

If this is tradition, this weapon, passed down from Lightwood to Lightwood, then Alec is the first to _break it._

Fixing his stance so he stands adjacent to the box, Alec takes a deep breath, holding it as his hands move to the edges of the box.

He lifts it slowly, the weight of the wood having more of an impact than it should, a frown forming on Alec’s face as he takes in the silver that shines back at him. Hinges squeak from age as Alec lays the lid back, his movements slowing as Alec tries to flip through his void memories to remember the weapon before him.

Magnus recognises the runes carved into the weapon, the subtle signature forgery of the Iron Sisters. A smile tips the corner of his lips, but it doesn’t last long at the thought that Alec doesn’t remember _any_ of this. Does he even want to learn the runes again? Will he even accept _this?_

Maia remains quiet next to Isabelle, trying to read the multitude of emotions present in the pain of Alec’s eyes. The way his jaw clenches, his fingers shaking with nerves, agitated that he can’t seem to remember anything before him.

He’s forgotten.

Alec doesn’t know how to fire one, how to take care of it, how to notch an arrow perfectly.

“I don’t--,” Alec bites his lip, a war between two emotions rattling his hands even more as he goes to touch it, halting before he does, “I don’t remember this. I don’t remember anything…”

“You don’t need too,” Isabelle replies, placing a hand on his back to try and ground him before he gets lost, before he gets lost in the warp and frustration of lost knowledge. “Take your time.”

_What time?_

_When have we ever had time?_

Swallowing back the words he wants to say, Alec finally reaches forward to touch it. He’s almost a ghost when he does, feeling the temperature of the metal before he even gains the confidence to touch it.

The texture of the bow is new, but cold, scratches from past battles like a secondary paint. Runes decorate various sides, and Alec would only find that out if he takes it from the box. He won’t, and Maia, Isabelle and Magnus all know that from how _petrified_ he is of touching it in the first place. Nothing comes back to him, not even when his index finger glides along the string, feeling the rough yet sharp friction on the surface of his skin.

It’s strangely, menacingly beautiful.

This weapon should be his, Alec’s signature companion. He should remember the weight on his shoulders, the rough fling of the string when he lets go, the moment he holds his breath when aiming.

But he doesn’t.

It’s horrible.

“Do you remember seeing this? Do you remember seeing it before?” Alec asks Isabelle, not taking his eyes away from the bow, but the sorrow he speaks in impacts his sister the most. Only Isabelle would have been able to see it before, as from her story, it seems like the box has been in the vault for a while.

“No,” she removes her hand from Alec’s back, hugging herself and trying to scout through years of memories, including her childhood where shadows still haunt practically _all_ of them. “I don’t. I only came across the box when I was appointed weapons master, and I spot our mother dusting the box every other week.”

_Mother?_

Alec begins to wonders what she looks like, what she may think or say if she finds out her son is a greater demon from the depths of Edom. Not charming words, he assumes, but there’s a pitiful hope that maybe she won’t throw him to the curb. It’s not that he can do much if she does accept him, because surely the Clave will have something to say if their greatest enemy is walking around the institute without means of capturing him.

“I asked who it belonged to, and she never said anything. All she’d say is that she can’t remember, that she feels someone is lost, someone that she knows will find their way back home.”

Slowly, Alec _is_ finding his way back home, and as much as he wants to reach for the finish line, to make everything as it was before the Soul Sword claimed him -- he can’t. Risking what he’s gained will be the most brutal punch to his dream of being a normal man again, to live and to love, to hope and to dream.

Moments like these are small in numbers, but the meaning of it increases tenfold. It means so much more when there aren’t consequences weighing on the outcome of him opening a box or not, and Alec can simply enjoy being in the presence of another puzzle piece -- _his bow._

As Magnus said, Alec also expected no evidence to be left of his past, that whoever or what did this to him made completely sure that nothing could remind him. First of all, it’s welcoming news to know that isn’t the case, but nerve wrenching to think it may be on purpose.

What if they’re luring him in? Trying to test him, to see if he’ll run back to his old ways?

Brushing those thoughts aside, Alec returns his attention to the bow, where his fingertips are warm. He stopped moving them when he began to think about this, this whole ordeal with memories and the odd way they’re appearing. So far, they’re all physical, or what Alec can only describe as a _ghostly_ feeling, or a void that doesn’t seem to have anything that colours it back in.

He can feel Magnus take one step closer to his side, a gentle smile on his face as Alec continues to admire the craft of the bow.

But something feels… _off._

_Are they testing me?_

Whatever snake on his shoulder that hisses poison, the weight of it lingers, fingertips approaching the grip of the bow and then taking hold of it.

It feels strangd, almost alien to him, to say the least. A match striking against the side of its own box, the gentle hum of something _building._ Taking his hand away, he watches his fingers begin to shake, tips of his fingers starting to burn, gravity pushing down on him that makes him exhale sharply.

And then it’s suddenly heavy, _suffocating,_ burning his skin beyond his pain threshold --

Alec _screams,_ his hands slapping against his own head, fingers gripping into his own hair as he tries to pull the noise that swarms him, inside and out.

The other three step back in horror, Maia having to cover her ears from the sudden volume of Alec’s scream, and it keeps _going and going_ until Alec’s lungs cave in, trying to breathe as much as his body will let him.

Dropping to his knees, Alec can feel moisture fall from his eyes, leaking through the lids that slammed shut as soon as the voices and weight swung at him. His breathing becomes erratic, teeth threatening to crack from the force of his jaw, the pain enough to feel like his body is falling apart at the seams. A deep growl rumbles through his body from the demon inside, and Alec’s sobs are the only thing that drowns it out.

“No! _NO!”_ Alec pleads, voice croaking from the pain that strangles his throat, body curling forward as his head hits the floor, “Get out get out _GET OUT!”_

Magnus watches in horror as Alec’s entire body starts to reject itself, hearing bones snap in and out of place, the stomach wrenching smell of blood, metallic and heavy in the air around them.

He doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know if the Alec in front of him is _Alec_ or the demonic side ascending to control every nerve it possibly can. Isabelle covers her mouth with her hand, tears rushing to fall as a hushed whisper of _Alec_ falls to the floor. Omamori and Rover look frightened, their tails hung between their legs and ears flat to their heads.

Lights flicker, and then -- _BANG._

Glasses on the table shatter, bulbs following a few seconds after as Alec’s next cry is the longest, rising in tone and gaining a deep, animalistic bass beneath.

Magnus takes a step forward, but the gravity that surrounds Alec is so heavy, so _suffocating_ that he can’t move any closer, but he has to do something. He can’t just stand here--

“No, please, _please -- not them, please not them -- don’t, please--”_ Alec’s voice switches tones back and forth, his conscious mind and whatever’s fighting him pulling and pushing on the threads of his soul.

“Magnus, what -- what’s happening to him?!” Isabelle manages to speak in the silence before another wave of magic shockwaves out from Alec’s suffering frame a few steps away. All the chairs, the table, even his bow and the box it came in fly across the room, scattered to the walls and stopping once they impact. She knows what this means, but that doesn’t say she _wants_ to acknowledge it.

And that’s when Magnus spots the black tar crawling up Alec’s arms, the push of something under his shirt on his back, the increasing heat of the room --

_The demon, it’s winning._

_Why?_

_Why now?_

_“I promise, I promise -- please just not them, not them not them not them--”_

His hands are burning into the wood floor below him, a white noise filling his thoughts, senses muffled and confused. Alec doesn’t know left from right, up or down, and for a moment he forgets he’s even _alive._

Alec’s pleads when the voices start again, his repetitive punches against the floor like he wants to equal out the pain, the way he tries to rip at his own skin - it’s _horrifying._ To think what he went through in Edom was similar to this, perhaps even worse, it tugs at Magnus’ emotions like nothing he’s ever seen before.

He’s _crying,_ sobs falling from Alec’s lips as he chants in pain -- _it burns it burns it burns._

Then like dropping a pin to the floor, it stops, and Alec’s heaving is the only sound in the room.

Magnus thanks the heavens that it’s over, and when the aura of magic that was preventing him from reaching Alec before simmers to almost bearable, the warlock pushes through with the grit of his teeth. Breathing is hard, being this close, but he needs to see if Alec is OK, that the Alec he reaches for is the one he’s in love with.

But he barely gets a chance, lips parted to call the name he’s lovingly called before, because the wicked reality of his nightmares faces him.

Alec has turned his head, tears of blood trailing down his cheeks from his eyes --

That isn’t Alec.

_No -- not yet._

_We had so many more years -- give him back._

To make it worse, Alec’s sickening, devilish grin reveals sharper canines, blood soaked between them as his body turns towards Magnus, never leaving his gaze. His head is locked in a position that follows where he looks at Magnus, body trailing behind like a machine, and it’s even more terrifying at the lack of life in his movements despite him moving anyway.

When he’s stood tall, Magnus can see the damage that was hidden away as Alec curled up in devastating pain.

His shirt is ripped open, the sword’s scar on his chest bleeding like it’s only just happened, feathers falling to his feet that are tainted red.

But what really crushes Magnus, what makes his rib cage feel like it’s caving in more than it already is, what makes his knees want to give way -- is Alec’s eyes.

They’re still Alec’s, still that beautiful hazel that catches the gentle glow of the dawn. They’re the eyes that have said so much back to him, confessed love and secrets that he hasn’t even spoken with words through his own lips.

Magnus doesn’t want to think about how they’re the only human thing left, that they’re the only part of him that looks lost, sad and pained at what’s happened. But he has to stay strong, to stand tall and bring Alec back--

What he doesn’t expect, is for the demon to just stand there in silence, keeping his focus entirely on Magnus. It doesn’t even turn when Isabelle summons the whip from her bracelet, ready to defend herself as well as Magnus and Maia if need be. It’s so familiar to the first day they met, but even then, it was _Alec_ who was in control, not whatever blood hungry demon that’s reached the surface now.

The slow _drip - drip - drip_ of the blood from his jaw makes Magnus’ skin crawl, and they’re all stunned as to what to do. They can’t attack because this is _Alec,_ no matter if the monster on the surface makes them think otherwise. Even if they do step forward, even if they do start to gain some sort of reaction, will he fight back? Will this end in more tragedy than the utter torment Alec’s cries gave him?

“Alec,” Magnus starts, his throat dry from his own wounded breathing, only noticing that now as the demon’s eyes bore into him. They aren’t red, but the power they produce is all the same, just in a different way, “We’re here, we’re alright.”

Magnus is referencing the _not them_ pleads he heard earlier, and hearing that was more crushing than the silence that envelops them now. He could curse himself, because from that he’s reminded of Alec’s words from before, promises made that demon worries and the whole _battling for his freedom_ could wait until Christmas is over.

Oh how he was _wrong_ , but Magnus wishes he was _right._

 _“Alec,”_ his words crack, and that makes the demon smirk.

“You’re really taken by me, _aren’t you?”_ Finally, Alec speaks, but it’s not what Magnus wants to hear. In fact, he didn’t want _it_ to speak at all now that he thinks about it.

His voice is oddly dark, echoing Alec’s accent and cheery tones, but the underlining of _something else,_ dark, _dark_ magic weaving between letters and shallow breaths Alec takes. The demon doesn’t even give Magnus chance to speak, taking a step forward, Edom’s heavy aura following him.

This isn’t right.

Alec didn’t speak in his demonic form before.

“So _blind,”_ there’s a chuckle in there somewhere, one Magnus ignores, “And you can’t even deny it, that you’re ignoring reality, ignoring what I _am.”_

“Alec is not what _you_ are. He’s much more than a demon, he’s so much more--”

“But _is he?”_ the demon replies, grin growing steadily as he takes another step, “Because right now, I’m what you both fear. I’ve taken control, and there’s no way he can climb back out. I could run out the door and leave Alec in the dark for eternity, and you’ll forever be hoping you could have said bye to him. A prince of Edom, yet he doesn’t seem to understand how our _rules_ work.”

“Who are you?” Magnus snaps back, taking a step forward to challenge the demon at his own game, “You’re not Alec, and you’re not his alter -- _who are you?!_ ”

The demon seems to think about that, showing in the expression of his face as it twists -- and then he’s smiling.

A hand reaches forward, taking hold of Magnus’ waistcoat and pulling him in, close enough that Magnus can hear the demon’s voice and nothing else.

““I have his face, do I not? We all know what you’re afraid to lose,” counters the demon, never leaving Magnus’ eyes, “Your chance at love, finally finding someone to call your other half. You were _lonely,_ correct? And then I come along and gave you hope. How _foolish_ can one be? To believe in something more _sickening_ than the embers below our feet.” and then Alec’s other hand moves to Magnus’ neck, the unearthly heat burning the warlock’s skin.

It shouldn’t burn, because he too has blood from Edom, and that’s when the reality of it all starts to weigh him down. The black tar that coats Alec’s fingers become claws, pinching into the skin he holds like an eagle to prey, Magnus’ body growing increasingly numb. Not only do the words of Alec crush his mental state, but the magic of the aura surrounding him in a black, slowly moving mist weighs his body down.

Memories creep back in, becoming that scene all over again, not wanting to run from a fear he wants to conquer -- the sword aimed at his chest, Magnus’ pleads as he tried to reach inside the void and pull Alec out. And when it was over, listening to Alec’s cries as he sobbed into his shoulder, his apologies, promises of it never happening again.

How horrid, how utterly _painful_ it is to see a similar scene again -- not because of a villain, but Alec’s own memories, forcing him back into that never ending loop of running down dark corridors inside his own mind.

“Tell me, _Magnus --_ why do you let yourself grow so weak? Do you see what _love_ has done to people like Alec? How quickly a life can change because of a simple decision, a simple _touch?”_

Magnus can hear himself saying _Alec_ in his thoughts, hoping that Alec can somehow hear him though the hand that holds his neck. It hurts that he does hope, and it’s slowly crushed when red bleeds over the surface of the demon’s eyes, drowning out the hazel he’s grown to love.

They’ve never done anything for him, but Magnus _prays._

He _prays_ to whatever god forsaken angel that will listen to him that Alec will come back, that he’ll fight to be in control again.

“Dreams don’t last forever _\--”_ the demon grips tighter, smirk ever present on its lips as the words slice through Magnus, years and years of pain surfacing once more, _“but_ _nightmares do.”_

 _“No,”_ Magnus whispers, breaking through the demon’s magic, the swell of power inside his chest blooming from multiple parts of his soul, ricocheting around different emotions.

The will to protect Alec, the will to protect himself, his friends -- _his family._

As the demon’s grin gains width, Magnus inhales, trying to think of something in the small time frame he has. Black veins are threading themselves over the surface of Alec’s face, pulsing red as he can see something shift under his skin, the embers Magnus can feel bringing themselves to life in the palm that holds his neck --

 _“NO!”_ Magnus shouts this time, pushing his hands against the demon’s chest, crying out as he pours whatever power he can physically and mentally control, tunneling through his veins like molten lava, burning with the passion to save whatever amount of Alec remains in the shell before him.

And the demon’s body vaults across the room, impacting against the adjacent wall with a deafening crack, thudding to the floor. All of it happens in seconds, and it takes longer -- _minutes --_ for Magnus to realise what he’s done, to realise what’s _happened._

He’s so terrified of his own power that Magnus closes his eyes, biting his bottom lip in silent defeat, keeping his sobs that want to break free, quiet. He’s afraid of what’s become of Alec, because with pain, sadness and anger mixed into one volatile mixture, who knows how much magic reached out to protect himself.

All that, and the fact that he’s crying, falling to his knees because Magnus heard words he never wanted to hear again. Worst of all, they fell from his own lover’s lips, and even though it wasn’t really him, it was _before,_ the sickening anxiety of his thoughts pushing that forward for him to deal with as well as everything else.

That singular moment of weakness, when Alec felt his memories surfacing -- it left him vulnerable. Magnus never saw it coming, too lost in the moment of Alec finally piecing together what he’s been trying to do from the start. Magnus thought this wouldn’t happen again, because Alec’s been strong, successful in taming what lies beneath. Originally, he thought that the only way to surface the demon was an increased concentration of demon blood, but it seems Valentine took the easy route, allowing Alec a small ounce of control. This way, where Alec’s scars break open, where the bruises of his past boil to the surface, anyone can break in, to take the reins for themselves.

Now it’s all caving in, taking ten steps back and none forward. Alec’s bow lies across the room, the box having left an indent in the wall when it was launched from the shockwaves of Alec’s power.

Magnus doesn’t see Isabelle and Maia rushing to Magnus to see if he’s alright. Magnus doesn’t hear their calls or the _clink_ and _crunch_ of glass as they walk over it.

Earlier today, Alec told him he loved him, and Magnus never said it back.

Deep down, he feels responsible for what just happened, for letting the crack of uncertainty grow more and more until the horrors bleed through. Now they have, cold and aching, mentally draining and suffocating. The same man that said he loved him is now laying at the other side of the room, still, blood drying on the surface of his skin.

Omamori runs towards Alec, her whines adding to the ache that rips through Magnus, the barks to try and wake him up.

Magnus just wants to keep his eyes closed. He doesn’t want to remember what just happened. As he tries to drown the pain out with memories of olds, the time of smiles and laughter seem so far gone now, and Alec’s presence in his memory becomes this blurry, jaded _void._

_Please give him back to me._

_I can’t lose him again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me at @karasunoflyy


	18. Hourglass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> major update here!
> 
> chapters 1 to 7 have gone through updates. Only chapters 5, 6 and 7 have gone through major changes. Alec isn't so needy in those chapters anymore, and I've just generally toned it down so it flows a bit more steady into the later chapters. chapter 8 and above still need cleaning and updating, but it'll all be done by the time this fic is finished. just to be clear, there's no major storyline change, just dialogue and less kissing i guess??
> 
> and yes, there's only 3 chapters of the main story left now. and this time, i'm serious about it (i mean really, i'm not joking this time lmao) chapter 22 will be the epilogue
> 
> i hope ya'll enjoy the ending, because this is the last chapter before the three part finale.
> 
> thank you for the support, this turned into what it is now because of that. thank you, so much
> 
> everything will fall into place, but how hard is Magnus willing to fall to save Alec?
> 
> #ODSfic

_Alec gasps, eyes opening to a void that drowns him._

_There’s no light here, as if he never opened his eyes in the first place, but it feels heavy. This place exists, no matter how unforgiving, and the more he looks around, the more it dawns on him that there’s no clear way out._

_Despite the lack of light and no physical objects, the pain and gravity of the situation makes it real all the same. He’s stuck here, repeating the same hallways that seem to stretch for miles, hands to the walls that feel like ice._

_And he shivers, picking himself up from the ground, watching his own exhales fall from his lips. Even his body feels weaker now, almost mundane, each little movement he makes increasingly more difficult than the last._

_Pressing a hand to the floor, he notices how much the weight has changed. Has he lost weight here? Perhaps gravity is different?_

_He looks down, forgetting to take his next breath when he notices the size of his hands. They’re smaller, younger. And then he looks to his arms, thin and long, and his legs, long but not as tall as he remembers being._

_Alec is suddenly younger, but his mind is still the Alec from before, the Alec who lost control on the one day of the year he was meant to bring Magnus the most happiness. He failed, and it physically crushes Alec’s chest when he thinks that, hand to the black shirt that hangs loosely over his shoulders._

_Why is he here? Why is it so cold? Why is he young again in body but not mind?_

_A click sounds behind him, Alec turning to look, but nothing is there._

_“Alec!” someone shouts. To Alec, it sounds like a girl, chirpy in the way she calls his name._

_For a moment, Alec just stares in the direction he hears it, scared as to what’ll jump out if he keeps still for too long. He hears it again, but with more words this time._

_“Come on, Alec! Try again! You’ll get it right!”_

_There’s a thudding sound, and Alec can’t place what that sounds like, but it sounds so annoyingly close to something he can’t name. Alec isn’t left guessing for long though, as the sudden silence after that sound is followed by an arrow whipping past him, narrowly missing the right side of his face._

_His breathing stops, and as he watches that arrow disappear into the darkness in front of him, he turns in the direction the arrow came from. Alec knows another may be coming for him, but his curiosity gets the better of him, which is confusingly rewarded._

_For a moment, Alec feels genuine fear, staring at a bow being drawn. A boy, grit with determination and focus aims the loaded bow right at him, and Alec knows if he lets go of that string, it’ll hit him. But he doesn’t move, frozen as he looks at the arms of the boy beginning to shake, teeth grit. There’s something on his mind, and Alec finds himself stepping one foot forward to get a closer look, especially as the patterns of his black runes become clearer._

_He never fires the arrow, keeping it drawn as Alec reaches him, being exactly the same height._

_And then the boy drops his bow, his gaze shifting so he looks directly at Alec, that exact movement causing Alec to take a step back in shock. He thought these ghostly figures couldn’t see him, but his initial thoughts were wrong, it seems._

_“You -- you’re me,” the boy speaks, lifting his left arm to look closely at the bold rune on his skin, just past his elbow, “But you’re different,”_

_Alec squints, not entirely sure what he means. At least, not until he looks down at the boy’s arm, noticing the bold angelic rune, and Alec finds himself lifting his own left arm to check._

_Exactly the same place._

_But instead of the bold black of the rune, a scar following its rough shape is there instead._

_When he looks back up to the boy, Alec finds him shaking, the nervous twitch of his lips like he’s about to sob._

_“Are you a nightmare?” he asks, and Alec finds his lips parting to answer, but nothing comes out. The boy seems even more distraught by the fact Alec won’t answer back, gripping the bow tighter, squeezing his shoulder blades together, “What did I do?”_

_Alec isn’t sure what he means, but then he can see his own eyes reflected in the boy’s, stepping back when he can see the own fear and empty look in his eyes._

_“Alec! Come on! They want us in the weapons room!” the girl calls again, but Alec still can’t see her, a distance voice in his mind somewhere echoing out._

_The boy looks behind him, lowering the bow, but Alec swears the voice was in his head._

_And then he starts walking away, back turned to Alec as if he’s forgotten the past minute._

_“Hey! Wait!” Alec calls out, finally able to speak. He tries to take a step forward, but there’s no strength left in his legs._

_He falls to his knees, reaching out with his hand, watching as the Alec from a time before disappears into the void again._

_\- - - - -_

 

“You _never_ told him?” Luke isn’t happy with Magnus, not one bit.

Not only did Magnus turn up with bad news about Alec, but he didn’t even speak to Alec about the whole problem with the Downworld. They want Alec _gone,_ as in the Soul Sword, yet Magnus seemed to ignore that in favour for spending quiet Christmas moments with Alec. After all, _Magnus_ was the one to argue about securing their safety before doing anything relationship wise.

Well, that failed miserably. But can you blame him when every waking second he spends with Alec feels _normal?_ Like it was meant to be?

“How could I, Luke? He was away for so long, and when I saw him next, I couldn’t talk to him about _more_ things that would’ve crushed him. It was the first time I saw him smile in weeks.”

“Magnus, you’re treading a thin line here,” Luke slams the paperwork down onto the table, pointing to a random place on the page, “And I don’t think you realise how serious this is.”

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be risking my life for him if it wasn’t worth it, or if I didn’t feel something _deep down_ that he’s meant to be so much more to me than he already is.” thankfully, the other wolves can’t hear them thanks to Magnus’ wards on the walls, but Luke on a set path to victory is more powerful than all of the other wolves combined.

“He’s a _demon,_ Magnus. How can he possibly be anything more than a trick? Some _stupid_ prank being played to weaken you. You’ve been alive long enough to gain enemies, and doing something like this isn’t short off the possible scale if you think about it,” watching Magnus sigh, Luke shakes his head in return, “He’s in your head, look at you.”

The alpha gestures to Magnus’ state, and even though makeup and clothes cover the tired and wrecked mental state of the warlock, Luke can see right through him. He’s known him long enough. Luke has always been good with people, and perhaps this is the talk Magnus needs, as harsh at it is.

“Do you think I want this?” Magnus glares at him, feeling the need to rub his thumb and forefinger together, easing his nerves.

“I never said you did, and _we_ don’t want this either.”

“I’m hurting you, your people, and the entire Downworld is in fright because the instrument that can wipe us out is very much out there and _possible._ It’s under our possession, and Catarina is working hard with Isabelle and I to stop this from happening again. _”_

Luke stands back up from where he was leaning over the table, keeping his eyes on Magnus this entire time, “So you continue to chase this dream? Isn’t it destroying you?”

 _“Of course it’s destroying me!”_ cries Magnus, clenching the fist that was nervously fidgeting before, “I don’t want _any_ of this, yet every time I go to walk away, I keep coming back. I can’t leave him, I just -- _I can’t,_ Luke. I don’t know why it’s so hard to forget him.”

For a moment, Luke’s face seems to be apologetic, almost reflective to what Magnus just said. When Luke originally mentioned the plan, Magnus looked excited, relieved. Finally, they were going to make progress, to tackle opinions on Alec and his status in the Shadow World, to give him a place to stand. It was originally going to start with the Downworld, to get the majority to trust him before talking to the Clave and striking a deal -- and that deal now seems _very, very_ far away from reality.

Not impossible, though.

Nothing is impossible for Magnus, as long as he keeps thinking it’s possible.

And if he keeps thinking about Alec, _can’t_ stop thinking about him, then it’s possible. Magnus and Alec, they’re _possible._

Magnus will sign the documents himself when it comes to that whole giving up malarkey, because if anyone is going to give Alec a fighting chance, it’s Magnus. Every part of him.

His heart, his soul, his hands, his body and mind -- he’ll use everything he can to help the lost angel find his way back. Even if it means moments like this, where friends feel like enemies, and days feel like nights, exhaustion setting in.

But Luke, he understands. In some tiny, _unorthodox way,_ he understands.

“Love is different for everyone, yes,” Magnus argues, following quickly from where Luke finished, “But put yourself in my shoes. If he was your lost family member, an old friend, what would you do? Give up on him?”

Only then, Luke is silent. He seems to battle with the thought of that, trying to find a loophole. And he doesn’t, sighing as none of this seems to be sinking in.

 _“Magnus,_ you have _got_ to see the negatives to this. Yes, I want to see you happy, I want to see you with the smile on your face like you do after talking to Alec -- but you have to know when to draw the line. At any point, he could turn and go against everything you’ve built. Hell, he already has, and he’s been close to doing it before from what Maia told me.”

“Maia told you?”

“When Alec stayed over during those two weeks, he told her everything about the night he was captured by Valentine. The kid has constant nightmares about it, he’s scared to go outside alone and practically _hates_ the dark.”

All of this is new.

Magnus guessed he had nightmares, but never knew it was _this_ bad, to where Alec is scared of the _dark._ He’s meant to thrive in it, to lurk in the shadows and be the demon he is, but Alec is _afraid_ of the very thing he’s meant to favour.

“Then surely that’s all the proof you need,” Luke looks at him funny when Magnus says that, “Because he’s capable of human emotions, of fears and dreams, ups and downs. When he said he loved me that first time, it felt like I’ve already heard it before, like my mind was catching up with something I’d forgotten.”

“You can’t possibly prove that you knew him before. Even with all these clues and subtle guesses, is there _really_ anything solid you can use other than being with him feels familiar?”

“He’s Isabelle’s sister, and if the old Alec was wiped from existence, then surely everything else remained as it was. If I was the High Warlock before, and _no doubt_ I was, then Alec must have met me before. My guess is he was the head of the Institute, because Isabelle is that exact roll right now.”

“You’re pulling at strings.”

“I’m _hoping,_ and I’ll keeping doing that as long as Alec keeps fighting.” Magnus’ tone becomes little, as if Luke’s words are slowly taking their toll, but deep inside he doesn’t want to believe them.

Luke stares at him, seeing the inner turmoil he’s going through, and not just today, but for the past month. The alpha sighs, picking up the keys to his car. As they jingle, Magnus looks up, seeing Luke putting his coat on and adjusting it on his shoulders.

“I’m not going to tell you what you should do,” Luke starts again, “But I can give you an opinion of what it looks like outside your mind. To me, you’re destroying yourself with the hope all of us have. Alec is strong, we all know that, but if _your_ Alec doesn’t come back, do you have the strength left to keep waiting for him?”

Coming up to stand in front of him, Luke smiles, placing a hand on Magnus’ shoulder.

“My intention isn’t to be the villain, I just want you to take a step back, to look at things and see them more clearly before you make a decision. Alec makes you happy, and whatever happened before, you feel as if he’s found his way back to you.”

“That’s correct,” Magnus replies, looking through the doors to where his pack sits inside the public area of the Jade Wolf, “It’s if the Downworld and the Clave see him differently, to accept him.”

“And they will,” he pats his shoulder once more. “In time.”

“But we don’t have much of it, is that what you’re saying?”

“Mmm,” Luke leaves his side, heading to the door with care in his footsteps, “Time is something the mundanes made up. To us, it’s nothing, but in times like these it feels like everything follows it.”

“And what will you do if Alec wakes up?” asks Magnus, gesturing his hands towards the door as Luke is about to leave.

“If he wakes up, and he’s the Alec you know, then we can work on bringing him back into our world. But if it’s the demon, then the heavens only know what will happen then. And I don’t think you know, either.”

In truth, Magnus doesn’t. There’s no possible outcome in his mind that doesn’t end badly if Alec wakes up demonic, that somewhere in that limbo he lost himself, gave up. Because when he sees him next, and he’s lost the battle, the face of the man he loves will stay the same, just the red veins and black tar giving away what he truly is. His mind will trick him to think it’ll be easy to bring him back, to just pray like before, whispering sweet memories in hope it creates a ladder for him to climb.

“I’m sorry about the damage this is doing to your pack, I -- I never wanted this to happen, especially not to you.”

“Ah, what can you do? Half of them can’t see past their nose, and if they can’t see what change Alec will make to our world, then they aren’t ready to face it. It’s been too many years where our blood has defined us, and I can’t _wait_ for the Clave to crumble at the thought of a Shadowhunter with the body of a demon.”

Magnus chuckles, taking a step towards the door himself, agreeing with him. Alec will truly change a lot, from the way the law works, to how the Clave views the Downworld. He believes Alec will become a beacon, a light for people so they won’t feel alone anymore.

“Luke,” he waits until Luke is looking back at him, “Thank you.”

He huffs, shaking his head, “I just told you to rethink about Alec, and yet you’re thanking me?”

“You aren’t telling me to give up, you’re telling me to be careful. Seeing Alec like this, to know he’s suffering, it’s given me tunnel vision, in a sense,” that’s the moment Luke smiles, dipping his head, “Catarina and Ragnor have always been people to stand by me, but you’ve been here as well for as long as I can remember. Getting your opinion, your guidance, it matters to me.”

“I’d tell you to go be happy, to live your life and deal with the problems when they come, but this isn’t how our world works. The problems are very real and _here,_ I want you to know that.”

“I do,” Magnus smiles, “At least, now I’ve remembered that, thanks to you.”

“Love can be blinding sometimes. I don’t blame you for wanting to put everything behind you in order to save him, but don’t forget yourself in the process.” he taps against Magnus’ chest, smiling brighter as Magnus starts to have his own, “I care about you, Bane. You’ve done so much for our people, for the Downworlders. I can only hope that you’ll be allowed this little bit of happiness.”

“Impossible isn’t a word I follow, my good friend.”

Luke laughs, agreeing, “Oh, I know that. If anyone is going to open the door to change, to fight for the good of us all, that’s you. Alec wouldn’t be where he is today without you.”

Maia still helped Alec first, but Magnus was the one to accept him and open the gate to possibility. From their first kiss, to their first struggle, to now -- Magnus has been the one to guide Alec to be who he wants to be.

“I believe Alec is a good man, I _want_ him to be, and if our plan goes smoothly, then he’ll be an important part of both sides.”

Nodding, Magnus gives one last thanks, accepting the documents that explain everything, as well as the list of allies Alec has among the Downworld. It’s a short list, there’s no doubt about that, but it’s better than nothing.

As Luke gives him one last smile, he walks back into the Jade Wolf, most of the members looking back to stare at Magnus through the window of the kitchen doors. It doesn’t phase him, and Magnus won’t let it, walking out the back as he lets the temporary wards fizzle out.

\- - - - -

 

_Alec wakes again, only remembering blurred shapes and mumbling noises of his past encounter. Each time his mind seems to restart like this, he feels mentally weaker, drained by something he can’t see._

_He knows it’s the demon blood, eating whatever’s left of his energy to make him fall, to bend and break so Alec isn’t Alec anymore._

_So he has to keep going._

_He has to find his way back._

_Pushing himself up again, he notices his hands are back to the size they used to be. But even though his body is older, back to normal, he feels much weaker than last time, and every breath takes a monumental amount of energy, a strain on his lungs as concrete fills them._

_“Help me,” Alec whispers to the floor, one hand on his knee as he squeezes his eyes closed, “Magnus I need you, please.”_

_Alec doesn’t know what twisted image his mind will show him next, but as Magnus appears in front of him, he knows it’s going to punish his heart. At least, what’s left of it, rotting inside his own chest._

_“No,” he begs, falling back to the floor, “Not again, don’t make me live this nightmare, please.” Alec clutches his arms around his head, trying to silence the noise of Magnus calling out his name._

_\- - - - -_

 

Magnus won’t mention anything about Luke, and frankly, he wants to think about it by himself once he’s back at the apartment. It’s a lot to take in, and Magnus needs to understand it properly, because he can’t keep blaming himself.

Only time will tell if he follows that.

Opening her door, Catarina welcomes Magnus inside. Just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that -- he doesn’t hold his head high like he used to. Instead, Magnus gives her a faint smile, a small turn of his lips and then it’s gone again.

A month has passed since Christmas Day.

A collection of 31 days -- without Alec.

“How was it?” Catarina asks, shutting the door slowly, placing her hands against the wood until she hears the faint _click_ of the lock.

Before he spoke to Luke, he had a meeting at the Institute, where Isabelle welcomed her mother, Maryse, back after her rumoured divorce in Idris. She seemed different, but Magnus didn’t dwell on it.

“As awful as you’d imagine,” Magnus sighs, letting his trench coat fall from his shoulders, taking off his navy scarf in the process. “Question after question, debate after debate. It’s like watching paint dry, since the Clave insists on finding him. No matter what I say, they call me a _blind old fool,_ that I’m simply saving another demon because I share the same blood.”

That’s not the worst Magnus has been called either. He won't repeat them, since there’s already been enough pain in this past month to last him a few more years of tear jerking.

Catarina looks on, watching as Magnus immediately reaches for the whisky, pouring himself a drink while his friend mourns for him. This is his way of dealing with the pain, to drown his thoughts in liquid disguised as sweet, but in reality, it’s nothing but a catalyst for a deadly spiral, perhaps a train of emotions even more severe than when he’s sober. Thankfully, he doesn’t get drunk that easily, but there have been a few nights that Catarina has seen him sleep in that single chair in the guest room.

“How is he?” A question they’re familiar with, but not one where they want to be.

She anticipated it, just like every day since it happened. It took her a week to realise it was becoming a normal thing for herself too, trying to distract him with the Clave or ask him about his client work. A week after the incident at Maia’s house, Catarina found out that Magnus postponed all his clients to Ragnor while he tries to heal Alec.

It hurts to be the bearer of bad news, but Catarina would rather it be herself than anyone else. If Magnus was in charge, he probably would have never left his apartment, obsessed with fixing a mistake he thinks is his own. Perhaps that’s why Magnus took Alec’s broken, hollow body to Catarina’s in hope that he can still be himself while hanging onto hope.

Magnus was shocked to see her cry when he walked through that door, her hands moving to Alec’s neck to feel for his pulse, frightened to not find a pulse until a minute later. His body is barely alive, and Magnus used to smile when his pulse quickened to that of a normal one, where Alec even said himself that he felt _alive._

To think of that now, in the state he’s in? Magnus tips the glass up, downing the shot, his teeth grit together to brave himself through the strong taste. Not even the alcohol can soothe how dry his throat feels, how his eyes hurt from the late nights of searching through countless texts to try and fix this -- to heal him and bring him home to Magnus, to this life he’s slowly making for himself.

Catarina doesn’t answer his question, just smiles and nods. There’s no words to say anymore that she hasn’t already.

The nod and the smile, Magnus dubs it as _the same as yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that--_

There’s no point in repeating it, and even the _hope_ of getting a different answer died long ago. Despite that, and despite the pain he feels every time he sees Alec in that bed, Magnus still makes an effort to sit by him for an hour, to just hold his hand and see if that helps. Fairy tale stuff, he knows how silly it sounds in his head, but when his heart is so broken and lost at what to do, anything goes.

“Call me if you need me.” Magnus replies, giving his good friend another faint smile, leaving the glass on the table next to the whisky bottle. He’ll probably come back for it, _knows_ he will.

Every step towards that guest bedroom is one that becomes progressively more difficult. As if, for some twisted version of fate, something has happened. Not for good, but for bad, and it simultaneously crushes whatever hope Magnus has, as well as breaking whatever thin thread he’s walking on.

Magnus gave himself a time limit, one that he _promised_ to himself and somehow keeps growing and growing. Catarina won't say anything, not when every morning he comes barging in or phoning that there’s another idea he can try.

They all fail.

The only time Magnus got a response from him was when he cried into his hands, trying to keep his breath shallow to stop the sobs from being too loud. That’s when he saw Alec’s hand twitch, almost as if he could _hear_ Magnus in turmoil.

_“What do I do Alec? I can’t give up on you. You never gave up on me.”_

And then he shook his hand, frustrated that nothing else followed. The frown soon disappeared, leaning his forehead on Alec’s forearm. He whispered apologies, drawn between giving up and fighting. He hopes it’s the latter that wins out, but nothing is certain in this cruel world.

Magnus even dreams during these days without him. Like how the bed felt warmer when arms ghosted around his waist, pulling him closer to place a lazy, morning kiss on the back of his neck. Alec’s rough, mumbling morning voice would echo through the dream, making Magnus smile, but he could never really understand what he’s saying. Perhaps it’s past memories playing the illusion of hearing what he wants to hear. His dreams end in static, Alec’s arms turning to dust, a tear that’s not his own falling down the back of his neck.

In a world such as this, Magnus wouldn’t dismiss the thought of Alec reaching out in his dreams. If he is, then surely he’d help Magnus? He wouldn’t try to distract him, _right?_ Or maybe Alec knows it’s over, selfishly giving him and Magnus more time in a dream space he can control.

His heart sinks at the thought, opening the door to the guest room without a shake in his step. Magnus always has that little pulse of confidence everything will be fine, that he’ll be awake and smiling with open arms.

And just like it’s been for a while now, nothing has changed.

The confidence doesn’t melt away, it’s ripped away because the image of Alec laying there never fails to hammer nails through his lungs.

Omamori is curled next to Alec, ears drooped. Magnus hasn’t seen her tail wag once since that day happened.

Madzie is here too, sat on the bed beside him, book in her hands as she reads to him. She doesn’t quite understand this whole situation, but Madzie is smart enough to know Alec is ill, that he’s not himself in any sense of the word. Catarina didn’t want her in there, but after her persistent request of wanting to help, to make him feel less lonely, Catarina let her. She discreetly remembers Madzie spending little over twenty minutes deciding what book to read.

She finishes one each night.

Catarina has to order and conjure more books, eventually adding a shelf to the guest room that is otherwise plain. The warlock never expected guests to stay overnight, and her new apartment doesn’t have the spare bedroom for him. She had to whip one up with her magic, safe and protected by wards so the Shadowhunters can’t track Alec in his weakened, almost flatline state. Magnus helped, of course, but not without his magic sparking and feeling a little uneasy on his legs. He remembers himself saying it explicitly, that he’s making a death bed for the love of his life if he never wakes up, and Catarina has _never_ seen the man so broken, so laid bare.

Alec’s here, but _not,_ in a sense.

His head to the side, a singular table next to the bed with various boxes and bottles. Medicine, or potions to keep Alec’s strength up, because that’s the least they can do.

Magnus can see him, they all can, but it’s like looking at a fragment, a broken body and a soul searching to find its way back home.

And Magnus can’t help but feel that what happened on Christmas Day was his fault, that he didn’t take more caution to what Alec becomes exposed to. If he was careful, then that day could’ve been perfect, despite the tears they cried early in the morning, despite the lost hope of Alec’s words before he kissed him.

Alec didn’t even have chance to write those memories inside his new memory journal, and if he’s lost them, then that’ll be another blow to the hundreds he’s already taken to the heart over the past month.

Magnus is tired, mentally and physically exhausted --

But _god,_ he misses him. He misses him more than he did when he was gone for those two weeks, because back then he could pick up the phone and give in, to invite him over and never let him go. Now, he can’t do that, and he has to live day by day knowing he may never wake up, that he may never find his way back. If he doesn’t find his way back, then Magnus, for the first time in his life won’t know what to do. Of course, he would, but right now when emotions are caving in faster than he can escape, heavy and unforgiving, there’s no real way out of that mindset.

He wouldn’t even be able to mourn him, forever given the option to descend his body back down to Edom, or hope the heavens above accept him back, to say; _you’ve broken him enough, please let him rest where he belongs._

In all honesty, Magnus doesn’t think he could make that decision. Some stubborn part of him will always keep fighting, to make potion after potion, to try and reach in himself to guide him back like time and time before.

Catarina understands what Alec is going through, and so does Magnus. It was originally Magnus and Catarina who stitched together what’s happening, with Isabelle applying her knowledge from various Shadowhunter textbooks to give them a bit more to go on.

Alec’s body is here, but his mind is somewhere else. He’s lost in limbo, the dimension between this one and Edom, trapped there after Magnus’ magic accidently forced both sides of Alec there. When his fingers twitch, or his head moves, that’s him trying to reach back in, but every time he’s close, embers pull him back, forcing him to listen as Magnus becomes frustrated at his failed efforts to save him.

It’s completely on Alec to find his way back, because Magnus, Catarina and Isabelle can only do so much on the surface. As long as someone is here, like Madzie to read him a book, he’ll always have that beacon back here, the noises and familiar smells, colours, names -- it’ll all help to bring him back. Or at least, that’s what Magnus keeps telling himself.

“Magnus!” Madzie smiles at him, momentarily taking her mind away from the book to greet her friend, “I think Alec likes this one, he’s been responding!”

“Responding?” such words give him hope, and unfortunately, it doubles and doubles when she nods, as if the Alec sleeping there is a clear sign it’s nothing major.

“His hand moved a few times, and I think he said a word!”

_A word?_

That’s the most they’ve had in terms of response since he fell to slumber. Madzie seems happy with the news, but Magnus only manages a pained smile, “What word was it, do you know?”

“Hmm,” she looks to Alec then, remembering, “he said Alec.”

 _“Alec?”_ why on earth would he say his own name? “Are you sure, dear?”

“I’m sure.” Madzie nods, smiling as she returns to reading, leaving Magnus with that little clue into what’s going on inside Alec’s head.

Is he talking to himself, perhaps? Maybe he’s going insane inside there, fighting with whatever demons he has left, trying to battle through each one that faces him. He wishes there was a way to reach in, and maybe, just _maybe,_ it’ll bring him back.

If he’s been the most responsive today, then the idea Magnus has in mind has a higher chance of working. Alec’s closer to the surface now, still drowning, but he has the strength to keep fighting, to reach for the light breaking through the darkness.

_Help him._

_Help him find his way back._

\- - - - -

 

_“You’re lost, aren’t you?” a voice speaks, but not one Alec can name._

_He lifts his head from the ground, squinting as the figure is so bright, illuminating with this radiance that seems to drown out the void. It feels unreal that it would, because there’s been nothing but darkness since he woke up here, forced to repeat nightmares again and again, only to forget again and again._

_Alec is left with shapes, small blurred images of a memory he relives, turning and morphing to a nightmare towards the end, causing the stress and fear to tumble them together._

_This doesn’t feel like a memory at all, though. There’s no sudden awareness of what this could be, or anything remotely relating to Alec._

_“Stand up, dear.” their voice is gentle, and for a moment, he wonders if his mind is playing tricks. His last encounter involved Magnus, he painfully remember that fact, and it made his ears bleed, his throat sore, lungs turning concrete._

_There’s no way he’ll be fooled again._

_“Leave me alone,” he snarls, speaking through gritted teeth, “I’m not your toy to play games with anymore.”_

_“I’m not here to harm you.”_

_“Everything here, does. I won’t let you fool me.” he can feel himself gripping the nonexistent floor, coughing when he feels something hold his throat._

_“I don’t have much time,” she speaks again, holding out her hand, and Alec only sees when he looks up again, taking a moment to take in detail, “I can guide you.”_

_Alec shouldn’t trust what his ears hear, because it could be another trick of his own blood, a little drizzle of hope that becomes a drowning, all consuming weight in a matter of seconds._

_“Guide me where?” he replies, and there’s no twitch in the way the woman stands, her hair flowing in a breeze Alec can’t feel himself._

_“Back home.” she stays put, smiling as Alec takes in more of her expression. The woman looks so familiar, but he simply can’t put a name to who, “Back to Magnus.”_

_That name kickstars every gear in his frame of mind, eyes widening a little when the woman says it like she’s said it before -- as if she knows him._

_“You--”_

_“Alec, please,” her expression shifts to fear, looking behind Alec for a second, “We don’t have time for introductions.”_

_Introductions?_

_She’s real?_

_Alec pushes all the strength he has left into his forearms, grunting as it takes monumental effort to stand up, stumbling a few seconds later. But the lady is there, holding his bicep and pulling him up with a gentle smile on her face._

_And he can feel her hand --_

_For a moment, Alec wants to pull back, not wanting to fall for a trap --_

_But this is the first time he’s been able to make contact with something, and from how she speaks, she’s here and as real as ‘real’ is here. So he lets her pull him to his feet, looking back over his shoulder and feeling the immediate glare of something watching him -- someone._

_“Hurry,” she whispers, removing her hand from Alec’s arm to take his hand, holding it, “You don’t have long left to find a way out.”_

\- - - - -

 

Catarina enters the room, noticing how Magnus seems to be fixated on a textbook Isabelle gave him. She doesn’t speak, as instead, she walks to Magnus’ side, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you taking him home?”

“Yes,” Magnus replies, closing the book with a sigh, placing it on the edge of the bed, “Especially if you have a busy week next week.”

“I don’t mind taking a few more days off.”

“No,” he waves his hand in denial, “I can’t have you risk your job because of my own problems. Besides, the mundanes need you. You help so many people.”

“Magnus,” her tone is sudden, gripping his shoulder a little, “We all agreed to help Alec. He’s my friend as well as yours. We’re in this together, and I promised you I’d look after him even before this happened.”

He remembers Catarina being reluctant with Alec at first, not entirely sure if the whole thing was just a prank. Now, she understands how far Magnus’ heart is willing to go, how much he believes he loved Alec before and not just now. That kind of commitment, the risk he’s taking just to prove someone isn’t a monster -- that’s the Magnus she knows, that he’ll stop at nothing until Alec smiles again, even if it’s just one last time.

“Catarina,” the way Magnus says her name is broken, “I promised him.”

“I hope it’s not what I think it is --”

“I promised him I wouldn’t let this happen again, that he would never feel this pain,” Magnus feels those memories surface, only a few hours after Alec lost control thanks to Valentine, “I said it right to his face, and I couldn’t do anything as he sat there and _cried_ for me.”

“This isn’t your fault.”

“I wasn’t careful. I should have known this would’ve happened.” There’s no words to reply to Magnus after that.

Memories created by promises are always the most difficult to deal with when they appear again.

Catarina would be lying if she says she doesn’t believe it’s possible for Alec to lose control again. She’s been preparing for it, she just didn’t expect it to be _this_ soon.

She was horrified to see Alec in this state the first time, calling in sick immediately and spending hours working on potions with Magnus. Isabelle has purposely been trying to keep away, tinkering away in her little workshop to prepare for when Alec wakes up. That very workshop was summoned a single day after Alec fell to slumber, Catarina creating it for her inside the warlock’s apartment. There’s another reason why she’s avoiding Alec, to not see him like this, and Magnus can’t blame her.

Isabelle only just got Alec back, and now, he’s gone again.

Seeing him laying there, not responding, turning cold as ice, it made her crumble to the point where she had to spend the day at Magnus’, letting her returning mother handle the Institute while she’s gone. Maryse did ask if she was alright, and Isabelle had to explain that she needed a break, and some recent missions have been impacting her more than she thought they would. That isn’t even lying, because her last few missions have been entirely for Alec, portalling to Idris and seeking out knowledge there, being as discreet as she possibly can.

Thankfully, her charms gets her places, but her mind is so mentally exhausted from trying to smile that she simply can’t anymore. Isabelle is back at the institute now, has been for a few days, but that doesn’t mean she feels any better.

Because in another life, he’d be here with her, leading the Institute as he should. That’s what she truly believes.

“I’ll text Isabelle, let her know,” Catarina pats his shoulder, taking the book Magnus placed down into her hands, “And please, be careful if you try anything.”

Magnus smiles solemnly, nodding as he looks at Alec, noticing the slight frown in his sleeping expression. Even his chest doesn’t move with his breathing, only slightly once every few minutes like he’s taking a breath after being underwater.

It’s coming up to the hour where Magnus needs to give him medicine, and he decides he’ll do it back at his apartment. Madzie seems to be on the last few pages of the story, listening to the words as they come to a conclusion, and Magnus smiles at how soft she reads each word.

Madzie has changed too, matured.

She saw Alec as this monster, originally scared of him because she watched how he changed into the demon that hides beneath. But despite that, she learned to trust him. She even calls him a _hero,_ because he came back and _saved_ her.

As she closes the book, Magnus watches as she looks to Alec, sad that once again he hasn’t woken up. It feels like she’s failing, that these stories aren’t helping Alec, but Magnus is there to reassure her that they do help.

“Thank you, my dear,” Magnus smiles at her, Madzie turning to look at Magnus, “I know it’s helping him. He’s getting stronger every day.”

“I miss him, Magnus,” Omamori perks up at that, looking at Madzie as the small puppy lifts her head, “I really miss him. He’s my friend.”

Standing up, Magnus walks over, scratching Omamori’s ear as she whines, and Madzie leans into Magnus’ side as he places a hand on her shoulder.

“I know,” he says, tears at the backs of his eyes as Alec continues to lay there in silence, “I do, too. We all miss him.”

“He’s family,” Madzie replies, gripping Magnus’ shirt a little tighter, “And he’ll get better, right?”

She looks up at Magnus with hope shining in her eyes, a single wish out of so many others she could’ve made. Yet she chooses to wish for Alec to recover, to stand on his own two feet again and laugh with Alec’s awful jokes.

“He’ll come back, because he loves you. Alec loves Magnus a lot, doesn’t he?”

Magnus has to look away, closing his eyes as he hugs Madzie closer from where she sits on the edge of the bed.

He doesn’t answer her.

\- - - - -

 

“Mother?” Knocking twice on the door, Isabelle smiles slightly at Maryse picking out a dress, excited for the family dinner.

Maryse turns around at her name, her smile bright as soon as her beautiful daughter comes into focus.

“Isabelle!” she’s chirpy, more than usual, but Isabelle isn’t blind to why she is. The divorce changed a lot of things, mostly good rather than bad. This sudden prompt dinner invitation is no different, starting her life anew.

They hug as they meet halfway, Maryse squeezing Isabelle, rocking both of them side to side gently.

“You seem awfully excited,” Isabelle pulls back, her smile hiding the ache she feels inside her heart, “It’s good to see you smile.”

For a moment, Maryse smiles brighter, happy that her daughter seems to be doing well after the worrying messages she got.

But then she sees it, the lie in the way her mouth wobbles, how her eyes search her mother’s like she’s desperate to tell her something.

“But you’re not,” Maryse replies, and Isabelle’s poor attempt at one dwindles completely, “Isabelle, please talk to me.”

“I--,” she clasps her hands together, looking down to them and squeezing. If this all goes wrong, she could make it worse, “I have something to tell you.”

When she brought this up to Magnus, he was originally against it. There’s nothing worse than Maryse finding out she’s been lied to this whole time, but Isabelle explained that she’d understand the reason why they have. It took a few more days of convincing, but Magnus eventually agreed, sighing as he sipped his coffee at 3am in the morning;

_“Very well, but if this goes wrong, then I won’t know how to stop it. I already have Alec hanging on by a thread, I don't need anything else to stop me from trying to save him.”_

Isabelle bought him his next lunch as a thanks, but the more days that went by, the harder it’s been for Isabelle to gain the courage to tell her. What is she meant to say?

_Oh, your son is a greater demon, by the way --_

_You know that bow in our family vault? Well I found out who it belongs to -- your missing son because he got turned into a greater demon --_

But now, here she is, face to face with her mother who is as strict and as fierce as they come.

“Isabelle, please,” she places her hands on Isabelle’s shoulders, smiling a little, “Whatever it is, you can talk to me.”

_Breathe._

_Count to three, then say it._

_Three, two, one --_

“Remember when you told me you feel our family isn’t complete? That something feels missing? That you always see this shadow in your memories with me when I was younger?”

The mention of this softens Maryse’s face, becoming blank as she takes in what Isabelle is speaking about.

“Our family vault, and that bow,” Isabelle starts to feel this pain in her chest again, a sob trying to break through, but she’s holding it back, “You were right all this time. And I thought it was just you being unhappy with who I’ve become, but it wasn’t that at all.”

Isabelle pulls out her phone from her pocket, Maryse returning her hands to her side as she looks down to look at the screen of her daughter’s phone.

And there it is, as the wallpaper.

The picture Isabelle took on Christmas Day, hours before she lost him again.

Maryse gasps, placing her hand against her mouth because she can’t believe what she sees.

It’s a picture of Isabelle and Alec, one arm around each other as they smile towards the camera, and Alec looks so carefree and happy that the reminder of what state he’s in now -- it makes her crumble. Isabelle can hear his cheerful laugh after what Magnus said to make him smile for the picture, and the way his cheeks lift up from the sheer joy makes the first tear roll down her cheek.

“Isabelle, that’s the _Swordsman.”_

“Actually,” Isabelle laughs a little, turning the phone so Maryse can hold it herself, “That’s your son.”

Maryse almost drops the phone when she hears that, an arrow going through her heart as the denial is quickly swept away by the proof she can already see.

She sees it straight away -- the _humanity._

From how he smiles, to the little shine in his eyes, to the setting of the Christmas tree in the background. It doesn’t resemble any of the pictures they currently have in the system, and to see Alec in such a normal setting, it truly rips away all the fears pinned on him.

First of all, Maryse can see their resemblance. They _look_ related, and the scar on Alec’s neck is even further proof that he was once a Shadowhunter, every bit of that Shadowhunter tale being true. Not only that, but it’s how Isabelle isn’t scared at all standing next to him, hugging him by his side and smiling wholeheartedly at the camera.

 _“My son?”_ she speaks, not looking up from the phone as her thumb moves over his face in the picture. It’s not a trick of magic or pixels, the photo being genuine.

“Alec,” Isabelle nods, placing her hands over her mother’s as she holds the phone, “His name is Alec _Lightwood.”_

Isabelle expected everything _but_ this reaction. But Maryse isn’t the woman she used to be when Robert was around. Without him, she’s become more free, and with the divorce only happening recently, she still has a little more time to go before the thought of it completely clears from her mind.

To receive news like this, that the shadow she sees in her memory isn’t just that, but a _person --_ her _son --_ it makes her feel like everything Magnus has been trying to tell her during meetings was simply a sign.

“I -- I can’t believe this,” and there it is, the denial so her heart doesn’t hurt because this _isn’t_ real, “I’m sorry, Isabelle.”

“No, look,” taking the phone back, she goes through her gallery to bring up the positive results for the DNA match, a clear _yes_ on the results to show that they’re brother and sister, “I didn’t believe it either, but this is the most solid proof I have. I even took the bow --”

“You took the _bow?”_ Maryse frowns, about to part her lips and speak up, but Isabelle doesn’t let her.

 _“Listen!_ None of this makes sense, not yet, but I can tell you what I know,” Isabelle searches desperately, looking from her phone to Maryse, then back again repeatedly, “I can explain it all. I can take you to see him, and I _know_ you’ll feel what I did when I first saw him.”

There’s silence, now.

And then Maryse breaks it.

To see her daughter so broken, so crushed at the thought of her own mother not believing her, it truly moves Maryse. When she first saw Alec on that phone, she didn’t know what to think, but remembering what Isabelle said first, that she has answers for the spots of her memory that don’t make sense -- that’s what pushes Maryse. Both Isabelle and her own, hidden memories.

“What did you feel?”

“I missed him, like I haven’t seen him in years,” closing her gallery, the picture of Alec on her wallpaper appears again, looking down to him, “I still do, and I’ll keep feeling that until he’s safe.”

“Safe?” there’s quaking fear in that word somewhere, and Isabelle grips the phone tighter at being reminded why he isn’t.

“He’s running out of time.”

Whatever Maryse is thinking, she’s definitely weighing the options.

On one hand, this could give her an opportunity to capture the demon and obtain the Soul Sword, but on the other, if Isabelle is right -- they’ll fill in the part of Maryse’s heart that’s always had something missing, or _someone._

“Bring Max, too. I’ll explain everything, I promise,” Isabelle has a hopeful smile, holding her phone close to her chest. Their family is so close to being whole again, “He deserves to know as well.”

_\- - - - -_

 

Night rolls in, the usual pigeons that sit outside Magnus’ bedroom window still there, close and providing warmth for each other in the cold of winter.

Magnus can feel that cold himself, but he feels it through Alec’s hand, not the weather outside. They’ve been back at his apartment for a few hours now, and Magnus hasn’t left his side, watching those very pigeons as they move their heads around with quick motions. If Alec makes any sign of returning, he wants to be there when it happens.

With what Luke said today, he’s been doing some serious thinking, and even though he isn’t really stepping back to take it all in, he isn’t studying. He doesn’t have his nose deep in a book, writing equations, mixing potion after potion.

Alec’s been given his medicine, and he’ll have more before Magnus himself goes to sleep. He’s running on 5 hours right now, but when he’s here with Alec, all that energy seems to drain like he never slept at all.

Sighing, he turns back to Alec, looking at their joined hands and imagining what it’d feel like if he squeezed back.

Then, he looks at Alec’s face, the frown gone, his expression softer now.

And he feels it, the aching pain that strikes him in the gut, his own words being the cause of it.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus whispers, gripping Alec’s hand tighter with both of his own, “I’m sorry I broke that promise to you.”

No reply, as he expects.

It feels like Alec is ignoring him for a second, that _because_ Magnus broke that promise, he’ll never wake up.

“I love you,” it’s broken, but he is, “And you know that. But I need to hear you say it again,” looking down, he smiles at the geode sitting there on the bed, still humming with Alec’s magic, “Even if it’s one last time.”

Silence, as not even a clock ticks by.

“I have dreams, hopes to go places with you, just like you said. To travel, right? That’s what you wanted, to remember the world,” he laughs to himself, trying to pick up the heavy atmosphere he’s making for himself, “But then you met me, and you said you wanted to travel with me instead, to go wherever I go because it wouldn’t feel the same without me.”

His thumb moves over the back of Alec’s hand, and Magnus smiles at the memory of Alec doing the same comforting gesture to him.

“I need you, Alec. I don’t need you for me, and I don’t need you to clear my own guilt -- I need you because I want you to be the man you’re fighting to be. You’ve learned so much, and I want to see you smile when you can admit to yourself that you’re free, and to tell you that I love you.”

Parting his lips to speak again, he pauses, feeling something cold move through him --

_“Magnus.”_

He hears it, and it shocks him. Alec doesn’t speak it, but it’s his voice, Magnus _knows_ it is.

 _“This way.”_ another voice, but this time it inflicts a deeper pain, a woman that he hasn’t seen for generations.

That voice -- it’s Magnus’ mother.

He spoke to her earlier, wishing on her star to help Alec, and now, _she is._

 _“Mom?”_ Magnus’ lips tremble, and he can’t help the tear that falls as he grips Alec’s hand tighter, knowing he can hear what Alec can hear right now.

Alec -- he’s breaking through.

 _“Magnus,”_ and suddenly, Alec’s hand is gripping Magnus’ tightly, his face still the same, blank and motionless, but his voice is so lively, desperate for Magnus to hear him, _“Don’t --”_

“Alec, I’m here,” Magnus squeezes his hand back, looking at their hands, the veins in Alec’s pushing the skin up from how much he’s straining, like it’s taking all the strength he has to hold Magnus’ hand, “I’m here Alec, _please.”_

There’s white noise now. Magnus can hear it clear as day, two voices that speak one after the other, but he can’t understand anything of what they’re saying. Cold seeps up his arm where he holds Alec’s hand, but Magnus doesn’t want to break the connection he has with wherever Alec is.

He’s about to speak again, but Alec’s hand loses life again, falling limp in Magnus’ hold.

 _“No,”_ chokes Magnus, squeezing Alec’s hand even tighter as he leans closer, “No, _no no no --”_

And he waits, waits and waits -- for nothing. Alec is gone again.

He’d shout, scream and cry -- but this is _progress._ There hasn’t been anything like this from Alec, and if Madzie said he spoke a word today, then this is proof that Alec is still there somewhere, closer. He knows it’s him, because the way he spoke Magnus’ name is the voice he’s heard before, not the growling, demonic tone he fears.

As minutes pass with nothing more, Magnus stands, leaving the room as Omamori walks in, jumping up to the bed and sleeping by Alec’s hand once more. She’s done so ever since that day, ears not lifting from where they fall against her head.

There’s been something on his mind, a plan of sorts. It’s not exactly a plan, but it’s a way to get answers. It wasn’t until Luke said to take a step back that he thought of it, hit with the immediate reply to himself that it’s too dangerous.

Magnus has the power and links to get there, but who he’ll find is who he doesn’t want to see, especially when he’ll be vulnerable from his broken heart. But Alec’s close, and Magnus can’t just sit and wait anymore for Alec to fall down the ladder again.

This is his last option, the path he never wanted to walk.

Alec’s past is out there, somewhere even the angels don’t dare to touch.

He can go to where it all started, to demand answers and hope the trade isn’t going to cost him more pain. The denial doesn’t help how obviously painful the truth is, that the deal _will_ break him either way.

Alec would probably tell him no, to never go back to where he lost those precious memories, to where he mourned for a life he couldn’t remember --

Edom -- the furnace that twisted and broke Alec.

And he knows exactly who he’s going to meet once he’s down there.


	19. Meet Your Maker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please be mindful of spoilers if you're going to react live to this one. it's an important chapter
> 
> i'm gonna be honest. i'm nervous. this is the chapter that drained me trying to get right, and since 20 and 21 are done, and have been for a month or two, this is the only one that was holding them back. 
> 
> there might be one or two typos i've missed, feel free to let me know through @karasunoflyy on twitter!
> 
> music for this chapter: falling in reverse - EDEN, Rebirth - Vancouver Sleep Clinic (they're both on the [swordsman playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/obsidiayan/playlist/61uYiatFQVska794UTOi2C?si=CQVTX-czT_eiSxueM21qCA))
> 
> #ODSfic

_“Don’t be silly. Magnus Bane? He could snap this world in two before you even have a chance.”_

_“Is that a threat?”_

_“It could be. A downworlder acts on impulse alone, but add his volume of power and dreams to boot? You have one hell of a storm to fight, my friend.”_

 

_\- - - - -_

_“How are you holding up?”_

“Enough to stand on my own two feet,” Magnus takes his eyes away from the rain that falls on his balcony windows, “It doesn’t get any harder, nor does it get any easier.”

There’s silence on the other end of the phone, some shuffling, but no speech. To be honest, there’s not much to say.

_“It’s been two days now, right? Since Alec spoke to you?”_

Two days is correct. Two days since Alec spoke to him through simply holding hands, feeling that connection send unwelcoming chills through his body. It felt like something that occured in the past, as if Alec’s pain was finally reaching through, yet Alec’s already been through it and onto the next painful nightmare. There’s an obvious time difference between here and wherever Alec is, but he can have a little comfort knowing his own mother is somehow guiding Alec.

Just the thought of her makes Magnus smile, but it’s not without the grueling reminder of what happened to her. And then it creates more dwelling thoughts, such as if she’s stuck there, or she’s a figure of Alec’s imagination through the connection he has with Magnus.

It frustrates Magnus how helpless he feels, that all he can do is sit and wait for something to happen, for something to _click_ so he can solve this problem. Nothing ever ends up that way, as Magnus always finds more questions and winding, twisting paths that lead him to dead ends.

It’s killing him.

“Yes, two days.” he finally replies, squeezing his coffee mug tighter as he holds it with one hand. With the phone on speaker, Magnus can take advantage of the hot beverage, warming his otherwise trembling fingers.

Not from the cold, not from nerves -- but the impending fear of the unknown.

 _“What was it like?”_ Isabelle is home with Maia, sitting on the couch as Maia moves fingers through her hair, head resting on her lap.

Maia hasn’t seen Magnus much since the event, and Magnus doesn’t need an explanation as to why. Seeing her best friend lose control like that, to transform into something she’s never seen before, she was horribly reminded of what Alec really is. When Maia first met Alec, he was void of anything that made him look demonic except his eyes. To see Alec gain those sharp teeth, pulsing veins, tar coating his skin -- she’s haunted by it.

And to know he’s suffering, alone in a world they can’t reach, it’s tearing her apart more than she thought it would. Two weeks is two weeks, and for Maia, that’s been more than enough time to understand Alec as _Alec._ With the late nights of hearing Alec toss and turn, the nights where he never went to bed, the nights where Maia would wake up and see Alec standing there, fear on his face like he’s lost -- she’s aware his demons haunt him, but Maia _never_ wanted to witness them breaking him apart.

The reason why Isabelle asks how it was to make contact like that, is because when Magnus rang her an hour after it happened, he was speechless. He couldn’t explain it, because all he felt was this _burning_ loss inside his chest, and a few minutes later after Isabelle picked up the phone, Magnus put it down.

Now, he’s had days to recover, days to spend by Alec’s side and aid his recovery.

“His skin felt cold, and when he gripped my hand,” Magnus looks down to the very hand Alec held, “It felt like he was trying to pull me, as if he’s trying to pull himself out.”

Another moment of silence.

 _“He’s so strong,”_ Magnus agrees, smiling but it fades quick, _“And so are you.”_

“This is no time for flattery, my dear.”

 _“It’s not flattery, you need to hear it,”_ Maia replies, letting Isabelle take a break because calling the pair of them strong made her tear up a little. _“This isn’t easy, Magnus. I can’t imagine how much you’re hurting, and I don’t think we’ll ever understand, but you’re not alone in missing him. We all want him back and to be the Alec we know he is.”_

Trust Maia to say words of wisdom, words that empower him to smile, and this time he keeps it, “You’re a wise woman, Maia.”

 _“Not wise, but I appreciate the compliment,”_ Magnus can hear them both chuckling, _“Because I’m your friend, and I’m going to damn well tell you that there’s no need to blame yourself for this. Alec will come back, I know he will, or I’ll go wherever he is myself and kick his ass.”_

Laughing, Magnus looks to his phone, seeing the display picture he set for Isabelle’s number as the picture of herself, Maia and Alec trying on awful Christmas jumpers.

_Alec will come back, I know he will --_

Somehow, Magnus believes that, as a few moments ago he didn’t.

“Ah, I remember him texting me during those two weeks, about how you told him off for not even boiling the kettle when he makes a cup of tea.”

Maia groans at the memory, _“He thought putting the water in the kettle instantly made it hot. He makes the worst hot drinks, I swear.”_

As she says that, Magnus is taken back to the time where Alec made him drinks. That hot chocolate when Magnus came home to Alec sleeping on his couch, and then a coffee in the morning. It bleeds away the bitter cold he feels in his bones, because it seems Alec was simply teasing Maia.

Magnus’ laugh perks Maia’s interest, but he simply brushes past the question.

_“I’ll have results for you tomorrow, about the protector?”_

And just like that, Magnus is back in business mode, focused on the progress they’re making for when Alec wakes up, “Brilliant, I’m excited to see what you’ve been working on.”

_“Catarina is a genius.”_

_“You’re both geniuses,”_ argues Maia, pinching her girlfriend’s nose to get her to smile, _“Even Luke was impressed.”_

“Luke?” Magnus hasn’t seen him since their talk at the Jade Wolf, because he’s been busy preparing their action plan.

 _“Yeah!”_ Isabelle replies this time, _“He wanted to see it, and he said it’s going to help the overall plan immensely if we have Alec living comfortably without worry of his demonic blood.”_

Magnus has a tough time wanting to agree with that or not, as on one side of the fence, he believes Alec can do it without need for trinkets and gadgets, but on the other he doesn’t want the chance of this happening again.

“Thank you,” he finally speaks up after what seems like a minute, Isabelle or Maia not wanting to push an answer, “For everything you’re doing, both of you.”

 _“I’m scared, to be honest,”_ says Maia, sighing, _“But I know that Alec is one tough dude, and so are you, Magnus.”_

_Oh, how I’m not --_

_I’m terrified._

That one moment of hesitation is enough for Maia and Isabelle to know something. Usually, Magnus would laugh or reply with compliments of his own, but this time, all they can hear is his slow breathing, lost in thought.

_“Magnus?”_

Does he tell them? Is it worth telling them the deal he’s about to make?

 _I have to,_ he tells himself, to _give Alec the best chance if I don’t come back --_

But this time, he ignores his own thoughts.

“I’m feeling tired. I’ll catch up with you sometime tomorrow, okay?”

As they speak their goodbye, Magnus is already looking back through the window, moody skies thundering over Brooklyn. There’s enough blue light filtering through that he doesn’t have to magic any candles alight, and he’s broken from that thought when his phone beeps.

He forgot to put the phone down, but thankfully Isabelle did it for him on her end.

With the beverage turning cold in his hands, he leaves it there, placing his hands on the marble to push himself and his chair back. He knows seeing Alec only makes it worse, but he can’t sit here and simply just think about him, because it rips him apart even more at the questions that surface because of it.

Making his way to the bedroom, he sighs, placing a hand against his stomach, aware of the rough print on the shirt he wears. He’s wearing Alec’s gift to him, and it might seem lovesick, but Magnus believes wearing it brings him closer to Alec, even though there’s no physical connection, it’s mentally helping him.

Opening the door, Omamori perks up as Magnus enters, moving to stand and walk towards the edge of the bed. Smiling, Magnus scratches behind her ear, thankful that she’s looking after Alec when he doesn’t have the strength to stay by his side. Omamori must be hurting a lot, too, spending most of her time curled up by Alec’s hand, her loss of appetite becoming worrying to Magnus. If she doesn’t eat, she’ll only get weaker, and without Alec here to keep her strength up, Magnus fears for her health.

“Come on, you,” he nudges her nose with his finger, “Go eat.”

Her little grumble says it all. She doesn’t want to leave Alec’s side, but her stomach says otherwise. Omamori trusts Magnus, especially if Alec does, but she’s started to bond separately with Magnus, becoming friends without Alec’s trust to say who’s good or bad.

Jumping down from the bed, Omamori sulks as she walks away, but Magnus can hear her little pads pattering all the way to the kitchen, picking up speed as she smells the meat left out for her.

Smiling to himself, Magnus looks up to Alec. And just like that, it’s gone again. It fades, replaced by a blank expression, already having done sadness enough times for it to be rendered normal.

Taking a deep breath, Magnus walks to his side of the bed, pulling the covers back and moving under so he lay next to him, not taking his eyes away from his sleeping face in worry he’ll miss something. One of Alec’s hands rests against his scar, and it’s been like that ever since Alec made contact with Magnus two days ago. He didn’t have the heart to move it, constantly tricked by the image he sees, where people oblivious to the situation would see a sleeping, soundless Alec.

But now, here with him, close enough to feel the cold of his usually warm skin, Magnus takes the hand on his chest. He holds it as he rests his head on the pillow, playing with one of Alec’s rings as he closes his eyes, falling to slumber easier than he thought he would.

\- - - - -

 

A white noise, whispering, _unbelievable cold --_

And then it’s gone, like someone wiping condensation from a window, leaving remnants on the hand that did it. That cold, lingering feeling is quickly replaced by birds, a distance sound of waves crashing against a peaceful beach, the smell of fresh cocktails and food in the air.

Magnus senses himself changing, lighter, _happier._

He feels it, that warm pulse in his chest, heart alive with blooming love. And it feels real, grounding, pulling Magnus under and holding him tight.

Alec is here, kissing down his chest, slowly, one at a time. He’s sitting on his knees, hands soothing down Magnus’ sides, admiring, almost worshipping his frame with utmost care. To have such weight over him, the warming colours of a tropical sunset painting along Alec’s right side, it’s surreal. Moving, living art as he moves down Magnus’ body. His hands slowly grip Magnus’ thighs, edging them apart ever so slightly so he can lay down between them, head resting on his abdomen.

“It’s nice here,” Alec whispers, and Magnus can feel his voice rumble on his skin, “We should stay.”

“Stay?” repeats Magnus, reaching his hand down to comb his fingers through Alec’s hair. There’s a content hum, a thanks almost for Magnus’ little affections.

“Yeah,” he moves a finger down the side of Magnus’ leg, reaching his ankle and then slowly drawing it back up again to the inside of his thigh. “It’s beautiful.”

Magnus wants to say something corny -- _not as beautiful as you --_ but he stops himself, simply smiling as he can feel Alec grin against his skin.

“Damn, I thought that’d work.”

“Hmm?” he knows exactly what Alec means.

“To get a cheesy line out of you. I’m a sucker for those,” Alec turns his head, placing a soft kiss against his skin, then another, and _another_ until Magnus starts to close his eyes, humming. “Maybe I’m just in love with everything you do.”

“I’m flattered,” biting his lip as Alec makes his way up to his face again, kissing his skin along the way, Alec grins triumphantly, “But I can hear the cockiness in your voice.”

“That’s ironic.”

Okay, he left _that_ open for the taking.

Magnus lightly nudges Alec’s chest, causing him to laugh, “Ugh, remind me why I’m in love with you again?”

“I don’t know,” Alec leans in, placing a soft kiss on his lips, lingering close when they part. “Care to remind me?”

Guiding his hands to Alec’s face, a calming warmth spreads over his skin, smiling as Alec closes his eyes, moving into his hold to kiss his palm. He then reaches up to hold the palm as he plants more kisses, Alec turning it as he kisses over his knuckles, down the back of his hand and then turning it again so he can kiss the underside of his wrist, eyes opening to lock with Magnus’.

“Every part of you is beautiful, Magnus,” Alec says, stern, powerful, as if nothing Magnus replies with will make him think differently.

The demon swallows, struck with something that Magnus can see in his face. He’s puzzled by this, and the weight of the situation starts to echo through his bones, becoming heavy on his organs. Lips parting, Alec goes to speak, but he pulls his tongue back, knowing that what he’s going to say will twist the theoretical knife in their hearts even more.

“Tell me this is real -- you and me.”

“Real?” Magnus asks, voice ghostly, like he’s losing the power to speak.

The edges of his vision begin to blur, to blend and lose focus, colours bleeding into each other -- but Alec is the only thing that _remains_ in focus.

“This,” he gestures to the room, “This isn’t _real.”_ the pain in his face is evident, poisoned with a sour belief that he’s _right._ Every second here is a second he’s not there with Magnus, but deep in his heart he knows this may be the only time he’ll have Magnus this close, in his arms, tossing and turning as the balcony doors stand open, fresh ocean air flowing through to cool their warm bodies.

Magnus doesn’t want to let go yet, not when he feels the most alive here, where _Alec_ is --

“Don’t,” Magnus pulls him back down, looking down to his lips as Alec does the same, leaning his forehead softly against his, _“Don’t think about that, not yet.”_

He kisses Alec, slow and careful, pushing his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck as he can feel the room become colder. His feet move up the bed when he feels the sheets fade away like ash, Alec’s weight lessening as the seconds tick by.

Magnus _begs_ inside his thoughts, losing hold of Alec as the hands that move up and down his sides vanish. He fears opening his eyes, but curiosity gets the better of him, and he opens them to a black void staring back at him, cold washing over his body as Magnus sits up.

Limbo.

And in the distance, Alec is sitting there, hugging his knees, crying into the space between him where he’s curled up, pleading whispers into the silent, thin atmosphere. Reaching out, Magnus tries to call his name, but his voice has been left behind, still with the dream of them in paradise, kissing and loving one another with the world behind them.

Wanting to stand so he can reach him, he tries to push himself to his feet, but he can’t. He doesn’t belong here, not now, and so the realm rejects him, slowly pulling him further and further away from Alec as he watches his lover sit there, shaking with the cold and fear of never going home.

And Alec hears it, Magnus’ voice, calling out to him from where Magnus is now. Magnus can’t hear it, the void simply using it to trick both of them as Alec thinks it’s another awful nightmare, teasing and torturing his mind to breaking point.

As Magnus feels himself fading, he hears Alec scream out, his voice cracking the floor beneath Magnus’ body, plummeting the warlock back to the living realm, where his body _jolts_ awake.

Tingling, his skin prickles with the cold of where he’s just been, but warmth clings to him in places Alec touched in that dream. It felt so _real --_ _Alec_ was so _real._ He kissed him like Alec used to, smiled and laughed like he never left.

But what hurts the most is the pain in those words, that he doubted and _still_ doubts the state of their reality. They’re not real -- them,   _Alec and Magnus --_ it’s not real when Alec is stuck, _trapped,_ suspended in time to live out constant memories he’ll never remember anyway.

Magnus sinks back down to the sheets, closing his eyes as he rests his head, a pounding headache sounding throughout his body, reaching down to his toes that turns him numb. He’s exhausted, so painfully cold and empty that Magnus forgets to breathe his next breath.

He wants Alec back, wants him here. But he’s not, and the only thing Magnus can hold and keep safe is his own imagination, his own will to create dreams and forge them himself. They’re becoming twisted though, constantly poked fun at by the demons that haunt him, the questions and waiting decisions he needs to make pending on the horizon.

Opening his eyes to Alec sleeping there, his hand holding Magnus’, breathing steady -- it makes Magnus _hope._

_Was he dreaming the same as me? Was it real?_

He squeezes Alec’s hand, looking at the side of his face, noticing the pale colour of his skin is no longer prominent. There’s some colour now, redness to the tips of his ears and a lingering heat in his palm.

Progress. More progress.

But not _enough._

His eyes linger on his face, and even with the room being dark, Magnus can see well thanks to the nature of his warlock mark hiding behind a glamour. Alec would probably tell him to not be scared of it, that he finds them beautiful, but he’s not here to say that.

It’s horrible, this striking pain that occurs every time he’s reminded of Alec. Right now, it’s constant, as Alec is here, physically touching him but _not._ Not knowing what he’s going through, not knowing what pain he’s suffering through just to come home again -- there’s no word for it. Magnus can list them, but it only swells his own pain, as each word to label what he feels becomes progressively worse. The more words he thinks of, the more he curses his own knowledge, drowning as his lungs stutter, dam breaking as tears flow.

Magnus can’t count how many times he’s cried over this past month, and it’s been a lot. He’s not afraid to show emotion, but this time, the pain he feels is so deep inside his chest that it pushes air from his lungs, sobbing as he places his head on Alec’s chest, hand still holding his.

“Please come home,” he pleads, a stray tear falling onto the Swordsman’s scar, “I don’t want to lose what I feel I already have.”

He turns so he can look at Alec’s face, how his parted lips are dry, how to any other person he just looks like he’s sleeping.

But he’s _not._

He’s locked in there, plagued in his own body that doesn’t feel like his own, because every step he takes inside that limbo feels closer and at the same time further away from where he wants to be.

Another tear falls, and another, until Magnus halts. Alec’s breathing is picking up, his hand gripping with force.

Magnus lifts his head from his chest, not wanting to jinx anything as he stays quiet, watching as this red pulse of magic seems to flutter inside his chest. It seems to struggle, looking for something, but Magnus has never seen this before.

Is he losing him? Is he close to coming back? Not knowing exactly what to do rips at his heartstrings.

Sitting up as the sheets fall to his waist, Magnus places his hands over the scar to try and understand whatever this is with his own magic. The knife in Magnus’ heart _twists,_ because if this is the only chance he has, Magnus doesn’t know how long this is going to last, or if he’s even safe to be here. Whatever the outcome, Magnus doesn’t want to be the one to live with regrets, as he’d rather try than not try at all.

Reaching inside the core of his magic, Magnus takes a deep breath, fingers splayed over Alec’s chest scar, the red light still pulsing beneath his skin.

And then he _pushes,_ lets the magic flow through his arms to the very tips of his fingers, then sinking into Alec’s body like water to a sponge. Orange sparks jump over the exposed skin of Magnus’ arms, swirls of magic like snakes moving around and thinning out towards his fingertips, being able to see his magic seep in and fill Alec’s chest, searching for answers.

There’s feedback, a resounding thump that echoes through Magnus’ fingertips, Alec’s heart soars, thumping _louder and louder._

Magnus _frowns,_ an utter loss for words as the answer he receives gives him more questions. The magic he feels inside Alec’s chest is _Magnus’_ magic, -- but it’s angry, saddened, filled with grief and loss --

It’s _old, forgotten --_

_“Magnus!”_

He hears Alec shout, and what happens next is beautiful as well as _frightening --_

Alec’s chest glows brighter, to the point where Magnus can see the shadow of his rib cage, his own magic moving around and slowly tethering to something he can feel, a force that’s becoming weaker by the second.

But as Magnus’ magic centers in that one place, the weight of that force grows, holding on. It’s like Alec’s hand has found Magnus’, and Alec is trying to pull his soul out from where it hides.

“Hold on,” Magnus whispers, _“Hold on.”_

Reaching inside himself again, Magnus closes his eyes, feeling the sharp jolt of his soul as he calls his magic back, noticing the resistance from where Alec holds it inside his chest. He keeps trying, pulling and pulling but Alec’s soul won’t budge, trying to drag Magnus back in with him, pulse becoming weaker the more he tries to tug.

Magnus can feel him fading again, a sour taste in his mouth and ringing in his head.

_“Magnus -- let go --”_

_He’s not really saying that, is he?_

And with his next breath, his magic _snaps_ back into him like elastic, Alec’s upper body suddenly sitting up, his lungs gasping for air, eyes open wide in shock, wings sprouting from his back with a horrid _snap_. His eyes are red, sparking with magic on the surface, but Alec seems to be himself, Magnus sitting as he too gasps for air by his side.

His own magic feels cold under his skin, and Magnus finds himself becoming drastically weaker, having to lean on one arm as he clutches his stomach. It feels like his muscles are cramping, magic twitching as it tries to slot itself back into Magnus’ core. There’s this strange, lingering feeling of doubt, itchy in places, as if some of the magic returning to his body doesn’t have a place to belong.

Alec is hunched over, heaving, _coughing_ like he’s not used to the air here. He’s confused, mostly, because he doesn’t recognise where he is, his state of mind, direction and sense all jumbled.

As he sits there, Magnus flicks his vision from the side of Alec’s face to his chest, finding that some of his magic is still there, glowing. Magnus felt every drop return, so why does he still see remnants? It doesn’t last for long, and the shock of Alec being _alive, moving, breathing --_ it grips hold of Magnus tight, sudden and heavy.

The light in his chest snuffs out, and Alec slowly begins to calm down, taking deeper breaths, lifting a hand to his head and leaving it there. He has a headache, and nothing of the world makes sense to him right now, feeling like he’s been pushed through a blender multiple times and glued back together by an amatuer.

One thing that does make sense, is the feeling inside his chest, the mourning and loss for the man he’s missed. And Alec grits his teeth, hand moving from his head to his chest as he tries to find that person inside, because he can feel him there, recent and warm.

“Alec?” the voice sounds distant, but as the world starts to focus and his eyes open to a wall he’s suddenly familiar with, the memories that remain begin connecting again, sparking until he can think freely -- a complete connection.

His body starts to warm up, colour returning to his skin, hazel covering the red, demonic power oozing through him and bringing every muscle back to life like a well oiled machine. Thankfully, he recovers quickly, but that’s only physically.

Mentally, he’s still suffering, and with that brings the remnants of pain he felt when he _wasn’t_ here, little pin pricks occuring where his body felt seraph blades or certain words slice him like a physical blade.

“Alec?” there it is again.

However, Alec can understand which way it’s coming from this time, and the silk sheets he sits in are a colour he remembers, a texture he remembers. Moving his hand, the one not on his chest, Alec feels the material, soft and smooth as he smiles at the familiarity.

But then he sees something move to his side, a weight, a presence he’s not been aware of this whole time --

He turns, and what he sees sheds every cold fear he has left on his skin, melting away like the sun has risen over the horizon again --

“Magnus,” Alec reaches for him, arms closing around him as the warlock falls into him, “I, --”

Alec doesn’t get a chance, as Magnus crashes his lips against his, the tear that was falling down his cheek washed away by Alec’s hand holding that side of his face, the ache that was once scratching down the side of his heart now gone.

Falling back to the sheets, Magnus pulls him on top, Alec’s broken body struggling to move, but he does follow. He wants to, _wants_ to be here, to _feel_ like he’s here.

It’s been more than a month since Magnus felt these hands on his skin, tugging at his heartstrings, kissing his lips like he needs it to physically be alive. And that weight, pushing down on his body, the warm breaths that float over his skin, magic sparking at the edge of his fingertips -- he’s missed this, so _so_ much.

But he hates the guilt that swallows him quicker than he can blink, Alec’s kiss slowing until he just lingers by his lips, exhaustion setting in quicker than his body can heal it.

If he didn’t use his magic against him, this would have never happened.

If Alec didn’t lose control, Magnus wouldn’t have had to suffer.

They both equally share a guilt too heavy to bare, and those rusty chains they broke before seem to click back into place around their limbs.

Magnus can see it on his face, that _beautiful_ face as it twists, squeezing his eyes shut in pain.

 _“Fuck,_ I’m so sorry, I’m _so sorry,”_ Alec drops his head to Magnus’ chest, forehead against his collar bone. The apologies he whispers into his skin feel like poison being absorbed, making Magnus’ lungs heavy, his heart slow.

Magnus starts to sit up, hand cradling his falling head.

Why is _Alec_ apologising?

“I’m tired,” he says again, falling to Magnus’ side away from his hold, energy banks low to the point where even his train of thought starts to jumble, “I… missed you -- _you… “_

“Alec, it’s okay,” Magnus sits up properly, a beaming smile on his face despite the pain Alec still seems to be in, the burning passion from their kiss still tingling on his lips, “It’s okay, you’re safe.”

“I have to… protect you,” he mumbles, eyes closing as his head rests against the pillow, body falling limps as sleep claims him, “Thas’ _mm’... “_

Magnus stays quiet incase Alec mumbles anything else, but all that remains is the gentle breathing of his slumber.

And Magnus himself, breathes a sigh of relief.

Moving his thumb across his cheek, Magnus smiles, but it’s not one without pain.

Why didn’t that attempt of pulling him back work before? What’s different about it now? Perhaps he’s stronger now, close enough that Magnus is able to achieve it, but it still doesn’t make much sense. _None of this makes any sense._

Laying back down on his side, Magnus feels that little bird flutter inside his heart as he hears those whistles, the small snores Alec does when he sleeps. That’s how he knows he’s still here, the lingering dread that he’s slowly falling back into the void bleeding away, leaving Magnus’ lungs to breathe easy.

Placing his head near Alec’s, he kisses the tip of his nose, and then his lips, savouring the moment that he’s finally _home._ His own apology can come later, where he’ll try to fix whatever hate Alec has inside of him because of that night.

The adrenaline rush of being back in his own body, reaching for the man he loves and never wanting to let go, that’s what held Alec until he simply couldn’t anymore. He’ll need days until he’s fully recovered, because his physically body will recover in hours, but his mental health won’t be an overnight thing. He needs time, _they_ need time to figure this all out.

But Magnus’ pain doesn’t stop here, not until he has _answers._

Edom looms over him, the choices he needs to make nipping like wild dogs at his feet, and Alec being back only blinded him from that mission for mere minutes. Alec healing doesn’t mean it’s over.

This will happen again, _and again, and again_ until one of them _breaks._

It’ll be either Alec falling to oblivion and never looking back, or Magnus, losing hope in a dream that at one time seemed so bright and prosperous.

 

\- - - - -

A storm rages on outside, lightning spreading through the clouds like claws, latching on to whatever source of energy it can find. Magnus watches it from the kitchen, the streets empty and void of life as people take shelter inside.

Half of those mundanes don’t know what true horrors hide in the shadows, but when storms are as violent and loud as this, Magnus too feels the fear and uncertainty of when the next lightning bolt will strike. Perhaps the gods are angry, scaring the life out of someone for their sins, their unearthly wishes or desires.

Magnus simply looks away as the next one strikes, the quick splash of blue blooming through his apartment. It fades as quick as it appears, a mere second into the world of what it’d be like if Magnus painted his walls blue. He ponders on it for a moment, but simply walks onwards as the tray of food in his hands warms his fingers.

Alec slept through that entire night and through to the afternoon. It’s now 7pm, and Magnus has been preparing how he’s going to tell Alec about going to Edom. These are _his_ memories, _his_ history -- but then again, it’s also _Magnus’._

There’s no doubt, no lingering _what if_ about their relationship before Alec fell. He’ll bet his own magic that he’s right, because nothing has ever felt this real to Magnus, so painfully _right_ when it should be _wrong._ And if it does go wrong, then he’ll look back on this moment in a few years time, to remember this very moment and to erase every problem that weighs heavy in his gut.

If he takes this picture, Alec on his stomach, sleeping soundly as he hugs Magnus’ pillow like times before -- then he can remember a time where they felt _real, in love, together._

When the thundering simmers to silence, Magnus can hear the whistles of his snores, the rustling of his feet and legs as they move the sheet above him. And then his head will move, pushing his face into the smell of Magnus’ sandalwood shampoo, filling his thoughts with golden smiles, soft kisses, gentle yet powerful hands. Nightmares don’t conjure themselves when he’s reminded of Magnus, and being in such a familiar setting -- which means _home_ to Alec -- he’s not scared to close his eyes, to let himself drift off to whatever dreams await for him.

But despite being so content, Magnus can hear Alec’s stomach making angry noises. He’s too weak to wake by himself despite the hunger he feels, so Magnus has to try and nudge him awake so he can eat something.

Placing the tray down on Alec’s side cabinet, Magnus sits down at the edge of the bed, side on to him with Alec’s back facing him. The steady rise and fall of his shoulders as he lays there makes Magnus forget the past month for _just_ a moment, where he lives in the present, reaching a hand out to place against Alec’s warm skin.

He gently moves a nail down his spine between his resting wings, then back up again when he reaches the dimples in Alec’s back. This feels like the moments they had before Christmas, the moments they stole to have with each other under the watchful eye of the moon, promises and dreams being made as hands explored skin. Of course, they were interrupted, but the time they had is still held close to their fragile hearts.

Alec hums at him, skin shifting, wings twitching from the comforting gesture. The demon wakes slowly from it, hugging Magnus’ pillow closer to his face as he breathes in, sighing loudly when his headache begins to make itself known again. It’s not as bad as yesterday, but it’s still very much there.

“Mmm,” he mumbles louder this time, Magnus placing his fingers through the feathers of his wings, thankful at how healthy they seem to be and how much they’ve grown. Not by much, but it’s enough to let Magnus know they’re not even at their full strength yet. _“Magnus…”_

 _“Hmm?”_ taking his hand away, Alec lifts his head, turning until he sees Magnus, then placing it down on the pillow again. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Alec smiles up at him, weakly, but a smile, “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“Hey to you, too,” he chuckles a little, a swelling cloud in his throat at how _happy_ he is to see Alec smile -- for _real,_ “And please don’t apologise.”

Reaching for the tray, Alec follows his movements, his stomach grumbling at the sight of a steaming bowl of soup. His body needs it so badly, but his limbs can barely move, and his wings won’t go back into his body. There’s too much pain, too much damage inside physically and mentally that he simply can’t hide them anymore.

“You made me food?” he asks, trying to concentrate on Magnus and not his aching bones.

“Mm,” nodding, Magnus smiles as he places it on his own lap, wanting Alec to sit up so he doesn’t choke. “Can... you move at all?”

Alec looks down, assessing how much energy he has and feeling for the cogs that aren’t exactly turning yet. Before he can say anything back, he feels Magnus’ hand on his shoulder, the warlock closing his eyes when Alec looks back to him, “Don’t, Magnus.”

“Please,” he moves his thumb over Alec’s skin. “You need to sit up, take some of my strength.”

 _“No,”_ Alec grits his teeth, moving his shoulder so Magnus’ hand no longer makes contact, trying to shift the pain mentally instead of physically as he pushes himself up, _grunting_ with the effort to do so. “I’ve taken enough of that already.”

That _stings,_ it really does.

Because Alec _knows_ how much Magnus has been hurting over these few days, could hear him cry and plead him to come back when he was close to the surface. He can even feel how weak his aura is, how wierd his own magic feels to him, the mess of questions inside his head -- it’s burning an even deeper hole into Alec’s already damaged soul to think of the pain he’s given Magnus.

All because he wasn’t strong enough --

All because he let the demon take over.

As he turns, he falls against the headboard of the bed, cursing as the wood knocks against his shoulder blades, an awful sting tensing his wings as they curl up to his sides and under his arms.

“I fucking hate these things,” Alec gestures to one of his wings, thumb brushing down some feathers that stick up like he’s a bird tending to the care of them, keeping them close to his side while he’s sat like this. “They’re just useless and heavy.”

Magnus is about to protest, but the concern Alec shows in his face as he tries to check if they’re okay, he knows that deep down Alec is happy they’re still there, still growing. He smiles at his little tantrum, aware that Alec will go through some self hatred during his recovery, plagued with the weight of what’s happened and the consequences that follow.

“I think they’re pretty cool,” Magnus replies, tone quiet as he places the tray on Alec’s lap. “It shows how much angel blood you still have.”

Alec snorts, “Didn’t help though, did it?”

There’s that sting again in Magnus’ chest, stronger this time, multiple points of impact that start to feel like claws.

And Alec seems to know his mistake soon after he speaks, because Magnus’ smile falls from his lips, shoulders losing their height as he slumps ever so slightly. Those words are also like weights, thrown onto his shoulders and left to repair the bruises himself.

“Shit,” he shakes his head, looking for Magnus’ gaze as the warlock looks away, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean--”

“Don’t worry about it,” there’s another smile, but Alec can tell it’s more than forced, because it’s _hurting_ Magnus to even think of _trying_ to smile. “Please, eat up. You’re worrying me.”

To avoid Magnus’ sad gaze, Alec picks up the spoon on the tray. He’s careful as he lifts the spoon, watching as the steam rises and twirls, noticing Magnus shift out the corner of his eye. Taking a sip from the spoon, Alec’s body seems to tingle, _relieved_ at having food.

But then it pushes back, the taste once sweet now sour on his tongue.

“Is it alright?” Magnus must see the confusion on his face.

“I--,” he looks down, his stomach now growling _against_ eating it. “I think my body is rejecting it.”

“But you sounded hungry, I thought --”

Alec lifts his hand, “No, it’s not you,” placing the spoon back in the bowl, he sighs. “It’s me. I think I’m still adjusting to being back.”

He’s sad, not because he can’t eat any food, but because he’s _wasting_ something Magnus made. However, that doesn’t mean Alec stops there, looking to Magnus with a smile on his face.

“Have _you_ eaten?”

Magnus blinks, “Not yet.”

“C’mon,” he lifts the tray, giving room for Magnus to sit between his legs and eat the food. He’d pat the space next to him, but Alec wants to be close. “Eat. It’ll just go to waste anyway if you say no, and I don’t want that. I’m pissed I can’t eat it because I love your food.”

Alec’s smile warms his heart, and the way he pats the space between his legs again makes Magnus dip his head. He really does miss him, even when they’re only seconds apart.

He _is_ hungry, so --

Climbing up, he sits between his legs, and when he’s comfortable, leaning against Alec’s chest, Magnus gives him the okay to place the tray down on his lap. Alec smiles as Magnus seems to dig in almost immediately.

It doesn’t sink in that Alec is here until he can feel his heartbeat, Alec completely content as he hugs him close, hands resting on Magnus’ waist.

They sit in mutual silence, Alec with his eyes closed as he leans his head on top of Magnus’, almost falling asleep if not for the clink of the spoon against the bowl. Magnus sinks further and further into Alec’s embrace, almost forgetting about the food at one point, wanting to enjoy the feeling of him being back again.

When he finishes, Alec opens his eyes slowly to Magnus placing the tray back onto the bedside cabinet. And when he sits back again, Magnus takes hold of Alec’s hands and looks at them, noticing how the fingers curl into his palm. Alec isn’t using them, so Magnus traces his fingers down the lines in his skin, listening to the telltale signs of a storm brewing outside.

“Alec,” Magnus halts his little movements, leaning back into Alec and looking up at him. “I need to tell you something.”

Alec looks down, letting his hands rest on Magnus’ stomach when he sits up again, turning slightly so he can face him.

“Magnus, you’re worrying me.” the silence doesn’t help the twisting in his stomach.

“I’m going to Edom.”

“E--” Alec loses the word before he can even say it, pain going up his spine as he frowns. _“Edom?_ Magnus, what are you saying?!”

“There’s answers down there, and with those I can prevent this from happening again.”

“You mean my _memories_ are down there,” Alec looks _pissed,_ and this isn’t what Magnus wanted at all. “I already told you I’m fine with not knowing, that I’m focusing on --”

“There won’t be a now if you keep losing! If _we_ keep losing!”

Alec’s frown loosens, watching the emotion unfold in Magnus’ eyes. He’s desperate, _hurting, aching_ to solve the problems the still haunt them. And it’s not just for Alec, but closure for Magnus too, because he’s betting a whole lot on the probability that they knew each other before his fall.

Magnus places a hand against Alec’s chest, looking down to how his scar seems to flicker to life at the contact, “I need to know for _me._ If there’s any chance that I was involved, then I want to know. I’m fine with moving on and never knowing, but I can’t sit here again and watch you slowly fade away. Because as much as I believe in you, this _will_ happen again.”

It seems Alec knows that as he looks down, shoulders slumping as the reality of the truth sinks in. There’s no fighting the future when they don’t have any foundation. They have _some,_ but it’s breaking beneath them, slippery and unreliable. Magnus and Alec have been hanging on by their love alone, the _will_ to love, but the world will eventually crush that.

“Your father, right?”

“Yes,” Magnus nods, turning so he can rest his back against Alec’s chest once more. “If anyone knows, it’ll be him.”

There’s silence, a moment where Magnus thinks Alec is about to snap, to tell him no --

But he settles his hands on his stomach, moving one slowly up and down his torso, “I don’t want you to go.”

“But you know you can’t stop me.”

Alec laughs, pained. “Yeah, I can’t.”

Magnus smiles himself, but it doesn’t last long enough to feel happy. Not when he can feel Alec take a deep breath, exhaling shakily. He’s scared for Magnus.

“And I can’t go with you.”

“No.” he’s too weak, and even if he _did_ go, there’s no knowing what’ll happen if Alec returns down there. Neither of them want to take the risk, especially Magnus.

“You’ve carried my burden all this time, I don’t want you to have to carry my past too.” Alec’s forehead leans onto the back of Magnus’ head, closing his eyes.

“It’s been _our_ burden, Alec. Remember that.”

Even if their deal was a fluke, just a way to get them closer, there’s no denying from that point on that it’s meant so much more. They agreed to help each other, not one more than the other.

And as their bodies relax, the sun setting, sleep slowly begins to claim them both.

“Are you going to be here when I wake up?” Magnus says, content as Alec slowly soothes his hand up and down Magnus’ chest, the warlock leaning into him.

“Are _you?”_ Alec quizzes back, his hand pausing on his stomach.

He doesn’t even know that himself. Neither of them can be certain of what’ll happen when they close their eyes. But one thing _can_ be -- that together, they’ll help each other, guide each other through the dark they’ll see once they fall to slumber. Even then, that’s _if_ they fall asleep.

Closing his eyes, he kisses the back of Magnus’ head, nuzzling into his hair because words are too hard to say. They’re difficult to think of when Alec just wants to completely ignore the outside world right now, to ignore the fact that Magnus is going to _Edom --_

_Literal hell._

“I don’t want you to go, Magnus,” Alec squeezes him tighter, pained at the thought of Magnus suffering just to find answers for Alec. “You’ve suffered enough. _Please,_ promise me.”

_I promise --_

_But not the promise you want, Alec._

“Yeah,” he’s lying, and Alec can tell. “I promise.”

_You don’t. You’re lying to me --_

_Don’t do this._

“Okay,” Alec chokes, and Magnus knows that _he_ knows, but there’s no stopping him. Alec doesn’t have enough strength to physically stop him, and he doesn’t feel like there’s anything he can say that will. “Then I’ll see you when I wake up, right?”

“Right.”

It’s all for nothing.

When Alec wakes up, he’s alone. His hand reaching for the man he loves, but he’s left clutching sheets, pulling them to the point where his muscles bulge, locking up from the pain.

Magnus is long gone, his side of the bed cold, his soul descending and probably burning by now.

 _“You lied to me,”_ he speaks into Magnus’ pillow like he’ll hear him, that if Magnus never comes back, somehow his words will find their way to him. _“You said you wouldn’t, you promised--”_

His wings clutch tight to his back, body straining with the pain that Magnus is somewhere he fears going, a place that if he returns, he doesn’t know what’ll happen. And it hurts, _burns, bleeds_ into his soul that he can’t do anything, left alone to wait like Magnus has for the past month, to hope and pray to any star that still believes in him.

 _“Please, bring him back,”_ Alec wishes to the star that guided him, hoping he hasn’t used up all his luck when he needs it most, _”I love him too much to lose him again.”_

 

\- - - - -

Magnus rises from the flames, magic dancing along his palms, cat eyes shining as he welcomes to sight of the red realm. It’s scorching heat, relentless beasts, endless deserts and canyons reaching for miles upon miles.

He hears them immediately, the screeches of creatures above, judgemental gatekeepers of the realm that begin to swoop down as soon as Magnus stands at full strength. There’s no escaping their impressive wingspan, black in colour and scales resembling silk, but there’s nothing beautiful about these things.

Black eyes watch him as they descend, but Magnus doesn’t look up to greet them. He knows his place here, his status, his _crown_ that will ultimately be his when the time comes. But, he hasn’t been here in centuries, so perhaps the inhabitants have forgotten who he truly is.

As one demon comes up behind him, wings spread, claws open ready to scoop Magnus up, the Prince turns, glaring at the beast with the mark that _demands_ authority here. Screeching in fright, the beast stumbles in it’s flight, crashing to the floor, dust pushed upwards as it rolls.

With his coat moving in the gentle breeze, Magnus simply waits for the creature to look back up from where they rest against the dirt, its many eyes blinking with fear of challenging such a ruler. With one of them fallen, the rest follow like sheep, landing with more grace as they approach with caution, all bowing in welcome of a royal returning home.

Magnus will never call this place _home._

Taking a step forward, Magnus parts the crowd of gathering demons with his very presence, glamour falling over his eyes as he makes his way to Asmodeus.

His _father --_

_A fallen angel._

It doesn’t take long to find it, ruins scattered around for whatever mirror of the past this building represents. Asmodeus has made it his base of operations, and as the glare of a red star burns the realm, the shade is welcome, even though this means Magnus is almost face to face with his father.

Candles decorate various shelves, books scattered and thrown to every corner. Being trapped down here must give someone a lot of free time, especially if time is slightly different down here.

But every step he takes feels heavier, because every step he takes, Magnus is closer to the truth or more questions. He surely hopes his father knows at least _something,_ that when Alec fell, he saw him and witnessed his change. On the other hand, Magnus doesn’t want to believe that those stories are real, in which Alec truly suffered all of that pain and torment to become who he is today.

Magnus will either leave with more questions, or answers to existing ones. Perhaps he’ll leave with a bit of both --

Or he won’t leave at all.

Not knowing what for certain makes him sick to the stomach.

Demons are tricky, manipulative, greedy. They’ll even find a way to win over their own, and Magnus is no exception, Prince or not. That’s not to say _Magnus Bane_ is easy, _gods no._

He’ll bring a storm, a cyclone of fire to fight his enemies. There’s no mistaking his power, his knowledge and bloodline that makes him who he is. Magnus could have angel wings of his own along with his father, but unlike Alec, he never had them, never will. Magnus is in his element here, surrounded by flames to fuel his own, heat to combine with his anger and warp it into physical magical he can _crush_ and _control_ with his very own soul.

Edom is a realm to be feared -- but Magnus is focused, honed on victory, hungry for answers like a wolf starved for weeks. There’s no limit now, no rules to hold him back if the claws let loose --

Edom should be scared of _Magnus._

The corridor comes to an end, opening up to a hall that opens up to the elements, the roof blown off completely. Flags of mismatched colour that bleed into each other fly in the small breeze, tattered and full of holes like an ancient dragon’s wing, the shade it provides shifting as the fabric moves. Demons perch on the various columns that used to hold the structure up, looking down as they swing their tails, wanting to witness the clash of a bloodline that hasn’t blessed this realm in centuries.

Magnus doesn’t cower, and he doesn’t back down from taking steps towards the middle where a grand table stands, books, various scrolls and texts from ages gone placed on the surface. Loose pages flutter in the wind, and the subtle smell of ash and fire linger in the air, which is rather refreshing compared to the stench outside.

Across the room, there he stands -- _Asmodeus._

Book in hand, he mindlessly flips a page, ignoring Magnus even though he sensed his presence upon his arrival. There’s no need for theatrical greetings, declarations of names and fancy talk. Asmodeus isn’t shy to business deals, in fact, he’s a _big fan_ of them.

Why else would Magnus be here?

The thought of his son coming here as a last resort, it makes the greater demon that he is grin with anticipation -- revenge is _sweet._

“Ah, my darling son, a pleasure to finally see you after centuries of not returning my calls or texts.”

He’s dressed in elegant clothing. Straight trousers with not a wrinkle in sight, waistcoat buttoned over a black shirt, buttoned up until the top three where they’re left open. Shiny, pointed black shoes finish his look, and his hair ends just at the bottom of his jaw, sharp and slightly stubbled. A cane is tucked under his arm while he looks at his book, hands decorated with rings flipping page after page, obviously disinterested in whatever he’s reading.

Asmodeus exudes power, _demands_ it in how he stands there, completely unphased by Magnus burning his eyes into the back of him.

Opportunities don’t happen like this every day, and Asmodeus is going to take _every damn second he can._

“Service is terrible down here,” Magnus turns his nose up at the horrid decoration, or the _attempt_ at decorating, “How do you expect me to reply if they never send?”

Asmodeus smirks, closing the book with a _thump,_ dust flying from the edges. He throws it to the side carelessly, turning around and taking a few more steps towards Magnus, the _knock knock knock_ of his cane on the hard obsidian floor loud beneath his words. “I see you have my witty charm, still.”

“This is merely my own. To call you witty and charming would be like signing my own retirement.”

His laughs chills Magnus to the bone, heartless and cold. “Come on then,” Asmodeus gestures with his cane, “Out with it. Why come today of all days to see me?”

“You _know_ why I’m here.”

“Ah,” Asmodeus stops in the middle of the room, next to the table where perhaps the most important scrolls and texts are placed in this horrid, messy room, “I may be powerful beyond words, but I’m not capable of reading my son’s mind. He’s rather -- _stubborn.”_

“I’m not here to make casual conversation. I’m here for answers, and that only.” Magnus stays where he is, watching as Asmodeus moves his fingers against the edge of the table.

“Oh? And here I was hoping you’ve come to your senses.”

“What?” he shouldn’t provoke Asmodeus to keep stringing on his long, winding sentences, but if Magnus is going to get _anything --_ he’ll need to slither like a snake does too.

“About your _love,_ how idiotic and painful it is to see you wasting away, chasing after him like a cat to a butterfly,” leaning against the table, his smirk riles Magnus, blood _fuming_ as he knows this method will be the most painful to endure. “It’s been quite humorous, I must say, but using pigeons as my messengers has not been my smartest move, if I must say.”

The _pigeons, all this time._

Asmodeus, watching over them, watching over _Alec._

 _“You?”_ Magnus begins, taking a step closer as Asmodeus grins brighter, “You sent _pigeons_ to watch over him?”

“Demons glamoured as pigeons. Amazing, isn’t it? Magic truly does mess with the mind.”

Magnus hates him. Hates his slimy smirk, his too proud stance, his calculated words --

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what? A joke?”

“Tell me about Alec,” he fears the words he’s going to say next, or at least _hopes_ Asmodeus doesn’t make him say them, “You know _something,_ because the angels don’t dare touch this realm. You wouldn’t have forgotten.”

“What makes you think I know anything?” the fallen angel simply shrugs his shoulders, looking disinterested.

_Don’t break --_

_Stay strong --_

Magnus mentally _shoves_ his feelings about Alec to the back of his mind, as much as he can until all that’s left is the questions he needs answers for. If he’s not distracted by how much Alec is hurting right now, knowing Magnus lied to him, _knowing_ he left him there while Magnus might not return -- there’s a higher chance of him going back to those arms, the arms he calls home.

“Because why would you send magically glamoured demons as pigeons to watch over someone you know nothing about?”

“Perhaps I’m covering up the fact I use them to watch over you, to keep you safe.”

Magnus scoffs at the idea, “Since when have you cared?”

That seems to snap a twig inside Asmodeus’ stomach, frown becoming sharp as he straightens his stance, “You are my son.”

“By blood,” argues Magnus. “Not anything else. I’ll never call you _father.”_

Asmodeus clicks his cane against the marble floor, the demons above them moving back a little. There’s a thickness to the atmosphere, tensions rising between two powerful beings that were bound to meet again.

“How dare you say that to me when I taught you _everything_ you know --”

“You never taught me how to be _me._ You taught me magic because I had nowhere else to go, and I looked _promising_ to you, to give you power so you can fuel your rotting realm. I was never your son, never will be.”

His eyes flash, and Magnus is aware he’s stepping into puddles he shouldn’t disturb, but he’s here now, and there’s no turning back.

“You come into _my_ home, slander _my_ blood and expect me to help _you?”_ he laughs at how awful that sounds, Asmodeus turning around as Magnus looks on. “Leave at once. You’re wasting your time.”

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what happened,” Magnus takes another step closer, shoulders back as he speaks with confidence, power. “You _owe_ that to me.”

“I owe you nothing.”

“A demon pays his debts,” his voice is gentle now, but it’s not without strength. “And if you really want to be the father you say you are, then you _owe_ this to me, to prove that you _are_ a good man.”

He’s not a good man, never will be -- but Magnus has to work his way into his head somehow, to _trick the trickster,_ so to speak.

Asmodeus halts at that, pondering with the thought of it. Perhaps he’s right, that after the years he spent lying to Magnus about his true intentions, he owes him at least _one_ request. Whether he’ll do it without tricking him back in return, is solely up to how well Magnus reads him.

He’ll have to watch for changes in his posture, his expression, the way he stutters or takes extra care in speaking. This is where all his experience will come in handy, but it doesn’t help how much doubt looms in his chest. Asmodeus will not be easy to fool, and if anyone knows Magnus’ true weaknesses, it’s his father.

And that’s what he fears the most -- the weaknesses he’ll be able to pull directly from Magnus’ heart.

“Hmm,” turning, Asmodeus meets his son once again, cane placed in front of him as both hands hold the top. “Very well.”

_A start, at least --_

_“But,”_ and there it is, the thing he’s been dreading ever since he left Alec’s arms that morning. “I won’t exchange such a high volume of information _without_ something in return.”

Magnus stays silent. Telling him to _name his price_ or _what he’ll need_ is giving in. Asmodeus must come to _him,_ as Magnus won’t allow one ounce of power to trickle it’s way back to Asmodeus. He has to stay in control throughout this entire encounter, otherwise he’ll find himself in trouble, something that he can’t escape from.

He’s tempted to say; _really?_

_Not even just this once, for your own son?_

He looks away, smiling to himself, anger boiling inside his veins as he pokes his tongue at his cheek, “What did I expect from a fallen angel. No wonder they let you fall.”

Asmodeus physically jolts, Magnus being aware that wound is still very much open and bare, and Magnus _dares_ himself to keep rubbing salt in it.

“Is that why you won’t freely talk about Alec? Reminding you of what you too, lost?” his tone mocks him, and Asmodeus summons magic to his palm, very few factors holding him back.

“Accept my deal or lose it.”

“Name your price.”

Silence.

And Asmodeus drags it out, knowing each second that ticks by is another weighing on Magnus’ shoulders. The more time he spends down here, the more he’ll feel trapped, lost between right and wrong as he searches through the dust for a single answer.

“An _I owe you.”_

_Bastard. He’s flipping what I said against me --_

_I’ll never know what he wants until he asks for it._

“No.”

“Hmm, are you sure? My other requests may become worse the more you deny.” he taps his cane, sounding like a countdown that pins Magnus closer and closer to a wall where he’ll have to make a choice.

What could he possibly take from him? What more damage could he do that he hasn’t already felt?

“Deal.” Magnus can’t show hesitation, no matter how much it fears him that he’s probably just sold something away that he deeply cares about. Or possibly something in the future, something Asmodeus knows about, or he can accurately guess with confidence that it _will._

He’s lost that control he had, even if it was a slither.

A slither is more than _nothing at all._

This time, a deal with the devil won’t end in falling in love. This deal is _final,_ because every demon collects his debts.

Alec wasn’t a demon to begin with. Just because his blood labels him as that, doesn’t mean he follows their code.

“I’m happy you do,” Asmodeus grins, his mood accelerating to one of joy, knowing he has a single power over Magnus to use as he pleases. “Now, my knowledge is yours, for everything you want to know about your dear _demon.”_

This is it, what he’s down here for -- _answers._

“But, I should probably correct you, first,” turning to the table, Asmodeus pushes out a scroll, leaning over as he looks over the text. Magnus isn’t sure if the context of that scroll is about Alec, or he’s simply using it look like he knows something. “Your Alec has a longer name. Alec is simply a shortened version.”

“If his name is the only thing he remembered from his past life, why only the shortened version?”

“I presume it was used more frequently than his full name. If it became normal for him to be called Alec instead of the full, then that may have changed the outcome.”

Makes sense, but Magnus is still taking everything he says with a pinch of salt. Even though demons are tricksters, some do live up to their deals, giving complete _customer satisfaction_ so the chances of them making another is much higher than a demon who tricked them. It’s all mind games, but for some reason, Magnus feels that Asmodeus isn’t even _trying_ to play one.

Perhaps he wants to tell the truth.

And maybe, just _maybe,_ he still does care for Magnus.

“His full name is Alexander. I suppose you know the rest from what my messengers have been telling me. Your friends are rather smart, smarter than I originally thought they’d end up being.”

“Continue.”

For a moment, Asmodeus eyes him, seeing if there’s any sign of Magnus breaking, becoming _desperate --_ but nothing.

“It’s true what they say about his fall. He fell from the heavens, to put it lightly, and he ended up here, impaled by the sword. I can’t give you an accurate time, because it’s different down here, but it wasn’t years or months. For him, though, it must have felt like years.”

“You were there?” Magnus almost chokes on his words, a mental punch to his heart making him take a moment to process that.

Alec’s pain, his fall, the suffering he went through -- it was all real.

“I wasn’t there, no, but the realm felt different while he was here. It’s not every day a Shadowhunter ends up here, especially not with one of the instruments. I thought they’d finally lost their minds to give away such an object, but when I felt the energy coming from it, I knew why.”

Energy? _What energy?_

Magnus stays quiet, letting Asmodeus speak his memories incase Magnus interrupting sparks a chance for him to twist them.

“I wouldn’t say he suffered. _Well,_ he did, but not in as much pain as the stories tell you.”

“But you just said he fell, and that the stories are true about _how_ he fell.”

“Ah, yes,” Asmodeus stands back up, snapping his finger to summon a slim book to his hand. “But I have the real, original copy. My job is to record what happens in the realm, and Alec is surely going to change _a lot_ of your future as well as mine.”

Looking from the book to Asmodeus, Magnus walks forward, standing at the other end of the table to where Asmodeus stands.

“And I suppose you’re not going to give me that book.”

“Hmm, I guess I owe Alec a copy,” he summons another, leaving it on the table for now. Asmodeus wants to explain what happened _himself._ “It _is_ his story after all.”

It looks like he’s about to move on and explain, but his smirk tells a different thing entirely.

“Oh, I may be mistaken about that,” he flicks his gaze up from the book, to Magnus, “It’s also _yours.”_

Asmodeus doesn’t need to tell him twice.

Alec knew Magnus before --

Magnus knew Alec before --

They already feel that in their hearts when they smile at each other, when they touch, when they wake in each other’s arms -- but to hear it feels like a monumental weight lifting from his soul, a bird spreading its wings and taking flight for the first time in years.

“Why do you think I’m so interested in that demon? Not only is he a fallen angel, but you’re involved just as much as he is with what happened to him.”

His heart sinks.

_What did I do to Alec?_

It’s his first thought, and from the way Asmodeus’ face turns solemn, he knows Magnus must look absolutely _distraught_ at what he said. He may be the living personification of evil, but that man standing there is still his son, and Asmodeus has always wanted to apologise for those years he lied.

“The reason he didn’t suffer, is because he was already gone,”

_No --_

“When he fell, Alec had already left you, and the world he left behind was already burning,”

_No, you’re lying --_

“He sacrificed himself to save you and the Downworld. He was a leader, a man who led with both head and heart.”

_I wouldn’t have let him do that --_

_No one would do that, not for me --_

“Stop,” Magnus cuts him off, the backs of his eyes burning with the will to cry, but he holds back, knowing he can’t break. He can’t mourn here, “Give me that book.”

Asmodeus slides the copy across the table, and Magnus stutters.

He can’t pick it up. What if it’s true? What if he lost Alec’s heart once?

“Read as you will, but everything I say will be the same as in there.”

Magnus still hasn’t picked up the book, and he doesn’t think he ever will. He simply stares at the cover, the red stitching binding a maroon cover. There’s a title stitched into it like a proper book, a title for the event that changed two lives and the world around them.

_THE DEVIL’S SWORDSMAN_

“Now you know where his name comes from.”

“This book?” Magnus points with his finger to the cover, almost as if he’s defying the truth of that. “It’s simply a title made up for him by the angels.”

“It is, but for a reason,” Asmodeus lifts his hand, clicking a thumb and forefinger together, almost exact to how Magnus does it, but with less overall finesse. “You can read it yourself.”

When the pages settle, Magnus takes a step forward, hands reaching for the paper and halting just before he touches it. It’s an illustration of Magnus and Alec, one that tells everything, a story told in the very lines of the pen it’s drawn in.

Alec is kneeling, his wings inked blue, large in size as they reach out to the edges of the page. He’s drawn on the right page of the two open to Magnus, and this is the exact picture he’s been shown before of his portrayal. But in this one, he’s not broken. Alec is alive, head raised to look at the figure on the left page --

Magnus is there on the left, a crown made of flames on his head, demonic wings sprouting from his back, a cape falling from his shoulders. He’s depicted as a _king_ here, a _ruler._

And Alec, how he’s _kneeling, understanding_ of Magnus’ position -- the words _Devil’s Swordsman_ snap into place.

“He is _your_ Swordsman,” Asmodeus speaks after giving Magnus the time to take it all in. “Your own personal fallen angel to help you rule Edom. A warrior of both angel and demon, your eternal lover to rule by your side.”

_This can’t be real, it can’t be --_

_He’d never let someone become this --_

“This -- it doesn’t make sense. How is this _true?”_ tempted to search through the book and find every answer himself, Magnus reluctantly gives his attention to Asmodeus, his expression shockingly vod of emotion.

“Valentine Morgenstern -- who I assume you know -- had possession of the Soul Sword and the help of the Institute’s angelic core to activate it. Alec originally ordered you to stay away, but with the Soul Sword, Valentine would’ve accomplished his mission no matter how many walls lay between,” Asmodeus is calm as he talks, and Magnus can see that he’s telling the truth. “So, you went to help, and when you met with Alec, you split ways to help evacuate other Downworlders such as little warlock called Madzie.”

“Madzie?” he repeats, and Asmodeus nods.

“Mmm. You helped rescue her while Alec fought through Valentine’s new Shadowhunter soldiers, one by one until he reached the core. There are no arrows left in his quiver, and he’s aware that even if he has arrows, the Soul Sword would still activate even if Valentine fell. So he ran towards Valentine, blinded by his thoughts of saving the Downworld, fulfilling his duty, to protect _you,”_

_No, no no no no --_

“And Valentine saw him coming. The Soul Sword activated as Valentine turned, and Alec met his end,”

Magnus hears something break.

It’s his heart. Falling, shattering, crushed under the image as it plays inside his head.

“You entered the room mere seconds after it happened, and the world changed. The angels feared you from that moment on, and their fear is what led to them banishing Alec, erasing a timeline that would’ve made the world above us turn into Edom.”

Asmodeus doesn’t want to do this, but to explain it properly, he must.

He flicks the page with his magic, Magnus not looking down until Asmodeus seems to be staying silent until he _does_ look.

And when Magnus does, his knees almost give way, his heart turning to ash, his lungs caving in with concrete that burns with the agony of broken bones --

He’s holding Alec in his arms, crying into his chest as flames surround them, The Soul Sword through Alec’s chest directly where that scar is.

“You swore revenge on the angels for what they’d done. The Institute turned to ash by the time the angels made up their mind. They erased memories, repaired the damages -- and Alec was banished from the heavens.”

_“Why?”_

_He did nothing but save me --_

“It’s a combination. For one, the angels couldn’t stop you. There’s no stopping a demon mourning for a lost love, especially one with human emotions like us. With Alec choosing to love you, to try and change laws that have kept the world at peace, they labelled him as a traitor, a catalyst for _your_ hatred. They didn’t see him as a hero, but a man who chose a Downworlder. And to stop history repeating itself, they split you two apart, because they know love is the strongest emotion a soul can feel.”

Especially true love.

A love so deep that it _binds_ souls together between timelines, realities and stars millions of lightyears away.

Magnus doesn’t know what to feel when he says that, nor does he know what to think. He finally understands what happened to Alec, to _them_ \-- and as Asmodeus tells him more and more, he wishes he never did. Memories are always hard to swallow, especially ones with such heavy emotion and heart behind them, but Magnus didn’t expect _this_ much.

“But, I don’t think he _did_ die,” Asmodeus stares at his own copy of the book, then after a few seconds, looks up to Magnus. “You saved him.”

“Why tell me different now?” his words have lost their strength, but they hold something even more powerful now -- _the will to make himself understand._

Asmodeus can see how much he’s shaking, how much this is _truly_ hurting him.

“I am telling you the truth. Isn’t that what you requested?”

 _Yes,_ Magnus thinks, looking back down to the image of Alec fading in his arms.

“You tried to save him with your magic, pushing yourself to the end of your tether. The Soul Sword activated, but it didn’t do anything, the power circling Alec’s body and soul, which is what stopped it from reaching the Downworlders -- but it was _you_ who saved him.”

“How? He still fell, he still became a _demon --”_

“When you poured every ounce of your magic, his soul held onto that, used it to heal. And your magic stayed, mixed with the Soul Sword’s power running through Alec’s veins, kickstarting the transformation to link him to the object.”

Before Asmodeus finishes the rest, it clicks with Magnus almost immediately --

That’s why they felt so normal together. Magnus’ magic has guided him back this whole time.

 _“That’s_ why the angels couldn’t rid of him completely. Your magic held on, and instead of perishing in Edom like they thought he would, your magic shielded him, _forged_ him into the man he is.”

But then, that means Magnus caused his pain, made him hold on just so he selfishly didn’t lose him. Somehow, his thoughts are wrong, because it’s the complete opposite.

“To prevent the chances of you two meeting and forging another bond, they created that pain inside his head as he fell. Their idea was to give him enough fuel to burn with hatred, and if he ever found out that it was you who gave him that extra life, that _you_ made him endure those flames -- the bond would never be whole again. He’d hate you, and their whole plan would’ve worked.”

Asmodeus clicks his fingers again, turning the page of the book to the one after Magnus’ mourning.

There’s more story, written words as well as images. Right now, it’s easier for Magnus to process the image instead of understanding words, his brain working twice it’s normal speed as it builds scenes, blocks out emotion.

Alec’s falling here, but his wings aren’t broken or useless. They’re blue like they are now, not white, spread out to aid his descent, and his chest glows with the warmth of Magnus’ magic.

“That whole story about his wings being useless? Made up by the angels too. It was your magic who gave him the wings, to _pull_ what was hidden out to the surface. Every lie they made was to make you look like the villian, but Alec couldn’t even remember you. It was a safety net, more than anything.”

Magnus was the one to save Alec from completely losing his life.

Magnus was the one to give him wings, aiding his fall to Edom.

Magnus’ magic transformed him into the _Swordsman -- Magnus’ Swordsman._

He saved him from becoming a forgotten name, all because he fell in love with whom they didn’t agree.

“You told me everything.” Magnus’ voice doesn’t show any sign of the shock he feels, the punch to the face of knowing what truly happened and the lies that covered it all up.

“Everything vital. The rest is in that book.”

Picking up his copy, Magnus closes it, moving his fingers over the cover. Seeing Alec’s demonic nickname labelled as the cover, he originally thought Alec did all this on his own, but it’s Magnus’ story just as much as Alec’s. There’s some hope to find in that, that Alec wasn’t alone and Magnus saved him, to give him a second chance.

If Alec doesn’t accept who he is -- _what_ he is -- there’s no telling how he’ll react to this. Surely, he’s thankful for a second chance at love, but will it all be in vain because of the pain he’s been through? The memories he’s forgotten?

“I suppose I should come clean about something else as well.” he takes a white feather from his copy of the book, and Magnus can tell it’s angelic from the small glow emitting from it.

“You have a feather from his wings? But they’re blue in the book --”

“Well, yes. When they’re not connected to him, they aren’t influenced by your magic, and so return to their natural state.”

_His wings are still angelic --_

“It contains his final moments,” Asmodeus moves his hand over the feather, a glass bottle forming around it, a cork pushed into the opening to keep it sealed. “And that’s how I know what happened to him. His old wings burned in the flames, because your magic concentrated on healing him, fighting against Edom and making sure he didn’t lose himself completely. Therefore, he had to lose things such as his wings. I managed to salvage a feather before it was lost forever.”

But Alec’s wings have grown again, body continuing to heal, staying _alive_ because of Magnus’ magic.

“And it also allowed me to take possession of him,” the gentle atmosphere is cut with a knife as Magnus’ glamour burns away.

_“You --”_

_“Now now,_ don’t get feisty,” Asmodeus places the clear bottle on the table, rolling it towards Magnus so he can take hold of it. “This doesn’t belong to me, and I’ve already made use of it.”

“Why did you posses him?” Magnus won’t let this slide, especially not as he takes the bottle, keeping his glare towards the fallen angel.

He seems to ponder about something, debating if he should answer. Asmodeus doesn’t have many weaknesses, if _any --_ but there’s always been one.

“The reason this all happened is because the world was going to split in two, and your love for Alec is dangerous. I wanted to make sure that Alec has control, that he knows how to use the powers you’ve given him. Using words that I knew would hurt you, it forced you to use your magic on him, and because your magic is what holds him in his body, it pushed him back.”

 _Asmodeus_ was the reason. _He_ caused all this pain, all this suffering just to prove whatever he was thinking at the time.

“I was aware the bow would make him vulnerable, and that’s when I made contact. If he made it out of that void, I knew there was no stopping you two, because to be in there as long as he has, it would destroy a mortal man. Alec is no mortal, not anymore.”

“You made him suffer for your little _game?”_

_“I wanted to make sure you were safe!”_

Realising what he’s just said, Asmodeus looks away, brushing down his waistcoat in a delicate silence. Magnus is lost for words, jaw slack as he tries to read what Asmodeus is thinking.

He cares? He cares about _Magnus?_

“You’re _lying.”_

“There’s no way you’ll trust me, but you are still my _son,_ and that angel was making you weak, vulnerable. When those clouds opened and he came falling down, I knew you’d done something to change the world. That’s what you do, you shake the very ground you walk on to make things right.” looking down to the original book, he grits his teeth, pushing it to the side slightly.

Soon enough, he hears the bottle roll back over to him, the feather still inside. Asmodeus simply looks up at Magnus, questioning him with the raise of a brow.

“I’m giving that back to you on the terms you no longer follow Alec, nor me.”

“I just told you I have no use for it,” the way Magnus keeps his gaze stern, there’s something else up his sleeve. He won’t fall for it yet though, because he has to _say it._ “Sometimes your confidence makes you trip.”

“You’re a fallen angel, and if I know anything about them, it’s that they have an attachment to their wings. This reminds you of yours.” he’s right, and Magnus _knows_ he is.

Asmodeus glances over the feather like it’s part of him, part of what he _was_ but failed to be. From how Magnus saw Alec afraid of losing them, he learned how delicate they can be and feel like part of their soul. If Asmodeus keeps this feather, he can pretend it’s his.

He seems to know Magnus’ intentions, as he nods, accepting the bottle back, walking to place it on one of the many shelves he has placed around the room.

“What you have with that fallen angel, it’s powerful enough to change things,” he remains looking at it for a moment, the glow being the only thing that isn’t warped or poisoned by the red of Edom. “And if anyone is going to rule this realm after me, or to change what happens up there, it’ll be you -- I knew that the moment I met you, and now still.”

Admitting Magnus is going to be stronger than Asmodeus in the future? He certainly didn’t expect that, but it’s not like he’ll deny it himself. Magnus has always tried to be a better person, to help people when they’re in need, and Alec has been another disguised as a lost lover. With the power the two of them have now, they’ll be able to do anything as long as the world allows them.

Magnus smiles, because even without all the power they have, they have _each other --_ and that alone is enough. They’re both good people, Alec fighting through demonic blood to be more of an angel than he was before, and Magnus is still the man he promised to be all those years ago. He’s strong now, they’re _both_ stronger, but strip it all back and they still have the love in their hearts, the will to change the world.

“When will I know your deal?” Magnus brings that conversation back, hoping there’s some clarity.

“You’ll know,” is all he says, along with a little smile. “You’re smart enough to figure it out when the time comes.”

He’s done here. It’s time to go back and decide if telling Alec will be good for him. But as he turns, book in his hands, he can’t push away the thought of wanting to say goodbye. Despite the evil he is, he’s still his father, a nagging _bug_ inside of him wanting to try and change him.

So, he speaks with his back turned to Asmodeus, tone neutral, ending their interaction with a single word.

“Goodbye.”

He didn’t think he’d say that, but as soon as he does, he feels changed. There’s this breeze inside his mind, a door opening, an opportunity for the future. Magnus doesn’t waste anymore time standing there, the book in his hand as he makes his way back to the portal.

Asmodeus watches as he leaves, smiling as he disappears from sight. It’s not evil, demonic or sickening -- it’s a genuine smile.

“You’ve already done what I’ve asked, my son.”

Magnus Bane has the power to change people, more so than he realises himself.

 

_\- - - - -_

He can still feel Edom’s dust on his skin, the heavy weight of the heat fading as the neutral temperature of his apartment settles in. He didn’t stay any longer after he found out what happened, getting the information he needed to move on and portal himself out.

But the fire doesn’t burn any less than it did the first time, if anything, it burns more. With Alec’s memories, his cries, his loss deep in his heart -- every flicker of that flame feels more intense than the last until it snuffs itself out. Edom is far beneath him now, locked away with magic and key, yet he feels like the shadows of that place still haunt him as he stands there.

His feet kick the ash, breaking the portal so no one else can use it. A thumb and forefinger click later, and the ash disappears completely, leaving the answers locked away in Edom and one warlock’s heavy heart. Placing the book down on his desk, he lingers, staring at it before moving on.

Removing his red coat, Magnus’ sigh is heavy, fingers slow as they work buttons. He’s drained, emotionally and physically, for a moment debating if he’s in a state to see Alec asleep and weak. That very small moment of him being awake, talking freely but not breathing easy, barely a fraction of the strength he had before, it broke Magnus so bad he never realised it himself. He can’t mentally prepare for all that pain, especially now he’s fully aware of what happened.

Those memories, where he held Alec as he lost him, they’ll haunt him for what he knows will be centuries. Even more so if Alec never returns to full strength.

Standing there, placing his coat over one of the lounge chairs, he stretches his arms behind him, frowning. He’s tempted to fall asleep himself, to sneak in next to Alec and hope he wakes up to those hazel eyes, to his rough morning voice, to pretend like none of this was real.

Because that’s what he hopes this is; a really long nightmare, a painfully _real_ and _horrifying_ nightmare. With the knowledge that Alec has nightmares himself, almost constant, Magnus fears how agonising his battle is when he’s gone to not sleep by his side, to face his fears over and over when demons are never meant to have any in the first place.

He takes a few steps to his drink cart, momentarily reminded of their deal, where Alec sat on the arm of his couch. That’s when he struggled to call himself human, a time where Alec didn’t believe in happy endings and just excuses. Excuses such as running away, hiding, jumping in and out of danger like it’s a job. Magnus doesn’t see that as a life, and somewhere inside Alec, he believed that too after he met Magnus. He’s always been the reason he sees differently, because no one else has given Alec the _chance_ to see differently.

As Magnus unscrews the lid of the whisky bottle, he takes a quick sip directly from the bottle. Class be damned.

Silence has never been so devastating, and for a small moment he wishes he was back in Edom, where the dust storms and screeching of creatures above don’t leave him alone to his thoughts.

He knew Alec before.

He loved him, and he lost him.

Alexander Gideon Lightwood, previous Head of the New York Institute, sacrificed his life so Magnus and the Downworld didn’t burn to the ground.

And Magnus, High Warlock of Brooklyn, filled with enough rage to rival a dragon, unleashed hell on the Institute, destroying it and turning to dust as the world began to change, _reality_ beginning to change. He honestly thought the heavens didn’t have that power, nor the effort, but having the biggest bruise to their ego obviously did something.

The threat of Magnus, too, raining fire from the sky and making what sounds to be another Edom. Asmodeus is right, that love is powerful yet dangerous. It was dangerous then, and still is, if Magnus has anything to say about it.

His phone vibrates in his pocket, Magnus fishing it out when he places the whisky bottle down on the cart again. Two old and the most recent one just now.

 

**_CATARINA_ **

_[Magnus? Where are you?]_

_[Please don’t tell me you’ve gone to Edom, please.]_

_[Magnus, please ring me when you’re back. I’m worried about you. Stop trying to save him on your own.]_

 

Ah, Catarina. Trust that lovely lady to figure it out.

_[I’m fine darling. I just need a moment to sort some things out.]_

Magnus hasn’t even told her about Alec waking up. No one knows except him, and he wants to keep it that way until their hearts settle.

One thing does bother him though, is how she knew _exactly_ where he was going. He never told her, and she wouldn’t be able to track him down there, so someone must have told him. Magnus hasn’t told anyone, only --

_Alec._

_Surely not._

But he _is_ awake now, aware Magnus was going just before he _lied._

Placing his phone back in his pocket, he raises one hand, fingers moving slowly outwards as his magic sparks over his palm. His wards will be able to detect something different, and as feedback comes back to the warlock, the golden eyes hidden by a glamour break through that magical glass. Now, he can see remnants of noise, and with that, he looks for the pulsing red of a heartbeat in his room down the hall.

There’s nothing there, at least not until he walks towards the kitchen, a slow and steady flash of red becoming bolder. Passing the wall so he can see into the main kitchen, Magnus’ glamour returns, magic simmering in his palm.

Magnus can see the balcony doors wide open, curtains blowing gently in the breeze, dusk bringing colours of warm reds and purples, painting them across the tiles of his kitchen. Finally taking those last few steps towards the doors, he doesn’t give himself chance to believe it’s Alec to save his disappointment.

Maybe things are looking up, because it _is_ Alec, standing there on the balcony as he leans against the stairs of the fire escape. He looks _distant,_ almost, and Magnus finds himself halting at the threshold between his apartment and the balcony floor.

Alec thumbs into his palm, sensations like ants crawling over his skin becoming constant. He’s not sure what he feels, and he’s not sure what day it is. Frankly, he finds himself not wanting to understand anymore, because every time he does -- _this shit happens._ It’s as if the world is laughing at him, watching every moment and waiting for that short smile he gives Magnus, and only then will the world come crumbling down. Like if he’s hanging on the edge of a cliff, about to pull himself up, someone or something will be there to stand on his fingers.

There’s enough evidence in the apartment for Alec to slowly piece together a story of what happened, and what he found only confirmed his original thoughts.

Magnus worked blood and bone to find a way to wake him up, Alec fighting through the corridors in his head, reliving nightmares to find his way home. While he was asleep, time went by in seconds, and compared to the month and two weeks of him being under, to Alec it felt like an hour.

Alec can sense Magnus is there, but he keeps staring at the sun setting, collecting those last few minutes of warmth before another day ventures to night. Will Magnus own up to it? Will he tell Alec why there’s an _Edom_ portal in the apartment he’s recovering in? Why did he go to Edom when he _promised_ he wouldn’t?

“Alec,” Magnus is the one to start speaking first, it seems, and Alec’s jaw tenses when he hears his name, “How are you feeling?”

“How am I feeling?” replies Alec, struggling to speak with such a dry throat, but he can’t seem to drink or eat anything without bringing it back up.

Seconds pass, and Magnus waits for Alec to finish, but he never does, leaving it as a question in Magnus’ hands.

“Alec,” taking a step closer, Magnus watches the moment Alec’s hand clenches to a fist, looking his way like he doesn’t want him any closer. “I can explain, but please, talk to me first.”

The way Alec looks at him, almost lost, afraid. He’s scared he’ll lose control again, even though he’s aware his body can’t take another loss, feeling every joint and fibre of his body cry in agony, exhaustion. Alec has been asleep for almost two days, but he doesn’t feel any stronger. If anything, he’s more mentally exhausted and defeated than when he lost control on Christmas Day.

Still nothing from Alec, though, as he looks away to the streets of Brooklyn below.

“I need to know you’re okay.” Magnus speaks again, concern woven into his words, giving the demon his undivided attention.

“I’m as fine as someone can be after suffering through nightmares that feel real over and over again. I heard you cry over me, your anger towards your friends because you can’t decide between right and wrong. I wake up to see you studying and trying to help me, and when you sent me back to sleep, I hoped I’d wake up and you’d be there.”

 _Shit._ Magnus knows what’s coming.

“But I wake up, and the apartment is empty.”

“I--,”

“And then I sense this dark magic, a magic I’ve being trying to fight for as long as I can remember,” Alec stands up from where he leans against the fire escape, staring straight at Magnus. “A few rooms away from where I’m trying to become stronger again, to fight for _us,_ there’s a _fucking portal to Edom!”_

Alec can’t even sound angry, because his words come out broken, and he knows how silly he sounds, but _everything hurts._ He feels he needs to let it out before it takes hold of him, makes him weak again for another demon to control him, to ruin all his progress _again._

Magnus takes a few steps closer again, listening to the heaving sounds of Alec’s breathing, summoning a glass of water on the balcony wall near Alec. He hears the fizz of the magic, looking to the glass and closing his eyes for a moment.

“Shit,” Alec sighs, bringing a hand to his face and leaning back against the escape again, taking the glass and bringing it to his lips, taking a much needed gulp. When he lowers it again, he stares at the bottom of the glass, scared to look at Magnus, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t talk like that to you.”

“Understandable,” he smiles, but Alec doesn’t. Not even a glance to him. “But, I still need to know, how does it feel? Anything that’s worrying you?”

“I feel like shit,” finally, he starts confessing, “I don’t even know what day it is, or how long I’ve been under.”

“By now, a month and a bit.” That information makes Alec look up, his expression turning regretful when he finally makes eye contact with Magnus.

“I’ve been making everyone suffer for almost two months,” smiling sarcastically, he shakes his head, “How typical of a demon.”

“Alec, we weren’t going to let you suffer. _I_ wasn’t going to let you suffer.” Another step, but this time Alec doesn’t react.

“You’d even go to Edom, then?” Alec frowns, loosening when Magnus’ expression becomes _blank,_ looking to the balcony floor.

He’s hiding something, and Alec can see from the way his body posture blocks the demon from reading him. Magnus sighs, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together, trying to take his mind off the way Alec continues to bore into him with those hazel eyes that should melt his heart instead of freeze it.

“Why won’t you be clean with me, Magnus? I know I’m not healthy right now, but there’s no need to hide your pain.”

Still nothing, making Alec place the glass down on the balcony wall and take a step towards Magnus himself.

“What are you protecting me from? Why did you go to _Edom?”_ and then his voice breaks, “Why did you _lie_ to me?”

He’s about to speak again when Magnus finally manages to say something, something Alec never expected to hear -- _ever._

“I know what happened to you.”

_Silence._

A dread begins to lift itself, heavy in Magnus’ hands as he holds it there like something Alec is meant to accept. But he can’t, not when his entire life has been running from who he was before, trying to be better, _trying_ to make a new life.

It seems not even a demon can run from their own sins.

Alec says nothing, standing there with his lips parted, eyes not moving from where Magnus looks back at him.

“Asmodeus, my father, he told me everything.”

“When did you go?” Alec knows it was recent, but he just wants to _hear_ it, and he doesn’t know why.

“Go?”

“Down there,” for a moment, Alec looks away, the name already dry and heavy on his tongue, “Edom.”

“I--,” Magnus bites his bottom lip, looking down, not being able to take the guilt stricken on Alec’s face. “I just got back.”

Bringing his hands up to his face, Alec gently moves his thumb like time and time before, familiar. The way his eyes never leave his, how they create this sense of peace when his heart is otherwise in turmoil, emotions weighing heavily on how it moves.

“Why?”

He brings his head back up, brushing their noses together as Magnus breathes in the cool night air.

“I’m tired. I’m tired of _losing_ you, Alec. I needed to know, I wanted to try and see if there’s a way to stop this,” he grabs a fistful of Alec’s shirt, almost like he’s physically holding himself back from punching a wall, “I know what you did, what we were, who _you_ were. I -- I needed to know before I made a decision I could have regretted for the rest of my _life.”_

Alec draws a conclusion quickly, closing his eyes as he just listens.

He needs to listen, not for himself, but for Magnus.

“I can’t believe how much of an _idiot_ you are,” Magnus grits his teeth as he talks, pushing his hand into Alec’s chest, “How stupid and _reckless--”_

“Magnus--”

“You -- you did it when I told you not too, and if you listened to me you would have - _we_ \- would have--”

 _“Magnus.”_ Alec takes hold of his shoulders as Magnus pulls at his shirt.

Placing a hand against the demon’s heart, Magnus _breaks,_ crying like he hasn’t in years, as if he’s mourning a loss. In fact, he’s remembering what happened all over again, _feeling_ it quiver his soul, rattle his bones and burn his skin.

Magnus speaks into his navy shirt, but Alec can hear him loud and clear, hugging him close and kissing the top of his head.

“I loved you,” he speaks it like a fact, and it is. Hearing it makes Alec’s previous belief of it solidify quicker than he can say it back, “I loved you and I _lost_ you.”

“So we were right.” Alec breathes in that familiar shampoo, trying to ground the shaky legs he stands on.

“Yeah,” his reply shakes, a mix between an exhale and a sob, “Yeah we were.”

Pulling away from the hug, Magnus flattens where he has been pulling at the shirt, smoothing a hand gently over his chest. Everything, from the kisses to the smiles, from the laughs and the declarations of wanting to be together, they’ve all done it before.

That’s why his voice sounded so safe to him on that night they made the deal, because of how much it reminded Alec of before, what he _held on to_ from before. Then the small gifts, the cheeky smile and jokes when he cooks, that’s all Alec too, from the way he jokes about tuna and hugs Magnus from behind.

And then Alec himself, his idiotic, heroic and _world shattering_ decision that cost them their happy ending.

“Do you want to know?”

“Do I want to know?” Alec repeats, but he says it more hollow than Magnus.

“I’m giving you a choice.”

“What did he do?”

“Who do you mean?” Magnus looks up to him after what feels like hours, now seeing the war or red and hazel in his eyes. Emotions are ripping him apart, clawing at the seams of whatever stability he had after he finally woke up from that deep and lonely slumber.

“Asmodeus,” he takes a moment to pause, letting Magnus put two and two together before Alec can say it, “Why did he let you remember? What did you exchange --”

 _“Nothing,_ Alec.” For a moment, the greater demon doesn’t believe him, and he frowns slightly.

“No demon gives back without something in return.”

“I owe him a favour. That’s all.” He can feel Alec’s fingers grip his shoulders tighter, only for a moment, and then he lets go, walking away to the wall of the balcony again.

“Why did you do this? I told you I’ve moved on, that I can live without knowing, Magnus. I’m _tired_ of trying to remember.”

Magnus feels as if his ability to smile is completely lost.

Is he going to walk out now when he’s so close from the truth? But Magnus thought wrong, and if he’s being honest, he has been that way since the start.

Alec was never a demon running from problems, he was _running back to Magnus_ \-- but neither of them knew it.

“I’m tired of running. I’m tired of feeling sorry for who I am. I’m so _conflicted_ between right and wrong that I can’t see it anymore, and it leaves me clutching at strings to make things feel complete, like I can’t make sense of it all.” Alec turns to Magnus, finally making eye contact again.

Something snaps.

But Magnus wouldn’t call it that. If anything, something _heals, moulds_ back into place like it did once before.

Alec looks at him with this longing he's seen time and time before, hazel searching brown, _wanting_ to find a copy of what he feels himself inside Magnus. And it’s there, bright as day, as he starts taking slow steps forward, arms still by his sides.

“I know what I am, and I know my life can change in seconds. I’m--,” he takes a moment to compose himself before continuing, “I’m a demon, nothing can change that. Spells, potions, whatever -- it can’t change who I am and I have to accept that.”

“Why haven’t you?” The warlock replies, standing three steps away now.

Thinking the answer is easy, Alec goes to speak it, but no words follow. He’s been in denial for as long as he can remember, searching for moments that define his humanity away from his blood. Magnus never mentioned it because it would mean taking away what little happiness he could find in himself.

“Because of you.” He says it like a fact, but if Magnus wasn’t paying close attention, he probably wouldn’t have heard him speak, tone low and mixed with a shocking conclusion.

“What -- what do you mean?” This is Alec’s chance to let it all out, to speak freely while his body still feels the pain of the past month of hearing life go on around him, but not being there to live _with_ them.

“I never saw a reason too. You made me feel accepted, and when I spent hours with you talking, or when I see the bliss and love on your face after I kiss you,” Alec wipes the tear on his cheek away, sniffing as he tries to hold his emotions back, “I want that with you, for as long as I can, for as long as this _god awful_ excuse of a world will let me. All that pain I felt, everything that tried to bring me down, you lifted me back up, and time and time again you still do.”

Alec takes a step forward now, reaching for Magnus’ hand, gently hooking his index finger around his lover’s left thumb.

“When I was in that bed, I could hear you, I could feel you when you held my hand. I remember being angry at you because you stayed up so late talking to me when I could hear how tired you were from your voice. I felt those kisses you gave me, the ones on my head and my cheek, and I can still feel them on my knuckles when you -- you _begged_ me to wake up.”

Magnus feels relief when Alec takes hold of him again, but this time it’s different.

Alec’s fingers trace his features gently, remembering them like code is being written in his fingertips. And then he closes his eyes, bumping their foreheads together.

“I don’t want to remember,” he finally gives his answer, “Because this whole journey has taught me the importance of life, how it can change in a matter of seconds. But you, Magnus, are the one thing that hasn’t. You’ve followed me and we’ve found each other again when we were ripped at the seams.”

Alec’s wings move behind him, lifting themselves up and not dragging along the floor anymore.

“I’ve spent what feels like years wishing to go back, to understand what I did,” Alec opens his eyes to see Magnus already looking back, tears of pain falling down his soft cheeks. He knows everything, yet Alec knows none of it and somehow feels the same pain. “I’m not ready to let this all go, not when I won’t be able to change what I was before.”

“I--,”

“Magnus, I’m sorry you have to live with the burden of what I did, what I did to _hurt_ us. But I don’t -- I don’t know how to deal with it. Will it change me? Make me weak and leave me open again? I can’t risk that Magnus, I can’t lose you again--”

“You _died,_ Alexander.” It feels like a bullet, launching through the air and striking through them both.

_Magnus, I have to save him --_

A pain strikes through Alec’s chest, something that drives his lungs to stop, to halt as Alec chokes on a breath. The Swordsman scar glows red, a continuing flicker of pain as it reaches out through his nerves, the shock of his past warping through muscle and bone as it claims him again.

Magnus can see how he frowns, how one of his hands moves to grip at his own shirt in pain, directly over the scar as it glows through the fabric.

_I have to do something --_

An old voice fills his head, and it’s Alec, _himself._ The Alec from before, breathing heavily as he tries to calculate, tries to find another way.

_I don’t have time --_

The Alec of present cries out, falling to his knees in agony, the pulse of the Swordsman scar growing more and more potent.

When Magnus speaks Alec’s full name, it feels like his past slaps him in the face. That used to be their thing, it was _obviously_ their thing from how naturally Magnus speaks it. It’s a name they should both remember, and now they do, Alec kneeling here as something heavy starts to sit on his shoulders.

Alec _does_ want to know, but he’s in denial. He doesn’t believe Asmodeus would tell the truth, but deep down he knows that because of this pain, this echo of the glow in his chest, he’s _remembering_ bits of who he was. Magnus’ words have triggered something, and the pain Magnus feels is what he felt back then, brought to the surface by someone who witnessed Alec’s fall.

Magnus just never knew that he was there to witness it, too.

“You died in my arms. You _left me.”_ Magnus looks angry again, but it’s this mix between defeat and sorrow, trying to fill the hole those memories left with something wholesome.

But without Alec smiling, Alec laughing and telling him everything will be fine, the hole grows, his soul feeling more and more empty the more Asmodeus’ words play out in his head. Alec can see Magnus create the memories piece by piece as he looks up at him, each word pinned with an emotion familiar to the last.

He needs to hear this, _Alec_ needs to hear why he broke them apart. Even as Alec almost caves over in pain from the memory, Magnus continues -- struggling between stopping to cradle Alec in his arms, and then wanting to tie those strings together that ultimately snapped on that fateful day.

“We were so confident, close to the finish line. We _almost_ ended the war that was rattling our world. Little did we know it was an ambush -- and we -- _I_ was too late to see it.”

The initial shock of the pain fades, but it’s still there, enough to make Alec’s muscles tense. Magnus kneels to his level, noticing how the fallen angel’s wings fall behind him like a dead weight.

Finally gaining the strength, Alec takes his hand with the hand not clutching at his own chest, lacing their fingers slowly together to talk through Alec’s last day. That touch tells him something, told in the way Alec squeezes his hand in reassurance.

_Keep going --_

_I hurt you --_

_I need to remember --_

“You thought I was still in the building, you thought I was going to _die,”_ Magnus gulps, shaking his head like he’s physically trying to blur the images he’s seeing, _knowing_ he can’t get rid of them permanently.

He never will.

The closer he gets to that moment, the moment he loses Alec, he starts to _break;_

Magic fizzles at his fingertips, and above them, clouds rumble with the same tone as Magnus’ cries. Alec doesn’t know if to reach forward or stay where he is, because as he sees the love of his life slowly cave in on himself, a conflicted battle begins. Does he let him mourn the Alec from before? Or does he step in and try to let him settle in the present?

Alec feels the first raindrop on his head, and a few more until the world sinks in around him, sound catching up with what he’s witnessing. Magnus is causing the storm, the raging tides above because he’s trying to hold it all in, to concentrate on balancing himself between memory and reality. It feels odd to have those voids filled when they’ve been hollow for what feels like an eternity.

Closing his eyes, Magnus lets the cold rain calm him, the shivering tickle of the wind blowing past them moving his fringe to the side. Compared to Edom, it’s freezing. But, it feels like he needs it, or perhaps even a few hours more to try and tame the fire that wants to swell and crawl through his skin.

For a moment, he really believes Alec is gone, too sworn by guilt and heavy memories to believe he’s of worth to Magnus. But he’s still there, letting the rain soak his wings and clothes, a small smile through the pain on his face that Magnus can’t place. He doesn’t know what it means, but Alec won’t make him wait long.

“I saved you.”

Magnus could almost _scream_ at him right now. “What do you _mean?_ There’s saving, and then there’s stupidity.”

“I was in love with you, and I still am. You -- you never believed anyone would do something like that for you, that you weren’t worth such a thing as that.”

 _“Alexander._ ” Magnus laughs a little, wiping away moisture that he knows is a tear from how warm it is compared to how cold his face now feels.

“You still believed somewhere deep down, a little voice talking to you that I was nothing more than a Shadowhunter. We don’t know that, _you_ don’t, but think about it. I risked my life to save you knowing the consequences, how I may never see you again, how hurt you’d be knowing I was gone.”

_Oh, Alexander._

_You have no idea._

“And what would you say if I was the reason behind your fall?”

Alec’s smile seems to stutter, falling to a blank expression, falling to a reality he never wants to believe. He always had that nagging thought, the _what if_ questions he constantly asked himself. Now, it makes even more sense, with Alec sacrificing himself and Magnus losing a small amount of control over remembering such a thing.

He turns his head away, swallowing as thoughts start to tumble. If Magnus was the reason, then Alec was the catalyst to start that. They were lovers, and they _knew_ that even without Asmodeus telling them. It’s natural to them, to hold hands, kiss, hold _each other_ as they fall to slumber -- so maybe saving each other comes as naturally as breathing.

“The Soul Sword held your soul, and when I --,” Magnus sniffs, finally looking at Alec once more, “When I lost control, my magic linked to that sword, your soul _clinged_ to part of me and took it with you. And then the angels found out, feeling and predicting how much my vengeance was going to rip the world in two. I was going to start another war, greater than the current one, to avenge you, to avenge _us._ I wasn’t going to let you die for nothing, but my anger wasn’t going to stop with _just_ Valentine.”

Alec feels the rain getting colder, goosebumps over his skin, clothes drenched as it starts to slow, the clouds still dark but loosening their clenched hands over Magnus’ heart.

“So they damned you to Edom, let the sword fall with you. They labelled you the enemy for saving a Downworlder, for loving a Downworlder, for tainting their angelic weapon with demonic magic, for putting me first instead of your own duties. You saved me because you _loved me,_ and Shadowhunters only love once. You _loved_ me Alexander, and my heart bled so many times. I feel it, I remember it so well like it’s _happening all over again.”_

“Magnus,” the hand on his own chest pushes against the surface, trying to pull the pain away from the glowing scar, to bring his memories to the surface without Magnus having to go through the pain anymore. Alec reaches forward, taking Magnus’ hand that clenches by his side, bringing it up to his lips to kiss, “I’m sorry, I’m _so_ sorry.”

“Remembering you in my arms, how cold your skin felt, how weak you held my hand when I told you to hold on,” Magnus looks up to him, clenching his teeth to try and stop an onslaught of slobs that threaten to break through his lips, “I hated seeing you so weak, how you saved me when all this time you should have saved yourself from _me.”_

 _“No, no no --_ don’t say that,” Alec argues back, reaching for his face, “I _still_ love you Magnus, I never forgot, they could have never made me forget.”

“But they did, they _did_ make you forget. They made me forget you, and I should have known all this time that it was you, that when I was laying there listening to music and listening to those lyrics that the face in my dreams was you. It was _always_ you, because I was always _with_ you. My magic tied us together that day, and it’s the reason you survived. They made us all forget you, wanting to clean up their mistake, to make it seem _normal_ to label you a monster. None of it’s true, _none of it.”_

Alec tips his head forward, not touching foreheads, but almost, holding both of Magnus’ hands now.

 _“They_ made me forget you Magnus, but _I_ never did. I chose to stay with you, I chose to keep going because I always knew something was missing, that something wasn’t right. I had questions with no answers, heartbreak without a love, loneliness without ever having known anyone,” Alec grits his teeth, closing his eyes as he kisses his own hand, but that means he’s also kissing Magnus’ hands as he holds them close inside his hold, speaking the words into his skin, “All this time -- I wasn’t learning emotions, I was remembering them.”

And then he lets go of his hands, taking hold of Magnus’ face as he speaks to his lips, hazel to brown like the mundane days before his fall;

“The angels can condemn me, they can put me through hell and back, they can punish me for who I choose to be -- but they will _never, ever,_ take away my love for you.”

Wiping the mix of tears and rainfall from Magnus’ cheek, he smiles as Magnus does. Alec wraps his arms around him shortly after, hugging him tight, letting the rain soak them both as he feels his wings move. They move on their own, lifting until they move around him, encasing them in a small blanket of feathers.

_He’s sworn to protect you now --_

_He’s your Swordsman --_

Magnus hugs back, fingers holding on to Alec’s shirt as he rests his head on his shoulder. All this time, Alec has been protecting him because of the magic in chest, but even despite that, he’ll do it anyway.

Because he loves him, he loves _all_ of Magnus.

“I’m still here,” Alec whispers, kissing his cheek as the rain almost stops completely. “I was always here.”

He pulls back, wings moving back a little as well, Alec placing a hand over his heart, the other moving to hold his face.

_I was always here --_

Magnus' smile breaks through the clouds, and the sun grants them warmth for one final moment as Alec pulls him up, exhaustion heavy in both of their eyes and the way they move.

“I’m never letting you do something like that again.” Magnus shakes his head, keeping his eyes with Alec’s as the greater demon laughs.

“Good,” Alec kisses him now, soft and content, hands moving to Magnus’ lower back as he pulls him closer. “Because I’m never going to leave you again.”

Asmodeus’ deal can wait, and whatever it is he wants, they’ll deal with it there and then.

But now, back in each other’s arms, aware of the truth and how much they’ve fought to be together again -- it sinks relief into their bones. Even if the pain of the truth stills rattles them, to know it won’t break them apart, but bring them _closer,_ it creates solitude.

The world can wait.

They’ll take this time now to recover, to sleep in each other’s arms while their plan can finally start -- to bring their worlds closer than they already are. Alec has come to terms with what he is now and what that means for his friends and family, but knowing people can accept him for who he is and not the dubbed lies -- Alec can love freely.

He’s human again.

Alec’s scar still glows, Magnus feeling his magic settle inside through his fingertips on Alec’s skin. A single thought creates itself, warms Magnus’ heart but makes it hurt at the same time --

Alec saved Magnus, and Magnus saved Alec. Their future is theirs to hold now.

Magnus Bane bent heaven, and then raised _hell._

Even when the angels ripped them apart, when their lives changed to be enemies searching for vengeance and missing memories, they found their way back. They always knew something was missing, mourning a memory that didn’t seem possible because their hearts and minds have suffered through pain countless times before.

But their souls found each other again, and that’s what matters most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all your support. even if you still have questions, there are two more chapters to go. I hope you liked it, please let me know if you did.
> 
> love you guys, and thank you. it's almost at the conclusion now, and i'm happy i've got this far.
> 
> thanks to lucy (@serenjiminy) for reading through this -- you the best, gal.


	20. Falling in Reverse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *grabs trumpet*
> 
> happy birthday devil's swordsman!! you're officially one today. and to celebrate, the final chapter!!
> 
> this is sitting at just before 50k, so it's the biggest chapter in this fic, and possibly the biggest one i've written period. They were originally going to split into two, but I felt they worked better together. 
> 
> so, as sad at it is for me, and hopefully you guys, this is the final chapter of Devil's Swordsman. Yes, the epilogue is coming, but this is the end to the story, and the epilogue is a jump into the future after this.
> 
> i'll save my goodbyes for the end, but I just want to say thank you to every single one of you who reads this fic, because without you guys, this would be ten chapters shorter and nowhere near the word count. I'm not to care for numbers, but the amount i've written is proof that you guys inspired me to write this much, to develop my own style and write how i want.
> 
> but enough of that sappy stuff, i'll leave that to the end (and malec) - so here are the WARNINGS:
> 
> \- brief mentions of dark topics (a tiny, tiny tiny amount, so dont worry)  
> \- nsfw (but remember i never get too explicit with words because i cant do that shit)  
> \- alcohol consumption  
> \- a lot of fluff
> 
> i'd love to see live reactions to this chapter, or to hear your thoughts after. so if you want to do that, use #ODSfic on social media or simply @ me @karasunoflyy on twitter! i also have my dms open if you wanna talk in there too!! 
> 
> for songs, you can find the link to the [swordsman playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/obsidiayan/playlist/61uYiatFQVska794UTOi2C?si=CQVTX-czT_eiSxueM21qCA) here, and play the song 'It's Alright - Fractures' in the playlist when you reach the words 'to be as close as you can' in italics. i mean, you dont have to, but,,,
> 
> (also sorry if you spot a typo, this was a monster to edit and read through)
> 
> anyway, I LOVE YOU GUYS - ENJOY THE END OF SWORDSMAN!

There’s a distinct contrast between the balcony he stands on now compared to the one a few days ago.

Well, it’s not really a _balcony,_ it being more of an open space with a stunning view, glass walls reaching from floor to ceiling. Natural light is in abundance here, and the relaxing atmosphere is just what he needs--

What they _both_ need.

Mug in hand and wearing nothing more than silk pajama bottoms, Magnus watches a blizzard roll through the Scottish mountains outside his newly bought home away from home. It’s a recent purchase, one he never thought he’d make, but becoming more and more worthwhile as time goes on.

It’s off the radar - and rightly so - for purposes involving protecting both Magnus _and_ Alec from Shadowhunter tracking. His wards are built into the walls, and Magnus hasn’t mentioned exactly where they are, not even to his friends.

Not out of distrust, though, because even Alec knows how much Catarina, Isabelle, Ragnor and the rest of the _demon boyfriend support crew_ would do for their safety and wellbeing. It was, in fact, Isabelle and Catarina who suggested they vanish for a week or two, to simply take time to recover and catch up on time they've missed.

Magnus hasn’t told them what truly happened, but they know he’s aware of the truth. He doesn’t think he’s capable of talking about it without feeling a sense of guilt -- that he could have done something _different._ Alec is aware of this, but no matter how many times he says it, Magnus can’t help but think it.

_We can’t change what happened, Magnus--_

He can hear him say it now, even if he’s sound asleep in the other room, hugging around nothing as Magnus snuck away to make himself a drink an hour ago.

It’s funny how he feels guilty for something he can’t remember, yet he doesn’t feel guilty for leaving his High Warlock duty in the hands of Ragnor and Catarina. Magnus downright refused her idea at first -- not because he didn’t want to give her the title -- but because she already has enough on her plate. And that’s not to say she can’t handle it either, but like Magnus said to her, there’s _no point focusing on me getting better if someone else has to exhaust themselves in return._ Ragnor eventually stepped up saying he’d share the burden, and with that, plus Catarina’s stern motherly order to _get his ass on vacation --_ Magnus agreed.

So here he is now with a vacation home in Ragnor’s home country. Magnus finds it beautiful, but he’ll never admit that to Ragnor, no matter the bribe.

The reason Magnus finally gave in? Because his house didn’t feel like home.

There’s so much he doesn’t know about that place anymore, countless memories walking past him like ghosts, lingering magic from a timeline that no longer exists -- a timeline Magnus would have burned to the ground. All this time, he thought Alec had been the monster, that he’d done something so horrific the angels casted him down to the furthest depths they could--

Yet it’s Magnus, a burning rage of grief and anger for the love of his life, slowly feeling his heartbeat surrender in his very arms.

From how much mental and physical strain these two fallen angels have been through, a break is more than needed right now -- it’s _vital._

To think Magnus could stand up and smile like everything is fine after what happened, what he now knows? To fight when he feels like crumbling and laying there until the floor swallows him whole?

That’s no way to live life, and even though he denied it, to brush past his own worry so the world can continue -- Magnus saw sense. He saw how Catarina looked at him, how Alec was trying to hold him up when he could barely stand himself. One by one, each foundation that’s stood strong for Magnus over the centuries _cracked,_ all in a matter of hours.

From finding out what happened to Alec, to seeing him there on the balcony and having to live through it again, to the talk they had afterwards -- his body and mind reached its limit. It’s one he’s managed to bump into before, but he’s never sat down and acknowledged it. Perhaps with Alec, he’s able to understand it more, that Alec can see how much he’s exhausted just as much as Alec is, if not _more_ from the years of torment he hasn’t forgotten from _before_ Alec.

Being a High Warlock is an honour, and Magnus doesn’t _try_ to do his best, he _succeeds._

But this hero needs a break, everyone does.

Even if he has the power of Edom coursing through him like wildfire, his body is human, his mind is very much _human._ There’s a limit, and his foundations can no longer support the weight he’s carrying inside anymore.

So, Magnus let go, for now at least.

He can’t leave Brooklyn forever, especially when he’s made his life there. This mountain cabin getaway is simply what Catarina called it, a _vacation_ and nothing more. A time for Magnus and Alec to recover without the worry of the Shadow World nipping at their heels.

Alec said no magic -- and after Magnus set up wards, along with a few other necessities -- Magnus promised himself he would follow that, and he has. Still is.

Taking showers, cooking for himself, dressing and taking the time to pick outfits -- not that he really needs to here -- but it’s time that Magnus is giving to himself that he hasn’t previously, or it’s been so quick with other things on his mind that he didn’t care to take notice. Sure, there have been times he’s sat there and ignored meetings, but those are for the Clave, not for his people.

He promised himself a duty, to help every Downworlder find their way even when the Clave refuses to give them a chance. Back home, there could be someone asking for his help right now, _praying_ for a guardian to come and save them from the desire that shakes their fingers, the pain that causes their bones to twist and break --

Magnus could be there, saving another life for the sake of a better world and not the number count --

But he’s here, surrounded by snow and the delicate silence of nature.

For the first time in his life,  or the first time he can remember, Magnus takes a deep breath --

And he _breathes._

The steam from his coffee moves, twirling away from his exhale, finding its way back to a steady rise when Magnus opens his eyes again. Things in life always find a way, they’ll always come full circle. Maybe it’s another dumb metaphor, but Magnus truly believes it now.

Sure, his life now compared to what it was months ago is vastly different, but as he looks back on it, there’s not much difference at all.

He’s still changing the world, still loving heart and soul for Alec Lightwood, and he’s still very much the _Magnus Bane_ that the world knows of. There’s no giving or taking anymore, no choosing between right and wrong because everything _fits_ now, like everything that was in front of him suddenly makes sense. It did before, but now it’s clear as day, hints and clues being shoved to the side but never forgotten. Alec showed signs of being who he was, such as his dedication to improvement, his leadership and persistence in dark times -- even when he seemed to be on the end of his thread -- Alec found a way through.

He found his way back --

Back to _Magnus._

And Magnus will find his way back to Brooklyn, to his High Warlock job and bustling success of being an icon people look up to, helping others and making the world a better place.

There’s no denying he’ll miss this, though.

Peace and quiet, stress free days where his phone is left on silent -- as per requested by Isabelle until a fire message is sent their way incase of emergency -- and no annoying Shadowhunters at his door. He can fall asleep in Alec’s arms as much as he likes, and he can kiss him senseless for hours on end without anything stopping them. To say he’s missing the persistent honks of traffic and bustling streets below his apartment is a joke in itself, because he _adores_ the serenity, the almost perfectly painted scenario of life out here.

The sunsets here are spectacular, but he hasn’t managed to watch one just yet. He plans too in a few hours once Alec wakes up, their schedules all messed up. They are both to blame, really, and neither of them show any sign of stopping their habits.

Alec will wake him up in the middle of the night, saying he misses Magnus’ voice, or that he simply just wants to stare into those eyes he’s got lost in countless times. And Magnus will wake up to watch Alec sleep soundly, nightmare free as the demon keeps a state of peace, not worrying about losing control or sending himself into a frenzy.

Here, in these mountains where mother nature is closest, they’re bare.

Ultimately simple and perfectly flawed -- _human._

And every time Alec is reminded of that, he smiles, and Magnus smiles too.

Magnus fears he’ll get used to this, that he won’t want to go back to Brooklyn and continue what’s there. He feels like he should be guilty about that, but he can’t bring himself to be, not when Alec winks at him from across the room or hugs him close. Not when Alec murmurs he loves him into his shoulder, not when he nuzzles his messy hair into his chest when Magnus wants to get up and he doesn’t want him to leave.

For moments, Magnus forgets about back home, about what new missions await them and the dust that needs to be brushed from the shelves. They’re still a long way from freedom, but this little taster is addicting enough to feel real. Neither of them want to let go of it.

Alec’s feeling better, though, a lot better.

It’s been a week since Magnus crumbled before him, cried out the truth and bared his heart for Alec to judge. Magnus truly thought he’d leave him because of what he did, what he made Alec become -- but to have those wings wrap around him, to feel Alec clutch his shirt and pull him closer, he knew he was foolish to ever think that.

Perhaps it’s from times before, the past claws that have sunk and stayed in his mind, the fear of never being enough even though he tries his damn best to be -- there’s no explanation for how terrifying that feels when the gauntlet begins, the _true_ test of having your ultimate fear coming to life in front of you.

That was a fear for Magnus -- Alec walking away from the truth.

He was already trying to run from it, to accept a life without ever knowing what he did, what he _could_ have done to deserve such a punishment -- and there was no stopping him from walking away that day.

But he didn’t. He’s here, spending time with the love of his life and recovering after the storm. There’s another brewing somewhere, but right now they only give a damn about what they’ll cook for dinner or what show they’re going to binge on the couch.

Magnus snuck those in with his magic, but after that, he _promised_ no more. Sue him, he loves his binges.

The night of Magnus telling Alec about his past went slow, and he honestly can’t remember how many hours they stood there, embracing like letting go will turn them both to ash. He felt Alec’s heartbeat _screaming,_ holding on to his very soul that he still loves him as much as he did then, _knows_ he did.

If Shadowhunters truly do only love once, then Alec is a perfect example of that. Even when his memories were ripped from the roots of his spine, he still fell in love with the man he did before, and perhaps he fell in love harder than before. He’s already done it once, so doing it again must feel like home to him.

And it does. _God,_ it does.

Alec sat with him after that, and Magnus proceeded to dry his wings with a towel. He didn’t want Magnus to do that, not because he’s not caring of his wings, but because Magnus is so mentally and physically exhausted at that point, that Alec wanted them to just fall asleep.

But Magnus persisted --

_“This is my fault, please, let me.”_

_“Magnus, it’s fine, they’ll dry on their own--”_

_“Let me do this. I want to do this.”_

He could argue no more, not when Magnus’ eyes plead with guilt. It’s as if he was saying _I caused this, let me do this one thing to try and say sorry to you._

Magnus doesn’t need to apologise, but Alec feels he’ll carry that burden of what they _both_ did for many years to come. He doesn’t think he’ll even let go of it, forever cursing himself for what could have been if he’d just been able to control himself, to be there a few seconds faster to save him --

But when Alec fell asleep that night, content as Magnus dried each feather of his wings gently, Magnus found a small hope in his heart that Alec will never hate him for what he did. He feels safe enough to fall asleep here, even when Alec barely knew him as nothing more than a business deal.

Alec didn’t run away --

He didn’t point fingers and accuse him of being his downfall --

Instead, he fell asleep in his arms, cuddling up together on the couch in mutual silence until Magnus drifted off himself. His heart was confused at the time, especially in his dream when he was forced to choose between his Alec from before and the Alec now.

Magnus walked in between the two, pulled back by the ghostly hands, trying to make him pick, to make him choose --

But he can’t choose when both Alec’s are the same. They may have different blood, different powers and different scars -- but they’re the same _Alec._

The Alec that loves Magnus, that worships him, laughs with him, smiles with him, wants to spend the rest of his life with. Timelines are all that seperates them, because even when the fires of Edom changed his body, they never truly changed _Alec._

He survived because of Magnus, and that little bit of Alec that was clinging onto life -- clinging onto _Magnus --_ was the small token that kept his heart beating, that kickstarted the beacon through the dark to find his way back to Magnus.

As they slept that night, Alec’s black blanket thrown over the two of them, they knew that the next time they woke up, they’d be different.

Alec now knows who he is, knows who Magnus was in his past life. He’s able to piece together the different memories that seemed jaded before, and even if they’re still blurry, it’s beginning to make sense. He doesn’t want to remember the pain he felt that day, but he feels he already has, or a pain worse than that --

Hurting Magnus, leaving him alone in that life before.

And truly, he feels _goddamn blessed_ that he’s been given a second chance, that Magnus gave him a second chance. Thinking about it, they’ve both been given this chance, because if Alec didn’t do what he did, then Magnus would’ve been gone, and Alec truly doubts he would’ve been able to do anything to change that, to bring him back.

Alec didn’t say much about his past once the day was over of the _big reveal --_ which is what he calls it, how he references it when he needs to joke and hide his pain. He mostly doesn’t know _what_ to say, because it’s already there in front of him, every answer he could possibly need. Yet some parts still feel lost, a little strange, as if he can’t ever imagine such a world being real.

It was, and Alec can’t really believe that when Magnus is lying in his arms, sleeping peacefully. He’ll usually wake up in random hours of the night, almost as if his body expects the world to have changed, but Magnus is still there, breath fanning across Alec’s chest.

Their nights have always been peaceful at the cabin, a skylight above turning tinted without direct sunlight, meaning only a small portion of the moonlight seeps through.

For the minutes he manages to stay awake, Alec ponders about the future as well as the present. Magnus finds himself doing the same, but more so when he wakes up in the early hours of the morning, getting up because he knows he won’t be able to fall back asleep.

It’s what happened this morning. Only this time, Alec had his back turned to him, Magnus hugging from behind as he remembers kissing over his the skin of his shoulders, helping Alec fall asleep.

Dusk is Magnus’ time to reflect, to let thoughts drift and think of the good, and _only_ that.

That’s not so easy though when his lover _insists_ he stay in bed for longer than his own body wants him to.

“Is there a way to get you to stay in bed for more than five hours?”

Alec’s voice appears behind him, Magnus turning to look at his lover with adorning eyes. He’s smiling at him, even despite the slight irritation in his tone, teasing Magnus because he’s thinking of a few ways he can do exactly what he asked.

“Technically, I slept for almost a day when we first got here,” Taking a step closer, Magnus takes in the sight before him, brows raised at how absolutely amazing Alec looks five minutes after waking up. “So you already have.”

He laughs, “You got me there.”

The demon smirks, knowing Magnus is a little lost in how well Alec has recovered back to form.

Leaning against the door frame, arms across his chest as he smiles, Magnus has to bite back thoughts that would otherwise turn up the heat on their rather serene getaway. There’s been moments where their eyes will speak it for them, on the tips of their tongues to want more, but they’re both too scared to ask.

Perhaps it’s the fear of waking up because they finally have this time, or they’re simply scared of what they’ll feel during and after. Even if they _have_ done it before, there’s still the uncertainty, because it’ll be their first all over again thanks to the lack of memories. That doesn’t bother either of them, but just the mental pressure of wanting it to be perfect, to be ready and not have the world rip it away from them when they’re so relaxed and stable right now -- that’s what scares them.

A time will come, and it’s not now.

Alec’s hair is ruffled from sleep, boxers being the only thing he wears, wings back inside the vessel of his body and a thin red bracelet around his right wrist. It was a present from Madzie, given to him while he was under, and the small little silver charm that hangs from it is shaped like a wing. Alec remembers her saying it’ll protect him, like he protected her against Valentine. Alec still feels bad about not being able to give Madzie her Christmas gift yet, and he promises himself it’ll be the first thing he does next time he sees her.

But what has him captured right now, is how Magnus seems to rip his eyes away from Alec, turning around and back to the view _outside._ Not that he’s complaining, giving Alec a perfect view of that toned back, but it’s how his shoulder blades seem to tense that bothers him the most.

He pushes himself from the frame, walking over to Magnus as his bare feet pad against the luxurious carpet of the cabin, his lungs seeming to breathe easier the closer he gets to the warlock.

Body sighing at the relief of being close again, Alec places his hands on the warlock’s waist, moving them round slowly to his abdomen, thumbs rotating in small circles. Magnus falls back into his hold, careful not to spill his coffee as he continues to watch the weather outside.

“Come back to bed,” Alec speaks into his skin, kissing his left shoulder a few times as he hugs him closer from behind. “I miss you.”

“I’ve been gone practically five minutes, Alexander.” Magnus chuckles, Alec smiling as he feels the sound before he hears it. It’s warming to hear him laugh again, so free and bubbly.

Mumbling against him, Alec sighs, but this time it’s not out of relief, but pretend annoyance, “Five minutes too long.”

Magnus goes to reply, but Alec begins peppering kisses down the side of his neck, wrapping his arms around him more.

“As much as sleeping for another week sounds awfully inviting right now, especially with you next to me, I can’t keep doing it,” he turns in Alec’s arms, a sweet feeling swimming through him as their eyes meet again, the contact of their skin warm and familiar -- _safe._ “I’m not a person to stay off my feet for too long.”

“Mmm. I know that now,” Alec still has his arms hugged around him, thumbs moving in the small little dimples of his back, tickling him slightly. “You’re worried about back home, aren’t you?”

“As much as I don’t want to be, I am. I have a duty to my people, and I know Catarina and Ragnor can handle it, but it feels like I’m simply abandoning my promise to myself by being here.”

It surprises Alec how much those words don’t sting him, and in some ways they should, because Magnus is itching to get back home instead of spending quality alone time with Alec. He’s recharged his energy banks enough to kick himself back into work mode, whereas Alec still has nowhere safe to go, because once this vacation is over, it’s back to hiding for him.

Unless Luke’s master plan starts quicker than they originally thought it would.

But Magnus starts to smirk up at him, looking down to Alec’s lips and then back up to those hazels again, “My home is here, too. With you.”

Alec shakes his head, smile growing as Magnus tilts his head, trying to lighten the mood before Alec starts thinking too much about going back. He’s still not entirely sure of what Luke has planned, he just knows they’re working on _something._

“Then if I go back to bed, you’ll follow me?”

“Nice try.”

Alec sighs, “Fine. I guess I’ll try and function as a normal human today instead of hibernation.”

They joke, but they really did need those days of sleep, especially just the peace and quiet to let the white noise in their minds fizzle out. Now they’re strong enough, physically and somewhat mentally, Magnus is eager to get back to daily life, to enjoy it.

Now, he has that chance to experience it with Alec.

Turning in his arms again, Magnus smiles once more at the snow that falls, Alec breathing deep behind him, still hugging him close. “You’re too selfless for your own good sometimes.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he questions, taking a sip of his coffee shortly after.

Kissing the back of his head, Alec nuzzles into his hair, grumbling to himself that he has to explain it. Magnus is so focused on helping other people that he forgets himself sometimes, and that leads to him being exhausted beyond recovery, by then ignoring breaks and taking those five minutes just to breathe. He’s a man who’s focused, determined and respected to do his job, so being here and not in Brooklyn makes him feel weasy.

“We’re meant to be resting, and you’re comfortable with Catarina and Ragnor covering for you -- but you're still worrying because you’re here and not there. You aren’t helping people right now, and you love doing that.”

For a demon with a lack of history -- or history he remembers -- Alec sure does talk like a man with focus, experience and confidence. Perhaps it’s a lucky streak of words, but Magnus can tell by his tone that he’s not scraping the bottom of the bucket to find something to say. He’s saying it from his heart because he understands, and even if Alec has gone through hell and back since he knew Magnus, Alec’s will to learn and help himself hasn’t changed.

That thought brings a smile to Magnus’ face. Alec’s right, _annoyingly_ is because he knows in some way truth hurts. Of course he’d love to spend as much time as he can with Alec, but Magnus is a man of work, a man of his wish to help the Downworld and bring eventual peace without blood falling.

“Magnus, I didn’t fall in love with you for just that -- someone to love me -- I fell in love with you because of who you are.”

He feels another speech coming on, and Magnus doesn’t have the strength to hold back tears, because every time Alec has something to say, it never fails to swell his heart. Alec really is a poetic man, and weirdly so considering what he is now, but Magnus finds it awfully heartwarming that a dubbed _monster_ is capable of such words. If the Clave could hear what Alec says about the world, how much he truly admires other people and his fascination with learning and changing to be a better person for _himself --_ they’d probably faint.

They’d scream that _he’s not well,_ or he’s _tricking us!_ Magnus would just laugh and tell them to find another excuse he hasn’t heard already.

“Are you about to serenade me?”

Alec grunts, “Ah, maybe.”

“You’re adorable.”

“I can’t help it,” kissing the back of his head again, Alec smiles sweetly, and Magnus can hear it in his voice. “There’s just no words to describe you. No words to describe how much you mean to me and everyone else who knows you, everyone who is _yet_ to know you.”

Magnus finds himself turning around in Alec’s arms, _again,_ missing him already even though he’s right here. Those hooded, sleepy eyes and the way they shine from the dim light reflecting off the ice outside -- it’s a perfect, natural moment that only Magnus gets to see.

“The way you understand me never ceases to amaze me, Alexander,” Magnus says, lifting a hand to place against the side of his neck, thumb moving over his adam’s apple. There’s a small smile on Alec’s face from the praise, growing when Magnus runs his other hand through the short hairs at the back of his neck. “I love you.”

Those words are like small fireworks inside his chest, Alec having those little crinkles by his eyes again as he laughs.

“And that surprises you?” he tilts his head, almost similar to how Omamori does it, and it makes Magnus’ insides melt.

“My last relationships didn’t quite understand my love for my job. They thought it was a needs for fame or money, and many of them found their own through dating me,” he halts his thumb just at the edge of Alec’s jaw, watching as the skin moves a little when he moves it across his stubble. “It’s painful to think that I’d have to give up one thing for another.”

Alec dips his head, looking to his thumb before kissing it, and then taking hold of that hand to bring it closer and kiss his palm.

“But I don’t have to choose,” Magnus’ face softens as Alec looks up to him, placing his hand back on Magnus’ waist. He knew for a second he was worried, worried that Magnus is thinking twice about weighing love and work. “I can have both.”

“I’m sorry those people made you feel that way.”

“There’s no need to apologise for people too focused on themselves.” that makes Alec snort, and he dips his head to peck Magnus’ lips once.

It makes Magnus smile at how caring Alec is, but also frightening how one flip of a switch can change that completely. But here, he’s content, relaxed to ignore what he is and to let himself _feel._ To fall in love all over again.

“I don’t see how anyone can focus on anything when you’re here,” Magnus blinks, Alec continuing as he tickles his fingers up the warlock’s spine. “I swear I’m ready to start the day, but then I wake up and see you laying there, and all my thoughts melt away.”

“Ale--”

He’s cut off as Alec kisses him, hands holding his waist again as he pulls him closer. Magnus is left breathless a few seconds later, eyes closed as Alec pulls back, knowing he caught Magnus before he tried to deny his compliment. Magnus may love the praise, but his past shatters through the positive before he gets a chance to bathe in them.

“I fell in love with all of you, Magnus. That means your flaws, your work, your dreams and wishes. Yeah, people don’t have to, but they could have at least showed you support because what you do makes the world a better place.”

Cupping Magnus’ face, Alec brings him closer again, breath ghosting over his lips as he speaks. Magnus can feel the warmth of his hands flow through him, almost as if Alec is taking hold of his soul and speaking directly to him, _only_ him --

 _“You saved me,”_ he whispers, looking into his eyes like they’re the only colour he can see. _“And you’ll continue to save countless others.”_

_“Alexander--”_

Alec pulls away, Magnus exhaling as he does like Alec physically takes the breath from him.

“I will never stop you from doing what you love to have you spend more time with me. There might be days where I’ll try, but I won’t do it out of selfishness. I’ll do it because your side of the bed will grow cold. I’ll do it because I want a least another minute if I can take it.”

_God. What are you doing to me, Alec?_

_Where do these words come from?_

_How do you manage to make me fall in love with you even more?_

“What we’re doing here, it’s important but not vital. I’m strong enough to go back to hiding now, and I’m sure you’re ready to go from how early you’ve been waking these past two days. If you really want to go back, I won’t stop you.”

“No, no no,” Magnus shakes his head, hand going to the demon’s neck again. “I don’t want that. I just -- it’s taking time for me to adjust. I’m aware we’ve had days but this is the first time in many, _many_ years I have left my post.”

“And you _deserve_ a break, Magnus. Just because you’re a super powerful warlock doesn’t mean you can’t grow tired and want a few minutes to yourself.”

He sees the moment Alec’s smile drops, his expression morphing to the same one he did before Magnus left to Edom--

Fear, regret.

“For crying out loud, you went to _Edom,_ having to hear my memories and then repeat them back to me, having no idea how I’d react to you telling me -- and they’re _your_ memories too. I wanted to know, but I was in denial, and you saw through that when I couldn’t myself,” Alec chuckles, his smile returning to his face at the thought of Magnus doing all that for him. “If anything, you deserve a spa break. I should be giving you a fucking _massage_ for all the aches I’ve put you through. I broke into your apartment once, got you some awful presents, almost-- ”

“Hey,” he’s about to repeat an event that plays on their minds to this day. Magnus doesn’t want to remember, not when their hearts are so balanced right now. “I won’t deny a spa break.”

A second passes, and Alec does nothing.

But then, he smiles, laughing to himself in the way that shakes his shoulders, and Magnus beams.

“I--,” Alec stutters, his forehead bumping against Magnus’. “I just want you here a little longer.”

Leaning in, Magnus pecks his lips once, both of them closing their eyes as they feel the tingle left behind, even if the kiss lasted shorter than a second. He rubs his thumb over Alec’s apple, feeling it move as he swallows, moving another hand up to cup his face.

Then they’re kissing again, Alec humming as Magnus holds his head so gently, then feeling the tips of his nails scrape as they move down the sides of his neck. The movement over his neck scar makes Alec hiss, squeezing his arms around Magnus’ waist and pulling him closer so their bodies are flush.

Heads tilting to move with the flow of their kiss -- wanting to go for as long as their lungs will let them -- Magnus tugs slightly, Alec following him as he begins to lean forward. At the same time, Alec’s hands search up his back, holding him steady as the warlock lets Alec support his weight a little, stomach flipping at the way Alec presses his fingers into his bare back.

“Mmm,” Magnus breaks away, quickly pressing a thumb to Alec’s bottom lip, watching the demon’s eyes open, pupils blown wide. “You’ve convinced me.”

Alec laughs, “Bed?”

He purposely waits, teasing him, watching the smile grow on his face before speaking, “No.”

 _“Fuck,”_ groaning, he loosens his hold around Magnus’ waist, tipping his head back as he sighs. Magnus finds himself chasing after that feeling of being locked in his arms. “I wanna’ cuddle.”

He’s pouting now, and Magnus has to contain the _aww_ from leaving his lips, because how on _earth_ does he manage to look so innocent like that? Magnus blames that ruffled hair, his growing stubble, his droopy smile and those ridiculously beautiful eyes--

Damn, he really _is_ gone for Alec.

“I have a better proposal,” Magnus takes Alec’s hand, threading their fingers together as Alec perks a brow. “How about we cook dinner tonight?”

“Oh,” Alec finds himself blushing at that. “Like -- a _date?”_

_“A date?”_

“Yeah. We can make it a date, right? I promised you one but, I--”

“But you what?”

“I--,” looking away, Alec scratches the back of his neck as he bites his lip, not sure if he’s ready to say it just yet. Ah, it might as well be now rather than never. “I was planning a date.”

Magnus feels his heart stop for a moment, noticing Alec’s nervous gesture and the way he wants to hide his voice. He was mumbling, but Magnus could hear every word clear as day.

“How long?” asks Magnus, feeling himself smile on his own far before his brain manages to catch up.

“Since I first mentioned it to you. I kind of liked you from the moment I first saw you. It all makes sense now, though, why I felt so attracted to you so suddenly and so strongly. Even though we made that deal, I was hoping I’d have a chance with you, but I never started planning it properly until I stayed over at Maia’s for those two weeks.”

“You _planned_ it?”

“Yeah! I wanted it to be perfect and I have no prior knowledge. Maia laughed at me when I asked until she realised I was being serious. I’ve never seen her change expression so quickly because she knew I was genuinely being serious. I liked you, and I had this feeling you wanted the same future as me, one where we’d be together. By then I had to live with the fact I may never know my past, and I felt this inkling inside that I knew you before. I just hoped it was a good memory I’d forgotten and not a bad one.”

Placing a soft kiss on his collarbone, Magnus listens to the rest of the story, sighing content as Alec wraps his arms tight around him once more, their hands still joined as Magnus leans his head on his shoulder. They sway, Alec keeping his voice low as his breath tickles Magnus’ ear.

“I was going to ask you at Christmas because I found the perfect box for my idea. And, well, that didn’t happen,” Alec is silent after that, taking time to bite back the pain that wants to surface. “I’m sorry about that.”

“That’s in the past now. There’s no need to apologise for something we can’t change.” he feels the tension of Alec’s muscles subside, breathing in deeply as he moves his nose to Magnus’ hair, looking out the window.

“Magnus Bane?”

“Hmm?” his heart knows what’s coming, and it _jumps_ at the thought of hearing it for real.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?”

Magnus leans back, looking up at him as Alec smiles. He’s blushing slightly, obviously nervous for an answer he’s certain will be a yes.

“Would you, _Alexander,_ like to go on a date with me _tonight?”_

Alec stands back, a quizzing look on his face as Magnus perks a brow. There’s a cold feeling in his chest as Alec doesn’t answer straight away, but then it’s replaced by a blooming warmth with Alec’s crinkled smile. And then he’s taking a deep breath, shaking his head like he can’t believe they’re finally getting a chance to go on a _date._

 _“I’d love to,”_ whispers Alec, his throat tight with emotion and overwhelming joy. _“Please?”_

As he laughs -- the bubbly one that makes Alec _swoon_ \-- Magnus squeezes Alec’s hands and nods, “You don’t have to say _please.”_

“Look, I--”

Alec doesn’t finish his sentence as Magnus starts to lean in, his eyes already closed before Magnus is kissing him. He’s moving his entire upper body forward to do so, his arms behind him as he still holds Alec’s hands. Eventually, Magnus lets go, Alec smiling into the kiss as Magnus massages one hand through his hair, the other hand sitting in the dip of his back.

 _“God,_ I love kissing you,” Alec mumbles, not being able to speak how he truly feels when they get lost kissing like that. _“I love you so much.”_

Kissing him again, Magnus starts to push Alec back towards the bedroom, Alec obviously excited that he may be getting an extra five minutes of snuggling together.

“Am I winning?” wanting to break the silence, Alec brings attention to the fact that Magnus _is_ moving him back to the bedroom.

“I love you too, Alexander.” he replies, laughing when Alec gasps. That’s not what he expected.

The words physically rip a breath from his lungs. They shouldn’t, because he’s heard it so many times, but it still impacts him even more so than the last. And then he’s picking Magnus up, smiling up at him as Magnus wraps his legs around his waist.

Walking backwards through the threshold of the bedroom, Magnus kisses his lips twice before laughing, his arms hugging around the demon’s neck as he falls with Alec onto the bed, admiring the way Alec’s eyes shine under the skylight above them.

And then they’re rolling, Alec on top as he looks down at Magnus, both of their smiles bright and full of life. Magnus winks, aware that Alec gets lost in remembering every detail of Magnus’ face, admiring his beauty in such soft and natural lighting.

He sighs, frustrated at his lover’s ridiculous amounts of beauty. But then he’s moving closer as Magnus pulls him down, kissing him softly, feeling every drag of the warlock’s lips against his. When they break, Alec swallows at the sight in front of him, how peaceful Magnus looks, how his eyes hood themselves, and then he's reaching up to kiss him again.

Alec manages to sneak his thoughts out quickly as he pulls the sheets up, legs tangling with Magnus’ as they welcome the warmth of the bed and each other again.

“I’m _definitely_ winning.”

\- - - - -

 

Magnus wakes up after about thirty minutes. Their kissing didn’t last long after Alec hugged him close, both of them with big smiles on their faces like some lovesick teenagers.

It’s his phone, vibrating in the cabinet his side of the bed. They said no phones, but Magnus wants a stream of information from back home whenever he can get it. He doesn’t check often because he doesn’t want to worry Alec, but every other night he’ll take it out and catch up. Not on Catarina or Ragnor and their cover of his High Warlock duty, but anything involving Alec. If Luke is putting the plan into action, then he needs to be on guard incase he’s needed. They promised they’d send a fire message if something becomes serious and they need Magnus back, that way Magnus doesn’t need to keep checking his phone in worry every other minute.

As he plucks it out the drawer, Magnus smiles at the wallpaper he’s set.

It’s Alec, face pushed into Magnus’ pillow and far into the land of sleep. The sun is catching the angle of his back _just right_ as he lays there on his stomach. White sheets come up to his waist, and Magnus remembers taking the picture from where he sits right now.

He’s so angelic like this, and it squeezes Magnus’ heart in multiple ways.

Going to his messages, he smiles at the most recent being Isabelle. He doesn’t need to open the conversation to see what she’s sent.

 

**_ISABELLE:_ **

_[She knows.]_

 

Ah, Maryse. Alec’s mother.

Magnus looks down to Alec snoring away on his chest, shoulders rising and falling gently as he sleeps. He has no idea that his mother knows he’s out there, and at first she was focused on hunting him down.

He hopes she’s willing to try and trust him, or at least give him a chance to prove himself and that he’s not a monster.

_[How did she take it?]_

It takes a minute, but Isabelle does text back.

_[Oh, you’re awake? Sorry I didn’t expect you to text back so sudden. That must mean Alec is asleep, so I hope you’re getting some well needed rest too.]_

_[With mom, it’s hard to guess. One minute she seems on board and the next she thinks I’m playing some sort of prank. She’s always had this feeling in her gut that something was missing, like, someone she’s meant to be aware of. I think now that it’s true, it’s a struggle to come to terms with it, and with the divorce happening recently, she’s finding it hard to cope.]_

Alec may find himself torn if he hears about the divorce -- and that’s _when_ he hears about it. Maryse and Alec will have to meet eventually, and with that comes the inevitable question--

_What about my father?_

It’ll crush Maryse, and it’ll crush Alec even more. Hell, he might even become so enraged that his mother was hurt by his father that he’ll walk a path of hatred. Magnus has to stop that, but even then, they don’t know how Alec is going to react.

All they can do is prepare and hope nothing goes sideways.

He moves his fingers through Alec’s hair, the demon’s arms squeezing around his waist in response. Alec is quite the clingy sleeper, more so lately than before. Understandable, though, considering the mental torture he went through for a mixed amount of time, never being able to stand on his own two feet for longer than a minute.

Just the memory of that makes Magnus frown. Asmodeus did that to them, all for some _stupid_ test. He’ll never forgive him for that, no matter how much Magnus understands the pain behind his voice when he explained it.

Alec grumbles at the loss of comfort from his head, Magnus needing to text Isabelle back.

_[He’s been sleeping like a rock, and consequently that means I also have. Not as much as Alec, but much more than I would do back at Brooklyn. And you two really are alike, you know that? He keeps telling me off for not resting, but I’m not that type of person. I guess I’ll excuse myself this one time because there’s really no getting past your brother when he has his mind set on something.]_

_[I’m sure Maryse will come round. Don’t worry Isabelle. One fight at a time, right? Just like we always have. Have Luke speak to her about it.]_

He feels Alec shift on top of him, but he doesn’t look, simply scrolling through his other chat with Ragnor and Catarina, smirking at their usual bickering.

Then Magnus’ stomach becomes cold, suddenly aware Alec’s head is no longer there, soon feeling lips against his skin again. Lowering his phone, Magnus watches Alec slowly plant kisses over his torso, his hands moving up and down his sides, almost massaging the muscles beneath with how much he presses his fingers in.

“We said _no phones,”_ Alec speaks against his skin, and the sharp temperature difference makes Magnus’ abdominal muscles clench. His breath is warm compared to the cold kisses left behind. “Are you breaking the rules?”

Magnus is silent as he keeps his eyes locked to Alec’s, his smirk falling as the sheets fall to Alec’s thighs. The demon pushes himself up, walking closer over the top of him and keeping a stern face. He’s not sure what’s on Alec’s mind, but there’s no ill intent, because he’s smiling, almost smirking in the darkness of the room.

“I thought _I_ was the demon, not you.”

“They say rules are meant to be broken.” quips Magnus.

Alec perks a brow, tilting his head as he looks down to the phone in his hands, “Liar,” he finds amusement in how Magnus gasps, mockingly placing a hand against his chest as if he’s offended by that statement. “You’re a man of leadership. You _love_ rules.”

“Doesn’t mean I follow them _all_ the time.”

Looking back up, Alec has a full blown smirk, Magnus feeling the pull on his chest to keep looking into those eyes. Little does he know, Alec is sneaking his hand up to snatch the phone away, and he manages to do it before Magnus tries to stop him. He ends up just pinching Alec’s arm, asking for him to give it back.

“Are you hiding something?”

“No--” Magnus laughs as Alec jerks the phone away from his reach, standing on his knees now as Magnus looks up at him.

“Then why are you up looking at your phone instead of sleeping? Do I smell?”

“Horrible.”

“Ouch. How could you say that?”

Sitting up a little, Magnus places his hands on Alec’s waist, running them up his back and over his shoulder blades. He’s aware that the scars there are sensitive, and he’ll eventually give in to the comfort like some sort of cat.

“I was texting Isabelle,” that makes Alec lower his arm, still not having looked at the phone. “I’m making sure everything is okay back there.”

“Oh,” his face morphs to guilt, giving back Magnus’ phone without hesitation, but Magnus doesn’t take it. “How is she?”

“She’s fine,” Magnus gestures with his hand to the phone, smiling as Alec settles into his lap as predicted, nails circling over the scars of his wings. “Read it for yourself, if you want.”

Alec double checks it’s okay by looking at the phone and then back to Magnus, and he does it a couple of times, almost scared as to what he’ll read and take from it when he does. It’s still open on the chat he has with Catarina and Ragnor, so he exits out to find Isabelle’s.

It’s at the very top, and the word _typing_ under her name makes his hands shake.

“Go on. It’s nothing bad. She wanted you to know from her, not me.” he kisses Alec’s cheek, looking down to the phone when Alec finally opens it.

He immediately frowns, unsure of who this _she_ is until he reads that single word--

_Mom._

Next thing he knows, he’s bringing a hand up to cover his mouth, closing his eyes as something overwhelms him. Alec can’t pick out a single emotion because there’s so many, all mixing together to twist his stomach around, back and forth.

Fear, anxiety, cold, uncertainty--

“Alexander, _hey,”_ Magnus uses one hand to cup his face, the other on his back to stop the demon from falling. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

It seems dumb to think _oh shit, I have a mother_ \-- but after Isabelle, he never really thought of it, since he was so happy at finding at least _one_ family member. His parents and if they’re alive _does_ come to his thoughts often, but to actually see the words from Isabelle in front of him, it’s like a rock crashing into his chest after being thrown.

 _“Fuck,_ why am I shaking? _Why does this scare me?”_ Alec thought he said that in his head, but he spoke it loud and clear, Magnus feeling every word like a sharp pain in his chest. It’s frightening him to think of what his mother thinks of him, and Alec hasn’t even read the rest of the text yet.

“Because this is the first time you’ll see your mother.”

Alec looks up from the screen, his lips trembling as Magnus smiles at him, brushing a thumb just under the demon’s eye, stopping a stray tear.

“I--,” he coughs, loosening the knot in his throat. “I’m going to meet her?”

Magnus nods, and Alec inhales sharply, exhaling slowly afterwards.

 _“I’m going to see my mom.”_ Alec says that to himself, and Magnus feels that pain triple inside his chest, an old knot squeezing his lungs and turning his fingertips cold.

“Yeah, you are.”

The demon smiles, and he sniffs away the blocked feeling in his nose, wiping the next tear before Magnus can from his other eye.

Taking the phone back, Magnus closes it, ignoring Isabelle’s latest message as it just pings through. Alec is still shaking at the thought of seeing his mother again, and Magnus can only hold him close, soothing a hand down his back as he calms down. He’s not crying, but the twitch of his muscles and heavy breathing shows he’s panicking about it.

And then as the silence becomes heavy, Alec speaks, whispering against Magnus’ shoulder, _“Will you be there with me?”_

“Yes, of course.” he places a small kiss against the side of his neck, hugging him closer as Alec sinks down with him, back to the warmth of the bed and the sheets.

_“Thank you.”_

 

**_ISABELLE:_ **

_[I know she will. You know us Lightwoods!]_

\- - - - -

 

A few minutes in bed cuddling turns into an hour. An hour turns into a few more as they binge watch a series. Then they spend most of the night watching the small numbers of wildlife outside. It’s rather cold outside the bedroom, and not in a theoretical sense, but _literal._

Now it's noon, the heating not working too well, and being surrounded by snow up in the middle of nowhere doesn’t help their situation. Magnus isn’t supposed to use magic, but he sneaks a click of his fingers while Alec goes to the bathroom to take a quick leak.

Their date was postponed to today, considering Alec slept like a rock yesterday and Magnus didn’t have the heart to wake him. His continuous apology had Magnus laughing, blaming himself for forgetting and promising he’ll make it up to him.

When Alec returns from the bathroom, he’s greeted by the crackling and snaps of a fire, lighting up the room with an orange glow that make both of them take a breather -- because _wow._

Alec looks good enough to eat, and Magnus looks like a literal _god_ to Alec, sitting there with his bowl of grapes and blanket thrown over his lap.

“Better?” Magnus asks, giving himself a mental high five at keeping himself composed as Alec walks over, not shying away from taking it all in.

Those abs, long legs, stubble, wild hair -- just _everything_ about him.

“Er, yeah,” that doesn’t satisfy Magnus, perking a brow as Alec sinks down next to him, taking the grape from Magnus’ waiting fingers as he holds it up for him. “What?”

“You seem nervous about something?” it’s to tease him, of course.

If he wasn’t so relaxed, perhaps Alec would have just blushed and smiled. Not today, though.

“I walked back in to see you sitting there like some sort of greek god and you expect me _not_ to feel a little overwhelmed?”

Magnus snorts. Alec turns to him quickly, watching as Magnus raises a hand to cover his mouth, his laugh still breaking free.

“Hey. Don’t laugh at me.” nudging him, Alec smiles, lovesick as he watches Magnus’ laughter turn to little chuckles.

When he turns back to Alec, the demon feels his heart crash against his ribcage, lips parting at how beautiful Magnus is. And Alec can’t say anything else, can’t think of anything else than being right here, watching the hands of the fire paint his skin in this warm light. He wants to wrap himself in that warmth, to shadow the light with his own hands and be his warmth instead.

Little does Alec know, he’s already Magnus’ warmth, his _world._

“What?”

“You.”

“Me?” Magnus gestures to his own chest, a little confused.

“You’re beautiful.”

The statement shouldn’t startle him, but it does, and moments ago Alec was saying it in a different way. This time, he’s honest, bare and simple in the way he says it, almost as if it’s as natural as breathing. Alec wouldn’t deny that, because he won’t take those words back, and he’ll keep saying them for as long as he can. Not just words though, as there’s ways to say he is without even speaking, which Magnus will learn along with Alec as their years continue.

Alec learns the first way when Magnus cups his cheek, pulling him in and watching Alec’s eyes take in the details of his own, smiling as their lips meet. They’ve lost count how many times the world fades around them, where the only thing that exists is the snow, the cabin, the one or two birds that chirp every morning outside -- and then there’s them, Magnus and Alec.

But Magnus pulls away after Alec pushes him down, the blanket falling to the floor which Alec picks up, not wanting it to get dirty. It’s his gift from Magnus, after all.

“I need to speak to you about something, before I forget.” placing a hand on his chest, Magnus smiles to reassure there’s nothing to worry about.

“Oh?” Alec sits back, leaning against the back of the couch as Magnus stays where he is.

“It’s something… _serious._ But it’s not anything to worry about, really.”

“When you say you wanna’ talk about something serious, it usually involves the _C-word.”_

“What--” Magnus takes a double check of his expression, gradually smirking as Alec becomes more and more irritated. “Did you just call the Clave the _C-word?”_

 _“Ugh._ That name ruins everything.”

“They do, but you’ll have to deal with them eventually.” he smiles at Alec’s irritated exhale, and he doesn’t blame him for not wanting to involve himself with such hypocrites.

He’d gladly ignore the Clave for the rest of his immortal existence if he could -- Magnus thinking the same -- because he’d rather spend as much as he can with Magnus. Running isn’t a life that’s worth it in the end, and Alec concluded that a long time ago when Magnus was becoming a big part of his life. Now, it’s no different, but the _running_ part is simply Alec just ignoring the Clave.

“What is it you want to talk about?” at least he’s willing to listen. Alec can’t say no to that face for long.

Plus, he’s intrigued. Perhaps this is the _plan_ he’s heard spoken a few times while he was unconscious, echoing around his nightmares and taunting him that the world was still going on outside without him.

Pushing himself up, Magnus props his arm onto the back of the couch so he can rest his head there, one of his legs swinging off the foot of the couch and bumping into Alec’s now and then. Alec has noticed his relaxed posture over these few days, his usual stance becoming loose as the days go on. Perhaps the stress and weight of his life back in Brooklyn makes him so professional, but then again, the way he walks and talks _is_ Magnus.

Alec is concerned that Magnus really is exhausted beyond his limits.

Or, he’s simply free here, feeling safe to let his guard down and not hold his head so high. There’s still _Magnus_ in the way he speaks and the way his fingers move, a lot is still there, but Alec is finding new things about him that make him wonder what else there is to Magnus.

Maybe this is the Magnus around _Alec --_ the Magnus only _Alec_ gets to see.

“During those two weeks you spent away, Luke and I had a talk about moving forward.”

“Moving forward?” Alec places his hand on Magnus’ calf, gently moving his hand up and down his leg. He doesn’t realise he’s doing it subconsciously until Magnus looks down at his hand, and smiles.

“I could see the pain in your eyes when you left me that day. You were okay with running and jumping between shadows to see each other, but I could tell that wasn’t the life you wanted for yourself. I feel it was only then, in those two weeks, that you started to really want something for yourself. As in, who you wanted to be.”

Bringing up memories of that time, Alec finds that all the things he did was looking towards a future. Maia was helping him, and there’s no denying that she had a part to play in Alec wanting to find himself a proper life. A greater demon on the run may be thrilling, to play games and deceive like the demon he _was --_ but he wasn’t that in the first place.

He was a soldier, a brother, a son, a lover--

A _man._

“We debated to tell you about it, and eventually we decided on keeping it a secret between all of us -- except you.”

Alec frowns a little, taken back by how they’ve been hiding something from him all this time.

“Understand that we were skeptical. No one is more stubborn and old-fashioned than the Clave, and what we have in mind is going to rile the beast. But I’ll stop being cryptic and just tell you what it is.”

His hand stops on Magnus’ leg, eyes staying with Magnus’ in a moment of silence. It’s now or never, and finally, it’s _now._

“Luke and I, along with Catarina, Ragnor and Isabelle, are working on various things to help you back into the Shadowhunter ranks.”

Magnus feels Alec’s hand twitch against his skin, watching his frown lift into shock, and then utter confusion.

How?

_Why?_

“Magnus, you understand that’s impossible right? I have demon blood, and no amount of feathers on my wings will make me angelic.” defeated, Alec looks down, moving his thumb ever so gently over his skin, tickling Magnus a little.

“Oh, darling,” he reaches out with his spare hand, placing a finger under Alec’s chin to lift his head up. “You’re still more of an angel than demon.”

Tears smack against the backs of his eyes, and Alec has to close them to prevent them from falling.

To be called angelic when every part of you _isn’t_ anymore, when you want to be and remnants of being so are still there -- it’s painful yet so loving to hear those words. It’s striking for Magnus to think so holy of him when a whole timeline burned because of his recklessness.

But would Alec take it back?

No.

He’s thought about it before, that if whatever he did, if he could go back and change it -- he wouldn’t.

Alec, knowing what he’s done now, accepts that history is what it is, and even if he's given a ticket back on the rewind train, he’s not going to step on. He’ll live with what fate gives him, because running away isn’t on the agenda anymore, and making things _easy_ won’t necessarily make it easier in the long run.

But Magnus -- _his Magnus --_ he’ll always find a way to pick him up from the ground, to reach for him and pull him up even if he’s the one that threw him down. They both do it, back and forth, but that’s what keeps their foundations strong, because they’re always ready, always willing to take the next step and never afraid of the outcome.

This is a pretty big step, but it’s going to be one for the history books.

“Even if you say that, Magnus, the Clave isn’t you,” Alec takes his hand back from Magnus’ leg, fidgeting with the rings on his fingers, wondering if Magnus’ magic inside his chest gave him some of his style back when he became the Swordsman.

“They aren’t, but people are waking up. In fact, they already were a few weeks after I summoned you. Your lack of aggression and simple jokes actually amused them, and when you showed no harm, some people even asked to be moved to other sections of the Institute just so they could stop listening to the Inquisitor’s whining.”

Ah, that woman. She’s the one who almost broke them apart with false tales. Alec feels a spark of anger inside his chest, and it remains there, dim but alive.

“The Shadowhunter you injured even blamed himself and not you, aware he shouldn't have been so reckless. Luke was the one who started it all, the idea to bring you back into the ranks.”

“I’ve never met Luke, have I?”

“No, but you will, soon enough,” Magnus chuckles as Alec seems to gulp. “He’s one of the most down to earth people you’ll meet. The guy has a similar story to you, you know.”

Alec perks up at that, “A demon?”

“Well, demon blooded, I suppose. He was a Shadowhunter once, just like you. Shadowhunters have parabatai, essentially battle brothers or sisters that tie their soul to yours, and equally you share the strengths you both possess--”

“Wait, does that mean I have one-- or _had?”_

“I can’t say for certain, and I haven’t seen a scar shaped like a parabatai rune on your body. I did wonder at one point, but when I learned you passed,” both of their hearts sink at the reminder, and it feels like a cold wind brushes over their skin. “The bond would have no doubt broken, and if the angels didn’t remove it themselves, then they would have remembered you easily.”

“Oh,” he nods, not sure how to feel about leaving what seems to be another brother or sister behind if he had one. “So there’s no way for me to find out who it is?”

“Not that I’m aware of, no,” Magnus reaches out for his hand, squeezing it gently, trying to comfort him and not let his regrets dig too far into his lungs. “I’m sorry Alec. Maybe one day, we’ll find them, or find anew.”

Alec can’t decide right now, no matter how much it hurts that someone is out there feeling a little hole in their soul, wondering why they never seem to be able to heal it.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I made you go off topic.”

“Alexander, it’s fine. You’re allowed to be curious. Like I said, Luke’s story is similar to yours in some ways, and you may be able to find hope in it. When you meet him, you’ll be able to talk to him and seek advice, because even if I’m older than him, he has experience I don’t.”

“So he was a Shadowhunter before, right? How did he become demonic?”

“His parabatai left him for dead when he was bitten by a werewolf. He made a choice to either turn and say goodbye to his old life, or--” Magnus swallows, looking down, the words heavy on his tongue. He can’t say it, not when there’s so much surrounding that now and how much it relates to Alec.

But Alec catches on, brushing his thumb over the back of Magnus’ hand. His smile is there to reassure him, and Magnus nods, continuing.

“He decided to keep going, and with that, he lost his runes -- his old way of life. Instead of crushing him, it made Luke stronger, even more so than he already was. As a Downworlder, he started to help people who were new to our world, just like I promised to help, and eventually this little group of people started to form and unite the Downworld. Because even though we’re under the same name, we are very different because of _who_ we are, who we make ourselves to _be.”_

“A noble man,” states Alec, making Magnus nod in agreement.

“He is. He really is,” thinking of him for a moment, he remembers the determination in Luke’s eyes as he explained the plan, giving Magnus pros and cons like he’s made a forty page essay on Alec’s chances and outcomes. “And for him to believe in you, even though he hasn’t even _seen_ you baffles me. His heart is too good for this world, but I’m thankful he’s here, we _all_ are.”

“I feel bad I haven’t met him yet.”

“Don’t be. He’s a busy man, and he explicitly wanted not to see you while he’s working on this.”

“Wow -- really?”

Magnus hums, taking his hand back and lifting it to Alec’s cheek, thumb moving over his stubble, “He doesn’t need to know much to understand the worth of a person. By that I mean a person’s goal to be better, and at first he had no trust for you considering your backstory. All it took was me explaining how much I felt for you, how much you felt for _me_ for him to understand.”

When Alec meets Luke, that’ll be his chance to know more, to ask if Magnus smiled when talking about Alec or if he cried. Either way, Alec thinks he’ll make good friends with Luke, and to meet someone who’s lost the same runes, the same life -- it’ll make him feel less alone.

“Your advice has helped me too, Magnus,” he moves his head to the side and back so his lips fall into Magnus’ palm, kissing softly as he closes his eyes. “I can sense how guilty you feel that you can’t help me with this part of my pain.”

“I can’t help it,” the warlock replies, moving closer as Alec nuzzles into his palm, breathing in as the comfort from Alec swoons him. “I’m in love with you, and I want to help you feel happy. To feel accepted.”

Pausing, Alec opens his eyes to see Magnus is already looking at him, and the demon shakes his head slightly. Magnus is confused as to why he seems so against that.

“Do you not realise how much I feel accepted with you around? How much you make me happy to the point where I can’t find words to explain _how_ much? Just you being here, wanting to help, staying by my side and _loving_ me is beyond what I deserve. I-- I can’t thank you enough, and to hear you trying to get my old life back in whatever way you’re doing it, I don’t know how to feel.”

“How do you feel right now? Knowing this?” hearing the _thump thump thump_ of his own heart thunder in his ears, Magnus tries to swallow the sob that _leaped_ from his lungs at such words from Alec.

He’s trying to hide the way his hands shake from that confession, and Alec doesn’t seem to notice, as if the words he speaks of are so undeniably accurate there’s no room for error. Alec means everything he said, leaving them in Magnus’ hands to hold closer, but they feel strange. He’s never had such words said to him, at least not so _sincere_ and down to earth. The demon spoke from the heart, and anyone who dares say he doesn’t can answer to Magnus.

However, Alec looks torn at that question, and Magnus doesn’t expect him to be ready to answer yet considering he’s only just become aware of the situation. Being full of surprises, though, Alec smiles, huffing like he can’t believe he’s somewhat _happy_ about this.

“I’m content as I am, because I had so much time mourning over what I was. Until now, I was fixed on believing that the blood in my veins will keep me as exactly that, and the scars on my skin are what’s left to mock me,” looking to his right, Alec watches the fire twitch from side to side, snaps of the wood bringing him unusual calm. It’s relaxing, to say the least. “But if you’ve found a way, I don’t see why I can’t try to fulfil whatever you’ve set out for me.”

“It’ll be a long road.”

“Mmm,” Alec turns back to Magnus, his expression stern. “I’m not going to do it if it means bringing others down in the process -- especially you, Magnus. I’ve hurt you enough over these past few months, and I’m not going to do it again.” his fists clench at where they lay.

“Unfortunately,” that dreadful word brings a shadow over Alec’s face that Magnus feared would happen. “We’ll have to take that risk.”

 _“No --_ I’m not doing this, not if I’m going to rip down everything you’ve built, what _we’ve_ built.”

“Do you not think we did _before?_ My reputation could have suffered for dating a Shadowhunter _just as much_ as yours for dating a Downworlder -- even more so _publicly_ because there wouldn't be much holding us back otherwise, nothing more than centuries old laws and bigoted officials.”

He doesn’t seem to accept that very well, but at least Alec is still looking at him, listening and hoping there’s a way this’ll turn out okay for all of them.

“This is different, Magnus.”

 _“Nothing_ is different!” he doesn’t realise he’s raised his voice until Alec looks away, ashamed in himself for not understanding Magnus’ view on this.

A heavy silence rolls over them, and Magnus can’t take his eyes away from the conflict on Alec’s face. He can see the questions from the darts of his eyes, turning his rings on his fingers.

“Alexander,” with a soft voice once more, apologetic in the undertone, Magnus tries to say what his heart feels. “To me, nothing has changed. Our paths were different getting here, yes, but the outcome is still the same.”

“We don’t know that yet.” Alec’s voice is so small, wanting to hide away but also wanting to make Magnus see sense that this is _dangerous._

“We don’t. Not unless we try.”

“I know the outcome you’re thinking of -- that we’ll be _together,_ that even when what happened to us tore us apart, we found our way back. I -- what if that happens again? What if they hurt _you_ because of what I am? Because you chose to believe in me when everyone else didn’t?”

He’s shaking now, and Magnus reaches out, cupping the demon’s face, shifting closer so his leg sits against Alec’s.

“That’s a battle we’ll fight when it arrives.”

Alec sucks in a breath, closing his eyes as pure _fear_ washes over him. Then he’s dropping his head, Magnus’ hands moving to the back of his neck because of that, and the tension in his shoulders returns in _buckets,_ his body trying to squeeze in on itself as if he’s fighting another battle inside his own body.

“I don’t want to fight,” it’s quiet the first time he speaks, but the second, it’s loud and clear for it to strike against Magnus’ throat. “I don’t want to fight anymore.”

All this time, he’s been ready along with Magnus to punch through concrete. Their wish to stay together and battle through obstacles has always been strong -- _unbreakable._ It’s a testament to how well they’ve kept that wish after Alec’s fall.

And when that wall was built to separate them-- the memories taken and used to cement those bricks together, thicker and thicker so one single punch can’t break even the _first_ layer -- Alec and Magnus couldn’t hear each other, couldn’t feel each other.

They’d forgotten each other behind layers and layers of lies, hatred, fear and the burning cries of Alec. Magnus didn’t hear any of it.

Each step they made, each punch to the wall was another failed attempt at even making a dent.

But Magnus said yes to the deal, and the first crack in the wall appeared -- _hope._

“Nothing is impossible Alec. Look at you, look at me -- look at _us._ We’re not meant to be, even more so now, but we’re still in love, still fighting for our rights and countless others. The angels weren’t just scared of me, they were scared of you too.”

After countless months, his knuckles are bruised and broken beyond compare, the dust of the wall behind him, crumbling bricks kicked away by tired feet.

Now, he can kiss Magnus, hold him, tell him he loves him. He knows about his past which breaks the layer of wall he never thought he’d break, and then the last moment where that section shatters -- _acceptance._

Alec looks up to Magnus, the warlock’s hands settling on his cheeks, thumbs rubbing just under his eyes.

This is the last battle.

The last wall that separates them, and Alec has no energy to punch anymore, sliding to his knees as his hands shake. He thought it was over, that the smile he could see on Magnus’ face was real, open arms calling out to him -- but the wall builds itself in front of him, and before he can jump over and reach for his lover, a final wall roots itself to the floor, reaching high into the sky and past heaven’s gates.

_The Clave._

“I feel as if this is a battle we haven’t fought before, at least not yet,” Alec says, and his voice is so quiet that Magnus fears he won’t hear it if he doesn’t pay attention. “I’m scared of losing you in the most painful way possible.”

“What’s that?” he fears asking, but a shared burden is a burden halved.

Alec bites his bottom lip, bringing his own hands up to hold Magnus’ wrists, soothing his fingers up to the backs of his hands.

“Losing yourself.”

At first, he doesn’t understand him. But then Alec squeezes his wrists gently, and the inhale that parts his tense shoulder blades tells Magnus everything.

“Because last time, I lost myself, and in turn -- you lost _you.”_

“I was angry, Alec--”

“We don’t know how the Clave will react. They’re more manipulative than me, and only the angels know what they’ll do to _everyone_ I choose to love and hold close because of what I am now. I’m a failure in their eyes, a _traitor_ because of my actions and following what my heart wanted,” his hands press a little harder, not uncomfortable, but Magnus can tell he’s trying to control the rage and sadness boiling inside of him. “Emotions are nothing but a distraction to them, and if we waltz in with a love story, demanding change and that _I’m not who they say I am --_ they’ll laugh at us. They’ll laugh at _everything_ we’ve built.”

On the verge of breaking, Alec opens his eyes, and the moment they capture Magnus’, the squeezing of his wrists fade to nothing but a gentle hold.

“They’ll laugh at what makes me happy. They’ll curse us and punish us for the blood in our veins, and I don’t -- I don’t know if I can stop my demonic blood from controlling me if they hurt anyone I hold close.”

“That’s what we’re working on.”

The statement doesn’t quite hit him until the silence grows heavier, and with that, Alec searches in those brown shards of Magnus’ eyes for the answers he needs.

“My blood?”

“Not exactly,” he takes his hands back, opening one hand so his palm faces the ceiling, the other hand slowly rotating over the top. Once magic starts to vibrate between the two hands, he snaps two fingers together with his thumb, a journal appearing in the palm of his hand. “Catarina will hate me for showing you this, but it’s explained better in this book. Isabelle and Catarina are the masterminds behind it, after all.”

Magnus _has_ been involved, but Catarina and Isabelle have been piloting the project.

The journal is worn, a few pages sticking out the side, extra notes thrown in as they’ve found out answers to their problems. A single red string wraps around it to keep it together, a navy blue cover, spine and back encasing the pages into a slim, tall shape.

A piece of masking tape is placed on the corner, one end ripped and the other cleanly cut. Black pen is written on that very tape, and Alec takes the book from Magnus’ hand to read it.

 

_SWORDSMAN NOTES_

_GUARDIAN PROJECT_

 

“Guardian project?” he rubs his thumb along the spine of the journal, feeling the rough bumps and wrinkles from constant use of opening and closing the book. It’s just bigger than his hand in size.

Smiling at Alec, he nods, gesturing for him to continue, “This is how we’ll get the Clave to accept you, as well as other Downworlders. You’ll be the man to carry the flag, in a way.” he’s proud of that, and with Alec finally about to know how, he’s hopeful that Alec can envision the future easier with this knowledge.

Hesitant, Alec doesn’t open the book until Magnus settles a hand over his, soothing him with a little comfort. It’s not easy, especially when Alec knows there’s a bounty of notes in here all about him, his powers, his _future._

Alec doesn’t want to read something he’s going to worry about, to fear that it’ll go wrong.

Taking a deep breath, Alec opens the journal to the front page, Magnus’ hand now on his leg and giving comforting tickles along his skin, just like he did for Magnus not long ago.

The first thing he sees is a replica of Alec in illustration form, on his knees, clutching his hands over his chest and crying. His tears are like a stream as they fall to the floor, mixing with the body of water he sits in. He hasn’t seen this rendition before, so Catarina and Isabelle must have done some digging.

There’s a few more, Alec depicted as a bloodthirsty warrior, a crazed knight, even a draconic creature that towers above the spires in Edom. He’s not sure about these legends, but the angels were thorough when making his backstory, it seems. Or at least, they tried.

He wonders if the entire book is just drawings of him, but the pages are loose, and he feels they’re additions to the front. Alec can see that the left side of the pages are ripped, presumably from other textbooks and placed inside for reference. Perhaps reference for when they talk to the Clave about their countless lies?

Upon reaching the last illustration, he immediately notices something different.

This one is the only drawing that isn’t finished, various pen scratches and signs of sketching still there underneath the linework. Out of all of them, this is the only page attached to the book’s spine, and with that, it’s the very first page.

It’s Alec, for sure. He’s standing on his own two feet, head down but not in defeat. Wings sprout from his back, but only one is inked, and the sword is simply sketched in his hand as he leans on it, the blade pointing towards the floor.

There’s something around his neck, highly detailed in the pen work, and Alec brings the book closer to try and see it more clearly. A necklace, of some sort.

“Clary is good, isn’t she?”

“Clary?” Alec hasn’t heard that name before.

“A fellow Shadowhunter, Isabelle’s parabatai,” he chuckles at Alec’s shocked face. “Looks like your sister still has some talking to do, hmm?”

He hasn’t seen Isabelle since Christmas, so he hopes he can see her soon, even if it’s just for a hug. At least she knows he’s okay, and Magnus wanted them to see each other before they came here. Isabelle said no, wanting to focus on this very project so Alec can come home and _stay_ home.

“I didn’t know she had one.”

“Clary hasn’t been around much. She’s aware of your existence and what they plan to do to help you,” Magnus spots the momentary panic. “Do not worry, Clary is someone I trust. I knew her mother well, and their hearts are made of gold. She’s helping design various things for you.”

“Design?” Alec cocks a brow.

“Everything needs order, and some of the things we’re working with are tricky if we don’t plan ahead. We want you to look and feel like a guardian, rather than just stitched together in odd places.”

There’s that word again -- _guardian._

 _“Alright --_ what’s this _guardian_ the book mentions? Now you’ve said it too.”

“It’s not a new title for you. You’re still very much the Swordsman, but the view people have of you is not that at all. When they think Swordsman, they think demon, dark magic, evil. When they think of your name, we want them to think of a _guardian_ instead. Little things like that will help in the long run.”

So, it’s a spring cleaning of his image, or _mental image._ Alec would be lying if he said he didn’t find that a little _cool._ Madzie has called him a guardian angel before, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Madzie played a part in picking that name.

Alec turns another page, and the notes fill from top to bottom, page after page for what seems like 10 or 20 pages. It’s all chemical formulas, various materials for potions and their properties. Ticks and crosses are put next to names but never over them incase they have to fall back and start again, lines connecting one ingredient to another and then back again like a never ending maze. He’s not entirely sure what it’s for, but the closer he gets to the end of these types of notes, a few materials are repeated over and over. One he recognises more over the others--

 _Adamantium --_ the same material as the Soul Sword.

There’s a few ink blotches, but the final few scribbles are dating the success of the materials they’ve been testing, and the words _talisman charm_ are highlighted in green.

_Talisman charm?_

They’re making something for him?

Alec quickly flicks his gaze up to Magnus, whose smile stretches from ear to ear. He seems happy about this page, like he’s the one who wrote some of the words or participated in the final test himself.

He turns the page again, immediately gripped by the image of the Soul Sword on the right, various labels around it that Alec skips over, because the drawing beside it is much more interesting. It’s almost simplified, but powerful.

“We all know your demonic urges are dangerous, and because of who you are and your tendency to be a big softie, you’re left vulnerable to other demons who want nothing but to entertain themselves. This charm will help you _and_ us see the signs before your demon blood spikes. It’s similar to a necklace I gave your sister once, and with such a device, it’ll help the Clave calm down about the dangers of you losing control.”

Brushing two fingers over the drawing, Alec imagines the metal will be cold, a little sharp at the end like a point. He’ll gladly wear it to provide safety for not only others around him, but for himself.

“It’ll be made with the metal from the Soul Sword, and hopefully, with your help, we’ll be able to melt the instrument down into its basic components -- such as the metal and the angelic blessing, which _that_ we’ll put into--” he sits forward, taking the page as Alec removes his hands, flipping to reveal a whole new page of drawings. “--this.”

Alec is met with a drawing of his back, bold, black lines spanning over the expanse of his skin. “A tattoo?”

“Yes, or a _rune.”_

Magnus hears him gasp, biting his lip for a moment as his eyes follow the lines of black. There are two lines travelling from his shoulder blades to his lower back, turning in at a sharp angle but never touching at the bottom of his spine. The end of those lines travel back up, thinner than before in thickness as they rise up to his neck, stopping at the nape. Pointed wings, a total of three feathers on either side, reach out proudly, the inside of their shapes hollow. It’s all line work, delicate in detail in some places. An extra feather, which equals a fourth sprouts out to his shoulders, wrapping around his arm and thinning out towards his elbows.

“My skin isn’t capable of holding runes, I can’t possibly obtain this.” painful as it is to admit, Alec hopes there’s some way he can. Even if his scars mock him, looking at this gives him hope that maybe all isn’t lost of his Shadowhunter past.

“You are bound to the sword, and even though it’s mostly demonic now, the foundations of its core are made with angelic forging. The one thing the Clave won’t like is their instrument being waved around by a demonic being, so we’ve found a way around that,” Magnus flips another page, the crackling fire starting to dwindle beside them. “Isabelle and Catarina have cleverly designed this rune to be _made_ from the metal of the sword, turning it into ink, and once it’s complete, it’ll feel like the sword is part of you and not an extension.”

“But then I won’t be able to use it,” he catches Magnus’ smirk, and in turn, he finds himself smirking. “I’ll be able to summon it from the rune, won’t I?”

“Correct!” his chirpy tone sets off sparks inside Alec’s chest, a little excited himself at the possibilities this could give Alec. It’ll make a world of difference to Alec’s confidence and control over his demonic powers. “Think of it like my magic inside your chest, the sword will always be with you, and you’ll be able to pull it from the depths of your soul like it’s sitting in another dimension somewhere.”

“Okay,” Alec breathes, “That's fucking _cool.”_

Magnus laughs, placing a hand on Alec’s shoulder and squeezing. “This means the Clave will see you as a mortal instrument. I know it sounds horrible and they’ll use you, but it’s a step into the ranks of the Shadowhunters again. You'll be _complete,_ and hopefully that tether between you and the sword will be fixed when you acquire that rune. I’ll be there by your side to make sure they don’t order you around, and you’ll explicitly be under the protection of the High Warlock of Brooklyn.”

There’s a moment of fear that he’ll be moving to some other district, but then he remembers that Magnus _is_ the High Warlock of Brooklyn. It’s silly of him to forget, but in such a moment his mind is jumbled with different scenarios and questions as to how this’ll work.

“That puts a target on your back.” the demon cringes, because it’s horrifying to think that Magnus won’t be able to have time to help his people if he’s spending most of it protecting Alec from a sneaky seraph blade.

“As a Downworlder, I always have. The Clave doesn’t give me a free pass simply because I have so much power and status. If anything, that makes my situation worse. I’m always in the light, and even now I’m still meant to be helping them find _you._ I’ll always be their little tool to help fix things they break, but that’s going to change. You’ll help more than me and a few others -- you’ll be helping _everyone.”_

Back in the other timeline, Magnus truly believes they would have found a way to do this. He _feels_ it, _knows_ it because of the pure happiness on Alec’s face. He thought he’d always be a monster, cursed to carry a burden and never be able to right his wrongs or serve any sort of purpose -- but he can.

Alec can be the guardian of not only Magnus but the entire Downworld. Eventually, _hopefully,_ the two sides will join, and together they’ll be a couple that both Shadowhunters and Downworlders respect and look up to for advice and guidance.

They’re not doing it because they want fame, to feast on riches and have enough to last their immortal years -- they’re doing it because they believe in their hearts that the Shadow World could be so much more at _peace._

No wars, no endless arguments and trials.

They’ll accept Alec or throw him back to the pavement. Magnus will make sure it’s the first.

Closing the book with his own hands, Magnus takes it back once Alec willingly lets it fall. He returns it back to Catarina’s place for the book in her apartment with the same snap. Sparks fly from the contact, and Alec just _breathes,_ closing his eyes as he relaxes.

“It's a lot to take in, but I want you to know that nothing you've seen will happen unless you're happy with it. We can make changes or adjustments easily.”

He doesn't think Alec is listening until he opens his eyes, smiling at his lover as if he's ready to answer. In reality, he's not though, and his smile is simply a little comfort for Magnus that it's not a definite no.

Deep inside his heart, a pain starts to grow, a future regret that he may have to face, to make an important decision that'll cause pain to more people he loves. If he accepts this plan, if he transforms into something the Clave will grow to accept, then maybe it's worth it and the amount of lives he'll save.

“I don't know, yet,” Alec starts, sitting up and looking to the fire once more. “There's so much riding on this, and if it all goes wrong, there's nothing we can do to reverse it. All of this, all of what we've rebuilt has already taken so much -- tears and pain, and if the Clave crush that -- I don't want to make you go through it all again.”

There's conflict in his eyes -- between wanting to be stronger for the world, or accepting what he has now and being happy with it. He already _is_ happy, and despite the shakeup of Christmas day and the events after, Alec is still learning to live with the fact he'll always lose a little control. He can't help it when Magnus makes him strong yet so weak at the same time, an anchor that grounds him when he's lost and hands that pull him from the depths

Alec has so much to thank Magnus for, and he's so painfully distraught at trying to figure out what to do. If he'd been told this the day the plan was born, he flat out would have said no. That's because he doesn't want precious time wasted on himself where their efforts could be focused elsewhere. He feels selfish to take countless hours from Catarina, giving Isabelle restless nights because of the Institute on her back, and then Magnus--

“I heard you cry while you were asleep.”

Magnus freezes, the memory of having that first sleepless night here. Alec wanted to reach out and comfort him, but all he could do was listen, his muscles cramped with exhaustion, falling deeper and deeper but pulled back by sobs.

“I hate when you cry,” Alec still isn't looking at Magnus. “When I was lost in the void, I couldn't do anything to help you. But this time, I was here and I _still_ couldn't do anything. My body just wouldn't listen to me, I was so tired and broken-”

“Alexander,” the demon's words turn to mumbles, his breath shaky as a swirl of uncertainty pools in his stomach. “That isn't your fault.”

“It _is,_ Magnus. You felt helpless to save me, and that first night we were here, you finally let go because of all the pain you felt about us. I should have been there -- I should have done something--”

A forehead bumps against his, and when Alec looks up, Magnus is right there, eyes shining with brilliance.

“The amount of empathy you have amazes me. Your care for such little things that shouldn't bother a demon, and that's proof that none of you is the monster that resides in you. Alexander, you're charmingly unique, and every part of you wants to help, but you crush your own potential through fear.”

“Can you blame me?” Alec chuckles, sour in tone like he's trying to hold back a sob. “I'm tired of people suffering because of me. Most of the time I can't even help them, or I do and it just makes it worse.”

 _“Stop --_ please,” he doesn't see Magnus do it until he feels it, but there are hands on his shoulders, gently squeezing. “You haven't hurt me.”

“Then why did you cry that night?”

It's like a bullet through the chest, because he can't lie.

He _was_ hurt that night -- but it wasn't the only thing he felt.

Magnus cried that night because he had Alec back, scenarios jumping from one to another at what could've happened if Magnus _never_ found out. Then there was the thought of not giving Alec that chance, to say yes to that deal and watch him slowly crumble to insanity.

 _That's_ why he cried -- the fine line between what happened and what _could_ have been.

And he's scared because it's not over, probably never will be.

Inside, it felt like his heart was being squeezed, twisted and pulled from his body. He started to bully himself, speaking thoughts about figuring it out quicker, that if he _truly_ loved Alec -- he wouldn't have forgotten him.

He's worried that all they have planned will go wrong, and the safe little bubble they have now will never repair, that it'll suffer a constant drain until there's nothing left. Magnus may have magic to call upon, but when his body is so torn and ripping apart at the seams -- that control _breaks._

It's why he lost himself back when Alec was dying in his arms, because he could feel himself breaking, could feel the cold in his heart turn to unearthly heat, swarming his thoughts with repetitive hatred that shook his hands.

Alec is the person to heal that hole in his heart, but once it's gone--

_Everything breaks with it._

A chain reaction, a line of dominoes as they fall one by one. He could feel himself breaking down that night at just imagining the pain he himself went through. Alec was in a constant state of losing and holding on because of the magic inside, but Magnus was never in that push and pull. He was breaking more and more, wanting to fall through the floor and let it swallow him whole, hoping it’s all some ridiculous nightmare.

He can’t say Alec is wrong, but it doesn’t mean he has to be.

“You're right. You did hurt me,” Alec's face doesn't change, and it scares Magnus. “But that doesn't mean you're a bad person, Alexander. You did what you did because you saw no other way, that you wanted to save me -- how were you supposed to know Valentine was--”

“Valentine?” that name shakes the cage inside him. _“He_ did this?” Alec points to his own chest.

“Yes--” he grips Alec's face, seeing the red bloom over his eyes, “Don't forget I hurt you too. My magic held you, made you survive and spend time in Edom. I didn't know that was happening either.”

“That's different.”

Magnus wipes a tear that streams down Alec's face, the clench of the demon's jaw subsiding. “The most important thing is that you admit when you're wrong, and I don't see anything you've done wrong.”

“It was me, Magnus. When I lost control, that was still _me.”_

“But you don't want it to be, right?”

Alec shakes his head, looking utterly defeated. Magnus doesn't know how to put his thoughts into words, and as he struggles to find them, Alec takes a deep breath.

“I'll do it.”

“I'm not saying this to persuade you.’

“I know you're not, Magnus,” sighing, he takes Magnus’ hands away from his face, wanting to let him go, but his heart _stings_ at the thought. Alec takes his hands instead, playing with the rings. “I want to control it. I want to-- I want to be _me_ again.”

“And you are, Alexander,” Magnus places his forehead against his. “You fell into the abyss, but you didn't let it consume you.”

“I almost did.”

“But you _didn’t.”_

Gritting his teeth, Alec looks away, his leg bouncing as it makes contact with the floor.

“No one is perfect, Alec. We all make mistakes, we all hurt, we all cry,” he feels his heart warm again when Alec's grip becomes stronger. “It doesn't make you any less of a person. What makes you _human_ is admitting those mistakes, to learn from them.”

He prods Alec's chest as he breaks a hand free, knocking his torso back a little.

“And you? You saw faith in me, faith in Maia, faith in Catarina -- the list goes on -- and they'll sit here and tell you the exact same thing. The fact that you feel so strongly about this, that your first thought is the safety of me and the others, do you not realise that makes you _human?_ Your heart aches, right? Your lungs sting after we kiss for too long? Your fingers ache after chopping food?”

Alec nods, finally letting the gates open, releasing the knots and dust he’s held inside for so long.

“You're no demon to me, Alec, the blood that runs through your veins is. With that fact that you're part of a supernatural world doesn't make you normal either, it doesn't stop you from wanting that. Alexander Lightwood you're the shittiest demon I've ever seen.”

Finally, he laughs, and the sound brings relief to Magnus, releasing the tension in his shoulders.

“I-- don’t know what to say. There’s a lot on my mind right now.”

And he doesn’t need to say anything new, anything forced to try and dull down the emotions bubbling through him. It’s scary to think that he can’t control them or understand them, especially when he’s got so far, having once dealt with that already. Alec’s torn between smiling or crying, because on one end of the spectrum, this is good, _mentally healthy_ news. On the other, it’s _terrifying,_ everything being an _if_ or a _but._ He hates that, the uncertainty.

Not knowing one _little thing_ about something is make or break in the Shadow World. Not knowing what the Clave will think except from how they’ve reacted to past attempts, they’re going on nothing except the sheer will to change legends.

“When you say you want to be you, do you mean a Shadowhunter?”

Alec ponders for a moment, “No. I'm past wanting to be that. It wouldn't feel right to bare their runes again after what happened. I just want to be _me,_ as in, I want to go to bed and wake up next to you. I don't want to be constantly worried about losing control and hurting the people I love. The charm you spoke of doesn't seem to null my powers, just warns me -- and anything to keep _you_ safe, me safe, everyone -- I want to do it.”

Giving him a smile, broken but beautiful, Alec slowly pulls him in by the back of his neck until their lips touch, where he waits for Magnus.

And he kisses him, softly, almost like he's afraid he'll break him.

“Fuck the Clave,” He tries to keep a straight face as Alec says that, but Magnus can't help himself, smiling a little. “I'm doing this for me, for us, for everyone that gave me a second chance.”

“Five minutes ago you were saying no.”

“Five minutes ago I was still thinking about the demons that haunt me. I'm tired of letting my fears control me,” Alec tilts his head into Magnus’, looking down to his lips. “Because when you're here, I feel weightless, I feel _stronger._ I don't feel afraid of taking a step forward when you're here with me.”

Alec kisses him again, pulling him into his lap as Magnus all but melts into him, hands around his neck as they move back and forth, chasing after lips like it's the oxygen they need to be breathe.

“You’ll do it?”

“Yeah,” breathless, Alec moves his hands up and down Magnus’ thighs, his thumb applying a bit more pressure. “I want this with you. If this helps -- I’ll take it. Not only that, but I’ll be going after the same goal as I was in my previous life. That’s important to me, and my goal to help two sides live in peace is _your_ dream as well as mine.”

“I’m glad you believe in us.” Magnus replies, placing a hand against his chest, letting his head rest against Alec’s.

“I believe in you,” bringing a hand up to his face, Alec cups his cheek, heart picking up speed when Magnus leans into his hold. “I always have.”

_Always--_

_He keeps saying that--_

_He really will be my always._

As Magnus’ thoughts dance, butterflies in his stomach fluttering about, he kisses Alec once more, slow and tender.

“And I have _always_ believed in you, Alexander.”

\- - - - -

 

He practically shoots up from his chair when the dial tone ends, and he’s not even sure if she’s picked up, but he starts speaking anyway;

“Maia! I need your help.”

_“Alec, you’re not meant to be using your phone--”_

“I need a suit. Like-- a _date_ suit.”

There’s a momentary pause, and Alec can hear sheets rustling on the other side, the faint voice of his sister.

 _God,_ it still feels weird to think that-- not the fact that she’s there but the fact that she’s his sister. And months ago, she wasn’t. Well, she _was_ but Alec didn’t know and his head is too jumbled from excitement to think about this.

He’s finally going on a date. A real date.

A date with Magnus Bane.

_“You’re going on a date?”_

“Weird, huh?”

 _“No, dumbass,”_ Maia chuckles to herself, and Alec smiles as he nervously taps his fingers against the kitchen side. Magnus is asleep still, so this is the only chance he has to get some quick advice. _“Do you remember what I told you when I helped you plan it?”_

_Oh, yeah._

He’s been so focused on recovering and today’s date that he forgot about the one he’s been planning for almost _months_ now.

“To -- be myself?”

_“Yes! Exactly that.”_

“Being myself means naked because I wasn’t born with clothes, _right?_ So that doesn’t help me.”

Maia sighs, _“You know, I thought having you as a roommate was the worst thing ever, but having you as a friend is the worst thing ever.”_

“You love me.”

 _“Barely,”_ she scoffs, not being able to hide the smile in her voice. _“But honestly, I’m sure you’ll be fine going in jeans or whatever you have there. You two love each other far beyond what colour socks you wear, so just go with the flow.”_

It’s not helping his nerves, but the way Maia speaks the truth makes the demon smile, fiddling with the spoon that he picked out to stir his hot chocolate.

“But what if it’s a _really_ fancy restaurant, right? What would you suggest I wear?”

_“So you’re going ahead with the plan?”_

“Yeah -- well, tonight we’re having dinner here at the cabin,” Alec momentarily checks behind him and the entirety of the room before speaking, making sure Magnus isn’t here. “I’ll give him the box tonight, after we’ve eaten.”

 _“I’m so happy you are, Alec. He’s going to love it,”_ finally, Alec feels himself exhale. _“Okay, you Lightwoods look the same, and I’m no expert, but Isabelle looks gorgeous in blue. Go navy, or perhaps something generally a bit toned down in colour.”_

“Okay,” Alec mentally takes notes, tapping his fingers against the side, looking out to the snow. “Navy blue, got it.”

_“I’ll send some pictures over on my phone, alright? That way you can magic them up.”_

Breathing a sigh of relief, Alec leans down into the side, closing his eyes for a moment as he tries to envision what the suit for himself might be like. If anything, he just hopes Magnus likes it.

“You’re a lifesaver, Maia. Thank you. I really owe you one.”

 _“Oh, I know you do!”_ her laugh makes Alec laugh. _“You owe me a holiday after all of this.”_

“I promise I’ll get one just for you,” he hears Maia’s _damn right_ just before she sips her coffee. “But really, though, thank you.”

There’s a pause, and Alec becomes worried that there’s still something to say, and Maia simply doesn’t have the nerve to do so, or she’s scared. Either way, Alec gives her time, and when she takes a deep breath, preparing her words, Alec realises how wrong he was to worry.

 _“I may joke to you about how annoying you are, but I’m so glad I did meet you. If I knew you before or not, that’s a maybe, but knowing you now is one of the things that makes me happy. Those two weeks were a real treat, and seeing you grow into the man you are now, going on dates, enjoying life? That’s all I wanted for you from the first day I saw you. If anyone deserves a second chance, it’s you, Alec,”_ Maia sniffs, and Alec can hear her take a moment to control a sob. _“You’re a good friend to me, Alec, and I love you, so please take this time to just enjoy it. Magnus loves you, like a lot, a stupid amount that makes me question it sometimes because your snoring is awful -- but that’s besides the point. Whatever you wear, I’m sure he’ll love the smile on your face more, and as long as you're happy, then he is too. Every love is different, but I can clearly see that he has a lot of love for you, and every day that goes by is another step that love grows. Because when I said home is two arms sometimes, I really mean it.”_

Left speechless and clutching at his shirt, directly over his heart, Alec looks down and smiles from ear to ear. He didn’t think words had such power like that, and he’s failed to see how powerful his words are to Magnus sometimes, but this right here is enough to make Alec’s heart sing.

Maia is his best friend, when at first, she wasn’t. She was simply a stranger with a kind heart and a long day on her books. Giving him a place to sleep, talking to him like she would any other mundane -- it set Alec on the path to recovery before he even knew what he was recovering from.

“Ah, shit,” Alec sniffs, wiping his arm under his nose to stop it from running, the words making him a little emotional. “I love you too, Maia. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I don’t know where I’d be right now if it wasn’t for you giving me that chance.”

 _“Nonsense. All I did was give you a free beer and a couch bed. You’re the one that did all this,”_ she stops, like she’s gesturing to the air. _“I simply gave you a pat on the back when you needed it.”_

“Not going to accept my thanks, are you?”

 _“Nope,”_ Maia laughs again. _“I’ll accept thanks as the day you buy me a beer instead.”_

“Alright,” smirking, Alec stands tall again. “Deal.”

_“Ah, nice try demon. I ain’t makin’ deals with you.”_

\- - - - -

 

Alec thanks the heavens above for Maia’s existence, multiple pictures of suits being sent to his phone which he can recreate with the little magic he can muster. Magnus started cooking for the date soon after they finished kissing on the couch, the _guardian_ project having been explained and given to Alec to think over. He honestly didn’t know how Alec would react to that news, but the common smile on his face is a good indication that it’s lifted some weight from his shoulders.

Now, he can focus on the _date._

With the sudden panic to find a suit on his mind -- knowing Magnus is going to look his absolute best in anything he wears -- Alec rang Maia. He wants to impress, to make an effort for a moment they may never get again if fate is cruel to them. It has been for most of their time together, and they’re thankful for the days like this where fate doesn’t seem to be paying attention.

He’s helped prepare most of the ingredients and early preparation of the food such as chopping and preheating. There was a moment where Alec couldn’t stop laughing, because when he was chopping vegetables, Magnus decided to come up behind him and put an ice cube down his shirt.

They must have chased each other for a good minute, because Magnus ended up at the other end of the first floor as Alec hugged him, picking him up to twirl him around and tickle at his sides.

Once all the preparation is done, Alec makes sure to leap in front of the queue, much to Magnus’ dismay, winking as he closes the downstairs bathroom before the warlock can get there.

Magnus isn’t all too bothered, going back to set up the table instead, as he doesn’t even _think_ Alec is going to get ready.

But he is, and Maia and Isabelle are a force to be reckoned with when they’re together.

Alec freshens up, taking a shower, cleaning up his stubble shortly after. He ties a towel around his waist so he can head to the bedroom and get changed. Magnus isn’t there, much to his relief.

Out of all the suits they sent, the two of them quote one, saying that as a final decision, they think he should wear that one. So he does, conjuring up the navy suit jacket, matching slacks and pointed, shiny black shoes. Underneath that suit jacket, he buttons up a black suit shirt, tailored to fit in all the right places thanks to his magic. Madzie’s little protection bracelet stays, and he finds himself smiling at it when he’s finished dressing.

Maybe their time here is thanks to Madzie’s bracelet, giving them the luck they need.

Adjusting his sleeves, he sprays cologne on one of his wrists, rubbing them together and then rubbing the excess onto the sides and front of his neck. He’s trimmed his stubble, and as he looks in the mirror, he’s pretty impressed with how well he cleans up.

He wore suits back in Edom, but they didn’t feel like his, not having a real purpose other than looking and meaning business.

The suit he wears now is for a _date._

Taking a deep breath, he walks out the bedroom, hands in his pockets shortly after he closes the door. When he reaches the kitchen, he finds Magnus still in one of Alec’s shirt he threw on the couch yesterday, still in his boxers and looking through the cookbook for more ideas. Magnus stocked the cupboards full of food before Alec gave him a magic ban on the first day here, so he’s always looking for something new and exciting to make.

He’s never really had the chance, so this is a good time to try things out.

Alec stands there, watching him purse his lips as he turns another page, only looking up when he hears a timer go off. That’s when he picks up the wooden spoon he’s using to stir the sauce, turning around to see Alec standing there.

He stops, momentarily floored. The spoon drops to the floor.

Inside, Alec feels himself becoming giddy, a blush creeping up the back of his neck as Magnus’ jaw practically _drops._

And Magnus just thinks -- _good lord, there’s nothing angelic about that suit._

“Alexander, I’m not even ready yet,” Magnus leans down to pick up the utensil he dropped in his moment of shock. “You look ready to steal the show and I look like the person who cancelled their plans to go.”

“I know I know, I’m sorry,” laughing a little, Alec looks down, trying not to blush more and miserably hating his body as it doesn’t listen to him, feeling his cheeks warm. “I was just -- I’m excited. That’s all.”

“Well,” Magnus says as he stands up again, rolling the spoon in his fingers and doing a once over of Alec’s new suit. “You look _incredible.”_

“Ah, thank you.” he takes a second to process the words in his head, shuffling on his feet when Magnus starts to walk over.

“Did you use my cologne?”

“Oh,” Alec lifts his own wrist to his nose, feeling his stomach drop. _“Oh,_ I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he takes the lapels of Alec’s suit jacket, running his fingers down the fabric and back up again. There’s a physical chill that runs down Alec’s spine from that. “It suits you.”

It’s a strong fragrance, but not potent. He smells manly, but with a little hint of something sweet if someone lingers too long, left behind in the trail as he walks around the cabin.

“I feel thoroughly underdressed, and I have never imagined myself saying that in a very long time. Looks like you’ve given me some competition, darling.”

The demon laughs, taking Magnus’ hand and lifting it to his lips.

“No need for one, not when you’ve already won.” he kisses the back of his hand then, looking to him as he smiles, watching Magnus’ face drop to borderline shock.

And then it curves into a smile, one where his eyes are glistening.

“A greater demon being a romantic, who would’ve thought?” warmth travels down his arm when Alec kisses him on the back of his hand again, moving a step closer so he can place a kiss against Alec’s lips, but he pulls away. “Hmm?”

“I have to go on a date with you before I kiss you, _right?”_

“I think it’s a little late for that, Alexander.” he chuckles as Alec snorts, cheeks going red at the thoughts of what they _have_ already done. It’s way past the first date rule by now, at least the one in his head from some of the movies he’s managed to watch at Maia’s.

“Well, you’re not wrong.”

They exchange smiles as they simply stand there, looking at each other like the world is in front of them. And to them, there’s nothing more true right now.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have a date to get ready for.” Magnus side steps, and Alec follows with his head.

“Oh, you do? What a lucky soul they must be.” he grins, cheeky, but also careful to not use a specific gender.

“Sometimes I think it’s me who’s the lucky one,” this time, it’s Magnus’ turn to render Alec speechless, looking at him as if to say; _what?_ “Because the days I am most happy, he’s there, _always.”_

Alec’s heart _soars_ at those words, actually having to grip the fabric over his heart to stop it from escaping.

Magnus mouths _I love you_ silently as he walks away, Alec watching him until he disappears around a corner. Alec’s cheeks hurt from smiling as he turns away, heading to the food to make sure everything is going smoothly, not being able to get the words Magnus said out of his head.

\- - - - -

 

“That was _amazing,_ Magnus.”

He feels giddy at the praise, watching Alec sigh and place a hand against his stomach, thoroughly happy with the food and the company. They’ll definitely have to do this more often.

“Want seconds?” he jokes, just about to finish his own food as well.

Alec groans, shaking his hand but looking regretful, _“God_ I want to, but I don’t think I can fit anymore. I already put way too much on my plate.”

Magnus laughs at his dopey smile, looking like he’s ready for bed as he leans back. Even though this is meant to be a date, and they’ve got dressed up formally with candles on the table and everything -- there’s a relaxing atmosphere. Alec doesn’t feel the need to be so locked up, afraid of saying the wrong thing or using his fork in the wrong hand.

“Is there a vinyl player here?” Alec asks, placing his fork down as Magnus finishes his food too.

Magnus looks up, chewing the rest of the food in his mouth and swallowing before speaking again.

“As far as I’m aware, yes. I always love having them, and I doubt I would have bought a cabin without one.” picking up his wine glass, he takes a sip, watching as Alec begins to smile.

There’s a flush to Alec’s cheeks, his tongue pushing at the side of his mouth as he thinks.

And then he’s standing up, brushing down his tie as he walks over to the fireplace, various cupboards hanging on either side in abstract shapes. Alec seems determined to find one, and Magnus doesn’t mind one bit as he seems intent on putting music on.

 _Wait --_ is Alec struggling to find topics to talk about?

Is he _nervous?_

Magnus places his glass back down, pushing those nerves back down into the roots of his spine as he watches Alec. With his back turned, he can _really appreciate_ how well fitted that suit is. The way he’s rolled up his sleeves, perfectly folded, two buttons open at the top of that black shirt, and then the strain as it tries to stay together when he moves his shoulders back.

He’s dangerously attractive, and Magnus finds himself tilting his head, propping his head up on his hand as he wonders exactly what he wants this vinyl player for.

Alec makes a sound of triumph as he finds it, bringing it down carefully and placing it on the coffee table. Hooking it up, he leaves the speakers out, wanting the crackly sound of the old ones, because to Alec’s delight this _is_ an old vinyl player. It must have been here after the construction of the cabin.

“I’ve seen the records, they’re in there,” pointing to a tall column of shelves off to the right towards the open space of the living room, Alec turns back to him and smiles.

“Thanks.” he says, and there’s a cheeky laugh afterwards, heading to where Magnus has seen the records.

Turning around in his chair, he follows Alec, playing with the cuff in his ear, starting to get a little nervous himself.

“Is everything alright, dear?”

“Hmm?” Alec doesn’t look at him as he uses two fingers to walk through the various records. “Of course, are you?”

Smiling again, Magnus taps his nails against his wine glass, “Just wondering why my date is setting up music so late. We’ve already eaten.”

Feeling himself blush, he stands back as he pulls out the one he’s chosen. He didn’t really think about music, probably because he just wanted the conversation between them like last time, to not have a background to distract them from thought.

Now, though, he wants the music for something else.

As Alec walks past him, back to the record player, he catches sight of the vinyl he’s chosen. He can recognise the cover but can’t quite put his finger on it just yet.

Taking off his tie, he gives Magnus a beaming smile as he turns around. He throws the tie to the chair beside him, offering out his hand as he walks back over to Magnus.

The scratch of the record player starts, the sound of trumpets and violins filling the air as Magnus holds his breath.

“Dance with me?”

Ever since Alec walked back in that one day to Magnus sitting there, vinyl player playing sweet, soft jazz through the speakers of his apartment, the scratchy sound of the record -- he’s wanted to listen to it again. He thought of dancing with Magnus then, knocking over things as they get used to each other’s steps.

A man’s voice flows from the record, simple yet exquisite, the instruments playing with him fitting _exactly_ right.

 _“_ You have taste.” Magnus perks a brow, laughing at Alec’s wink as Magnus takes his hand. “Of course I’ll dance with you, Alexander.”

Alec’s smile is contagious as Magnus takes his hand, pulling him gently to a stand and admiring Magnus’ elegant outfit once more. “Where do you think I got it from?”

Finding himself blushing, Magnus shakes his head, but there’s a smirk on his face as he follows Alec to the open part of the room. Candles still burn on their table as they walk past, dancing from the breeze they make as they do.

As the music carries on into its first verse, Alec keeps their hands together, while his other arm settles on his waist. Magnus’ free hand resting at the back of his neck.

“Wait, how do I do this?” he blinks, looking down to their feet and copying Magnus as he starts to move.

“You asked me to dance but you don’t know how?” Magnus throws his head back, laughing as Alec does himself. It’s not to bully him, but he just finds it so _adorable._

“Hey, I was nervous to ask. At least give me that.” as Magnus comes back to him, their eyes seemingly lock, and before they know it, they’re settling into a rhythm.

Magnus leans forward, resting his head on Alec’s chest, Alec leaning his head into his lover’s, closing his eyes as well. Their bodies turn slowly as the music from the vinyl wraps around them, lyrics making them smile as the crackle of the fire stays bright. It reminds him of a second Christmas, almost, with the snow outside and the stereo of a vinyl, the warm food and full bellies -- it’s lovingly domestic.

And they stay like that, Magnus making Alec spin on a later song, but for most of it, they gently sway, hugging. Magnus teaches him some steps, and Alec gets Magnus to twirl as the pop of a trumpet sounds, their smiles growing from ear to ear.

Eventually, the vinyl grows quiet, and before they know it, they’ve been dancing and swaying in each other’s arms for a good thirty minutes.

“One more?” Magnus asks, walking back over to the vinyl with a spring in his step.

“The _young_ one?”

“You read my mind!” he chirps, skipping back to the song they want.

As the happy trumpets sound again, Magnus winks as he walks back, doing a twirl before he holds Alec’s hands again.

_\- - - - -_

 

When the song ends, Magnus sips the last of his wine glass as Alec leaves to go to the bathroom.

He returns with his hands behind his back, a nervous smile on his face, Magnus raising a brow as he puts his glass back down.

“This is for you.” Alec presents a rectangular box from behind his back, a silver lock keeping the lid tied to the case. Various golden paint strokes warp and whip around the box’s cover, flowers and vines that seem unique with every single one. It’s hand painted, old in age, a little wear and tear on the bottom corners where it’s made contact with surfaces for what must be multiple years.

At first, Magnus doesn’t know how to react, even his face being void. There’s a tickle down his spine, and then the hairs on his arms stand, feeling what he wants to say get stuck in his throat -- because this box is beautiful, and Magnus hasn’t seen anything like this before.

 _“Alexander--”_ it may be just a box to someone else, but to Magnus, Alec took the time to find something that matches his style, his specific taste for the elegant and devine. “It’s-- _beautiful.”_

“Open it,” he smiles as he allows Magnus to take it with wary fingers. Alec finds it rather tear jerking that he takes it from him so gently, like this is the first gift he’s received in _years._ Omamori isn’t a gift, the coconuts and shirt weren’t really gifts -- and Alec will deny them being one even if Magnus said so -- but _this_ is a gift Alec has thought out. “Go on.”

“Do you-- do you mind if we sit down?” inquires Magnus, still looking at the box, brushing his thumb over the lock.

Alec nods, placing a hand on Magnus’ back as they walk over to the kitchen. Magnus perches himself on one of the bar stools, Alec walking around to face him as he stands up, leaning onto the counter as Magnus places the box down. There’s no sound when it makes contact with the wood, and Alec can’t contain his nervous smile as his fingers move to the lock.

He pauses, and Alec bites his tongue as Magnus looks up to him.

“It’s not a prank, is it?”

He coughs, feeling those exact nerves jump from his throat, “No, no no.”

“Just checking.”

“You don’t trust me?” he actually looks nervous as he says that.

Magnus just smiles, looking straight into his eyes as he speaks, “I trust you.”

Exchanging glances, they smile and blush at such a simple word, a word that means so much to them, a word that to anyone outside their relationship won’t really understand why.

Clicking the lock open, Magnus gets that same cold tingle down his spine from nerves again, taking hold of the lid with both hands and lifting it up.

There, on the inside, are four tickets, shimmering from the candles that hit the surface as soon as the lid settles back. Alec can see the colour reflect in Magnus’ eyes as he looks up to him, shock and confusion on his face.

“They’re tickets,” obvious, but Magnus needed confirmation. “I had this idea for a while.”

“They’re blank,” he’s confused even more when Alec just nods.

“Pick one up,” Alec points to the one on Magnus’ left. “That one.”

Magnus can feel magic hum from them, and as he reaches for the one Alec suggested -- the delicate gold feeling cold against his skin -- he senses _whose_ magic this is. It’s Alec’s, warm and humming with that little prickle of desire, warming the ticket as Magnus picks it up.

It reacts to the touch of his skin, ink written over the surface of that very ticket in careful, curling handwriting. Magnus admires the calligraphy for a moment as the words aren’t complete yet, but when they are, he reads it slowly, feeling butterflies in his stomach beginning to spring to life--

 

_Location One - London, England_

 

“Don’t tell me Ragnor put you up to this.” Magnus doesn’t know what to say.

Alec just laughs, shaking his head. “He gave me some advice, that’s all.”

“Advice for _what?”_

“Where to take you for breakfast.” his smile is so _god damn smug_ and so _god damn handsome._

Magnus has to check the ticket again, seeing that nothing has changed since the writing completed itself. He thinks he’s starting to understand it, and thankfully Alec doesn’t intend on teasing him anymore.

“Remember when I said I’d take you on a date?” he watches Magnus nod, looking at him now instead of the ticket. “Well, I kept that promise. During those two weeks, I asked Maia to help me plan as I’ve already told you, and the reason I needed help is that I wanted to do something special.”

“Alexander, you don’t have to do anything special. What we just had, that dinner, the dancing -- it was beautiful.” keeping the ticket in one hand, Magnus reaches for Alec’s hand that’s not far away from him, taking it and holding it.

“I know, but I wanted to do this for multiple reasons. One, is that you wanted to travel again. I put off places _I_ wanted to go simply because I always had hope you’d go with me. So, Maia helped me search places to go. You may have been there before, but I remember thinking that every place I’ll go will be different with you, and even if that isn’t the case, you’ll -- um -- still wanna’ go with me.”

Placing the ticket back, Magnus can’t put a name to the emotion that spreads like fire over his chest, warm and gripping.

“When we go to that location, you’ll be able to see the next location on the next ticket. At the end, you can keep them or just throw them away if you want. That’s if -- you go.”

Magnus gets out of his seat, and for a second, Alec thinks he’s said something wrong, standing back up and watching Magnus walk around to where he stands.

“I--”

Alec doesn’t get chance to speak, as Magnus grips his face gently, placing his lips to his and muting the gasp that falls from Alec’s throat. He’s stunned, hands frozen in the air as he kisses back, and Magnus keeps going, no signs of stopping or needing air.

Finally, his hands come down to settle on Magnus’ hips, taking a few more seconds until he grips, pulling him close so their bodies stand flush together. Alec swears he hears Magnus whisper something as they break for what seems shorter than a second. He’d ask what it was, but he’s so distracted by Magnus’ lips, his hands moving down to his neck and that thumb pressing his apple, and then his breath as it fans over Alec’s lips. It makes them cold until they join again, a never ending cycle that has Alec’s mind fizzle out to nothing but _Magnus Magnus Magnus._

Magnus’ mind is all _Alec Alec Alec --_ feeling love blossom like fresh summer flowers in his lungs, spreading out to his fingertips where they start to have tints of red on their petals of gold. Kissing Alec like this leaves him breathless, because they just _fit,_ nothing rushed and nothing more, speaking words through lips as their heads tilt, getting the best angle they can even though each one feels similar but different in its own way.

But eventually, he does break away, a little smug as Alec’s lips follow his, stealing a few more, which turns into more and more as Magnus swipes his tongue along his bottom lip.

“I love you, Alexander,” Magnus speaks against his lips, listening to the heavy sounds of his own breathing as well as Alec’s, the bass of their hearts thumping like drums becoming a steady backing track. “This is so thoughtful, I don’t know how to say thank you.”

Alec smiles, proud of himself, but it’s not a smirk or something playful -- it’s lovesick, tipping up on one side of his face more than the other, crinkling his eyes as Magnus strokes a thumb across his cheek.

“We can go whenever you’re ready,” he brushes a hand through Magnus’ hair, looking from his eyes to the way those locks move against his fingers. “And I think I know a way for you to say thank you.”

His little scrunch of his nose shows Alec’s being playful, and Magnus just sighs, laughing to himself shortly after. “And what is that?”

“To join me in the shower and watch a shitty movie before bed.”

Magnus doesn’t even need to think about his answer, reaching his hands back to the nape of his neck, bringing him closer to kiss him slowly, feeling Alec’s nose brush against his as they do.

“Sounds good to me, Lightwood.”

\- - - - -

 

It never gets old waking up next to each other. They haven’t done it many times before, but each they remember just as much as the last.

Alec’s little snores, his hand on Magnus’ thigh, thumb moving every now and then in his sleep. And then Magnus’ nails tickling Alec’s chest, tucking his head underneath his, legs tangled up and moving with each other when they roll over. Or if they aren’t tangled, they’ll always end up spooning or locked together in some way that keeps the warmth shared between them.

Like if Alec doesn’t manage to follow Magnus, he’ll search for his hand to hold, Magnus’ arm behind him as if he’s left it behind for the very purpose of Alec reaching out for it. Then there’s the time where Alec will roll to the edge, and Magnus loses contact, but he’ll reach out and touch with his feet, his hands -- anything to stay in contact, even if it’s just a fingernail.

This morning, they’re as close as can be, bellies sated from last night. Magnus’ fulfilling, tasty cooking. Alec helped, but he’d still call it Magnus’ food, since it _is_ his recipe.

Being so dark last night, Magnus forgot to shut the blinds, and a stream of sunlight breaks through the windows, reflecting off the lake and into their bedroom.

Their peace, however, is broken by a fire message falling from the ceiling into Magnus’ hand, effortless in catching it. Alec looks worried, but Magnus is confident with his smile as he sits up against the headboard.

_YOU ARE NEEDED BACK AT YOUR APARTMENT. MARYSE WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU._

“Maryse?” Alec questions, taking the note gently as he reads the words over again.

“Your mother.”

\- - - - -

 

The portal whistles shut behind them, the sight of Magnus’ bedroom a welcome but nerving one. They're back here because of a fire message, one that has Alec rushing to the door.

Magnus stops him, hand on his arm. He can feel Alec shaking.

“Let me speak to her first, okay?”

Alec bites his tongue, but he nods, letting go of the handle and standing back, “Okay.”

Giving a gentle kiss to his cheek and a comforting squeeze of his hand, Magnus leaves the bedroom, clicking the door shut silently behind him, a moment of guilt surfacing at keeping mother and son separated for just that bit longer.

To his surprise, Maryse is actually here, standing with her back to him.

“Maryse Lightwood?” Magnus keeps his tone down, not wanting to frighten her, but also not wanting to sound so audibly shocked.

As she turns, the smile is almost scary. He's never seen that emotion on her face before.

“Magnus Bane,” she starts, and Magnus finds himself blinking. Did she really just call him by his first name as well as his last? “It's good to see you.”

“Well, I have to be honest. I'm not sure I feel the same way.”

“Ah, well. That’s my fault.”

_God, is he dreaming?_

_This can't be real._

“Please do excuse me for being blunt, but why are you here?”

At Magnus’ words, she fidgets, taking a few deep breaths and preparing her words carefully.

“I came to speak to you.”

“Proceed.” he doesn't know if to be nervous or happy.

“First of all, I'm sorry,” he didn't think he'd ever hear those words from Maryse, so sincere and honest. “The last time I saw you, I was rude, and I will not use excuses to cover my actions. There was no need for how I treated you, and I am sorry.”

Nodding, Magnus leaves the conversation open for her to continue. It's not that he _thinks_ he deserves more of an apology, but Maryse seems torn on what to say. Does she say one thing and not another? How does she say sorry when there's so many years and stories of hatred between Shadowhunters and Downworlders?

“Magnus, you are a man of the future, of good fortune and wisdom. I was wrong to see you as a monster merely labeled by blood. That's not to say I'm still not cautious, but I'm beginning to learn and feel different about this world we ultimately share.”

“Thank you. I appreciate your words.”

“I'm not done,” she smiles, ever so small but still there. “Because I must admit to my wrongs.”

“And I thank you for that.” Magnus replies with a smile of his own.

Maryse's shoulders relax.

“Your views are to protect your people, to bring them good health and knowledge that will benefit the world. As for me, I was blinded by knowledge that was taught to control us, to reap the rewards of authority over the Downworlders -- and now to my recent knowledge -- our own soldiers.”

_Alexander._

“With the toxicity of my past relationship and the fog of the Clave clear from my eyes, I can clearly understand how wrong I was about you -- how wrong I was about everything.”

Magnus takes this chance to get his own few words in, “I don't hate you for what you've done, but I did feel offended by the way you addressed me and my fellow Downworlders. For you to come here and speak your apology in my own home? I never thought that day would come, but for the benefit of your people and mine, I'm glad this is a step in the right direction.”

“A much needed step.”

“I couldn't agree more.” Magnus steps forward, offering his hand for Maryse to take, which she does.

“Thank you for taking this time to see me.” she looks relieved, _younger_. There must have been a mountain of stress on her shoulders lifted because of recent events.

“I have all the time in the world for people who want to understand it.”

Laughing, Maryse steps back after their brief handshake, and her smile remains as she speaks again, “Oh how I wish I saw sense sooner.”

“It’s not easy when most of your life has been controlled by other people. They don’t exactly give you room to breathe, nor do they give you any time to learn new things. What they give you has been taught for centuries, and while the world changes around you, Shadowhunters are left following old traditions that simply don’t work anymore. Being bound by rule can only work for so long the same way.”

Maryse understands, and even though the words are difficult to comprehend, Isabelle has opened her eyes to the lies that have woven themselves into the shadows. She can believe in what he speaks, most of all being able to take from it, to learn and look at things in a new perspective.

Most of all, her perspective for one specific thing has changed.

“I didn’t come here just to give you an apology,” struggling to keep her smile, Maryse places her hands together, forcing one instead of feeling the happiness make such an expression. “Isabelle told me everything.”

Looking to the door where Isabelle supposedly left earlier, Magnus smiles, knowing that it couldn’t have been easy for her to explain it. No one knows the real truth yet, and that’s up to Alec to decide when, as it’s both Magnus’ _and_ Alec’s weight to bare.

“She’s a strong woman, your daughter. Without her, I feel the circumstances of using talking right now would be vastly different.” he laughs, Maryse finding a little humour in that, too.

“Lightwoods are known for being stubborn, to rule with their head instead of their heart. Our family name has gathered so much respect because of it,” he’s about to correct Maryse, but she does it herself. “But that isn’t the case anymore. At first, I was worried my daughter was hiding something from me, pretending to be the shining star I’ve always wanted her to be. I had no idea I was hurting her by simply patting her back, and I was blind to her exhaustion and stress.”

Once again, Magnus is left speechless by her endless apologies. This is _definitely_ a positive step in the right direction.

“I realised my faults, and with that, I’m open to learning about the Downworld. There’s no point trying to control something that was never meant to be in the first place, especially not when the goal all along was to live in harmony. The Clave has forgotten that,” she looks around the room, choosing her next few words carefully. “I believe there’s a long road ahead, and if I don’t choose the right side to fight for, I’ll end up regretting how I’ve lived these past few years.”

“And what side is that?”

“My family.” there’s not even a pause, showing she’s already settled on her goals, or at least enough confidence to believe in one path and not another.

“And you’re willing to risk everything you have to do that? To try and change things?”

“Yes.”

Magnus frowns a little, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together, now holding both hands in front of him as he carries on listening. It’s interesting yet baffling to hear a _Shadowhunter_ speak of such ill against the Clave, as well as focusing on heart over mind.

“I spent so much time trying to keep our family name intact, to be respected and favoured over others that I forgot about my family. I forgot about _me,_ about what _I_ wanted and not the people I work for. Yes, they’ve given me countless opportunities and advantages over others, but that doesn’t excuse them using it to blind me, to keep me working as some sort of puppet. They’re ventriloquists, always have been, always will be unless people start to speak up.”

Listening to Maryse is like listening to Alec. They’re so similar in the way they hold themselves when they speak, the way their voices crack near the end, wanting to say more but not knowing how. Alec is mere footsteps away from them, separated by a single, wooden door. All it’ll take to reunite them would be to open that door, but Magnus wants this moment to talk to Maryse, to let her speak her mind and let the demons that haunt her lessen their weight.

She’s reaching into the pocket of her dress, pulling out a small scroll tied with a red ribbon, which she hands over to Magnus after a moment of hesitation.

“This is a list declaring all the Shadowhunters in the New York Institute who believe in the Swordsman’s good intentions, and are willing to support our plan when it’s time to start moving forward. It’s no longer about us, it’s about _all of us_ as one united group of individuals. Downworlders and Shadowhunters shouldn’t be labels that split us apart.”

As Magnus unties the bow, he keeps the ribbon in his hand as he rolls it out in front of him. A lot of the names on there are familiar, overheard in the Institute or assigned on walls to do specific things. Most of these people are young, bright futures ahead of them that they feel they don’t have control over. Then, at the bottom, there are two names he expected to see, but still surprised by when he reads them.

_MARYSE LIGHTWOOD_

_ISABELLE LIGHTWOOD_

He imagines he’ll smile brighter than he has before when Alec’s name is amongst those at the Institute, and he’ll be called by his name again and not the title he’s hauntingly given. Even if Alec doesn’t manage to win hearts, they’ll change the Swordsman name into something to be respected, not feared.

“Your strength to change is admirable,” Magnus starts, rolling the scroll again, tying the ribbon around it once more. “My belief in this working is stronger now, and I hope you feel that too.”

“For my family? I’d do anything.”

“I’m with you on that one.” he smiles, nodding as he returns the scroll.

“Alec,” the name strikes a blow to both of their stomachs. “Is he here?”

There’s a thought, then. If Magnus spoke of family, and Maryse mentioned Alec, has she already accepted their relationship? Has Isabelle even told her that part?

“He is, yes.”

With such information, Maryse takes a step forward, her hands moving up as if she’s going to grab Magnus’ jacket. But she stops herself, simply bringing her hands together in a moment of weakness, not knowing what to do or say.

“Does he-- want to see me?” fear sits inside her words, comfortable. To feel and see that Maryse is scared of her own son wanting to ignore the past, to ignore his _family_ just because she had no idea? It’s haunting.

“Of course. You’re his mother, and I’ve seen first hand how much he hates himself for leaving his family behind, for the pain he put you all through. The _real_ question, is if _you_ are ready to see him.”

He’s not the Alec she’s forgotten. He’s not the Alec she probably thinks he is.

“Am I ready?” repeats Maryse, shaking her head. “When are we ever ready for anything?”

She’s right.

Even when Magnus think he’s ready for this, to change the Downworld and echo new ways of life to centuries old foundations that are already frail-- he’s worried a mistake will be _catastrophic._ It might even be a mistake they can’t fix, something that once it’s written can’t be changed, and that’s what scares him the most.

He knows he’s human, _knows_ he can make mistakes. No one is perfect because we’re not machines.

Magnus doesn’t say anything else, giving her a smile and stepping away. Maryse doesn’t speak either, simply watching Magnus walk backwards towards his bedroom, where the door opens and closes behind him.

A minute passes, and the door opens again, a tall figure walking out in replace of Magnus. Compared to how Maryse could see Magnus, this figure is much less out of focus, almost as if her eyes are trying to hide and blur his very image.

Her heart picks up pace, palms sweating with nerves but also adrenaline, knowing that timelines are about to clash and the angels can’t do anything about it.

Maryse is going against her old way of life, and it feels _wrong_ to be doing this, to be defying the Clave after her entire life consisting of following them.

For Alec, he’s suddenly cold, swallowing with the worry of this all being a trick. Maryse could simply be agreeing to see him and accepting him to get a gold star from the Clave when he turns up on his knees at their doorstep.

There’s a lingering hope, a _maybe_ he holds on to that guides him closer, a few simple steps away from the bedroom door that feel like they’ve taken years.

Alec squints, trying to make out her face from where he stands. There’s this distinct pull inside his chest, like a ghost is physically tugging him to take one step closer.

So he does, and Maryse’s hand shifts to the seraph blade at her hip.

Raising his hands to his waist, he physically takes a step back, surrendering as his palms face Maryse. If this is who he thinks it is, then his list of allies just got a little bigger. Maryse can’t quite see him, but she can see the way his eyes reflect reds in the darkness, fully aware of what the man in front of her is capable of.

But after a few seconds, she lets her hands fall, seraph blade forgotten. Alec physically straightens, keeping his hands where they are, showing that he won't hurt her as he takes that one step forward again.

They don’t feel the need to speak, at least not when Alec is finally out of the darkness. Next to him is the wall where he almost lost Magnus to his own crazed blood, and the couch in front of him to the left is where he confessed about his fall. They know the truth now, but this very room has memories Alec will always hold close, memories he’ll always want to remember in his journey to be _Alec_ again--

This is another one of those memories. One he didn’t even think would be possible. A memory he didn’t think he’d be _allowed_ to have.

Maryse takes one step forward herself, her lips trembling with surfacing emotions, her usually stiff shoulders falling as she starts to reach her hand out towards him.

And something inside Alec _crumbles, falls_ to his feet--

_“Mom?”_

That singular word, that title Maryse _never_ expected to hear from the _Devil’s Swordsman_ slots into the shard missing from her heart, and the bird that was trapped and flightless takes to the skies again--

Alec takes one more step as Maryse starts to run towards him, arms reaching up to his shoulders as they crash together.

She’s crying, and as Alec’s arms reach under hers to hug her, there’s this resounding wave of _home, family._ It grips his bones, strengthens his heart, frees his mind.

“My _son,”_ Maryse sobs out, squeezing Alec as much as she can, and Alec buries his face into her shoulder, cheeks squished from how tightly they’re hugging. “You made it _home.”_

Pain strikes through his chest, and Alec shakes her a little, “Yeah, I did.”

He felt it, that _click_ of puzzle pieces finding their rightful place when Alec stepped out of that hallway, the moment of a lost son returning home. Maryse knew as soon as Isabelle showed her that photo of him smiling.

“I thought you’d never accept me, never remember me.” he steps back, Maryse straightening his jacket along his shoulders, an action that seems all too familiar.

Maryse takes hold of his face, a smile breaking through the trails of her tears. Alec isn’t crying, but the moisture is there, held back by pain that’s close to crumbling its walls.

“A mother never forgets their child’s smile, no matter how much time has passed, no matter how much they’ve been through.”

And there it is, the words that break the first wall, a single tear falling down his cheek.

“You knew?”

“I always knew there was someone missing. I could see you in my memories, blocked out by shadows. I thought I’d failed _you_ because of what happened, that if I did something I could have helped you, to stop this all from happening--”

Alec takes her hands, bringing them together so he can hold them because she’s trembling, feeling complete but overwhelmed at the same time.

“I’m happy with who I am, and I mean that. Don’t feel like you need to try and change whatever happened. I’ve moved on, and at one point I was okay with not knowing about my past,” Alec notices how those words hurt her. “Back then, I didn’t know what happened to me, what I did or what I did to other people. I was scared of the truth incase knowing it changes what I have now.”

“That means-- you _know?”_

“Yeah,” he nods, slowly, almost regretting saying it. “I know why I fell.”

Maryse breaks a hand from his grasp to cup of his cheek.

“When you’re ready to tell me, to tell _us,_ then I’ll be here to listen,” he didn’t expect that, not at all. Alec expected her to ask, to gain answers, but she’s giving him the space and time to recover, to tell his own story when he’s ready to tell it. “But I want to know one thing, if you’ll let me.”

Alec swallows, searching her eyes for a moment, only finding pain and regret of not being there to help Alec through his suffering, “Sure.”

“Were you in pain?”

_I died--_

Rocks surface through his throat, making him choke on his neck breath, taking a step back as he squeezes the hand he still holds. His next breath is shaky, looking to the floor as his shoulders _squeeze_ together at the painful memory he’s been told.

He can’t tell her the truth, not yet.

Not until he’s strong enough to say it himself.

Maryse understands that, and seconds later, she’s pulling Alec into a hug again, feeling her son shake with uncertainty, trying to make himself physically smaller. There’s an image, one of Alec as a small child, clinging to his mother as he cries into her shoulder, a broken arrow in one hand and his bow on the floor.

Alec still fears disappointment, and with not telling Maryse what would otherwise be a simple question to answer, it feels like the world is closing in on him, squeezing his lungs and pulling at his spine.

 _“I’m sorry, I can’t,”_ he whispers, tightening his arms around Maryse. _“I’m so sorry.”_

“It’s okay,” she does little _shushing_ sounds, slowly swaying with him as Alec all but shrinks, head buried into the soft fabric of her jacket, not crying, but wanting to _hold on_ for as long as he can. “Alec, you’re okay. Just breathe.”

And he does.

Magnus opens the door slowly, peeking back in with curiosity since the gentle bass of voices no longer sounds. He sees them in the middle of the room, Maryse slowly tapping his back like any mother would do to their crying child, but he can’t hear the signs or choked breaths of Alec crying.

They still sway, and Magnus feels tears at the backs of his eyes. Alec really needed this, the doubts he had about reuniting them so soon long gone from the edges of his mind. He needed to see his family, to put that puzzle piece back into place, to feel a sense of a home that doesn’t rely on Magnus.

Alec has that now. A sister, a mother and soon, his little brother. Magnus doesn’t know when that will be, but he imagines not for a while, not when Alec still has to be revealed to the Institute with his true identity as a _Lightwood._

Maryse opens her eyes, seeing Magnus and smiling at him, mouthing a _thank you._

He nods, about to step back and give them time, but Maryse doesn’t want to say the next thing without Magnus there.

“Magnus?” she says, Alec stiffening and moving back to slowly turn, eyes shining a little when he sees Magnus standing there.

“Yes?”

“Come here, please,” she offers out her hand, the old trails of tears on her cheeks shining as she continues to smile. “You’re part of this family, too.”

_Family--_

Magnus’ heart almost _breaks_ against his ribcage from how wildly it sings, the tears he’s fighting back staying grounded for now, but the emotion that drowns him makes his lips tremble.

Alec sees his struggle, and he moves from Maryse, taking those few steps to meet Magnus, taking his hands and pulling him back. He’s heard it from Alec, but he never expected it from Maryse, not a Shadowhunter who _hated_ him.

“I can see you care for my boy, and Isabelle only needed to tell me the basis of what you’ve been doing to help Alec to understand what you really are to him,” Maryse stares at their hands, watching how Alec’s thumb moves over the back of Magnus’. “You’re in love, and for me, that’s all a mother could want for their children, for happiness and to feel _loved.”_

He feels Alec tug him a little closer so their shoulders brush, and it weirdly feels like Alec is taking him to see his parents for the first time. That thought makes him blush, and Magnus can’t seem to find the right words to say.

“I saw the way you looked at each other just now, how much you understand each other and know what to say, and that’s not just with words. To have what you have, don’t waste it, not for a second, not for anyone.”

Magnus can’t believe how much Maryse has changed.

From how she called him Bane and nothing else, failing to acknowledge his status and ranking among the Downworld-- she’s completely different now.

It seems it’s not just Alec and Magnus who have defeated their past demons. Perhaps this timeline helped heal wounds faster, or it simply took the same course but in a different way. If Magnus and Alec are still madly in love, then perhaps Maryse was the person she is now.

A mother. A warrior. A _friend._

“I would have left this to another time, but I feel it’s only fair for you to know, Alec,” Magnus knows what’s coming, but Alec has no idea, and for this moment, he takes Alec’s hand properly, intertwining their fingers.”

“What’s that?”

“Your father,” there it is, a single second where Alec’s hand turns cold. “He’s no longer my partner. It was only recent, but we’re divorced, and he’s no longer associated with our side of the family.”

Maryse watches red slowly ink itself into hazel, the momentary movement of his free hand clenching by his side, the one that holds Magnus’ staying completely still. As Magnus can sense his growing hatred and confusion, he reaches with his other hand to place it on Alec’s chest, as if holding the demon back.

“Why? And what do you mean by our side of the family?” is all Alec can say.

“He-- _cheated_ on me. An affair. I found out through a colleague of mine, and I couldn’t stand the pain anymore when Isabelle found out. She convinced me to leave, to stop believing in fixing a toxic relationship that was broken by his own hands. He tried to fix it, but he showed little effort, if none at all.”

“An _affair?”_ Alec understands that, demonic blood surging to his fingertips. “How could he _do_ that to you? Why?”

“I ask myself that question almost every day,” her smile is pained, and Alec’s face suddenly drops its frown, becoming blank again. “But the past is the past, and I’ve moved on.”

“I-- I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“Perhaps one day you’ll meet him, but I hope you don’t. I fear for his awful face.” Maryse’s grin makes the pair smile, lightening the mood a little.

“No promises,” Alec replies, looking to Magnus and then back to Maryse. “You’ll find love again, mom. I know you will.”

“I’ll admit, it feels weird to hear that from my son who is also a greater demon,” she laughs, which surprises Alec. “But the world is going to change, I’m sure of it. Then things like that won’t feel so strange anymore.”

“The greater demon or the son part?”

“Both. I’ve spent my life without you, and as much as it joys me you’re back in my life, healthy and happy, there’s still a lot of obstacles in the way until we can be a normal family again.”

“Why can’t we be normal now?” he’s not arguing, but Alec doesn’t see why the future should be so scary. He _is_ scared, but why should the Clave be allowed to rule with fear?

There’s a beat of tension, but it dwindles as soon as Magnus speaks up.

“He’s right,” both of them turn to the Warlock. “I’ve spent so much time worrying about the future that I haven’t focused on the present, the good moments we’re having now. It’s always important to think ahead, but it doesn’t mean we need to do it constantly.”

Once again, Maryse is feeling her views change, a small amount, but a start.

“Then allow me to say one more thing before I send you to Catarina.”

“Catarina?” both Alec and Magnus speak at the same time, shocked as to why Maryse knows that name.

“We’ve become close friends while you’ve been away. She took me for a coffee the other day, and we spoke about Alec to help me understand what you are. It was mostly the good things, the bad being mentioned but not developed on.” They’ll focus on the bad soon enough, and hopefully they’ll prevent it with what’s coming next.

“Oh, I see. She’s ready to talk about the guardian project, I take it?”

“Mm. It was originally for that, but I quickly asked if I could speak to you, and that became her first priority. I won’t lie, I was hoping Alec would be with you.”

So Maryse didn’t know what was on the fire message, because Catarina _wanted_ Alec to be there.

“None taken. I feel we’ve become friends, and for now, that’s much better than the hatred you used against me before,” Magnus laughs as he feels Alec tense a little, looking from Maryse to Magnus like he’s stumbled into an awkward moment. “What you’ve said to me today is important for not only me, but for the rest of my people and the Downworld-- which from this day forward, is also your son’s world.”

Maryse ponders with that thought, which makes Magnus worry that he’s said something wrong. Not for long, though, as Maryse takes a step closer, smile on her face.

“Then let me say one last thing to you, Magnus,” her arms reach up, and Alec steps back as Maryse hugs Magnus.

At first, he’s stunned, a little bewildered as his hands hover behind her. A few seconds later, along with a reassuring smile from Alec, Magnus plants his hands on her back, hugging her in return.

“Thank you, for loving my son,” her eyes shine with tears as she whispers. _“Thank you for saving him.”_

\- - - - -

 

Isabelle perks up, feeling as if she’s just hearing her brother’s voice. Her headphones are in, so it could simply be a trick on the mind.

But then it sounds again, closer and more real. Her chair squeaks back, pushing herself to a stand as she removes her headphones. Placing them down, she turns slowly and heads to the entrance of the room, scared that she’ll be proved wrong, but she isn’t.

He’s there, a smile on his face, hand in hand with Magnus as they walk through the front door of Catarina’s apartment, greeted by Catarina herself. They exchange hugs, and Isabelle’s legs freeze.

Eventually, Alec looks up, eyes taking a second to notice her, frozen in his movements too when Isabelle starts to break down. He starts to walk in her direction, a smile on his face, opening his arms wide.

Before she’s even aware of her own body moving, she’s jumping into Alec’s arms, wrapping her arms tight around his neck and pulling on the fabric of his jacket.

“I missed you, I missed you so much,” Alec says, shaken, hugging his sister as she smiles into his shoulder. “I’m sorry for scaring you.”

“I missed you, too,” Isabelle replies, patting his back as they break apart, Isabelle dropping to her feet. “You gave us all a fright.”

At least she’s smiling, as he did fear she’d be scared of him after that, that he’d wake up and find his friends turned enemies -- if he ever _did_ wake up.

“I’m finding my family is quite stubborn when it comes to giving up.” he jokes, earning a laugh from Isabelle.

“We’re Lightwoods,” holding his hand, she squeezes, keeping it close for a moment incase her brother disappears again. “We break noses and accept the consequences.”

Huffing, Alec brings her back, hugging once more as their smiles reach their ears.

“So, how was _mom?”_

“Scary,” Isabelle laughs once more, hair falling from her messy bun. “But, she’s lovely. I knew as soon as I held her hand that she was my mom. I could -- _sense_ it, you know? Like something that’s always been there and I simply just couldn’t understand it.”

“Yeah. I understand.” Isabelle nudges his side, both of them smiling ear to ear, still.

The Lightwoods are complete again. The only people left to meet are Max and his father. Perhaps just Max, though, since Alec knows that his parents are no longer in love. With the _pain_ he felt from Maryse, and how lowly and distant she sounded when Alec mentioned him, he has no intention of seeing his father. He fears if he does, he won’t find any answer good enough from him to explain what he did to their family.

Alec could sense her hatred, and it makes Alec think of his father as nothing more than a waste of what he could have been.

Catarina and Magnus watch on, smiles on their faces, too. It’s always heartwarming to see a reunion such as this, where a long lost brother finds his sister, standing on her own two feet and battling on for him _and_ herself.

Madzie appears from the door due to all the noise, rubbing her eyes with Omamori by her side. The hellhound's ears perk up at the sight of Alec, tapping her front paws against the wooden floor.

Seeing both of their excitement, Catarina kneels down and whispers in her ear, smiling when Madzie starts to run towards Alec, Omamori not far behind as the puppy barks, collar jingling with the golden tag of her name.

 _“Alec!”_ she calls, hands in the air as she charges towards him.

Breaking away from the hug, Alec manages to kneel down just in time to catch Madzie in his arms, lifting her up as grins break across both of their faces. Her giggles makes Isabelle smile, wiping away a tear as she stands next to them, laughing when Alec swings Madzie around.

Magnus feels something spark inside his heart, a little whisper that makes his eyes water.

“You’ve grown so much, and it hasn’t even been that long!” he places her back down, kneeling to keep eye level with her.

“I’m always growing! I’ll become big and strong, just like Magnus and Catarina!”

“A big strong warlock,” Alec smiles as he ruffles her hair, earning a muffled complaint in return. “But to me, you’re already strong.”

Alec conjures a box labelled to Madzie, apologizing for his late Christmas gift, but she smiles and cheers despite that. She asks if she has to wait until next Christmas to open it, which Alec laughs at, telling her that it's okay to open it now.

Two minutes later, she's giggling, happy as she hugs a new elephant plushie close to her chest.

_An elephant never forgets._

Omamori takes her turn for attention now, Alec kissing the top of her head as he picks her up. Best friends together again, her tail wagging so much that Madzie can’t stop laughing.

As they catch up, Magnus and Catarina walk into the study room where the Soul Sword awaits them, flickering to life with its other half near.

They spend the rest of the night with Catarina and Isabelle, Madzie promising to look after Omamori when he goes away again, and she humbly agrees. He carries her to bed, Omamori trotting behind. Alec reads her a bedtime story, just like before, Madzie clutching the elephant plushie close to her face, eye slowly drooping as she leans into Alec’s side. When he’s about to leave the room, he looks back to the two of them sleeping, a smile on his face as the stars project over the walls of the room.

Ragnor does pop up for about an hour to check on Magnus mostly, updating him on how the High Warlock position is going. He tells Magnus about the recent decrease in crime amongst Downworlders, and that Luke is becoming a beacon in the dark for Downworlders seeking information about the Swordsman.

He’s being Alec’s biggest fan because Luke is good with words, good at persuading. Luke is a born leader, and as his pack starts to come around to the idea of combining two opposite worlds, it’s becoming easier overall. At first, he felt weird about the situation between Alec and Magnus, but as time went on, he could see that there’s more to the story, more to _Alec._ With a paper copy of Alec’s past given to him -- only given with Alec’s permission as well as his own -- Luke had all the evidence he needed on top of his own beliefs that Alec is as much as a man as he was. He could relate to him and the pain of changing worlds, and Alec didn’t even have the _memory_ of it, still hurting all the same.

Luke isn’t there to greet them when Magnus and Alec first arrived, as he’s busy with his pack, but he _does_ ring and asks to meet up with Alec sometime in the future. Apparently, they can only start the plan when all of the preparations are in place, including Alec’s new guardian rune and charm.

Alec agrees to both, but they can only forge the pendant for now. If he conjures too much demonic power in one go, he fears he’ll let it consume him. Magnus believes he’s strong, but neither of them are going to force Alec to face his fear. Not yet, at least.

As Alec becomes reunited with the Soul Sword, he feels power returning to him, a ghostly feeling like another body clings to his, and he feels whole again in the most weird sense of it. He strokes his fingers along the blade, feeling the scratch of the burnt runes and pulsing veins as they travel down the surface. It’s still demonic, but Alec can now pick apart the blessing that remains inside, the ability to force the truth, to be used as a tool as well as a weapon.

He’ll gain that gift once the Soul Sword is melted down by his own hand, and with that, he’ll become the Clave’s instrument for justice. It’s not like he _wants_ that, but it’s a way to live life without running. And as Magnus said, they’ll have control -- they’ll still be _them_ and not let the Clave rule as they please, to lock him away and tug him from the cage when they need to find the truth in some poor innocent.

So as Catarina stands by his side, explaining what he needs to do, Alec follows carefully, placing the Soul Sword down on its side so he can properly take apart the piece he needs.

For the pendant, they’ll need the hilt of the sword.

“How did you know this was possible, by the way?” questions Alec, taking grip of the handle and taking a deep breath.

“A combination of Luke’s sister, Cleophas, and Isabelle. They’re both weapon masters, and Cleophas is one of the iron sisters who forges angelic weapons. She used to be against the idea, but as time went on she knew of the dangers of such an instrument with no real boundaries anymore. But with control, with order, it’ll be used for good, not gain. Besides, the angels don’t want it anymore by the looks of it.” Catarina gives a smile, placing a comforting hand on Alec’s shoulder.

“Thank you, for this.”

“It’s no problem, Alec. I saw you as a friend, then an ally, and now you’re family to me. Magnus loves you, and you love him -- the least you both deserve is a life together once more.”

The demon nods, squeezing her hand and giving another whispered thanks, letting her step back before he turns the attention back to the Soul Sword.

Shaking his arms, Alec takes another deep breath, feeling the growl of the demon deep inside his chest, the claws that start to surface as the task dwells on his mind.

_This is the start--_

_I’ll be in control from now on._

With those thoughts in his head, red blossoms over the surface of his eyes, luminescent as the colour shines down at the sword. His hands reach for the hilt, gripping it and feeling the weapon steam beneath his touch. He’s already weakening the link between blade and hilt, watching as the angelic metal turned demonic reduces to liquid, pouring down into a pot layered with magic to keep the substance hot. His hands slowly turn black, claws reaching from his nails, red veins pulsing around his eyes as he concentrates his power on melting the metal of the hilt. It slowly feels like his own body is burning, that his soul is being puncturned.

The room stays silent as they watch, Magnus rubbing his fingers together as Alec focuses entirely on the mission. He didn’t think melting an instrument would be so easy, but considering the angelic sword is now demonic, linked to Alec’s very soul, he has all the power he needs to morph and change it to his will.

There’s a sting in the back of Alec’s neck that spreads quickly, and he steps back as soon as the last molten metal of the hilt drops into the bowl. He’s breathing heavy, shaking his hands like he’s trying to cool them down.

Magnus steps closer, but Alec turns to him, placing a hand up to warn him.

His clothes are steaming, and he’s surprised Alec didn’t set fire to them. But, he’s not worried, because Alec starts smiling, then laughing when Magnus shakes his head.

“You’re thinking of a lame joke, aren’t you?”

Alec shrugs, giving a wink as Catarina heads over to the bowl, noticing the pocket of heat in the area from Alec’s magic, making sweat cling to her skin almost immediately.

“Perhaps,” he says, turning to Catarina as she uses magic to levitate the pot of molten adamantium, swaying over to a mold Isabelle carved out earlier that weak. Isabelle in wait by it. “But it’d be too hot for you to handle.”

Catarina sighs at that, and Alec feels giddy as they all eventually laugh.

“You do know how to pick them, Magnus.”

As he takes a step closer, Magnus smiles, taking Alec’s hand, skin pleasantly warm now, red eyes fading back to hazel.

“Couldn’t agree more.”

An hour later, Catarina walks back out to the waiting couple with a box in her hand, Isabelle by her side, hair bouncing as she walks. They’re both pleased, Catarina handing over the box to Alec with a beaming smile on her face.

“I believe this is yours.”

“Thank you,” he feels a little scared to take it, but he does, the lack of weight from the box making Alec feel unsure. "And what about the rune?”

“I feel Isabelle and Clary will want to perfect it more, and we’ll keep the rest of the Soul Sword here for testing,” she gestures to the study room behind her.

For a moment, Alec just stands there, looking down at the box in thought. This is going to change _everything --_ the start of a new life. The ability to know and feel the sparks of his power, to gain _more_ control with the Soul Sword with him at all times. It’s not all there, _yet,_ but it will in due time. Alec thinks it’s better this way, because his body can gradually adapt to more power overtime, not all at once.

“I mean it when I say I owe my life to you,” he looks back up to Catarina, a hint of something in his voice. “I owe my life to everyone who helped me get back here, and without you guys,” he momentarily looks to Magnus. “I wouldn’t have survived, I doubt I’d be here right now.”

“Oh, my dear,” Catarina takes a step forward, placing her hands over Alec’s on the box. “You deserve as much as the credit as we do. We can give you advice, the tools to set you free and time to do that -- but it’s _you_ who took that step forward. Don’t cut yourself out the picture, because it took just as much mental strength as it did for us.”

Alec nods, still finding it hard to accept that he had any major part in his own recovery. Perhaps time will grant him that, to finally believe in himself after such a long time.

“Now you two need to vanish,” she bring Magnus into a hug, Magnus squeezing back as best friends embrace. “Luke and I have a lot of work to do.”

“As do I,” Maryse speaks, walking through the door as Isabelle lets her in. “I have a friendly neighbourhood demon to save from my bigoted and egocentric leaders.”

Chuckling, Alec takes a few more steps, hugging his mother again with a sweet, relaxed smile on his face.

“Good luck with that,” he says, pulling back when she starts to laugh. “Let me guess, Lightwoods break noses and accept the consequences?”

Maryse perks a brow, laughing when Isabelle nudges him from the side. For a moment, she smiles at the two siblings standing side by side, the resemblance between them still bright as day.

“Indeed. So, enjoy your vacation while you have it, because when you’re back at that Institute, there’s no five minute breaks to go see your secret lover.”

Magnus comes up to greet Maryse, giving a small nod, both of them with a new gained respect and goal fresh on their minds.

“I don’t intend to keep it a secret,” Alec takes Magnus’ hand, capturing the moment Magnus smiles at him inside his thoughts. “When it’s safe, of course. I’ll want the world to know.”

There’s a second where everyone wishes to stay in this scene, where everything is settled and charged with a promise of a bright future -- but they all know time will change, that the coming days and weeks will be hard on everyone.

As they speak their goodbyes one final time, Alec takes Omamori with him and Magnus back to the cabin, promising that Madzie can see her again in a few days. She was sad to see her go, but understood that Omamori needed Alec to mentally recharge, needing to be close to her best friend, her saviour.

And when they set foot back in their cabin, Magnus turns to see Alec smiling, looking up as he tries to hold tears back.

“Are you alright, dear?” he walks so he’s stood in front of him, hands on his waists as Omamori pads off to explore the cabin.

“Yeah,” when Alec looks down, he’s reaching for Magnus’ lips, hands coming up to hold his face. “I feel -- _happy,_ like I’m _me_ again.”

Magnus pecks his lips once more, brushing their noses together as Alec shivers from the cold.

“How about we start a fire, get some food and spend the night in? Then tomorrow, how about we go on that date of yours?”

Alec perks up, standing back a little, “Yeah? Really?”

“Yeah. We have time, and I want to spend it with you.”

“Ok, cool, cool.”

“Nervous?” he laughs as Alec suddenly looks pale, weighted by the nerves of the date _actually happening._

“Oh -- no, just-- I don’t want it to go wrong.”

“It’s going to be amazing. I know it is.” Magnus’ confidence doesn’t help his bubbling nerves, but it does make him smile like an idiot.

“No pressure, then.” he smiles even brighter as Magnus laughs.

“Come on, I’ll get the firewood, you choose the movie?” slowly walking backwards, Magnus smiles cheekily as Alec follows, originally wanting to let go, but Alec doesn’t want to.

“Can I kiss you again first?” Alec’s blushing, pulling Magnus back into his arms.

“How can I say no to that smile?”

\- - - - -

 

A single kiss turns into more, and Alec lost count as they tossed and turned in bed. They even forgot about the movie until Omamori barked, begging for attention, to which the lovers _finally_ stopped and broke away.

The rest of the night was spent eating pizza and watching two movies before Magnus put the guardian charm around Alec’s neck. It’s cold against his skin, but once it’s settled, he feels the pull of magic inside the foundations of the metal.

It’s shaped like the Soul Sword, a mini version of it that rests just in the middle of his chest, covering the tip of his chest scar.

“Feel anything?”

Alec takes a moment to think of how to explain it, “Hmm. Not really, I just know there’s magic and it’s connected to me.”

He gives Alec a smile, cupping his cheek and kissing him once more, breaking away for mere seconds before going back in again. By now, they know the dance of their own lips like it’s a necessity to living, especially with how their hands find their usual places, holding and warming each other late into the night.

As Alec closes his eyes, he realises how much he’s been controlling his powers even without the pendant. Alec was once afraid of touching people because of Edom’s embers haunting him underneath his skin, but he’s been doing it without even _thinking_ of that happening.

In the morning, Alec lays there on his stomach, the ticket box between them as Magnus wakes. There’s a grin on his face, obvious excitement for the date to start.

“So, how is this going to work?” Magnus says, rubbing his closed eyes with the backs of his hands.

“Each day, we’ll go to the place on the ticket you pick out. We’ll stay overnight, for example, I have a hotel in mind for tonight, and then it’ll be the same the next day and the day after that.”

“Oh, wow,” Magnus sits up, placing the box on his lap as he opens it again. “And I don’t know what the next place is until after we spend the night there?”

“Not until the morning, nope.” Alec does this little excited wiggle, trying to hide his beaming smile in his folded arms.

“A date over multiple days,” Magnus clicks his tongue, taking out the ticket that states _London_ as the first location for their date. “You’re spoiling me.”

“You deserve a break, and for someone to treat you.” he watches as Magnus leaves the bed, eyes trailing down his legs as Alec’s long shirt takes a few seconds to catch up, falling off the bedside as he walks away towards the bathroom.

“You’ve already treated me far beyond what I deserve,” leaning against the doorframe, Magnus hoods his eyes, gesturing with his head towards the bathroom. “Care to join me?”

It takes a second, but Alec’s mind catches up with his body, and before he knows it, he’s standing in front of Magnus, hands on his waist and kissing the tip of his nose.

“Magnus, you’re special to me. It’s more than just showing off where I can take you, because it’s about experiencing new things with you, learning with you.”

Words are hard, so Magnus kisses him instead, giving him more time to stitch together the excited words his heart thumps out.

“You have no idea how much that means to me, Alexander. Truly.” threading fingers through the demon’s hair, their smiles stay until the shower turns on, the water splashing against the tiles.

They’re replaced by grins instead, “Someone’s impatient.”

Magic is useful.

“I’m simply thinking of timezones--” he’s stopped by Alec kissing him, hugging around his waist and lifting him up, laughing into his mouth.

He’s only placed back down when he feels the water on his face, soaking his shirt. Magnus admires the way Alec’s messy morning hair falls across the front of his face, looking through the falling water so he can see Magnus’ blushed smile as he kisses his hand.

“I’m happy, excited to spend more time with you in places that’ll be different to me now. They’ll be different because you’re there, and perhaps there are places I haven’t been on the tickets, small little shops hidden away that I paid no attention to before. That’s why I’m eager to go, as I don’t want to waste a second.” lifting the shirt and throwing it outside the shower, Magnus’ arms lift to sit at home on Alec’s shoulders, their bodies flush together as they spend a little time waking up.

“Can you waste a few more, though? Here?” Alec pushes Magnus’ hair back, kissing his cheek and temples. There’s nothing more endearing than Magnus in the morning, makeup free, soft giggles, delicate fingers, warm eyes--

And Alec loves it-- loves _Magnus._

_\- - - - -_

 

London is cold, but beautifully so. The winter months are harsh, from delays to hazardous paths of ice and slippery snow. It's early, too, so it's even colder than it will be around noon, but Alec and Magnus don't seem bothered -- or they're too distracted and enjoying their time to even care.

It's around 9am, and Alec leads Magnus towards an old pub near the city center, people not seeming to care about the fact they're holding hands, shoulder to shoulder as Magnus leans his head on him gently. They catch a few eyes, who just smile or greet them good morning, many of them off to work or getting that morning jog in before these streets get real busy.

Magnus finds warmth in the fact that they're not going anywhere fancy. Wrapped up in warm gloves, scarves, coats, Alec even wearing a beanie that covers his ears-- it almost feels like Christmas again, as much as that thought brings them pain.

Reaching the old pub, Omamori trots up behind them, the _dogs allowed_ sign in front of them as the bell rings on the door. She’s in an adult form to blend in, and Magnus humbly agreed when Alec asked if he could bring her along for the morning. He’s sad she’ll be going back at around lunch, but on the other hand, she’d be sitting around because dogs aren’t allowed into some of the main buildings here.

As for these classic pubs, they’re welcome, and the lady at the bar shines brightly at them as the three of them approach. What seems to be the owner looks down at their joined hands, to which she simply nods and gestures towards the bar--

“What can I get you gentlemen?”

“I was told you make the best full english,” Alec starts, the lady is already preparing an order for them. “Could I order two please?”

“Well, that’s according to our website, yes. I’ll let you two judge that for yourself,” chuckling, she presses the according buttons on the till, “Is this your first time in the UK? I hope you don’t mind me asking, but your accents give you away.”

They all laugh, but Magnus answers, “I’ve been here before, but on business, so I’ll let myself say this is the first time _properly_ being here.”

“Ah,” she nods once more. “Well, I hope you two enjoy it, and I hope you enjoy your time here! I’ll send this off to the chef and get some water for your adorable dog down there, which to me seems incredibly well behaved.”

Omamori’s ears perk, and her small tail wags from side to side, sitting proudly right next to Magnus, looking up to the woman.

Alec agrees, looking to Omamori for a second before turning back to the bar, ordering some drinks. Once Alec is finished deciding between apple and orange juice, he pays and accepts his change, heading to a table shortly after that’s in the corner of the low ceiling establishment. A few other early drinkers are here, but they’re busy watching the TV that buzzes with sports reports or reading the newspaper.

It doesn’t feel like a date, but the time they’re spending together is _golden,_ and Magnus wouldn’t change a thing.

Magnus takes a picture of Alec staring out the window, the window fogged from snow as the city wakes up outside, a steaming hot chocolate placed in front of him with the cream spilling down the side. His messy morning hair is swept to one side, and there’s a small smile tilting his lips.

As the polaroid he’s bought with him clicks, Alec turns, blushing as he’s been caught mid daze.

“I didn’t know you brought that,” Alec says, reaching for the camera. “I love these things.”

“Considering it’s going to be a few days of us travelling, why not start our album now?”

“A travel album?”

“Yeah, like we promised. Right?”

Alec smiles, reaching for his hand and curling their fingers together, and that says it all.

The next time that polaroid snaps a photo is when they’re on the London eye, Magnus posing against the window, hand cupping his chin and trying to act cool. It makes Alec laugh, and he kisses his cheek as he walks up to him afterwards. Embracing as the pod goes back down again, they ignore the others around them, soaking in the sight of a city like birds from above.

On the way to dinner, Alec stops, tugging Magnus into him as he spots a shop that peaks his interest.

“Chocolate?” he teases, watching as Alec smiles. “A demon with a sweet tooth.”

“We can buy a box for tonight?”

Magnus moves back, perking a brow, “Why? Do you have something planned?”

Alec shrugs, Magnus smirking at their back and forth teasing. But they do enter the shop, a little store by the river front with a cute antique sign.

A lady stands behind the counter, a smile on her face as she looks up. Her little name tag reads _Eilen._ She gives a little wave, to which Magnus smiles at her, greeting back.

“Hello dear, could we get a selection box, please?” Magnus says, Alec distracted by the various cakes on display in a small glass case.

“Of course!” she says, giving Magnus a beaming smile as she collects the specific box, preparing a ribbon underneath and the stamp that advertises the small shop.

The couple say yes to everything she points out, and her healthy smile is contagious as she places each one they choose into the box. Magnus and Alec settle on getting two of each little chocolate, filling the box to the maximum amount they can have.

As Eilen ties the ribbon on top, a pretty orange bow to pop against the peach wrapping, Alec asks if they can have a few ice cream wafers to go.

“We haven’t had dinner yet!” Magnus argues, to which Alec shrugs and laughs.

Waving goodbye to Eilen as they leave the shop, Alec happily leaves with an ice cream wafer, knowing he’ll be able to eat this and whatever the hotel restaurant is serving that night.

Magnus carries the box in his arms as Alec walks beside him, taking in the sights of the city as night begins to crawl over their heads, taking selfies when they can. He manages to get a blurry picture of Alec’s face, scowling at a bird that tries to steal some of his wafer, and Magnus can’t stop laughing, because he’ll _definitely_ put that one in the album despite Alec’s protest that it’ll ruin the _aesthetic._

The hotel isn’t fancy rich, but it’s _posh,_ and Magnus starts to feel underdressed. Alec doesn’t believe that at all, because even in simple black slacks and a red, open vested shirt, he looks like a million bucks-- or _pounds_ since they’re in London. Besides, it’s freezing, and everyone is wearing a coat, even the doorman, tipping his hat to greet them.

Checking into their room first, Magnus gasps at the long, black curtains that are silky smooth, eyes widening at the king sized bed and the plump pillows. It’s a decent sized room, just big enough for everything to have enough space, including themselves. A wine bottle sits on the side along with all the usual little shampoo bottles and coffee sachets. There are petals all over the bed, and Magnus feels his lungs start to stutter at the thought of Alec asking for all this.

“Alexander, are you sure you don’t have anything planned?”

Alec just _looks_ at him, placing down his scarf on the small chair they have in front of the large TV.

“Do you want me to plan something?” his smirk is cocky, and Magnus clicks his tongue. “What? I like my sleep.”

Perking a brow, Magnus challenges that, and Alec can’t help but blush and turn away, occupying his mind with putting the chocolates in the fridge. Freshening up with some cologne and a quick kiss session against the wall, they make their way down to the restaurant hall.

Alec’s dressed in black skinny jeans, a navy top and a black blazer to finish it off. They’re red and blue, complete opposites, but a power couple nonetheless.

He pulls out Magnus’ chair for him to sit down, and he does. But then Magnus stands up _again_ and pulls Alec’s chair out, which has Alec giggling and trying to hide his face behind the menu.

The night goes well, blending into comfortable conversation about what they’ve seen today and Magnus trying to get hints out of Alec for tomorrow. All he gets in return is a shrug, smirking as he takes a sip from his wine glass, a pleasant buzz tickling his body that blurs out the rest of the room, only Magnus in focus.

Three sets of meals later, they stumble lazily into the elevator, Magnus pushing Alec against the wall, kissing him slowly with small chuckles in between. Alec’s lips taste like wine, and Magnus’ lips taste of the sweet desert he had before they left.

A sharp cough makes them freeze, and that’s when they realise they aren’t alone. They laugh as one of the staff winks at them, thanking him awkwardly as they didn’t know other people were present in the elevator, completely blocking out the world. Alec and Magnus straighten their jackets, glancing at each other with cheeky smiles as they stay apart.

An old lady gives Alec a glance up and down, and Alec winks back at her. She blushes bright red, and Magnus snorts at the exchange.

“Didn’t know you liked older women,” he teases, Alec shoving him a little.

“You _know_ I don’t.” holding a hand over his mouth so Magnus can’t see him giving in to a laugh, the couple wait until the elevator reaches their floor to leave hand in hand.

It’s not long before they’re in the room, throwing jackets off and opening another bottle of wine. Chocolates are taken from the fridge and they head to the bathroom, Alec sighing in utter satisfaction at the size of the tub.

Alec gets in first as the jets constantly rotate hot water around the large, circular tub. Magnus gets in after, sitting between Alec’s legs and leaning back against him, breathing out in relief as Alec hands him a glass of wine.

“I might not go back if this is my life right now.” Magnus says, taking a chocolate that Alec offers, putting it into his mouth and then sitting his hand on Alec’s knee.

“We could always put one of these things in the apartment,” he swirls a finger on Magnus’ stomach, utterly at peace, the cold of the pendant pressing against the back of Magnus’ neck. “I mean, I won’t say no to _this.”_

“You’re right. We could. In _our_ apartment.”

Alec smiles as Magnus turns around, sitting comfortably on his lap as he leans in, brushing their noses together.

“Alright, let’s put that on the list of new rooms.”

_“Rooms?”_

“A gym would be nice,” Alec laughs quietly at Magnus’ wiggle of his brows. “To let off steam, to train up if I’m going to be _your_ Swordsman.”

Magnus looks down to Alec’s abs, his hands moving to feel his biceps soon after, “I don’t know if you know, but you’re pretty fit already.”

“Oh,” he’s got this shit eating grin, and it makes Magnus shake his head, tongue sticking against the inside of his cheek at the confidence he has. “Thanks for pointing it out.”

Magnus certainly won’t say no to Alec working out in front of his very eyes after a long day of dealing with clients.

“Alright, deal.”

Alec snorts at the word, pulling him closer by the waist as they slowly kiss, wine on their lips.

They spend almost an hour in there, gentle touches across skin and kisses along necks. Nothing heated happens, and it’s nice like that. The pleasant buzz of them being together and the wine is enough, soon leaving the bath and drying themselves off.

Fresh boxers on, they head to bed, Magnus snuggling into Alec’s back as they pull the covers up.

Smiling in their sleep, their bodies echo with dreams of their first day, and Magnus truly can’t wait for what the next ticket will say.

\- - - - -

 

“You really think I wasn’t going to take you there after that was my first present to you?” Alec leans against the headboard, smiling at Magnus’ excited little smile at what the next ticket says;

 

_Hawaii -- COCONUTS!_

 

“I thought it was just some elaborate nuts joke.”

Alec bursts out laughing, hand against his stomach as Magnus grins at him.

“What?! That was _you_ when I mentioned beach balls!”

Magnus sighs, “Guilty as charged.”

They leave London as soon as they’re dressed, Magnus taking the few leftover chocolates with him.

Once again, the hotel is lavish. But this time, instead of black and gold, the room is a tropical blue, white mixed into small details as waves are painted on the walls. There’s an open balcony giving them a view of the ocean, palm trees framing around the picture like it’s straight out of a movie.

Not dwelling on the views from the room, they experience it by being outside. Walking side by side, fingers curled together as they walk across the beach, Alec’s shirt is thrown over his shoulder, Magnus doing the same with his own shirt. They’re both wearing swimming trunks, and as they get closer and closer to the sea, Alec’s plan to throw Magnus in works like a treat.

Alec gets thrown in as well when Magnus catches up to him, and they’re left rubbing their hair with towels when they reach a small storage place for them. They’re smiling at each other constantly, the atmosphere incredibly relaxed as couples mind their own business.

For lunch, they head to a buffet that’s giving away free food. Alec and Magnus can’t say no to that, and with their shirts back on, they wait in line while talking about Ragnor’s sunburn accident of ‘78.

When Alec gets halfway down the table, pondering between another cheese slice or two, a voice appears out of nowhere.

“I don’t know where you young people put it all,” an elderly woman laughs beside Alec, causing him to jump a little as he turns to her. “You’re already tall! Share some with us oldies!”

_Shit._

He’s forgotten to glamour his scars, and the tank top he’s wearing isn’t going to hide them at all. Being around Magnus these past few days has settled him inside this perfect bubble.

“Oh-- I’m sorry. I thought--”

“Ah, don’t worry young man. I was simply teasing you!” her jolly, chirpy voice makes Alec smile, having a little blush as her friend seems to join in, looking up and smiling at the demon.

“Oh--”

“A handsome young man like yourself needs all that energy, hmm?” her friend nudges her, and Alec finds himself laughing.

“I guess so.”

Magnus is fondly watching them chat from the other end of the buffet table, his stomach doing flips at Alec’s smile and laugh. He’s happy he can get along with mundanes so well, and the fact that his scars don’t seem to be bothering him or causing fear, it’s so _amazing_ to feel that sense of pride. Alec really has come far, and it really is starting to show.

“I’m here with my boyfriend, actually.” Alec replies to them, their question being about who the _lucky lady_ is since he’s in a couple’s resort.

“My apologies, dear,” her smile seems to grow bigger, and Alec finds himself feeling warm at being accepted, because he honestly didn’t plan to say that. The whole _boyfriend_ thing slipped out, taking some time for him to realise, tensing his shoulders suddenly and wondering if Magnus heard it. “As long as you're happy, that’s all that matters!”

Alec looks over his shoulder, catching sight of Magnus talking to a few mundanes himself, pushing his sunglasses to the top of his head as he gestures with his hands, plate of food in the other. He's doesn't reply to the women because of the fear of Magnus hearing that, because even after all this time, he doesn't know if it's okay to say that. They've said they're _dating,_ but it's been a long time since then, and a _lot_ has happened.

“Ah, is that him?” the ladies speak in unison, and Alec wonders if they’re related from how much they’ve been doing that.

“Yeah,” Alec smiles as he says that, feeling a swell of pride and love sink into his bones. “That’s him.”

_That’s my boyfriend--_

_And I love him._

“You make a dashing couple, if I say so myself,” the other lady speaks this time, nodding as she approves at the sight of them together in her head. “You’ll give every couple a run for their money on this island.”

He finds himself laughing, again, “That’s not what I intended to do, but I’ll take the compliment.”

They talk some more, mostly about what Alec does as a day job, in which he completely froze and tried to run through some in his head. Eventually, he settles on bodyguard, which has the ladies whistling and nudging each other as they laugh. They try and guess if he’s Magnus’ bodyguard and if that’s how they met, and Alec just smirks, saying he’s not going to tell them.

Alec is comfortable joking back, considering he’ll probably never see these people again, but the fact that they’re so bubbly and wanting to talk and make conversation has Alec relaxed. He’s enjoying his time here, not just with Magnus, but settling back into a normal life. In times like this he can forget about the Clave, his demonic blood, the Shadow World.

He can be _just_ Alec.

“Is this your first holiday together? How long have you been dating?”

His smiles drops at that question, and the elderly pair seem to notice, wondering if they’ve hit a nerve. Before they can speak, Alec manages to form an answer inside his head.

“Time goes so fast with him. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s moving at all.”

After a few more minutes of talking, the ladies part ways but not without asking for Alec’s number. He laughs and gives it to them out of kindness, and unfortunately, that’s when Magnus decides to turn up.

“Bored of me already?” he teases, scrunching his nose as Alec turns to him, laughing himself as he moves in to kiss him.

“Nah. Not at all.” he speaks against his lips, tasting the strawberry jam he’s been eating on his toast.

“They loved you,” Magnus finds himself smiling. “It’s heartwarming to see you so carefree.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Alec looks over his shoulder to see the women piling food on their plates and laughing. Maybe the world doesn’t hate him as much as he thought. “I was afraid of my scars. I didn’t glamour them.”

“Oh, Alec, they were more interested in _you,_ not the scars on your skin. All of us have wounds, some more visible than others. I’m sure those women have their own demons haunting them, and to see you all smile and laugh, to get along -- it’s what the world needs more than anything.”

Alec turns back to him, talking before he places a scone in his mouth. “You really think that?”

“I do.”

Shortly after the buffet, Alec takes Magnus back to the beach, where there’s a blanket waiting for them and two other people.

“You _asshole!”_ Maia’s running towards him, arms open as she jumps into Alec’s embrace.

Isabelle stands up to hug Magnus, a confused smile on his face.

“You guys are here?”

“Yeah! Ragnor gave us a portal here for the day. Catarina is off getting a spa treatment somewhere. He said he’d do it if we got some wine out of you?”

“I knew it,” Magnus groans, taking him back to the very first conversation he had with Ragnor about the Swordsman. It’s a pleasant memory, looking back. “Well, I guess I can give him that if _this_ is the result.” he’s pointing behind them, chuckling at the sight.

Maia is prodding Alec’s chest as he laughs, telling him off for going against the rules of using his phone, _as well as_ ruining half of her house.

The pair of them share wine and chat, having their picnic on the beach well into the late afternoon. Eventually, a waiter brings them coconuts, and Magnus and Alec share a good laugh, Maia and Isabelle watching and admiring their smiles. It’s nice to see them happy, stress free. Even more so because they’re happy _together._

Watching the sunset in silence, the atmosphere is heaven. It’s so relaxing being here in the arms of their lovers, simply enjoying wine and little snacks from the large basket. Isabelle sits between Maia’s legs, falling asleep as Maia braids her hair gently. Alec is doing the same, falling asleep between Magnus’ legs as he leans on his chest.

“Lightwoods are lightweights, it seems.” Maia comments, chuckling.

“Mmm,” he looks down to Alec’s sleeping face, kissing his forehead and hugging him close. “You may be right.”

When Magnus wakes him up so they can go back to the hotel, he’s mumbling, leaning into Magnus as the couples go their separate ways. Alec sits there on the bed as Magnus takes off his trunks, then helping him stand again so they can go freshen up.

“I’m sorry,” Alec mumbles, sloppily kissing his cheek. “This is meant to be our date, and I’m ruining it.”

“Not at all, don’t think that.” smiling as Alec leans into him, Magnus switches on the shower, hands moving down Alec’s back as he takes a moment to hold him.

_Just you being happy is all I need._

\- - - - -

 

The next morning, Magnus is greeted with pancakes and a mumbling Alec. He’s sorry about yesterday, to which Magnus just kisses him and pulls him back to bed.

When Alec finally accepts that he didn’t screw up yesterday, Magnus looks at the third ticket, the fourth now left on its own.

 

_Paris - for love_

 

“Paris?” Magnus is _far_ beyond excited, and he’s kissing Alec again as his sleepy smile appears, tilting his lips in a way Magnus finds completely adorable.

It’s sunny when they get there, and the polaroid they only used a little yesterday appears again. Alec does the classic tourist things, which Magnus can’t help but laugh because he’s not smiling in any of them.

“I feel stupid.” he grunts, trying to hide his smile behind a croissant.

“You look lovely, darling.”

Magnus doesn’t know what’s going to happen after lunch, because the hotel room he’s booked only lasts until around 9pm. So, they’re not _staying_ here, unless Alec got it wrong.

Alec just smiles and tells him not to worry, and really, he can’t help but trust him as they spend a little time in the hotel, sharing the last of the chocolates from London as they sit on the balcony. The breeze is gentle, and Alec snaps a polaroid of Magnus leaning against the railing, the afternoon sun doing wonders as it frames his body.

As he lowers the camera, Magnus is smiling at him, tilting his head as it leans against the palm of his hand, and they just stay like that--

Smiling at each other, speaking through their eyes without words.

Once, Alec thought that you had to stand close to read the story of someone through their eyes, but Alec can see it clear as day now, as bright as can be as Magnus simply stands there, carefree and gorgeous.

As dusk settles, Alec is straightening his tie, brushing down the suit jacket that he’s just placed on his shoulders. He’s taking Magnus to a fancy restaurant, one that _does_ require clothing such as suits. Magnus doesn’t mind the simplicity of the places they went to in London or Hawaii, since he loves the atmosphere, but being treated like stars is simply too fun to resist.

Plus, he gets to see Alec in a suit again.

But this time, Alec is the real winner.

As he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out the window, he hears the click of the bathroom door, a shuffle of steps, and then Magnus standing there--

And _wow._

He’s holding the lapels of his jacket, a smile sent Alec’s way as he lets his hands fall to his sides. His suit fits _perfectly,_ black in colour with fine, embroidered gold details along his collar and lapels. There are small gold highlights in his hair, black slacks with golden stripes on the side and pointed, shiny black shoes.

Alec stands, taking in every detail as he approaches him.

“Holy _shit,”_ Alec whispers, thinking he’s said it in his head, but then Magnus is twiddling with the sword cuff on his ear, chuckling.

“Do I look nice?”

“Magnus,” his tongue is tied, and rightly so, because Magnus _shines_ with not only his clothes, but his smile, his kohl lined eyes, multiple rings on his fingers. “I can’t find the words. They won’t do you justice.”

He lifts a hand to press a thumb against the ear cuff Magnus has chosen, and something sparks inside his chest, a blooming feeling of pride.

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“Nonsense,” Magnus taps his chest. “We’re matching.”

Alec laughs, and Magnus joins him, kissing a few seconds later when Alec has his breath back from being rendered speechless.

 _“You’re beautiful,”_ he whispers, finally, and Magnus finds himself keeping his eyes closed as their lips part. _“In every way.”_

\- - - - -

 

During the Paris dinner, Alec gives Magnus the box again. It only activates when Magnus and Alec are holding hands, and the last location reveals to him.

 

_Iceland - to be as close as you can_

 

Instead of staying in Paris, he said he’s taking him to another hotel, one that’s apparently a _surprise._ Alec can’t stop smiling during the food, though, and seeing Magnus outshine every other person in the room made him feel like the luckiest man alive.

So with their stomachs full, hearts close to bursting, Alec teleports them to the last location of their date.

When Alec said it’d be a surprise, Magnus didn’t think it’d be _this._

Surrounded by forest, the area is secluded, away from the busy towns and factories. Iceland is beautiful, and as Alec takes his hand, leading up to the receptionist desk, he’s smiling, cheeks flush from the cold.

“You like the stars, right?”

He does, “How did you know that?”

“Catarina told me. I asked her the one thing you find beautiful that you can’t have. She said the stars, so I brought you to where you’d be closest.”

Magnus doesn’t know how his heart survives, because Alec did so much to make this perfect. It’s not really sneaking either, because he simply asked a question that doesn’t dive too much into _why,_ just what he loves.

His lungs are heavy with love, squeezing Alec’s hand as he feels moisture prick at the corners of his eyes.

He really loves Alec.

Like, a lot.

Entering through the door, the gentle tweet of a bird greets them, and the receptionist perks up, smiling at them and standing up. Alec gives his name, and after a few moments, they’re asked how long they want to stay for, since Alec rang up to reserve a dome for them. They’re rooms specifically designed to watch the stars, the top half completely glass and allowing them to tint so the morning sun doesn’t blind them. At a time such as this, they’re completely transparent, the stars as bright as can be.

“How long do you want to be here for?” Magnus asks, feeling it’s his chance to take advantage of this moment of being so close to the stars, as well as his own star.

Alec purses his lips, “One night?”

He can tell by the look Alec gives, and Magnus feels it too--

_They don’t want to go back._

“Alright, you go ahead, I’ll sign all the dotted lines.”

“Are you sure?”

Magnus takes a moment, but he nods, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Alec sighs, smiling as he leaves to go to the dome number the lady gave him.

Saying thanks to the receptionist after health and safety information about the site, he makes his way to their small dome, looking up at the night sky as he takes a moment to be with himself. It’s pretty, undeniably so, and he’s reminded of how far he’s come since his darkest moments.

Alec is right when he says Magnus doesn’t give enough time to himself. Right now, he’s sure there’s nowhere else he’d rather be, no other timeline he’d rather be in than the one he is. His heart is so healthy, so alive that the past doesn’t dig into his soul as much as it did.

With someone like Alec by his side, he’s healed, learning to love himself that bit more, not worried about disappointing people or feeling like he’s wasted his life. He has a family now, and he already did, it just took some time to notice.

With a slow inhale through his mouth, and then breathing out through his nose, Magnus walks the rest of the way, enjoying the sound of quiet nature surrounding him. He can already see the fairy lights illuminate their dome, but they switch off just as he approaches the door. He’s guessing Alec did it so they can see the stars better.

Closing the door behind him, Magnus breathes in, taking a second to feel refreshed. He’s relieved, almost. With Alec’s heartfelt confession and finding out Magnus is the reason he is what he is -- Magnus expected Alec to abandon him.

But he didn’t, and Alec is standing right there, taking off his shoes and scarf to place on the table next to the door. Alec looks relaxed too, a weight having fallen from his shoulders of knowing who, what and why he fell. Granted, he doesn’t know every little thing, but Alec knows _enough_ to piece it together. He doesn’t want to know anymore, because he’s focused on the now, the present. Magnus respects that, and from how Alec felt his own soul piece back together in that very moment, he’ll heal over time like normal wounds do.

Magnus stays near the door, the silence of the room somewhat heavy, mysterious.

Alec can’t lay a finger on it, but as he turns towards the king sized bed, perhaps Magnus is bathing in the same euphoria he is. Alone together, ignoring the world outside, a natural wonder above as it shines down on them.

He doesn’t know what to say to Alec. Maybe that’s why he pushed him to go ahead at reception, to give himself that time to think about what he’s going to say back. How can he, when everything they’ve said has been more than enough?

Magnus is tired of running too, tired of being sorry, tired of being scared of what the future will hold because he can’t control it -- but what he can control now, is _this._

Him and Alec, a room alone, love on his mind and a whole lot of it to give.

Clicking the lock shut, Alec stops walking, staying still in the middle of the room, previously doing anything to take his mind off the silence.

Magnus is leaning against the door when Alec looks over his shoulder.

That’s when the collective tension of months before, the moments of _almost_ and _not now_ folding in on themselves, churning and churning until Magnus takes that first slow step.

And another, and _another,_ not stopping until he’s standing before Alec, searching from one eye to the other, trying to read what’s on his mind.

Magnus does nothing, only leaning in when Alec does, letting him lead this time as Alec sighs, weight falling from his shoulders. Their foreheads touch, Magnus staring down at his lips like a dare, an impending wish that lingers between the sparks that appear.

Placing a hand on his chest, Magnus pushes him back slowly, Alec following orders until Magnus stops in the middle of the room, tugging on the shirt Alec wears to get him to stop as well.

“Magnus,” Alec’s voice is a little rough, throat dry from the cold.

Not that it matters, because Magnus uses the hand not on Alec’s chest to place a finger against his lips, silencing the demon from speaking further. And then he’s using his thumb to catch Alec’s bottom lip, gently moving along it until it reaches the corner of his mouth. Feeling that stubble sends a chill down his arm, hearing the scratch sound against his skin. Alec continues to stare, lost in the brown warmth of Magnus’ eyes that captivated him from the very first day he saw him again.

Magnus takes a step closer, testing the waters, spreading his ringed fingers over Alec’s chest. It’s as if Magnus is pulling the air from his lungs with his magic, giving and taking, over and over until Alec will fall to his knees. The _thump thump thump_ of Alec’s heart becomes loud, and Magnus can feel it, alive and well. He swears it’s the loudest thing in the room.

 _“Please tell me this is real,”_ whispers Alec, Magnus feeling the echo of every word on the surface of his lips, the demon’s eyes searching for reality, _“I want this to be real.”_

Moving his hand, he places it directly over his heart, and Alec’s chest feels lovingly warm, a gentle glow emitting from his scar as Magnus brings a small volume of magic to his fingertips.

_“This? Or us?”_

_“Everything. Everything about you, us, me.”_

This time, the glow is blue, gentle in how it hums almost silently, recognising the magic that saved the soul and body that stands before him.

 _“You will always be real to me, Alexander,”_ Magnus replies, finally breaking free of doubt, of denial and fear, _“Nothing will ever be as real as this.”_

Lost in thought, Magnus doesn’t notice Alec moving his hand until he’s pulling up his own shirt, slowly, almost teasing as Magnus removes his hand. He doesn’t move his hand far, because as soon as Alec pulls that shirt one handed over his head, throwing it to the side, Magnus has his hand back on Alec’s chest. And he kisses that scar, directly in the center, Alec closing his eyes as the moment makes the backs of his eyes burn with the need to cry.

 _Magnus loves him so much,_ accepts every part of him for _who he is --_ not _what._

The glow is a little brighter now, and Alec touches foreheads with him once more, breathing in Magnus’ cologne and hearing the little inhales and exhales of his breathing. They’re so close, but it’s not enough for either of them.

Yet, neither of them rush, not even when Magnus moves his fingertips slowly down the front of Alec’s torso, remembering every bump and scar that greets him on the way. Alec’s skin is warm to the touch, and it’s almost as if Magnus leaves a small trail of fire in his wake, watching the delicate shifts of colour in Alec’s eyes. He catches one of Alec’s belt loops with one finger, his other hand coming up to reach for another. And with one little tug, Alec is breathing Magnus’ air, eyes darting from Magnus’ to his lips, parting his own in a moment of weakness and wanting to surrender.

He does, letting Magnus kiss him with this new sense of home, a new sense of understanding that makes Alec wonder how every kiss with Magnus feels incredibly unique from the last.

One finger remains in a belt loop, while the other hand goes back to Alec’s abdomen, pressing his thumb between the lines of muscle, soothing over his skin and giving Alec little tingles of desire in his belly. A hint of what’s to come.

Alec breathes deep when they part, eyes still closed as they both hang in the balance, noses brushing since they don’t want to move too far away from each other.

Magnus tugs on his belt loop again, bringing them together so their waists touch, and Alec starts to wonder if all the times he said no was him simply not being ready for something like this. He wasn’t, but now standing here, thoughts on his mind and the intentions of them, Alec’s swarmed by this spine tingling sensation of the unknown. Magnus adds to that with his magical way of doing things, how he moves his hands in certain ways, the tickle of magic and wonder in his eyes -- it’s a fever, a sin that Alec can’t help but want more.

Somehow, Alec’s hands find the first button of Magnus’ shirt, doing the first few like clockwork. But his fingers begin to falter when he reaches halfway, Alec pausing the kiss like he’s not sure.

“Am I--?”

“Okay?” Magnus finishes his sentence for him when Alec stutters. The smile that follows is so charmingly sweet that Magnus chuckles to himself, “Yeah, you’re okay.”

Alec smiles into their next kiss, one that drags on to more, heads turning to follow each other, Alec’s arms wrapping around his waist, forgetting what he’s doing originally. But it’s just a few seconds of Alec appreciating Magnus this close, at peace, _content._ And then there’s this _throb_ in his hands, as if the blood in his body refuses to circulate, like he’s freezing up from nerves. Alec finds out it’s when he pulls away, that single moment where he moves to hold a different part of Magnus’ body, hands turning cold with the need to touch. It’s almost magnetism how much Alec needs Magnus, _loves_ him. Even as their lips move slow, their hands exploring, their minds close instead of wondering -- everything feels new, everything feels _exciting, curious._

Hands grip the back of Magnus’ thighs, the cold of Alec’s rings making his skin jump through his trousers, and Magnus knows what Alec wants. So he lets Alec lift him, and Magnus is left a little breathless along with Alec, which breaks them apart. Eyes locked, lips close as he’s held like this, Alec holding the _world_ in his hands. They stare, eyes remembering details under nature’s lighting, a wonder above but no care for it. Alec lets their lips brush before slowly kissing him once more, and Magnus follows the rhythm with ease, arms holding around Alec’s neck.

No rushing, no skipping steps like the world is burning -- this is _their_ time. And after all they’ve been through, the promises and hopes they’ve made together, there’s no running anymore. By next week, Alec will either be seen as a neutral monster to the Clave, or they’ll be back where they started.

Alec doesn’t care which, as long as Magnus is right there with him, that he doesn’t lose him again.

Placing Magnus’ back against the wall, Alec breathes his air when they break, opening his eyes to look at Magnus once more, pressing his body to his. He lets go knowing Magnus will hold on, but Magnus jumps like he never expected him to let go, catching Alec off guard as he quickly catches him without a second passing by.

“Sorry, I--” he smiles apologetically, and Magnus pecks the corner of his mouth, a hand coming up to cup his cheek.

“I think I just didn’t want you to let go,” sincere honesty paints each shard of Magnus’ eyes, Alec swallowing when that beauty becomes too much to bare, even more so when Magnus whispers the rest of his sentence, _“not yet.”_

Suspended in the moment, Alec’s heart simultaneously lifts and plummits by Magnus’ words, he returns his hands to Magnus’ waist. Hugging his arms around him, Alec rubs his thumbs in small circles over his spine, letting Magnus lean into his shoulder as they embrace.

_“Yet?”_

Only then can Magnus see the weight of his word choice, how much it seems like he’s willing to let go when the journey becomes a little too rough. But he’s learning that always having someone is impossible, because everyone is their own individual, and if Alec is going to develop and branch out, he needs space. That’s not to mean Magnus will leave him intentionally, because he means moments like this, where Alec is holding him with a purpose, afraid of letting go.

Knowing when to hold and let go will be their biggest challenge moving forward, but for now, Magnus doesn’t need too. He can allow himself this, to hold on, so if they fall it’s together.

“I’ll have to let you go at some point, I can’t have you forever.”

“But what if you could?” Alec replies seconds after, noticing how Magnus’ small little smile appears after he says it.

“That’d make me selfish, Alexander,” Magnus cups his face now, thumb touching his bottom lip, “I have to let you breathe on your own too.”

Alec looks away, distant for a small time until Magnus tilts his head to get the demon’s focus back.

“I’m scared to know what that truly feels like,” he dips his head again, Magnus’ hands now at his ears as Alec leans into his chest, “I’ve been alone before, alone _alone,_ and I don’t want that again.”

He’s been alone, but he hasn’t _lost_ someone such as Magnus before. Technically, he has, but those memories have been stolen, and Alec doesn’t want a replacement.

“I know,” assures Magnus, lifting Alec’s head back up with the hands now cupped around his neck, Alec immediately catching onto the warlock’s smile, “But just because I leave you alone doesn’t mean you are.”

Alec looks down to Magnus placing a hand over his heart, then the thumb reaching for the scar. Two places where Magnus will _always_ be, branching out into _more and more._

His heart and soul. Then from that, his body, his thoughts and lungs, the magic that runs through his veins, his hidden yet real and open past -- it all has Magnus, a small amount, but enough to give Alec a blanket in the cold of winter.

That realisation makes Alec smile, growing bigger the more those thoughts branch out to many reasons why Magnus will always be with him. It’s -- _overwhelming,_ and Alec can’t find the words, doesn’t know if there _are_ words to describe how much his heart drums inside his chest.

And then Magnus’ lips are kissing what would’ve been Alec’s deflect rune, up to the sharp point of his jaw. Hands pulling at raven locks, making Alec lose his breath the next time he tries to reach for air.

Pushing his lower body against Magnus’, it gives him enough support so he can continue what he was doing earlier. Alec tilts his head away from Magnus, allowing him to keep softly kissing his neck, meanwhile Alec himself looks down to where his hands fumble with shirt buttons.

One by one Alec pushes the shirt side, not daring to touch his skin until all of the buttons are undone.

And when they are, his fingers trail over his torso softly, admiring how his fingers move up and down over chiseled muscle. He can’t explain the feeling that crawls up his throat, the sheer _want_ that rattles his bones. He then thumbs the deep lines on his abdomen, Magnus stopping his little adornment of kisses to appreciate the feeling of Alec and what he’s doing.

Pulling his head back, leaning fully against the wall, Magnus watches Alec’s eyes. They dilate, no sign of red blooming over the surface and taking control. Every press of his thumbs, his fingers, _everything_ is Alec, not the demon that makes up the fibre of his being.

Magnus feels blood rush south when Alec bites his own bottom lip like _that,_ looking up to him at the very moment he does it.

They’re both fallen angels, a banished warrior of the heavens, broken in different ways but similar in many others. But this isn’t primal, sick or a race to whatever finish they want, _no._ This is contentment, confidence, a worldy amount of _love_ that they can’t hold with their own two hands. It falls as water, cold enough to give goosebumps, free enough to explore yet always leaving a route so they can find their way back home. A cycle that repeats _again and again, over and over_ until they want it to stop. But even then, when they’re gone, when the dust from stars return to the universe -- it's dust that will make new stars, new worlds, alternate worlds where they’ll find eachother _again and again._

A man that loves him in every possible way and reality? Magnus could never fathom having such a love as this before, one where he has to check he’s breathing, blinking, because it knocks him so far from course and brings him back all the same. This is the first time, out of every time Magnus remembers, that his heart all but _leaps_ into another pair of hands when he _always_ said no to that. He always said no, because doing that allows your heart to be broken, to be stolen away and returned in pieces.

Not this time, because Alec had his heart to begin with. Magnus just never wanted to admit it incase the inevitable happened.

The inevitable this time though -- is falling helplessly, wholeheartedly, undeniably and infinitely in love with Alexander Gideon Lightwood.

And Alec would be lying to himself if he didn’t think and say the same amount Magnus Bane.

Threading his fingers through Alec’s hair, he lets his head fall back as Alec starts to kiss down the side of his neck, his collar bones, shoulders. He pushes the shirt down Magnus’ arms, skin against skin as his body moves forward. He can’t get enough, but it feels like enough at the same time, that constant clock and metronome of wanting more but feeling satisfied. Magnus would go crazy if Alec wasn’t so grounding, warm, _loving_ in the way his fingertips push the fabric gently down his arms, taking hold of his wrists as the shirt finally greets the floor.

Hazel glue to brown as Alec brings Magnus’ arms by his wrists, placing them on his own waist and up towards the center of his back as Magnus catches on. Funny thing is, Magnus was going to do that anyway, and Alec knew somehow, as if they’ve done this before, but it feels like the first time.

Despite it being unknown, they kiss like it’s the first time, touch like new lovers that escalate to nails digging in and pulling when their breath hitches. Perfect, that’s what this is to them _. A second chance that feels like the first._

Minutes pass, Magnus sinking into Alec’s hold as he kisses across his neck, his face, his lips.

Stepping back, Magnus leans into Alec, lifting his body so Alec has to tilt his head upwards to chase after those lips he’s so addicted to, sighing when Magnus slowly trails his fingers through the short hairs on the back of his neck.

Alec turns, step after step confident in his own strength as he carries Magnus, never taking his eyes off him but being aware of what surrounds him. It’s hard to focus on anything _but_ Magnus right now, and that’s all he’s focused on as Magnus feels his calves hit the end of the bed.

He’s worries Alec will land on him, but Alec is a step ahead of him, lifting one leg onto the end of the bed, arm hugged around his back to hold Magnus gently. Still, their eye contact doesn’t break, and somehow their lips meet halfway, Magnus letting his legs fall to the soft cotton sheets, Alec gently laying him down halfway up the bed. And when his back hits the bed, Magnus feels the cold of Alec’s necklace against his chest, a small gasp breaking through his lips.

Magnus smiles into the kiss, laughing when Alec smiles in return, making it impossible to continue. Alec hugs him with the arm still around Magnus’ waist, his other arm by Magnus’s side to keep him above slightly.

“What?” Alec asks, smiling wide as Magnus reaches up to soothe his hands down Alec’s shoulder blades.

“You, being all graceful. I thought you’re meant be a demon.”

“Technically you’re a demon too,” Alec bites his bottom lip at Magnus’ little smirk, shaking his head at how much he's able to tease, “And look at you, way too beautiful, intelligent and kind to be anything near the word.”

The greater demon keeps eye contact as he places a single kiss to the center of Magnus’ chest, then another, and then one directly over his heart. Just like before.

“Pain changes people.” Magnus looks solemn when he says that, making Alec lift so he hovers over him.

“As I said before, even if you’ve been through pain, you choose to be a good person. Usually people would give in, to strive for vengeance, but you don’t,” taking the arm that hugs Magnus’ waist underneath him, he uses that hand now to cup Magnus’ face, thumb gently tracing the sharpness of his jaw, the godlike beauty, “You saved me, Magnus. You saved me and so many others.”

Lowering his head slowly, still holding his face, Alec kisses him, once, then again. It’s slow, feeling the drag of Magnus’ lips against his, like he’s speaking those words he just said through movements alone.

Foreheads pressed together, closing their eyes as they breathe in the small seconds between them. A calm before the storm, a raging tide that will consume every part of them, fill them with the need to want more and more until their bodies can’t meet the demand anymore.

Magnus’ hair is flat against the angelic white of the pillows. It’s awfully familiar to Alec, the contrast of his black hair compared to the white, standing out like a rune, runes that were once present with Alec. And now, those scars blend with his skin, history trying to hide itself but never being able to, but Magnus notices every little change like an artist with his own painting. Compared to a few days ago, Alec looks more alive, ready to take on the world, or spend it staying inside with Magnus.

Right here, right now.

Magnus’ skin becomes a blank canvas, potential for Alec’s nails to paint lines of desire, holding on when the tides get too rough, or the emotions that cling to every bit of skin become too overwhelming to hold on his own. It won’t be art to put on display, not for the world, not for anyone -- _only them._ Only Magnus can see the slight glimmer of red in his eyes, the way he searches his face after they kiss and how Magnus savours it, the way Alec always makes him the center of attention, and how Magnus respects him and loves him with every fibre of his being. Magnus will be the cause of those paint strokes, Alec’s fingertips drawing delicate lines in moments of peace, then holding on when emotions swarm.

Alec moves down Magnus’ body slowly, nose and forehead tickling down his chest as he feels the thunder quake in Magnus’ lungs. Alec wants to release that building pressure, to let the room fill with Magnus’ song, his name falling from his lips like no other man can say. Then his necklace follows, the point at the end of the sword tickling a thin line down the center of his torso.

Arching his neck, his arms pillar either side of the warlock to keep his forehead and nose in contact with Magnus’ skin. Closer and closer, temperature rising tenfold when his bottom lip touches the belt still surrounding the warlock’s hips. He mutters something inaudible, and Magnus still watches from where his head lays against the pillow. Soon, Alec’s hands join Alec’s somewhat worship, fingers splayed over his chest as soft kisses place themselves over his abdomen. Each one different, each one a sign of authenticity.

And at this angle, with Alec’s body bent in such a way, the machinery of muscles in his back fold and move under skin. His shoulder blades reach out like they want to break free, and with each breath he breathes, blowing over Magnus’ skin in waves, Alec’s back changes and moulds to fit the reach and pull of his own lungs. Such a broad expanse becomes a canvas too, the lights of the aurora borealis dancing over his skin like ribbons, painting him in glorious colours of green, purple and blue.

Magnus wants nothing more than to move his fingers along the light that shines on his skin, to let the holy light weave its way back into his skin. Because if anyone believes Alec deserves such a blessing, Magnus is that very person. That’s not thanks to the way the demon’s hand tickle his sides, how his kisses are so soft and gentle they almost stop time -- _no --_ it’s because he loves him. He’s seen the darkest reaches of his nightmares, the tears that fall down his soft yet stubbled cheeks. Everything about Alec has changed, but right now it feels like it’s never, ever been different.

Magnus’ train of thought halts when Alec looks up, hazel blooming brighter than ever before, the aurora bringing out  greens and a plethora of rich orange. His hair is already messy from Magnus’ hands, and the way his fringe falls over his eyes gives him that innocence Magnus never thought possible.

All a distraction, because Alec’s hands are slowly moving to his waist, fingers taking hold of his belt loops on either side. Magnus is nervous that he’s going too fast, that Alec is losing control because he hasn’t given consent, even if it _feels_ he has --

But he doesn’t do that. Instead, Alec uses the leverage to pull his body down so they’re face to face, through the demons legs in a show of strength that wouldn’t usually make Magnus impressed -- but _god,_ it does.

Looking up at Alec like this, the gentle smile on his face that grows into a cheeky little smirk. Magnus can’t say anything, really, because he has one too.

“Too lazy to take two steps back up the bed?”

“Mmm,” Alec leans in closer, touching foreheads as he looks down to Magnus’ lips, “I’m not a patient man.”

_Liar._

Alec has waited months, weeks, and what feels like a _lifetime_ to be with Magnus. Not like this, but where he can _be_ with him as lovers do. Holding hands, mornings together, casual conversations about work and such -- _that_ type of _being with Magnus._

Biting his bottom lip, Magnus shakes his head, not believing him, and Alec knows. He doesn’t seem to argue against it, and when Alec’s eyes flip back up to his gorgeous eyes, Magnus can’t take the separation anymore.

Their eyes close as lips meet once more, Magnus’ hands taking a gentle but firm hold on either side of his face, moving with him and getting lost, _so_ lost that he forgets about everything else. It’s not rushed kissing either. It’s slow but simmering with passion, slow but building to something more, tongue pushing past his lips -- just normal and pure kissing that ignites a wildfire, spreading through both their lungs.

“Hey,” Alec whispers when they take that _tiny_ second to breathe, Alec’s hands still gently gliding up and down Magnus’ sides, “Do you want this?” fingertips trace over his collarbone, sending curious shivers down the warlock’s spine, and frankly that shouldn’t even _happen._

Magnus has done this countless times before, being with someone on this level -- but not like _this,_ intimate in ways that make his lungs stutter, his toes curl or his hands moving on their own accord like they know how to play an instrument from memory. Their movements are all natural, Alec not even registering that his hand is searching over Magnus’ right shoulder, applying a _small_ amount of pressure to work the muscle he feels beneath.

He’s speechless, lost in the way Alec is looking down at him, how he’s _asking_ if this is what he wants. Of course it is, but the way they simply stood in silence minutes ago, Magnus kissing his chest scar gently, then Alec moving his thumb through the sculpted lines of muscle -- it’s like they’re remembering their bodies all over again through touch. But Magnus, knowing who Alec is, who he _was,_ nothing will ever prepare him for Alec in raw moments such as this.

The way his eyes shine, tender and compassionate, then the gentle glide of those rough fingertips, painting like a brush to a canvas but not needing to. Magnus is already beauty, an art Alec can stare at and wonder for centuries. And now he gets to, Magnus smiling at the way that sweet blush blooms on the tops of Alec's  shoulders, obviously nervous from the silence.

Pulling him down again, Magnus kisses him slowly, a sentimentality in the way his thumbs frame Alec’s face, feeling the bite and clench of his jaw as their lips move in unison. Magnus’ smile grows, making Alec smile in return as it becomes difficult to kiss, aware that Magnus is dying to say something but not being able to with Alec kissing him. So, the demon moves to kiss the corner of his lips, down his jawline and over the side of his neck, Magnus’ hands moving through raven locks like times before, tugging a little. Even then, Magnus doesn’t speak, eyes closed as he holds the feeling of Alec’s lips just that bit longer on his own.

As Alec brings his head back up to brush noses, Magnus opens his eyes, greeted by Alec’s smile as the demon’s hands settle either side of his head, taking hold of the white sheets below Magnus.

“Always,” Magnus smiles as he speaks that word, moving his hands slowly through Alec’s hair, still admiring how soft it feels between his fingertips, _“always, with you.”_

_Just like Alec said before._

From how Alec does that tilted, dopey smile, Magnus knows he’s aware of where he got those words from. It’s not like they need them, considering how much their hands have explored before, how much their eyes swam with lust when Magnus clicked that door shut. They _know_ they want this, but just to say it, to speak it out loud and make _sure --_ it’s grounding, so utterly heavy and real that Magnus feels his body come back to the present.

“Do you?” asks Magnus this time, moving a hand down the side of his face, thumb catching Alec’s bottom lip.

“Yeah,” he doesn’t need any longer than a second to state that he does, “Yes, _yes.”_

Their smiles don’t last long as their lips meet again, a pace matching the one that had Magnus reaching for air with his back to the wall not long ago, but this time they know the goal, the need they both have and that _finger curling_ desire to grab and hold on, to never let go of this moment.

Magnus’ legs wrap around Alec’s waist, exhaling through their noses because breaking apart is not an option. They’re too lost in themselves, the warmth of Alec’s body and firm weight pressing down on him, it’s heavenly, and it’s exactly what he needs, what they _both_ need. Alec drops the front half of his body, arms hugging around Magnus, searching under him as his nails dig into his shoulder blades, trying to pull him closer and closer. He hugs him close, almost lifting him from the sheets if Magnus’ lower half wasn’t wrapped around Alec’s waist.

And then one of his hands is combing through Magnus’ hair at the back, the other hand holding the back of his neck, cradling his head as Alec kisses him with wildfire, heart pulsing with adrenaline, magic brimming beneath the skin, aching to be released. Magnus feels it, that line in the sand between insanity and sanity, how much Alec fights it so he can stay here, how much Magnus doesn’t realise that he’s _helping_ by using his hands to hold him closer.

Alec feels a punch to the lungs when Magnus moves his nails along his spine, wings twitching beneath his skin when the little sprinkle of blue magic seeps into his bones. He’s worried they’ll sprout and hit something, and if Alec is able to ask Magnus what he wants to ask, they’ll be uncomfortable to lay on. Magnus loves those wings, he’s aware, but some deep want inside of him desires nothing but the mundane. No magic, well, _maybe a little_ because sometimes control isn’t so easy to hold, but the wings can stay hidden for now.

They’re still kissing, a delicate balance between passion and searing desire, Magnus biting Alec’s bottom lip and pulling when he takes a breather, cheeks flush and eyes dilated.

“Holy shit, you’re gorgeous.” Alec whispers, almost frustrated, and for a moment Magnus thinks he says that himself instead of Alec, but then Magnus can’t see what Alec sees.

Hair moving in all directions, lips a little red from kissing, arms above his head as they take a break, the gentle breathing in and out of his lungs through parted lips --

Alec has to thank whoever is looking out for him, because he’s one lucky guy, and just the thought of ever saying goodbye to him feels like the Soul Sword going through his chest all over again. Magnus is laughing now, a hand over his mouth to muffle the noise, eyes crinkling from how much the joyful expression lifts his cheeks.

“That’s your _friend_ talking, not you.”

Alec scoffs and nudges him at the crude reference, shaking his head because he still can’t believe Magnus denies it. Beauty is always hard to see yourself on the outside, but no matter how many years it takes for Magnus to see it in himself, Alec will keep telling him.

Yeah, the makeup, the clothes, the smile and his charming wit is confidence in itself, but to believe it when someone else is looking at you in such a natural state, laid out like this and accepting someone else to hold your heart, it’s hard to believe it in some circumstances.

“You’re really a pain in my ass,” Alec replies, stopping Magnus’ inevitable remark by kissing him, talking quickly when he breaks away, “And _yes,_ I know I’ve used that before, and that I need to up my flirt game.”

“Hmm,” Magnus speaks as soon as Alec finishes talking himself, “I don’t think you need to.”

“Oh?” Tilting his head, Alec smiles cheekily.

“Considering I’m under you right now, I think you’ve done pretty well.”

“So every time you told me to work on my flirt game, it was actually working?”

Magnus laughs, but this time Alec joins in, his own bright smile competing with the beauty above, but there’s no way it can compare to Magnus’.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” Placing a hand against his chest, Magnus pushes Alec up to sit on his knees, Magnus having slung an arm around the demon’s neck so they move together, sinking into his lap as their eyes stay locked, “Or maybe it is, because I can’t remember how you won me over before. So technically, you already did in your past life.”

His nails move along the edge of the chest scar, but this time he looks directly into Alec’s eyes as he does it. There’s something that _clicks,_ a little voice that tells Alec that Magnus finds pain and beauty in this scar compared to the others. How cold it must have been before, how painful it must have been to go through that hell.

“Thank you,” whispers Magnus, their lips brushing as he places his hand directly over the scar, feeling the warmth of it. Magnus isn’t sure why he does say that, and eventually stops asking himself that exact question.

His smile is reflective, that Alec has battled his inner demons, that he’s found his way back home to the arms in which he calls _home._

 _“Thank you.”_ He says again, holding a hand to the back of Alec’s head, the other hand still on his scar as Magnus pulls him in.

Alec was never just another, he’s an _always, forever._

And Magnus isn’t saying thank you for one thing, he’s saying it for a multitude of them. For saving him, for coming back to him, for loving him unconditionally forever and always --

He doesn’t know that yet, but from how Alec kisses him, how his hands move over his skin, how he’s still by his side after all this time -- they have hundreds, if not thousands, if not _millions_ of sunsets to witness together.

Tonight, they don’t have a sunset to watch and admire. Instead, they have the aurora performing above, a whole _universe_ of stars to watch instead of just one, and yet they don’t pay attention.

Because the only star they notice is the one in front of them.

Alec would ask what he’s thankful for, but then Magnus moves his hips in a way that sends a chill through him, and all process of asking that question is thoroughly lost. But he’s saying it again, this time on Alec’s lips, nails digging into the muscle just below the scars of his wings, Magnus’ breath sounding like a sob.

They break, only to admire one another, Alec’s thumb on Magnus’ bottom lip, fingers coaxing his jaw closer again. At this point, their throats and lungs sting, because if Alec tries to speak, it might sound like a frog is stuck in there, and maybe there is.

He’s nervous, overwhelmed but so incredibly _in love_ that everything feels natural, normal -- _muscle memory._ They’ve learned to love again, just like Magnus hoped would happen that day Alec brought him those coconuts.

And then he’s pulling at Magnus, pushing himself up on his knees, and Magnus chases after his lips successfully. Alec’s hands move to his hips, holding them firm as he applies more pressure on one side than the other. Magnus soon catches on, turning with him as Alec slowly lets himself fall back.

This time, Magnus is there to catch him, holding him just before he starts to plummet, admiring Alec in his arms and feeling his weight trying to fall through them.

_Not this time._

_You’re not alone this time._

Alec can’t describe how it feels as Magnus holds him there, suspended in time and admiring the way Magnus’ eyes search his face, how his hands hold him so close, his necklaces cold against Alec’s skin. All this time, Alec thought he was reaching for the ledge of a cliff when he fell, but he was reaching for Magnus, reaching back for the arms that were reaching out to him.

There’s a sharp kick in his stomach, and Alec isn’t sure if that’s his need building, or something slotting back into place.

The final puzzle piece, and just as he wished, Magnus is there to hold not just his hand, but his entire body as it fits back into place. Alec’s heart falls in reverse, back to the hands that always held it from the start.

Magnus places him down, gently, slowly. His face shows content, a peaceful smile that Alec traces with his thumb. He doesn’t feel what Alec feels, the jarring reality that intensifies, sinking into his bones, the fibres of his muscles and the glue of his soul.

And as he stares into those brown eyes, a hidden gold underneath, his heart sings --

_I remember you. I remember you. I remember you._

His smile becomes bright, almost crying as joy fills every void that was present before, memories of Magnus’ face coursing through his veins and stitching themselves back into place.

God, _he loved him so much,_ still does and always will.

Alec doesn’t remember images, it's all blurred, but he remembers the feelings Magnus gave him, the laughter and smiles stretching through time.

He doesn’t remember the pain of losing Magnus, and even without it, Alec never wants to let go again.

“Magnus,” Alec whispers, Magnus answering with a kiss to his lips, but Alec just whispers it again, _“Magnus.”_

Hands search down Magnus’ stomach, feeling the bumps from muscles, the hard lines of that _‘V’_ into his trousers, and then when they reach the waistband, they smooth around the sides to the small of his back.

And he pulls his body closer, their heads moving in motion with their bodies so their kiss doesn’t break. The friction sends little sparks along their skin, spreading out like a shockwave and numbing their fingertips.

Alec realises something then and there, that these kisses are meant to be something so much more. He can’t quite place what yet, but he feels in time he will.

Then Magnus is moving down his body, fringe tickling his skin as he kisses every bit of skin he can, nails gently tickling with him as they move along with his lips. Alec follows him with his eyes, seeing the aurora paint green and blue ribbons over Magnus’ back, how they break through the small shadows his muscles create -- and Alec just want to reach out and touch.

His lips part, about to say something, but it just comes out as a harsh gasp when Magnus trails those nails down the sensitive skin of his back, finding it thanks to the slight arch in Alec’s body. He didn’t even know he was doing that, subconsciously pushing his body up, as if to request more kisses, more affection that Magnus freely gives him. But he does it _again,_ Alec hearing himself plead Magnus’ name, a crack sounding beneath him and the relief of a heavy weight no longer hindering his back.

Magnus sets Alec’s wings free, the blue of Magnus’ magic searching deep beneath his soul to loosen the threads of fear Alec holds around them. Alec’s chest moves with the heavy exhales and inhales of his breathing, and as Magnus rises to stand on his knees, he mentally takes a picture of this scene to remember.

The midnight silk of Alec’s wings shine under the aurora, greens mixing in, almost as if the wings are moving, breathing water that washes up on a tropical beach. They lay spread out, long enough to match the length of his arms as they hang off the sides of the bed. Alec’s hair is a tousled mess, lips slightly swollen and something hidden in those mysterious eyes of his that holds promise. His wings seem lifeless, and maybe Alec hasn’t become aware of them yet, and how can he?

Magnus is _right there,_ the glow of the aurora and stars above making his chest glow and his face shine with delicate beauty. Alec reaches out his hand, and Magnus takes hold of it, pulled back down by Alec over the top of him. His hair fans against the white of the pillow as Magnus presses down onto him again, hands framing the fallen angel’s face as he kisses him, Alec’s hand gripping Magnus’ hair.

They stay like that until Alec speaks his heart’s mind again, _needing_ to say it.

“You’ve made me whole again. I’ve never felt so wanted, so treasured. _Fuck,_ Magnus -- I can’t,” Alec sucks in a breath, closing his eyes for a moment, opening them again when his heart pounds free of its cage, “I _can’t_ lose you again, I’m never losing you again.”

And here they are, souls suspended in the air like lost stars, the words that Magnus wanted to say on that night after two weeks apart fresh on his mind, speaking from Alec’s lips instead.

_I can’t lose you again._

Magnus knew deep down he knew him, because there’s no way he’d ever let a love like Alec go, no _way_ he’d let fate win.. What’s important, though, is that Alec can speak freely, not afraid to say something because it might sound _silly._ He doesn’t know what to say back most times, and he doesn’t need to, because Alec can see how much that means to him through the smile that follows it.

Magnus answers with a smile, letting their lungs catch up with their marathon before continuing.

They toss and turn, Alec’s wings tucked tight against his back when they do. Magnus finds himself threading his fingers through those feathers, feeling how soft and healthy they are now compared to the early days, and Alec is reminded of how Magnus dried them so carefully on the night he returnes from Edom.

And as they roll around, hands explore, lungs struggling to keep a pattern and praises falling from lips. The last of their clothes are thrown in every direction behind them, Magnus opting not to use magic because a moment like this isn’t to be rushed. There will be a time for that, where they’re so itching to get their hands on each other that they’ll rip the fabric from their own bodies or vanish it with the snap of fingers.

Alec even found difficulty with one of his socks, Magnus laughing into the demon’s chest as Alec _cursed the sock,_ grumbling at it for being in the way. Then Magnus pushed him back to the bed from where they were previously, Alec having sat up and reaching behind Magnus to remove said socks. They literally can’t stop their smiles, their laughter, their small kisses. Not forgetting the kisses that send their hearts soaring, the ones that involve teeth, tongues and their hands spreading that overwhelming heat elsewhere.

Huffing, Alec settles himself back into the sheets, aiding Magnus’ movement as he pulls him back down, lips finding themselves together again.

Alec starts to gain a little confidence, that spark of demonic blood kicking in as he grips at Magnus’ skin, trying to get him impossibly closer. Red magic warms him as Alec’s fingertips leave trails of it wherever they wander, lasting mere seconds before it’s gone, sinking into his skin like a plant that hasn’t seen rainfall in days.

And then the demon is gently pulling Magnus’ head back with his hair, giving Alec plenty of room to arch his head upwards, kissing along the side of his neck, teeth biting at the sharp point of his jaw, then behind his ear as Magnus moves into his onslaught of love and affection.

Magnus is meant to be the one leading this, but he’s allowing himself to give in, to _let himself enjoy this moment,_ to live it true as much as he can. And god help him, because they’re melting each other far beyond repair, bringing themselves home into a pair of arms that feels like they never left.

And may his heart last, because Alec is making him lose _control --_

 _“Alexander--,”_ Magnus breaks the kiss, having to take a deep breath from Alec’s increased confidence.

“Yeah?” Alec opens his eyes, voice low, and when he expects brown, he sees _gold._

The sudden silence in Alec’s body makes Magnus go still. Hazel searching gold like he’s seeing Magnus for the first time, _truly_ seeing him. But it doesn’t last, Magnus moving away, and Alec’s body shatters at the loss of that weight pressing down on him, like it’s oddly the only thing holding him together.

“I’m sorry--,” Magnus whispers, lifting up and away to sit on his knees.

But he doesn’t get far, as Alec takes hold of the hand just about to move out of his reach. Alec’s thumb smoothing over his wrist, fingers soon intertwining as Magnus finds the will to look back at his love.

“I’ve seen them before.”

“I know,” Magnus replies, squeezing Alec’s hand like he’s trying to apologise. “I--”

“Magnus,” Alec sits up, using the hand he holds to pull him back into his lap, his other hand at home on his waist, “You’re not a monster,” and then Alec’s eyes gain a small bloom of red, “And neither am I. You’re beautiful, in every sense of the word.”

Previous words fill his thoughts, being called hideous, demonic, _a freak --_ Magnus has no choice but to fight his demons as they surface. But Alec, he understands, and even without the demon blood in his veins, Alec would still say the same thing.

Alec places soft, small kisses on his cheeks, trying to get Magnus to smile, and he does when he reaches a particular ticklish spot behind his ear.

 _“I love you, Magnus,”_ he whispers to Magnus’ ear, close enough that his lips brush the edge, _“I love all of you.”_

And then Magnus is pushing Alec’s chest, back to the white sheets that feel like they’re floating on clouds. Or maybe, that’s the love they’re sharing, so fleeting and infinite.

Alec stares up at Magnus, hands moving to hold and frame his face, eyes closing as Magnus joins their lips _again._

It’ll never get old, this whole kissing until they can’t breathe, tossing and turning, harsh breaths when hands find skin that sends sparks jumping along their fingertips.

“Fuck,” Alec has to bite his lip, controlling his urge to moan from how Magnus works. How he knows where to place his hands, where to dig his nails in, where to bite and kiss along the expanse of skin in front of him, “I can’t believe I forgot t-this.”

Magnus grins against his skin, because oh, _what an invitation._

“And?”

 _“And?_ Are you sassing me while I’m literal jelly under you?” Alec curses under his breath again when Magnus tickles his nails along his thigh.

“I’m saying that because we get this chance to do it all again.”

“How romantic,” Alec scoffs in reply, flipping them over with little effort, “Rolling around like new lovers, nervous as hell, totally in love with you.”

“I don’t see you complaining,” the smirk that curves Magnus’ lips makes Alec smirk in return.

“Oh I _will be.”_

And then Magnus’ hands are in places Alec never thought they would be, head thrown back and toes curling a little. It’s weird, at the start, but Magnus’ little praises and questions to see if Alec is okay helps. It helps immensely.

“Are you alright?” Magnus asks, one hand framing Alec’s cheek, the other between his thighs.

“Y-yeah.” His face says otherwise, an occasional twitch of discomfort that’s soon ignored as Magnus peppers kisses over his face, down his neck, over his chest.

“You’re doing so well,” He watches Alec’s face closely, growing more and more relaxed into areas of pleasure rather than comfort. “Just tell me, okay? If things don’t feel right.”

“I’m fine--,” Alec manages to blurt out before curling into Magnus when he finds _that_ spot.

“Yeah?”

_“Yeah.”_

The night folds in around them, the aurora still moving strong above, a mixture of colours painting over the bodies of two lovers. Sheets tangle themselves between legs before they’re thrown to the side, ignored completely because all they need is the heat of each other..

And as Alec nods that he’s ready, wings folding back into his body and out of sight, Magnus holds him close, kissing him quick, trying to distract him from whatever pain that’ll follow.

Alec becomes this moving art, this little piece of gold Magnus can watch shine. From his lidded eyes, blown pupils, messy hair, searching hands -- he’s this beauty Magnus can witness unfold, undressing far beyond that of clothes. He knows how he ticks, what parts of his skin twitch when Magnus digs his nails in or when he traces small patterns. And the little moan he does when Magnus whispers praise, when he kisses him only to leave a few seconds later.

This moment is completely different, a pause.

Alec and Magnus simply look at each other, not being able to look away as Magnus sits between his legs, hands on Alec’s hips, thumbs moving in small circles to soothe his skin.

He wants to say it, wants to say he can see Magnus’ face in a somewhat jaded past, but he’s stolen of that chance, yet given another.

Magnus watches Alec’s lips part, breath forced from his lungs as Magnus takes it slow, letting Alec adjust as well as himself, because this feeling is so overwhelming that Magnus feels on the verge of the end already.

“Alexander,” he says softly between a shaky breath, Magnus trying to calm his wild heart, “are you alright, my love?”

It takes him a few seconds, but Alec reaches out, hands to his neck, then up to feel those soft locks of hair. Magnus smiles, and so does Alec, a healthy blush on his cheeks, neck and shoulders.

“Perfect,” Alec breathes, body losing tension as Magnus rubs the flat of his palm over his abdomen, soothing the pain that grips him there from his muscles tensing, “I’m perfect, you’re perfect.”

Magnus laughs, because even when he’s a blushing mess beneath him, Alec can still try and speak words of poetry. He leans down, kissing Alec slowly, softly with a tenderness that begins to warm.

Alec gives an encouraging roll of his hips, and that first wave is _heaven_ to him, arms hugging around Magnus’ upper body as he begins to move.

It’s -- _wordless. Indescribable._

After months and weeks of pain, torn apart by enemies that see fault with their love, with who Alec is, with who Magnus is -- to be _this_ close is shattering.

Not in a painful way, but in a way that punches a solid blow to any doubt that this isn’t possible, that _they_ aren’t possible. Because here they are, close in the closest possible way, kissing each other like they’re the only way to breathe, Alec’s hand scratching whatever part of Magnus’ back he can hold, the slow back and forth roll of their hips --

This is their haven, their home.

Maia was right, that two arms are a home, that _Magnus_ has always been his home.

 _“I love you,”_ Magnus whispers to his lips, Alec’s head thrown back in ecstasy as Magnus begins to kiss down his neck, pace staying slow, _“I love you so much.”_

 _“Magnus,”_ Alec gains a small ounce of control, thumbs digging into Magnus’ shoulder blades as he tries to speak, _“I remember you, I remember you--”_

And as soon as Magnus hears him, he kisses him, rolling them over so Alec sits on top. He’s a little starstruck when he looks down at Magnus, chest heaving and a thin layer of sweat coating his skin. Magnus smiles, a confirmation that Alec is doing just fine, and that all he wants is a small amount of time with Alec like this, hands pressed to Magnus’ chest to level himself.

They continue like that for what feels like an hour at most, and they don’t care nor count the time.

Magnus draws patterns on his skin, careful not to irritate his scars, and if he does go near them, his fingertips are gentle, caring. Alec’s afraid his wings will make an appearance without him wanting, but his desire to keep this mundane as possible stays true, face to Magnus’ neck as he tries to breathe, _anything_ to control the heart that beats wildly inside its cage.

He takes a mental picture, a snapshot in time that places itself so deeply inside his mind that he’ll never forget it, because Alec never wants to forget -- _never again._

Combing his hand through Alec’s hair, Magnus kisses his cheek as he holds him close, feeling Alec breathe heavily against the skin of his left shoulder. The hand in his hair cradles Alec’s head as they flip over again, Alec’s little shocked gasp from the cold of the sheets on his back, legs winding tighter around Magnus’ waist.

This is nothing like Alec imagined. From the slow roll of Magnus’ hips, the aurora above, the fingertips that gently draw over his skin, the kisses that place along his neck and collar bone.

Alec’s overwhelmed, but not in the sense that he loses control. He did at the start, but now he can hold those wild emotions and let himself feel them, to not be scared anymore of what loving will do to him, or what his love will do to other people.

 _“Don’t leave me again,”_ Magnus whispers slow, a hint of pain dwelling in that tone somewhere, _“please.”_

 _“I promise,”_ Alec combs his hand through Magnus’ hair again, a small cry falling from his lips as Magnus kisses his temple, then his cheek, _“I promise.”_

Finally, they kiss once more,. Alec lost in the way Magnus grips his hips, pulling Alec’s body impossibly closer, being able to get that spine curling feeling Alec’s been waiting for.

There’s lava bubbling beneath his skin, an aching need for release that Magnus drives with the control he has over Alec. But he never feels constricted, strangled. Alec feels the opposite, almost as if he's drowning because Magnus is so _fucking good_ at this, and it’s driving him wild.

 _“I can’t--,”_ Alec gives in, body moulding around Magnus as red magic starts to spark at his fingertips, gripping onto the skin of Magnus’ back, _trying_ to ground himself as the end draws near, but he doesn’t want it too.

“It’s okay,” Magnus says again, finding Alec’s arms as he removes his own grip from his hips, pulling Alec's hold gently from his back as he keeps moving his own hips with the rhythm that’s slowly starting to break, “Let go.”

They have a wonder of the world above them, a sight only few ever get a chance to see for real -- yet they choose to look at each other.

Alec would rather look at Magnus and the way his eyes look so warm, or how soft his skin feels, or how incredibly intelligent he is. Magnus chooses to look at Alec and the way his face morphs from pleasure, how he pours everything he can into every kiss, his hidden angelic personality and fierce motivation. They are their own wonders, but not for the world to see, only each other.

He finds it, that reason why these kisses feel so different to Alec, so much more powerful than usual. Magnus kisses him for the ones they’ve lost. He kisses him as if it’s the first time, back and forth like he can’t get enough. He doesn’t want to dwell on the past anymore, but he’ll never forget that they _were_ something back then, memories they’ll have to make again.

With what little awareness Alec has left, it comes back to him like a wave. Magnus’ hands moving down the soft underside of Alec’s arms, fingers pressing into the palms of his hands. Alec knows what Magnus wants, and it’s what Alec wants too.

He holds those hands, intertwines their fingers, Magnus pushing their arms above Alec’s head as the warlock steals his lips one last time. And Alec’s smiling, a tear of happiness rolling down his cheek as he feels his toes start to curl.

And then just like a waterfall being born, Alec crashes down to earth after being in flight for so long, Magnus falling after.

But this time, Magnus is holding his hands, and he’s there with him when Alec closes his eyes and lets go. Magnus has _always_ been there, sitting in the magic inside his chest that keeps him alive, allowing him to come back here, to Magnus’ arms, his lips, his hands, his world changing love and kindness -- to _all_ of Magnus.

Alec sings his name into the crook of his neck, and Magnus does the same with Alec’s name, their hands holding tighter as pleasure rocks through them, like waves crashing against rocks, like ink as it’s dropped into water.

He doesn’t know where to place it, as bliss rushes through them, almost like adrenaline that burns out quicker than usual. A gentle, soothing feeling remains, almost as if soft rain falls on their skin, tingles of cold soon turning warm seconds after. Alec finds himself reaching for air, squeezing Magnus’ hand to help bring him back. In turn, Magnus lifts his head from where he placed it during those seconds of euphoria, watching Alec’s eyes slowly open, lips parted to gain that much needed air back into his lungs.

His smile becomes so big that his cheeks hurt, and Alec follows with his own. It’s that dopey one he does, so innocent and loveable in the way it crinkles the skin just to the sides of his eyes.

Sweat thinly coats their skin, and the sound of breathing is heavy in the room. Alec’s legs slowly drop to the mattress, the tension in his muscles smoothing out. With Magnus looking down at him, they pause the clock, admiring the moment and taking in what they’ve just done, always joked about, thrown back and forth as they tease, but it’s nothing like that.

Alec feels human, because this feels normal, _right._ To help him feel that, he has Magnus’ laughter, his smiles. Then when it comes to things like this, the electric atmosphere and heated jolt of his hips, Magnus is still the same person. It’s both intoxicating and breathtaking at the same time. Intoxicating because Alec can’t get enough, and then breathtaking because he can’t believe it’s real.

They’ve done it, allowed themselves to have _this. Them. Their love for each other._

Reluctantly, Magnus breaks a hand from Alec’s relaxed grasp, wiping away the tear on Alec’s cheek.

They’re tired, but most importantly, they feel at ease. The snow gently falls outside, and the slow, sure movement of Magnus’ hand over Alec’s collarbone becomes consistent. It’s almost hard to believe how much this one moment changes a lot, but at the same time it’s not the defining one.

A content hum falls from Alec's lips, allowing a minute or two of gentle caresses, the calm after the storm. Closing his eyes, Alec enjoys the afterglow. Magnus on top of him, weight comfortably pressing down on him, the hand moving from his collarbone to Alec’s stomach, moving in little soothing circles. Alec places his free hand on Magnus’ thigh, fingers moving tenderly, thumb moving left and right.

When Alec opens his eyes again, he spots Magnus with his own eyes closed, bathing in the afterglow as well. Hair falling to one side of his face, necklaces that he left on dangling from his neck, hands still covered in rings.

“I love you,” Alec says, staring at him with this dazed expression that can only be described as heavenly satisfied and lovesick.

“And you remember me,” replies Magnus, leading the hand of Alec he still holds to his lips, kissing the knuckles there as the sound of breathing starts to dwindle.

“I do,” Alec uses his free hand to place it against Magnus’ chest, thumb moving over his heart, “I remember you from before. It’s blurred and I can't see it, but, I know how much I loved you, how much I still do.”

“You’re disgustingly poetic.” Magnus laughs, a short one that gives him a sparkling smile after it, kissing Alec’s palm once more before bringing it to the other on his chest. Alec brings it to life, feeling over his skin, gently tracing and feeling the moisture that covers him thinly.

“Well, it’s true.” Alec huffs, “I guess making love to someone does that to a guy.”

“Why not just call it sex?” he sighs to exaggerate how much he’s actually _exhausted_ after what they’ve just done, “Or is that your poetic side talking?”

The demon shrugs, placing his arms under the pillow above him and bringing it down so he can rest his head on it, biting his bottom lip as Magnus’ previous plea of his name repeats itself inside his thoughts.

“Nah,” Alec looks up to the sky above them, admiring the gentle shine of the stars that might not even be burning anymore, a simple trick of time and distance, “It’s easy.”

 _Easy?_ Maybe it’s his mind high on Alec right now, not being able to understand, but as he moves to the edge of the bed to go grab towels, Magnus feels Alec is looking back at him. Alec sees that small drop of doubt, that after what they’ve done, he’s realised that Magnus isn’t the person lost in his memories.

“Magnus,” he whispers, sitting back up with a slight grunt, shuffling so he can sit behind Magnus, arms hugging around him and pulling Magnus close to his chest, “Sorry, I’m not good with words still, even if you do call me poetic.”

“No, it’s just, I’ve heard that before. Not in the way you mean it, either.” It’s hard to ignore the meaning of something when it’s been nailed so many times one way and not another. For Magnus to be called easy times before, that he’s _easy_ to get into bed, to love him because he loves back with no hesitation --

Magnus doesn’t do that anymore, but with Alec, he can’t help it, and that small trickle of fear of it happening again is too much. But Alec is here, the gentle soothe of his thumbs as they move over his torso, Alec kissing his shoulder gently, then again so the love sinks into his skin.

“Magnus Bane, I find it easy to love you, because no one has ever made me feel like this,” he whispers words into his skin, breath warm as it rolls over the surface, Magnus closing his eyes and listening, taking in the love and admiration he deserves, “You’re so special to me, and I called it that because that’s what it is to me, not _just_ sex. It was so much more than that, and you know it too, felt it,” Alec presses his palms against his skin, Magnus feeling the warmth of Alec’s magic gently reaching out, feeling how much what they did truly means something to Alec.

He joins Alec’s hands, intertwining their fingers and sighing against him, letting the aftermath of such a high dwell in his bones for as long as it can.

“Whatever happened before, whatever love you remember and not mine, I promise I won’t leave you again. I’ll love you for as long as I can, like this, just us. I saved you because I loved you, and I still love you, and I’d do it all again if it meant you continuing to make this world a better place. That’s what you do, Magnus, make the darkest of hours feel brighter, because god knows what I would’ve become if your magic wasn’t here,” Alec presses slightly against the center of Magnus’ chest, “You saved me too, and even though our lives have changed, _we_ haven’t.”

Alec smiles, remembering a small moment when they first kissed, not on his neck, but when Alec poured his heart out about his fall.

“You said you’d always be here, for me,” he exhales, Magnus feeling the warmth of it, remembering when he said those exact words when they ate noodles, “And you stayed true to your promise. You kept it through me losing control, through those dark times when you thought I wouldn’t wake up.”

Magnus’ smile is so bright, a single tear rolling down his cheek because every word Alec speaks, he can feel, soft and content, truthful and honest. Even as they just sit there on the edge of the bed, naked as nature intended, he doesn’t feel embarrassed or cold. Far from it, actually, because even as Edom’s fire runs through both of their veins, the only warmth he feels is from Alec’s arms around him, and the slow, content _thump thump thump_ of his heart against his back from Alec’s chest.

“I haven’t changed?”

“No, you haven’t. You still saw something in me, even when everyone and everything was telling you I wasn’t worth it, a danger, a monster to you.”

“I saw you as a lost boy trying to find his way back home, I never knew you were the love of my life. But maybe I did, when things felt normal… _easy_ to be with you, like we’ve done it before.” Magnus opens his eyes, placing his head back against Alec’s shoulder so he can look to the stars above.

Alec kisses his shoulder again, closing his eyes to breathe in as Magnus no longer feels the pain of his past so heavily on his chest anymore.

“I’m home now,” he says after silence, feeling a butterfly take flight somewhere in his stomach, smiling to himself. Magnus feels that smile against his skin, and as he looks back to Alec over his shoulder, Magnus smiles too, “and I’m _so in love with you_ , Magnus.”

Pressing their foreheads together, Magnus laughs, inhaling deeply to stop the tears that want to fall, because he doesn’t want to cry anymore, even if the tears are positive.

“I love you, Alexander,” Magnus holds one side of his face now, “but please, don’t go saving the world like that again. Heaven only knows what will happen to me if I lose you.”

Alec noticed how Magnus does say _again,_ because Magnus never truly lost him, not when this love was always there.

“You won’t,” his nose brushes Magnus’, “I’m not going anywhere, not without you.”

The hand over Magnus’ heart squeezes, and Magnus swears it feels like Alec is holding it himself, giving it back to him after taking it away for those small hours of making love.

For the first time in Magnus’ life, he holds his own heart whole, returned with the scars and wounds of before slowly healing. Not shattered, not broken, not bruised.

Magnus stands after sitting in his arms for a few minutes, offering out his hand for Alec to take. Alec smiles up at him as he takes it, standing up and following Magnus to the bathroom. As the water falls down their bodies, Magnus places his head against Alec’s chest, letting himself savour the moment of being at peace, no duties knocking at his door. It’s just him and Alec, and he’s missed this, even if he can’t remember it.

Alec places a scoop of bubbles on his nose when he looks back up, and Magnus pouts as Alec laughs. He goes to kiss him, Alec trying to get away so his joke doesn’t backfire, managing to wash them away with the water and cup his face, kissing him with passion that moulds into Magnus breathing Alec’s name over his shoulder.

After another hour, they end up in bed again with clean sheets, Alec finding his wrinkled fingers amusing after being in the water too long, and Magnus simply laughs at him. Bubbly and carefree.

“Looks like I’m evolving into a sea demon.”

“I don’t even know if they exist, Alexander.” he chuckles again, resting his head on Alec’s chest as he sighs.

This feels so fleeting, so sickeningly romantic that Magnus can’t contain his smile. He’s determined to fight for Alec, to keep going. Especially with the Lightwoods on their side in powerful positions to give them a high chance of success, hopefully giving them a deal that’s beneficial for all sides.

Alec hums at him, kissing his forehead as he gently combs fingers through Magnus’ hair, admiring the peace and quiet of their little room in the arctic desert.

“I'm not going to give up on you.” Magnus’ breath fans over Alec’s chest, fingertips gently drawing into his skin, savouring the moment of peace between them.

Alec’s chuckle rumbles his chest, and Magnus feels it, how light and free of worry that sound is.

“I know.” Alec keeps slowly moving his fingers through Magnus’ hair, admiring the soft texture, the way it moves freely between his fingers without the products to keep it standing, “Because if anything is real to me, if anything makes sense in this world, it’s you _.”_

Magnus looks up at him after that, feeling himself smile as the night returns to that midnight shade of blue, the aurora long gone.

“Some part of me believed that we knew each other before I fell. If we were enemies, friends--,” Alec pauses, looking away for a second as he takes the courage to say something that would otherwise cause a bit of pain, “Even lovers.”

“You believe that in every universe, we always find our way back to each other?” As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, Magnus’ heart _sings_ at the idea, that somehow they’ve been gifted this love that branches far into the reaches of space.

“Would you dump me if I did?” he smirks, poking Magnus’ nose with his thumb when he looks up wearing a cheeky smirk himself.

“Does that mean we’re finally officially dating if I get to dump you?” the shock of that realisation makes Alec’s expression _priceless._ It’s as if he’s saying oh, shit -- he _is_ dating him.

“Magnus Bane, will you be my husband?” he seems so confident saying that, smile on his face, but it fades as Magnus looks _shocked._ Didn’t he just say they’re officially dating?

“Alexander!” Magnus laughs, tucking his head into Alec’s neck as he does so, Alec utterly confused as to why that’s so funny.

“Did I say it wrong? Too formal?” sitting up on his elbows, Alec looks down to Magnus as he falls back to the sheets next to him, a healthy blush covering his cheeks, smile still bright on his face.

Alec loves that face, he really does.

 _“No!”_ he laughs again, Alec smiling now as he nudges him, trying to get Magnus to speak what he’s laughing about, “You just _proposed_ to me.”

The demon squints at him, not really understanding what he means, “Proposed? I thought I was asking you to be my boyfriend -- what’s _proposed?”_

Bringing a hand to Alec’s, he takes hold of it, bringing it to his lips as Alec moves to lay on his side. Magnus kisses his knuckles, one by one as Alec simply watches him, admiring every detail of his face in the gentle moonlight.

“It means you want to marry me,” and even after that, Alec is still confused, “You don’t know what marriage is?”

“Marriage?” Alec ponders for a moment, pursing his lips, “Um, no. I -- sorry, I heard someone say it when I was out --”

He doesn’t get to finish, because Magnus surges up, kissing Alec and pulling him back down on top of him, Alec hugging his arms around him again. Perhaps one day Alec will understand marriage, and maybe one day they’ll do it for real. Because when they break apart, the smile on Alec’s face is one Magnus _wants_ to marry.

“It’s a big, official thing. Couples do it after some time, and there’s rings, music, food,” dropping his eyes from Alec’s face to his Swordsman necklace, he smiles, holding it in his palm, “and then the lovers kiss at the end of the aisle, and they marry. Think of it as a promise, to always stay together and cherish one another.”

Alec can sort of see it when Magnus describes it, trying to place him and Magnus somewhere. And then he gets this image of gold, small twinkling lights as they reflect in Magnus’ eyes, holding him as he feels the material of his suit, saying words that promise the world.

“Would you like that, someday?” he asks, falling to his back as he looks to Magnus, head to the side of the pillow, still holding his hand.

For one, fleeting moment, Magnus feels his heart take flight, turning his head to the sky as the stars shine down on him. He knows who’s out there, looking out for him, guiding Alec back to him.

He misses her, and he hopes that she knows he’s made it, that he’s found a love he deserves. That’s all she ever wanted for him -- for Magnus to be _happy._

“I do,” Magnus replies, turning back to look at him, Alec looking back, “someday.”

He smiles, but Magnus watches it fade second after second, not knowing the cause. Perhaps he’s having second thoughts, that something isn’t right --

“You’re crying,” Alec whispers, noticing one single tear fall down Magnus’ cheek, “Why?”

“Because I never thought I’d have this.” he squeezes Alec’s hand, and Alec lifts the hand he holds to his lips, closing his eyes as he kisses the back of Magnus’ hand, hugging it close afterwards.

Alec doesn’t say anything else, letting Magnus turn into him, pulling the sheets up to their waists, embracing one another. He puts one arm above his head, threading it through Magnus’ hair.

“Are you scared? Of going back?” asks Magnus, voice speaking into his chest.

Alec’s hand pauses in his hair, and then it moves down to the side of his face. Magnus can see how he looks with worry, that revealing to the Clave of their existence together will be catastrophic for Magnus. But, he agreed, and he said he’d never let go of Alec again.

“No, because you’ll be with me.” Nothing seems scary when Magnus is here, when their whole world is safe under soft covers, the warmth of skin and words of love.

“Every step.”

“Every step,” Alec repeats, coaxing Magnus closer with the hold he has on his jaw, a lovesick smile on his face when Magnus kisses him softly, slow.

When they part, it’s not far, Alec looking at Magnus’ lips and then back up again. His thumb plays with the ridge of Magnus’ ear, then to his temple, gently tracing under his eye.

“How long do we have this room?”

“Why do you ask?” Magnus chuckles, knowing what it’s for already.

The demon groans, rolling his eyes. “Do I _really_ need to spell it out for you?”

“Mmm,” pecking his lips, Magnus teases him a bit longer with the silence before finally giving him an answer, “tomorrow morning.”

“Extend it.”

Their smiles are contagious as they kiss again, Alec rolling them over and closing his arms around him, the sheets falling to the small of his back. Magnus laughs as his head goes back at what Alec said, smiling from ear to ear as Alec laughs himself, peppering kisses down his neck.

Besides, they were specifically told to lay low until they have the Clave on their side, even if it’s just them listening. One could argue they have immortality, that they don’t need to catch up on things like this, but why wait for time?

Despite their differences, despite what the world says about them, they’ve found their way back. Even when the heavens threw him away, Alec stood strong, bracing and fighting his way through the memories that dragged him down, the pain and suffering that burned his bones for the first day he fell. But here he is now, back in the arms of his lover. He defied all logic, even fate, to be back with the man he loves.

Illustrations of before show Alec as a broken man. The Devil’s Swordsman, heart in his hands, falling to his knees, trying to find his way back home, a home he couldn’t even remember. Now they’ll change, where the colours will shift from red to blue, a fallen soldier with the body of a demon, but the heart of an angel.

Magnus thought his life was destined to be a lone star, watching the sunset and sunrise everyday, wishing for his own warmth by his side when he wakes up. All this time, his star was still there, lost in a void he couldn’t reach, a darkness Magnus was too scared to step into again. But he followed his gut, followed _who he is_ to believe in Alec, to give him a chance, to let tar fade from his skin and reveal the angel beneath.

He no longer sees Alec as the shadow figure in his nightmares, the red eyes of fear and teeth of greed. Magnus sees him true, standing there instead of crying on his knees, hand reaching out with a smile on his face, hair blowing in the wind as he calls for Magnus, blue wings behind him and hazels shining with their brilliant colour.

Waking up the next morning after that night, where the hours bled into more and more hours of tossing and turning, making love, promises and declarations of love -- Magnus saw his star for the first time, home in his own orbit.

Alec’s laying there on his side, facing him, content expression on his face as he sleeps without nightmares, one hand holding Magnus’ as he tickles his hair with his breathing. There’s a hand on Magnus’ thigh, slowly moving up to his waist as Alec wakes. Dawn frames the demon’s shoulders, covering Magnus in shadow next to him, and even though outside the weather is extremely cold, plus the lack of warmth from direct sunlight that he usually has -- Magnus doesn’t feel any of the cold.

His heart is warm, safe. Alec protectively curls around him, legs tangled and now blue, magically cleaned sheets up to their waists.

As the first snow of the day falls, Alec opens his eyes to see Magnus smiling, and he smiles back, knowing they don’t need to be anywhere. All they need right now is here, in their arms, in this warmth of the bed they share together.

“Morning.” he says, voice low, sighing as he closes his eyes again, Magnus moving his thumb across Alec’s cheek.

“Good morning, my angel.” Magnus brings his head forward to kiss him softly, Alec’s hand on his waist gripping a little tighter, pulling his body flush against his.

Last night was incredible, and Alec makes sure to write that memory in the journal Magnus gave him so that he never forgets. Much to Magnus’ amusement, he jokes about his first written memory being of them making love, but Alec simply shakes his head, saying he’ll write his whole journey. From start to present.

And as Alec is about to catch up with the present in his memory journal a few days later, he smiles, almost teary at how much he and Magnus have been through. With confidence and Magnus beside him, head leaning on his chest as he sleeps, Alec writes the last line and closes the journal, kissing Magnus’ head as he turns his attention back to the man he loves.

Magnus found his love again in a place he never thought he would, and he can sleep knowing that no matter what, Alec will be there when he wakes up.

Alec found his love again when he thought all hope was lost, cursed with the punishment he’d been given by the people he used to look up to. And now, he can smile like any other, breathe like any other, be in _love_ like any other.

They won’t bow to rules anymore, they won’t let the world tell them what’s right or wrong. Even on days where things don’t seem right, or when it rains and they haven’t seen the sun in weeks -- they’ll find that serenity in each other, hands on hearts. Infinite.

The lights that glow from the love in their hearts will shine through darkness, a beacon between worlds that calls out no matter how lost they are.

As time ago, Alec was a soldier of the heavens, and even though he fell through fire, his heart and who it belonged to never changed.

No heaven nor hell will break them apart again, to keep them from love, because they’ll always find their way back home.

They are whole once more, and forever.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the first fic i've written and completed. and that's ultimately thanks to you guys. this whole journey has been nothing but a ride, because at one point this fic was going to be deleted, and I'm glad I didn't. 
> 
> if i made you smile, laugh or even cry during this fic, then that's a bonus -- because if anything, i want you take away one thing from this fic -- that no matter how much the world puts you down, no matter how different you feel, there will always be someone who can see you for /you/. and those people, once you find them, hold them close.
> 
> so this is the end, and the epilogue will feature how the demon boyfriend support group are getting on after a small time skip. and this is your time in the comments to ask for any scenes you'd want to see, any questions you have about the AU. i love talking about this fic, because im a fan of this world, which may sound a bit stuck up to say, but trust me when i say i love talking about worlds. this fic doesn't have to be over
> 
> but, i will say this - there IS a part 2. right now, i have no plan to write it, but maybe in the future, if people are interested, i'll go ahead and write it.
> 
> overall, thank you so, so much for all your support and love. waking up to your comments really makes my day, and just the love you guys have given this fic is amazing. thank you for the fanart, the recs, everything. i can't honestly thank you guys enough.
> 
> i hope you liked the ending. i really wanted this one to be for you guys.
> 
> i love ya'll. thank you. -nicole {@karasunoflyy}
> 
> [thank you to Lucy (@serenjiminy} for helping me edit this monster, <3]


	21. Interlude

**_\- EXTRACT FROM UNTITLED JOURNAL, FOUNDER UNKNOWN_ **

 

> _Everything **I** s a carefully knitted blanket. A step by step instruction booklet with some human faults sprinkled in. _
> 
> _Nothing is perfect. Nothin **g** is infinite. _
> 
> _That yawn of wool will eventually run out, just like time. Every seco **n** d, every knot made with old, scratched needles of an elderly. No expert, no master of anything can extend a due date. _
> 
> _Time **i** s what obtains order, to plan and make do with how much sunlight one person has in a day. _
> 
> _But what if time isn't there? What if it simply ends? What does **s** omeone do if they have an infinite amount of it? _
> 
> _That, i **S**  false. _
> 
> _Time constricts. Time sw **a** llows. Time creates and destroys. _
> 
> _Only those willing to dance with the fundamentals of it can see a way through the rules, but even then, they find themselves still caught i **n** a loop. _
> 
> _Second by second. Hour by hour. Day by day. Month by Month. A power that dra **g** s along pain and misery. _
> 
> _And then it's history, one where they can choose to remember or forget. Sometimes, it's not even our choice. Fate and time age these memories, putting them further back until they bl **u** r to nothing. _
> 
> _A puppet to a master. Time **i** s the puppet master. _
> 
> _Just like a sword is the puppet to the person holding it. Just like a **s** wordsman to his King, following commands like a carefully knitted blanket. _
> 
> _But, what if those puppet strings start to move differently? What if they start to sing a different tune? What if the puppet master feels and wan **T** s more control, to unwillingly deal with the devil and hope nothing bad happens? _
> 
> _All th **e** oretical, of course. _
> 
> _But I do find myself wondering; what if the puppet tur **n** s against his strings, to fight the rules controlling him? _
> 
> _That, I have yet to see, and it seems not even the most intelligent of beings can cope when foundations begin to crumble. When a balance begins to shift, the ord **e** r of things can earthquake. _
> 
> _A **b** ird cannot fly with one wing. Can it be even classed as a bird if both wings are taken from it? _
> 
> _What happens when blood runs dry? A king to a chain is nothing without orde **r** , and when that balance shifts, new contenders take lead, to lift the theoretical sword as the victor. _
> 
> _All **i** n due time, I suppose. _
> 
> _However, that doesn't mean I'm scared of **s** uch a thing if it happens, no. _
> 
> _In fact, it may even be me who ends up being those corrupted strings. A heaved warning, as it may._
> 
> _But I surely hope a bird can learn to fly without wings, because without them, he’ll fall and bury his hopes for good._
> 
> _And not even I can get a more satisfying deal than that._
> 
> _It seems I have a guest arriving, however. One I've been looking forward to seeing ever since this dramatic change of events occurred. I have a feeling it'll be interesting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is me officially announcing part 2. lots of clues in this short little thing, since I love making them. some are more obscure than others, and some are simply tricks. i'd love to hear your theories using the #odsfic tag, because going through it the other day to read reactions of past and present has been really motivating!!
> 
> also, I've been steadily updating the early chapters. Chapter 9 is almost finished being edited, and chapter 10 had a scene chopped out and changed. Alec is just less needy, less mentions of 'love' and more confused, emotionless Alec. it's what I wanted but was too scared to right in fear people would hate it. But yeah. Also the word count has been chopped from 300k+ to 296k. not much of a difference but the chapters should be less of me waddling on about feelings and more concise storyline. Of course, some of that remains, but a lot of it has been cleaned up to match later chapters. All of the chapters should be finished editing (at least the ones I'm planning to edit, that is) by the time chapter 22 is up. That'll be some time near the new year of after.
> 
> I'll be putting the promised epilogue into actual chapters instead of time skips since most of the scenes were originally for a part 2 anyway :)
> 
> I hope everyone has a lovely holiday! see you soon for part 2!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/karasunoflyy)!  
> 


End file.
